>>> IT'S THE IMPEACHMENT TOWN
HALL! >> GOOD EVENING.
I'M ERIN BURNETT. THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES HAVE
UNITED TOGETHER AND DECIDED TO HANDLE THE IMPEACHMENT THE ONLY
WAY THEY KNOW HOW. WITH A MUDDLED TEN-PERSON TOWN
HALL DEBATE. >> FIRST, PLEASE WELCOME GUY WHO
TRAGICALLY MISREAD OUR ENTHUSIASM FOR HIM,
BETO O'ROURKE. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] >> HEY!
THANKS FOR STILL LIKE HAVING ME AROUND.
THIS IS RAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
NOW, COULD I SAY A FEW WORDS IN EIGHTH GRADE SPANISH?
>> WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT.
>> OH. LO SIENTO IN LA BIBLIOTECA.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NEXT, HE WAS ASKED TO BE
INTRODUCED AS THE ASIAN BAD BOY OF TECH, BUT I'M JUST GOING TO
SAY ANDREW YANG. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU THINK MY CANDIDACY IS GOING WELL?
I'M LITERALLY GIVING FREE MONEY TO PEOPLE AND I'M STILL IN SIXTH
PLACE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NEXT, NEW JERSEY SENATOR CORY BOOKER.
>> I'M BLESSED TO BE HERE. >> AND I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT
WE'RE LIMITING THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU CAN SPEAK BASED ON HOW
WELL YOU'RE DOING IN THE POLLS. SO CORY, YOU GET FIVE WORDS.
>> UM. IMPEACH TRUMP NOW BECAUSE
TROUBLE. >> THANK YOU, CORY.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEAVE NOW TO BEAT TRAFFIC?
>> I WOULD. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NEXT, WE HAVE THE MAYOR OF SOUTH BEND, INDIANA,
PETE BUTTIGIEG. >> HI.
>> IT'S BUTTIGIEG, RIGHT? AM I PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY?
>> SURE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND APPEARING TONIGHT LIVE VIA ASTRAL PROJECTION IS
MARIANNE WILLIAMSON. >> KONNICHIWA, GIRLFRIEND.
HERE'S HOW I WILL IMPEACH DONALD TRUMP.
I WILL TRAP HIS SOUL INSIDE THIS CRYSTAL.
WHICH I SHOULD WARN YOU IS ALSO A YONI EGG.
SO THIS NOVEMBER, VOTE FOR MAGIC.
GOOD MORNING. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND NOW LET'S MEET THE ACTUAL CANDIDATES.
SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HELLO. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED HOT GIRL
SUMMER. BECAUSE NOW IT'S SCHOOL
LIBRARIAN FALL. [ LAUGHTER ]
I HAVE THE ENERGY OF A MOTHER OF FIVE BOYS WHO ALL PLAY A
DIFFERENT SPORT. LET'S DO THIS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> SENATOR FROM VERMONT
BERNIE SANDERS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HELLO, EVERYONE. I'M SO EXCITED TO BE BACK.
AND TO RUIN THINGS A SECOND TIME.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WE ALSO HAVE THE CURRENT
FRONT-RUNNER IN THE POLLS. HE WENT TO THE DENTIST AND SAID
"GIVE ME THE HIGH BEAMS." VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE'S NO NEED TO WORRY
ANYMORE. DADDY'S HERE.
AMERICA, I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU.
I SNIFF YOU AND I HUG YOU FROM BEHIND.
[ LAUGHTER ] NOW, AS I ASK ANYTIME I WALK
INTO A ROOM, WHERE AM I AND WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WE'D ALSO LIKE TO WELCOME
CALIFORNIA SENATOR KAMALA HARRIS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> NOW, ERIN, THAT LITTLE GIRL
YOU JUST INTRODUCED -- THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YES, I KNOW, SENATOR.
>> OKAY. JUST CHECKING.
BECAUSE I'M NOT JUST THAT LITTLE GIRL.
