Don Rickles Most Offensive Jokes

[Music] and now ladies and gentlemen here is don nichols [Music] [Applause] [Music] see in court very pretty my niece to be young again just to run around her nice to see the black lady in the front how anyway yeah there's four mexicans in the back fighting to get in and we got one black lady sitting in front going i'm gonna frock you are a black lady because if you wait you fell into a bucket eminem it's not telling that right now there's another black guy that votes with white chicks well that's great all right that's that's nice it's nice what's your first name brother what's your first name cannon sure anyway you mean a black guy yet named keenan it's usually willy or muhammad i'll tell you i'm only kidding can i see you in a 7-eleven store anyway uh there's five of us up against the counter is he laughing take a look if you see teeth coming towards me go for the elephant gun anyway uh now i make fun of the black i said why not because i'm that one that's what it is i could have been a black guy who the hell wants to go in the olympics i'll tell you this jews don't go in the olympics we own the stadium that's the whole thing this woman's great she closes her eyes when she laughs to be sure she's laughing anyway this is your wife i'll tell you this though what was it a cab no i'm kidding she's a pretty lady oh oh that's attacked you put in a butcher store and put her on a hook i'll tell you this look at this this guy's looking with the nose like an eagle anyway the chinese chinese no to maybe i'm not you it's a real jew with the nose if you're not a jew you're you're a parakeet down in a cage look at it as you're breathing my socks are coming up i'll tell you are you you're not chinese no that lady there no she needs her eyes fixed i'll tell you this though sit right in front of the little we're all each other i should make fun of the chinese because the jews need them on sunday so we have a place to eat i tell you this though it's it's that's right the black girl is spitting up on me anyway uh look at this i'm starting to tap dance i'll tell you though what's your first name sabrina yeah you're black i'll tell you this though they name themselves after maids i'll tell you this though it's gonna oh for the money you're paying that's damn funny i'll tell you that right now there's no voting here with this crowd it's the whole thing though to enjoy p where are you from sir beverly hills ah rich jew anyway i'm sorry about the seating the black girl get up and give the jew that scene anyway you know why i'm laughing because i'm fed up with this crowd but i'll tell you this stuff i want to wish you all a little gas about five o'clock in the morning roll over try to make love to the wife and miss anyway yeah look what i'm saying make love to the wife this couple this guy must get up in the morning i'm up i'll tell you this how are you gonna make money we have glasses you're the type of public wears a robe and circles the bed and gets the rest of it gotta make love like the black people do right oh whip you're right and the jews go you start shirley i'm gonna get a paper hey that's exciting louisville kentucky right dad what's your last name ellis i have that in the navy it starts out as a and it red a cone of ellis is this the wife [Music] would you have a dinner fish [Applause] there's a new thing called dress up thank you i mean we worry about the homeless but you're a jew derelict i've always liked you better than the other guy thank you [Applause] i bet enough anyway well god bless you black away we're working for the same cause to find your work anyway you're doing so great we'll be god bless you dressed as a jew and safari anyway uh i've never met any anyway [Applause] hallelujah get the black chick to back it up the second coming god bless you wonderful kids do you do some kids you are kids compared to i was so flattered when when when robin williams manager called me and said yeah yeah managers are spitting up all over the place it won't be god bless as you told me tonight outside someday it's gonna be your whole show you're gonna you're gonna be the hostess and you don't need the white jew and the other paintings on the end [Applause] [Music] remember you tell you guys you want to play sure want to play soccer jelly tell you guys from the neighborhood see look at this you're italian that's gooba multi-millionaire no but i want to tell you something before you go i want to say something i liked you she did that she's lonely but take care of yourself you too take care and i'm glad the hair thing did well you want to know something i can't believe that you're peter pan now i'll tell you this [Applause] hey what a treat this was my dream to help the homeless [Applause] [Applause] [Music] oh boo your ass i didn't ask you in here he's free for crying out loud abraham lincoln was a jew he said free the gunmother freedom mother i make fun i make fun of the blacks i make fun of the jews well not really i'll tell you this i make fun of people paul rodriguez a great mexican kid i swear to god my wife and i were in mexico city for two weeks never saw the city she kept saying i think it's a salad i said no it's a goddamn tomatoes it's a tomatoes [Applause] you know there was it was the waiter you want a burrito how about an enchilada you want an enchilada and then the guy tossed the salad for crying out loud look at the black brother laughing you son of a gun the one with the blow gun anyway uh i make fun of the black people without you we'd have no olympics that's right they're great runners you put a gun on their ass they can beat a bullet i'll tell you this though laugh and enjoy people that's the main thing i swear to god is that your wife sir jesus girl i'll tell you this that's the no i'm kidding she's a pretty lady what was it a train i'll tell you this it's fantastic i laugh about people look at the people in the balcony sitting there spitting down on the other people man or homeless that's the whole damn thing come on i laughed at you for christ's sake look at this guy here what is your heritage my friend what is your heritage hawaiian son of i don't have a joke for that anyway uh here's your aloha aloha this they'll be proud of your island they just sit around going i have 40 kids i'm just in heat all the time but i laugh and i joke you felt like my wife good lamps nothing to be ashamed of i'm married to a woman like that 27 years takes over the brazil at night and a head hits the sink 27 years haven't seen a face just walks around a house like this all the time finally i had to paint eyes on her ass then i painted a smile on it i've been kissing it ever since [Applause] but you're wonderful people i let how much you weigh big fella 200 on the left side of your ass you weigh 200. this is the type of guy that goes to the toilet in the toilet get off me probably sitting there and play with the roller chinese japanese filipino my ass you're a i'll tell you this three years in the jungle looking for your uncle i'll tell you this [Applause] no i kid you we're all brothers [Applause] god bless you my friend what is your first name joe joe my ass joe during world war ii they were all joe you're a jew you got to be with that knows if you're not you're an eagle i'll tell you this look at the nose on this side as you're breathing my socks are coming up i'll tell you this though enjoy laugh at people why do i laugh at whoopi and and robin and billy why because they get on my goddamn nerves i swear to god and billy especially you know i i don't know robin that well i know billy he keeps walking around saying how do i look do i look good you give him a cookie and he goes away he's a real pain in the ass i'll tell you that anyway look at the black brother laughing is there something meanwhile your partner's up my room taking my jewelry i'll tell you this buddhists now i'll tell you this and this guy took car he turned to me and said load off stuff on the truck where are you from sir wichita falls wonderful my luck 25 years in the business i don't have a joke for a jerk from wichita falls no it's a wonderful town saturday night in wichita falls look at that harvey a bus [Music] good evening you see a jewish guy with malaria the japanese guy went on many times [Music] my whole life my friends has been dedicated to yuma about ethnic backgrounds and a wonderful man jack benny said to me once in the slate brothers in california he's gonna get killed this guy is gonna get killed and i love jack benny and i said jack benny i love you he said you're gonna get killed because we have to laugh at people and that's how i built the reputation laughing at the blacks the jewish people the irish the italians the negros the puerto ricans the mexicans all nationalities god put us on this earth to laugh right god one of the greatest indians of our time a great apache geronimo who said when he leaped on his palomino he turned to his aid and said he didn't put the blanket on [Music]

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Views: 937,976

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Id: ZMZz2mlYZJQ

Length: 13min 17sec (797 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 16 2022