Happy 4th of July | Gabriel Iglesias

yeah man this country you guys I love living here in the United States I can't think of anywhere else I'd want to live some people say well you're Mexican wouldn't you rather live in Mexico uh I love Mexico just visiting just visiting oh I like it right here that's what it kind of bothers me whenever people go you know what is it like being a Latino comedian I go I don't know I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino what's the difference the difference is my special will air on Comedy Central not tundo that's hard you guys you know little espanol if you speak a little Spanish it freaks people out oh my God he's speaking Spanish you know don't get me wrong I like watching Spanish programming myself some of the stuff is really cool my favorite thing are the commercials because they're always about sex you don't even know what the product is until like the last two seconds it's always some model walking out all sexy right [Music] hola and on the 28th second right Pepsi and you're sitting there going I got to go get a Pepsi oh yeah oh my God I have a thing for soda I love it man I know they gave me water but oh a soda I don't even see that right there excuse me on M Pepsi no that's actually diet which is cool I'm not on a diet and it's funny cuz people go well then why do you drink diet soda so I can eat regular cake I love cake man are you kidding by the way I want to thank the three people who brought me a cake personally I have them in the back I really appreciate that was very nice of you the management and the promoters are freaking out they're like Gabriel why do they all bring you cake I go because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake and so people bring it my friend Mond got mad he's like why don't you talk about who ERS but yeah somebody asked me earlier too they said Gabriel when you when you get to do your special are you going to do anything about the country you going to talk about politics well I'm going to talk about first of all how I love this country and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else I know that half the world right now thinks that our leader is the devil and most of us would agree he's not I don't have to make fun of the president he does it by himself okay he does it by himself every time he comes on TV I can't wait to hear what he has to say especially during press conferences right Mr President question it's been over a year what is your plan for Katrina we're going to find her that's right and we're going to bring Katrina to Justice we have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to alqaeda kada Katrina they both start with a K our president got elected I didn't vote for him but then again I didn't vote for the other guy either I was just like how Bush won is beyond me Americans we love to vote but we don't vote for presidents we vote for things like American Idol because that's fun voting for presidents is not fun voting for American She Bang She Bang that's what they should do for presidents you know just put both guys on TV for one hour call it something catchy like who's going to run this [ __ ] you put them on TV for an hour let them argue 30 minutes into the special you put a 800 number on the screen and say cast your vote right you've reached the presidential hotline for George Bush press three John Carrey press four other options press five you don't like either one press five please hold [Laughter] [Music] I knew you'd be back that's right you know you miss your [Applause] daddy God I'm such a dark I don't care I honestly don't think that the people that that work behind the scenes like the spotlight operators get enough credit whether it's the spotlight operators the people that run the cameras the people that set up the stages the people that work security the people that run the building without them there is no show and the same thing goes with me I got my own support team managers agents promoters you know uh freaking merchandise people I have a bus driver named Dave who has never received any credit and he's been working for me for almost 10 years now this man this man has successfully gotten me to every single comedy show on time without fail if I had to describe him to you okay Dave looks like the word America not America America he's about 6 feet tall he's white he has a Gray beard and he wears a trucker hat and he's got to be one of the most hardworking people I have ever met now when I say hardworking hey I'm on the road 46 weeks out of the year so I know difference is I fly home every Monday Tuesday Wednesday Dave stays on that bus and he gets it to the next city where we meet him he works anniversaries holidays special moments Christmas time I was with my family Dave was driving that bus on the East Coast New Year's I was with my family Dave was on the East Coast driving that bus one of the hardest working people I've ever met I just want to give him a shout out in addition to being hardworking he's uh he's he's very honest now when I say honest I don't mean oh he does his taxes right I mean painfully honest no filter honest he talks the way people used to he does not have time to mince words he just calls it like he sees it before me he used to uh work with a man by the name of Kenny G Grammy Award winner