CATACHAN JUNGLE FIGHTERS: RAMBOS OF THE 41ST MILLENNIUM | Warhammer 40k Lore

foreign [Music] welcome everyone to another episode of the adeptus ridiculous podcast my name is DK my co-host name is bricky he's going to be doing all the teaching of all the crazy stuff in Warhammer 40K but before he does if you enjoy today's podcast heading over to patreon.com adeptus ridiculous to support us you get access to stuff like our Discord which is always bopping uh some really nice uh HD posters posters I was gonna say fan art but it's not I guess technically fan whatever it's really cool great posters big Boba um I think a new one is coming out soon that's equally nice so anyway um and bloopers if they happen so yeah patreon.com adeptus ridiculous huh uh bricky tell these fine folks where they can pick up some quality adeptus ridiculous merch oh well you can find some quality a dentist ridiculous merch at orchid8.com or check it out in the description you can see awesome shirts hoodies long sleeves white and black and red and stickers and it all looks wonderful and also if you are not catched up on the book club we are reading void stalker the final in the night Lords Trilogy get that going that episode will be up probably near the end of the month uh Slash beginning of October which is good because October is when things get spooky um you know I was thinking to myself we're good we want to do Caiaphas Kane after this yes we do but it's gonna be October so it'll be October uh so we should do brutal content next we might want to do brutal content instead yeah and then save uh Kai Kai kaioff has came for uh for November yeah maybe we'll see it's early I mixed up November and September in my head for a second and had to do a quick auto correction so dude you literally went to bed like four hours ago five thank you that's even worse considering that you've been awake for like 30 minutes yeah but it's fine I've I've had less sleep and function than done stuff like this before it's fine oh I've suffered larger injuries in my life it's okay yeah it's just a finger I've not slept and done stuff like this before recently but it's it's trivial matter this sleep thing have you ever seen 300 yes yes I have I've seen it oh my God you you referenced popular media and I've seen it holy [ __ ] Mark the time and date because you're not gonna get that Bingo spots and it's American yes it's American American Film yes it's American Film yeah uh there's a there's a tail there's a part in it where one of the guys gets injured and whatever what's his name Russell Crowe or whoever Leonidas Gerard Butler yeah yeah he he asked him if he was doing okay is like uh no sir it is only an eye God has Grace to me with giving me give me two thankfully God graced me with another yep yes yeah that that's you it's like oh it's fine it's just sleep I can sleep whenever I want hahaha once this podcast is over I can go catch like an eight-hour nap no big deal an eight hour an eight hour nap yeah you nap for four hours you sleep for AIDS whatever I can catch an eight hour sleep afterwards all right that's it you know good now I'm awake I'm I'm fine you know who's not gonna go to bed though our wonderful viewers because they need an episode I'm gonna give them one God damn it okay all right DK do you want to guess again or not yeah all right you get three guesses oh three I thought you were just gonna give me one you get two guesses iron Warriors no damn it iron hands no damn it there's a lot of iron here but it's there's a lot of iron in this one but it's not that kind of iron it's Pumping Iron it's it's Pumping Iron we're Pumping Iron today we're talking about the cation Imperial Guard regiment the rambos of the 41st Millennium oh let's go okay I'm down wanted to do a guard regiment been a bit never I only ever did a specific one we did we talked Lots about Katia but that's more on the fall Acadia and so the second most popular guard regimen are the catachan oh that'd be the death core that's right that was our first episode ever first episode ever yes that was a bit ago um but the second I guess the one you can play as that isn't Forge we're doing the cat we're doing the cat the cattle guard so let's go let's go I love myself some guard sipping the guard are cool I don't I don't mind uh oh apparently our first episode was the death core of Krieg and this is our 50th official episode hey 50th Anniversary going back to Our Roots all right actually when you think about it well no in the beginning it was once every two weeks but it could have 52 in a year so I'm like oh that's right at the beginning it was bi-weekly and then we hit the patreon goal and then it was weekly that's right I forgot about that interesting well regardless uh we are talking about katachan jungle Fighters the actual Rambo stereotypes of the 41st Millennium and yet they are incredibly cool uh super badass and actually hold up to their name okay which is uh rare because there's such a they're so goofy they are it living in a 40K world and literally just bear arms bare chests no armor knife um doesn't seem like it would work super well but it doesn't it's a little difficult to figure out how I I think of the accents you could give them there's obviously a you know a little bit of the Rambo Vibe if you want to make them all sound like Stallone or you can give them a good old Texas Vibe but I think the best one is definitely australium oh that's a knife uh not only that's a knife but katachan the the planet of katacham is known for every single plant and animal to be hostile to humans oh gotcha and if that if there's an Australian joke there that's yup you gotta watch out for those uh what are they drop pandas drop koalas is that the the meme you go to Australia you gotta watch out for the drop koalas or something oh I I don't know man instead we have the brain leaf what and the kadashan devil Legend devil okay cool wait is uh um does it have slime marble yes these ones have slime marble relative um Chuck Norris meme is I love and hate Sly marble I um he's unfortunately not particularly gray in the tabletop but he's very funny um so katacham is actually classified as a death world