>> YOU'RE WATCHING C-SPAN.
SORRY, I READ THAT WRONG. YOU'RE WATCHING C-SPAN?
WE NOW TUNE INTO CONGRESSIONAL OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE HEARING
WHERE PRESIDENT TRUMP'S PERSONAL LAWYER, MICHAEL COHEN
IS ABOUT TO GIVE SWORN TESTIMONY.
[ GAVEL ] >> ALL RISE.
ALL RISE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
I WOULD LIKE TO GET THIS HEARING UNDER WAY.
I WANT THIS TO STAY PROFESSIONAL.
OKAY? IF YOU HEAR SOMETHING
OUTRAGEOUS, PLEASE DO NOT "OOH" AND "AWE."
THIS IS NOT "MARRIED WITH CHILDREN."
ALSO, I'M TOLD THAT I SHOULD TEASE THIS, BECAUSE IT'S ALL
ANYONE CARES ABOUT ANYONE. COMING UP, A PERFORMANCE BY
ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
ALL RIGHT. NOW, FOR ANY OTHER PRESIDENT,
THIS HEARING WOULD BE THE MOST DAMNING AND HUMILIATING MOMENT
OF THEIR LIVES, BUT FOR TRUMP IT'S JUST WEDNESDAY.
SO, PLEASE WELCOME OUR WITNESS, MR. MICHAEL COHEN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU FOR JOINING US TODAY,
MR. COHEN. >> SORRY, WHO SAID THAT?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M RIGHT HERE.
I'M RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU. >> OH, HEY.
THERE YOU ARE. ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU. >> YES.
NOW, MR. COHEN, I UNDERSTAND YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ A PREPARED
STATEMENT. >> YES, YOUR HONOR.
IF IT WELL PLEASES THE COURT -- >> I'M NOT A JUDGE.
I'M A CONGRESSMAN. AND MR. COHEN, YOU WROTE THIS
STATEMENT YOURSELF? >> YES.
BUT I HAD SOME HELP FROM THE GUYS WHO WROTE "GREEN BOOK."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
YOU MAY BEGIN. >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE
JURY. >> NOT A COURT.
>> THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME HERE TODAY TO CORRECT THE RECORD
UNDER OATH. OF COURSE, THE FIRST TIME I
TESTIFIED WAS ALSO UNDER OATH. BUT THIS TIME, I LIKE REALLY
MEAN IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU THAT MR. TRUMP IS A RACIST.
[ LAUGHTER ] WOW.
I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GET A REALLY MUCH BIGGER REACTION.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT HE'S ALSO A CON MAN AND A
CHEAT. AND TO PROVE IT I'M PROVIDING
THE COMMITTEE TODAY WITH SEVERAL DOCUMENTS.
THIS IS A TRUMP CHECK THAT MR. TRUMP WROTE ME AS
REIMBURSEMENT FOR HUSH MONEY I PAID TO STORMY DANIELS.
AND THIS IS A COPY OF THE CHECK I WROTE TO MISS DANIELS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M ALSO INCLUDING A COPY OF THE
THREATENING LETTER I SENT TO MR. TRUMP'S HIGH SCHOOL, WARNING
THEM NOT TO RELEASE HIS SAT SCORES.
[ LAUGHTER ] IN CONCLUSION, I KNOW THAT I WAS
WRONG. AND I KNOW IT, 'CAUSE I GOT
CAUGHT. FOR TOO MANY YEARS, I WAS LOYAL
TO A MAN WHEN I SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN.
NOW I KNOW HOW KHLEE KARDASHIAN FEELS.
BUT NOW, I'M ALL OUT OF FAITH. THIS IS HOW I FEEL.
I'M COLD. AND I'M ASHAMED.
LYING NAKED ON THE FLOOR. ILLUSION NEVER CHANGED INTO
SOMETHING REAL. I'M WIDE AWAKE AND I CAN SEE THE
PERFECT SKY IS TORN. THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> NOW I'D LIKE TO OPEN THE
FLOOR SO THE REPUBLICANS CAN GET ANGRY AT EVERYONE EXCEPT THE
PRESIDENT. THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES THE
CONGRESSMAN FROM OHIO, MR. JORDAN.
>> GOOD AFTERNOON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
GOOD AFTERNOON, MR. CHAIRMAN. GOOD AFTERNOON TO YOU, YOU LYING
PIECE OF HUMAN TRASH! >> THANK YOU, I REALLY
APPRECIATE THAT. >> WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING?
I'M RIGHT HERE! >> OH, HEY.
GREAT. THANK YOU.
>> MR. CHAIRMAN, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M ANGRY.
I'M ANGRY THAT I HAVE TO SIT HERE THROUGH THIS TWO-BIT DIRT
BAG FLEE CIRCUS. I'M SO ANGRY I COULDN'T EVEN
WEAR A JACKET TODAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MR. COHEN. I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF YOU!
>> YOUR MOTHER HAS. >> HEY, HEY, HEY.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU DON'T SCARE ME --
WITH YOUR LIAR MOUTH. OH, I'M ABOUT TO POP OFF!
YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING IN SOME OF THE SLEAZIEST CIRCLES IN AMERICA
FOR YEARS. WHAT OTHER CRIMINALS AND
LOWLIFES HAVE YOU WORKED FOR? >> I WAS THE DEPUTY FINANCE
CHAIRMAN FOR THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, SIR.
>> WHAT? IS THAT TRUE?
OH, DAMN IT. THE YIELD OF THE REST OF MY
TIME. >> OKAY.
THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES THE CONGRESSWOMAN FROM CALIFORNIA,
MRS. SPEIER. >> YEAH, I WOULD LIKE TO YIELD
MY TIME BACK TO JIM JORDAN, SO HE CAN CONTINUE DIGGING HIS OWN
GRAVE. >> AW, DAMN IT!
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY.
FINE, FINE. SO, MR. COHEN --
I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
>> I'M SORRY, MR. COHEN. ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE
IDENTIFYING WHERE SOUNDS ARE COMING FROM?
>> I AM. THANK YOU.
>> UNREAL. MR. COHEN, WHY ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO BELIEVE YOU NOW? I MEAN, YOU LIED ABOUT TRUMP
GOING A GOOD GUY. YOU LIED ABOUT TRUMP NOT
COMMITTING ANY CRIMES. YOU LIED ABOUT TRUMP NOT
WAIT, DAMN IT, I THINK I SHOT MYSELF IN THE FOOT AGAIN.
PASS. PASS.
COME BACK TO ME. COME BACK TO ME.
DAMN IT! IDIOT!
[ LAUGHTER ] COME ON.
>> THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES THE CONGRESSWOMAN FROM FLORIDA,
MRS. WASSERMAN SCHULTZ. >> YES, HELLO.
DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ. HOLD FOR GROANS.
HOLD FOR GROANS. MR. COHEN, FOR THIS PORTION OF
THE HEARING, I WOULD LIKE US BOTH TO LEAN INTO OUR NEW YORK
ACCENT SO HARD, THAT OUR VIEWERS WILL THINK THEY'RE STUCK LINE AT
ZABAR'S. IS THAT ALL RIGHT?
>> FORGET ABOUT IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I'M GOING TO QUOTE FROM THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT DOCUMENT.
MR. COHEN APPEARS TO HAVE LOST HIS MORAL COMPASS.
BURN. MR. COHEN PLED GUILTY TO A
SMORGASBORD TO FRAUDULENT ACTIVITY.
>> AFTER THAT IT SAID AT THE DIRECT OF PRESIDENT TRUMP.
>> IT DOES? OH, DAMN IT.
COME BACK TO ME. >> I WILL.
THE CONGRESSMAN RECOGNIZES THE CONGRESSMAN FROM ARIZONA.
MR. GOSAR. >> I WANT TO SAY ONE THING.
YOU ARE A PATH -- PATHOLOGICAL LIAR.
YOU DON'T KNOW TRUTH FROM FRICTIONAL.
>> EXCUSE ME? >> HEY, NO!
I'M TALKING HERE. YOU ARE THE LIAR.
THAT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED. I PUT THIS UP.
LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ARE FIRE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
>> I'M HAVING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING WHAT YOU ARE
SAYING. >> I WILL TELL YOU WHAT IT
MEANS, MR. LOHAN. IF YOU LIE, PANTS ARE FIRE.
IF YOU TRUTH, PANTS ARE GOOF. >> DO YOU NEED MEDICAL
ATTENTION? >> WOW, THAT WAS OUT STANDING.
THE CHAIR RECOGNIZES THE CONGRESSMAN FROM NORTH CAROLINA.
>> THANK YOU, MR. CHAIR. I COULDN'T HELP BUT LAWYER
MR. COHEN CALL THE PRESIDENT A RACIST.
I BROUGHT WITH ME A BLACK WOMAN AND SHE WORKS FOR TRUMP, DON'T
YOU? UH-HUH.
HER NAME IS OMAROSA. >> NO, NO.
>> SHE STOOD BY TRUMP'S SIDE SINCE THE FIRST SEASON OF THE
APPRENTICE. >> THAT IS NOT ME.
CAN I LEAVE? >> ABSOLUTELY.
SAVE YOURSELF BECAUSE I AM SHUTTING THIS DOWNRIGHT NOW TO
GIVE A QUICK SERMON TO CALL EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM A DAMN
FOOL. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR DAMN MINDS.
THIS HEARINGS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR SEVEN HOURS SO LET'S TAKE A
BREAK AND ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ WILL PROBABLY DO A
DANCE, IS THAT RIGHT? >> NO, I WAS GOING TO ASK
CAREFULLY RESEARCHED QUESTIONS. >> CLEARLY THAT IS NOT WHAT
TODAY IS ABOUT. MR. COHEN, ANY FINAL WORDS?
>> YES, YOUR HONOR. LOOK, MAYBE I'M NOT A GOOD
PERSON. MAYBE I'M A LIAR.
MAYBE I'M A FOOL. MAYBE I RUINED HUNDREDS OF
PEOPLE'S LIVES. >> I'M SORRY.
IS THERE A BUT COMING? >> NO, THERE ISN'T.
THANK YOU. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!
