Being A Backup or 2nd Option

I'm coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the top of this newsletter is going to be being a backup or second option well I've got two four emails I'm going to go through with you today these guys are basically getting put in a friend zone or they're kind of in backup position while the women that they're dating or they were dating involved with are basically exploring possibilities with some other guy and since they really like the women they tend to want to sit around and wait for her to make her decision make up her mind which obviously is not a good place to be as a guy because you should perceive yourself as a catch whether you're a man or woman you should have the idea that you're awesome and at the end you want to be with somebody who appreciates you and celebrates you and thinks of you as their best option not a back-up plan or well you know I'll give you call things don't work out with this other person but hey let's just be friends in the meantime we can continue to hang out and I want to keep you in my life like you want to go for [ __ ] like that so I wrote a quote in this topic that I want to share with you before you get in the first email it says if you agree to be a backup lover or backup romantic option when you are expected to wait around in friend zone while the lover you really want explore sings with an ex or another lover who they want more than you you're simply demeaning yourself and lowering your value in their eyes you deserve someone who cherishes you and loves you as their best romantic option and not some back-up plan no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don't invite them to do always stand up for yourself what you want what you deserve and never agree to relationship or romantic terms that are not what you are looking for why you only waste days weeks months and even years of your precious life and end up brokenhearted and disappointed anyway you don't get what you deserve in life only way you negotiate walk away and never look back when people try to offer you less than what you really want or deserve let's go ahead and jump right in this guy says hey coach I wonder thank you for all of the help and you give to us I finished reading your book last night and I cannot wait until I start reading it again good job 10 to 15 times you got to get to know the information so well you don't have to think about it because guys that don't know the book very well they're going to make unnecessary mistakes he says I'm currently having problems with a girl who I started dating from work back a couple of months ago the first month was amazing everything was going great because I was being an assertive man as time passed by she started to become more attracted to me and wanted to obviously spend more time with me which I unfortunately agreed and instantaneously became complacent what's not so much a bad thing if she wants to spend more time with you and you do it's just that when you become complacent you stop being assertive and you become a doormat that's when you run into Prague's because now you're not being the guy that she was attracted to in the first place she's you not being the same strong masculine centered alpha guy that she originally met he says as soon as this happened we had sex which is good she wanted to have sex with me so bad that she took me to a hotel it even paid for the hotel room damn you go girl that's awesome dude good for you he says a week later we had a trip plan to another city to which I was looking forward specially since because of the sex part and they were going to spend the whole weekend together and obviously sex had to happen hopefully unfortunately she got a period of three days before that trip Red Wings what are Red Wings okay so when you really love a girl and you find her beautiful and attractive because a lot of women are very self-conscious about having sex on their period because I think it's kind of gross and icky and they don't want you to think any less of them but if you love them and you adore them and you celebrate them when you actually have sex with them it it creates a pattern it kind of looks like wings on their bottom part of their body we call it Red Wings I've had guys don't worry Red Wings that's what Red Wings are when you have sex with a girl when on her period it just leaves a mark like that on you and on her people are fighting on it's gross it's like no it's not if you really love each other it's like you don't [ __ ] care because sex is wonderful it's beautiful so he says during the first night while we were playing around I asked her if her period was light and she said not yet so I said oh okay you basically said I don't think you're sexy because you're on your period you're not attracted to me that way that's a bad way to go dude you should be like I don't care I've got my Red Wings before and make a joke about it and have fun about it like I think you're beautiful and sexy like I don't mind if you would what yeah I have the fluid to come out of you are awesome they're part of you I adore you you're sexy you're attractive Yuri sure that she's beautiful and you desire and she's more special than any other woman on the planet you know just go okay oh you're ill you're on your period yeah - I don't want to do that I mean there's some guys you're like oh gross there's no way they'd have sex with a girl and her peer but when you say it like that bad way to go dude you just stepped on a landmine he says we kept playing around but for some reason she backed off and she said she was tired so I respected that and I went to sleep the following night we went out to a club and she got very sick so we couldn't do anything neither so she drank too much the pond where she's puking her guts out that sounds like a lot of fun he says by last night I was trying again she kept avoiding me and told me she wanted to go to sleep I immediately asked her what was wrong and she said that the comment that I made when I said oh okay about her period she thought that as if I did desire her while she was on her period what did I just say [ __ ] psychic like that I actually already have read this email so but that's the proper response is what I said earlier not because your response is kinda like ooh gross that doesn't make a woman feel sexy and beautiful he says therefore she did not want to do anything with me while she was on her period it really got me upset but maintain Mike well it's your fault and that's why you apply to