JOHN WAYNE & DON RICKLES, Unedited (1974)

on one of the shows we had the great john wayne with a mask he wore that because he formerly was a kidnapper what do i know with the mask but he was a big star you know i know he kept telling me he kept telling me john i'm a big star who cares ah the duke was something else but i had to kiss up so he'd be on the show for no money thank you watch him [Music] here we go standby please stand by an ounce stand by applause in five four ladies and gentlemen the star of our show don rico [Applause] thank you so much thank you so much is it over oh usually they climb out of the seats and want to touch me uh ladies and gentlemen it is a delight to have you all here tonight i mean that sincerely and it is a delight uh for you folks at home uh looking in and uh i trust you're looking in if you're not well go to sears and turn on the set uh but uh i sincerely hope you're watching and i want to thank all of you because and the many friends that have been so kind to join me on the show tonight it's really exciting for me uh i'd like to tell you something about my first guest i in fact i i have to he's uh he's a real big star i mean this guy isn't big he's like forget about it powerful he's dynamite and he's only on the show tonight by a special arrangement with yours truly we made an agreement the agreement is i got to talk low because he's back there now the agreement is that he wants to tell jokes and this guy is no comedian believe me i said okay that's no problem i said we'll work it out i'll write some big jokes for you put it on cue cards and you can read them now you figure that's it right now i hear him backstage he grabs me says go see a man he says i don't mind he said you know the jokes but don't mention my name okay now i figure that's the end of the story oh no no leo trust me when i tell you this this man now says i don't want it that way and i look around and he's wearing a mask the guy thinks he's the lone ranger i don't know what he's doing he's wearing a mask and i look at him and i said what's with the mask i said in case they don't laugh at the jokes this way i'm covered and they won't know who i am [Music] so do me a favor laugh at him it's a personal favor to me you're gonna hear such jokes but he's a big star and it means a lot to me i'll give you a hint all right move them out and he's a grown man now and he's still doing that in disneyland without a ride under him now i'd like you to meet him so as a favor to me let's make a big fuss okay he's back there all right he's nervous make a big thing ladies and gentlemen without any further ado one of the finest comedy minds of our time mr dynamite mr humor let's hear it for [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] him [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well that's it for us ah you hear the applause come on now they all know who you are take off the mask huh well okay it's john wayne [Applause] can i call you duke please do okay i will listen now tell you i never worked with a puppet listen duke i can't believe it's you how's the family how's everything where's my jokes get to the jokes just relax i came here to tell jokes where are my jokes okay i thought we'd chat a little bit before okay i'll tell you what you want to do the jokes the jokes are right there on the card by the way can you see the cards of course i can see the card okay then hit it go with the jokes duke roll well the funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio a bum came up to me and said mister can you help me i haven't had a bite all day so i bit him but he's not too much applause this is an old building this afternoon i called my doctor i said doc how can i avoid falling hair he said jump out of the way [Applause] i said he won an academy award well anyway i said to the duck i got a sore foot doc and he says don't worry i'll have you walking in an hour you ruined he did he stole my car don't say that again repeat that joke they didn't really get it because you were hot and they didn't get it go ahead turn the cards back dude there's the cards is your dog here [Laughter] get him a cane and a good he said don't worry i'll have you walking in an hour he did he stole my car man knocked on my door last night said he had a telegram for me i said i'd never received a singing telegram and i told him to sing it he said well i don't think i should he said and i said sing it and he said well if you insist your sister rose is dead i bet you thought i was going to be lousy i bet you thought it was going to be lousy whatever you say dude give me a break in bed smiling then he knows the lighted cigar in the ashtray and he yells where'd the cigar come from voice from under the bed said havana [Applause] you're rolling two kids they are crazy i told my young boy all about the birds and the bees last week he got stung by a hornet poor kitty thinks he's pregnant no wait i got to be honest we can't handle anymore you're such a riot listen do me a favor huh put a bell on your nose and get the rodeo there's another card ready okay dude but gee you're not right for the joke still poor anything you say no i don't want to upset you because i don't know what i'm gonna go ahead and read it okay but i don't want to find a piranha in my shorts uh listen uh duke uh okay i'll read it now if john wayne's hold it a little higher john wayne's new picture brannigan which will soon be showing all over the country hey what is this this is no joke you bet your life is no joke it's bread and butter to me let's hear it check the bouncer ah god bless the old-timer oh when you get backstage [Music] you

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Id: a-AlVDghSio

Length: 9min 30sec (570 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 01 2021