Worst Thing You've Ever Done for Money

what is the worst thing you've ever done for money i think i've told this story before and i'm late to the party when i was a teenager a man offered me 100 to pee in his coffee cup at a 24 coffee house i hung out at i did it and then he looked me directly in the eyes as he drank it this happened several times to a 15 year old having someone pay you to pee and then drink it seemed awesome and it was then i got older and learned it was a fetish and for some reason it shocked me i don't regret it though coma to a 15 year old having someone pay you to pee and then drink it seemed awesome and it was as a 27 year old i can confirm that this would still be awesome i would quit my job and open up business where i just sold p for people to drink at least this is what i would have done if the miller brewing company and anheuser-busch hadn't cornered the market very late early in the morning 2am or so i was going home from the bars and walked up a very long stretch of subway stairs i was wearing a short skirt the guy behind me offered me 100 to walk up the stairs again and well i needed the money i walked up the stairs again he gave me the money i walked away that is a lot of money just to walk up some stairs i worked as a personal assistant to a 22 year old who was in the midst of a psychotic breakdown he hired me while he was drunk at a mutual friend's birthday party he paid me eight dollars hr to hang out with him in his apartment do his laundry drive him around buy him socks and watch movies with him he hired my boyfriend as his personal chef and another of our friends as his vice president he would have me go over to his apartment to heat up food before bringing dates home to trick them into thinking he had a butler he sent me on a two-day expedition to pick up a blown-up printer of the movie poster for the johnny depp willy wonka movie he had me research spongebob episodes for some reason my boyfriend cooked cornish game hens and lobsters for him every day i wrote some of his college papers for him eventually he decided to expand his business and hired a bunch of harvard students as interns and bought them all power books they just sat around all day in his kitchen day in and out confused as frick he made us play touch football together every afternoon we had nothing but smirnoff ice and red bull in the fridge eventually it culminated in him taking us out for a night of debauchery which ended up at a sleazy tattoo parlor where he told us he'd give us money to tattoo his name on our bodies he got a tattoo two of the interns got tattoos and my best friend who was along for the ride got a tattoo i agreed to let him pay to pierce my nipple for a lesser sum of money ultimately he wound up crying hysterically while making out with my best friend the next day his mother visited found out what was going on froze his assets and shut the whole thing down he bought us an arcade game killer instinct to put in our apartment a severance pay and dropped out of school we found out later that he had formally gone to brown university where he was expelled for selling mushrooms but because his father was a judge he got off it was the weirdest summer of my life i made about three thousand five hundred dollars coma to trick them into thinking he had a butler it sounds from the story that you were indeed a butler not so much the worst thing i did for money but the worst thing i ever paid for inspired by the slug story i worked at a summer camp for a long time and one year there were these huge worms everywhere as it had been a wet summer these suckers were like six inches long and half an inch wide i told a bunch of nine-year-olds i'd give them a dollar each if they ate a worm but very quickly the market economics of the situation drove the price down as some of these nine-year-olds displayed some sharp business savvy undercutting one another until the price was down to five cents worm i am responsible for worm genocide at a summer camp and it only cost me about three dollars and a lot of puking children this is an economist's wet dream i paid my way through college with odd jobs and contract work started with little fix-its then went into some pretty neat work where i would help people brainstorm on ways to fix their problems usually office related problems logistics customer complaints even building enough desktop computers with parts off newegg to fill two entire floors worth of offices with higher-end computers at a fraction of the cost to buy them off the shelf slowly after becoming reliable and trustworthy a few of the companies would have me move things at weird hours boxes and bins of records escort people and things through rough areas and sometimes across multiple states sometimes i was just along to be a large quiet guy in the room conspicuously not wearing a suit created a throwaway for this part but there were a few times not many where i was asked to find industrial construction sites that were laying a foundation which means a thick slab of concrete not likely to go anywhere for a long time find them and gain quiet access to the sights the night before the concrete pouring i did construction when i was younger and i still knew a lot of people working these sorts of sites so a few phone calls is all it took while i don't have direct confirmation of the reason the price i was paid leads me to believe that it likely involved bodies you were a consultant for the mob you were actually a consultant for the mob my god you've won this one once upon a time i had long hair and wore skinny jeans and was wearing a big winter jacket and was a feminine young teenage boy the point is that sometimes people thought i was a girl one day after a long day at work i was exhausted i sat down on the bus 11 45 at night and this super drunk guy sits down a few seats back and drunkenly says hey what's up i nod at him about halfway to my house he moves into the seat right behind me and leans over hey you all right darling at this point i realize he thinks i'm a girl and don't want to freak him out by talking with my obviously male voice so i just say amiki he nods and sits back down in his own