uh oh so it is classified under the exact same well classification as [ __ ] Krieg oh okay so so if you think about it Krieg is a death world because it was bombed to the Stone Age and it's a radioactive Wasteland um catch it is a death world because everything wants to kill you yeah yep now there was an old connection joke I'm not sure if I remember telling you this one but uh do you remember the the tyranid lichter I think with all the weird the weird tentacles uh it says there's a connection joke was like having sex with catch and women is like this or it's like uh uh wrestling down a liquor except your erection has a purpose I don't remember that but that's uh well that's a that's a that's a hell of a it's a hell of a joke for them these These are these are the manly men these these are your your uncle who who makes like man jokes that are a little sexist as the barbecue but in reality all the Kardashian women are like are like just as buff as the men I honestly don't think you could tell the difference from from like a long glance you have to get close oh okay damn the catching women are pretty badass should I just put up a picture of like uh one of their minis damn oh yeah I own that many oh yeah yeah I guess I guess I guess you'd have catechin uh well you're big into the guard and they seem like they're pretty unique they are they're certainly interesting they have a really bad line of minis though because it's mostly just Katie and minis uh but they have a couple like characters that they've created with and that's one of them um here's another picture of this I mean this chick looks like Ripley a lot of them look like Ripley I'll be honest oh yes um exactly like well she looks very close to Ripley yes yes and and you know ngw is the ones who are high on their copyright train um but anywho uh so catagen's a death World obviously in the pure of man it's in the katachan system so naturally that's a simple Place uh it was established a long time ago uh colonized during the Dark Age of Technology um and the first couple probes that arrived in the star system it looks like a normal green orb but when they the you know Colony ships crash landed on it and father they had no way to escape they were barely able to survive stuck in their spacecraft the entire time while the jungle constantly tried to murder their ass makes sense now after a long time of obviously just having to survive a planet like this the entire populace of katuchin are very very strong just from the need to be tough sure everything wants to kill you there and everything needs to be dealt with you know it's one of those things where like the encroaching uh Flora will it's like remember that part in Jumanji with like the vines that would cover the house oh yeah oh my God this is the second time you've made a popular culture reference that I get a Jumanji is a little safe of an option that's fair that's that's really really popular the fair and I'm a boomer so that of both reasons you like board games we like board games but but it's like the the plants maybe not that fast but they grow really quick so often's like all right get the flamers time to deal with the Flora you know and then you go out to go deal with the flamers and then a giant creature eats your ass and you're like oh my God not not again my ass in my ass not again so a lot of slashing and burning going on they're constantly trying to deal with like uh uh the the encroaching uh flora and fauna it's like a 24 7 job that they're always trying to clear that [ __ ] out yeah basically that's a good way to put it okay um even during the 13th Black Crusade when Abaddon was attacking Cadia uh katuchin themselves were actually uh attacked by so they called a a wounded void whale a gigantic alien whale that is born in the immaterium and just kind of swims through space and they were under attack by an orc wa led by free Buddha Captain bad Rook wow that those are two crazy things to get hit by like just out of nowhere uh a wounded void whale also what does a wounded void whale look like is it just like a does it look just like a whale that's just floating around and swimming in space or is it like all crazy and mutated by the immaterium this guy oh God that's so sick yep it's a giant whale in the space it almost looks like a giant like skeleton whale like it looks like a the the the skeleton of a whale just floating around with like boosters on its tail a little bit it almost looks like a tyranid that almost yeah it looks super badass actually things kind of float around they're just around um actually after the fall of Cadia when the pylons died and the giant Rift cracked open and split the Galaxy uh katuchin was actually caught in the rift and it was exposed to a enormous demonic evasion her Invasion so after I don't know how long after gilliman's indominus Crusade finally was able to reach its way to karachin yeah um they dealt with the problem on their own wow so so so they got caught and had to deal with a massive demon Invasion and then Gilman arrived and they're like oh we fixed it holy [ __ ] they didn't even they didn't even need their help they just like oh we got we cleared it it's all right don't worry about it damn just a bunch of bunch of dudes dudes that are just I mean I guess when when you got guns like that Lit like their arms I mean when you got guns like that who needs uh who needs the astarties who needs power armor so the the there's not okay so they say there's only a population of 12 million on katuchin which just sounds wrong yeah um because of these the scale of 40K they should probably add two zeros to that um because that just seems silly maybe that's just to show just how deadly catechin is maybe but they're but they're like around they're not I mean there's more Canadians but it's not like they don't have a lot of dudes I don't know maybe maybe that's the amount of people on the planet and in reality the they because they export so many Guardsmen so there's more catagen like around the world or the Galaxy but at any one time there's only like you know 12 million on the planet but they're constantly shipping like 24 million as like Imperial tithes yeah