Bill Burr and Does Bobby Feel Special? | TigerBelly 326

guess what boys and girls these are the cutest shirts i think we've ever made i think so too um this one says uh fight night well on top it says let me just defend myself for a second that's what you say a lot yeah yeah and this is me that's bulba and it says licks versus bobby slept in lee yeah also let me see your shirt this one is a premium shirt it's a soft wash and we dyed these ourselves at my age i'm pretty cute huh you're adorable thank you you have arthritis or something why is it so slow your movement um i don't know because i'm old maybe i don't know and i [ __ ] been hiking and [ __ ] and i'm still not losing any weight i can't understand who the [ __ ] was balding in this thing who was here ricky rick ingram that's a little rick and graham's hair fantastic go on all right okay you're an avid hiker now bill or you've always been no i just been yeah i just get sick of going to the gym so then i'll do this for a while or whatever i saw somebody said something you have to confuse your body or something muscles use the confusion yes that's what i heard that's how you get the abs like if you do cardio every day is not necessarily good you mix it up right some days you do the upper body [ __ ] your body your upper body right sometimes you go down to downtown l.a and just run for your life right it's the best yeah that's the best gym when they the crack addicts are chasing captures oh yeah when you're dodging the nails in the street yeah it's good core work we should start our own [ __ ] gym in the skid row and skid row yeah why not not a building but we just everything's outdoors it's like a running club and then the homeless are the employees at the gym they're like your personal trainers by chasing you down the street and they have money and they have money wow then you get them off the street and then eventually they're just down there dressing the part can i have a sweatshop can you have a sweatshop yeah i every corporation has one i don't know what why i want to make shoes with these people you should have a sweatshop with white people do you should flip the script i should be the a the asian kathie lee gifford you should make iphones for people in china and have white people make them here for no [ __ ] money oh that's so good or you know how sometimes the call centers are now in india and stuff like that yeah we do it here i do that i wouldn't answer those phones you would oh just to be pleasant to people just to [ __ ] just make one or two people's day yeah isn't that what the chinese do they if they're really rich or the affluent chinese from china they'll hire a white butler or a white oh yeah they wouldn't know a chinese you can't get mad at that that's like when uh harbaugh ran up to score against usc back in the day that was a great game pete carroll was like what's your problem and he's like you've been [ __ ] doing this for years yeah is that football yeah yeah i remember that that was a good one [Laughter] i don't know nothing anyway let's start the [ __ ] thing let's introduce it five that wasn't part of the part no no we're gonna keep it in right but bill bro listen dude don't bro dude no i'm gonna bro do you dude i'll tell you why dude am i bowing to you no no no no no listen bro dude what are you [ __ ] doing here i'm not afraid bro check it out i'm gonna keep doing it here's the deal dude all right i know you're papa bear i know what your move is you keep moving your feet that's the distraction so i don't pay attention to what you're saying you just had you have nine different positions since you've started this sentence yeah because i've been training training with trevor whitman oh yeah with my footwork oh trevor whitman oh my god do you know him no i'm just doing best i'm sure he is but i'm showing him the same level of respect you showed sports so it has nothing to do with trevor has to do with you all right all right well you know what not the guy who hosts the daily show no not trevor whitney whitman um is in colorado colorado he trains rose and amma eunice camaros oh rose do you love her i love her i love her tail which i love all the usc female fighters that's why i want my daughter to know how to know all of that stuff that'd be cool when she meets a creep like you she could choke you out [Laughter] bro i'm gonna say something right you walked up this [ __ ] driver pointing at me i came over here during rush hour and i'm grateful that you're here nothing but a red line the whole way over here it's like i don't know how you wind your guests up came up defensive you came up the [ __ ] driveway defensive no i didn't i came up open and you asked me what was going on i told you what was going on he said we weren't going to talk it out in the podcast and here you go i didn't know you were going to turn around and lie about it i'm not bringing it up you told me not to bring it up i'm not bringing it up i'm just saying whenever somebody's in that register they're not telling the truth that was that was pretty high you're right hi all of this can i say that can i say it again then can i get another shot at it much passion yeah right yeah too much i'm the victim yeah did you notice that i just want to say that it's really i'm grateful that you're here um i found that and i'm not being defensive i found that your energy was a little um open and yet standoffish okay you came up here and now you come into my little house with your guns and blazes invited me let's not [ __ ] act like i just came back it's like he's shut up that's like like some wacky next door neighbor in a sitcom that's true that's true we invited like kramer yeah and i can't and i woke up on time a little early a little early you're always here early yeah okay let's let's start at noon let me introduce you right may i get a 10 minute introduction you can do whatever you want to do i want to do a 10-minute can i see how long your day yeah can i see how long i can do it yeah okay [Music] so we got george in the room welcome you're always here you have to be here you're the guy we got flat flat flat yeah flat flat in the house what's up dawg what's up man you're good yeah yeah we got kalila i'm here good sleeping with you last night likewise yeah deep we slept deep together i didn't sleep deep at all i know but i did yeah i felt good to sleep deep next to you um we've got here in the house i said papa bear but um you know he's a bucket full of joy and a book a bucket full of light and if you could open up if bill this next guy is a president you opened it up remember in pulp fiction when they opened up the briefcase that's what you'd see oh a glowing light value value yeah put in there by props okay [ __ ] card let me [ __ ] do the intro what i didn't do anything yeah when i said [ __ ] you probably you kicked my foot i was swinging it's [ __ ] hard cancelable we talked about last week i go [ __ ] that's okay right all right so my point is this he was he has an animated show called f is for family what a club for that beautiful it's my show right say it wasn't i don't even know what he's doing right now this is so much fun um immoral compass i'm on a show called immoral compass dude you and vince vaughn need to be in a movie together dude i'm telling you the two of you guys on this on the screen together was amazing thank you give bill burr a round of applause is that all i had to do would end that was just compliment you yeah i did it that was two minutes though it was two minutes it was a problem long enough um give him another round of applause billboard guys yeah yeah you feel relaxed yeah i'm fine i don't know you're just projecting all your