-So what is it that you wanted
to talk to me about? -Well, we've been trying
to balance the books for a week now, and for some reason, they're not balancing. -I'm sorry? -There's about $3,000 missing, and we're trying to figure out
where it went. -Well, it's probably just
some accounting error. -It is not an accounting error -Well, it could be --
-It is not an accounting error Well, it's not
my accounting error. -This is the first
I've heard of it. They never tell me
anything. I like it that way. -Obviously we do need
to find it quickly to ensure that
it's not a criminal action -Absolutely, Jan. -But...I guess that's it. So, call me when you have news
okay? -Okay. -Michael said to stop by
on your way out. -I'm pretty sure
Michael's involved because every other time
there's been money missing from the office, it's always
been Michael. Except he's usually
really obvious. Like, he'll say he spent $50
on a lunch with a client, and he'll submit a receipt
from J. Crew. -Are we absolutely sure it's not
an accounting error? -I went over my books
three times. -Me, too.
-Ooh. Has anyone in the office
bought anything nice recently? -That's a very nice watch,
Oscar. -Yes, it is. My grandfather left it to me
when he died. -I've never seen it before He must have died
very recently. -Yes, he did, actually. About three weeks ago. -You guys wanted to see me -Yeah.
-Mm-hmm. -Hi, Phyllis. Um, we're going
over everyone's expenses for the year. It's just standard procedure -We are missing $3,000, and we're trying to figure out
where it went. Michael is the obvious suspect
but he is the boss, so we have to at least pretend
to ask other people first. -So, I know the answer's
probably no, but did you take any money or buy anything with company
money, or anything like that -Um... -Oh, my God. -I knew it.
-You did? -Well, about three months ago,
I was on a sales call, and I broke the heel on my shoe, and I only had
the corporate card. I'm really sorry. -How much was that?
-$14. -Um, we're talking more like
$3,000. -$3,000? Ooh. That wasn't me -No. We didn't think it was. -It will never happen again.
My boyfriend, Bob Vance, from Vance Refrigeration
gave me a Vance Refrigeration
credit card. Only for emergencies. -An emergency like,
you have an ice cream cake and you're in the sun,
and it's melting? -You don't use it to buy
refrigerators, Kevin! -Don't yell at me.
-Okay. Thank you, Phyllis.
-Okay. -So, is there anything
you want to tell us about? Accounting-wise? -Gosh, I don't think so. -We're trying to find out who
stole money from the company -It's better to be embarrassed
by the truth now than to go to jail for it later. -Why don't we just ask her
if she took the $3,000? -Idiot. Now we don't have
the element of surprise. It's impossible to trap her, and we won't be able to register
the look on her face when we ask her
if she stole $3,000. -You think I stole $3,000? -Oh, we know you did... or someone else did. -Did you use any company
money for anything? We're just trying
to balance the books. -Please. If I stole $3,000
I wouldn't be here. I'd be on a beach in Jamaica
drinking Red Stripe. -Oh, I love Red Stripe. -I do, too.
That's Jamaican beer? -Yeah. We should go out
and get a beer after work. Or, hey, you want
to go right now? -It's 11:15. -Yeah. So, that's too early? -You didn't take any money
at all? You're sure? -Yes. I'm a single mom. I would never do anything
to jeopardize my kid. -I thought you had two kids. -My ex-husband took Wendy,
the good one. -Okay. Thanks for your time. -Sure.
-Thanks, Meredith. -Somebody stole some money
That is fantastic. How much did they get? -$3,000. We're in the process of
interviewing everyone in the office. I think it's kind of fun. It's a great chance to
catch up with people. -I'm sure it's not you,
but we have to ask. -I hope they bought
something nice, and I hope you never catch them. -We'd appreciate
your cooperation if you find out who did it -I'll tell you what, if I find out who did it, I will shake their hand,
pat them on the back, give them 72 hours to get out
of the country, and then I'll let you know
who it is. Is there anything else? -No. Okay.
Thanks for your help. -Thank you. I don't think it was him. -Really, genius? -Angela thinks it's an insult
when she calls me a "genius, all sarcastic and whatnot,
but technically, guess what? I am a genius. When I was a kid,
I took an IQ test and I scored over 100. So... joke is on you, Angela. -[ Sighs ] All right.
