Bill Burr Roasting People for 10 Minutes Straight

you like when feminists go like oh and they have like their missiles these dick shaped things and blah blah and i'm always thinking like well there is physics and aerodynamics and all that involved like if you have it shaped like a [ __ ] i don't think it's gonna matter i think it's gonna make it to another country unless you frisbee it right and even then that gap's gonna [ __ ] be a lot of drag um while people are talking about eating fake [ __ ] that was before i don't want to be responsible for that i didn't but it was in the flowers before we shut up jesus [ __ ] christ is that a rolex yes it is i finally bought one 25 years in this business is it white gold or stainless i don't know what it is is it heavy no then it's stainless oh is that what it is thank you thank you for taking my watch down a notch i finally felt successful you see this you wouldn't say that if i had brown or black hair i guarantee you blonde hair you'd be over here giving me your watch dude the me too movement has killed the [ __ ] my wife will not suck my dick on her knees ever again never will happen because your stomach is pushing down her [ __ ] neck her face is tilted back like this on her four edges it's like going down in an eight foot pool down at the bottom and not clearing your ears i feel bad for your wife you know what i because the older guys robert kelly's and all they all call you billy colin calls you billy but i [ __ ] bill i'm just immediately noticing that i don't know about the chain if it's if it's thick enough to be that one that level of confidence yeah it's more of a necklace on the chains out yeah he has on a fat chick ankle bracelet around his [ __ ] neck the greatest thing about show like say like stand-up comedy is it's one of the like if you go to prison it's hard to get a job but like you can walk out of prison and do an open mic within the first week and people will put you on they won't give a [ __ ] dude they'd be like dude you should wear your [ __ ] orange jumpsuit you killed somebody do you should talk about that that'd be funny like they wouldn't give a [ __ ] i thought you were laughing you were [ __ ] yawning over here no the mushrooms are [ __ ] killing me man i knew it wasn't just weed i was just like there's no way i'm taking a hit off of that there's something going on here mushrooms baby the shrooms i'm streaming [Laughter] he's shrooming and he's wearing pants like he went riding a horse today like side saddle or some [ __ ] i'm to tell you how i discovered you i you know i i do my whole career to you yeah i was i was struggling until no obviously not covered not discover you in terms of like you did it on your own obviously but no in terms of my my awareness of you oh can i tell you that story i remember it was a big day in my career bobby lee is finally aware of me am i on bobby lee's radar see this is what he's gonna do this is when things start to happen i'm not gonna allow this to that reversal i'm not yeah i'm not gonna allow this to happen very soon yeah yeah i'm just gonna plug away you know what i mean listen you can talk to him all you want i can hear it did you guys see the picture of donald watching his wife vote a lot of trust in that relationship a part of me dies every time i go into a store and i see something they go can we get a phone number watching somebody give them the phone number why would you do that yeah i always give the same miners all area codes they go what's your phone number i'm like three two three eight one eight two one two five we've never taken a break in the middle of a gas station i know i had all this momentum going on i got to start all over again go ahead go to the card see this we won game one here comes the second of the double header if i could work with anybody dead or alive i'd want to work with i don't i don't want to work i want to be home the white ones are dollars these are 10 the green ones these are 25 the red ones and these are 100 the black one in a progressive move the white chip is worth the least i fly a lot and there's this whole new thing of generation of people that take their socks and their shoes off on the plane you got to look at their smelly feet and then they'll literally stand up and they will walk into a commercial airline bathroom yeah use it and then walk and sit back down again that's not right yeah if i was a dictator those people will be eliminated you really are the whitest person i've ever seen yes served me well i've never worked for anything yeah i was born on a yacht it's just all been downhill i don't even mean it and i don't mean it in a a genetic way i mean like i do you i'm talking full-on white privilege [Laughter] i was stunned when i first heard about white privilege i had no idea what it was like everybody doesn't get to do this this dude is knocking it out of the park he's one of my favorites here is bill burr look at you how are you oh i know you did the audience applause for everybody yeah there he is come on keep it going it was really uh you know you relate to adults differently people that you knew forever and i always hate it when somebody who didn't have a kid goes you don't get it man you don't get it do you have and i was like [ __ ] you i get it it's like a having a dog but it's more intense i love the racist white guy thing a bunch of racist white guys they came out of the forest and they were just going trump truck trump it's like where were all these racist white guys the last two elections when they could have voted against the black guy they were fine oh i don't mind the black guy but this white lady we gotta stop gonna take her [Music] four-wheelers every time i see you something great has happened to you yeah this case yeah the redstone won the world series yeah i know i know i'm not rubbing it in i'm not one of those guys i don't i'm a mets fan anyway so you could rub it in if you like i don't i don't do that i don't go to the stadium posing stadium where the other teams oh you know stuff you know running around and look at the crowd and do that whenever i see that i'm just like that guy should get kicked out of him like in a perfect world that happens i used to wear stuff the opposing team stuff because i'm you know i moved away from boston but i just got sick of it and it's not even being in the stands it's when you go to the bathroom that's the worst yeah some guy knows yeah you go out to the bathroom they wait till you know you're doing your thing and then they push you in they take out their childhood on you and you got this bullseye on your head and it's just like why am i doing this what am i steven seagal i'm going to he made that movie right i think he made a movie like that so i'm just like i i am a very courteous fan so if somebody said i had blood in my stool they don't actually see blood they see it's black right so the higher up in your um gi the black what sort of background do you have i was a nurse oh okay so yeah wow wow because you really came off like i was like no this happens a lot on podcast all of a sudden i'm listening to a comedian like telling me how my liver works i'm just like wait a minute who the [ __ ] are you okay i'm sorry all right so you're a nurse all right look around most people are weird-looking look at me i'm 100 white dude i'm a weird looking dude you know what i mean the the best dogs are mixed dogs they're the chillest dogs i'm telling you you're right you're absolutely right on that yeah that's why that's why although that over there in england the the royal family that's why they're all so weird looking they're all banging in the same pool they're like a bunch of dalmatians that can talk right you're whatever incognito you're an enigma what because i make a pie no you know what it is you're not a good listener you've known me for 10 years you have no idea who i am it's all about comedy with you and moving up the ladder and pushing people off now is this are you getting out of an existing house and uh i'm going from a one-bedroom apartment and i figured i'd finally go out and buy a damn house and not have to deal with you know some jerk living above me or below me all right you know yeah do my own little thing get my little 12 gauge get a bunch of cans of tuna get ready for the apocalypse that's what i want to do you just ignore them it's like three days they flip out for three days they try to bully you into an apartment you can't ignore them when they're right in the audience and you're playing to them you tell them to shut the [ __ ] up yeah believe me trump's winning new hampshire hillary's winning uh virginia really and there's a little kid here yeah somebody decided it was a good idea somebody please take a photo of this last supper that's how you end it there we go right there oh my there we go where's the camera right there you see that this is what the [ __ ] i do

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 1,301,781

Keywords: bill burr roasting people, bill burr savage moments, bill burr thug life, funniest moments, bill burr trolling people, bill burr roasting celebrities, bill burr, best of bill burr, bill burr funniest moments, bill burr roasting women, bill burr women, like a boss, 2021, laughplanet, laugh planet, laughplanet bill burr

Id: 2QkqjDBSyaI

Length: 9min 34sec (574 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 17 2021