uncomfortableness on me i'm not doing anything you are extra you're actually like squirmy i know it's squirmy you are let's go let's let's calm down you're right bill thanks for being on the program again and i really appreciate you spending the time these are my options what do you mean either over-the-top energy or he does like pbs voiceover yeah i'm trying to find the right town with you i'm having a good time i'm having a blast i had jim gaffigan on my podcast you got uh yesterday all we did was trash each other i don't even know how it happened we were like talking comedy and then like the last 20 minutes we just trashed each other and it was only supposed to be 45 minutes long or so and it ended up being an hour and 45 minutes we were having such a good time really i'm enjoying all of this i'm enjoying it as well showing all your seated positions you know if you would stop analyzing right my bodily you know well you keep doing it every eight seconds and you do it very fast it's like distracting your feet are flying around yeah i saw an interview with chow young fat once yeah on e back in the day and um is that a skateboarder what an e back in the day you don't know your fat great skateboarder was a [ __ ] actor bro and what how your fat was in [ __ ] crouching tiger hidden dragon dog oh they ran in the air yeah on trees dog and on sides of buildings i love asian cinema but that's not one of them you don't like that movie it was all right but the the running in the air was just it was silly like the crowd i was watching with would laugh all right you should tell him what michelle told you so michelle yow's in that movie do you know who that is i watch sports dude like bro you know who michelle yao is bro yeah you know who the [ __ ] cowboys are i didn't yell at you that's true that's it so michelle yeah was also in that movie so i did a movie michelle yao right and um i was in thailand and all of a sudden i get a call going there's a dinner right and i show up at this four seasons dinner wearing a ripped shirt one shoe missing i was like lost i show up i go oh there's a bread dress coat i'm [ __ ] we sit at the center table michelle yells sitting right in front of me and i don't know what to say so i go hey i love crouching oh thank you and i go can you teach me how to um run on trees and sides the buildings she looks at me no smile she goes that was wild walk jesus i didn't know she was angry now a wild walk that's what [ __ ] she said to me she's a legend though legend thanks for coming out look at her wire work look at that skin oh she is beautiful i know you know i actually uh i think i like that movie i forget movies the second i see but then when i saw that i think i liked that movie yeah no i i literally can't remember what happened i don't either they're just on trees that's happening now with games i'll watch your game and be like yeah we played who the hell did we play last night who the hell was it the rockets i can't even remember it's because of your old age yeah yeah i think i'm that way too like my wallet my wallet oh i think dude this week early onset dementia i truly think that about him you don't remember [ __ ] i really literally think that i have earlier i think you've put that on yourself too you literally think i have a mental i think like ginkgo biloba should be really yeah it's pretty well you know i think jane st john's won't work is ginkgo galobis something you're supposed to eat and guests or something so you don't get dementia they no it's they it's so supposed to like enhance your memory or something like that i don't know but how do you how do you take it just every day like like a pill yeah you eat it or whatever you don't shoot it all right whatever i was just saying it sounded like an herb yeah saint john's worth good food sage rosemary ginkgo olympia i got a gingko galimpa bush out in front of my house my wife's idea i just went along with it to keep the peace yeah so you think i have it i i think that okay well then we should address that with our therapist why a therapist or a doctor whatever yeah i need help you guys go to a therapist we do it's hard together now let me ask you questions oh let's just say the guy's name was eric do you guys ever argue with each other and at one point be like it's like eric said oh no oh that's why i won't go that's why that one point you know that's why i won't go oh this if it's eric i'd like if he says something or he's like out of line i'm like i gotta take note take notes for about this with i'm sorry i shouldn't say yeah like i'm going to tell eric about this but you know what she does in therapy whoops don't don't get angry don't get angry but you yeah you're just gonna start a fight come on guys i always feel like the bad guy almost what did you do bill i didn't do anything but he just did something that will be disgusting did i do so funny watching a guy try to say what he feels like while not pissing her off [Music] pissing her off sometimes it makes me feel like the bad guy maybe you said something like you threw a maybe in to soften you couldn't just say it makes me feel like the bad guy yeah he said it makes me feel like the bad guy maybe i know because it softened it yeah like therapy is just out of the question for you no i mean like couples therapy yeah no i don't know the whole [ __ ] thing because it's like it's hard enough to do it as an individual you have to be ready and open and that type of stuff and then go through all of that crap the odds that two people are going to be there at the same time i mean but do you do individual therapy yeah i started back up this year good it seems like it i feel like you've um you're at peace i feel like no i'm having a a big [ __ ] drawback you know i had this big [ __ ] growth thing and everything was great and then something happened and then it just brought it all back tenfold i know so that's where i'm at that's what you and then i just said that's what you came up with traffic right to come over to this goddamn [Laughter] but are you happy to be here i am actually yeah i had to get out of my head i was in my head today yeah i had a bad day i was driving all the way over and going am i really just going this whole day's going to suck bill [ __ ] straighten up that's you know think of something happy yeah put on some john denver right or whatever the hell you supposed to do to dig yourself out john denver yeah but john denver um you guys are similar what whites you and john denver i'm not offended by that thank you i closed my mouth i covered my mouth i thought you were going to be offended but you covered your mouth that was your maybe in that to try to buy it back that's the i do my maybes as well so this is my mind made i like that my maybe thank you so maybe yeah that should be the name of your next special my maybe but i've never had a special is that because you don't feel special oh oh that could be i think that's that was oh [ __ ] just oh [ __ ] what he just said kind of real huh really cut into it oh [ __ ] that hurt oh you're right are you doing a monologue i'm trying to stand sometimes no to see if a monologue will happen okay right so let's see if let me stand still let's do it again you want to go back to one yeah um what do you want me to take it from from well how did you lead me into it do you remember is that because you don't feel special whoa oh man so oh [ __ ] i think you hit a chord there man yeah um so what's up what are you doing dude don't [ __ ] move when i'm doing a monologue oh wow very christian bale i'm doing christian huh you know what i'll hang out with you i'm not working with you anymore you didn't say that something like that