Who should we ask next? -I don't know. -You know, my mom picks
the worst times to visit. -Why? What's going on? -Well, my mom's in town, but a bunch of my friends
are in town, too, and we were going to go
watch "The Prince of Tides." -Why? -Well, we don't like it.
We make fun of it. It's like a "Rocky Horror
Picture" thing we do. -Right.
-[ Chuckles ] But my mom's in town,
so I can't go. -Can we focus, please? -I really don't think it was
anyone in the office. -It had to have been someone Yeah, I do think it's someone
in this office, which really breaks my heart
to tell you the truth. Because I thought
we were all good people here -Maybe it was someone
in the warehouse. -Who? -Maybe it was Roy. He's getting married.
He can use the money. -Roy wouldn't do it. -How do you know? -He wouldn't do it.
He has too much character. -You have a crush on Roy. -I do not. That is inaprobable --
inappropriate. -You have a crush on Roy.
Unbelievable. -Stop it! Stop it right now! -Does he excite you? Does he get
your blood flowing? -[ Growling ]
-Kevin -- -Does he get your --
-Kevin. You guys don't know anything -♪♪ Roy and Angela
sitting in a tree ♪♪ K-I-S -- -Kevin, cut it out! -We don't think it was you
-No. -But we have to ask everybody if you used any money
to buy anything and forgot to report it, or... -Well, I mean, how would I d0
that even if I wanted to? -You would have to take some
from petty cash. -Well, I don't even know
where that is. -In Oscar's drawer.
-Isn't it locked? -Well, he keeps the key
behind his computer -- -Kevin, why are you giving
him instructions on how to steal?
-Wait, hold on. I'd never do something
like that. It's wrong. I don't steal things.
-Well, I'm satisfied. So, thank you very much
for your time, Roy. -Oh, Roy, one more question. What do you think of Angela? -You don't have
to answer that one. -But you can if you want to.
-But you don't have to. -It isn't Stanley or Jim,
it isn't Meredith, it isn't any of us. -We don't know that.
-Oh, come on. I didn't steal $3,000
from petty cash. I am not stupid. If I wanted to steal
from this company, there are a lot of easier ways
to do it. For example,
I could steal people's coats and sell them on eBay. -It obviously isn't Dwight because he has the most
integrity of anyone in the office. What --
Did you talk to Kelly? -Yes. She said she didn't do it,
then 45 minutes later the conversation ended. -I talked to Creed,
and he said he didn't do it. And then he tried to sell me
dietary supplements. -Okay, enough of this
investigation stuff. We just have to put out
a memo to the office and ask that someone come
forward anonymously. -Fine. I'll write it. -No, I wanna write it.
-No. -No. Angela, you never let me
write accounting memos. -Fine. I'll supervise. -Yeah. God. [ Typing ] -The date should be
right-justified. -Hm. -Right-justified,
not left-justified. Do you know what
justified means? -Yeah, as in
"justifiable homicide." -[ Sighs ] [ Typing ] -"To whom it may concern?"
Really, Kevin? Really? -Fine, then you write it. -Thank you. It's just easier
this way. [ Typing ] -I finished my own memo. "Angela stinks." [ Laughs ] I mean, I'm not handing it out
or anything. And don't tell her I said it
It's just for me. In fact, forget that I said
anything about it ever. Oh, God. What have I done? [ Whimpers ] -We are missing $3,000. Things are getting tense. -Wait. Here, I found it! Here it is -Oh. -$2,800 returned to
petty cash. Angela, I forgot to sign in
the money. -Okay. Yeah.
-It's got to be it. -Oops. Um, I took that, and then I briefly lost it but then the Pistons
beat the Cavs, and so now I'm returning it
all back. Go Pistons. But this is
completely unrelated to the other $3,000. -You gambled petty cash? -Yeah, but I won, didn't I -That's not the point. How are
we supposed to believe you didn't take
the other $3,000? -'Cause I'm telling you
that I didn't. -You have to admit, man, this
looks a little suspicious. -Oh, suspicious. Well, how come Angela
suddenly has a new necklace all of a sudden? -My friend gave it to me. -What friend? -Diane...Chester... Snydburgh.
