Why You're Not A Priority

all right I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter the top of this newsletter is going to be why you're not a priority I've got a couple emails I'm going to go through but before we gonna do it I got a quote that I wrote I like to share with you and it says if you don't feel you deserve someone or something in your heart you'll think speak and act in ways that demonstrate this to them and the universe the quickest way to get someone else's attention is to remove yours removing your attention and focus from people and circumstances you want is how you lose your attachment to needing them in your life it's the difference between wanting but not having and becoming accepting of the possibility of having or not having what you want and being okay with either outcome once you're okay with either possibility you'll start acting thinking and speaking in ways that either manifest exactly what you want or bring you an even better possibility you may not have thought of or considered so let's go ahead and jump right into this first guys email he says hey Cory so long story short we had a coaching session back in April and I've read your book several times and watched most of your videos the info is very helpful and I believe has helped me reott racked a girl I was dating just to refresh you on my story I dated a girl that I met in September of last year until February of this year she went pretty cold on me pretty quickly we were dating and hanging out about once a week and things were great at least you thought they were great but all of a sudden she started to become distant and was harder to get dates with her and her communication with me decreased let's definitely signs of a woman who's losing attraction instead of her attraction growing he says then we had a talk back in late February and she told me a relationship is not a priority and that she didn't want to hurt me and she's not good at relationships well that tells me that you were focused on getting her into a commitment locking her down to a relationship and so when you're thinking that way because typically the average guys just like the quote that I shared when you're thinking about a relationship what's going on is deep down you don't think you deserve someone like her you don't think that in the long run she's going to want to choose you and fall in love with you and want to become your girlfriend and so you act in ways and you think in ways and the way you talk and your body language your physiology everything in essence is communicating I don't deserve you I'm not good enough for you and usually to compensate for that you over-pursue you call too much you're too easy you're too available you never tend to stand up for yourself and it starts out with like little subtle testing here and there just to see if she can get you to change the plans or she changes things at the last minute you just always go along with it and we think about this way if you had friends that were jerking you around all the time you would put up with that you're like what's up dude what's up with that or you just wouldn't call those friends and want to hang out them anymore because they're not valuing you or your time I'm going to deep down you don't feel you're good enough then when a woman starts jerking you around and testing your strength and you just go along with it just because you're happy to have a date with her she starts to realize that you don't think you're good enough for it and that's going to cause her to back away and test even more and typically what happens is you start pursuing more and just like you know obviously we had a talk in February so obviously in your mind the reason that you had the talk was that you wanted to lock her down you wanted to feel better about yourself you wanted to feel better about being with her or dating her and you figured some kind of logical conversation was going to get her to change her mind and all it did was make her feel like she's gonna lose her freedom and that's why she bounced on you he says a relationship changed that day from dating to pen pals yeah that's exactly what happens he says after finding her work online I stopped all communication with her back in mid-march but she would text me every so often to say hello and random small talk anyway this went on until late June of this year when we finally met up again in early July for a date fast-forward almost three months later and we were dating and she has warmed up to me tremendously saying things like babe in terms of affection that she has never used before but here's the issue we notice how it is like it's like I said in a quote the quickest way to get somebody else's attention is to remove yours and when you remove your attention then if if you mean anything to or if she misses you if she values you in any way she's going to reach out when she realizes you've stopped moving forward completely but it's hard when you've made a lot of mistakes with his girl over several months to just basically do a 180 and get her to start pursuing and chasing because what happens a lot of time as the girl starts to come back and a guy thinks oh great and then he goes right back to his old behavior and it just pushes her right out of your life and it just reconfirms to her that she made the right decision several months before when she basically blew you off the last time he says but here's the issue presently and the reason for my email altogether we've dated eight months and I can't seem to make her move up the list move me up the list of her priorities well see you're looking at the eight months that you've been seeing this girl like it somehow matters it really doesn't the only thing that matters is how you're showing up right now in the present moment the only thing that matters is how she's treating you right now and a lot of guys mistakenly think hey we've dated for eight months or it's been a year and it's not really going anywhere but the end of day you're still focused on a relationship you're still focused on locking her down to a commitment in order to feel better about yourself in order to feel like okay this girl really does care about me at the end of the day if she's hanging out with you and having fun with you and you guys are hooking up then you're making progress but anytime the guy is doing more than 20 to 30 percent of calling texting and pursuing it's too much in this particular case you shouldn't had to do anything and then when she started reaching out you should just let her do that the fallback position is always just call her once a week invite her out on one date but this girl blew you off previously this is not like a normal case and that's why you wait for her to reach out to you she reaches out