Don Rickles Picking on Everyone

mr don rickles [Music] [Applause] it's a wonderful thrill to be here with dean martin on his show dean martin has been a friend of many many years dean i say this from my heart really i've never liked you never [Music] all over your stomach pat bone one of our great stars right as a daytime show it marvelous the way it comes out hi i'm pat boone what do you want a cookie making a fool of yourself you're going nowhere pat i'm afraid the pimples you still think it comes from hershey's huh i kid around about people i got a reputation ricardo montalban a good friend you know this i got a reputation of being like newsweek said the merchant of venom destroys stars you people in the back this is not true i love people really ricardo why do i kid you why because i don't like you [Music] jump in the pool jump in the pool isn't this fun pat you're staying up late and everything yeah later on you put on your pajamas and run around the room play a dump truck is this fun dayna he's lachlan and the jewish guy took your wallet hi please folk danny thomas great great star really is and i kid about danny many many times it's good to see you again danny and all the baloney about the jewish people and the egyptians with war nonsense i love and respect you i say this from my heart in your native tongue which means i never want you around me you understand that danny guys are great you ever see his nose when he breathes the lip gets sucked right up you're not lebanese you're a hawk i say uh inspector the little fakakta little earphone that you got all the time right talking into a show you're going to love it at the home ross martin's sitting there going i'm a cowboy i'm a cowboy i kid you ross i i want you to know something you just got married didn't you is that the wife oh we you take a look with ross martin married will you please looks like a real mercy mission look at this now i got him looking at her how do you like this she's going home right i married a dog throw a stick on the floor see if she brings it back ricardo would you clear for a second ricardo would you come here try try it's called walking walking you're a fine actor really if you would ricardo i kid this is a wonderful friend a lot of talk in hollywood we don't need that listen i'd like you to do me a favor would you yeah okay ricardo for me i uh for dean see because you do a lot of big movies and this would help me see uh i do some acting and i i'd like to show you see that i am geronimo see you be the indian slave dean would you do me a favor come here second run run run [Music] step back you didn't say may i now okay come back up like a dummy he did it charlie you and i come here charlie run run run hurry up charlie i'm getting fed up you and i are the two indian slaves we're over here now when i when i point you just say chief before it's on fire you say say what the the fort's on fire you make a mistake he gets it now i'm telling you is this fun ricardo a lot of better than hanging around mexico by the border now listen ricardo you come running in from there i send a message what does it say you lean over charlie now this is ricardo you just send the message dean you come up you say the fort's on fight you send the message that i give to you okay good huh when i tell you dummy you're getting on my nerves just look at your legs and figure out how come the veins are going the wrong way okay you and i are indians okay what's your first name wrong now oh bill okay rise belt rise rocks nuts now face the crowd what am i bit for this dummy i'll do don't do swanny just do what i tell you huh right away he's got to go with the swanny stand on the box i'm not going to say it again i'm warning you okay are you standing still store the american indeed you and i are indians okay don't make up your own steps just do what i do huh right away the fat kid's making up his own steps and by the way so far the music's great come on hurry up go crazy when you feel it run out in the audience and attack anybody but i'm making it up dummy get over here okay that's one for the fat guy fat guy leading the jewish kid won nothing going into the last hit [Music] 40 million people i got to pick on the one guy to tomorrow you really know loretta young huh okay i dance alone make up your own steps now huh smart shoes tom mccann have a sale now you know what then you come in what get it you're on my foot what the cannot go an indian an indian talking wait i see the buffalo do come over here hurry up run leave your milk there get over here you're blocking me stand over here you're saying indian over you saying india you answer what comes over the valley about [Music] again i'll tell you that [Applause] what did you prove by that little smart outburst it's not to get to me now relax relax you'll make it up you see why you're not a big star you've done [Laughter] our legs are locked now okay [Music] i got a nibble now [Music] tonight tonight today [Music] [Applause] get off the stage you made a fool of yourself give charlie a big hand everybody to all of you my friends really i kid around about life but no matter what your beliefs are we all pray for one thing as lyndon baines johnson our great president only said last night what's happening [Music] ernie paul died laughing big academy award winner remember you and marty he was so brilliant and marty and today it's over like that go figure this business baby rosemarie so many years i've known you remember the old days you mary small they're all in there and now your career is slowly sinking into the car look at this bob newhart just said to the wife he's not going to mention me bob luhan went into shock his name wouldn't be mentioned one of the great stammering idiots of our day bob duval about johnny carson's warm-up mcdonald carey remember paramount huh you really know betty happy now he's on in the afternoon i use his show for a nightlight he's the only doctor that can't spell pussycat [Music] you stink as a singer ah gee you have a lot of nights in your career dom de luis now sucking the ice trying to go for another drink dog you're great have you ever heard of cottage cheese you got to give it a shot can you see him in a health club with that body looks like a hard-boiled egg that didn't break on the dish you got a bad body i'm a friend dom you're never going to make friends on the beach going oh looks like a three dollar whale what play anyway gang you'll go back to your old job with the organ and the monkey joey heatherton are great stars here where are you joey where are you joey of course i recognized you immediately [Music] now she's a great star hi joey isn't this fun [Music] i love that they're all monks now then when you're home sitting here like they're all mormons going to utah and a wagon broke is that in any way gang i think we're left with hello guy marks marvelous tonight or any night that you appear bob reed where are you barbara there's barbara i work with barbara and i dream of genie [Applause] [Music] and her husband michael and sarah's not here tonight unfortunately he's with geronimo in a stronghold how do i know i don't know but katarina valente is here i was going to introduce her but the note she hits my dog runs away where are you katarina oh nice to see you again dear very pretty met you in vegas remember that night [Applause] [Music] my humor folks is directed in a way to laugh at ourselves that goes for you folks in the back what i said about these stars isn't fun and you have to explain that because otherwise i wind up in a home with no milk or cookies i stand near my friends and i look who came in an unknown [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right what are your seals you think somebody came in why is he here is the war over [Applause] good to see you bob isn't he great when there's no cards [Music] it's over it's over you and danny and jack benny are going to sit at the actors home going there goes george burns there goes your friends show business i speak of all faiths creeds and colors and why not because when our time is up we will be on one team so why do we need bigotry and nonsense let's enjoy while he gives us time will rogers once said i never picked on a little guy only big people may i say to you fellow performers and you folks way in the back you are pretty big and i thank you for making me feel important [Applause]

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Views: 283,792

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Id: rsdReya-QHU

Length: 13min 50sec (830 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 17 2022