Dave Allen - "Teaching Your Kid Time" - '93 - stereo HQ

so one of the most important things we as parents do is we teach our children about time we teach them important things like reading the clock you actually think that's important I'm teach you to read the clock hmm teach you to read the time why because it's important that you know the time why because how would you know when to get up to go to school mommy would make me what if mommy wasn't there you'd wait what if we both went there wouldn't go to school how would you know when breakfast was I'd be hungry sure somebody came along to you and said what time is it and you didn't know you'd feel stupid why doesn't he feel stupid he didn't let me go through this whole thing let me teach you I did it myself my son teach you how to read the clock this is a clock it's not actually a clock it is a clock but it's not a clock it's a watch it's called a watch it's a wrist watch because it's on my wrist yes it's a wrist watch because it's on my wrist and I watch it yes now this time is made up of zones periods of time all right there's there's hours and minute note not hours no they're not ours they're ours they don't belong to us it's a different spelling H oh you are s not cowards it's sand I don't know now on every day there are 24 hours 24 of these hours 12 in the day in 12 of the night I know I said there are 24 hours in a day 12 of the day 12 a night what a day is made up of a day and a night what are you stupid I couldn't very well say Monday Monday night everybody knows when I say Monday I'm talking about the 24 hours now shut up and listen now on every clock or watch there are three pointers they're called hands alright they point to the hour all right you understand it there's the hour hand that's the first hand the hour hand the second hand is the minute hand and the third hand is the second shut up we'll do away forget about the third hand forget it it's gone all right stop are we have two hands on the face of the clock there are two hands all right there's the our hand which is the fat hand and there's the thin hand which is the millet on so you have a fat hand and a finland all right fat hand ours thin hand minutes right now up the top of the clock you see the number up there one and two one and two is twelve it's not free it will be three of you join them together we already have a 3 here on the side by itself we don't need to bloody trades on a clock so it's 12 all right 1 and 2 is 12 so when a fan and the thin hand are pointing up the one on the 2 it is 12 o clock in the daytime because it would be dark and you'll never see it how thus in hand starts to move away from the fat hand it likes the fatter yes it likes the fat hand but if it wants to tell the time it has to go away from the fat hand so it moves away from the fat hand leaving the fat hand at the 1 and the 2 and then it comes over to the 1 here by itself you see the one to the right of the one on the two now that one is 5 because it is it's 5 2 is 10 3 is 15 4 is 25 is 25 6 is 1/2 ha because 12 is the hole so 6 is our 7 is 25 - or 35 past so now what's actually happening is the thin hand who's moving around the clock from the 1 to the 2 which is the 5 of the 10 and while he's doing that a fat hand is moving slowly away from the 102 yes because fat hands move slowly that's like faxing waddle away yes that's it and now by the time the fat hand has got around to the one which was the 5 when the minute hand was pointing at it and the one has come back right up to the one of the 2 it is now what time it is not 5 o'clock it's 1 o'clock because when the finger point and it is minute the fine point Helen it's an hour are you be a good boy and learn how to read the clock and I'll buy your digital watch

Channel: davidwrightatloppers

Views: 1,291,615

Rating: 4.8879738 out of 5

Keywords: Dave Allen (Comedian), Standup Comedian (Musical Album)

Id: 0QVPUIRGthI

Length: 5min 59sec (359 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 05 2009

Reddit Comments

[u/JoeyBagels]

Man, I would kill to be that natural on stage.

[u/dudemanhey]

Loved Dave Allen at large

[u/risker1980]

I grew up watching his TV series in the late 80's/ early 90's. I still remember the ritual of coming to school on Monday and me and my friend reciting them to each other. He was a god.

[u/14thCenturyHood]

You know who else is a great Irish stand up? Michael Redmond. A style similar to Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg.

[u/torontoted]

That show was brilliant, the skits were hilarious. Too bad it's not on DVD. I loved his style; always had a glass of scotch telling these jokes.

[u/[deleted]]

Is he talking to Obama in that bit?