spot about 30 seconds before my bus stop he gets up moves to the seat behind me looks around quickly and puts a hundred dollar bill next to me then goes back and sits down i look at him utterly shocked and he gives me this sly smile and nod and motions me towards him obviously i took the money and got off the bus i didn't actually do anything aside from look pretty but i still felt pretty dirty ah man you should have said thanks buddy in your manliest voice as you were exiting the bus took a shot off dave's insanity source for a crisp 20 bill in hindsight it was a poor choice i puked fire almost immediately after a few hours later i crap magma haven't touched the stuff since i dared a friend to do the same he said he was in so much pain he was afraid he might die then a few minutes later he was scared that he might not i cleaned houses in my lingerie gig i picked up in art school at first i love it twenty dollars hr they aren't allowed to touch the clients were really respectful of course all of them wanted you to scrub the floor on your hands and knees after a month i started to feel awful about myself degraded my last client treated me terribly acted like i was a slave he told me i did a bad job and made me do it again and again and again until i was in tears that's what he wanted he paid me tipped me very well i felt gross and quit after my stepsister once found 10 at the fair she decided to do the right thing and turn it in i later on went to the office and pretended like i lost my 10 i felt bad but i knew nobody was going to claim that crap you should have bought her something with it i dated this girl for a while she called me up one day and said do you feel like making an easy five hundred dollars i asked her what i had to do and she said watch this weird dude jack off i was like frick you're as long as i don't have to touch him or have him touch me so i went over there and it was in this mansion near the marina district in sf she and i watched him masturbate she had already made one thousand dollars watching him do it once once he was done he asked if we knew anyone else who would participate in the end we had about six of my friends over to his house and we all sat in a semi-circle around him at a range of about 15 feet he wanted us no closer and we watched him jerk off everyone involved made over one thousand dollars in less than an hour i would have to say i would do this every every day for that kind of money freaking weirdo i guess that is the how the one percent spends their money at least that one percent is spending the money locally and not outsourcing his sick version of trickle down i too would do that for a living when i was about 17 some freshman girls at my school asked if i could get them any sort of pills i told them yeah and asked what they wanted the girls said ecstasy i knew where to get ecstasy but they wanted it within the next six hours or so knowing they were complete idiots i told them it would be ten dollars per pill so they asked for three i got a plastic bag and put three vitamin c tablets in it and sold it to them the next week they asked me for more because they said it barely worked amazing lived in los angeles i was handed two thousand dollars in cash a greyhound ticket to vegas and a car key i was to get to vegas go to a specific hotel casino find a specific car in a specific lot and drive it back to los angeles and leave it in a specific place i would receive an additional three thousand dollars on my return i was not to attempt to look in the trunk i was not to take anyone with me i was not to make any stops along the way i had 48 hours i did it no questions asked and with plenty of time to spare i did it three more times in six months each under the same conditions i have plenty of ideas of what may have been in those trunks especially knowing the people that were supplying the cash looking back now i'm dang freaking happy i never got caught i used to sell sudafed to a guy for sixty dollars a box one weekend i made six hundred dollars i used to ride around with the boxes stuffed under my back seat i felt terrible because i knew what the guy was doing with them but when you're a full-time college student you can really use the extra money i broke into someone's house with the intention of planting incriminating evidence on a guy's hard drive in an effort to get his girlfriend to break up with him the goal was for my employer to subsequently swoop in and steal her the funny thing was i didn't even need to implant the fake stuff i had brought the guy already had some pretty sick crap on his hard drive so all i had to do was make copies and leave them in a conspicuous place for the girlfriend to find and that's the story of how i was able to afford my xbox in college since my vehicle wouldn't be recognized by those involved i drove a man in his 30s across town to spy on his girlfriend wife i can't remember which who was rumored to be out with another man the she was i got 20 and a case of bud light not really bad but i felt skeezy doing it since i barely knew these people and i provided a path to his heartache for beer basically the person falter is his wife girlfriend not you or the guy you drove to the op i saw your story going a whole different direction when the manager wiggled his finger and say follow me to the freezer i used to do homework for people help people cheat on tests would bring in a few hundred bucks lol yeah he wasn't a creeper just sold nasty stale old pies i worked as a loan agent for a pawn shop there was a parking lot that the porn store sold 200 year parking lot passes to college students the porn stores lot was right next to campus this was all fine and dandy but the lot needed to be enforced so that everyone who paid for a pass had a place to park this was a side job that management had given to us we technically didn't have to do it so why did we well just hang on a sick it was my job to go out periodically with a list of permitted license plate holders and put a boot on the car that parked without permission the cost of removing the boot was 50 dollars or we call a tow company cash only no cards etc the incentive was that for