DON RICKLES GIVES IT TO LENO

the only unattractive person on the show is my next guest you know him he's been a regular on The Tonight Show for many many many many years he'll be performing at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas September 5th through the 12th and it's Caesars in Atlantic City September 14th through the 17th please welcome the one the only the legendary Don Rickles ladies mr. chairman let me tell my god sweetie have you out I've been waiting an hour and a half backstage looking through it you're funny carpets you looked a little nervous done were you nervous you know I was wonderful watching you crash into a fence what funny stuff frilly thank you an hour here for watching a blind eye how'd it go in traffic or some damn thing it I came out here hey yo you invite guests and you stand out here for an hour and a half and your cockamamie trick-or-treat littlez of stories and gimmicks and it's not going over forget about it for finally normally not normally normally normally when we have a big star we bring them right out yeah well sometimes you have to fill I don't see the humor in that later one in the back in the back row with J got a smart she she crowd here we're gonna roll in her underwear well Don have you been night we had ruddy a business how ele and I don't want to wait that long next time I wanna you want to come out right away that's right I don't need I watch you work out with your little trick-or-treat stuff don't make it mine out loud bring out a guest have a little class I gotta go Kyra Sedgwick decides week whatever she's backstage now doing push-ups trying to keep her mind occupied anyway good losin him again I'm okay when her name is Kevin Bacon's and Kevin Bacon's wife that's right yeah well you're Jewish that's Kevin Bacon what does that kind of do it well I think a name sauce I figured it's bacon and that's a separate what is this a nazi movie with Jewish got a food having tonight he's black did I make a big thing out of it okay that means I gotta go work the border oh boy I mean watch Jewish got to deal with the whole damn thing I don't want that remorse a bit you know I know I know how you are about ethnic UHF is I know it's a very nice chat aware you are you what how do you think going on yeah ice cream yeah you're wonderful audience you really are snap out of it huh let me ask you about now you know bob newhart your friend with here and you read about young heart yes not here he's gonna stay Unitarian well you want on that cruise yeah hey you don't seem like a cruise guy to me I wanna stick around downtown Holly goodness what do you say lady ah I like to get the girls in the park on a swing the band got in heat no I we had a wonderful cruise we went to uh Vietnam I think I told you about they went to China takes a cruise to Vietnam oh no our life is gonna be this sitting here all day long my next guest you don't do anything for crying out loud you set the house with your wife Mavis karma let's guess this is your home more on your home forget about it we go on trip going to those guys and you are Newhart and I went to China great we did the laundry and I just I did the ironing but it was great have you ever been to China miss you've been out of your house I don't think most people have been to China oh well it's a great experience you sit around have a lot of tea and watch the guys going around going front of my eyes look and there's no going now for the money you people are playing I'm a riot the Russian like just one of those carnival things with the Cathy legal we don't go Kathy Leino God listen no she's out of the ballpark singing to anybody to listen yo that's a joke see and Regis get up in the morning I don't get up that early you know that's like the memorial services when you get up that all right you know but uh no she wasn't on the ship we had it we had it we had a wonderful time we we had a little booze and we sat around we took crack at the wife once in a while you know well you have to do that especially when the ship's on an angle you know now I'm every four years I just stand outside on the deck and go are you ready put on a helmet and already real that's right you kids don't know about that you're too busy putting on those little hats I'll tell you that why don't you relax remote when we come back oh you know what I asked you about when come back about when you panicked Newhart was on here I don't know he said you panicked you were stricken with fear I was there but we'll tell he on it's about it when we get back see this is a teaser to get them to stay is that what it is yes because really you're dull quarterback Carter Lagaan wrinkles.now down you're a big sports fan your friend to tell me everything right yeah Tommy Lasorda yeah who's not on the diet anymore and you starting to swell up in the dugout yeah just sitting there and he goes and he leans over and picks up a ball and goes hey hey my kin is locked what are you a seal sign the front so you can actually ask a question you want to ask me which question was on that wall the one on the top the woman says they're dumping you for a new guy no no you don't what you do let's do this let's talk about what would I mention what I be in the last segment about when uh your friend Bob Newhart we're at we're at new hats out new Hart's house at a party that's when you were frozen with feel made that up I wasn't frozen hard said it not me your was no hot no do you see him here tonight he's gonna stay silent just saying where's my telephone where's my telephone calling a party at Newhart's house there was a lot of fire burning the fireplace yeah log rolled down out of the shed on panic which I didn't I picked it up put back the fire usually you stepped on your wife going out - no well of course Frank while she was laying yeah in fact she thought she was a rug what do I but that was the night Frank Sinatra was there when you're not Julia when you're in the company of Sinatra if there's a rolling log on your rug you pick it up and you put it back in the fireplace otherwise he takes your name and beats up your aunt she's an intimidating guy no kidding cuz he said to me he said think of being a detective look look at how you face out of me what do you drink and I said I don't drink what drink I tell Scott de Soto's gotcha no matter Scott just sort of my life is gonna tell me making fun of him oh really really yeah and we're gonna see you on the highway going I got to in the stomach oh but Frank Frank's a great guy you gotta be able his ready we had a dinner party the other night you slapped my wife yeah just to relax just to relax just to kick back yeah you know it's one of those kind of guys you know Sinatra's big but you're big and that's that's not the main that's not the main thrust yeah but you were talking about the Dodgers right Dodgers are they're gonna have a great season this year yeah uh Mike Mike Piazza you know he's sitting over on the show hey nice kid yeah yeah he is he's awfully nice he sits home at night he just sits there goes me strong and you give him a bucket a pizza and he goes away ah a bucket of Pete's a bucket of pizza right what is this a test no no but your buddy every word I say you're gonna you're gonna check it out what is it yes I am when you hear a bell go to history using the way the Stars account your Dodgers the Dodgers have agree I have yet been down the locker room yes a haxon experience I went to each locker and I said how are you are you done Tommy I'm gonna play second base with a place I can pay you funky gonna play second base then you go to the third baseman you say how I think I'm gonna be with Bobby take a bait very bait the grenade and you stand around and I swear to god you just blow the whistle and they all get a shovel and start to work but hey you don't hear Lou Lipschitz shortstop you don't hear that you don't hear Vinny bum bonanni on third base it's usually mean well but later casinos I mean that's what the Mexican guys do too good at grounders captured this crowd yeah I'm not a big sports but God no not only Mexican audience tonight well yeah don't pick on the Mexicans they do a great job with my lawn I got a terrific green lawn and you're not gonna start one more time you back and you're gonna be smiling in the Chocolate Factory doesn't make sense but they let you don't know what the hell's going on hey what's going on I've lost complete your here's your whole you look like that like a queer lighthouse get the look at yourself on television and then I'll chain the nose and the whole damn turning around what you need is to stick on your cam and you got a puppet show for now now down you're gonna have a birthday soon you're going to be money 80s oh not 80 85 85 and look at how I still got movement there you go anyway you're gonna be at the gym brain and it's Jesus palace in Atlantic Don good to see you again always pleasant to have your charm on the show you

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Views: 2,333,961

Rating: 4.7212877 out of 5

Keywords: mytalkshowheroes

Id: NUAnbLPAJPE

Length: 10min 49sec (649 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 04 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/EddyGurge]

Too bad this kind of humor is so offensive to snowflakes now. Don was amazing.