something like this yeah yeah all right i'm sitting down back down now okay what was the problem there though you're a cut off standing up he's trying to give me another lead please is that because you don't feel special growing up i um glad you said that because growing up my parents didn't speak english and they never um talked to me about anything i was abused and um i was someone touched my pp as a kid and stuff and um yeah uh i grew up feeling that i was like a piece of [ __ ] and not special and so i think that a lot of people asking me to do a special um i think it's fear not fear i think it's a reflection on how i actually feel about myself cut [Music] that was perfect now listen on this next take that was perfect again yeah all right yeah okay we got to that yeah are you the director over here huh are you the director oh no i ended that whole thing i'm just oh i'm just me again sorry i'm sorry oh we're just moving on i thought we're just gonna move on oh i thought we were in the scene okay my bad all right so that was pretty good guys or no that's good that's pretty good not great though not great oh [ __ ] but good enough yeah you're right i don't feel special i think also i have a can i ask you a question i hate to ask this but um and i know i've been doing comedy for so long bill and i need advice because i can never tell if you're being so i'm being [ __ ] dead serious right now okay i need help we can't do that i need help what is your problem for the last couple years maybe five years on stage i'll do like one i'll squeeze in one new joke this and that but like my shit's not growing and i'm not having fun with it and i'm afraid to bomb oh you got to get past that yeah i'm afraid to bomb yeah you just gotta and i'm in that locked-in thing so it's like when i'm at a club and it's packed and i'm following all these guys i have an agenda like i'm gonna do this new joke this joke but once i'm up there i go i gotta kill because there's a crowd here how do i get through with it yeah i need help what would feel better after that when you go home and you lay your little asian head on your pillow that was made by white sweatshop work yeah well made by mike lindell what's to make you feel better uh knowing that you tried and you're bombed or knowing that you're chickened out what's going to make you feel worse i should say knowing that you chickened out it's so funny that you say that because um every time i'm in the car driving home if you could see if you had a camera outside my car window and you were filming it on a wide shot this is what you'd see you know i mean i'm like yelling at myself now why do you think i know that because you've seen me no i went through the same thing oh you did yeah when i used to wanted to do the uh sunday night at the boston i'd always would chicken out uh in new york it was it was talent in uh will silvince's show the all-black show i knew i could do well on it and i kept chickening out like you know three weeks in a row then i'd be laying in in my railroad apartment in my little skinny bed going i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself and then finally one night i was like okay what's gonna feel worse going in and doing this and bombing or [ __ ] chickening out and laying and i just knew that just you know not doing it so i went in and i actually ended up having a great set and then it changed from that moment or was it something that you said my whole life has been baby steps baby steps baby steps baby steps trying to get over something that i think is a mountain and it's like stepping up on a curb by the time you do it you're like oh is that all it was that's what it is so you just have to go out there pick a night go up to the belly room and just pick a night and be like i'm just gonna [ __ ] do these three things that i don't give a [ __ ] how they go i'm gonna give them my all i'm gonna have a good time all you gotta do is just if you're bombing you just make fun of yourself yeah and it was so funny that you say this because you would think that i would know this after 30 years here i mean no but there's all there's there's no rhyme or reason to it you know who's great at jim norton jim norton recently has been posting a bunch of like you know more content is [ __ ] hilarious yeah i love him but he'll occasionally he'll post a joke that doesn't do well and it ends up like him commenting on it not doing well ends up killing harder than you know all right yeah yeah he'll be like god damn it i had such high hopes for that everybody just it just releases the tension yeah i think in the beginning you're going back to when you first were a comedian you didn't know how to release the tension so it just became like awful awful awful you know that's why i was better to bomb in front of a black crowd because i felt like their vibe is we're having fun either with you or without you so if you start bombing they just start laughing and heckling so there's the show continues the show's either gonna be your act the jokes you're telling them or it's gonna be them just now toying with you so yeah anyway i would just yeah just do that and i think the more comics that you tell that you're you're scared to do that the more we'll support you to get out there and go do it and then you'll go do it you see that see that's why i never have i ever asked that question before no no no because it's so hard to ask so hard to ask a guy that you you know that you work with and that you admire and then go how do i do this or how do i get back you know and i think that um i'm a bald orange man what does that mean it just means who the [ __ ] am i what is that look at me i know there's no reason if you look at me you'd think i i could be good at anything i know yeah so it looks like a carl to me if it was like a carl like i've always wanted to call it no yeah everybody i kind of like that name everyone i want to call you carl for some reason like you look like a carl jenkinson or i would love to play a guy i would love to play a guy named carl yeah yeah that's a name that's kind of dying out carls were uh i don't know they were sort of guys guys but they also could be like bullies or dicks yeah but i feel like carl is a guy that was like like if i was in a japanese internment camp right and you know how they were free inside the thing right they weren't chained up yeah what do you mean yeah yeah they were free the cage yeah use that word yeah but what let's use the word free yeah they were free within the parameters of what of tortoises united states right gave them so you're free within this area so they were able to walk around this and that right but i'm sure they were able to get like pure rice like the good rice the shiny right the shiny rice the sticky rice the sticky rice right but i bet you you know there are guys like carl right as a security guard at the [ __ ] internment camp who was an american which is willing to risk his own true freedom yes yes to to get you sticky rice because he realized that you were actually chinese and nachos and that you guys weren't responsible for pearl harbor and actually were suffering right under the japanese because the japanese are kind of the white people of asia yes yes that's the movie hey that's not bad that's not bad i whisper through the little fans i go i hit the buddy caught him i go hey carter wild walk what why a word that's a hard name for an asian there's an r i know but that's what he'll say you know somebody did that to bruce lee in a movie what the director would uh and bruce lee somehow had a dis agreement in one of those movies uh the character name that he was trying to get to they made it mr braithwaith oh my