Theo Von Is Good & Plenty | TigerBelly 252

I'm your first guess on what in our new iron-on [ __ ] newspaper oh oh you trapped now oh man are your ankles the tops are so hard I wish they made a software nipple on the beverage you know took them out but yeah think about it they could make up look how hard that is yeah but if I saw a woman with that kind of titty though with that shape I will not suck it with you you did you got them out yeah on one on what you do with them yeah you do hey I'll take one I'll take one I put one of them I sack my left sack I don't want to breasts at my house that are someone else's you know if it took a Bobby I'm not gonna have somebody wife's breast implant with that if I don't ask them yeah yeah but I bet I bet you can't I see if you held on to it long enough you catch the vibe of you yeah could you put in silico could you put somebody else's breast in your breasts no but could I go like if Dolly Parton died and [ __ ] and go eh can you donate when you die and we'll put your breast into my breast yeah I don't know if they can inject someone else's like fat or tissue into you I'm not saying in jag dog I'm saying just surgically [ __ ] implant so I'll have the Czar's the Franken scars I don't give a [ __ ] dude and I love Dolly Parton's tits I'll have a guitar I could buy might be a lovely little sing a tune ha ha are you getting greedy I am yeah or I'll just take the brush then man I'm not the [ __ ] out of the musical talent you know yeah do you think if John Mayer jerks off on your back he [Laughter] yeah you changed the [ __ ] Gordy of James oh you changed before that yeah just for mine yeah you become [ __ ] distant to me man well it's because you freakin built your it's 10 feet bro you see you were at the lockers dude you were at one point at the lockers like you gotta bring him in look because I couldn't see it we're in between that space yeah you're a metal bar really yes we brought you forward dude so uh let's start and then um don't talk from now on I know you already talked well this is more dangerous than aids to kovin wall of it whatever let's talk about it when I bring you up or huh yeah yeah yeah write that down more dangerous than it more dangerous yeah here we go five four three two one right sorry go on start over my bad I thought that I was on my podcast [Music] four three two [Music] welcome to another episode hey pop pop I've been doing that lately I've been doing that Whitney pop-up butter and she's [ __ ] [ __ ] traumatic responses from it I only don't like I I like it when she's does it not when you sit up don't eat all your money to giraffes don't talk yeah [ __ ] yeah yeah so Bo I'm [ __ ] excited because you're about to piss me off bro I can't get my bump up I got Eve uptown dude what dude I'm so excited because um we we've moved over to the garage and so that we could have guests so we're gonna have distance let me introduce everyone in the room by the way by the by you know we've got white white George came on the house ha and I haven't had white white here working with us for a while praise good to see you man praise praise the Lord bro PTL baby all right we got [ __ ] flat flat yep yeah white white we got flat flat it's good to see you too man great to see you capped and it's good to see you on the [ __ ] battlefield my friend yes sir war zone or zone baby zone thousand twenty all day every day dawg and then we've got my beautiful arm kalila my princess yeah my left hand woman mm-hmm and then um you know we have a guest our first guest you know in since quarantine and I'm gonna [ __ ] you can snore all you want bro but like whenever I think about god this guy right here I saw pumps in my head I want right now okay carry on my wayward son there'll be peace when you are done lay your weary head to rest don't you cry no that's what I think of man I think of that I think of a guy who you know not a lot of people call me during the corn you know I've had maybe three people one of them I don't want to talk about but you know me but this guy's called me on quarantine to check to see how I've been doing and you know it's really good to connect with uh you know him and I have a very oh my god and when I have dude I would see you know why did I come though do I have a CA my man bro it's like you know I haven't seen anybody really I think aside from Santino you're the first comedian I've seen in flesh oh yeah oh no no yeah that's it yeah I haven't seen the Cummings or nothing yeah so how about a round of applause for my buddy feels defeat how about run applause for my body feel Theo von Theo von the OVA you're tight cuz yeah so bro good to see you do you too man thanks for having me man it's good to be here yeah and it's good to see you guys you know it's good to know that you guys are alive and then everybody's doing good you know yeah and I like the way you got this set up over here the whites and uh you know in the non-white he know baby you know everyday everyday men from the dirt from the dark side of the island now I dunno I oh dude only sunlight on here there man why the ILA he's from it's an eclipse the northern Pinoy baby yeah it's like that one [ __ ] vampire movie remember that one thirty days a night or whatever bro no that 28 it was like 30 days of night you never seen Dracula enough [ __ ] Dracula man with a diesel it's been diesel no in it who are you talking about there was a movie called 30 days a night whatever was of Riddick no not Chronicles of Riddick Beatty days of night yeah and it was basically dude it was in the last inning room you remember it Owen are you talking about yeah yeah and that one dude what's his name the white gold rush no gold not gold rush bro Rucker took my gold boy Josh her net wasn't it Josh Hartnett was it that's my boy dude Josh Garnett and in [ __ ] 30 Days of Night Man all fought bro you know what happens what because you know there's only sunlight certain times at certain times you know I mean like you know me like in this was it wintertime the sunlight don't come out no more man solstice they say I think so solstice dude and so then all of a sudden you know you know because vampire surfer blade that was a Wesley nice night during the day man mm-hmm because he is what a day Walker is what they call them right but in 30 days of night bro now regular vampires you know even the immigrant ones whoa whoa I'm like a stretch are you talking about almost on [Laughter] cuz this movies like merging in a different movie but I know I'm saying is is that the regular ones dude now they can walk around during the day because it's night anyway because it's always [ __ ] night right so it makes it even more scary cuz you know when you have vampires in your area right if you don't know this we could hang out you know yeah during the days because they don't hang out during the day don't like sunlight they're like Andrew Santino no it's not like The Lost Boys but then like you know anyway I don't know why we even got into that [ __ ] thing bro but but yeah but but yeah what I'm saying what he's saying is ladies and gentlemen Theo von that's what I yeah volume of another honorable man dude I feel like I'm at the weirdest barbershop ever yeah so do you just gosh I was like is anybody know one of the [ __ ] has two stars I feel like that's something we should hash out right mullet vs. mullet deal mm-hmm well there's a you know I'll be honest when there's no hash out to be happen you know it's like you know a friend of mine who's right showing it you always relax in it oh yeah that native this is more native yeah my mine is definitely a little bit more British one guy with a drum in front of me you know yeah I thought of me dude somebody throws something somebody throws a frickin pineapple over your shoulder or something somebody yeah somebody throws a spear yeah so many cars you up and makes a [ __ ] chubby suit you know that's your stuff anyway dude I got this because I was so inspired by your live bro oh thanks man I mean your sexuality didn't even ask me about it you just got it no because I don't think I need to ask it's like you know but what if back in the 80s dude when like people got parachute pants mm-hmm right my body Ramone hmm got parachute pants oh yeah yeah Eddie was he's him and he was like and he was like pop rock in and [ __ ] right I didn't call him a go hey can I buy those two and do the same moves no I just I've made my mom go to Nordstrom's yeah I got the ones with the most pockets that's one way to do it man you know I think though if I would have said like hey I want to you know put on a little put on a couple pounds you know and maybe chop chop a couple inches out of each one of my legs you know what if I want to do that you know what if I want to you know what if I want to kind of make myself look like I had just at the very end of a sneeze you know then batting call you first yeah like I just that's the only thing I thought of let me think about that you know well you know Touche yeah to say to you well right right on my guard and Touche okay and good day sir okay all right but what I want to reiterate back to you doing is is I could have I could have done this mmm then bleached my skin right and then taking some brain cells out of my brain right philosophical ideas about life yeah right and then I could have added a couple of inches to my legs mm-hmm right got a truck mm-hmm right and then peed on your lawn like you just peed on mine earlier yeah I had to pee that's why what happened or did you pee on a plan a little bit on the concrete but not that huh so mostly plan so as long as it was you know absorbent it's fine yeah yeah that's that concrete looks pretty absorbent yeah yeah I think yeah so what you're saying to me is I should have called you yeah said hey buddy the next time I see you yeah I we look alike then right but yours is different than mine yours is much more like of the it's more Mowgli I feel like you know I'm saying his is just more you know more like oh like missing-person style ah like an 80s kind of synth band yes I'm like that this guy's Oh have you seen this guy good luck now I haven't seen him in never seen him you know and they just keep showing the picture around town you know disappear no educate me yeah he was the lead singer of missing persons for a second you're talking about right I think you're talking about Mowgli missing pert I thought missing persons was the 80s band you were talking about Mowgli was the lead singer of missing person sorry man yeah that was my bad though it's both of our bad dude I can't believe we get into conversations because [Music] I know that's what our conversations are like on the phone oh it's only yeah we talked about we were talking about I'm like here the phone can Olympics yeah the phone cut out you're like we don't we have conversations well we have a media we should be talking at the common store we don't really know what we're talking about yeah yeah it's limited it's very limited well Bobby's a hit and-run conversational and stuff on a lot of times he'll get in the okay up say a couple things couple this that right and then he's gone he's off to the next is that I think with just about including me I tapped on he has like a limit to how much he's going to time investment hmm he's out yeah in fact you know I go to zoom AAA meetings mhm and dude I've seen you in one yeah I saw you dude you were making me laugh oh my god well why draw bro yeah I've been to in my lifetime I've probably been to a hundred thousand a mmm-hmm I've laughed maybe twice like truly laughed this dude because in zoom ones right all I did was I just switched to his camera even when other people are talking right what a lurker I was working on you bro all the people were like talk you know you know other people are sharing right I know yeah or whatever right but I have just do on the thing and just watching him listening mm-hmm he was making me laugh so hard bro you'd be doing like this with your hands well yeah I get fired up some of the people shares I know you were like into it but it was making he wasn't purposely making me laugh it's just the way he listens it's humorous yeah it's hard to listen it's hard to listen for a long time I feel like in a row you know no dude some of those a meetings do you guys take breaks I guess that what they tell isn't that why I like classes are like 50 minutes long because I don't think your brain supposed to work for three-hour stretches this is one that was I on a Monday night where it's a men's one mm-hmm and what you don't like he didn't just say something let's honor with thank you I love you so much what you just listened right oh you just didn't even like okay I'm gonna just be quiet for a second sorry but I'm trying to earn one of those frickin boxed tits y'all got in there you have a box tip you are apologize you're right that is something that I'm trying to work on in therapy and you know I do listen to everything she says right but I'm trying to be more attentive to the things that she says and her feelings and stuff hmm and she has you know and we both she's beautiful points I think she was beautiful he does make beautiful points and he's also a beautiful person into her heart yes if you were alive today he'd be amazed at all these people what I'm gonna say is you know baby baby I can't wait do you know do you know this about Koreans is this a true thing where they take a funeral photo like a funeral portrait before they die hmm like you were saying you were talking as if I was passed away in deceased right would you guys be into that Bobby would Bobby took some pictures when his dead take like you know that you're let's say you're in your 80s and you're coming to the end of your life yeah and so you go into a studio and you take a funeral portrait with your family and all your God children you know what I was holding you up like you're laying in their arms like a cross you're not dying yet but it's your last final regal portrait of all I know I would do one of those 3d mugs or statues you do at the mall now mm-hmm so you go into it you know they have that now at malls it cost thousands of dollars but I would like to be a mug like a coffee mug oh yeah with my family you could get dur me too they had a guy with us when I was growing up who had been who had a family member taxidermied fully taxidermy that's what I want just mounted on someone's wall but I get to choose my pose yeah that's very this guy had been they had their uncle it was he was doing like like like I it was like a yoga pose like it look like he was doing her like yeah like I know like a prayer or like he was gonna do like he was doing part of pattycake you know yeah yeah but he and they caught him like right like that but I remember they had him dead of the head of human man taxidermied I would probably do a pose where it's like I was in a UFC fight okay and somebody gut-punched me mmm and so I'm like you mean like one leg on the ground yeah and I'm flying back right in like this yeah that'd be cool in action yes I want people to know that I was like you know it wouldn't be true it'd be lying right but I was that you were in accident but I was in action you know man when I died if you were terminally ill would you want a funeral before or after you die I think is it really this is a really amazing thing you're saying I'm glad we're listening to you I'm happy with one man yeah okay I just want something the cat can play with in the living ya know but what if we start getting so like in knew ourselves as humans that we start having our funerals before we die that's what she's asking yeah I can see that people do that now wow really yeah yeah I think that that movie would Nicolas Cage the weatherman he does that right with his father or something like that where they do a live funeral when the person is still living so that you get to hear what everyone is but you know your whole family really truly thinks of you from their heart but the problem is that you do the [ __ ] funeral before and then what if you don't die right away yeah and then six months later you're out of Starbucks and some dude that was at your funeral sees you yeah and they're like you know yeah some guys like you and your sister after your funeral you know like hey what are you doing here yeah they kind of guy that tries to bang somebody's ural yeah sicko also I don't want to also a sicko boy yes sick oh man I also don't want my funeral before because what if no one shows up oh no no because if I died right Stevie's gonna freakin show up dude she's gonna go I'm in town I'm gonna go dude people are gonna go alright that's a good question I don't know what my schedule is I understand that but I'm gonna ask you right right now yeah what I want you the honest [ __ ] answer because we're pros right yeah okay I want an honest answers from you okay so what would you cancel right mm-hmm to go to my funeral oh I definitely cancel my own wedding if I had a freaking getting married okay would you cancel let's say you sold out but I canceled my wedding for probably almost anything but let's say you sold out like a 20,000 seat venue but it lands is on the same day as my funeral would you cancel that hmm be honest I couldn't man and I don't think you'd want me to that's why I wouldn't I think you'd want me to be there I want you to what if I got a live stream with you in your casket to open up Wow I'll make you a deal okay I'm the closing record asset no I want to just now do the live stream of my casket at the end when he's getting a standing ovation just boom yeah you put it on the monitor so that I could you know when I'm flying up to heaven you know I'm flying and I can see it and I'm getting a standing O that'd be [ __ ] cool and be cool yeah yeah I could do that man I'll do that for you would you cancel um no I have one I have one yeah go ahead Poirier kabiri match his retirement fight for the championship you're sitting front row you know what you're cornering him at this point Bobby dies what do you do hmm just probably wish Bobby was there with me you know but like in a loving way man I would and I bring that tit with me for good luck and I put it at the bottom of the ice bucket of poor EA's ice bucket huh let's do a softball one let's do a softball let's say you met let's say you met a girl somebody's gonna watch my hair what a popular [ __ ] barber shop my friend yeah I know you make an appointment you didn't make it let's cut to the trim you went to Vegas and you saw the fight now well I mean soap oh yeah I did you see the fight oh my god crazy we saw the fight crazy right and I know a lot of listeners aren't into the UFC and [ __ ] you should be I think they are it's growing there was a hundred thousand new people watched the fight the other night and heard like brand new for the first time that's a lot of people for every fight by the way was entertaining to watch but the poi and it for some reason now because there's no audience you can hear and feel every slap yeah every punch every elbow it's so brutal oh it's like [ __ ] imprisoning you like I much prefer this setup with no audience like I'm really just zoned in and I feel like the fighters almost seem looser and just willing to really like slug it out like they aren't there aren't any other extra elements that they have to worry about and I don't know that fights have been better yeah what we were talking about they don't seem as nervous hmm hey don't you know imagine like oh I know my crew right I kind of know their crew yeah you know there's Dana what's up he's like 20 feet away what way right and then you're like you know if the cameraman you're used to it's the pressure is that if you and I it's a great point yeah if you and I were doing this podcast right now and there was a [ __ ] thirty thousand people you would change the way we would do it even that's a good point you wouldn't get a laugh we'd just be like oh [ __ ] right right yeah and if the crowd all did something and maybe you weren't like aware of it especially if you're in a fight if they all make like a oh and you don't know what's going on it might have you like backpedaling like am I not seeing some that's a good point yeah yeah yeah and also like they're able to hear their corner so well and they're able to hear the color commentary yeah so like I know that Poirier heard my ping I saw that yeah yeah lisping yeah and it's funny cuz this thing I think favor poor you a little bit cuz at one time as a kitchen ends up yeah hey guys we're gonna take a quick break to share this amazing product with you Sims we love it so much hey guys hymns we use and we love this [ __ ] service it's the about telling them more guys we love it so much that I use it every day you guys hymns is one of my favorite services of all time because like I've said before if I had if I had hymns in my early 20s my 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safety information remember that's for hems com / belly professional professional enjoy the rest of this show hello slub Kingdom we have big news Tiger belly is excited to present the tiger belly singing competition brought to you by the Tiger belly patreon your home for the official