Ali Siddiq’s White Neighbors Keep Falling Off Their Roofs - Stand-Up Featuring

if you at your house and you dig in a trench and the trench collapses on you and you die should your family did you uh to Ribery I'm just asking this is a serious question cuz I know I wouldn't I know I wouldn't dig you up to rebid I would kick the rest of that dirt over you and I would say a prayer at least I could tell people that you at home at least I can say that I'm old enough to know things that I like and I don't like things that I think that makes sense and things that I know make absolutely no sense if you are raising a child and your child is being cyber bullied you're raising a weak-ass child I don't know what the [ __ ] cyber bullying is or why your dumbass baby would sit there and read me messages and be scared I don't [ __ ] know instead of just closing the laptop I just don't [ __ ] get it what do they think gonna happen if they close the laptop do they think the cyber bully gonna open the laptop [ __ ] don't be close to me what do they think it's going to happen okay I like the fact that young white boys get they friends drunk and leave them random places when you see the white boy in a fountain nothing's wrong his friends did that his friend find out his name look on his Facebook page you gonna see some I look at Charles he's shit-faced I like that I like the fact that young white people will play tricks on each other like that they will take each other to the movie somebody fall asleep they put popcorn his mouth and leave out the movie and wait on him to wake up and walk outside and he laughs we [ __ ] love you let me tell you something I'm black and I'm grown if you leave me in the movie sleep with popcorn in my mouth you better not [ __ ] be outside when I get out there beat your ass down I live in a gated community in Houston in a white neighborhood I like this about old white men that y'all are not embarrassed to embarrass yourself in front of your children I like that I'm black I don't embarrass myself in front of my kids I keep it pretty straight-laced every white man on my side of the street has fallen off his roof in front of his son and so much I know the sound now I don't even have to look I know the sound I'm in my garden minding my own business and I was dead ends off the roof again and I always look over the roof I'm like Ted amen I know you voted for that wall you might want to ask the Mexican some before they leave man but they never off the roof dog ain't never officer you got the wrong shoes on down bring up that wall cuz I'm [ __ ] mad about that wall I'm still the only person really [ __ ] mad Bob they walk up the [ __ ] wall shit's [ __ ] stupid to me and see most people that think about the water they don't have to see the wall I live in Texas I'm at see this dumbass wrong and it bothers me it bothers me because Texas used to be Mexico and you tryna [ __ ] a build a wall stock Mexicans for coming back to what used to be Mexico Mexicans looking over the wall I looked my grandmama house is right there my baby pictures are still in the game window dumb [ __ ] dumb gonna spend tax dollars to build a wall see I used to didn't concern myself with Texas office I sold drugs and I wasn't paying taxes so that was that was y'all money to do with it as you wished but now you know I'm an upstanding citizen and I'm concerned by how you spending my [ __ ] tax dollars I am an outfit of [ __ ] law she don't even make sense gonna build a wall for people who have tunnels that's dumb his head maybe you need a visual maybe you need a visual wall tunnel they dug El Chapo out of prison twice in a nice-ass tunnel it was well lit he had a motorcycle he drove out to Tony you know he drove out the [ __ ] tunnel know what kind of motorcycle joke on Harley which is only made in America they I already have a title do you know we have a perfectly functioning wall in Arizona perfectly functioning wild Arizona six months ago in the Wall Street Journal they busted a ring of people catapulting Mexican people over [ __ ] catapult it'sa me an evil [ __ ] do you know how bad you want to get someone let's throw your hands over all wall we don't know why on other side guaranteed to catch you anybody doing this [ __ ] which one I'm for the gram who I vote again they released the footage you gotta believe me look at it don't go in google it they've released the [ __ ] footage it has three million views to millions of views of mine alone I want that [ __ ] every day [ __ ] hysterical i watch it every day they got Mexican people irregular chance with seat belts on the chest now that's amazing in itself [ __ ] seat belt on a regular chair they give them helmets and mouthpieces [ __ ] crazy they put the mouthpiece and thumbs up catapult over the goddamn wall every time I see it I think in my mind who went first because I know they to get this [ __ ] right the first time you sit in the chair you seatbelt it here you got helmet put your mouth there you go halfway in the middle that you notice I don't think I'm a PI enough to get over this wall boom right it's a goddamn walk now you're not gonna stop cause you to paid your money you gotta keep all right I'm tired now I don't leave oh no big joke or nothing I just pretty much leave when I'm done so I'm gonna get y'all a tip cuz I see a lot of people here with glasses on and I have I have a tip for people who wear glasses if you want glasses you should get your prescription put inside your windshield this is Jesus [ __ ] soaked ain't nobody steal your car somebody get your car can't seasickness car this must be a nearsighted car you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 4,290,276

Keywords: Ali Siddiq, Comedy Central Stand-Up Featuring, Ali Siddiq comedian, Ali Siddiq stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, death, burial, child, kid, cyberbullying, cyberbully, parents, white people, white men, drunk, popcorn, movies, prank, father, dad, roof, border wall, Texas, white neighborhood, embarrass, Mexico, Mexicans, taxes, El Chapo, tunnel, glasses, funny, funny video, comedy videos, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, best comedy, best stand up

Id: UY5oBh6k-lU

Length: 9min 10sec (550 seconds)

Published: Tue May 14 2019