um it currently in the planet most of the habitat or the the settlements are basically these giant fortresses surrounded by planes and because building on connection is very difficult because at best Vines and lichen will take hold of everything and poison will melt the mortar of the walls and crush the bunkers and tanks um on the planet 50 of the population does not live past infancy and another 50 does not live past 10 years old so boy you have a 25 chance to get to the age of 11. oh boy that's those are not great odds no um how are they not survived well I guess I was gonna say how do they not survive infancy but I mean it's a it's a deadly world and how can you defend the baby when you're defending yourself and yeah not to mention just all the other stuff in the air like it's it's not like the play doesn't have flying creatures too they're probably swoop it and take your baby that's true like a pterodactyl or like an eagle just just swooping in and getting its meal like here's some of the things so here's some of the plants on on katuchin right you got the brain Leaf uh it's a vegetative carnivore as a small tree but it's not very conspicuous however uh it can attach its tendrils to the spine and brain of any animal taking control of their body oh there's this the Spiker which is a plant that fires spikes into their body which contains the spiker's DNA to unleash a bunch of mutative chemical reactions that transforms the person into another Spiker oh sounds like a lot of uh just your body getting taken over by poisons and phones there's the the Venus Man Trap we're not being subtle with this one no I'm going to assume this Isaiah I'm assuming it is a catches catches the men it is uh it is very big and it is not stationary but is able to move its leaves to attack and eat its prey of course so it's mobile it's mobile it's a giant mobile Venus flytrap there is the uh the strangle plant where I wonder what that does it has very adhesive coils to unwrap itself grab its prey and drag them back until they die of dehydration indeed there's the sucker tree oh no which is a fungal like growth on top of a normal trunk of a tree but the trunk can twist and turn when it sees prey to drop its suckers on the top of the heads of victims and it drains them of their life fluids oh boy and flings the sucked out like latex corpse away into a not suspicious pile of bodies oh boy that's gross when you first said like were they sucker trees sucker pods I was like oh you know that that sounds like a that sounds like a good time and then you described what they do and I was like no well we've got plenty more of the trees but let's talk about the animals oh great I'm sure they're friendly and furry and just wonderful let's talk about the blood wasps which are a swarm of small insects that are known to eat their prey alive stripping them to the bone in under an hour that's a fish that is disgustingly efficient [ __ ] wasps wasps are such [ __ ] they are fiction and in real life they're such [ __ ] I hate it I hate them uh well there's the heretic ants no they do not serve abaddam oh man a bunch of little ants are like well I'm stupid but um that's actually that's like a great meme it's like hey look look down there little ants it's like what for the blood through let's go through school [Music] um apparently they're called heretic ants because they go up to the prey's feet their souls first stop it I'm not [ __ ] King this is the wiki says stop it I hate it here one one bite will put a fully grown man in the infirmary for a month two of them will give you 24 hours without dying and three bites will just kill them outright oh wow now you want to know about the vein worms oh God I is that v-e-i-n vane oh you know it oh no they secrete an ooze that numbs their prey when they bite so they can't feel a thing the worms then dig their way under the prey skin into their bloodstream and lay their eggs into which the eggs that are spread around the host's body and then when the larva hatch they eat their way into the brain hearts and bones when they are in there is no cure when they're in your body yeah that gives me that gives me the the heebie-jeebies I don't like that I hate I hate crazy it's like you wouldn't even know until it was like way too late if you did know there's no way to fix it all right you want to know a funnier one oh Drake bats [Laughter] swooping around just supersonic uh Drake songs I was trying to think of a Drake song but like just just like flying down you hear an auto-tune like God's plan that's true and it's just they're like no Drake all the all the all the connection guys have like Kanye West shirts on they all have stunner shades oh God stunner shades yep uh Drake bats they are organ sized Wings winged reptiles that lurk in the upper canopies and so so these are basically like flying cars I'm just gonna say if they're the size of an ogre and like can you really call them bats anymore they come down and they kill and they I mean they just kill you you know they eat they kill you and eat you but it's like just how big they are Jesus well I guess that's why they're called Drake bats because it's the size of an actual like Drake like a like a sort of little mini Dragon right like a little bit damn I was just thinking this little bat that was like MiMi had stunner shades and was just bopping Beats at you but God that's nightmare fuel holy [ __ ] um there's the katachan devil it's the most famous animal it is an insectoid Predator like a like a limbs or long Scorpion or centipede oh God she's posted a picture of him I don't like that oh you're gonna like it you're gonna like it a lot worse when they can commonly be the size of a train oh oh no oh no uh no they are very bulky and slow moving though um which means you could generally outrun them however because they're that big they pose a legitimate threat to settlements and such oh I imagine I imagine if they tore it like they could literally just tear through a settlement and I'm assuming that's some pretty thick armor that they've got and it's kind of hard to kill him most likely yeah those things are are as can be as long as a land train they are very big