god what an [ __ ] yeah so he got mr mister [Laughter] yeah that's how insecure that that guy was that he had to do yeah that he had to do that too i if i was a strip writer for a bruce lee movie i would use words like cleveland just really difficult words for him to say yeah i mean anyway i would go carl carl and you go yeah that's my name and i go i'd say what do you want there little fella i know and you're allowed to be like some of that sticky rice yes that this sounds like it's written by a white guy and then a cute little asian pulls his head through yeah but like but carl would you give me sticky rice if you could find it i'm gonna tell you this right now uh-oh there's no [ __ ] way i could guard people such as yourself why because you were just civilians ah yeah like i wouldn't want to guard harden hardcore criminals because i don't have the street smarts to not get [ __ ] up but there's no [ __ ] way i could go to work unless i deliberately got a job there to try to bring some sort of humanity to you wow see i'm not a bad guy i know but the thing is i'll break your balls and i would make fun of you and your prison guard but i would i would still be well you would probably belittle me still verbally got to in a good natured way like little guy what's up little guy lil fella little fella what's up little fella i say a little fella right and then i have to internalize that an average side in china but i'm internalized and there's way more of you than there are me so that brings the curve down right right yeah and you're all right okay i feel like you're defending china were you born there you are not average height in china yes you're short for an asian you're a chaisen you're special you're a short asian i'm a yeah i'm a chasen for sure yeah um great word can i just say something that was an attack all right and i want to defend myself real quick okay is is that when western culture introduced our foods to the east the people grew larger right so in the 50s right i would assume that if i was in beijing or wherever is that in china yes right and i'm walking around right i want to be a chinese guy named carl you know and i'm walking around i feel like i'd be like i'm average in the 50s in the 50s yeah yeah but now now you know i mean yeah oh [ __ ] that hurts yeah i'm not even [ __ ] tall there man you're not yeah we've been to korea you were tiny there oh yeah they also look down on me the [ __ ] koreans are so rude to me why he doesn't speak korean not only does not speak korean they don't know who i am right so like i i'll you know who i am no no that's not why no that's not that's not what i got to go to north korea to get a [ __ ] decent table around here but there is like you know when no one knows like not one thing and then you're showing up on like a set or whatever that's korean production it's just they don't know who you are so it just feels you're mean like um my god i just realized so you look like oh oh here we go hold on to your horses guys who made that saying up by the way hold your horse hold your horses yeah anyway hold your horses go ahead imagine it was probably some cowboy reasonable guy there's no reason to go have frontier justice hold your horses let's try to think this through okay so tell me what i look like you look like the dude who gets his head cut off in [ __ ] year of the dragon mickey rook you gotta look that up when that guy he takes it out he throws it on the table to the drug lord don't watch that movie i know it's a movie i haven't seen it yeah it's not it's it's the woman that plays mickey rourke's wife is [ __ ] amazing in it so it's worth watching that but uh you know yeah they could have handled this subject to you a little better right so [Laughter] right you know what i mean we should watch it um the year of oh my god look at that well where's the severed head guild yeah it's not showing up on google image all right go to the imdb page if you want to see the guy we'll find the actor there's an asian guy all right is he asian in this yeah all right did you see squid games no i've tapped out of all tv oh wow you haven't seen squid guys i just watched i'm i am there's so much great tv being watched it becomes trying to watch all of it is stressful and i just i know but do you know what to eat with chin doesn't have a picture wait wait wait wait imdb on the basic uh the basic internet there on the interface page there interweb this better be worth it [Laughter] the guy that guy on the right there in the suit [ __ ] amazing actor that guy is unbelievable he's [ __ ] amazing at it it's just like i said it's it's it's done from a very white person perspective there's a lot of like hey and i'm gonna tell you right now the rice is gonna boil over and chin it down yeah um all right we'll watch it then but i i want to can i can i push all right squid games though squid games i don't know no no listen listen jesus [ __ ] listen for a second man all right because remember talk to him about this oh yeah so [ __ ] her listen all right all right you got me already back in my chair here i don't know what i'm saying is do you remember when we've talked about this before when i went to your house and i gave you old boy yes okay i'm telling you i think that you will like squid games because you liked old boy it's that good i believe all right yeah i know but i also you know i'm a [ __ ] up dude i don't need to be watching [ __ ] up [ __ ] it is as [ __ ] up as it is yeah i don't need it you guys are telling me about the audition i don't i don't need to see [ __ ] like that what did you see it yeah i did see it i didn't find it as as horrifying as it was just sort of [Laughter] like when she was just like that weird thing it just wasn't scary all right it just wasn't scaring me it was it became uh you know it's all you know so much you got to build the suspense that's timing like making a great horror movie and making a great comedy are the exact same thing because it's all going to be in that editing and tightening it up so it so the setup punch and then there's all these setup punches in in horror that these people if you don't have that timing the horror film timing it just becomes funny or boring right so you're saying that being paralyzed from the neck down and having a woman stick needles in your eyeball he is not [ __ ] scary that's [ __ ] scary um [Music] for some reason i just didn't connect with it right i think there was something about that uh wasn't he your acting coach no what was his deal his deal was he his which is not even a plausible [ __ ] scenario but so it's basically i have a friend who's a casting director and i'm looking for a date because my wife died or whatever and i'm like hey can you set up a bunch of auditions so i can meet a girl oh yeah see so he kind of did some dirty [ __ ] dirty yeah well there you go and then you met this psycho i mean yeah you deserve all of that he didn't deserve all that no he didn't deserve all that yeah what you could say about a lot of people these days [Music] yeah i think there's one korean horror that you might really like i think you just said there's one korean one [ __ ] horror movie yeah no there's one asia goes hard on horror like this yeah they don't want to just entertain you they wanted to psychologically scar you yeah such respect for asian horror films asian horror films i won't watch them they take it one step too far like for instance if i was a director right a korean director if i was an american director like i think parasite was like a rom-com over there for them okay yeah yeah yeah yeah it did have a very funny comedic vibe to it but i'm telling you the whaling this one i think you'd