amazing amazing music um one day Kenny G was on his tour bus that Dave was driving and I guess the two of them had a little discussion and Kenny G used some words that Dave would have rather him not have used and instead of getting into it with him this is what Dave [Music] does kicked Kenny G off of his own bus because he would rather lose his job than lose his self respect and that's the man I work with he's a bad dude you guys are clapping but you should have seen the interview oh man it was a good one he looks at me and he says hey let's get one thing straight I don't give a [ __ ] who you are you treat me right I'll treat you right you pay me on time you live not to mention the fact that he keeps that tour bus squeaky clean and he takes a lot of pride in that as well one night I was drinking on the bus and I go to put my my cup down and I missed the table and the cup hit the floor I didn't get up right away to get the cup because I figured I'mma get up in a couple minutes and make myself another drink I'll pick up the cup then Dave sees the cup on the floor and then he looks at me and says hey I ain't sure Mama pick that [ __ ] up [Applause] I get to the back of the bus and I'm like wait a minute I pay him hey Dave shut up yeah I'll be in the back in my room thank you drive save and people tell me you work with a man who talks that way to you why let me tell you why because he's honest with Dave you know exactly what you get nowadays it is so hard for me to tell who's being genuine and who has an agenda and with him you know exactly where you stand if he likes you he loves you and if not you're on the curb with Kenny G that being said I have a story to share about a year and a half ago maybe longer we're on the bus and we're heading down the highway just you have kind of an understanding of the bus layout let's say this is the front here's Dave the driver empty seat and then a sliding door that goes in between him and the rest of the tour bus my buddy Alfred and I are in the living room portion and we're watching TV we're watching the news and on the news there's this person who is running for some type of office no particular office and I guess their big plan is to erect a structure between two bodies of land somewhere and I guess they want one side of the structure to finance the entire project well my buddy Alfred and I we have a lot of family that works in construction and we know a bad job when we see one so we started to voice our opinion out loud L about how we felt about this person and what they wanted to do we're being very loud so loud Dave can hear us and then we hear Dave America I yell out to Dave I said be quiet Dave this isn't about you he Taps a button on the dashboard that activates the sliding door and when the door is about that far from closing he yells out I'm building a [Applause] wall I couldn't even get upset because I was too much in shock over the fact that that came out of someone four feet away from me my buddy Alfred and I we look like chickens we're like my cell phone goes off I take out my phone and there's a text message from Dave and I said that's right he better say I'm sorry he better say just kidding I open up the text message and it says and you're paying for [Applause] it and people tell me you still work with him after that yeah yes I do I trust that man with my life every single night I know where his heart's at he can say whatever he wants at the end of the day he still has to drive around the king of the Mexicans the point to this story is just because you have a difference in opinion it doesn't mean that you can't have respect for one another that you can't have love for one another that you can't have incredible friendships with one another it's our differences that make us special what a lot of us need to work on is our delivery it's all in the way you say things that's why text messages are always misinterpreted because you read the text according to how you feel what does it mean hello yeah anyway Dave has gotten us to uh 40 48 of the 50 states um he doesn't travel with us outside of America he prefers it that way I took a I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the beetle in the SUV took a road trip from LA to Phoenix to go perform at this club let me tell you who's in the car I'm driving I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun he's another fluffy guy we call him sexy [ __ ] I don't call him that his wife calls him that he's a sexy bit anyway in the back seat I got my friend Martin next to him is my friend Philipe so we take off we're on the 10 freeway we're passing all these Indian [Music] casinos sorry we're stupid like that anyway all of a sudden all these cars start passing me right I'm getting annoyed cuz I'm driving a I said next car that tries to pass me I'm not going to let him so I'm looking in the rear view mirror waiting looking waiting waiting and I see a silver dot the silver dot turned out to be a little car with two hooches in it right some of you guys are going how do you know they're hoochies cuz my friend Martin was in the back seat going I feel a disturbance in the force they tried to go around and I cut them off I'm having fun they're back there whatever my friend Philipe is in the back seat yelling at me fo what are you doing I go dude don't worry I'm