things I talk about my book too says for one step back and what I would have says I'm sorry if I made you feel not beautiful not attractive but I think you're sexy it's like it doesn't bother me at all I think you're in you building remember feminine energy gross you praise if you'd read my book more than just one time you would know that he's a couple of days later she allowed me to start going to her house who she allowed you wow you got permission it's like that's approval seeking behavior the highness my queen allowed me to come visit her at her home how exciting I tried to have sex again but she said she was tired because she had to study for some tests I tried for a couple of more nights and she still wouldn't have sex and I asked her what was wrong and she said it was because I wasn't kissing her long enough to set forward one step back two steps forward one step back I talked about in my book I like do a whole chapter on that he says in a couple of days later her next excuse in other words it's like two steps forward then you encounter resistance and you just kind of wait me hang back you caress because the idea is it when you get a woman to the point where she's so turned on she can't she just won't hold back anymore but what happens is you encounter the first bit of resistance and you bail out and you quickly give up he says in a couple days later her next excuse was that I had to stay over at her house in order for her to have sex with me because she didn't want to feel used so I decided to stay and stayed there for four nights and nothing she lives with her sister who's 27 is two years older than her who later told her that I couldn't be staying there if I wasn't her official boyfriend she's giving you lots of excuses and I think at this point your aura tease you obviously have been expressing enough weakness to the point where now she's starting to doubt your masculine core if you said so yourself the beginning of the email you got complacent he says I told her that her sister shouldn't have any influence on her because if she wanted me to stay at her house that I should by her she pays half the rent as far as they know true statement a couple of days later I tried again at work and she said that the reason was because that she wasn't having sex was because I was being too delicate and not aggressive enough so in other words you went from the strong match to the guy where she was literally begging you to having sex - it's like once you got a taste of it you became all dopey and submissive and compliant and therefore you were no longer acting dominant that's why she's telling you this he says by now I was completely tired the situation came to a conclusion that she was setting up all of these excuses and that something else was going on possibly true so I took her out to it on a date and I got a couple of drinks where she admitted that her ex was still trying to get back with her but she did not want to get back with him and that in reality wanted to be with me that's what you say oh really when I watch you bring those cute little lips over here and prove it and she gives you a nice cue she just say look you're saying one thing that you want to be with me but yet you're treating me like a friend we had made love it was amazing but ever since you've been holding back and now you tell me that your ex is in the picture trying to get back together with you and you say that you don't want to get back together with them but now you're treating me like a friend and it's like your words and your actions aren't really congruent so if you're still trying to figure out things with your ex I'm going to go ahead and take you home and call me once you figure it out because I'm not interesting get involved with with you if you're trying to figure out what your feelings are with your ex I want a woman who is free to be with me it's not constantly holding back and wondering about an ex-boyfriend and in that moment when you do something like that you're basically taking your power back and saying hey this doesn't work for me I'm not interested in being your therapist or your gay male girlfriend not that you're going to say it to her that way but you're communicating that you're not interested in hanging out with her under those terms and therefore you're out of there why because you have other choices you have offices not that you're going to rub other women in her face but this is what you're going to communicate she's basically now has all the power in the relationship and you're being compliant going along with it you're in your feminine she's in her masculine she even told us you're not being confident enough you're not being demonstrative you're not being aggressive enough you're acting too effeminate and therefore she's starting to treat you like a friend because the ex-boyfriend is trying to come back into pictures acting more like a man plus she already has a strong emotional bond with him and you she's only hooked up at one time he says but at the same time she did not want to lose me as a friend oh there's a friend word in other words hey why don't you hang out in backup position while I go and explore things with my ex-boyfriend this is why it's so important that you look at what women do she's telling you conflicting statements here she's telling you on one hand that oh my ex is trying to get me back but I don't want to get back together with him but hey I don't want to lose she is a friend so what are her actions her actions are she's not wanting to have anything physical with you that tells you everything everything else that comes out of her mouth after that he really doesn't [ __ ] matter because the bottom line is she's treating you like a friend why because she's probably now hooking up with the ex-boyfriend and having sex with him that's what's really going on and so when you see that that's when you're going to say hey look I'm not interested just being your friend I don't I have plenty of female friends I have plenty of friends in my life in general and I'm not looking for any more friends my interest in you is romantic it's not platonic platonic I'm not interested in anything platonic with you in any way shape or form and I don't look we're not just friends and we're never going to be just friends I want you to understand that you make that clear it's like so if you're telling me that now you want me to be in friendzone while you explore possibilities of your ex-boyfriend I'm not interested in that why don't we leave I'll take you