April being smarter than people think | Parks and Recreation

greg phillips hi guys thanks for meeting me chet chat what's your pitch kid come on time is money money is power power is pizza pizza's knowledge let's go okay we made like a hundred million doctor's appointments for ourselves in one week after this we won't have to go to the doctor for like 10 years because we're smart let's do an exercise april what makes pawnee the best city in the world easy most murders per capita the guillotine was invented here city hall is run by the walrus mafia oh god what if they don't speak english april you know spanish right tutantiara sent to trabajo por que tu eres and feliz and to vita personnel oh good excellent hello is this mrs gallivan well my name is april and wouldn't you know it i'm raising money for a city council candidate i believe in no mira mira it's like whatever you want like ten dollars it don't matter well i reckon it's just like grammy murtha told me and my cousins you can't eat the biscuits if you don't pay for the flour okay so this is a multimedia project first a bunch of rats made out of garbage and um this is a tv screen it'll be like a big flat screen tv and it'll play looped video of knee surgeries and then this is a human-sized hamster wheel that will be next to the mural if we can get one and it'll be spinning and there'll be like a fat guy in it all the time like screaming and like eating raw beef and like bleeding like blood will like come out of his mouth and stuff and um it'll be like right next to [Music] the mural i have one question why if you have to ask you don't get it oh man it costs 200 to get certified i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk my two true passions you want to futz with these fools i will bankroll you really oh hell yeah pimp sounds like fun thank you april ludgate professional drinker uh where did you study ms leadgate the wine academy the wine academy in bordeaux yes carol make sure she's in group a i'm gonna tell you a secret about everyone else's job okay no one knows what they're doing i don't know how to run an animal control department half the documents i get i put right into the shredder because they're so boring but you seem like you do know what you're doing yeah i seem like it deep down everyone is just faking it until they figure it out and you will too because you are awesome and everyone else sucks the new site looks good nice work oh my god these dogs are so cute i want to throw up and kill myself animal control had to take in all the pets from eagleton and crazy craig used to run all their shelters so he helped me make an adoption website for all their dogs if you can look at that site and not want to take over 50 dogs you're basically a war criminal what is he saying they are very happy they say hugo chavez will love this video because it is another success for their committee committee their committee to humiliate and shame america i'm getting notes of uh dried robin's blood old dirty cashews and just a hint of a robot's bath water think of yourselves as engineers steering a locomotive of positivity that runs on team power first of all you don't steer a locomotive the tracks do second there are only three ways to motivate people money fear and hunger oh i disagree what about encouragement appreciation and smiles when people feel supported they will literally explode with productivity can you guys just figure out which way is better and tell me so we can leave thank you for your input april but the ketumps requires that we follow a very specific syllabus you're not being very inclusive chris i feel like my input isn't being appreciated you've killed my spirit my spirit blood is on your hands my god i've taught you so much already ron i propose a challenge to see whose motivational methods are more effective challenge accepted i have to tell you a secret but if you tell anyone i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe good morning april what's your secret i'm thinking about applying to veterinary school in bloomington oh my god april that's great whoa where'd you get that the internet so i really need a letter of recommendation and since you work in a hospital as a janitor nurse i was wondering if maybe you would write one for me really i want to be your assistant really you hate it here so do you i'll make sure you don't have to go to any meetings if anyone comes to see you i'll scare them away wait april if you had to choose between these two ties you're hired i just figured i might as well get paid for being here hey april i was looking to get some new music and i was wondering if you could recommend anything the internet i really like your haircut where'd you get it prison how's your sister doing she has the shingles who's your favorite character on sex in the city alf okay i've been working on this for three hours and i know your spirit dog you are a nova scotia toller because you're outgoing and adventurous and you love canada no that's not right no it isn't but i appreciate the effort we're good don't beat yourself up you'll probably never guess what kind of dog i am you're right i'll never guess what kind of dog you are because you're not a dog you're a cat you're temperamental you're unpredictable complex and hard to read you make people work before you let them in but if they put the time in and prove that they care then you open yourself up to them right no no no no no no no no eight years ago i accepted a random internship at the parks department and then leslie told me to do a bunch of stuff and now i'm executive director of regional whatever i don't even know what it means and i never even ask myself if i even really like it i mean it's like what is my purpose in life what do i even care about my insides are dying okay final tally jerry filed 268 red files yes and 384 blue files yes wait a minute how is that possible well he was so happy when you told him he was doing a great job that he spent 20 minutes on the phone telling gail about it and the prosecution rests not so fast they may have filed more blue ones but they're almost all filed wrong not surprising since he was a mess after you talked to him another fascinating edition of ketumpt's we may never know conclusively which way works better but i do know this when we first started the seminar i hope to be able to engage you in the process and by that measure i succeeded and i predicted that i would learn nothing from this process mission accomplished what did april write where is april i will pit ron and chris against each other they'll argue about dumb stuff it doesn't matter and i will bail then i'll steal 20 from chris's wallet and buy pizza with andy oh and i'll also steal ron's watch just for fun i think april will be a fine manager i agree it's my favorite kind of battle two men enter one me leaves you

Channel: Parks and Recreation

Views: 1,371,193

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Id: geJz16hGu2A

Length: 8min 6sec (486 seconds)

Published: Fri May 27 2022