- Where you at though? Where you at? - 34, 24, shabloimps, blip blip. Oh man, check this out
dawg, check this out. Look at his fine piece of ass all the way down the street here, dawg. - That's what I'm talking
about though. Hey girl! Yeah, walk this way with that fine ass. So blip!
- Yeah girl. Why don't you come down here
and put that in my mouth, 'cause daddy want a snack. - Blip, blap, taking a bap. - Why you hurting me girl?
- Frisky. - Why you hurting me?
- Friskety. - That's deliciousness. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Keep it coming. Ye... And that is a professional
basketball mascot. - That is a man in an
orange rhinoceros costume. - Hell, I'd (beep) that rhino. ♪ But I don't need you ♪ (bluesy music)
(church bells ringing) - Wooee Miss Clarissa,
I'm gonna tell you girl, in that dress you're
looking about as sweet as a field full of honeysuckle
after spring rain shower. How do you do it, girl? - That ass, though.
(harmonica music) - What was that?
- What was what? - What you just said to her. - Oh, well I was just following your lead. - No, you wasn't. You was being all heavy
handed with it, man. You gotta be subtle. Subtle.
- Exactly. You gotta be subtle you
want to talk to them ladies. - I can do that.
- Look here. - Woooee, Ms. Denise, girl, the way that dress is flowing, you look like a mountain
reek after a spring thaw, simply refreshing. What if your secret? - Way that dress fitting on you, got them titties popping out. - What? - Amazing. What is your secret? - What are you doing? - I was just doing what you was doing. - No, you wasn't. - I even said "What is your
secret," that's verbatim. - That part was. Did you hear me saying anything
about anybody's titties? - No.
- You know what? How about we just say no words altogether? - No words altogether.
- Mmmhmm. - Question.
- Yeah? - How will I talk? - You're not going to talk, okay? - [Peele] Right. - Wooooee, ladies, I'm
sorry, y'all hurting my eye. Y'all just like smoldering like the sun and just as bright in
them beautiful dresses. (Peele humming suggestively) - Mm, vagina. - What the hell was that? - Oop, I did say a word at
the end there, didn't I? - Did you see the part
where all this was going on and shaking your tail
feathers and whatnot? - I didn't see it, I got
the worst view in the house. - That's what chased them away, man. - All right.
- You know what? Stay away from me.
- All right. - Woooee, Miss Laverne, you
like a long-stemmed rose, the way you looking
and smelling, mm mm mm. What is your recipe? - Damn boy, I bet you got
a big old dick and balls. - I love you.
(harmonica music) - [Key] Oh man, I really
had to get outta the house. - I'm just glad you came out. - Appreciate it.
- For real. - Man check this girl
out, man, she is fine. - She aight. - Really?
- Hey man, I am going to go to the bathroom. - Okay man, see ya in a minute. - You know what? I told myself this morning,
I wasn't gonna fall in love. You went and made me break my only rule. I'm gonna take that right quick. I am going to take that.
I'm going to use that. Okay?
- Oh, hey, what's up man? You just got her number, huh? - Yeah, Cheyenne. - Oh, is that her name? - Yeah, she was fly. - See, that's the girl
I was talking about. - Oh snap. Are you serious? - Yeah, dude.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Ain't no thing man, forget it man. There's plenty of hotties here. - I just thought you were
talking about someone else. - Check her out. (Peele zooming) - I'm not a sports man,
but think me and you could touch down later, if
you know what I'm saying. Am I being stupid? But for real though, just
gimme your number, whatever. Thank you, girl, I'm gonna take that. - How did you get over here so fast? - Huh? - Nothing, it just seemed like you... - [Reporter] The death toll
has climbed to seven... - [Key] Damn, that
reporter is smoking hot. (menacing music)
What that (beep)? No. No. No. Huh? Yeah. No, no. - [Woman] Hey baby. - How are you, how are you doing that? - [Woman] Honey, what's wrong? - Baby, I love you. I'm sorry, I was out. I was looking at other women tonight but you are all there is. I love you. (menacing music) (Middle Eastern music) - Jahar my friend, there are a lot of beautiful women out here today. - Kadeem, my friend, you speak the truth. - I do what I can. - Wow.
- Right? - Blip.
- Shabloimps. - You know, I caught a little
glimpse of her foot nut. - You saw ankle bone? You got some ankle cleavage,
you dirty devil, huh? You saw? (overlapping talking) Very good, very good, very good. (tongue waggling)
Love that. - Dude, did you see the
bridge on that nose? - I mean, if it is any
indication, holy garbanzo beans. - There is a bridge I'd like to cross. (both laughing) - This is my boy. This is
my boy. This is my boy. - Huh. - Not a lot to go on.
- Not really, not really - Good height.
