Don't Break Down Because You've Broken Up -Periscope session with RC BLAKES

how to break up without breaking down because the reality of breakups is something you cannot get around you can't you know thank you thank you for being a pastor Lewis you can't get around it if if you are dating or if you're you know in pursuit of some lifelong situation you're gonna have misfires you're going to have relationships that just don't go to distance and not going to work and and we're not designed to work because you're trying to mix turkeys and eagles and so they break you know it there's a breakup but you don't have to break down because you experienced a breakup Alan price of new psalmist in Baltimore god bless you god bless you loose on us is a tremendous Church you don't have to break down because you're breaking up and they're just too many of you that I talk to or correspond with who seem to be on the verge of just losing your absolute mind because somebody left or because somebody wants to leave you can't control you can't control another person's wishes you can't stop me from leaving if I want to leave nor should you even want to stop me from leaving if I'm too stupid to recognize the value that is you you should even want me that's the attitude you have to take about breakups I mean people come in people go you know people have been breaking up and making up and breaking up as long as the Earth's been turning but you know what's consistent even when people are broken up life goes on the world the world keeps spinning things keep moving nothing changes so while you breaking down because you feel like your whole world is collapsed because somebody's no longer in it things are still moving you know you may be on pause but the move is still playing with or without you that's the dangerous thing with or without you life goes on the music keeps playing the movie keeps rolling with or without you you choose to check out on life and on everything that is life because somebody chooses not to do it with you by the time you wake up you know the world and life is so far ahead you're trying to figure out where you are now let's get into this because every day every adult must learn how to let people go as an adult you have to know how to let people go children babies are the ones that don't know how to let go babies are the ones that cling to the to the leg and grab hold - mamas skirt tail and they can't let go when you are an adult you are supposed to know how to let people go you're supposed to know how to live by yourself with yourself and be happy alone if you have to be if you're if you're grown person and you don't know how to let go it's a sign that you have not be taught in certain areas emotionally people will be in and out of your life for the rest of your days your personal maturity may be measured by how well you process these situations when folk decide to walk out of your life how well do you process that that speaks directly to your maturity I've got 15 minutes to go through seven I think it's seven seven seven steps here seven points number one when you break up when somebody says they don't want it anymore they don't want you the more that's the perspective I'm coming from somebody tells you they don't want this anymore they don't want you anymore number one never ever ever never ever ever ever ever never ever ever never big a person to stay never big anybody to stay in your life never ever ever big a person to stay in your life if somebody tells you they don't want you they don't want this I don't care how much you love them you must love yourself more never big a person to stay in your life never be the woman that's holding on to the pant leg of the man while he's dragging you across the floor as he exits the building never be the man that's on your knees crying please please please like James Brown never big a person to stay when somebody has the gall to tell you they don't want you they don't feel like they want this anymore you have to have enough self-respect to say cool and turn and walk away hold the door open that's exactly right never been I don't care how broken your heart is trust me it is not as broken as it will be if you beg someone to skate and they stay out of pity for you and waste a chunk of your life if not all of your life and then at the end of the day end up leaving you anyway because they never deserved you you gotta let them go man now never begging a person to stay let me read this this only becomes when you beg a person to stay ok I'm you know I'm begging you to stay please stay with me please stay with me don't leave me please don't leave me stay with me I'm gonna make you love me man actor [ __ ] let me read this this only becomes emotional quicksand the more you put yourself out now listen to this very carefully the more you put yourself out by begging the more desperate you become for it to work and many of these feelings that you have will eventually have nothing to do with your earnest love and it will have more to do with the embarrassment you will begin to feel in other words you keep begging me to stay and I stay now your desire for this to work is becoming less about your so-called love for me and it's more about you've put yourself so far out there you embarrass now and it's a reflection on you if it doesn't work so now you're trying to make it work to avoid embarrassment and the Bible says in Proverbs 1312 Hope deferred makes the heart sick when you want something and you never get it it never shows up it makes the heart sick it makes the individual sick from the inside never big a person to stay it ends in a pit and endless pit of total degradation never