like this this one is so good why you don't like [ __ ] uh asian architecture um i do that's what it's about i do but only if there's asians in there yeah yeah you gotta watch this i don't want to meet a white guy coming out that door so you know what yes we love sushi we just figured we go with that that theme yeah so you don't watch anything right now at all nothing that's so [ __ ] liberating right to just be like yeah i don't care dude it's you got you have to see it it's so good you know it was everybody's going it's so good like that yeah all right oh yeah [ __ ] it's a little bit of a turn off you have to see it and it's kind of like well or you could like save me 15 hours of my [ __ ] life and just tell me what happens all right i'll tell you what happens what happens in squid game [Laughter] you want me to tell you yeah all right so if i can remember there's a guy all right who's gonna do this i'm gonna do it i don't give a [ __ ] by the way if squid games pitch this this pitch this to the network they wouldn't even got picked up and you're not you're a neighbor executive i'm pitching it all right so it's about a korean guy all right it's in korea that's why green light it we've been racist we just need people of color there we go oh just do it thank you absolutely people in it no white people no no no there's actually there's is he toxic yes yes green lightning does that make me less racist yes there's a guy who's down on his luck korean dude he gambles on the side right he steals stamford and son meets korea no i'm not done let me love it excuse me executive can i pitch may i finish the pitch all right so anyway so he's desperate for money he's also in he owes money to loan sharks do i have everything right so far right and so loan sharks find him he's after like a gambling thing we was at a i'm not pitching this well and so and they make him sign something he doesn't know what he's signing basically what he's signing is to be involved in a game called squid game and and it's for people that um are in debt they make money what people like more of a salmon role it has nothing to do with [ __ ] seafood i'm sorry okay it has nothing to do with seafood executives got a check to asian awareness [Laughter] so sorry it's okay may i finish yes i'm loving this right so anyway um people who are in debt of er in the show sign up for this thing called the school my wife and i just went to downtown chinatown and we loved it okay that has nothing to do that has nothing to do with what i'm saying just trying to because it's correct and i know you're very open and um executive anyway let me finish um but what the squid games is is basically a competition and um like the but a series of games that people play they're locked into this on this island the hunger games meets the fish market exactly yes it's hunger games means an okinawa fish market that's what it is i mean i love it thank you what do you see casting that woman from crouching tiger yeah does she float how does she float over wild walk oh she and there's um a lot of blood anyways so thank you i think you should see it bill and that's the last time i'm gonna ask you to see it [ __ ] it did i do a good job dude is it interesting i'm guessing he wins at least the first [ __ ] season or else the show's over yeah that's true there we go yeah yeah but i'm really ruining the suspense of him getting where i know he's gonna be no because there's a lot of twists and turns if i told you what those are right now you'd be like some people call it suspense other people call it twists and turns yeah some yeah there's a lot of switches a lot of that laugh that was literally like i just poked your belly i know what the [ __ ] bro don't you remember like uh the michelin man oh no no no no yeah yeah yeah he used to do that anyway i won't watch matrix or ghostbusters so it's just it's done i'm done with that are you [ __ ] tired of that [ __ ] i think it's amazing how much [ __ ] they just keep rebooting it's almost like they collectively like you know what we've told every story there's no more ways to do this let's just go back you know that's probably not what it is i think they just need content yeah and you have to have like like every one of those [ __ ] content channels i get on that thing and it's like do you remember uh robin williams in moscow on the hudson yeah and he goes into the grocery store and after being from russia you know this is the american version of it he goes in as overwhelmed by how much cereal is there and he even faints in the aisle yeah i think i remember that yeah yeah over over simplifying capitalism versus whatever we thought communism was uh yeah that's what i feel like when i turn when i when i put on any of those streaming channels yeah but they also probably own properties like paramount will own like a property like like i did a pilot called problem child based on the [ __ ] movie movie yeah yeah yeah so we're like we own this property let's do the show we did the pilot didn't work out well but that's like just what they're doing because they just need the content and they own these properties and they redo them like fantasy island and all this [ __ ] and we have to [ __ ] just oh i see i see what no i get it no that makes sense like do you know like overseas you know you'll see some random [ __ ] movie like why the [ __ ] is this here and this this is how it or how they make money is when they sell goodfellas you know overseas you can't just buy goodfellas you gotta buy like a bundle of 200 movies oh so they have like weekend at bernie's nine right there and then they bought it so like well [ __ ] it we bought it we might as well put it out there and then what happens it actually starts to make money oh not picking on the weekend at bernie's franchise right i'm like box set and you get to buy the whole [ __ ] thing is that what you're saying that the people who had channels over there if that even still exists yes carl it does yeah i i didn't know i thought like netflix and streaming and everybody took over everything they did take out yeah yeah but i'm sure like countries still like like paulie used to paulie sure used to brag about dude son-in-law is number one in thailand yeah he really really was in the philippines son-in-law all polyshore movies were like number one for like a whole decade probably sure make great movies in the army now great movie love it great what it is i mean i love it i'm frozen i'm not acting like it's chinatown great [ __ ] movie i know that's the first one i came in for after seconds like am i allowed to say this to him yeah chinatown is a classic great movie some white person not involved in this conversation get offended for you yeah yeah let me let me ask you something right when you're on stage are you because of the culture and the climate that we're in right now are you editing or no no you're just saying whatever you want to say yeah which i have the right to do which i know you have which you know i gotta be honest with you think of the last time somebody in this business or outside of this business complained about a joke and then think about how funny they are it's unbelievable it's like somebody tone deaf telling a musician what chords they should be playing it's [ __ ] unbelievable it's unbelievable yeah and then when you see what's actually really happening climate change and all of these types of things really important stuff they just completely blow it off banks and oil company controlling our [ __ ] uh foreign policy ah none of that [ __ ] yeah but then did you hear what he said in that [ __ ] strip mall something can comedy go too far none of us are funny let's see let's sit