-What? That's not even close to being
a real person. -Well, it's none of your
business who gave it to me But I didn't steal any money -You guys, this is stupid, that we're turning
on each other. This is exactly
what they want us to do. -Who? -The guys who stole the money. -All right, you know, there'
only one more thing to do. We have to investigate
Michael. -He is still in there. -Yeah, we know. -Basically, we're convince
that Michael took the missing $3,000, so we're waiting until
he leaves his office so we can go in
and search for evidence. When I say it out loud, it really doesn't seem
like a good idea. He said he was leaving
right at 5:00. -What time is it now? -You don't have a watch?
-It's slow. -You can't look at the
clock up there? -Well, you can't just tell me
what time it is? -I think people should be
self-sufficient. -I think you're mean.
-Okay, guys, let's just wait for him
to leave. -What are you doing tonight?
Want to get a beer? -I can't.
I have errands to run. -What are you doing? -I'm going to the mall. I need a new wok.
It's just stuff like that. -What happened to your old wok
-Nothing. Nothing. I just want a new wok.
There's a new one. I want --
-You know, I'm not mean. I'm just demanding. I'm sorry if I was mean. -It's okay.
-Thank you. [ Sighs ] -That was uncomfortable. -[ Whispers ]
Angela, Angela. -Shh, shh, shh.
-Okay, let's go. -This is so much fun. -It's not supposed to be fun Again, sorry. -Get it?
-What is it? -"Animal House." You guys are breaking
my spirit. [ Amplified ] Attention.
There is a lot of junk in here Over! -Don't touch anything.
You'll leave fingerprints. -You think he's gonna dust
for fingerprints? -Ooh.
[ Blows whistle ] -Stop that.
-Awesome. -What are we even looking for? -Receipts, maybe. Any evidence he took the money Or something worth $3,000. -Do you think this thing
is worth $3,000? It's cool.
-Check this out. [Chuckles "Michael Scott
is the proud owner of a Quality Seyko timepiece." You think he paid $3,000
for a knock-off of a $40 watch -I'm gonna go on his computer. -Okay, this drawer is locked
Oscar, do you have a key? -No, Kevin, I don't. If I were Michael, where would I
hide a key to that drawer? In this drawer. Hm. One, two, three, six, nine Count them -- nine snow globes with Dunder Mifflin logos
on them, and nothing else. -He has a snow globe drawer.
-And he keeps it locked. -I'd lock it, too.
That is very embarrassing. -Put it back, Kevin.
It's not yours. -I like it.
-Okay, just go to Quicken, 'cause I set up online checkin
for him. -Okay, here we go. Last transaction was... $23 to Jack's
Joke and Magic Shop. -No. -Go to the beginning
of the month. -Last eight transactions are to
Jack's Joke and Magic Shop [ Sighs ] -What are you doing? -Paying his electric bill. -I do not think
you should do that. -Well, it's about to be
shut off. -Okay. This is pointless.
Someone just has to talk to him. -Not it. -Hey, wait. [ Train whistle blows ] Not it. -You're saying Michael stole
money from his own company -Well, we've asked
everyone else. -No! No, that's insane. It has to be somebody else Like Meredith. Or Creed. No.
Meredith, definitely. -We asked her. She said
she didn't do it. -Which is exactly what
you'd say if you did do it Oh, man! I should've been
handling this investigation from the beginning. -I believe she didn't do it. Are you doubting me? -No. -And here. -Oh, my God. -There has to be a better
explanation. -How did he afford that
new waterbed he's always bragging about -He charged it. Discover. Made a little cash back
on the deal. Smart. If he were a general
in the Army, and you accused him
without proof, you would be court-martialed
in front of a firing squad -That's not true. -Okay, watch "A Few Good Men and tell me that
that's not true. I own it on DVD if you wanna
come by later. "You can't handle the truth.
Just kidding. You can. -Well, Dwight says that Michael
didn't take it, but frankly, I think
he's hiding something. [ Clears throat ] What? -We, uh, we found it. -You did? Where? -In your books. -Excuse me? -You accidentally logged this
equipment depreciation twice -Well, that doesn't sound
like me. -Did you let someone else have
access to your books? -Absolutely not. -Then... -Oh.
-Yeah. "Oh." -Very well. Case closed. -Very well. Very well.
-Very well. -Very well. -This is the best day
of my life. Oh...
[ Sighs ]