Tiger belly singing competition show that doesn't mean you have to be on the patreon to enter all sleepers can enter the competition if you want to participate record your audition name the file with your email address and upload it to Dropbox tell them more let me repeat that this is how you are able to participate you record your audition yep you name the file with your email address yep you then upload it to Dropbox yeah link in the description the link is in the description the winner gets to sing the outro song for the tiger belly podcast and more possible prizes guild we will I think our patreon members for making this possible for more on that I can go to patreon.com/scishow once again if you want to participate record your audition and very important name to file with your email address so we can contact you and upload it to Dropbox at bitly slash tiger belly talent link in the description but I think the fights are better it's uh I just the audience's drives me crazy me too yeah and I think it's just it's just fun to watch like even when you saw that I don't know if you saw the fight before the Brendon Allen and you're on vs. daucus he's from Louisiana he's from yeah he was really really all in Allen baby and but that dog is kids who that was his UFC debut fought hard yeah yeah yeah he fought hard man I think both those guys will have you know continued to have good success it was you know it's interesting because even Dustin said after the fight he goes he likes it better without the audience there oh he did say that yeah which I thought was interesting cuz you would think like from our from comedy it's like yeah you want people to be in there but I guess there's probably like you're saying like it's almost like podcasting it's like it's more comfortable sometimes when it's just you or when it's just a small group because you can kind of Zone in on a little bit more on what you're doing you're not doing it for someone you're doing it more for yourself you know yeah and that's exactly it like when I look at those fighters there's no audience I feel like they're fighting because they love it right there's no okay they're not performing for anybody they it's in their bones they're out there to fight and it's really inspiring to see those guys beat the [ __ ] out of each other for twenty five minutes with no one around yeah but they would be bombed it would be bummed though if they fought no audience but then somebody told them afterwards we forgot to turn the cameras on and they're like bleeding right only seven people watched it that was wrong that right yeah and they're like you have to do it again when a year yeah it's like man I'm not doing that again for a year I one of my eyebrows in my pocket right now what that's crazy which boys um either one that's employee yeah was PO a his I was he fought like cuz I've never talked to because we've had Bisping on our podcast and but we've never talked to I've never talked to a fighter directly after a match right our fight was he coherent yeah it was funny man he showed up about an hour and how he had to go to the hospital he said and um so I just went up there I met up with his wife and some of his friends who were sitting there watching the fight about five people six people maybe and then he had to go to the hospital one thing that he said that was really funny was he said at the hospital he's in one like stall or whatever they're called in Dan hooker who's also in a may seem like an amazing dude is in the other stall and this is a curtain between him and Dustin said he goes and I told him he goes hey man I just heard we got the fight of the Night bonus yeah and uh and hooker goes oh that's great man still feels just the same I would have laughed at that me too man that's one of the beautiful things I love about humor is that just sometimes some jokes can only be it can only happen in one space in one time yeah and there's no it can never happen again man yeah that's one of my favorite things about about humor this is really funny Maggie I think a lot of people get to see a lot of his personality he's really really funny uh but it was cool man he came back and he just dressed like like he just [ __ ] you know I always do that they were sued out oh yeah yeah like I'm a professional yeah and I guess they armed it it was fun we got to sit and watch the fight again so we sat and watched the fight on his computer and just um yeah it was just it was just interesting to then be able to watch him I kind of go through the fight and yeah I don't know he just loves fight and he just loves it you can tell well what I found interesting in the fight was between the fourth and fifth round his corner man or his coach goes you having fun out there I'm having a blast right that's not what I would say yeah oh yeah yeah I can't feel nothing you know I mean you know there's blood in my skull I can feel blood in my skull you know something like that where you say I don't think say I would having a blast out there here's a sub this is look like a blast I think you have to do that in case they hear you across the cage and you just tell yourself what are you gonna owe and I think that's where they're able to do that kind of that kind of sport because I'm like you man I'm just fascinated by the fact that those guys can do that cuz I don't have that in me you know I just have that thing that's more just fear you know yeah be able to just go past those moments of like of fear and see what's on the other side of them in anything it's pretty wild but I could understand that that's why I like it I could understand going through a scary situation and coming out the other side right yeah and that kind of like and especially if you win but even someone like Dan hooker he knows like if I went in there and I have asked it I know I didn't train that good right in the third round like I want to do this anymore but if you're like a Dan hooker you could tell he put everything on the [ __ ] line yeah and so he's sitting there next to Poirier and also fight of the night all that you know when you lay in bed even though you lost you know that it's for the history books mmm yeah I mean no one's gonna watch that and go everyone said on Twitter and stuff wow that Dan hookers a beast that was a close fight what a warrior yeah right and he he can take that with them in his life and that probably motivates him for the next fight I think it's an addiction that's that's I I don't care about rankings like when I look at a fighter I always care about and Dustin Poirier is a perfect example of that when has he ever had a boring fight yeah ever yeah like we always watch his fights I don't care how he's ranked where he falls in that number where he falls there I will always watch him forever yeah yeah there's something yeah it's something it's something it's something that's just amazing to see some of these guys do how they manage it and how they then afterwards sometimes go back to like they're respectable you know still respect each other and stuff I think there is also a level like you're saying Bobby of like earning a respect win or lose yeah feels like a win-win like I thought that would win for them and for us I feel bad for their like the ones that aren't in UFC the amateur fighter oh yeah Holiday Inn yeah right within the next day they're like delivering Domino's Pizza yeah both their arms are balancing it on their shoulder up to the door I feel bad for those guys like even in like the Premier League in England [ __ ] the soccer right the fourth tier guys yeah right because there's what 700 teams yeah in England but they you know have their matches they still have to go to practice but then they also have to go to their accounting job yeah in the lower tiers in the lower tiers okay yeah so I just feel better you know I just feel bad for that part that's the yeah that's how you know they they just love to do it yeah and that's meritocracy - you gotta have that you gotta have I think people that earn their way into the to the big space you know yeah how do you feel about comics in a [ __ ] I've been struggling with this for many many years and I think I've changed my point of view on it do we sound like smart people do you notice that all in the past 10 minutes have to be silly Billy no I know I just feel like we've just we should bring it back down we should take it down the notchback too low bro yeah we need somebody to yeah I'll talk about my dick later I got a bum peas on my dick I want to talk about you have bumpy's on your dog just kidding I don't have any bump use I was just trying to try to make something up to go low my dad cares like a little like a I don't want to say like other it almost has like a like a little belly button on the end of it I feel there's a belly button underneath it no no no like on the very tip yeah it's almost like a little look out kinda like a little bitty piece of skin it's no bigger than like two pieces of little salt oh yeah its foreskin I have a dark ring of hate yeah yeah if you look at my staff all right let the stop but they're like you know the shaft have a wizard so I cast out route the route the route right I have a dark ring of hate around it oh wow it might be psilocybin no it's that gree it's a purple circle around a mushroom that makes you okay yeah yeah but it's got its you know I don't know how that happened because you know when I was a baby when I was a young man right when I was a baby young man you know me eight eight or nine or whatever Peter xxx analyze my penis maybe ten times a year I love looking at my dick when I was young yeah yeah like really analyzed oh yeah which stretch the first you know hold it what I'd go into somebody bathroom and lay on the I lay on my side by the scale and just steady right on there one of them little scale yeah yeah and you know I used to put glue or you know fine your penis Elmer's glue on my today Oh beautiful you guys never pull a worm out your butt before oh that wasn't part of the line baby that I respect what you're talking about all women and I think that you guys didn't have my heart when you were younger oh yeah people did have him I didn't get him I got lice I got whoa wait wait so in the Philippines you just a Rando get random no no no no I was a real dirty kid my dad didn't let us wear like even a t-shirt until we were like 11 we were just in our underwear oh you're just like wild little Mobley's yes and so I never wore slippers and that's how you get worms and I would you know I got worms and pull them out my boy yeah I felt so good I remember feeling wow how big are we