big a person to say I don't care how much you think you love them never big a person to stay in your life never do it never ever ever do it number two oh I've got about 12 minutes send the person watch this when they when they exit rather than calling I can't thank you enough of this my stepdad is going through this with my mum Wow number two send a person an email send them a text or voice message explaining exactly how you feel no cursing not a long lengthy thing it doesn't unique you came you can't even project that you care that much but the purpose of the email the purpose of the text message too purpose of the voice message is to be able to detoxify it's to express your feelings in a concise way is cathartic for your heart no cursing none of that just you know language like disappointed surprised wish you all the best ideals you know never thought it would go this way you know that kind of stuff but get your feelings out get your feelings out because you get to cleanse your soul when you when you just write a type that and you look at and you can word it the way you need to word it without a lot of emotion but expressing exactly how you feel you get you get to cleanse your soul of all of your thoughts and feelings because now you're getting ready to embark upon life without this person so you need you need this closure and you don't need them for closure that's the beauty you don't need them for closure you just shoot the email you leave the voice message you leave the text message and it doesn't even matter if they read it or not you put it out there this is how I feel about it don't come at all that stuff but I you know I just love you so much I wish you come back and don't write don't don't type nothing if you're still in that state of mind because now you again begging people to stay with you don't be express your feelings in a controlled fashion like an email I think email is probably the best email text messaging if it you know on certain phones it breaks the message all up so it doesn't flow like you needed to flow but email leaving uh you know maybe a 60 second voice message nothing longer doesn't tick you doesn't take any longer than that to say what you need to say number three tell me how to break up without breaking down number one never big number two you know send your feelings an email or some fashion like that number three never involve other people in your situation in other words don't wouldn't try to get his friends or her people or their co-workers to get involved in your situation that only turns into nothing but a circus and a mess and it will make you look like the buffoon because when you get through sharing all of that stuff with them his people are her people they're going to go back to him or her and talk about how psycho you are most of the people that smiling up in your face are hypocrites you can't trust people with sensitive information like that that's the kind of stuff you got to keep to yourself or between you and some you know person that you understand is really in your corner but never involve other people in your business if it's meant to work out it will work out don't involve other people in your business sometimes when you involve other people in your business their involvement prevents the other person from really seeing or gaining clarity sometimes a person will come to him or herself but because you got so many people involved in it and it's saying all kind of stuff in the ears it's keeping the whole situation confused and out of balance just want him to leave me alone call the police if you feel he's a stalker and you want him to just leave you alone called the police tell him you calling the police so everybody stalking you as a woman and you don't call the police any even cute when a woman stalking a man that's nothing cute about that call the police the Popo call them all right never never involve others in your busines the Bible says in proverbs twenty six and twenty says we're no wood is there if I go without so where there is a no-tell barrel destructive season when you put your business in the mouths of people it's it's like it's like throwing it's like throwing dry wood on a fire and then wondering why is it blazing so high why is it why isn't it calming down it only makes things worse it only makes things worse don't involve people in your business pray about it get counsel from some qualified person on whatever level that might be and keep your business to yourself don't it don't involve other people don't think other people can go and and run interference for you because they'll only mess it up and and what they'll do is they'll create a they'll make a laughingstock out of your personal hurt and pain all right number four no don't be bashing on social media no that's right don't be bashing on those social media it makes you look small makes you look weak that's a good one right there that may be number eight number four turn your focus towards self-improvement stop why are you sitting up in the bed eating all this ice cream just gazing into the ceiling consumed with somebody who's gone on with with his or her life this person is gone they probably got somebody else now they're probably in Jamaica on the beach with somebody I don't mean to just turn a knife in you like that but sometimes I got to just put it to you like that they are on a beach sipping on whatever out of coconuts and you sit me in your room gazing at the ceiling thinking about somebody who ain't thinking about you eating all this ice cream and drinking all this kool-aid and everything and just sitting there when you should be using this time to work on you to improve