Norm Macdonald does standup about coronavirus

I wasn't going to talk about the coronavirus but on the way here I got really ill but I knew I was gonna eat a cherry pie like I got a cherry pie from Bristol Farms and I hate it and then the car was going weirdoes oh my god and then I turn you turn on the radio Jeremy and then all the [ __ ] news was like the guy was like well there's been so far 11 cases 5200 I don't feel good you know here like this is not good I feel like I've been a [ __ ] middle of a Stephen King novel or something what is this so my plan is just to not die you know survive long enough where they find a cure you know some people will have to die but finally I'll find a cure for me and I'll think oh that's funny how big farm is so evil till now it's like what is it $200 pill yeah that's good that's fine I'll take give me here all you got but now sniffling I don't know what that is give me the cocaine I it's so nervous about his goddamn and then so I take cocaine you know and then that makes the anxiety even more crippling it's funny that we all now know how we're gonna die it's just a matter of what order at this point I mean a Costco and the [ __ ] everybody trapped by [ __ ] and everything like the end of the world and I got anything I think you gotta make your is I'm like I don't know how to make Purell [Applause] oh I can't touch my [ __ ] face remember the good old days when washing your hands to take three hours just take me so the mind never wanders too far from you know like I'll be talking about all kinds of horseshit up here tonight but every moment I'll be thinking of this disease just to let you know [Music] getting away from you guys a little bit more yeah but it comes at a good time this where we're all quarantined because we don't have to live like that right we got our [ __ ] magic phones and computers and everything no need no [ __ ] people it was the last step between us and Happiness anyway where people got the TV [ __ ] more interesting people that anybody I know first tank spent my last moments I can't it's the baby laxatives in this [ __ ] cocaine rolling down the back of my throat I'm old anyway you know so if I die I won't be as much of the tragedy I'm a 68 years yeah I like to say yeah you get all that you start worrying anyway you know forget the coronavirus like that's possible I said I wasn't gonna mention it and you know I was tired of the manager he's like nobody wants to hear about the [ __ ] coronavirus they come here to not here about the coronavirus my god but it was a good idea there's a good choice tonight to come out and sit beside total strangers at least I'm out of here I can run you know at least I can flee when I see it

Channel: Norm Macdonald

Views: 2,345,948

Rating: 4.874238 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: -skA4GhVX7k

Length: 5min 33sec (333 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 13 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

norm lookin like a chinese international student hypebeast

[u/ScarySeinfeld]

Lol he’s been lying about his age for so long

[u/palebluedot1988]

"People are the only thing between me and happiness anyway."

[u/[deleted]]

Norm "I can taste the baby laxative in this cocaine" Macdonald

[u/lucky_demon]

I bet that scoundrel Adam Eget has got the bug after jerkin off punks under the Queensboro bridge.

[u/Locke1557]

Not many people in the world like Norm, and that is a shame.

[u/TryItOutHmHrNw]

God he’s good. We need to keep our comedians healthy so that the sick can die laughing at comedy shows.

[u/grelch]

He’s the string quartet for our Titanic.

Norms not 68, he can’t be. Why you rapscallion Norm.

[u/[deleted]]

Why hasn’t he been on JRE yet?