talking when one of them is real long I felt something slimy and then I pulled it out and I swear like my eyes rolled back of my head I felt so good I had a warm-up about you did yeah my friend Alan try to [ __ ] me Alan camp yeah a Jewish guy or not no Alan is a you know I got I got three friends named Al and all of them are Jewish I don't know okay I don't see his last name if you just said Randall I wouldn't I said always he all right I told you I had gay experiences when I was a kid yeah yeah yeah yeah everybody so I did you try to do a call back from like 50 episodes ago well I'm sure I try to do a call but a lot of people it didn't land it didn't land the way one to the land I'll be honest I got it though if I was thinking about Alan - Alan joke Yeah right the warm of my ass so Alan joke yeah for about 30 seconds and in my head I was like throw it out mm-hmm I throw it out you didn't obviously it's documented yeah I threw it out it's here and then it had an uncomfortable land right yeah you mean really no humor yeah question me whatever right Alan I know my point is is that we thought the joke oh wait this is gonna answer your question is it Alan with it a LAN or an a llen because that might answer should answer your question I don't know what is it as no Alan there is no there is no father's no Alan yeah oh god I'm like out the before so now the Worman I'm oh now we talked about the dick can we go throw a little freaking I'd slip a little dang sunflower seed up there for it mmm feed the worm debate it or I mean if I was young and I'll you know cared about animals and stuff yeah but I would you know get you a little you know a little cinnamon stick or something just you know give it a little one of those good and plenties every one of them what's a good small shaped candy you probably even feel it in your in of your but you know yeah but but it oh good and plenty I've never heard of it the candy mm-hmm so um let me just ask you some questions suppose one purple one all right I can't see I've never had oh so it's not chocolate based no I wouldn't do that okay so okay so it's fruity it's fruity that's like a licorice it's kind of a it's a licorice II and the shape is from what I saw from the thing the church too shaped it's conducive here to a but oh it looks like a thinner pill yes yes I know what a good in plenty is yeah I've done it before yeah so I thought I'd oh yeah but pulling a worm out of your butt seems just damn yeah so what would be like a national sport or something some of those kind of foreign countries you know really and one of our national sports a spider fighting you guys do that in Louisiana where you put two spiders on a stick and you fight it out and then the other spider eventually like kills the other spider and then you bet money that's what we did as kids they're called cut [ __ ] so let me ask you Sam we didn't do anything like that I know so you have a stick stick and then but there's only a specific type of spider if you have to get a cut you can't just get a Randal black widow and I know but the stick I bet on how many babies a dog was gonna have people being the best aren't whelping and giving birth and people out there throwing stillborns count uh I don't remember and I'm glad I don't even know I think people were toothed if it was stillborn they just would shake it and pretend like I was making a sound because nobody was showing a kid a stillborn animal but if somebody did that I'd [ __ ] I put a warm back in my butt I would man but baby is the stick like your regular stick you'll get from a tree yeah it's like a solid yet you get a matchbox right and then you you compartmentalize the matchbox into six different rooms and that's where you house your spiders with a little drop of milk and then you raise your spiders and you take it to your friend and you're like duo are we are we fighting today and then you get a stick and then your friends gather around and then people bet on the spiders yeah and that's just a game we played I was no big like little hats on it just to get you know to so people knew it was mine oh it's bobby spine i would do it like one of those like you know those with a little [ __ ] propeller yeah yeah yeah little propeller hat right and you even traveled with you would spin it just take off and you're like the early drone yeah I would name it Simone Simon something like that Simon Simone propeller hat I mean a little like Buddy Holly Bali Buddy Holly glasses but he Holly died though in a plane crash Oh heartbreaking yeah that you can go see the plane near Iowa it's in a cornfield over there in northern Iowa right south of Minneapolis dude I saw a la Bamba mm-hmm yeah but you can go see the plane you can go see where it hat where the but don't need to see it I saw La Bamba yeah if you want the edited version go yeah if you want to go pillage around a little bit see if you can find still you know probably a Seton the buckle or something my favorite line up on buzz [Laughter] good so good oh and why it's like you know it's like I know that he's Hispanic and that her white family wasn't supportive of it but he's got a talent yeah he did another one was a call with the main one oh la Bamba Bamba that's the one the main ads the main one la película bamba' la Bamba you know yeah man so now we did lowbrow we talked about our dicks the Rings your bellybutton your dick let's go belly buttons let's go highbrow now back off the CNN version hold on yes hi bro okay so we switched it have you watched the show alone it's the best show I've ever seen I can't wait till Thursdays when the new episodes come out on History Channel I watch the whole series on Netflix we just started first up it's on Netflix yeah it's so good it's really good it's so good does it get better it is so good man cuz we love it so far yeah it's only you know what it is the audience yeah I don't know you know what it is no okay imagine naked and afraid mm-hmm love it you love naked a friend yeah I'm gonna imagine whatever you're saying and let me see if you get it imagine not afraid right except you're wearing Arctic gear clothes mm-hmm whatever whatever style that you want right you get just let me finish I am you're allowed to have ten items of your choice okay you know thimble yeah I mean mm-hmm whatever you need doxycycline can you bring antibiotics on there you had that has to be one of them that would be so smart just like a broad spectrum yeah thank you so you get ten items right then you get helicoptered in your the North Pole some people call it enter yeah so people call it where Santa lives there's three things Antarctica right North Pole where Santa lives and some people call it's Antarctica or things as well this laying yeah and then ten contestants they get dropped off in different areas of Antarctica and basically the copter flies away and then you go it's not Antarctica it's the Arctic Arctic take five that's five things right and then they have to just survive mm-hmm is there an end goal yes Last Man Standing last people tap out there's no time limit yeah like one of the guys tapped out after four days because he broke his leg he was I was really rooting for him too because I thought that he was the best hunter of the ten yeah but he didn't hunt [ __ ] baby he just said he was the best no no he was his profession my profession he was a hunting guide and those guys are patient because they'll wait like they'll stay five days two weeks out just for one deer they they have that mental resolve we were able to see that ability skill in action right you didn't see it much of his skill yeah and it's so good but in the first episode we did see is one dude saw a score yeah fifty miles away on a branch 50 miles 50 and what shot it and shot it right through the [ __ ] temp one shot one kill one shot one kill so you brought a gun bow and arrow with a bazooka rolls like a bazooka / RPG and he couldn't eat the [ __ ] squirrel because it load it's blown to [ __ ] pieces bro so right so important question what you guys are all one person what 10 items you guys bringing ok yo you go first the doxy was do we get 10 as a group as a group but speak to your skill though okay how about this week we're group us three mmm Theo me and kalila right and we get to pick 9 things no three bikes if we got three apiece okay as a group and then you get to pick one thank you they get to pick one so you're a part of it too and before you guys say your things present your skillset in general okay here we go I have I have preserved fat in my body right so I don't really need I could just not move and get nutrients from all the [ __ ] fat in my body okay I've stored a lot number two so like a parasite or something what is that but you're a parasite to yourself yeah I'm a parasite to my meat what are you bringing this is a skill I skill says where she's probably a skill set you're not gonna rely on me as much because I mean it we wring tools right nobody asked what our skills what else yeah like he's I think I was I got it I got it right serenity is your skillset honest really yeah number two right I can I can mimic other animals okay right yeah and they can sometimes you know I've done it you haven't seen it but not being real I know but we haven't seen it you haven't seen it because you don't see me in nature right true but I've done this and I've had things land on my [ __ ] arms [ __ ] impressive yeah I did see yeah yeah not an animal but like an acorn fall yeah you know I mean there's somebody spit yeah get off this trail fit right on my arm I caught it but I've got it I also have I can keep up I can uplift people with my words yep that's true right positive attributions yeah and for I think I would go honestly this is a true one I would go out of my way I think and I'm like that in real life especially not you but to her hmm I would go out of my way to make it see to make take care of kalila amen caring yeah you be there for everybody like a nurse somebody yeah also I'm not also I'm not gonna mind it's a lot of things you have but I am NOT also greedy with like I'm not one of those it's like I hunted this [ __ ] muskrat right so I get half and you guys share the rest I would equally you know maybe if you're Filipinos you would eat that I think people get weird when they they're faced with survival yes and that is like the mental you would have to have trained yourself and really like dire situations in the past to know these things about yourself because I don't think we know ourselves and over there I don't know it's a good point yeah who would we turn into when the two going what are