I don't like that like if that I was I was thinking that thing was like the size of like a a big centipede and I was like oh that's still gross the size of a train imagine the shits that thing takes that's where your mind went and my man all right but well I mean after going like you know just plowing through settlement walls and eating people it's like man imagine if you know you you got past one it was just like what is what's that thing trailing and it's just you know it's it's the size of a train I know imagine what anyway that's something called Grox Grox um they're found in catachim these are quadrupeds and they are very very big they're like big little they're big old dinosaurs and they're actually around many different worlds now that they're kind of here and there uh however they're extremely ornery and nearly impossible to keep under control without some kind of like lobotomy um so on cation they have become completely deadly and wild Predators however they are known for their incredibly nutritious and tasty meat so they very often create things called groxburgers I uh I posted a picture uh of one and man that that's some dated art it looks so goofy and Dopey yeah that's pretty awesome but I'm sure that that drawing is from like the [ __ ] 80s or something so I can't be too harsh on it but it just looks so dope he's like d they're really silly yeah um there's a couple other ones but the last one I want to talk about is something called the green barking toad um I like this because it was in the emperor text-to-speech series and it had in this part where it had Vulcan and Vulcan was like I wish to pet this creature there's a big green barking toad no it's actually quite small it's like maybe the size of like a cat maybe a little smaller than that um they look very benign and harmless uh but they are like physically volatile once it's feels threatened it will explode in a cloud of toxins that'll cover everything within a one kilometer area oh including themselves So when you say explode you mean explode it is actually a frog nuclear missile it is a frog wmd it is a w it is a w m f weapons oh my God I was trying to interrupt it I heard it come and I was like maybe if I get this question in real quick ah [ __ ] frog of mass destruction oh god um so it it kills itself doing this right because it's you see it gets caught up in the blast yes and it is so bad that respirators will not help you and even uh it will even melt Marine power armor whoa they are the most toxic creatures in the Galaxy there is no known creature more volatile than the green barking toad feel like there should be some sort of way to weaponize these things like where like you sedate it and then like you throw it and you can like you know I mean light sedation then when it hits the ground it wakes up it's like ah I mean maybe but I think the problem is that once they they consider something a threat they immediately explode and how do you make that benign like even if you shoot them with like a like a tranquilizer dart oh yeah if it goes off like are you gonna be over a kilometer away to land that Dart it's a hell of a sniper shot yeah that's fair that's fair it's not worth the risk it's not worth the risk um so that's a lot of [ __ ] on catachan to make it a little bit more clear how [ __ ] badass these dudes are um the actual caddiction jungle Fighters obviously have a very Rambo Vibe they tend to carry their last rifles lots of grenades and a really big ass knife it's the size of your thigh like it is an enormous knife and you also need to think a little bit of like Darwinism and natural selection here catching guys are just stronger almost in general because of the year and generations like I think catechins tend to be in the upper six feet I mean that makes sense yeah yeah they're much larger they're much stronger physically um they're they're a lot they're tougher uh in in a tabletop but if you play cation you actually get uh plus one strength which means that they put them at the same strength as Space Marines which lore wise they aren't but in game that still says something yeah also holy [ __ ] that picture that knife is it's bigger than his leg yeah it's ignore and consider look how big that man is if he's like almost seven feet tall yeah if he's like six seven foot and that's as big as his leg holy [ __ ] and he's one-handing that thing that's got to be a heavy knife yeah but it's his knife it's his knife that's his knife remember katuchin knives are the most sought after or one of the most sought after items for Orcs oh I bet I bet they are I bet the Orcs hold those in uh High reverence yeah they do they also have a mini that looks exactly like a guy from predator Dylan hey you son of a [ __ ] and the meme [Music] that's so good yep I really like Predator because it has [ __ ] like that but then turns into a horror movie and like this is great I need to watch Predator again it's been forever since I've seen it um I just remember the Dylan part you can't forget that oh there's so many Predator references in in the catch and once again the GW real real rich with their copyright super subtle you couldn't even what subtle references ah golly I mean they've even got the red headband and everything and then yeah I mean come on who does that that that the um here's a quote for you my dude mark it off on your bingo code um Jesus Jesus uh this is katachin guys actually on a a different planet and it says we've run into scorpions the size of Battle Tanks three men died from Ira last week and I've sweated enough to fill a lake Emperor help me I love this place it's just like home that's that's pretty good it's just like it's probably not as bad as home would be fair not as bad I mean the Scorpions are only the size of a tank you know oh yeah they're outside of a train good point they have these big giant scorpion centipedes in the size of a train he's like oh what a cute little tank-sized bug so when you think of how the catechin fight they tend to be very gorilla obviously they're they're they're called catching jungle Fighters for a reason they're really good at tracking they're great at hiding in the shadows and in foliage