around and discuss it yeah man like i did i'll tell you what's [ __ ] funny is sinead o'connor remember when she tore up the picture of the whole yeah yeah uh nobody said she was right because then after that all of those [ __ ] scandals came out that they were [ __ ] kids yeah all right and the whole thing was like how dare you stuff the [ __ ] pope that like effectively ruined her it ruined your career or it ended it right sinead's career was over at that moment but we should be thanking she was right oh in many ways we should she called it she did call it she did call it but that's why i still buy her album i'll tell you what i don't [ __ ] understand what all right how these gas prices can go through the goddamn roof because they didn't make any money last year and nobody has a [ __ ] problem with that and then you remember the beginning of the pandemic the guy who [ __ ] hoarded the hand sanitizer yeah they crucified that guy oh documentary about that guy that poor guy that guy was one of the greatest dude i called it ever yeah how many times have they been saying something's coming the sars all of this [ __ ] [ __ ] whatever it ain't coming this guy this guy [ __ ] took a shot he bet the [ __ ] 100 to one horse and it came in and they took away his winnings and they they they [ __ ] crucified him for price gouging and all of that but if a corporation who advertises on that same [ __ ] news network does it they don't [ __ ] say a word well didn't he and i'll tell you right now that's some [ __ ] yeah yeah and he did it he did it through amazon right it was like an amazon seller yeah reseller and amazon was doing the same [ __ ] [ __ ] that's why they shut him down and they shut him down because we watched a documentary oh they did there's already been a documentary on him oh yeah yeah what yeah there was a in that same documentary there was a guy but it just happened i know they they just put up were they making a document they're probably making a documentary as he was doing it going like this is like a rags to riches story and then it turned no was it kind of it wasn't it was about canceled concert it was about canceled because it's like because like the new york times like wrote an article about him yeah like it was insane much [ __ ] that because you know why the same reason why they crucify [ __ ] comedians it's safe yeah it's safe because i always said dude if we all got together and we as comedians we started buying ad time on fox and cnn you all of a sudden we wouldn't be offensive anymore see that look at this whiz i know this guy but in the same documentary it has hit that guy from san diego who worked for like the gas and water company or whatever he was driving his car it was at the same time he's at a stoplight and there's a blm protest going walking around street he stops he's fine right mexican guy like you know and he's when he drives he he kind of like you know stretches out his fingers he just he does he does this right when he's driving and he did this symbol like this and they took this photo while he's driving like this while he's stretching his hand out like this and he lost his job because this is a white power white power symbol he still doesn't have a job that guy what's wrong carl he hangs his hand out the window and he stretches his fingers i was driving by my boss's house and i was stretching and then all sudden i was like i don't i don't wanna i know but that's it look that's the white power that's the white is he holding a joint or he could be doing like a reverse like rock and roll thing yeah but then why how could a mexican guy get in trouble for white power they don't want like those aryan guys don't want him either i know my point that's what he was saying he was like why am i cancelled i'm mexican so that's in the same documentary i said that's why get out of here we just used that as an excuse yeah oh and that's why yeah i mean i feel like if you did this a million like as fast as you can you'll find a symbol that someone's not gonna like someone's not gonna like your footwork and make it what the [ __ ] bill excuse me carl what the [ __ ] is wrong with my feet man you have talons like my feet are [ __ ] look at this it's bleeding right here oh anyway that's only because you don't take care of yourself i don't yeah and then i'm supposed to sit here as an adult be upset when they have all cures for all your ales i know same thing with your car you can get that thing fixed the whole [ __ ] thing is not worth it no it's not that's not why i'm i'm not worth it i'd be a great therapist how are you going to be a [ __ ] baby for yeah and after we get our zoom session i'm just going to [ __ ] kill myself you know just build with my therapist but my plastic let's bring some more fresh meat in here when you when you see me walking around do you think that i'm a guy that just doesn't take care of himself like what a mess no i feel like you're punishing yourself for [ __ ] that that it's not your fault there we go other people did [ __ ] to you so now you have and actually it angers me because i reminds me of the times i do it to myself ah there you go all right with your [ __ ] acorn hat so detention because i said something nice that was really fun oh that's why that's what you can't do you can't give me a copy jump on my point yeah you can't give me a compliment you can't give me a compliment unless you slam yourself i literally just said this i know i know speaking of john denver he has on the [ __ ] the john denver [ __ ] uh yeah he used to win i used to wear one of those way back in the day when i worked in a warehouse this guy used to call it the colorado you're going to watch the colorado yeah like the furry [ __ ] jean jacket let me see if i can sing a john denver song rocky mountain is that one that's not one rocky mountain huh then there's that one that makes even most white people uncomfortable what sons make up man it's like [ __ ] thank god i'm a country boy oh country yeah that's a good one yeah it's like that don't pay for whatever you think i [ __ ] got like a rubber band in your teeth it's just like jesus wrong bar wrong bar he also has a song about eagle the eagle and the hawk and it doesn't sound like any of his other songs i am an ego and a hawk flying above you something like that anything close i am an ego flying right above you that's a john number song he did a lot of looking out his window in colorado didn't he oh that's right that's what i feel like i don't think he did it when he was on the road i think he just waited now i write that album when i'm in colorado i know i know how my my bread's buttered yeah dee how do you die plain i think that's a plane plane oh she goes plane i think i was raising my hand german planet right wasn't it a plane crash yes i think it was yeah yeah he died and then bonobonno oh sonny he died from a tree too from is yeah skiing right yeah yeah that tree [ __ ] got him how would you like to go out are you afraid to die uh no at all well i am for my kids well i don't want to die a horrific death but like i think it's going to be really relaxing and i don't believe that there's anybody's going to be judging me you know why why because it was these two [ __ ] kittens outside of my house these two stray kittens right and i'm sitting there and i'm trying to get them into the [ __ ] house because i know what's going to happen to them if they stay out there and they just wouldn't get any closer and we were getting closer three days you know we were getting close to like they were going to accept us we had a crate we're going to put them in it and blah blah blah they just kept jumping over the fence to take the food and