your attributes Theo I would say if we had a cup had a game night or something I would think that I would be able to like think up fun games for us I think I would probably be the chef like regional chef and I think that I would probably also be willing to sacrifice my body in what way in ways I don't know like maybe this is what I see you doing since you're a very principled man I see you getting the attention of like an aggressive male moose during mating season oh yeah and getting him real close so that I get a good shot yeah that's Accra Feist oh yeah willing to risk myself would you would risk your body for my for heat yeah I think would you well I would lay right in between y'all and just close my eyes and let you guys be comfortable you would be between them I mean you're around I would lay penis down and let y'all left I would and I would not even and I would keep my ears closed and I was cause y'all could do whatever y'all wanted and just and I would just be quiet hmm what's your attributes man my attributes is I'm very good with first aid okay huge very good yeah I'm also pretty good with identifying what's poisonous and not poisonous and what's edible because I rocks yeah how are you yeah well you can use gravel to help you digest food and if we are by a close water source I am very good with just water in general fishing things like that she's a water person oh yeah your swimmer we could put you in there cold though if I had that's the one thing I would bring with Lisa is a dry suit a dry suit because I would attempt to it's a first item dry suit yeah but or that or you could just say that's for her she's getting food for you yeah you're right that's a good thing so I would bring a net one Wow here and we're gonna need you to step away from the pant for a little bit she wants to dress up a little bit we're gonna be out there for a long time I don't even know if that's gonna be enough for you and so all of a sudden you bring a wet suit you go cold a dry situation Bobby not a wet suit it's a dry suit you're highly insulated and worn with a hood and everything oh it's like what are those old-school like scuba diving they say 1900s as a metallic it's what the scientists divers wear when they when they go after a leopard seal a dry suit dry suit dry suit there's no case oh I'm sorry my bad baby brings that I I think that we would live really well if I had a dry suit and if I if I had a good if I had a nice spear gun I could feed us every day yeah but I would probably get lonesome you guys have each other and then I feel like I would get lonesome and I'll probably have to leave and do my own camp at some point no that's negative do you think that in this survival when your face is survival that you how many times in a month are you jerking off never yeah when you're calm at all at all I would say very unless I unless it you know things got really dire then I would jerk off for someone else but I'm not jerking off for myself I wouldn't say I wouldn't call it food I would say vitamins it's so desperate for calories that I would you would eat each other's come we said good implanting this come and I'm not eating any regional semen we just come to have wrote like some people like nine calories exactly right what is it rather just suck my thumb and hope for the best what about this what if I use my calm like salmon is the old place before you guys started doing it why didn't call it seemed you I was on my knees 25 calories per teaspoon have come oh my god to you I'm on my knees I haven't we say semen yes what do you guys raise in a damn will have to come in our mouth I guess I'm begging for 25 of your skeet your no she's not gonna blow you dude we're gonna take the tree we're a jerk-off we got a tree and then we're gonna all run when we're about to run low and she's gonna put it on a leaf back I'm not putting in a cup like some kind of sinner did no I put on the back of a leaf and then you guys can do with that as you will so I would close my eyes while you guys did that or go be by myself so your item is one is a dry suit a dry suit and a spear gun spear gun is number two and then the fire start seaming I cannot I'm very very sensitive to the cold and I don't do well with cold so I had to have a fire starter a reliable one yeah I would do sleeping bag I would probably do one of those lanterns and I would do a decent acts probably a dull ax next is definite non child acts so that's like if somebody doesn't get a Ketel if you don't get a kettle I'll be really disappointed Oh cattle number one then okay we got a boil option number one hey lets you jump - did you bring a condo uh a condo condo a condo condo like a downtown LA arts like you know how they have those portable houses yeah that's for storage or a shed you can you if I get an item I can bring a [ __ ] double-wide trailer yeah like Will Smith has on a set yeah [Music] I'll call them yo dude I'm about to do a loan gonna answer dude and you can't bring that huh it's a full no it's a bunch of items put together you see when alright fine my bad dude alright so I'll bring the bed from the trailer so a mattress a mattress weary this is a team effort right he already has a sleeping bag yeah one and I'll also hold my breath away I'll sleep on my back or I'll bring a tent that's good ten is good ten is good is good so just let me finish I'm a done catalyzed by the kettle when the kettle for water holdin up - how about not a kettle but how about I like a pot I don't want a kettle I want a pop yes okay but I want to call the coupon pot a tenth and the third thing is is the pol pot calling the kettle right here can I bring because we have to like GPS can I bring my iPad no no cause you have to drive you can hit Sam tripolis Ken [Music] you can't do that dude alright yeah it's not insane I'll bring a compass I don't necessary so did good because you're not really traveling places in one spot yeah I bring how about you oh you're a fishnet already know I had a speargun and a dry kill me I'll have a fishnet yeah because I saw only one bobby to be fishnet stockings on accident he'll open up the package so that's it that we would die okay I think we would make it what do you guys think George how many days would you give us honestly out there and the weather at first is like 25 degrees or maybe 40 right no snow yet no snow yet but then by probably towards you know every week I would say it drops 20 degree or 10 degrees what's the longest someone's done on the show because we've only done one episode I don't want to tell them that because I don't want to give away how long some of it is I'll say 14 days making it afraid ish yeah it naked and afraid because you have the things you need to survive like if you're just a little bit here's the you guys hunt let's be [ __ ] on again I can get officially know your [ __ ] I'm gonna kill [ __ ] wait but I have experience of killings over there affirmation everything he's supposed to be uplifting our group you all right out there in a garage no yeah but that's what how would that's how I'd be down day one right so you're right I can't bring the energy yeah into the situation right believe that also I have to be like four days in we haven't caught anything yeah and I have to it's gonna happen one day guys I'm real confident in myself with a fish guys so if you tell me that you can subsist on fish that I catch and that you guys keep me warm because I'm very bad with a cold we can we can we can do it well I'll keep Bobby warm I'll sleep on Bobby's like back and he'll sleep in front of Bobby my back well I mean it's like I feel like that's the fair way to do it you know that's the appropriate way to do it yeah you know I'm not sleeping next to your woman even if we're indoors or out he's a principled man I'll be fine yes allow there I'll be let's get naked we get completely naked why would we be naked in the Arctic yeah because we're in this sleeping bag yeah right I imagine this us three naked in a sleeping bag I'm in the middle kalila is in front of me Theo is in back of me we're jammed packed in a [ __ ] I'm trying to hear you out and it's hurting hear me out we're jam packed into a [ __ ] sleeping bag right imagine that now you're like sardines you're getting warm from our bodies right okay and then the [ __ ] back sleeping bag is insulating the heat right right I mean then all of a sudden I would probably even ignore his erections I wouldn't get around got a lot of right I think anyone gets directed yeah it's an erection yeah erectus is survival time I don't get erect when our freaking when my life is on the line I can't get it right in your broken glass even though you're saying two and a half days you're saying the same thing Hampton Inn do you even know what we're getting into I feel like you just you don't really know what we're getting into I know because I have I've only seen one episode I think if I see the series which I'm gonna do tonight yeah I'm gonna burn through it all in my head I'm gonna be like oh yeah two and a half days George had it right yeah I believe George thinks that well you just you don't even want to go camping I mean we had a movie theater I'm gonna have one what flavor kisses it these are almonds good I don't like the regular man they put something bad in the chocolate a couple years ago they changed the recipe like they did it with coke no they just did something to it I think try to cut corners save money my sister says the meth that's out right now is really something the matter Wow probably pure as [ __ ] the the arrestees that she's been getting on meth are just a whole nother level I don't want that dude we gotta get Bobby maybe that's what the tenth thing we're bringing to the woods man you can't pick anymore it's math man I mean that would make sense right because you it is like what do you call it it depletes your hunger it takes away your hunger yeah you wouldn't want to keep from we don't need to sleep yeah right no but you you'll you'll run yourself to the ground we won't we'll build a gazebo probably yeah the city first thing because dude I'll build a freakin game stop bro you're the one forgiven Whataburger out there huh whatever but but with math we could probably last 14 days I think so what it's gonna end badly though it'll be about y'all real bad it's gonna end with sex it's gonna end with yeah yeah someone is gonna not gonna be alive at the end I'm gonna look like Rick Ingram just like siccing like Jake Ingram you're gonna look like the same beautiful thank you thank you and what about me you're probably gonna look like um I'm not you know the fat Dylan