- No matter what kind of doctor I go to, at my age I end up on my
back with my feet in the air. (audience laughing) and I thought that was
excessive at the optometrist. (all laughing) - I have next to me, Dr. Luis Espina, who is a board-certified
family medicine physician who I actually train with
as my senior in residency. In addition to being a great
physician and engineer, he's also a part-time standup comic. - No. - So today we're gonna actually watch professionals deliver medical jokes. Are you excited? - I am very excited. - You don't look excited?
- I am exci... - Scream.
- Woo! - You must wait in the waiting room, there's no chance of not waiting, that's the name of the room. Then they call you, you get
very excited when they call you 'cause you think now you're
gonna see the doctor, but you're not, now you're going into the next smaller waiting room. But I hate the extra wait, so I start, maybe I'll start screwing around with some of his stuff, you know. Maybe I'll turn that
thing up a little bit, whatever the hell that does. Take all the tongue depressors out, lick them all, put them all back. - Ooh, that joke does
not age well with COVID. - No, that was naughty, naughty there. - When was the last time we
used the tongue depressor? - Today.
- No way? - Yes.
- You use them regularly? - Yes. - Just once I'd like to say
to the doctor, "You know what, I'm not ready for you yet. Why don't you go back
in your little office, I'll be in in a minute, and get your pants off. (all laughing) Then we'll see what's what. - Yeah, that's not gonna go well. - Why does the doctor need
that little office for anyway? You know his books, little
stupid aquarium there. I guess he doesn't want people
to see him looking stuff up, what the hell was that? - That happens all the time. - You got that bro. - But that's all, that's good. - Yeah, and YouTube is a good thing. - How many times do I go to the clinical dermatology book in a day? - Oh my God yeah, absolutely. And the truth of the matter
is what would you rather? I wing it, or I confirm it.
- Exactly. - So they sent me to my
regular doctor for a follow-up and I was nervous going,
cause my cholesterol, I knew it was gonna be high,
'cause last year it was high and I hadn't done anything different. - I love patients that are like "My cholesterol didn't go down?" I'm like, "Well, have
you changed anything?" They're like, "No." - And the funniest is when, you know, the STD results come back
and they act shocked. And then you talk to the Health Department and they've known since 2008 that something's been
there, but they act shocked. - Doctors are good people, that's why they avoid the
word pain, it's a buzzword, they won't hit it a lot, they
don't wanna scare anybody. Doctors will tell you all about pressure. They'll tell you all about the pressure you're gonna experience. - Sticking a burn. - If a doctor tells you're about to feel some pressure, buckle up. (all laughing) - That's how I feel about the dentist. - The dentist always says "You're
gonna feel some pressure." I'm like, "No, I feel
like gum is on fire." . Yeah, no, I tell them it's gonna hurt. Like if I'm gonna give them a
tetanus injection for example, I tell them straight out
"This one's gonna hurt." I'll oversell it and under-deliver. - Hey, I feel sorry for the
doctors because they have to give us our diagnosis in fruit. - In fruit? - You go to the doctor and
they say, "You have a tumor." "Oh, okay, how big is it doc?" (audience laughing) - You do that? - Oh, hell yes. - Grapefruit? - Well, you're in deep trouble when we're in grapefruit land. - They the doctor get sick of
looking at your stupid face, he goes "You have a grapefruit." "Oh!" (all laughing) - See, I knew it, I knew it, I called it. - I went to the doctor, he said, "You're going through the change of life." Change of life. Girls, remember when you
went through puberty, they told you you were becoming a woman. You go through the change of life, they don't tell you what you're becoming. (audience laughing) I'm becoming my father. - Oh my God. - Tumors are often
compared to fruit, a pear, a lemon, a grapefruit. Interesting fact, worse tumor, grapefruit, worst fruit, grapefruit. It's kind of unfortunate
that there's another fruit that's much smaller named grape. 'Cause you know there's
situations in doctor's offices, "We've found a tumor,
it's the size of a grape." "Thank God."
- Fruit. - "I didn't finish." - (laughs) Why does every
doctor use fruit or food? - 'Cause we're trying to be relatable. - But pathologists use food all the time. - Oh my God! - They use food references more than us. - It was hard to go to lunch when I was on my pathology residence. - Yeah, it was like the pizza stain. I'm like, what is a pizza stain? - The strawberry sign. - I want you to know I don't
automatically wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom, okay? Can you deal with that? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. You know when I wash my hands, when I (beeps) on them. (audience laughing) That's the only time, that's the only. (man screaming) And you know how often
that happens, tops, tops, two, three times a week, tops. If you kill all the germs around you and live a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along,
you're not gonna be prepared. And nevermind ordinary
germs, what are you gonna do when some super virus comes along that turns your vital
organs into liquid (beeps)? I'll tell you what you're gonna do, you're gonna get sick, you're gonna die and you're gonna deserve it
'cause you're (beeps) weak, and you got a (beeps) weak immune system. - How did he know COVID was coming? - He is Nostradamus.
- Yeah. - He knew everything. I am glad he's not here for him. - It would give him a pain. - Oh my, this wouldn't
even be funny to him. - The doctor looks at me, he says, "You're peeing 11 times a day, then you may have something
wrong with your prostate. So what we need to do,"
some of you are ahead of me. I did not know what this
was gonna feel like, and this was the actual sound I made. I went, "Ooh!" - What's the weirdest reaction you had from a patient in doing a prostate exam? - I've heard strange sounds. I had one guy almost break my finger off. - With his sphincter? - No, it was the clenching and the twisting that was problem. - The twisting, okay, I was gonna say, 'cause that's a strong sphincter. - Well, he was a strong man, so I... - Why didn't it just slide out? - Well, he clenched
everything, I mean he clamped. - Here's my cool story. I'm about to do a pap
smear, we're doing the exam, I talk to the patient,
walk them through it. I take my speculum, which
is a see-through speculum, it's not one of the metal ones. I get a little lubricant
on the lower part, not the top side, it doesn't
interfere with my pap smear and just when I'm about
to insert it, I'm like, feel the speculum and its
jagged edge on one side. - I always check that.
- On one side. If I would have inserted, it would have just slit
the skin right open. - Yeah. - I was diagnosed with
bilateral breast cancer, and I ended up getting a
double mastectomy. (whistles) And before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat chested. And I made so many jokes over the years about how small my chest
was that I started to think that maybe my boobs overheard me. (audience laughing) And were just like, "You know what, we're sick of this, let's kill her." - This is called owning
your own experience. - Yeah. - Something terrible happens to you, and you found your unique
way of coping with it and it's a positive
outlet and I'm jealous, 'cause I wanna be better at that. On that bright note, check
out this Grey's Anatomy review I did with Dr. Espina, and
what's your favorite video? You could point to the other side. - No dancing videos. - No dan, oh, the last TikTok video has him dancing in it, click that. As always, stay happy, act healthy. (upbeat music)
Amazing video Dr mike and have a very nice day!!
I was watching that, so love it funny video vibes comedy
I’m so laugh this watching video forget my feeling mood brf when I saw this collabs of daddy doc mike . I love it watching thank doc kisses for u muahhh. Love you always. Stay safe and ur clng uncle
It was so funny 😆