Bill Burr EMBARRASSING Show Hosts for 13 Minutes Straight

[Applause] I'm not related to my next guest but we fight like siblings please welcome brilliant comedian who I love to Pieces but who makes me [ __ ] crazy Bill Burr thanks I thought we got along great no we love each other but you have to we always fight we fight often no cuz I go on stage and then you try to correct my jokes I don't try to correct your jokes what if you said if the woman did this because of this that was one time but and I admit I was being aggressive micro it was a micro aggress micro aggressive yeah sometimes I read interviews with you and you talk about everything you hate and if you added it all up you would get me but somehow we love each other am I correct in saying that I think that you love me cuz every time we fight as I'm driving home I get a text from you that says you know I love you right and I go yeah I love you too that isn't me I've never I've never said you know I are you [ __ ] serious well my memory isn't good but I don't remember doing that I'll show you I what you say I can't believe you're no text just exist guys I press save on my text what kind of phone do you have no I like delete them after a while what are you saving it for you delete texts yeah oh I never do because all our friends die and then it's all you have left how many of you had die I'm up I count I have a huge list 30 30 yeah get something funny out of that that's what you do I'm not good at that not good in the M all right I do like you and I just I always feel like you're frustrated with me I [ __ ] love you look at my posture right now I'm like I'm as far over into this chair as I can possibly be I just feel like to hurt you came here to hang out and have a good time and you just like like that intro was just like yeah it was I thought you'd like that I [ __ ] hate this guy's a douchebag but he came down in I that's how I heard it I think that's how you hear a lot of things I do like you like me but we can be different still like each other yeah I mean like I like to I don't like being told what to do but I do like changing with the times or something I don't really resist that I feel like you resist that a little more but ultimately you do change with the times okay you thought I was wrapping it up I [ __ ] ripped another no I I feel like with you there's this person you want me to be so you you keep telling me that I'm this [ __ ] guy that I'm not who's the guy you think I think you are I I don't know I don't know who sent you those texts going [ __ ] post them no I won't okay I remember driving home and when you being like you know I love you and I was like I love you too does not ring a bell at all when the way you just did it it did this was one of my favorite interviews I had a great time that can't be true oh I liked how weird it got oh good yeah well all right how about this for weird thank you Bill Burr for coming on my thank you thank you for having me the great Bill Burr here today I don't know about great give me somewhere the greatest greatest the greatest the greatest guy sitting across from right now what what is this you've probably heard this a lot that people say that dentists are like high rate of suicide what is is there something to that have you heard that uh yeah I think everybody heard that growing up but I never knew one that I've never known one that killed himself so yeah did you f well it sounds like it was stressful but not suicidal yeah obviously yeah he never killed himself yeah if that's what you're asking nobody killed themselves yet is this the Oprah part where you're going to try to get me to cry yeah well I got nothing about it one night yeah yeah I just thought that was interesting thing it seems like you're in love with your daughter hearing you talk about her on the podcast Jesus CHR well you're pretty perceptive think a care about your own child I listen more than that okay because again you you're this character you gush you gush over your daughter not everyone gushes did your dad gush over you uh I mean I was too little yeah no my dad was my dad actually at work did at work that's when I learned like oh my God yeah he really likes us and when he came home yeah he was cracking the whip your bed mate you do your studies well why not you know that [ __ ] and uh he also had a zillion kids so I mean yeah really how many siblings you have I don't know dude the internet's too [ __ ] weird to give out all that information oh you don't even want to say how many because you're afraid that it will talking about it is there anybody you can cut this out I'm honest dude like yeah no dude yeah there's [ __ ] lunatics out there okay well off the year off the year I'll come all right jeez I I love how surprised he is Jesus you can mention the amount absolutely AB crazy people I don't know why that's kind so flat uh on my part tell me about uh all things comedy I don't know you see I'm nervous I'm sweating here I'm just going to let you sit I know you you don't have to save me you you got to push through to the other side know but you don't look at you you're all sweaty you're touching dude if you were a lever right if you were a lever on the other team I'd have come out and check you for Vaseline or something you touched your your a little too many times he's doctor in the ball sh all right regroup here you get on stage you talk about topics that are kind of taboo but you make them really really funny so your Christian background is is part of the the show I wanted to talk to you about Jesus after this well I the only reason why I bring it up is some people thought maybe you went a little too far you know as far as what well they thought that maybe you were being disrespectful to the Christian religion I'm telling you you need to Google oh good lord do you feel you were being disrespectful or just you you were just having fun with some of the crucifixes and stuff like that I don't even know what I mean we did maybe two jokes about that yeah exactly don't you think the Catholic Church went a little too far more so than my cartoon all right listen a couple of jokes I know this is a morning show you can't bring up all those crimes you know what techically they just they just sort of kept moving them around you know like those killer whales at SeaWorld after it kills a trainer they'll then move it