having fun on G you're going to get pulled over dude I'm okay it's cool we're arguing going back and forth I'm not paying attention I don't see a California highway patrol officer creeping up on us all of a sudden I hear I look at the speedometer 102 oh I freaked out the little car that was behind me with the two hoochi they got pulled over cuz they were going just as fast you know I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out oh my God I'm going go to jail can't believe I'm on the verge of tears from the back seat I hear my friend Felipe fool what are you crying for what are you crying for fool you're not the one with weed in his pocket are [Applause] you you have drugs in the car I told you to slow down didn't I but no Pikachu knows everything shoot everybody roll down your window at the car Mando fart do something man the cop walks over the window looks in sees my face recognizes me from TV right he's like hey I know you you're a comedian yeah you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a dirty Mexican and then you go but it was funny huh oh I love that joke that one and when you go chocolate cake oh I love that joke I hate to do this to you but we got two cars involved I need your license and registration okay here you go here you go so he takes my info goes back to the car with the two girls in it right the whole time he's back there I tell everybody in the car check it out he just recognized me from TV maybe if we have some fun with him crack some jokes maybe he won't take the car I don't care if I get a ticket but as long as he doesn't take the car M be silly crack a joke my thinge be funny Felipe what fool shut the hell up so the cow comes back to the car what the hell were you doing out there before I could think of something funny to say from the back seat I hear fool he was testing the suspension oh my God this pothe head's going to get me arrested officer I'm sorry that's my friend Felipe that's the guy from the special that's the guy who says but it was funny huh he's just trying to get me in trouble I'm really sorry whatever so he goes back to a squad car with my driver's license and he's swiping it in a computer the whole time he's doing that he's being yelled at from the back seat of my car hey officer thank God you have a computer last week we got stopped in Mexico that fool had a Rolodex the cop starts dying I go oh we got him going we got him going I told my buddy Mando give me my CDs I take out my bad boys Two soundtrack and I pop it in track three is the theme song to Cops I tell my friend Felipe tell tellone when the cop starts walking okay F here he comes I crank that song as loud as I could bad boys what you going what you going what you going to [Music] do best part now the cop is walking to the beat [Music] [Applause] even better than that the two hoochies in the car can hear the music and they're freaking out they're like oh my God we're going to be on TV the cop goes to the girls gives them a ticket lets them go looks at our car and at this point we're like halfway through the song right we're like give it no [Laughter] oh man got our arms out the window like a bunch of idiots the cop is in the middle of the freeway dying he walks over to the window and he's like shut it up yes sir hands me my license in the registration and he tells me Gabriel I want you to do me a big favor I want you to keep this tank under a hundred you think you can do that do that for me keep on doing what you do and you have yourself a nice day whoa that's it no ticket no ticket I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go why how come the girls got a ticket and he tells me the coolest thing he says cuz they couldn't make me laugh W you don't understand Gabriel I've been on the forest now for 26 years this is hands down the funniest damn traffic stop I've ever been a part of do you have any idea how hard it is to give two [ __ ] a ticket while listening to Cops I damn near pissed myself I was laughing so hard this is going in the books as one of the funniest things ever happened to a police officer I swear to God the only story better than this one is a buddy of mine pulled over some fat guy that gave him [Applause] donuts so he starts walking away right and just as I'm about to start the car so so does that mean I can keep my weed I turn around to yell at my friend too late the cop is at the window you want to run that by me again son you heard what I said fool oh you think this a big joke don't you you think that just cuz I gave your buddy here a break I know who he is I like what he does I don't know you I don't like you step out of the car I turn around and my friend Philipe is like oh I am so scared and the cop pulls out his gun I'm freaking out I'm like oh my God back seat my friend Filipe oo oo I am so scared oh he's good he is good then he points it at him the look on my friend filipe's face Priceless are you serious are you serious I'm going go to jail I'm going to go to jail the cop was like nah but that was funny [Applause] huh e

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 811,929

Keywords: George Lopez, Alfred Robles, Gabriel Iglesias, Mr. Iglesias, Fluffy, Stand Up Comedy, Comedy, Comedy Central

Id: 2ItluzSUF8A

Length: 22min 39sec (1359 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 03 2024