they're great at cutting down foliage they very often are equipped with flamethrowers that's probably one of their best weapons yeah uh because of all the foliage get rid of all the foliage burn I mean often um I mean some creatures might have a carapace but often flame is a good way to get rid of of bugs yeah melt the carapace right they like Sentinels a lot which are the the atat Walkers oh also a good choice sure or sorry the atst Walkers excuse me someone's gonna actually me on that one I'm just getting ready for it I mean someone's probably actually due on 12 things in this episode already like um excuse me the pronunciation of katuchin is not a Chan like you're talking about anime I I'll sometimes they do call it catacan um but that's just no that's supposed to be a joke well I the thing is is that I just don't care good good call it works out um but yes flamers are big into them they like to use those Sentinels with like flamers on them as well burn through the foliage um they're very big into booby traps oh really they love to build fancy types of mines and and charges and they they tend to trap things up quite a bit so often if they like need to hold a position say like a fortress and the enemy wants to advance in there it practically turns into a Pharaoh's tomb with the amount of [ __ ] they place um they they love demolition charges very often and sometimes they just run at the enemy they punch real [ __ ] hard man I mean they're they're made out of just like muscle so I imagine uh getting punched by a catechin would be very very painful because they have like zero percent body fat uh they're super battle hardened from just living oh oh they've got body fat those pictures might make him look buff but don't get me wrong they got body fat these are strong men ah okay these men are these are bulking these men are like Bane these are Big Boys okay you got you gotta have that belly to protect your organs when you're doing all that heavy lifting right everybody getting mad at uh the Ragnarok Thor when it's like that's what a strong man's supposed to look like if he's actually strong yo I think Ragnarok Thor looks so dope too it's it's accurate also that's what Thor looked like um they actually do this really cool thing there's a variety of special devices they create something called devil Gardens um no where there are areas that have a large mounds of leaves or tree roots concealed plasma charges and Shredder mines um but they also can take the look of like a dead dead Falls spiked pits a snare spring mines uh toe poppers which are shell set to explode when someone steps on them okay um apparently the a lot of new recruits say that the objective of these mines and traps is to kill the enemy but it's not really the course that's oh that'll be lucky but it's merely to slow them down okay um which makes the enemy tend to maybe become demoralized overly cautious spread out and then that makes them vulnerable to an ambush because then they spread out to be more careful and then a catching guy pulls his knife out from behind like a dark shadow Shanks you and then pulls you into the trees with him yeah um it's a little bit God's ghosty actually they kind of have a similar like stealth they're not as stealthy in fact often they just run and punch [ __ ] um but they can in a good jungle they can have that similar like ghost stealth vibe uh but with a lot more traps and and just being incredibly buff yeah I was gonna say they sound kind of like guns but uh teneth tanith the tanith first and only right um it sounded more like they were just about just the stealth uh whereas the cation sound like they're just [ __ ] seven I'm not Savages but they're not gonna stay hidden for long they'll they're they'll come out and get you listen if you want to just call them Australians that's totally fine man they're Australians and you know what well at some point they gotta put their [ __ ] down pull out a knife and charge that damn kangaroo no man a catagen would box a kangaroo I love that video so much of the man boxing the kangaroo to save his dog yep he punches the kangaroo in the face it's so good that that he must really love that dog because that is one metal thing to do yeah kangaroos have big ass Talons yeah kangaroos will [ __ ] you up like you might think they're all cute and cuddly because like Kangaroo Jack or some [ __ ] but kangaroo [ __ ] you up uh so as for a units in the cation uh obviously there are as many of the Casual ones teams different tree squads you know heavy support ogren's uh but there's one particular one called The catechin Devils and this is uh actually known for having them be a lot more deadly in close combat um they're obviously still very good with shooting but uh it is reference to their famous kill knives which I believe are called the um devil knives or I don't know exactly there the main thing is their mission is normally long range penetration raids super deep behind the Enemy Lines they've been in there for like weeks to months and dealing and being able to like launch surprise attacks and ambushes and just cause massive pandemonium so these are like deep deep uh covert Ops guys and they're they're pretty cool um but of course they're also incredibly muscular so you know they get really deep in the back and they break some dude's neck with their just massive biceps and you know I would imagine you have to be kind of sort of the best of the best to be in this uh devil Squad because I mean you've got to be Behind Enemy Lines for months like that's not exactly something any old person can do like even if you are catachan right it's very tough yeah yeah that's that's no easy feed like uh often they all they also have well okay so the catch and knives there's three types there's the Knight Reaper the Devil's claw and the Fang um so the devil's names for knives Devil's claws the big one I believe okay sorry size leg size knife actually that might be the catching Fang the the the the Devil's claw is a little bit skinnier but it's longer it's almost more like a long sword okay um but you know DK we gotta do another quotes we gotta let's go chase us it says this place is crawling