up to Seattle they don't give them background all right I'm not totally following but I don't think I you know what I'm talking about it's a Morning Show I understand is this how in uh did you is in Boston where do you live now I live in Los Angeles Angeles frightening place to live yeah yeah dollar crashing City technically has no water supply you know yeah the zombies are coming so I've been thinking about getting a gun oh my God I know people don't like it but you got to what am I supposed to to make a get a windmill right and start growing zucchini and then what all I'm doing is just growing that for the strongest guy in the block you know oh zuc no I'm serious I've been going to gun stores and uh oh my God I have and these rednecks are all telling me the same thing cuz I didn't grow up with guns so they're just going all right you never had a gun you want to get yourself a shotgun it's got a great spread that's what they keep saying it's got a great spread you don't even got to aim it you got a problem you so whip around get the guy right I'm sitting there I'm like dude I just want to shoot the guy I don't have to do like a bunch of drywall work reframe my diploma so do are you at uh are you with your girlfriend uh living in yes I am I'm technically married but I'm married how like I want to be married yeah which is I don't sign that Behind the Music contract where you know everything works out until it doesn't work out yeah no you see sugar shet mosy one of the greatest boxers of all time he's losing his championship belt in a divorce that's losing yeah it's like you're trying to break a man why does she want those right break they go with their shoes you know no and I love how when you get a divorce all of a sudden it costs like 50 Grand a month to give a kid Froot Loops guys I'm telling you is an epidemic of Gold Digging [ __ ] in this country and it is just not being addressed on any level what are you talking what do you mean what am I talking about every guy out there is just getting nobody's safe my nobody safe football players actors politicians nobody and they never get called horse Arnold Schwarzenegger's maid is still called the maid in the story she knew his wife on a first name basis hooked up with this dude in their bed and is still called the maid why didn't she bang him why because of that 1987 flat top He Still rocking right you don't think it's because of that Kindergarten Cop money he's got lay around I'm not and listen I'm not condoning what the man did but you know there just needs to be guys need to be educated there's nothing out there to help a guy handle because rich and famous for that that that platoon of [ __ ] that's going to come over the hill like like Braveheart faces P skirt on just yes there's nothing out there no it's like guys never learn how to keep themselves in check Society does it for you yeah just women aren't going to bang you cuz you drive the forklift at Home Depot right despite the fact that you want to bang all of them they're not going to do it so you didn't keep yourself in check the forklift job did right then all of a sudden you hit a lot the lottery you know yeah and then you can just give into all of that like I don't I'm so sick of all these trolls coming on TV judging these Great Men these Great Men all these guys anytime one of these guys gets caught for screwing around these guys come waddling out of their cubicles with their jbls absolutely reprehensible Behavior like they have any idea what it's like to be tempted at that level you know yeah as you walk over to your Ford Focus are you really beating these women off of you all those people who judge Tiger Woods how many people he golf when was the last time you walked off the 18th hole and there was a busload of Scandinavian women waiting to hump your brains out and you like sorry ladies you know like I said thank you you guys Bill his enjoy him while you can get him you know I was reading a little bit about you and it says that you have a tendency to kind of go with your first thought yeah because reading makes you sleepy that's right my first thought is this is the best week to be here the week before the Super Bowl that is so true before all the [ __ ] flying you know yeah just want to get out just want to get out of here before that what it's true this is like the Oscars for prostitutes okay all right this entire week let's remember we're too rated here folks all right so we're going to go back to a safer subject because as you know I'm sorry I know this is National blueberry pancake day right I'm sure you woke up and that was the first thing on on your mind absolutely so I want to give you a little quiz a little test all right because you can't look at my script but okay there are some very famous serial box icons and I want you to be able to look at some of these characters and see if you can determine which cereal It's associated with if you get it right you'll hear this if you get it wrong you'll hear this oh jeez okay okay let's look at our first one you're going to see the monitor down here let's look at our first one here okay oh it's behind us sorry about that oh it's behind us yes who's that that's my uncle no it's not although you do resemble him who is that that is for redheads that is a racist uh symbol right there that's like the uh the the the Quaker mix guy no that's the uh Lucky Charms bam look at that good for you okay I thought I didn't drink last night yeah right next let's see who okay who's that that's the uh that's the Trix bunny yes wired out of his mind yes he is a little on the wired side when they didn't care what kids ate remember that that's true I think we have two more let's see what's next all right this guy can you see him yeah that's the uh oh that's one of the founding fathers who said that all men are created equal as long as they're white right isn't that what it is one of those guys no it's not it's the Quaker Oats man Centennial Froot Loops guy no it's not but speaking of that let's see do we have another one or is that it oh oh that is uh Johnny matys it looks like the cover of that Christmas album he had no sorry

Channel: Fans of Bill Burr

Views: 53,922

Keywords: bill burr, podcast, monday morning podcast, Fans of Bill Burr

Id: j0P7RatJpmA

Length: 13min 21sec (801 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 25 2024