you turn your focus towards self-improvement you don't need to go and get no rebound I guess that's another one you don't need to go replace a man with a man I replace a woman with a woman no no you need that you need some some down time you need some self time so you can figure out why did you let this person into your life what were you thinking what mistakes that shouldn't make so that you will not repeat them and take this time to improve on you look what the car Galatians 6 4 & 5 reads I think this is the message Bible version look what it says yo in your inviting people in our - please get to 400 live in the room come on look at the message Bible says in Galatians 6 4 and 5 says make a careful exploration of who you are listen to this carefully now Galatians 6 4 and 5 make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given and then sink yourself into that don't be impressed with yourself don't compare yourself with others others each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life take responsibility for your life improve your life don't sit up here and waste day after day after day thinking about somebody who's forgotten about you why would you lose your mind over somebody man I never get that I never get that I've never I've never understood that I've never I've never understood somebody saying if you leave me I will kill myself I'm gonna lose my mind I can't man digging man I just don't get it I know some people have chemical imbalances and all of that and they deal with depression for chemical reasons but I'm talking about people who are supposed to be balanced chemically what makes you think that you you the world ends because somebody's not bad you don't ever give anybody that much power over you man never gotta matter I wish I could just really get y'all to feel what I'm feeling number five do not allow the person to have access to you once you do all of these things and they've made all these bold staples I don't want you no mo I'm through this is over and it did change this status on Facebook did not then then no longer in a relationship single and all this you gotta go through all that but then you got to make certain this person no longer has any more access to you talking about blocking somebody this is the perfect candidate to block anybody that is bold enough to tell you you're not good enough for me I don't want you is block material now some of y'all just got to get out of your feelings and you got to get in you hear this just coming since I'm teaching you right now you all in your feelings still whining and crying and all this kind of stuff all these hearts floating in there and I'm not talking my periscope you in love with somebody who's not loving you back you put enough hearts he putting up daggers or she putting up daggers you still have hurt somebody stabbing you in the back what is the problem do not allow the person to have free access to you life is the father of your kid of course you got a whole different situation there there has to be some monitored you know contact I said we're not supposed definitely you know then you got to just put your big girl you know jeans on praise the Lord and behave like a grown woman not like a look nothing not like a little schoolgirl that's infatuated with some puppy love you got look this gentleman in the iron realized this is a person that has broken my heart has not fulfilled his promises to me and and could have left my life in shambles had I not pulled myself together and when you when you have that conversation with yourself when he comes to pick up his kid is all about him picking up his kids you don't have to be the angry woman you don't have to be the angry baby mama you can just be the woman that has moved completely on that's what you want to be a dignified woman that has moved completely on and you can come get your child you rub on your chin I used to get me but that don't work no more because now I know who you are since snake doesn't need to bite you but one time for you to identify this is a snake and then you put the snake in the snakes place that's any place that's not around me and the Bible says in Matthew 5:30 and if thy right hand offend thee cut it off there is a principle in there cast it from thee for it is profitable for thee that one of thy should perish and not that thy whole body should be cast in a list of what's the looming principle that anything that this detracts or subtracts from your well-being emotionally spiritually physically you must separate it from you any person that becomes an offense to you and your well-being emotionally spiritually and physically you must cut that individual off you got to cut them off if you ain't got no kids formed II did not suppose oh no no no no no no number six go out and find things and people that make you laugh how to break up without breaking down let me go through them again number one never big a person state number two send the person email text message voicemail explaining exactly how you feel cleansing number three never involve others in your situation number four turn your focus towards self improvement number five do not allow the person to have free access to your life none of this texting and coming by and calling when you won't none of that none of that none of that none of these things will happen number six go out and find things and people that make you laugh when's the last time you laugh when's the last time you like see when you when you when you when you when you're dealing with matters of the heart you have to intentionally set your life up for success emotionally most of us most of us fail emotionally because we fail to