with things that want to eat you that rifle doesn't put you on top of the food chain it just gives you a chance to not be at the bottom that's a great quote these guys are [ __ ] fun gives you a chance to not be at the bottom that's that's that should be on like every piece of catechin merch ever and Shai does want me to remind us about how they treat commissars oh no so yeah you gotta be a pretty big badass to be a catechin commissar unfortunately often the captions do not like being told to do uh they also consider cadians to be a quote unquote a bunch of [ __ ] of course they do because the acadians are are like the city boys who are all right perfect uniform and and you know drilled to Perfection and they're like a bunch of little little boy scouts [ __ ] yeah but they come inside stay in my shoes they probably couldn't yeah um but you know they're also way better shots so well that's not true it may not be the truth but they they have their own they're all good at something um but for the catechins often a commissar will be assigned to them and very often the commissar uh is eaten by the local fauna or goes missing air quotes air quotes very often is that that doesn't surprise me is there has there ever been a commissar that is like gotten their respect of the catechin and was like served under them for or served with them for a while you know kind of like gaunt I'm sure there is a situation in which that has happened um uh however I can't think of one off the top of my head so a lot of comma Stars just go Miss they you know they don't know what to do they should stop sending comic stars to catagen [ __ ] should probably not send them yeah but they don't know they get eaten by the local fauna that's not their fault well still how many how many comma stars do you have to get reported dead before you're like you know what they're better off without it it's fine they're probably not gonna run from a face okay it's fine all right so let's let's talk about kernel ironhand straken okay let's talk about them Colonel iron hand struck in and I quote medic stop whining Brooke you got another damned leg he was God graced you with two legs um so Colonel iron has strachen is one of the best commanding officers of the caddish and jungle Fighters he's a hard veteran and he has fought more battles and survived more wounds than most Guardsmen have eaten hot meals quote unquote whoa whoa that's a big ass shotgun uh and he has a personal code of quote getting stuck in oh oh uh I have I have unironically in the tabletop punched almost like squads of Marines to death with his arm um he he is a very powerful arm uh so is it is it like a bionic like metal yep he has a bionic arm oh [ __ ] actually it looks like half of him well maybe a little less than half of him is like robot uh you all he's got he's got a large chunk of him that has a bionic arm and stuff um the main reason of this is because in the line of duty he was bitten by a giant thing known as a land shark and lost that entire part of his body uh however during this period of time um he was being passionate by the medics and uh pulling the pins off of grenades and throwing them over the wall oh that's him that's what's with his other good hands about him with quote do I have to do everything myself badass guy is an ABS I'm sad that his mini is so old and looks like trash I was gonna say that must be an old Mini because it looks like absolute dog [ __ ] but he is is known for [ __ ] up a large amount of Orcs And tyranids especially uh he it has a specific rule in the game known as been there killed it where if he's fighting any monster character he re-rolls all wounds I think so if you like take him against like a giant tyranid monster he's like been there killed it and he gets and you get like to re-roll your hits or something what a boss what a [ __ ] [ __ ] boss love it he's pretty cool he uh he at least a whole bunch of uh like orbital strikes against the night Lords Legion and then went to go fight them in hand to hand he's a cool guy damn he went to go fight night Lords hand to hand oh I don't know maybe maybe not but I believe him damn look at that man I believe he'd do it you'd go punch tonight Lord yeah this guy yeah yeah Kalos has Visions about him he's like guys we should not we should leave we don't think we should go to Canada so we got another guy his name is Stone tooth Harker uh Stone Cold Stone Stone Cold Steve Austin it was me Austin it was me all along uh quote back home I once fancied me a pair of catachan devil boots killed me half a dozen of the gray ugly Critters but never found a single one that wore any foreign so this guy is so badass that he runs around and hip fires a heavy Bolter I was about to ask if that's what was on his disgustingly ugly mini yeah also a very old Mini yeah yeah yep he runs around and hip fire is a heavy Bolter and he his name is bolter's name is Payback oh that's a great name for a gun oh that's uh that I I like that a lot but he he had someone had to do that because if they're going for the whole Rambo thing you gotta have someone that has like that Big Belt Magazine strapped over their uh arm and everything he gotta since GW is being smooth about you know references you gotta have the all right you want to know what is Grace uh claim to fame was yeah I absolutely do uh it was a battle against the tyranids on a Twilight world where a [ __ ] was assaulted by a Pakistan called raveners which are uh basically like a version of the tyranid warrior but they kind of they um they like burrow uh so they have like little slinky Tails uh bursting from Beneath the Planet and within seconds his ammunition loader was torn apart by the claws well the rest of his Squad were doing their best to stay alive so Harker leapt upon the closest Beast without pause wrapped his massive biceps around their throat and the ravener rides to try to Buck him off but his grip was too strong and he squeezed until the creature's neck made an audible crack and and it went limp and then he hipped this heavy bolster from its stand and opened fired uh hip fired the rest and blew the rest of them to death whoa so that that tyranny creature that