home and then you go to support things of your boyfriend if it doesn't work out you give me a call if I'm still available maybe we'll go out again but this just doesn't work for me I'm not interested in this so what do you want to do give her the choice and she's going to test you and she's going to try to keep you in friendzone you got you got to stand up for yourself say I'm absolutely not interested in there's no way he says because she felt that if things did not work between us then she would really feel bad if I stopped talking to her as you say that's ridiculous that's when I told her that that was the reason was because she was withholding sex with me from me and that I was tired of all the excuses and sex should have just happened for a desire for me was high enough like during the first time so I told her I'm not interested in being just your friend when you make up your mind you know my number give me a call he says she keeps contacting me and flirting with me at work touching me all the time smiling and telling me that she misses me over text that's me oh great when you free to get together Tuesday awesome I'm free Tuesday - how about seven o'clock watch ground ball wanna come on over my place we'll make dinner together if she gives you any B as well oh I know they can't and they can't do that did you say great give me a call when you figure out your schedule and talk to me then and in the conversation right then and there and she comes over and she gets all flirty with you oh he really like you oh hey you're looking at that great when you're free to get together try to make a date and don't do anything this girl don't take her anywhere don't do anything with her because she's [ __ ] jerking you around at this point and you've allowed her to do this you put yourself in this position by acting feminine and acting weak and so at this point I wouldn't go out of my way to see her because it's obvious she's [ __ ] the ex-boyfriend again but she's doing just enough to kind of keep you on the hook and keep you interested and you can't go along with that so from this point forward have her come over to your place make dinner together if she's not doesn't want to deal or she tries to oh let's just meet out for drinks just say it's been a long week I'm really tired I'm just in the mood to hang so if you're not interested coming over make a dinner with me then give me a call in two or three weeks when things die down when I'm a little caught up in things and then we can plan do something a little more formal and then if she keeps you know don't agree to that she either comes over your place and you make dinner together or you're not interested you got to stick to your guns you got to be willing to walk away if she's not going to do what you want to do because at this point now you're so compliant going along with what she wants she realizes she has all the power you've given you basically put your dick in your nuts in a box and slid them over to her and said do whatever you want with these sweetheart he's been honestly coached without sex I do not have any more attraction unless she knows unless she now initiates the sexual desire again I will not start again since I feel there was something that she's not telling me but it looks like she wants to keep me around well just like I said that's what I would do if I were you stop Collier stop texting her if she reaches out make a date for her to come over to your place daughter bring a bottle of wine you'll make dinner together or if you don't drink coffee tea whatever it happens to be fruit punch or whatever tell him to bring something over to drink and make dinner at your place and if she doesn't want to do that withdraw the offer and tell her to call you in two to three weeks because that's you're just you're busy you're tired you're not in the mood to go out on a big date and all this production this net you've gone over our house number numerous times you slept over there numerous times and you didn't get any action she jerked you around every single time gave me nothing but BS excuses and you got to be willing strong enough to walk away from that position to where she either comes over and hangs out at your place or you're not interested as simple as that so let's move on the next email this guy says hey coach I've been in an on-again on-and-off-again relationship for five years we have a two-year-old son together and we recently got back together and everything was going right but out of the blue she said that there was a problem with us that she's not ready to settle down we broke up because she wants to be able to go to the clubs drink some weed and do as she pleases women and I get [ __ ] from guys are like honey it's always the guys fault it's like guys that do things right and they act like men consistently they don't get dumped women don't dump men that they're in love with that is the bottom line in some way shape or form you've acted weak and you've let her walk all over you you have a corner property I can't tell specifically from what you shared in this short email but if you read my book when you when you read and you go through it you'll realize where you've been going wrong but facts are facts women don't dump men that they're in love with men that they can't get ahold of men that they're dying to see it just doesn't happen he continues on she told me that she loves me and wants to end up with me but she just doesn't know if I should wait for her or just move on that tells me that you're waiting around for her to give you orders and tell you what to do that's not how a man who values himself and his time would act she's basically saying hey you know I'm gonna go see if I can find a guy out there that's better for me than you because you're not acting like a man but let's just be friends for a while and a guy who has self-respect self-love is gonna go I'm not interested in that give me a call if you change your mind he says she's lied to me a lot in the past year she left me for another guy and when she realized that he only wanted her for sex she came back to me this is why she's treating you this way because there's no consequence she knows that she could pick up the phone and boom within five minutes you'll be there on her doorstep just like a little puppy that's the problem here you don't stand up for what you want she cheated on you and jerked you around this woman is a great sex plane mate she's great to have an open relationship with she's great as a [ __ ] buddy this is not