I'M ALSO AMERICA'S COOL AUNT. A FUN AUNT.
I CALL THAT A FUNT. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE KIND OF FUNT THAT WILL GIVE YOU WEED BUT THEN ARREST YOU FOR
HAVING WEED. [ LAUGHTER ]
CAN I WIN THE PRESIDENCY? PROBABLY NOT.
I DON'T KNOW. CAN I SUCCESSFULLY SEDUCE A MUCH
YOUNGER MAN? YOU BETTER FUNTING BELIEVE IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> OKAY.
THANK YOU, SENATOR HARRIS. AND THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR
CANDIDATES. OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FROM
DENISE REYNOLDS. >> MY QUESTION IS FOR SENATOR
HARRIS. YOU SAID YOU'D GO PAST
IMPEACHMENT AND PROSECUTE TRUMP DIRECTLY.
DO YOU STILL STAND BY THAT? >> OH, HELL YEAH.
I'M A SMOOTH-TALKING LADY LAWYER.
I'M RIZZOLI AND I'M ISLES. I'M A WALKING, TALKING TNT SHOW.
DON'T YOU WANT FOUR MORE YEARS OF ME DRESSING DOWN OUR ENEMIES
LIKE THIS? YOU CALL THAT HUMAN RIGHTS,
CHINA? I CALL IT HUMAN WRONGS.
"KAMALA," SUNDAYS ON TNT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND OUR NEXT QUESTION IS FROM CALVIN MILLETT.
>> YEAH, MY QUESTION IS FOR SENATOR SANDERS.
THE DEMOCRATS SAID THEY'RE GOING FORWARD WITH IMPEACHMENT
QUICKLY, BUT DO YOU HAVE THE PATIENCE TO SEE THAT THROUGH?
>> PATIENCE? DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT PATIENCE.
IT TAKES ME 40 MINUTES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN ON THE TV EVERY
SINGLE TIME! IF I ACCIDENTALLY HIT INPUT,
THAT'S A WHOLE DAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
GONE. GONE.
SOMETIMES I SIT ON THE PORCH AND DO LITERALLY NOTHING FOR SIX
HOURS. [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T TALK TO PEOPLE. I DON'T LOOK AT STUFF.
I JUST SIT SO STILL PEOPLE GET SCARED AND CALL 911.
AND NOT FOR THE AMBULANCE. FOR THE CORONER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THANK YOU, SENATOR SANDERS.
NEXT QUESTION. YES?
>> WHAT IF JOE BIDEN GETS IMPLICATED IN THIS UKRAINE
SCANDAL IN SOME WAY? >> OH, NO.
THAT WOULD BE TERRIBLE. NOT JOE BIDEN.
>> VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN, DO YOU HAVE A RESPONSE?
>> DO I HAVE TIME FOR A VERY LONG STORY?
>> YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS. >> I'M GOING TO BLOW RIGHT BY
THAT. THE YEAR IS 1962.
I'M LIFEGUARDING. NO SHIRT.
TAN CHEST. MEDIUM NIPS.
[ LAUGHTER ] OH, AND I SHOULD POINT OUT THAT
IT WAS A SEGREGATED POOL, JUST TO PUT EVERYONE ON THE EDGE FOR
THE REST OF THE STORY. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO I'M LIFEGUARDING AND WHO WALKS IN BUT CORN POP?
>> I'M SORRY, CORN POP? >> SO I SEE CORN POP, AND HE'S
CARRYING A SWITCHBLADE NEXT TO A KID NAMED DRUMSTICK WEARING
BRASS KNUCKLES. AGAIN, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY THE
RACES OF THE KIDS, BUT FROM THE NICKNAMES AND THE TYPES OF
WEAPONS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FILL IN THE BLANKS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> MR. VICE PRESIDENT --
>> OKAY, SORRY, ANYWAY, LONG STORY SHORT -- BARACK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> HEY.
REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE THE ONE WHO
SEEMED OUT OF TOUCH? THIS GUY MAKES ME LOOK LIKE
DRAKE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.
