British Slang Doesn’t Make Any Sense - Chris Distefano

it's great get all different kinds of people it's beautiful you know the part of berkland I'm from like nobody really even travels like nobody gets off the block you know you're like oh Chris made it to the intersection yeah that's good yeah but I travel get to see stuff with this job you get to go see stuff but like and things like I don't know a lot like I kind of know a lot but we don't learn as much as we should like news doesn't get to Brooklyn sometimes like I went to England and I was like oh this will be great this is where they invented English I'll speak the language I know the language and it'll be easy but wrong different words mean different things nobody told me that like last name is not last name when you get there they switch it surname I don't know that I get to the UK border like what just saw name it was like Sir Christopher does that for now I was like Brooklyn night you know the [ __ ] I am give me all your finest meats and cheeses thank you it's what they do to change the th to an F and then your British thank you thank you brilliant they love that word over there oh it's brilliant this is brilliant it's brilliant that's a high honor of a word in the u.s. you can't just run around and say should I do is brilliant you know I'll get emotional but over there I'm looking at helm the sky look at him a dead ferret isn't that brilliant I was like isn't that heroin I mean he's on crystal meth I mean he's petting a dead animal legit in public let's pick a new word I didn't regroup I mean it's the opposite you guys are smart people but like this is not you know they don't call liquor liquor though : it's spirits nobody told me that my friend was like eh you want to cover my place come on we have loads of spirits it's like yeah I'm not going to your haunted [ __ ] house all right pump right Nigel no thank you let's just eat a Fig Newton Norway I went to Norway that was nuts [ __ ] was blowing my mind in Norway that really shouldn't blow my mind like I should no no but it was I was sitting in a restaurant waiter comes over he's like oh would you like reindeer me I was like reindeer that's a real animal what do you mean reindeer you have reindeer flying around yes I would yeah can I have dragon soup till yeah I want to eat [ __ ] Narnia yeah let's do it fart pixie dust chore I'll do it serve yeah then he got an attitude with me this guy can you believe I swear it's Ryan from he goes yeah stupid American looks like spen watch your mouth okay you're from Norway I'm from America cuz I'm just with it back to back World War champs don't forget that shot okay just don't forget I'll take the reindeer and fly them home where they're free okay I'll make the reindeers great again no you want to do a little fist pump at that but I know you didn't look now I'm in the wrong spot gosh whatever shouldn't you know where everything's history you know we'll go history history a part of history history it's a lie though like I went to UM President George Washington's house first president United States father freedom that's what they called him the father freedom and what to his house they show you all of her father freedoms living room here's the father freedoms kitchen and then like this is the father freedom slave barracks like father freedom had slaves okay I would have never voted for him frankly I'd say I ain't about that life Benjamin Franklin that's who the first president should have been no slaves was against yep just syphilis that's what he had that would sit yeah he was like I don't insulate people I enslaved that [ __ ] but I don't yeah just [ __ ] man's man somebody hitting the skins all up and down the 13 colonies yeah that's why his faces on the hundred dollar bill there was no debate about that deal if you gets the Hondo forgetting the punani in the name of America you earned it he was a smartest man America to offer could have easily invented a condom he said no Thank You Benny Frank keeps it wet okay how'd your girl playa you know chapstick you good good beer dude it's a good beer are you a barista what do you look like that then you have barista face no but it's fine though but you work in what do you work at the Apple Store what do you work in tech yeah yeah that's tech face yeah you're good you live in the new Brooklyn you don't why do you have a ponytail are you in a band why the [ __ ] do you look like that then I don't understand what do you do you work at a flea market startup yeah sorry bright started yeah all right where's the where's the best acai ball place yeah you know yeah you guys are together okay you want to be keyed up no I'm sorry I by the way I called you dude in the beginning I did not mean to assume your gender I apologize because I know I did not I apologize for using if I use the wrong pronoun to offend you my bad pronoun I would love for somebody to say that to my dad use the wrong pronoun but what's up wrong now what's that like a noun in the NBA pronoun is crazy dude I know I knew it listen well them good I knew straight white guys were going down I knew it about three four years ago I said uh-oh times up that's that's when I started using times up I know that's why I have a Puerto Rican daughter I did it for my career oh yeah anytime anybody's like what do you have to say you straight white male piece of [ __ ] I'm like have you met Julia alright guys have a nice night thank you very much you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 2,448,117

Keywords: Chris Distefano, Size 38 Waist, Chris Distefano comedian, Chris Distefano stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, comedian, Brooklyn, New York City, travel, England, British, Britain, language, words, English, American, Norway, reindeer, America, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, president, slaves, syphilis, gender, pronoun, white men, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, best comedy, best stand up

Id: CTvmd70Of5c

Length: 6min 16sec (376 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 14 2019