understand the responsibility of setting our lives up for emotional success you know like ah do bury yourselves in your work it's all work as all children is all businesses all church and you never have fun anyone and why you're depressed Bay you got you got it you got to go out when you when you going through tough season in life you got to go out and you got to you got to create opportunities manis past my time you have to create opportunities to just laugh you got it you got to find Kevin Hart or somebody man you got to find things in people that will just make you laugh you know mmm look what the Bible says in Proverbs 17:22 a merry heart doeth good like a medicine but a broken spirit drive the bones when you when you can laugh it brings healing to you physically emotionally spiritually laughter is medicinal it's like a medicine you know you got it you got a you that you have to put yourself in situations that will make you laugh I promise you man if you can just find the right movie whatever the right comic you know whatever your taste is whatever makes you laugh you just need to laugh when you laugh you're going to release all that stuff and you're going to realize that the world that days man I get heavy I promise you do with all of the responsibilities and the phone calls and and just everything that goes into doing what I do and I just got to go sit in a theater somewhere hopefully nobody else is in there and I want to find something that won't I'm nothing from the horror movie I don't need to see no I don't need no demons and all that only don't hear it's twisting around I want somebody to make me laugh I want to see a little short man trying to run with his feet in the air or something like that you know I want I want somebody a short person beating up a big person I want I want something to make me laugh and when you're going through tough times man you got to feel your world with laughter like some of y'all sitting at house right now with that ice cream you sitting there with that ice cream put that ice cream down and work your net flix get you something on there to make you laugh and sit up there tonight and just laugh and laugh on purpose it is bad as you think it is huh y'all steal Whitman yeah all the love stories and all that man y'all need to be looking at that right now you see they're looking it mmm nice creamy wish if you eat yourself into diabetic coma you better leave that ice cream alone man get you suck not no no no lifetime or whatever that lifetime movie with a women thank y'all don't need that something to make you laugh work that Netflix man you paying for it work that Netflix get you something to make you laugh I gotta find something to laugh at man got him that's why I love being around children children keep you laughing children keep you laughing man I love kids it doesn't make you laugh glory to God I love kids you know I love old people because old people tell the truth I mean they tell nothing but the truth you know you walk up on an old person there to you boy you getting fat as a whole yeah all you can do is laugh man you young person tell you that you ready to you know choke them out Oprah tell you that all you doing laughs walk off laughing you gotta find something make you laugh now number seven and I'm out you got to express your emotion privately you got to express your emotion privately see you got a lot nah never ever never ever lock all of that up inside of you that emotion has to come out but you don't express that on the job you do not get on social media you don't get on periscope and and you know you don't get on periscope good just don't do it you don't get on Facebook be with this you don't get on none of these things verbalizing articulating your personal feelings these people are not your friends on Facebook they're really not your friends now on periscope it's a little different different there's a different connection that you develop with people but even on periscope you just it's not the plan you do this privately and you do this though I say privately it is not by yourself because the Bible says God says I am nine to those of a broken heart who have a broken heart when your heart is breaking your father draws closer when your heart is breaking your father draws closer so when you go into the privacy of your home and you pour out your emotions relative to your disappointment relative to this situation your father the only one who can really heal your heart he's the only heart healer known to man he hears and he heals so though you're expressing it privately you have the greatest audience in the universe you have the ears of the Father but never let a breakdown or break up break you down always be determined that when you have when you experience a break up that you're going to next experience a breakthrough seek professional help to give you some structure getting your prayer closet and layer that's exactly right if you're struggling like that go and find your counselor or therapist but don't don't don't have all of those public don't be going to church falling out at the altar and howl in his name or her name don't go nobody's job standing up doing no no no no private private private some things you don't give you don't put in the hands of everybody you bring this before the Lord he's the only one that can heal yard so those just my love thoughts for the day all I wanted to deal with something relation with our Z lady

Channel: RC Blakes, Jr

Views: 66,230

Rating: 4.9244032 out of 5

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Id: gDYEdIiYc-w

Length: 28min 32sec (1712 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 30 2016