THAT CORN POP IN YOUR STORY WAS ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT LITTLE CORN POP WAS ME.
"CORN POP." TUESDAYS AT 10:00 ON USA.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST GO TO CLOSING STATEMENTS.
BUT JUST FROM THE FOUR CANDIDATES WHO ACTUALLY HAVE A
SHOT AT THIS THING. SENATOR WARREN, WE'LL START WITH
YOU. >> LOOK.
HEY, LOOK. AMERICA, I'M FUN.
I'M LIKE A BRISK WALK. [ LAUGHTER ]
I KNOW ALL THE BIG DONORS ARE TURNING AGAINST ME.
BUT I'M FOCUSED ON THE SMALL DONORS.
$3 FROM ANDREW AT THE CIRCLE K. 53 CENTS FROM A THIRD-GRADER IN
ILLINOIS. $800 FROM AN IMMIGRANT AND
STAY-AT-HOME MOM NAMED MELANIA. >> OKAY.
NOW WE'RE GOING TO VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN.
>> LOOK. I'M LIKE PLASTIC STRAWS.
I'VE BEEN AROUND FOREVER. I'VE ALWAYS WORKED.
BUT NOW YOU'RE MAD AT ME? [ LAUGHTER ]
DRINK UP, AMERICA. IN CLOSING I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY
ONE MORE TIME, BARACK. >> SENATOR SANDERS, CLOSING
STATEMENT? >> AMERICA.
HERE IS MY PROMISE TO YOU. FREE COLLEGE.
FREE HEALTH CARE. FREE REFILLS ON ANY MEDIUM SIZE
SOFT DRINK. LAST TIME MY SLOGAN WAS "FEEL
THE BERN." THIS TIME IT'S "LET'S BERN THIS
PLACE TO THE GROUND!" >> SENATOR HARRIS, YOUR CLOSING
STATEMENT, PLEASE. >> THIS FUNT WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK DIRECTLY TO PRESIDENT TRUMP.
MR. TRUMP, NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW.
"ABOVE THE LAW." THURSDAYS ON NBC.
GONK GONK. >> AND THOSE ARE OUR CHOICES,
AMERICA. GOOD LUCK.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
Biden's line 'I'm like plastic straws. I've been around forever, I've always worked, but now you're mad at me?' is an instant classic
I kind of hope Maya's Kamala comes back a few times this season, because it was perfect.
That was an excellent first appearance by Chloe Fineman
I know Woody was the host tonight but god, I hope Sudeikis ends up coming back as their permanent Biden.
Mirror. Also, that Marianne Williamson impression by Chloe Fineman was spot-on.
Can’t believe anyone being upset about this. It’s a sketch comedy show!!! They’re politicians!
I laughed so hard at their Beto.
We love you booboo, but you really need more time in the oven.
This was great. I really loved the Marianne Williamson bit and I loved Maya playing Kamala.
My favorite lines were “I’m the guy who’s going to ruin it twice” about Bernie
“I have energy of a mom of five boys who all play different sports.” Because that’s the most apt comparison about Liz Warren. She always reminds me of a college kid who’s hopped up on like 8 Red Bull’s during a study session.
Okay I know this isn't meant to be taken too seriously, but while some of the characterizations reflected reality pretty closely (Biden's korn-pop story and bringing up Obama, Beto speaking Spanish, etc), it's interesting how they portrayed Kamala as being one of the candidates "who actually has a shot at this thing" when she's tanked in the polls to the point of not really being a major contender - Yang polled ahead of her in CA in one instance - and even more egregiously, the lazy & inaccurate portrayal of Sanders as the "burn everything to the ground" sedentary old whacko candidate who's here to "ruin things a second time". Meanwhile they gave Warren all the positive qualifiers like having great energy, relying on small-dollar donors, which equally if not more so apply to Bernie. While just in the context of a pretty low-effort skit in general, there was some pretty clear bias and favoritism on display here.