shy just posted he jumped on its back and with his [ __ ] Giga Giga biceps his his physical thighs for arms just went crack that oh wow I was gonna say I kind of hope they don't [ __ ] because I think they would [ __ ] whatever they were thrusting into into Oblivion no no man remember to be a bloody stump remember this is cottage in women oh well fair if it's a catagen woman I'm sure everything is fine but like if they were just off world and they were just looking for a little action I I think they might kill someone uh I'm just I'm just imagining like the Cabbage should have gone to go dude this would be such a funny joke you get you get a story of the catechin uh to go going to reinforce like a noble planet and then like your your Guardsman Guy starts to get hit on by like the the more um risque like Noble's daughter and then you then you have your sex scene and like she just can't leave the bed physically oh she she like tries to stand up and she has [ __ ] face plants and the floor she's like I can't move I can't move I can't move all my bones are broken what happened no no she just can't feel her legs oh okay gotcha I was going for the humorous funnier one not the murder one I I was I was going [ __ ] I was going for the Grim dark of 40K now let's talk about another another man let's talk about my favorite Imperial Guard characters uh for that I run on the table top he's not very good but I love him his name is Nork dead dog he is a catechin ogren and uh he is I think the most respected and highest ranking ogren that ogre has ever been oh okay he's no leader but he's a bodyguard he's one of the best unquestioning bodyguards ever he's got a full chest of medals which is super cool for an ogren yeah um his and and I know here's another quote um the sergeant major asked me what my job was and I said it was too uh do what I was told he said I was a genius and gave me another medal I liked the Imperial God that's such an o-grink there's a story I read about him in the in the Codex where his commanding officer was uh getting eaten by a malloc which uh if I could post a picture of a malloc it's my it's my favorite tiered and model uh there's a lot of favorites I say everything's my favorite but this time I mean it um the Bingo cartoon if Brookie says something is his favorite that's gotta be one of the spots right if it isn't it should be because I do that a lot I know um but there's a malloc and the there's the malloc yeah big boy those are [ __ ] that's there's a towel beneath it oh my oh my God they're sh oh moloks are a lot bigger than I thought they were I didn't see those towel under there holy [ __ ] yeah the models are also enormous close range towel they're getting so [ __ ] yeah uh but the the uh there was like a general or like a like a commanding officer that Nork was supposed to protect and it was getting eaten by the molok and it was like halfway down its throat and it was like [ __ ] screaming for his help and apparently the general was kind of a [ __ ] but norc is is loyal so it's like I'm a common boss and he [ __ ] like runs up backhands like a termagon shoots a few shots at the at the malloc and then runs up really fast and it head butts the [ __ ] out of the malloc any headbutts is so hard one of its mandibles breaks and it breaks a tooth off oh and it screams in pain and he reaches into the thing's mouth and grabs his General and pulls him out and his half of his body has been digested already so he's like missing his legs but then he like slams him on his back and he starts chugging the direction he's like I got your boss I do vague to remember you telling me that story and probably the tyranid episode he literally has an ability in game called thunderous headbutt well I mean if he if he headbutted a molok and broke off one of its mandibles he he better he better have a special rule that gives him an Omega head butt he's got a good model too actually I like his model he is a Derpy looking [ __ ] isn't it oh he's super ugly he's an ogren that's true what's the uh what's the little a hat skull speaker on his shoulder for I think it might be just a yellow at him orders that's what his master just yells orders at him through it that's great because it does happen so it does it might I'm not quite sure but I think so cool that is that is kind of a dope mini though holy [ __ ] I didn't read this part about Nork Nork was selected by the school of projectium to serve in the astrum militarum due to his ability to write his name n is for nor n is for Nork being able to count to four and speak fluently and understand orders without hesitation a rare milestone in ogre and developments oh wow I didn't know that that's so good oh poor ogre that's so funny what a genius he can count all the way up to four wait the the site wait hold up um well he was assigned to a commissar name or no to a guy named Colonel Grace Grace was vocally warlike as a connection officer but he was old and frail because he's old um so he would Bellow his orders from the shelter of nork's massive frame he'd just hide behind him while he's mowing down people with his Ripper gum uh and the sight of the colonel and The ogren Bodyguard became a familiar one through their four year long campaign where the bone thin Colonel would balling out his orders while shells burst around him and bullets sometimes Rico shade off Nork skull wow ogren's are our beefy boys dude it Bulls are ricocheting off of his skull then yeah I I guess they are just a smidge on the beef side they're technically tougher than I think some Marines like like in in the game um Marines have strength and toughness of four ogren have five and like custodians have five oh so he's as strong as a so they're as strong as well in they have the same stats in game oh okay it's not the same but you know just just to kind of give some examples all right let's talk about slime marble all right let's talk about slime marbo OTS everybody's been waiting for you know it uh catch an episode where's slime Sly memes yep if I hear one question one of a person ask about Rylan or we delay Rylan or Episode by another month oh that's right we have we have a clock running on Rylan or