Best Norm MacDonald story ever on David Letterman

yeah we always run out of time and i want you to tell that and you were a kid right this is the first time you were you got drunk when i got drunk yeah i was a very straight-laced kid you know how old were you when this happened i was 18 19 years old and i just thought i decided to drink you know and i was out with my buddies at a bar my god we started drinking they had those shooters you know you know those are hard to take you know you can't you can't gauge them you know and uh before you knew it i was so crazily drunk like just drunk out of my mind and uh so then uh time passes in a weird way and everything and my friends they wanted to leave the bar right okay let's go right i'm like ah [Music] that's crazy all of a sudden so i'm like why should i leave we're having fun here at the bar you guys leave if you want right so there you go and i'm making friends with everybody man there's a fat guy with a beard you know and uh there was a jukebox it was like a western movie you know i mean and uh there's a bartender there's all kinds of ladies and everything like that and everybody's my friend right so i'm getting drunker and drunker with these shots you know they're all crazy dirty sex name shots you know oh yeah here have a dirty sex you know whatever so i get all drunk and then i go to the bathroom and a dude gives me some pills he has some pills oh no and you're not supposed to ever mix pills with booze is that right yeah and then any doctor they told you up at the mayo clinic [Applause] but this guy was not a doctor he was just a guy i meant in the bathroom even worse than a gp he was worse than a gp his name though his name though was dr midnight but i found out he was not a creditor really a doctor no yeah so anyways so i take these pills and what they do is they they say that you're not supposed to mix them but on the other hand it in one way it works so i'm like so drunk now and having so much fun and everything hey a fat bearded guy having an arm wrestle with him i don't know how to arm wrestle then all of a sudden i go to i'm playing pool i go to shooting a pool and i fall down right now the pool balls and then i just black out what's called blacking out yeah it's not passing out you don't don't remember anything oh yeah i wake up right i'm in a bed but it's not my bed you know and i look beside me who do i see the fat bearded guy so i go uh holy lord god i had i had sex with the fat beard again and at this point in my life i was a young a man i had never had intercourse in my life right and i'd always imagined it but i never imagined it that way i imagine a nice lady in a dress that's right so but there's got to be a first time for everybody it's not all gravy so i look over and i go oh my god then i noticed we're in twin beds there you know we're not like not in the same bed and i go is this some kind of one of them old-fashioned gay guys [Applause] there's no such thing no gay guys are generally not old-fashioned they're right on top of the latest thing they're happy they're happy right on top of the latest thing that's right and uh they're so ahead of things they have sex and they don't even use a lady so so anyway anyways that the upshot of the story is what happens is i never had sex with this fat guy with a beard this guy had checked me into a rehab this guy was like a dirty drunk and he he took me for a dirty drunk too right yeah so i'm like what the hell he says yeah man you know i'll go here in rehab man it's good for both of us and i'm like i got so i had a big uh like a robe on a fluffy slippers they wouldn't give me my clothes well how long were you i had a bag of my clothes somewhere they wouldn't tell me where it was would they let you out no three days i had to say three days yeah that's awesome they made me go to what it's called an alcoholics anonymous meeting right and i get up i go hey i'm not an alcoholic which it turns out is what a lot of alcohol they all say that yeah i said the fat bearded guy there's the alcoholic right over there how long did you guys date ladies and gentlemen it's norm mcdonald we'll be right back

Channel: Brandon Giles

Views: 127,453

Keywords: Norm MacDonald, Norm MacDonald late show, Norm macdonald david letterman, Norm macdonald moth, bedtime story, best of norm macdonald, david letterman, english fairy tales, late night, letterman, norm, norm macdonald, norm macdonald conan, norm macdonald death, norm macdonald live, norm macdonald moth joke, norm macdonald moth joke reaction, norm macdonald snl, norm macdonald stand up, story in english

Id: Mqd2SR3YAoA

Length: 5min 13sec (313 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 15 2021