the the door guy at the Comedy Store mm-hmm look like him look somebody says Jimmy Schubert's son really yeah that could I know yeah somebody did say yeah so my favorite books is where the crawdad sing it's so good I read it you read it yeah I've been trying to get him to read it unbelievable it's the best it's the best book and I love the way her life in the marsh and all of that how she just kind of learned it in her own way when it was better than any other encyclopedia out there I'm gonna test it out you really [ __ ] read the book yes I did because I got the audiobook yeah she'll listen to it I mean look at this point yeah might as well you know got the audiobook do you've already taken all the brain work out of it now you're asking should I listen to it yeah buddy yeah train yourself again get out there no actually I've really loved it I did I didn't know how much I was gonna love it but yeah it just takes you to like a she was just amazing she just takes you to a place it's just unbelievable and then that girl's the struggles the dad with the alcoholism man it's good really oh yeah that's right she had all those things with all the things all the different animals and stuff like that nature animals nature you know flying little things that are in nature all the herons in Paris eagle Nightingale Sparrow you know McCall everything sand Birds everything they had in there yeah that's good man should we wait for that alarm - no man this is one of our first tests if we can't handle this we're [ __ ] up we are screwed now I'm sorry Bobby was I being mean to you man I'm sorry I just been a long day today so what I wanted to say there you go is good that peace come into us yeah what I wanted to say I felt that man is that's what's real oh sorry but did you feel it it was interesting it kind of hit us man it was like peace saying hey hey what I'm here yeah what I wanted to say is I initially you know I don't want to read I know that man I should I just stop stop I know how to read I've read pamphlets yeah I've read directions like when I get it's fan flick but yeah okay I've read pamphlets but I get you know when I order from Gold belly I get my frozen pizzas oh I think he took me that [ __ ] one time of your birthday didn't you know it's app my bad go ahead yeah and I get a pizza I know how to cook it because I know how to read and for me it's like I don't have a good imagination mm-hmm so when I read stuff right I don't know what house I don't have a pronounce certain words what I read mmm and so I have a maybe a mental deficiency or whatever MD yeah so when I read when I listen to audio books I am able to you know get the correct pronunciations of certain words and I'm gonna be able to imagine it but a good when you read a good book you don't need a good imagination they paint it out for you really well especially this book oh but detail normally you know I I need you know even though you've suggested so many good things to me you know in fact last night we saw a [ __ ] documentary called athlete a mm-hmm it's good about Larry Nasser USA Gymnastics and God he basically finger-banged all those little girls I shouldn't say it like that yeah what he did that's what he did yeah yeah yeah but it's like this girl did you see a documentary yes you know the the Olympic gymnastics Association had a doctor named Larry Nasser and he was number one you find out in the document he didn't even get paid now he's a [ __ ] singlet chaser did you know how difficult you know the coaches there are so kind of mean well yeah like Marta Russian baby the Russian yeah yeah the Corollas the Crawleys they're like there were Nadia Comaneci scotches so they were just really celebrated tough right coaches the stretch yeah yeah and then if so you have all this negativity and stress right and emotional and ponytails and then they had this guy this doctor who would give these kids on the side candy and he was nice and it was a huge you know red flag yeah right and then like you know do leg massage and then all of a sudden just jam yeah and how he decided to defend it to he was like oh yeah this is just you know coccyx manipulation right that what he said yeah he won't do things like he would talk about like the the the pubic symphysis sings in a really medical he used a lot of medical jargon to defend what he was doing to these girls and these poor girls you know I mean they shield maybe their children their children but then they go out there and they compete and some of them become you know Olympic gold gymnast right legends leaves us the legends of our time right but you it goes to show you that maybe you know there were there was a thinking and I might have to cut this out but there was a thinking that we we had a discussion not the molestation but the strict training in my head I was like does the strict training right equate to Olympic gold but kilala was like you can still be nice right and still have love and still create champions and I'm tending now to believe that well I my theory is that while discipline hard work very regimented old-school Soviet practices might work you just don't have a longevity there cuz there's only so much emotional abuse and physical abuse and so much of your body that you can run down so it's like I always say these girls in the 90s most athletes including myself we peak when were 18 we're done our bodies are already broken we've had every single injury there is to have well now they're being a little bit more you know forgiving they're being a lot more loving and supportive and know these you have Dara Torres who was a swimmer in her 35 still competing in the Olympics and that was unheard of before yeah imagine if comedy was like that it would take the fun out of it yeah I mean if I [ __ ] had a bad joke I get in a Polish person to hit me with a ruler it was a bad joke right you get good fast I bet they're right yeah you get good bike but we all do that to ourselves I think that polish person just inside of you hey guys we're gonna take a quick break to share one of our favorite sponsors with you it's the tastiest food that you [Music] you guys I'm telling you right now without blue apron I would have died in quarantine we've had so many delicious meals from blue apron it delivers right to your door and it's like it's you know guys it's like restaurant quality food and it's food a couple of times even the slept King Papa made it mmm by following the orders I don't chop I had her chop but you could I'm the one that cook yeah yeah tell them more babe um it's really fun for me because even though I'm someone who already cooks my usual five things that I cook well blue apron helps me discover new recipes that I can then you know keep in my recipe Bank and use later on in my life so I really like it for that I learned a lot of new things and new methods of cooking know the more to be Gil guys don't sacrifice flavor don't settle for boring meals with Lou apron you can enjoy top-rated recipes all month long check out this week's menu even get $30 off across your first two deliveries when you visit blue apron comm slash belly that's blue apron comm slash belly blue apron feed your sauce enjoy the rest of the show now we've been talking I just want to honest I want to get to like real real started we just let me have her almost done we're almost done but when you do you how bad do you miss stand up right now last week was the first time that I started to kind of miss it for a few minutes yeah it's the first time that I kind of started to think oh well maybe I'd like to try out a joke or two you know yeah yeah I feel like it's gotten so you know I missed because I missed because I know there's people that probably want to laugh and it'd be fun to go places and perform for them you know like go to put a like I've thought about trying to go to some smaller cities and do some shows but the desire to like get on stage and talk about stuff new or it seems like really risky to right now you know like I'm a straight white male you know we're semi white you know I'm Polish Nicaraguan but if you look at me you think oh this guy's [ __ ] you know Simula you know yeah sr 20% so you know it just you know it's been a little dicey like man are we even gonna be able to talk anymore you know but then just recently thinking well maybe it's just a real challenge now you really got a you really are gonna have to you know what kind of a fine line yeah oh I don't I'm waiting almost to see howhow like I am my feelings respond to some of that you know um cuz it's like in jokes that I told before the thing can I even tell this now now I can I share my truth even you know and I think people still will respond I almost started to think that maybe live comedy shows if they lock up people's phones will be more real than ever because there'd be the only place you can actually hear somebody really be real because people just shut you down online if you try to even be really authentic and not just the status quo yeah yeah we can't get to a place where the reason why I podcast and the reason why I do stand-up is because these are two art forms even podcasting is an art form right is it or no it's I mean there is you know we we come up with things you know and but these are two mediums that say not even art forms yeah well we can I love it because I you know I'm at TV back in the day when I was on that show people tell you what to do mmm right you have to say these lines right you would improvise but they usually cut it together and just do whatever they want one of the [ __ ] to do right this is truly mine I'm a Lila's - it's good yeah that's what I met right click yes yo sorry yes I [ __ ] know that Oh buddy my bad but what I'm saying I sleep outside no but what I'm saying no I'm joking give me a heart even in this podcast I'm Smitha you know I said I threw out the condo thing mm-hmm right and then you guys were like I have to see tent right right right we've got a little hard on you yeah yeah I mean I start talking about my the the dark wearing of hater on my penis right that didn't bode well yeah I had another joke that didn't work what was the joke that didn't work Alan Alan that failed miserably the bubbly was nice yeah yeah I didn't like it right in retrospect mm-hmm but you know so I make mistake but this is why I like it because I could just be myself and and converse and say whatever I want to say and express myself right yeah yeah and it's the same way and it feels like you know society now is seeping in to even these mediums right and I feel like there's consequences now and we have to be we have to edit