- I would roast you but my mom said I'm not supposed to burn trash. Oh, that's a good one. All right, the time has
come for you to roast me. So type your most creative, dare I say meanest roasts
right here in this box and I'm gonna pick a winner
to get a $1000 donated to a charity of their choice. I hope people keep it PG though, just for the sake of
demonetization at least, and my feelings. Your nose looks like the
beak of a bald eagle. (laughter) My phone battery lasts longer
than your relationships. What, my previous, previous relationship was like two years. You honestly look like the human version of lactose intolerance. (laughter) Your feelings of inadequacy
stem from the fact that you are Russian and
your dad never loved you and you'll never, that's it, they ran out
of characters, thank god. You were anymore inbred,
you'd be a sandwich. (laughs) Dr. Mike's picture profile
makes it seems like he just killed a human. (snicker) Your eyebrows could make the
bushes outside feel jealous. What, I don't even have bushy eye, like pick something real! Actually, I'm a little
self-conscious that my eyebrows aren't thick enough. Why are you laughing Dan? Oh, I like this one. Your shirts are so tight that they could give
you chest compressions. (laughs) Mike seems like the
type of guy to tell you he does crossfit. No, I'm not a fan. Not that I don't recommend you do it, I just don't like doing
simultaneously different exercises, especially ones that
you need good form for. Oh, I'm taking a poll on
what's gonna go first, your 15 minutes of IG fame or that hairline. (laughs) You look like you were
very insecure as a kid. That's not a burn but it's
quite accurate. (chuckle) Let me get something straight, but it can't be your nose. (chuckle) Do you even speak Russian bro? (speaks Russian) (horn blowing) Is the ship roasting me? I love what you have done with your hair. How'd you get it to come so
far out of your nostrils? (laughs) You look like the type
of guy to wash his hands after taking a shower. That's a weird one! I like it. You look like the type
of guy to wash his hands after the shower. First of all I'm not that type of guy. But it makes sense. I don't even know why it makes sense. I like it. Dr. Mike's shirt buttons
are so unwilling to pop off we should call them UK. Is that because of like, Brexit? Someone said you're dentist. (laughs) You use boy emojis. I do, that's probably accurate. Your forehead is so big,
it's a five-head now. I'm sorry, you made me
do it, Brooke. (laughs) I got high-five the fore, the five-head. Has a medical degree, forgets
Molly Burke is blind mid-video (laughs) is a high-five. Oh my god, that was the
most embarrassing moments probably on camera and I feel bad, Molly, I'm sorry I did that. I would roast you but my mom said I'm not
supposed to burn trash. Oh, that's a good one. Your videos are just
as bad at entertaining as essential oils are at
curing diseases. (claps) Yes, that's what I was waiting for. It's time to get extra sized shirts, muscles don't attract women
or men anymore, we want deek. D E E K, I don't know what deek means. Dr. Mike the type of guy
to get his condom tailored before using it. (laughs) When Dr. Mike flexes his arms, they look like SpongeBob's arms. Does SpongeBob have diesel arms or no? Aw come on! I like you. People say I have no
taste, but I like you. See that's funny but that's from somewhere. Oh, someone said I suck at Apex! Yeah? Yeah, play me! RealDoctorMike, that's my
username, season three, I got already like 10 wins under my belt. The only who genuinely loves
you for more than your looks or credentials is your dog Roxy. Oh, that's a burn on my exes. The only chest workout Dr. Mike does is when someone is dying, chest compressions. (laughs) What, are you kidding me? It's always chest day on Monday, woo! Were you born on a highway 'cause that's where most accidents happen. I don't think you're factually accurate and I can't believe I'm critiquing this but I think most accidents happen within one mile of your
home and not on highways. Burn on you, ma'am. I'm not saying that I hate you but I would unplug your life
support to charge my phone. (inhales through teeth) Burn. But then you have any more mean reviews. Not gonna lie, you could
sell advertising space on your forehead by the mile. Ooh, ooh, laying down
those highway jokes on me. You look like Danny Devito
if he worked at GNC. Maybe you should slip into
something more comfortable than your scrubs, like a coma? Ooh, this one hurts. You look like the kind of
person who reminded the teacher to assign homework. (laughs) I hated that person. Your so needy for needy for attention and validation, like we get it, you have a small stethoscope. Might be time to stop buying
shirts in children's sizes. No! Children sizes. You only hate medical dramas for romance because you're lonely. See if you spelled you're right, I would say you were one of the top ones, but no grammar, no love. I get lonely. Where are your eyebrows at the beginning? Look like a decapitated caterpillar, oh! Why did my wife leave me? (chuckles) Someone just randomly asked me that. You look like you wear socks
with sweaty pizza on it. What the? But like, where did you
get a bicycle seat-looking jawline, like who? You look like you sold
out the salon of pomade. I don't use pomade bro. Do you see any shine? I need this pillow, to
comfort me while I read these. They say you can't be smart and handsome, turns out they were right. You told us that exercise