to you you make the next date and then you get off the phone he says I can't seem to get her to want to see me more than once a week it's obvious because you're still pursuing her too much she's 29 and very busy between working at night in school but even when she has some downtime she fills it up with other things and I'm always listen to what he says he says I'm always left waiting for her to become available that definitely tells me that you're pursuing too much and a really powerful thing to say but it's obviously very hard for someone in your situation when you're trying to change your ways is like if she's unavailable or she's unsure she's like I don't know I can't really make it the best way to handle that is just to say hey when you figure out your schedule get in touch with me and then you back off and you walk away and you'll do anything at that point maybe a week goes by maybe two weeks goes by and then when she reaches out to you assume she's figured out her schedule or whatever obviously she's missing you more at that point that's had a positive effect on her attraction level and you just simply uses that as an opportunity to set the next date and allow her to come to you and what I would do in this particular case is let her do pretty much all of the calling and texting pursuit because you obviously to some degree when she started coming back you started pursuing more again and kind of caused her to back away because at the end of the day she wouldn't called you and reached out to you if she didn't feel something for you but when things are like this it's always because the guys pursuing too much at the end of the day if she was really in you she really felt those feelings even though she's busy she'd make time for you you would be a priority to her but you don't act like you're deserving of becoming a priority through your actions and the things you're saying and plus the fact all these months later you know six seven months later after we had that first phone session you're basically still doing a lot of the same behaviors that are pushing her away so he says plus she never asked me to get together I always have to ask her when she's free and she often waits till last minute to commit to plans with me well the proper way to handle I says I don't know I gotta get back to you tells me that you're calling her like a few days later and well did you figure it out you figure out your schedule and you're still waiting on her you're still pursuing her and that's and you might think that that's an oculus that's not a big deal but obviously all I have to do is look at her actions and this tells me that instead of just saying great when you figure it out give me a call won't plan something in so what I can tell well what you just share with me is she's probably your green like stay you're gonna go out on Thursday night she's like okay but I'm not really sure what time so um call me on Thursday or call me or I'll call you and so you're sitting around on Thursday evening like an hour for your date you don't know whether or not you're actually gonna go out with her and then she reaches out to you and you're just sitting around waiting a guy who values himself is not going to do that he's when a woman says that she's non-committal and I and it's the best way to respond you just sit with what you do is you just say look when you figure out your schedule give me a call then and we'll plan something don't make a date or it's like a maybe date where you don't know for sure whether or not you're getting together that's weakness a guy who values his time if you're a busy professional you got a busy business you might only have a couple of nights a week to spend with someone and so you don't want to wait until a last minute and find out that she's just going to cancel and ditch you anyways because that sucks but when you act like this when you go along with these things where you're waiting to hear from her at the last minute whether or not you're going to have date and obviously probably sometimes she blows you off and you don't spend any time together with her it's like you've got to be willing to complete this is part of losing your attachment cuz you're obviously attached to this grow you're attached to the relationship and you're fearful of the possibility that is not going to work out for you with her and that's clouding your judgment and it's clouding all of your actions and it's up and she can sense that she could sense that you're more eager you're more into this than she is into it you're just not backing off enough and standing up for yourself and handling you know because I discuss this stuff in my book I discuss how to handle situations like this because at the end of the day a definite date means you have a definite day and a definite time to get together and if a woman will not give you a definite time where she says oh call me in the day of and will confirm or will will tighten up plans whenever a woman says that and just say hey it sounds like your schedules kind of up in the air so why don't you just give me a call when you figure out your schedule and we'll plan something then in other words make a definite date if she won't do it withdraw the offer and just tell her to call you and you have to wait for her to reach out to you again because when you even do you think oh it's just one phone call or it's just one text that's enough that's enough to communicate that you still don't value yourself there's no consequences to her actions of jerking you around that's why after eight months she's still jerking you around and she still hasn't fallen in love with you so he said so I'd like to know what actions I can take to make her want to spend more time with me and also to have her ask me first about hanging out well at the end of the day most women aren't going to do that they're going to call you or text you and say I had a great time here or hey I was thinking about you and so at the end the day when she called you when she texts you you should assume oh she wants to see me let me make that happen in as few steps as possible so he says I follow all of your rules to the best as the situation will allow if you were really following the rules dude you wouldn't be write me about this email he says not talking on the phone too long will the phone is for setting dates and this tells me you're still chit-chatting on the phone it's like because you want more because you're just you're just happy to have any kind of contact with her it's a bad way to go not over texting not chasing letting her text first not talking about a relationship etc I hear what you're saying however I look at your actions and I look at what she's doing and her actions tell me everything about your behavior and you're