any car we collected a 50 boot release fee we personally retained the 50 bucks i used to make anywhere between 150 to 500 extra dollars a week doing this because so many college students and professors were in a rush to class or didn't see our signs i made much more money around christmas time when the hill just next to us was covered in snow and used for sledding yes we booted family's cars while they took their kids sledding merry christmas b t l doctor i pocketed 50 dollars from unpermitted persons that parked in my stores parking lot while essentially ruining their days i sat in a tiny room making spreadsheets for 18 years i have a new job now sitting in a tiny room making spreadsheets don't let this happen to you in middle school there were some boys going to door-to-door selling bread my friends and i realized they had money from selling bread so we told them we'd kiss them for five dollars i didn't do this but it happened to me last year while attending college i stopped at a store one night to stock up on beer for the night while i was walking in a woman in a beat up old green car called out to me and asked me to come over to her she looked like she was on the verge of crying and gave me her sob story about how she was 20 minutes away from home and she ran out of gas but didn't have enough money to make it back it was close to christmas so being the sucker i am i handed her all of what i had in my wallet about eight dollars or so i said merry christmas and turned around and left she didn't even say thank you a little fishy but i just shrugged it off fast forward a year later i was at the same store grabbing you guessed it more beer for the night with some friends when the same woman in the same green car pulled up by us but she gave us the exact same story and asked for a few bucks i told my friends that it was a scam and gave her a dirty look on our way out i watched her giving the same sob story to a couple of other people and i yelled she's lying don't listen to her they walked away and the woman who apparently was out of gas sped away and gave me the harshest death stare i've even gotten moral of the story if you're going to lie about being out of gas to get drug money at least go to a different store each time i was a college entrance coach and wrote essays for rich kids one kid was the son of the founder of a weight loss system and was such a shallow dance i was flawed he got into any school at all i wrote his essay longest i ever worked with a client was three years sophomore junior and senior a year directing her on what courses to stick with what extra suited her interests and how to kick it up a notch etc basically what would pump up her academic forecast index i didn't have to write her essay for her but gave her basic pointers philosophical advice i'd like to read an e-armor on this i answered an ad on craigslist when i was 18 went over to a guy's house and let him take pictures of me fully clothed but tied up and bound with robes and m style i was dressed sexy secretary style pencil skirt blouse and heels he took some video of me struggling dramatically like i was trying to free myself 200 for one hour he was totally respectful and let me phone my boyfriend to tell him the address when i got there i never went back because it was just too weird but no regrets that could have easily gone horribly horribly horribly wrong i have stolen taken over the lives of two people for 15 years and counting using their money to support myself this heist began at birth most honest post yet i ate a tadpole for one dollar i drank a bottle of habanero hot sauce for five dollars it burned worse when i vomited it back up a few minutes later i ate eight or nine packets of mustard at in the lunch room in school for attention also did ketchup i tried mayo once and about puked i've never tried may again i once found an index card on the floor of the bus i picked it up rubbed it in the grooves on the floor and swallowed that thing whole five dollars i lost 100 trying to drink a whole gallon of milk i am not a clever man i've been playing guitar since i was 9 years old so obviously i'm quite good at it when i was a senior in high school i rode the metro into downtown saint louis dressed up in my worst clothes and played guitar on the street corner next to the metro station want to know how much money an 18 year old white kid dressed in crappy clothes playing prog on his acoustic guitar next to the metra station makes in a few hours dollar sign 314 and they told me to get a job i thought about doing it again but i couldn't trick people like that more than once i once shaved a friend's hairy back gathered up the hair glued it to my face and sang god bless america at a local bar all for the month's rent seriously that actually sounds like a reasonable level of compensation my friend and i stole 150 dollars from my friend's older brother and bought pokemon cards we got in so much trouble and i would have felt bad if i hadn't have pulled a hollow for i'll cherish it worth it i worked on a frack drilling rig for one day they had thousands of pounds of chemicals that got drained on and the bags were falling apart so they had me cut open all these bags marked dispose of properly and toxic and dumped them into a pond nearby since they couldn't use them if that's the crap they have someone new who they don't know do i can't even imagine the secret crap they do when no one is looking i did not go back the next day and soon after got a job with the nature conservancy comma if that's the crap they have someone new who they don't know do i can't even imagine the secret crap they do when no one is looking shows that they have absolutely no fear at all of getting caught or punished i'm no nature not by any stretch but that is disgusting after a long night of drinking in my early twenties a girl and i were drunkingly consuming waffle house the whole time we were there a creepy middle-aged man with steve buscamie-esque features were staring at the girl i was with now this girl was a few years younger than me and was more infatuated with my position than myself in general she had been begging me all night to stay at my