BEST TALKING HEADS (Season 2) - The Office US

I enjoy having breakfast in bed I like waking up to the smell of bacon sue me and since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself so most nights before I go to bed I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill then I go to sleep when I wake up I plug in the grill I go back to sleep again then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon it is delicious it's good for me it's a perfect way to start the day today I got up I stepped onto the grill and I clamped down on my foot that's it I don't see what's so hard to believe about that you know what they say about a car wreck where it's so awful you can't look away the dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you done these are kind of like a kid's birthday party and you go and there's really nothing for you to do there but the kids having a really good time so yeah you're kind of there that's that's kind of what it's like [Music] there you go whoa what am I gonna do with the award nothing I don't know what I'm gonna do that's the least of my concerns right now we have a strict policy here not to over serve apparently this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables Xerox her driver's license and she is not welcome at this restaurant chain ever again I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl so I'm wise and I have worms hey what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer this guy I have been Michaels number to a guy for about five years and we make a great team we're like one of those classic famous teams he's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend no I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart you try and hurt Mozart you're gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy would I rather be feared or loved um easy both I want people to be afraid of how much they love me Michael and his jeans he gets in them and I'm not exactly sure what happens but I can tell you he loves the way he looks in those jeans I know that's why he started casual Fridays I'll take those Thanks jan levinson-gould chan is cold if she was sitting across from me on a train and she wasn't moving you might think she was dead I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records as a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records for surgical histories yeast infections there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory I think about this what is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies or in real life somebody's a gun that's why I always start with a gun because you can't top it you just can't I'm supposed to meet my doctor here have you seen him he's very angry midgets boom please Michaels goon FBI you know you did Angela drafted me into the party planning committee her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster which to me seems excessive he obviously forgot to get me something and then he went into his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in the bag yep that's exactly what happened presents are the best way to show someone how much you care it is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say hey man I love you this many dollars worth I never smile if I can help it showing ones teeth is a submission signal in primates when someone smiles at me all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour all right give you my next paycheck so I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now oh god no Dwight isn't my friend oh my god Dwight it's kind of my friend Joe McCarthy Richard Nixon Studebaker television North Korea South Korea Marilyn Monroe Ryan started the fire a 30-year mortgage and aage essentially means that he's buying a coffin if I were buying my coffin I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people there are several different ways to tell if a purpose line the liar will avoid direct eye contact the liar will cover part of his or her face with his hand especially the mouth the liar will perspire unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful why do I like Hooters well I will give you two reasons the boobs and the hot wings if I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here and I'd forget to guess what I found out about Oscar tonight he was lying about being sick should I have reported Oscars malfeasance hmm probably but now I know something he doesn't want me to know so I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage otherwise it's just malfeasance from malfeasance is sake Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week I would be creeped out by it but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me Michael ID I gotta get out of here I can't hold my breath that long Oh door hop it smelled terrible what I did not do that that sounds disgusting it wasn't me it wasn't me it was not me what happened in Michaels office was wrong I understand it it makes sense but it's but it was still wrong oh I think it's gonna work out great because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job and I haven't been there in months Dinkin Flicka they can flick Oh I told Mike some some phrases to help with his interracial conversations you know stuff like fleece it out going Mach five Dinkin Flicka you know things as negroes say give me some oh yeah I thought of a handshake too now now I have a boyfriend all right I hooked up with her on February 13th and it's that's Dean effect that's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live huh hello hello hi Oh once I'm sorry I thought you were okay she looked like she looked a lot like Tina Fey hello hello I thought that was Tina Fey but what's it so are you serious he was here when I was talking to the fake Tina Fey come on no Susan boy vein smear Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company he wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention it is literally the highest possible honor that a northeastern Pennsylvania based midsize Paper Company regional salesman can attain so I like to say hi to my friends in China wadu' junghwa do pangyo meow when i was in the sixth grade I was a finalist in our school spelling bee it was me against Raj Patel and I misspelled in front of the entire school the word failure I am actually looking forward to take your daughter to work day I am not great with kids but I want to get better because I'm getting married so I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me like the witch in Hansel and Gretel that little girl is a child I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon do you understand yes boy have you lost your mind cause I'll help you find what you're looking for anybody gonna help you out there Jesus can come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child okay Stanley yelled at me today that was one of the most frightening experiences of my life today is my bday and people around here just go crazy for it I don't know why Oh fun fact I share my birthday with Eva Longoria so I have a perfect icebreaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died that was the saddest funeral ever that and my sisters why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself I can deliver food I can drive a taxi I can and do cut my own hair I did however tip my urologist because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones what about that meeting later to discuss finances yes what if I'm hungry I like the people I work with generally with four exceptions but someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends and by the way I haven't peace-out seacrest well your office is behind you thanks munchies who wants some Montrese I don't think Michaels ever done drugs I don't know if anyone's ever offered him any ID badges are long overdue security in this office Park is a joke last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag I set up my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch can you imagine if I was deranged it's all Deutz every Friday at 4:00 I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York that box is a special file in New York okay Ryan you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell I know exactly what he's talking about I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer very nutritious but they smell like death actually I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael this March of this year tonight the Scranton Business Park is having casino night and we are converting our warehouse into a full-blown gambling hall and I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania but it's for charity and I consider myself a great philanderer it's just it's nice to know at the end of the day I can look in the mirror and say Michael because of you some little kid in the Congo has a belly full of rice this evening makes you feel good oh I steal things all the time it's just something I do I stopped carrying a long time ago you should see how many supplies I've taken from this place honestly I love stealing things I expected you very well tonight I have an acute ability to read people Jim for instance has a huge tell when he gets a good hand he coughs [Applause] it's the weirdest thing every time i coffee folds i don't really play cards but i'm not gonna lie to you felt really good to take money from michael gonna chase that feeling i won the 2002 $2,500 no-limit deuce to seven draw tournament at the World Series of Poker in Vegas so yeah I'm pretty good at poker yes I'm an ace no that's a flood all the clovers you want to play again I suck [Music]

Channel: The Office

Views: 1,309,672

Keywords: the office, the office full episodes, rainn wilson, john krasinski, steve carell, michael scott, the office fire drill, jim and dwight pranks, dwight schrute, jim halpert, jenna fischer, the office thug life, the office funniest moments, the office bloopers season 1, the office cpr, the office parkour, Best The Office Moments, talking heads, best talking heads, interviews, cut aways

Id: zTYSTk8iLsM

Length: 14min 35sec (875 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 28 2020