bullshitting yourself a little bit it's just the way it is he says but yet I still can't get her to relate to me in the way I would like after eight months of dating again eight months don't matter the only thing that matters is she's acting like a girl who's got other options maybe she's dating other guys and you're not acting like you have any value with her and because of that you're just so hovering around locking her down to a relationship even though you're not saying it and bringing it up you're acting in a way that's needy and that's what's pushing her away so that's what you need to do is just back off let her call you when she calls you or text you assume she wants to see you make a date make a definite date if she won't make definite plans or she gives you that BS about calling the verify or she won't make a definite time or she'd be like well I'm not sure how about Saturday but you know I have to get in touch with you Saturday you got to be willing to walk away and say well you know what if your schedules kind of up in the air just get in touch with me when you figure out your schedule we'll plan something then that you probably won't even hear from her on Saturday and but if she does call you Saturday just say hey how are ya oh hey it was you know when you know was thinking about getting together tonight oh just oh I'd love to but I already made plans but I definitely want to see you when are you free to get together next that's the proper response wood that will communicate to her is a to sit around and wait on her in other words it's like a limited time offer you know it's in television advertising it the reason they use it is because it's it emotionally works with people hey if you don't call right now and get your 1995 widget supplies are going to be gone or the price is going to go up it's so like what she realized when she calls you and she waits till last minute and then just wants you to just drop what you're doing and hang out with her and you're unavailable that then she's going to be realized oh wow if I don't make plans then he's going to just make plans to do something else and that obviously will change how she interacts with you so let's get on a second email this one's a Shoreham this guy says hey Cory here's my situation I've known this girl for about four years and I've always liked her and I attempted I've attempted asking her out in the past but went about it all wrong she has told me when I was in a relationship that she liked me but I wasn't single so I couldn't do anything about it now we're both single and we're 18 I'm jobless at the moment so I can't afford to date I can't afford date after date and she is busy often and we have a class together in school so it was just curious and how to subtly make her chase me because she shown interest interest I just don't know how to go about it I've read your book and listened to your your CDs and watch your YouTube videos so it's like if you read my book it shouldn't be like a mystery to you so I mean what's going on here is that you said you went about it all wrong I don't know what that means or obviously you've watched enough of my videos and read my book enough to know that the way you handled yourself was not a way that created attraction and so this girl is kind of jerking you around I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't call her a wooden texture I wouldn't do nothing if she's unwilling to make dates with you that's walk away you know it's like what Adam Carolla says I am added that to the second edition of my book it's when a woman likes you she starts opening the doors for you and all you have to do is literally walk through those doors but the doors start shutting in your face you turn around and walk away but tapping is like when the door shuts in your face just like the guy at the previous email that I did it's like you're standing outside knocking on the door waiting on her porch and she's looking at you through the security camera one they do is just sit in there like what's up with that it doesn't make you look like you're it's like you're acting like this is the last woman you're ever going to meet in your life so she ever calls you she ever text you like if you see her in class and your your chat and you just say call me later when you're leaving hey cool nice chat with you call me later and you don't do anything else and if she calls you maybe it's a few days later and she's just like hey what are you doing what do you up to even studying for class yeah whatever happens to be and obviously you're in college you don't have a lot of money you don't to go on spend extravagant some money and dates it's simply you can have her come over to your place say hey why don't we get together study and we'll make dinner together bring let's hang out what are you free give her your address invite her to come on over and hang out it's real simple hang out have fun hookup you can go to a picnic by the lake you could have a study date by the lake or something like that and bring a lunch so you can study and then you can talk and flirt you can tease her and when she's playing with her because obviously she if she told you that she liked you she's still going to find you physically attractive but until you start acting confidently if you until you start acting like a guy who perceived himself as having value she's just going to look at you as like a friend so when she reaches out to assume she wants to see you make a definite date just like the guy I was talking you know who's email is reading before definite date definite time to get together if she won't do it withdraw the offer and just say great when you figure out your schedule give me a call while playing something good and then three or four days later she calls you gets in touch with you assume that that means that she's checked her schedule and make the next date I mean there's little things but they make a huge difference in how the woman is going to perceive you because you're acting like I said in a way that communicates that you don't feel like you're good enough for like saying you already made a lot of mistakes with her but day the phones for setting dates simple as that you know like I said you'll have to spend a ton of money on her but that's what I would do if I were you so if you'd like to get my help personally the quickest way is the book a paid phone coaching or Skype session you can do that by going to my website like the products tab at the top of your screen and follow the instructions and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 572,472

Rating: 4.8512745 out of 5

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Id: VgTCMPeYlSM

Length: 19min 50sec (1190 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 28 2013