place because her roommate and her boyfriend were having a romantic night and she didn't want to hear that again it was one of those situations where she was much more into me than i was into her but i was drunk and had otherwise struck out that night no doubt due to her stage five cleaner behavior seeing an opportunity to pay for my waffle house adventure i excused myself from the table to use the restroom and walked over to the guy i told him for ten dollars i would get the girl i was with to show her tea he looked at me kind of shocked that i broke into this forever alone world but just smiled as i proceeded to the bathroom upon returning to the bathroom i suggested to the girl that if she flashed me i would let her stay at my place at night needless to say boobs came out and upon leaving the fine establishment a 10 bill accompanied with a creepy smile was sitting at the creepy man's table being an upstanding gentleman of course i held up my end of the bargain and let the girl stay at my place t.l doctor i am a horrible person that's a win-win-win situation worked as a bouncer during the summer while i was in college this elder gay man would come in every thursday and sit next to me while i watched the door this went on for several weeks he was interesting and had a lot of stories to tell but was one of those people that were just lonely for any kind of attention i didn't mind talking with him because it helped pass the time on the slow nights i later found out that he was a professor at rice university one night he asked if i would be interested in doing a favor and make some much needed extra money i reminded him that i wasn't gay but would help him out because i thought that he was a nice man he reassured me that nothing sexual would take place he gave me his address and asked if i would show up at his place around 10 pm the following night i pull up to his house in rice village and knock on the door a younger gentleman answers and says the professor is in the studio he leads to the back of the house and the old man is perched atop this huge silk pillow and he is wearing a baby blue smoking jacket and fez this whole scene is rather surreal to me and i am standing there rather dumbfounded i turned to leave but the younger man put his hand on my shoulder and said please don't go i walked back to the professor and he asked how i was and not to be alarmed i asked what this was all about and on cue the younger man steps forward holding a copper bedpan therefore professor explained that he and his partner have a unique fetish and if i would indulge them he would pay me two thousand dollars dollars for my time being rather naive i didn't quite grasp what he had in mind the look on my face must have said it all he told me that he would like to in his words evacuate my bowels and drain my bladder into the copper bedpan he pulled out 2100 bills and said it was mine for doing the task i agreed and the younger man escorted me to the bathroom he repeated what the professor had told me earlier and said i was to leave after filling the pan i was 21 a broke college student and the money was astronomical to me at the time i nodded my head in acknowledgment and he left me to complete the task at hand i'm a big guy at that time i was six feet five inches and weighed around 320 i spent my summer bulking up on protein and hitting the gym my shoots could melt porcelain with a great feeling of uneasiness i squatted over the pot and unleashed a huge steaming pile of crap i wiped turned around and topped the bowl off with a nice long pea i let myself out drove to the closest titty bar and proceeded to wash away the dirtiness with cheap whiskey and fake boobs tldr a strange college professor befriended me and paid me to crap and pee into a copper pot and paid me two thousand dollars in high school my buddy and i become the art club's president and treasurer respectively we were broke so we robbed a club for gas money and beer we found free things the club could do so it's not like we stole the cash and screwed them over we also set up a fake field trip collected the cash buying from everyone and through a giant party the whole club was in on it their parents pitched in fifty dollars a person and we had a raging kegger the parents believed we were heading up north for a one night camping trip so we could work on our still-life paintings instead we drank ourselves silly and smoked a ton of weed there was plenty of cash left over to get some convincing receipts the art club never found out however one of the students ratted us out when we got back my buddy and i got suspended for five days that's actually a pretty light sentence when you think about it also another friend and i threw a raging kegger when the ps2 came out we charged everyone walking in ten dollars when we hit 650 dollars we called 911 and got the party busted up we then left and stood in line to get our free ps2s that's probably the worst thing i've done especially since we used some random person's house i work at a retail store we hired this one lady who was really sweet after about six weeks her husband died unexpectedly company policy says you have to have worked full-time for a full year before you qualify for any sort of leave we worked her schedule as best we could but it wasn't much help as she had to come back to work like a week after her husband died she was absolute mess understandably we tried to overlook everything but customers started to complain about her odor and she sometimes started crying in the middle of a sale i had to sit that poor woman down and fire her a month after her husband's death i have never in my entire life felt like such a crappy crappy crap the worst part was how understanding she was as i was firing her if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] do do bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 19,689

Rating: 4.9411764 out of 5

Keywords: worst things done for money, for momeny, not proud, not proud of what i did, not proud of myself, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: cJZtUmgphuk

Length: 25min 58sec (1558 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 24 2021