Rodney Dangerfield Has Johnny Busting Up | Carson Tonight Show

here he is Friends he got his suit back just just this time and uh no matter what happens in his life he gets absolutely no respect would you welcome Rodney Dangerfield [Music] [Music] what a crowd what a crowd [Applause] and you know me I love crowds I mean when I was a kid my house was always crowded always people around you know I come for big old fish and hard-working stupid family that's where that comes from what a dumb family I got a you kidding I looked up my family tree I found out I'm gonna set my old man he was dumb too my old man he worked in a bank they caught him stealing pens you're kidding me what a family don't want to use my family make a sequel of the roots don't want to call it fertilizer I'll tell you there's always something you know my doctor told my wife and I we should enjoy sex every night now we'll never see each other I mean my wife I go for her to trouble this you don't go for me and my wife makes love to me there's always a reason for it yeah one night she used me to time an egg [Applause] and my wife she gets me broke too it cost me two thousand dollars for her nose job I'm sorry I punched her no I'll tell you nothing goes right you know well yesterday was a beauty I asked a cab driver where can I get some action he took me to my house [Music] there's a lot of things going on around my house well you got a night in front of my house I saw a guy jogging naked I said to him how come he said cause you came home early I mean I tell you my house I could never relax I got a kid home he's getting worse I got a real mean kid you know but he's Scotch tapes worms to the sidewalk then watches the birds get hernias my neighborhood that's getting worse too I live in a tough neighborhood you know my neighborhood you see guys bowling overhand what our neighborhood well last week they put some new sidewalker in front of my building I remember when I was a kid I put my hand print in a wet cement I'm gonna do it again I'll tell you it's a weird feeling but your hand is cement and you feel another hand when I tell you my neighbor don't get no respect either no respect at all you couldn't there's no respect from anybody that's the way it works out I bought some rat poison a girl asked me should I wrap it up you're gonna eat it here I mean the girls always gave me a hard time I'm not a ladies man that's why you can I know I'm ugly I stuck my head out the window got arrested for mooning [Music] my foster child saw my picture now he sends me ten dollars a month I worked in a pet store that people kept asking how big I'd get [Applause] it no I went through a lot of things now I was a kid I wore my father's hand-me-downs it was rough I'd unzip my fly to blow my nose yeah can I went through plenty with the first to my hitchhike that got beat up I used the wrong finger [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] what do you mean you don't get any respect now what do you call that the only place over here the only place right here I get some respect they're very nice here and how you been okay I'm fine how are you I was going to ask you that oh yeah you're looking good oh yeah thank you very much I'm getting busy you know running around doing things whereabouts oh yeah well I'm uh flying tomorrow I'll be uh I'll be in Detroit Friday night oh great yeah Detroit that's a great place I'll pick up some plugs and points while I'm there too I think another news Saturday night I'll be in Dangerfield the whole month of June you got to keep busy all the time keep working you know not relax too you know yeah if you're not a relaxing I went to a wild party did you tell us about it yeah well I played a new version of Russian Roulette yeah we passed around six girls and one of them had VD oh I was in England English people are weird you know I told the cab driver I'd like to see the queen he told me later on he'll meet me for a drink weird people I'm drinking that's my big problem oh yeah the other night in Vegas I Got Loaded Johnny I shot dice I lost a thousand bucks I got even though I stole 400 sweet and lows you know now I'm a bad drink a bad Drinker Johnny I mean when I drink I don't know what I'm doing and the next day and I end up usually wake up in some strange place with a kid with an accent playing with my feet what happened to you too yeah [Applause] a couple of pesos you know that's what's important to help oh yeah you could not steal heavy I can't lose any weight I got a big appetite big appetite are you kidding like to eat well when I eat at McDonald's I stand outside and watch the sign change foreign [Laughter] I had to go so bad I applied for a job [Applause] you know you get older you start using an accident that's true and I'm getting old kid in my backyard I got a kidney shaped pool with a stone in it I mean oh foreign [Laughter] [Applause] with me eating has replaced sex completely in fact I had a mirror put in over my kitchen table [Applause] oh the other night I was embarrassed while I was eating my kid walking I grabbed my neck and I covered my main dish now I'll tell you what me Johnny my kind of got like certain times I like sex you know like after a cigarette [Laughter] and my wife is different after we have sex she never wants a cigarette she says one drug is enough you know uh my wife you can't do nothing right I always have trouble with my wife you couldn't can't do nothing right I mean I took it to the ballet she forgot the sandwiches I got all kinds of problems Johnny my daughter got pregnant from eating chicken there was Finger Licking Good and one thing led to another Way kids carry on today it's awful awful Johnny told me last week and his office got six case of VD I mean he's all right now oh he's a strange dog you know no matter where it hurts you he wants to kiss it make it better after he checked me for a hernia I had to change my phone number yeah weird doctor all right weird I'll tell you Johnny life isn't easy not easy got up this morning picked up my shirt a button fell off think my briefcase the handle fell off I'm afraid to go to the bathroom what do you want to do now just wait till you're done all right that's funny stuff thank you very much you have lost a little weight seriously haven't you uh yes I have lost some weight uh usually that happens before you're going to pass away people always say he looks so good he was thin he went like that how do you like that sorry sorry I brought it up yeah [Applause] okay let me do a commercial we'll be right back here [Applause]

Channel: Johnny Carson

Views: 2,676,786

Keywords: episode, best, funny, youtube, funny videos, comedy, laugh, funniest, stand up, comedian, hilarious, stand up comedy, johnny carson, tonight show, humor, sketch, johnny carson bloopers, johnny carson show, johnny carson animals, johnny carson monologue, johnny, carson, tonight, show, funny video, best of johnny carson, funniest moments johnny carson, rodney dangerfield

Id: MjHsay6P_J4

Length: 9min 35sec (575 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 23 2023