Norm MacDonald's Final Stand-Up Performance On Letterman

uh thanks guys listen i don't want to brag or anything but uh me and oprah are making the same money tonight but uh the show is loosened up considerably i noticed i was watching oprah and uh dave talking about weed and booze i've never i don't do either of those the hardest drug i ever did lsd and uh i remember i was a kid i was like 16. i remember they told warn me and say hey you got to be careful with that lsd on account of you can get a flashback 10 years can go by 20 years 30 years and a flashback will happen so i thought hey that seems like a good deal you tell me i buy a drug for five dollars i eat it i get high and then 20 years later i got high again [Applause] that's not the point i like to stretch my drug dollar the point is this 10 years have passed 20 years half past 30 years have passed and no flashbacks what a that turned out to be just more horse by the big acid companies that's all it is but i can't believe it's been a quarter century since i made my television debut it's all different back man you know it was back then i remember if you wanted to take a picture you would use a camera not a telephone as a matter of fact if you use the telephone people would look at you odd what about in the old days when they took pictures of you way back you know where they pulled that thing and exploded and stuff i got a picture of my great grandfather the thing took six hours to take your picture and a picture of my great grandfather won they only had every guy had one picture back then and it's just him like [Applause] i gotta get back feed them hugs who's gonna feed the hogs [Applause] somebody gotta feed them hogs now in the future of course it'll be different 50 years from now people will be going like hey you want to see a hundred thousand pictures of my great-grandfather i got him right here plus everything he did every day of his life hey this occurred to me today i d i d which i had to show it again there's a strange abbreviation when you think about it i is short for i and then d is short for identification [Applause] they could split that one up a little better you know but i watch the tv i watch the news make you afraid the news you know put all these stories on iraq iran north korea you know try to scare you you know but does it ever really scare you like you ever wake up in the middle of night ah north korea that little tiny country across the ocean i wonder if they'll get me plus didn't mash settle that like 20 years ago why did i have to watch that's a stupid show there is one country that worries me though not iraq not iran not north korea the only country that really worries me is uh the country of germany i don't know if you guys are history buffs or not but in the early part of the previous century germany decided to go to war and who did they go to war with the world that had never been tried before and so you figure that would take about five seconds for the world to win but no it was actually close then about then about 30 years pass and uh germany decides again to go to war and again it chooses as its enemy the world and this time they have that guy strangely crankly that guy and i'm not even going to dignify him by saying his name but i think you know what i'm done but you think at that point the world will go listen germany here's the deal you don't get to be a country no more on a county you keep attacking the world what do you think you're mars or something anyways lesson folks this will be my last time on the david letterman show i understand and you know you know you guys we all know that david letterman was the greatest talk show who uh hosts who ever lived but i i remember dave differently because the first time i saw him i was 13 years old i was living in uh i was living in toronto canada and i went to a talk show they had there and david letterman was the stand-up comedian on the show and uh i loved stand up and david letterman did this joke that i told everybody this joke i love this joke it still uh stays with me as my favorite stand-up joke ever so i'd like to do it for you if you'd like to hear because um i uh i i was on the street the other day and i uh i saw a garbage truck and on the back of the garbage truck there was a small sign that said please do not follow too closely another of life's simple pleasures ruined by meddling bureaucracy ladies and gentlemen you remember the old days when when dad had piled the kids in the station wagon and we'd all go out and follow a garbage truck [Applause] so anyways i'd just like to say i know that uh mr letterman is uh uh uh not for the marquis and uh he has uh he has no truck for the sentimental but if something is true it is not sentimental and i say in truth i love you oh my god oh my god oh my god very funny norm and thank you thank you for everything thank you norm mcdonald ladies and gentlemen that was very sweet norman good night everybody [Music] you

Channel: Letterman

Views: 1,172,318

Keywords: letterman, david letterman, dave letterman, interview, letterman interview, letterman official, letterman late show, letterman late night, late night

Id: OwlxYYtqHfc

Length: 8min 33sec (513 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 01 2022