yeah we can't we can't really we can't be like that right it's it's scary it's scary they want us to think but we can't be like that we can't and I'll speak from a woman's perspective like I'm all about you know like I was a victim of sexual assault so I'm all about getting the bad people out but at the same time it's like we're doing a lot of counter you would have things I think there's just women are and it's like I I'm not I hate I hate them all I hate the online mob I hate the council culture and there's just zero and who wants their weak even women don't give each other breathing room to be real with each other and be authentic because the moment I say well wait a second let's discuss this well what about or offer a differing opinion other than you know let's burn them at the stake I'm viewed as an apologist right so that's where I feel as though it's we're not even being kind to each other in our own alleged safe space we're not even allowed to have that discourse because then I am just somebody I'm labeled as someone who doesn't understand it or right go read these links right then and I'm not reading this tell me what you think yeah yeah yeah so in that sense it is frustrating because I it that's not we're never gonna get to a place of like you know clear water and no yeah and some people don't want to some people I find really just want to control they don't want to have everybody be heard they want to control you you know some people it's not about like hear my side and understand me it's about you need to be this way this is the only way that you can be as a human being and it's not even an idea their own it's like nobody even wants to think inside themselves you know but then also I feel like that's just a world if you focus on that world and that's the world that we are in and if we don't focus on it then we're not you know we can be in our we can be in our own world and we have to try to do that sometimes I feel like you know that's a real test to try and still say what we want to say and be wrong if we're wrong yeah isn't that a thing now where you're not given any chance for a Redemption arc ever in your life where it's like if you're wrong you're gonna stay wrong and we're gonna punish you forever we're gonna strip your livelihood away from you you know and this is the label we're gonna you know staple to your forehead you rest of your life and I just don't think that's real life I don't think that's that's that's the society I want to like raise children in yeah human beings are complex creatures yes we're not just one thing right we're many many different things you know it we're good and bad we're wrong and right right yeah there are those sides of me that people aren't even aware of then watch my comedy or you know there's things that I believe and there are things that I know that I want to keep private or whatever peep there are also I'm different around comics via let's say AAA people mm-hmm like when I'm with you know people from Alcoholics Anonymous or I'm doing recovery work or whatever I'm with my therapist I am a certain way the humor isn't really you know I don't really try to get a laugh you know or you know yeah and I'm not thinking of comedy I'm being more real whereas you know I [ __ ] around with my comedy friends and so they're different masks that I wear right and so it's like it's a complex issue and but nowadays it feels like you know you're this and that's what you are and you're gonna forever be this and that's [ __ ] up man yeah because that's not the truth yeah yeah I think that if I look at my dad's life and I zoomed out this is my therapist always says you gotta zoom out yeah stop being so [ __ ] involved in like you know your small little circles but if you were to look at someone like my dad who I love dearly I'm N Richard no stepdad Roger your dad passed away right Rogers beautiful though I love Roger we got a pilot yeah remember that two men went up was the waiter yeah and then where we saw a drunk TT Miller oh yeah did you guys have him on yeah yeah he's great man he was great man he loves talking about TJ Miller yeah I think there's a lot of comedians who were still like it doing exactly what you're saying you know like recognizing that like Josh wolf you know is outspoken about that kind of stuff I feel like um you know just wanting to recognize that people are humans you know I'm gonna set Diplo on the podcast and we were talking about that just canceled culture and he's just saying how it's it just doesn't leave anybody room to be you know human which is what we are you know and so what does that mean but it only it's only real if we really really buy into it you know but what's scary about comedy now as well is if you have an all-white lineup at a comedy club they're suspect there because of the fact that they're I know so many people of color that are super funny right but you can't also create a lineup and tick a box like we need the blind Nigerian yeah I mean we need you know mean the albino dwarf yeah we need a mint all we need a frickin yeah yeah you know somebody from Arabia we need what why did you look at me because well here's why man its merits you know you're saying about know if there's no meritocracy like and I don't even understand income because my favorite comedians are probably Maria Bamford Chris Rock and uh Jerry Clower he's white and then the other guy uh who burned his head up with the drugs Richard Pryor which the prior games do so two of my favorite comedians are black one of my favorite comedians a woman yeah like it's always been talent based cuz here's the thing if you if you if because first of all those people worked really hard a lot of times to get to them I got to work for like 15 years before you know I really started to have any real career I felt like and stand up bro okay say I remember you when you were coming up dude right the place in Westwood yeah right and I I would see you right come up with your voice and fail and chisel at it to come up with your point of view and to really authentically be you because in the beginning of stand-up you're not authentically yourself you're pretending to be a comic yeah that's what's something that you saw growing up right so you mimic what you see but then you'll see real comedians chisel away at that and become authentically themselves and I saw you do that I saw you work super hard right and it's like what Adam is getting is comics that weren't you know that don't get spots that aren't regulars and now they're going you know a lot of girls a lot of minorities going you know what about me you know and it's like what I wanted to tell them is is that is that I'm a 48 year old chunky Korean dude you know who's kind of cute you test well I test one kind of cute right yeah but it's the reason why I get spots is not because of that those facts it's because there's a lot of elements that go into that right this is that I worked a lot of a lot in Hollywood you know I've you know I've done a lot of stand-up I've done a variety of things I have a popular podcasts you know I have you know a bunch of things you know I have a following I'm also good on stage yeah you have to about it yeah I mean first of all it's like yeah I'm a white guy from the south name one other white guy from the South that's even at the Comedy Store right you want to talk about like they're not being anybody like me a lot of times like I feel like diverse man there's you know it's it's so hard to get into this place and to get a career when you feel like you're everybody's enemy and the you know and the media wants to make you seem like you're the worst person in the world yeah but it has to be it has to be based on merit because here's why because say if you're a younger comic and I get it you want to be on the on the on the good stages and you want to get spots but if somebody just puts you on a big lineup and they do it and they take off the people who are selling the tickets that people are paying then there's not good even gonna be anybody at the business yeah there's gonna be no one so you're gonna be on the stage there's not gonna be anybody there to see it and then the business is gonna go out of business so then there's not even gonna be a place for you to perform once you work hard enough to get there so it's like I know it's it's it's does it does it seems long short-sighted but you just have to you have to believe that your talent will make it happen yeah I imagine being a talent creator Bilborough right Billa Burroughs Sakura all these guys call in right Thea all these guys right and then you have like eight white guys right then you know Chappelle wants to go up you know and then you're like okay well I can't put Tom on because I already have bill right but I gotta put all okay or look on he's Filipino whatever right even though I would say he is from Sweden however and so Segura all these guys I can't put on because I had to fit the fill some sort of quota right yeah and then all of a sudden you know I mean people stopped coming to the clubs you know and so it should be again merit-based you know how long have we done Gilbert's want to say we're at 7:15 right now just in case is it really yeah yeah I got to go anyway I would love to come back sometime there's you know if I can I go yeah I don't want to know you have to go now I love you I love you and I wanted to say sorry if I was rude to you Gilbert at all I don't think I was he I don't know I might have been in my head for like a second but I think I was just kind of angry about something else but um I love you guys tell David because David see how gonna have dinner with David yes so tell David that cuz he's him he invites me all the time yeah you don't know I'm really quite ready to go out yet but it's gonna be soon okay tell me I love you guys man I love you too be honored to be in the woods stuck with any of you guys okay you too Gilbert expand all right give him a round of applause Theo von alright drive safely we love you go out that door go out the front door and get the [ __ ] out of here okay make sure there's no cat follow you though yeah guys make sure you check out those podcasts this past weekend you got King in the sting macaque begins right now make sure you fall Sontag really off Instagram on Twitter at that Tiger barely lambda K Bobby Lea Bobby Lee live I want to do a birthday wish to my boy Bradley Newman Bradley happy birthday I remember when you were a little tiny thing and you grew up you put hair on your eyes face look great so happy [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 2,130,455