and the blood Angel so if you mention Rylan or uh another month gets added if you don't make me tap the signs yeah another month gets added so if you really want them you should stop asking for them um quotes Sly marble not from him but someone else a classified transmission is segmentum solar High command my lords this man is a menace he disregards Minotaur regulations he redacted seemingly at will he only answers to redact him were it not for the gruesome death toll he exacts upon the emperor's foes I would recommend redactive yet he is a deadly living weapon he has wrought Butchery on zenos and Heretics alike from redacted to redacted he was directly responsible for the redacted incident and on tarloth he got a little over 300 enemy combatants using nothing but a redacted unconventional yes heretical verging on it yet through his actions Garson marble rescued not only the governor's household but also in retrospect the entire war effort my lords after long consideration I can only recommend that you approve the deployment of Garson marble to redacted and thank the emperor that he is on our side damn that's a lot of redacted he is at one of the most he is one of the cation devils and arguably the most fearsome and he is full on a one-man Army he goes solo he does things solo he he kills a bunch of people he blows up he like mines a road and he disappears into the world without anything and he has an absolute garbage Mini uh he has many actually many is better than some but it's not great no look at that Derpy ass faces because you got the cigar he's like [Music] um so marbo is okay so only one person Colonel Troutman his mentor and original commanding officer knows the detail of his past that he was one of ten brothers that were inducted into the regiment and that during an orc wa on ryza all were killed with a tail about a lone Guardsman returning back to ryza or whatever returning there two weeks later with the head of the orc warlord with a single Bullet Hole clearly visible between their eyes wow marbo gained further Renown when he fought off a Dark Eldar incursion a small Garrison of Guardsmen were stationed at the planet and were greatly outnumbered by the the Dark Eldar and were overrun and there were horrible horrible details of the long nights of torture yada yada however Colonel trotman led the rescue and eventually found Sly marbo standing alone and armed only with his knife covered from head to toe in Alien Blum surrounded by destroyed Vehicles piles of alien bodies and the dark eldar's archon impaled on a spike whoa uh I'll be honest if I was in a Guardsman regimen I would not want to be posted where Sly marble was posted because chances are he's gonna be the only one that survives the concept he's kind of a joke at this point in the sense that he he's a legend among like like among the cation are similar to in the Canadians they they talk of a la ilanius piece the man who stood before Horus the guardsmith stood up to Horus before the sanguineous death or whatever um and then and so Sly marble is their their guy yeah you know it was just a meme he's a Chuck Norris meme well in in the world of of us and our jokes he is but he has like this is not necessarily memes these are things he has done yeah I don't I think it's because everything like sounds so over the top with him right like well he's like the only one surviving a Dark Eldar thing and he has an archon impaled and it all seems a little it seems a little much it seems a little like a little try Hardy yeah whereas like the uh the one that stood up to Horus it's not like he had any astronomical superpowers it's not like you know uh he killed Horus and the emperor he's just a dude that stood up to someone doing the wrong thing for the emperor right and he still got killed but he's the one to spurn the emperor to you know you're not my son you know Sly marble is more of a the the question kind of comes down to to what extent were these things true because it was mainly only this Colonel traubman guy and he could have probably you know spun a lot of these stories almost entirely for morale purposes the concept is that maybe take every Sly marble thing with some form of grain assault but the point is that he's a legend to look up to for the cation men ah so he's like the propaganda poster for the catagen he's still a badass yeah but you know the the concept is there you could believe that he does everything he does or you cannot the point is that Sly marble as a character is mysterious one-man Army who is regardless of your thoughts on him very good at his job yeah I I know he's super popular so I'm probably about to get a lot oh no that no one knows no one should care that much about it he's just a funny guy I don't say that but it's it's yeah it's the internet the fastest way to a man's heart is with Sly marbo's blade hey play marble doesn't take doesn't shower he takes bloodbaths Lord Lord usakar Creed where Sly marble pajamas ah if at first you don't succeed you're not Sly Marvel you're clearly not Sly marble I've heard that one yeah Sly marble doesn't go to sleep he just Waits Sly marble has won a staring contest with a necron that's that's pretty good since they don't blink Gilman keeps an inspirational pic of Sly marble with him at all times in his wallet I could actually believe that one the uh Sly marble threw a grenade and killed five Orcs And then it exploded black armor wears Sly larva for protection is this gonna be the whole end of the episode Sly marble does it doesn't have a shadow because he scared it off [Music] the official name for exterminatus is Sly Marvel oh my God Sly marble sleeps the pillow under his gun Sai marbo poked the warp in in through the eye of Terror um how many of these are there slime marble does not go hunting because hunting implies the possibility of failure by Marvel goes killing oh no it never ends [Music] [Music]

Channel: Adeptus Ridiculous

Views: 334,104

Keywords: warhammer, wh40k, warhammer 40000, grimdark, tabletop, comedy, games workshop, lore, 40k lore, catachan, adeptus ridiculous

Id: k5ESsdXziwU

Length: 60min 28sec (3628 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 22 2021