Dave Allen on Religion

I went to the school in a little village called rat Farnum in County SS my first day at school this convent long winding driveway up to one of those gothic doors great studded it rang the bell and open there's one of these nuns flappy 4 years late terrified what do you want little boy I mean then it's good to come here yes well if you come here you've got to be a good little boy would you be good a little boy I'll I could see pastor there's a follow me little cross you're bloody right shall be remove what first question they ask what do you know about God but I know anything about God Oh God God you do not know who God is since their sister we have an atheist here let me tell you a little boy God is God was I'm God always will be what he is he's father he is the son he's the Holy Ghost he is 3 in 1 you understand at four years of age why wouldn't my doing a theological question in the world three people in one man I'm actually yeah where is he he's here what I can't see him that doesn't mean because you can't see him that he's not here doesn't covered he's not in the cupboard all doesn't have cupboards he's under the stairs on the stairs he's here with us now he's upstairs he's downstairs he's outside he's inside he's everywhere I think he's big and asked do you love him do you love him God loves you they want your love but if you do not give him your love he will cast you into everlasting flame hmm he will cast you into everlasting flame have you ever burnt yourself the candle what was it like there's joy can you imagine that pain all over your body that's what will happen to you if you do not love God what do you think of that I love them Goliath I asked who was the fella on the cross Jesus who's Jesus he's the son of God I told you Father the Son and Holy Ghost he's the son of God he was born on Christmas Day and died on Easter I didn't he didn't hang around it he what happened to him he died because of you Christ died on the cross because of your sins when was this 2,000 years ago can't blame me I'm only four did he have a deli of course he had a daddy I've told you had a daddy God was his daddy never mummy yes he had a mommy Mary was his mommy so God was married to Mary no God was not married to Mary Mary was married to Joseph between my parents and the church the brains are scrambled I learned to bless myself first time I learned to bless myself was sadly when my uncle died and he was been buried in a kind of remote part on the Dublin mountains and it's a real funeral day the wind was whipping down rain and I'm gonna in speaking I'm kind of wandering around between these legs and this black shroud and umbrellas and dripping rain this bloody hole in the ground was all about and I'm watching the coffin being lowered into the ground I'm here the priest say what I think in the name of the Father and the Son and into the whole he goes that's how I dressed myself for years something into the Holy Ghost what did you say name of the Father Son done in to look into the Holy Ghost goes into the Holy Ghost he didn't go in a hole I was there I saw him he went in a hole you

Channel: Brian Darling

Views: 2,357,655

Rating: 4.8911157 out of 5

Keywords: Dave, Allen, Religion, School, Standup, Nuns, Dublin, Ireland

Id: jxo81Ok9Urk

Length: 5min 47sec (347 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 01 2007

Reddit Comments

[u/dropcode]

the funniest part is that he didn't even have to tell any jokes.

[u/BestNannyEver]

Very funny. It reminds me of moments when I have told children what different religions believe and having them look at me like I am crazy.

[u/n3hemiah]

Good old Irish humor! I think the Irish are the next race to go "post-religion," like the secular Jews of the 20th century. The Jews had the Holocaust to convince them that God was not real. Though it is incomparable in scope to the Holocaust, the heavy Irish abuse crisis has practically decimated the Church in Ireland.

And also that is one hell of a tailored suit. Literally perfect tailoring.

[u/zajhein]

His other routine about Adam and Eve is funny as well.

"and he sees that adam is happy...."

[u/Waterrat]

Quite funny...And accurate..it's batshit crazy.

[u/nowxisxforever]

Brillilant!

[u/zyle]

Excellent!

[u/Aemina]

Turtle-rific!

[u/[deleted]]

Louis CK did a show with with FX called Louie. There is an episode called "God" which also depicts the Catholic church through a child's eyes. It is very good. It doesn't bother with all of the other crimes that the church is responsible for, it just directly highlights the emotional abuse that all Catholic churches are guilty of.

The show tends to alternate between episodes that are absolutely hilarious, and episodes that aren't funny at all but are extremely clever.