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, tgrbly, all things comedy, mad tv, stand up, comedy, tpw, ymh, tkats, tfatk, off the record, bad friends, theo von, king and the sting, this past weekend, diplo, opie and anthony, howard stern, reaction, joey diaz, tfatk theo, legion of skanks, congratulations, andrew santino, flagrant 2, theo von podcast, comedy podcast, history hyenas, funniest moments, joe rogan experience, david spade, theo von brendan schaub, rat king

Id: 7PRk-JVLc7w

Length: 87min 26sec (5246 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 02 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/SourGusher]

When Bobby said Theo is one of the few people that’s called him during lockdown, I felt that shit man. No idea how, but every day I love this man more and I’m not even a big BL fan

[u/[deleted]]

30 days of night was good lol

[u/I_Rate_Trollz]

Damn Khalyla, she wanted that Theo grade A child spackle.

[u/JulioCesar29]

Was this one good?

[u/[deleted]]

Great to see this, amidst all the havoc of the world.

[u/[deleted]]

Their strategy talk for Alone was one of my favorite Tigerbelly/Theo moments out of all 5 podcasts. They went back and forth for like 25 minutes and it felt like 10.

[u/cwagoingfast19]

Theo bout to steal ole the unstable guys girl and move to Nashville.

[u/perkds]

Gang shit. Onward.

[u/Maple_Gunman]

Man did they stop making Good and Plenty’s? Cuz I can’t find em nowhere.