they wouldn't let us get anywhere near him and then i'm sitting on my couch and i heard this [ __ ] [ __ ] noise and i haven't seen him since okay you already got him yeah and i'm just thinking to myself like [ __ ] man yeah like what kind of story is that what kind of story is that yeah that's what this [ __ ] place is you don't have a garage put the [ __ ] kittens in the [ __ ] garage man dude and the thing goes uh the [ __ ] door they're gonna run out oh you killed a bird the other day i didn't kill it i rescued a bird quite the opposite no i said to bring it inside and then you didn't no because it's a baby you can't just if the mother happens to come back for it you can't bring a baby in i know but what my plan was baby hurt outside let's bring it in give it i had sunflower seeds if in 24 hours the mother didn't come back i would have given it food and water died anyway it's okay the baby bird died tried the other kittens that's a t-shirt what baby bird died dot dot tried [Music] wait did the other kittens survive they're just not and i don't know if somebody else got him yeah and was able to get him into a shelter but uh you know it's just you know there's a lot of variables everybody in my house is allergic to cats it was very [ __ ] stressful yeah yeah three days and every day i'm like going [ __ ] guys and they would meow real loud and i'd be like guys get inside you can't [ __ ] be i was talking to him oh yeah [ __ ] doing that come out here and then i'd start to come towards them trying to like you know and i cuz i was stressed they kept [ __ ] running away it was a nightmare it's a [ __ ] nightmare and then like the same guy was gonna judge me creates this [ __ ] world that two things that cute can't hang out for more than three nights or else they get [ __ ] eaten alive yeah and then you're going to give me [ __ ] because i went to a titty bar so no i think you just when's the last time you went to a titty bear oh god i don't even know i i don't know you went to one oh i used to go uh on monday nights but we wouldn't we would just drink at the bar we're here in l.a yeah i'm not going to say i'm not going to say which one but we [ __ ] uh cheetahs it had to bench it had been cheetahs yeah it was yes it was i used to go there with two other comics yeah and we would just sit and we would we would you know the dancers over there we would tip all the dancers yeah and then you know we didn't do any of that creepy lap dance [ __ ] or anything we would just sit there drinking beers just laughing our [ __ ] ass we just call them board meetings board meeting we would go down there and it was uh yeah we had a great time we got to know people down there and they just knew us we were like these regular bar flies and we would go down there but that was like i mean like i don't know seven eight ten years ago well cheetahs is just a great bar the inside it's like it's it's a great boat yeah it's a cool ball it's really nude so it's not right right they also shot you know the comedy central [ __ ] they're like yeah yeah like already show all right what's your first show not you're there you see i always see comics like i used to see there a lot hanging out i love him i don't know why i don't i wouldn't name names of who's hanging out down there [Laughter] it was maybe cut that out yeah yeah but it was i would definitely cut that off it was a it was a fun it was a fun hank it reminded me like i remember a long time ago uh one of the first times i went down to atlanta and i met some woman down there and she we were gonna go hang out and she wanted to take me to a titty bar and i go what she goes she goes this isn't these they're not like in the other states it's like a party everybody's having a good time and i went in and that's what it was like it was like an album release party oh really that's what it felt like it didn't feel like uh you know when you be in some god-forsaken town and all those truckers are in there just [Laughter] you felt like there was a serial killer in here i have to you know i have to get out of here that's sort of how all the l.a city bars are i've been to most of them like sam's all of them it's just a nice drinking vibe yeah what is that reservation dogs oh yeah you're both in it oh you want to talk about how great is that show it's fantastic sterling man when i thurlin came on the show and said that you had the best oaky accent you'd ever heard that's what sterling said that's good i worked on that i got a coach and everything like that because all those people giving me [ __ ] just cause they know i'm where i'm from it's not like i have like a hardcore boston accent i just have like an east coast accent i pronounce my r's and stuff but like it's it's not and it's just how you know they say like you know bob box i say bob box walk so you know like uh what can i can you teach me how to do a boston accent real quick i've always wanted to learn so give me uh something that i could why don't you give me a sentence all right all right try try saying do you stop do your job do your job what's that chinese hey do your job no that sounds asian right asian new york eight eight two you do you do you i i i i i you're going to keep going why don't you say a [ __ ] sentence and then i [ __ ] repeat it you pull your job i just had to see where you were good so give me a line well one thing that they always say they always [ __ ] up is they it's a there's the joke park the car in the harvard yacht so then people think everything is just ah park the car so like i'll say they'll say where you're from and i'll say boston and they go oh boston it's like that's how people from the midwest say it right so b.o.s becomes b-a-w bar like saw right job is state of the line again and i'm going to repeat that job do your job job job no just just think like saw saw say jaw jaw what is wrong with you what do you mean are you doing this on purpose no i know i'm just trying to lift aw what is this called right here this is your a jaw forget [Laughter] you know what i'm not going to charge you for this session i'm going to finish this i'm going to finish the session i want to do that go ahead what are you guys getting at all right start over let's start over he really [ __ ] you george i really want to do this please help me what's the name of the movie with the shark in it jaws can you not say it jaws jaws okay that's how you would say okay okay jaws jaws now just add a b at the end of it boss no no at the end of it job job job do your job do your job yeah not a job you're trying to do in the boston i can't do it i can't [Laughter] why you know what you can't be this bad you're the one that's on purpose no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no you're not doing it on purpose you're hopeless i'm hopeless there we go you know what and so you know what's you know what hurts me dizzy i don't give a [ __ ] yeah you do yeah you do yeah you do i think you do you just reminded me of [ __ ] overly like just self analysis do you know what really hurts me you do tv shows and movies you know i'm doing okay thank you yeah you're crushing it i'm doing good do you know what really hurts me i don't i don't care i know you don't and you know what i'm glad you know otherwise i do care it was just too [ __ ] desperate and it made me feel uncomfortable and you you put all your pain right in my face and i didn't want to see it i wanted you to sit back in that dirty orange chair you know i honest honestly when i first met you i was super intimidated just let me finish okay i honestly love you so much i think we're going to become really good friends i feel it i feel like in my 50s this is gonna and you i