- Good height. - Good height.
- Crazy tall. - Like 5'9". - Huh? Come on, come on, come on, come on. She's tall.
- That's right. - She's tall.
- She's tall. - There's nothing too tall. - Let me see, let me see it from behind. Let me see it from behind. That's how you hit it,
that's how you hit it. - Jahar, can I tell you something
in confidence right now? - What is it?
- I'm a virgin. (exciting music) - Oh my God Jahar, my friend.
- Yes Rajim? - We are a long way from home. - Every American woman is more
infidel than the last right. - You're telling me my good friend. Nine o'clock, nine o'clock, nine o'clock. - Blip.
- Shabloimp. - Okay? Come on. Full frontal face? Only in America baby. - [Both] Only in America. - What did you see? - This is yours, and then that is yours. What did you see? What did see? - I tell you what I saw.
- What? - I see a little bit of forearm, a little bit of the thigh,
and I saw some ankle nut. - You got ankle nut?
- Oh I got ankle nut. - The whole baba ganoush, huh? - In America, it's like
we got the X-ray vision. - Oop, here we go, here we go, here we go. Holy tabbouleh, would you look at the leg elbows on that one? Woo!
- Tell you what. (both laughing) What I wouldn't do for
six seconds with her? (both laughing) - What would you do? - I want to show you right now. - You're gonna show me? - Spot me man. (voices overlapping) I'll show what I'd do right now. I would pump it high and low. And then I would lift it to the ceiling. Lift it to the ceiling.
(Rajim squealing) Working the body. - [Both] Working the
body, working the body, working the body, working the body. Do it to the head, give it to
the head, give it to the head. - Oop, oop, belly button. We got belly button in the building. We got belly button. (both gasping) That's belly button my friend. - I couldn't believe we saw belly button. I've never seen a belly
button on a woman before. I thought it was a myth.
- Yes. It's like the butthole of the belly. - It is, what I wouldn't do for. - What would you do?
- Give me. - Show me, show me. - I will if you give me the ball. - Show me, show me, show me, show me. - I'm gonna show it to you right now. - I'm ready, I'm ready. Ho, come on, you can feel it. - Grab the hair, do it. (overlapping voices) Let's switch positions. Let's do it.
- Lock 'em up. - I will show you the world. - Shining, shimmering, splendid. - Don't you dare close your eyes. - Yes, princess, yes... Infidels. - Homosexual American devils. - Give them the whistle of disapproval. - I will right now. (wolf whistles) - That is my boy. - That should teach them.
- That is my boy, huh? (classical music) - Here is your white wine. - Thank you.
- You are welcome. Hey Pete, little thirsty tonight? Ha, yeah, super thirsty. - Pete, this is Herasa.
Herasa, this is Pete. Herasa just got back from Africa. - Oh Africa. - Anyways, you were saying? - Oh, the AUC.
- Oh, right. - So this conflict is exactly the reason the African Union Commission
was put in place to address. - [Herasa] The Organization
of African Unity certainly wasn't gonna do anything. - Exactly, and if Kosta Glamini Zuma wants to do anything about Bongwi, she certainly being quiet about it. - The worst thing about Bongwi is that no one knows what's going on. - Oh I know, right? - I mean, look at right next
door in the South Sudan. - Here's the thing, everybody
just thinks that it's like it's the Lion King over there, you know? - Lion King. - Excuse me? - It's not the Lion King. - Exactly. - I mean, what do people think, a baboon is gonna hold
a lion cub over a rock, up to the sun while all
these little animals sing? - Anyway, something
else I wanted to mention is they have the manpower because Amazon has 25,000 troops just
sitting there in Somalia. - It's not a three
animated hyena situation. That doesn't make any sense. The bad isn't Scar over there. - Um, yeah. Yeah, that's right. It's not like Scar's the bad guy - Huh, well, I mean, you know the truth is no one knows who to blame, because in reality Amazon
doesn't have that much control. - They don't.
- Like Simba. Oh, like Simba. He had no control over. He was plucked out from his home and went on a whole
journey before he came back and was just in the middle of a war that really had nothing to do with him. - You know, Pete, I'd be really interested in hearing your thoughts on the UN's policies in East Africa. - Hakuna matata. - Unbelievable.
- Yes. My God, that sums it up perfectly. Wow, there's so much
work still to be done. - Yes, that's what I was saying. - It's been going on for so many years - So many years, circle of life. - Hmm, exactly. That's really brilliant - I don't know about brilliant. Let's dial it back, I'm just a man. - Okay I'm gonna go get
some hors d'oeuvres. - Okay, no need to announce it. - What are your thoughts
on the Middle East? - Aladdin. - Yeah. ("Key and Peele Theme") ♪ I want you ♪ ♪ But I don't need you ♪