will add years to our life. You're right, I feel older already. You're not roasting me! You gotta roast me, not the exercise. Mishka's, that's my name in Russian, Mishka's septum is so crooked, it could be a politician
in Chicago. (laughs) That's a double burn, burning me and the politicians in Chicago. If your family were Star Wars figures, you'd be the special edition. (chuckles) That's just mean. Your hairline is so deep, people can see what
you're thinking, #Dr.Mike. What, look at that hairline. You look look like you
up your modeling career and decide to play
doctor instead. (laughs) I love your videos and you but you are a walking flu shot. I'm a young Canadian, I can't be mean. Your face looks like a pentagon if a pentagon had a smile on it. You're just a doctor for
the prostate exams. (laughs) Can you imagine? I wonder who's smarter, a guy who always says chest compressions or a blender? Dr. Mike, I've never smoked. Dr. Mike's laugh, smoked for 164 years and vaped the last three. Don't make fun of my wheeze. (wheezes) You talk like a grown toddler. For real? Dr. Mike can't compete with James Charles when it comes to pole dancing. This is quite true. Dr. Mike, you are like a
piece of salmon sashimi. Beautiful, oily, and smelly
if left out in the sun. What? You have the personality
of a regurgitated cookies and cream milkshake. Dude, I think that would
still be delicious though, like a little gross, but still at its heart and
soul you know it's good. You have the personality
of a dried asparagus. Why does your hair look like
an old ass toothbrush. (laughs) I don't why I find that so funny? I know you're a doctor, but chest compressions
won't save that hairline. Oh that's so bad. Aw they're coming in. Dude you look like you
smell like beef tips. What's a beef tip? I'm gonna do a poll. I had like eight favorites so far. But narrowing it down to five was hard. And there's only 65 characters in here, so I have to shorten them. All right, so it's 8:37 p.m. and I'm gonna have everyone
vote on it for 23 minutes. (clock ticking) All right you guys have spoken. You've spoken quite loudly. You look like the type of guy to wash his hands after a shower has won by a significant margin, 59%. And it looks like the person
who said that shower joke his name is jerryisgood00712. Let's shoot a message, a DM to Jerry. Oh my god! He's messaged me a whole bunch! Hello there Jerry. I'm gonna pull an angry cat face. I'm gonna guess he responds quickly. I don't know, I just think
he's gonna respond quickly. If he doesn't, this is
gonna ruin the whole joke. (clock ticking) I guess I didn't take
this into consideration, that Jerry might not be by his phone. Where art thou? Come one Jerry, where you at? Oh he's from Luxembourg. That's a fancy country. (clock ticking) So our good friend Jeremiah, his name's not Jeremiah, it's Jerry, but he's in Luxembourg and
I just looked up the time. It's 2 a.m. over there
and I guarantee you, he's not following my advice, probably playing in his
phone before bedtime, wrote the meanest, yet
wittiest comment towards me, now he's not answering my DMs, so I figure we shut down
production for tonight and wait for him to answer tomorrow, and maybe I even FaceTime him. (clock ticking) All right, it's officially a day later, and we've managed to find
Jerry back on the 'Gram. He just wrote, I live in Florida mate. Oh that's dope (chuckle) want some, whoops, want some good news? Come on Jerry, we didn't really think this one through. Can I video chat you, oh wait. How old are you? Wait though, this is
gonna come of real weird, I can't do that. You won the contest for best roast. See if he's even excited for this. I feel like he's answering
me like I'm a creeper. I'm not a creeper Jerry! He goes, I feel like you've been hacked. I'm not hacked. Are you down to be in the YouTube video? It feels like I'm tricking
him, but I'm not tricking him. All I want to ask him on camera is what charity does he want
me to donate the 1000 bucks to. Come on Jerry. He saw it, come on type something. By the way, TeamTrees, what up! I heard Elon Musk is about
to give a milli to the cause. That's exciting. Bear, do you want to be
on TeamTrees? (kiss smack) Okay, Jerry's typing. I'm sorry I'm not down to do that, I just don't feel comfortable. Okay, okay, I can respect that. Either way, you win. What charity would you like
for me to donate the 1K to? Never seen anyone get so spooked by a doctor reaching out to them and asking where they
want to donate money to. (laughing) I mean, like
a stalker or something. Would the American Red Cross by okay? Yeah, considering we
just collabed with them, literally a few days ago. Donate now, $1000. Jerry Thatcher. Yeah, it worked. I don't want to do Thinking of You, that's weird. I'm gonna do Congratulations. Maybe by getting this
email from the Red Cross, he's gonna buy that I gave
a $1000 donation. (hiccup) He goes, oh my god that's so cool. I'm so glad that I got
to chat to you over text. Thanks so much. Thanks Jerry, we appreciate your diss. TeamTrees challenge is
going amazingly well. I'm reping the gear. If you wanna see my TeamTrees video, which is a meme video, click here. Or if you wanna see what a day
in my life is like click here and I'll see you one of these videos, staying happy and healthy (scatting) (mellow music)
One of my favorite videos ever! Any more collabs coming soon?
doctor mike your shirts are so tight it looks like your jawline and your hairline
#DOUBLEBURN