know i don't know what you're doing right now and i don't like it i can feel the resistance he's rejecting your friend he's rejecting and i know you're going to say something like from boston that's going to be like brass and like hurtful jaws you know i mean all right and um but i honestly need that off with the pass all right let's do the unhelpful advice oh okay unhopeful advice with bill burr all right uh hey guys my name is joel i'm 24 years old and i've been having a new fetish lately of wanting someone to watch me and my girl have sex girl or guy i don't care just want them to watch but that's it how do i bring it up with my partner what's my plan oh god it depends on what your end goal is if you want to settle down and get married and have a wife and kids i wouldn't indulge in that [ __ ] but if you just want to like [ __ ] not be tethered to any sort of [ __ ] normalcy then uh how would you do that what you got to do is you got to be like so you know you want to spice it up a little bit you have that conversation and then you see like what the [ __ ] she's into and then you got to kind of play it out and gradually either go right to it or bring it around eventually you know what i mean do it take her to one of those sex clubs see if she's into the exhibition game or voyeurism even i didn't listen to the question say it again yeah but if they haven't done anything like that yeah so then just out of nowhere go hey you want to go go to applebee's or maybe the sex club tonight yeah that's the way to do it yeah yeah we could get a moon over my hammy or watch the people [ __ ] each other what's the question honey i'm just spitballing okay [Laughter] just throwing [ __ ] against the wall gilbert that's a great way to defend how how would you convince kalila to let another woman or a man watch you guys have sex have another woman or man watch you guys you have exhibitionists you're an exhibitionist you want to be seen having sex yeah i feel like that you wouldn't you wouldn't be you would be okay with it i don't think i would be okay with it i would be okay i think you would no i don't like being seen i'm a voyeur i like to watch i don't like being seen so you would watch me do it with something i would rather watch you have sex with like with who anyone but i'm sort of a [ __ ] i've you and bill [Laughter] would you watch me and carl my my new best friend carl as long as i'm in character it's not okay yeah yeah i'll get a golden globe for this or a golden shower that would be the most miserable human experience of my life making love to him why do you have to be so hurtful no it just would be hard i just why can't you take the time to get to know me like this i just would i i would have performance anxiety i think you would too with him yeah with eric griffin no lay on your stomach i got it and i was just putting my arm around griffin with a griffin yeah yeah but with billy you know who else would you have a hard time with and who else what about how about a woman you know you know just going right to god yeah it's funnier with guys with women in terms of comics yeah um no whitney mm-hmm no you got what are you doing naming names here come on no we could name names who i want to make love to how is that hurtful because they have to do it with you [Laughter] that's that's that's true but hurtful yeah but whitney probably know nikki glazier nah no one there's not a female comic i would make love what about bert for christian yeah probably yeah yeah because it would be so that'd be like a buddy movie it'd be yeah i know right a road money a rackling laughing i know because when we did uh that would still be pg-13 oh you think no with burr i mean with no because you guys are like good-natured fun people that people love yeah that it would it wouldn't it wouldn't seem dirty yeah yeah like he's [ __ ] my on my hand [ __ ] in your palm he shouldn't have my palm well there you're halfway there yeah yeah when i did this netflix show and he did the the colonic the the coffee colonic it sprayed onto my hand i saw the whole the whole thing right and i felt okay with that you know i mean would you like if it was carl oh my god yeah that would be terrible if anyway anything like a hallmark card both of you guys have your legs crossed the same way one in front of the other two of the same chairs let me ask you something remember those love is those creepy cards when we were kids no what was those yes the kids were the giant eyes yeah there was something about that reminding me remember those cutouts love it then i looked into your eyes and i realized that this is not the card um any other ones is that it that's it for us anything to promote bill uh season five the fifth and final season of episode family is streaming now on netflix and our girl mo collins is on it oh collins is on it there's a bunch of people on it yeah yeah it's a great show sam rockwell why is it that's insane dave kechner huge why only one more season justin long okay justin trevor duvall oh it's huge it's amazing why only one more season vince vaughn is vince on it vince vaughn was on season three okay can i can i say something i want to thank you about vince that was all uh i want to know thank you can i thank you something okay for 20 years oh you already told me the story you already said thank you yeah and i want to thank you yeah okay and that that's first of all how mad are your listeners right now yes what is he talking about i think they know yeah you've you've told this i thought you've told me i think they know i want to thank you for that because that was something that i thought i was going to die with and you did that and i want to say that um hey carl's always looking out for his little buddy i think you are i think you really are and i also want to thank you for um having all things comedy and having our podcast on your network and i want to give you um i love you carl and i'm going to give him a round of applause give carl a round of applause for yourself thank you everybody season five final season last season mm-hmm this is it and any road dates you want to [ __ ] plug jesus that's aggressive um and see i'll be in san diego december 10th and then i'll be in indianapolis in the teens i don't know the exact dates and then between christmas and new year i'll be in phoenix arizona f is for family there is for family check it out uh thank you the great mike price from the simpsons love him he's the best laura dern's in it i know i mean he said that that's an a-list [ __ ] situation billy i love you thank you so much for debbie daryberry trying to give a shout out to everybody anybody else peter billingsley victoria vaughn valerie vaughn who's peter billingsley the late great david richardson who's peter billings great mark wilmore who the [ __ ] are these people are they on the show writers and performers all right okay good yeah yeah give them a round of applause for family the whole staff and crew that could go for everybody okay give bill a round of applause [Music] foreign [Music] okay

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 1,326,982

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, all things comedy, stand up, bad friends, comedy podcast, tigerbelly clips, bobby lee podcast, trash tuesday, bad friends podcast, bad friends clips, tkats, tfatk, Bobby lee andrew santino, bill burr, bill bert, monday morning podcast, bobby lee andrew santino, snl, monologue, conan, jre, top 10 bill burr moments, thursday afternoon, stand up comedy, atc podcast, bill burr podcast, bill bert podcast, bill burr rant, tgb

Id: _nlTlUDvmfE

Length: 67min 4sec (4024 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 09 2021