the kind of woman that you can have a great healthy relationship with that is the bottom line bro he says I'm against drugs but I'm willing to accept them for her why if this is not part of your ideals that this is not part of your value system why would you compromise your value system you're prostituting yourself in order to please her in order to make her happy now I think weed is great I think alcohol is great if it works for you awesome I'm not in our accord rugs I koknal those other things but a little weed little beer [ __ ] cares but if this is something it is completely against your value system and you don't want it in your life in any way shape or form and good for you and you got to tell her that just say hey I'm not down with dating addicted smokes weed or drinks whatever works for you is whatever works for you but you gotta be congruent with that he's this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with come on man seriously she cheated on you she dict you around she constantly blows you off for other guys she does drugs even though you don't approve that you're going to continue to get jerked around by this woman for the rest of your life that's what will happen he says but I need to be with her because it's killing me inside not to no amount of you loving her or how much it kills you inside is going to make her want you know anything's gonna make her want you as you stand up for yourself and walking away saying this [ __ ] don't work for me I really don't know what to do anymore I've given up on life come on man seriously be a [ __ ] man act like a guy he's got some options go out there and meet some new women go meet a woman who doesn't do drugs and doesn't do these things and will treat you with respect but the reason you don't get any respect is because you constantly communicate over the past couple of years that you've been with her that no matter how much she dicks you around and takes you for granted or cheats on you you're still gonna me please may I have some more it's a bad way to go dude grow a set of balls and have some self-respect and walk away because you are not going to get you can't have a healthy relationship with a woman like that and you've already set the precedent over the five years that that you've been on off with this woman it's like no matter what how much she ticks you over you're just like please thank you may I have another move on with your life if you want a healthy monogamous relationship you can't it's not gonna happen with this girl I'm sorry to tell you it's just the way it is she's a flawed human being your goals and your values are not aligned she's a great [ __ ] buddy great sex playmate great friends with benefits great to have an open relationship with other than that that's it dude so let's move on to the third guy's needle he says hey coach I've been separated from my wife for nearly three years it's taken a long time but after reading your book I have forgiven my ex for the heartache and betrayal she put me through once a cheater always a cheater if they cheat on you once and you give them permission to come back when they're not happy or whenever they feel like their needs aren't being met they'll cheat on you again why because there's no consequences you'll take it he says I'm also forgive myself for not being the man and husband I should have been in the first place well that's good the guy she left me for has left her because he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend so now she wants to come back so you're her backup plan you are communicating it is okay to do this to you just like the previous guy is email we talked about the care of our daughter and my stepson and she often calls me in tears about the behavior of my stepson at the end of the day it's her kids not yours and you've been separated for three years three years of your life you've been waiting around for this woman to become what you really want this is not who you're with dude this is not the kind of woman that you married it sounds like you're more into a woman who is monogamous who's loyal who's faithful who would never [ __ ] treat you this way even when you fell down she would help you she wouldn't go out and [ __ ] some other guy or leave her for some other guy and want you to be second fiddle while she explores options with other men remember when I said the quote no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don't invite them to do and your behavior is communicating that you're totally okay with it what you should do is start digging in the women move on with your life she's a great [ __ ] buddy great sex playmate other than that you can't have a healthy relationship with someone like that I'm sorry men or women the cheat they're not the kind of people you want to be in relationship with because if they do it once when they're people that cheat loyalty doesn't mean jack [ __ ] with with them why because when they're not happy in a relationship they don't know how to fix it or they're not interested in doing what it takes to fix it so they're going to go seek fulfillment outside the relation that's just the kind of that's the kind of people they are they probably go out most of the time they grew up in families where this is acceptable behavior as long as they're happy and they're in love they'll be faithful but first time you slip up or you get pissed off at him or you're short with him or you get lazy get complacent they're gonna [ __ ] around on you that's just the way it is he says I talked her through it until she calms down she says she really appreciates my support oh how nice you're the gay male girlfriend you're her motional tampon how nice of you he's I've also given her money for rent and other expenses I paid child support and I do more than I am required for my daughter and stepson and by doing too much for her in the hope that she might come back yeah its approval seeking behavior dude it's like you're using money as a bribe for her to come back to you and it's walked all over you it's like have some [ __ ] self-respect grow a set of balls and say [ __ ] this [ __ ] hey if you hook up with her great what you really want is a woman to be loyal a good woman a good person and she just ain't it or should I just do what I have to do and find another relationship exactly that's what you need to do move on bro you're never going to be happy this is the problem it's like you've got this woman who has a lot of great qualities obviously you married her however she's a flawed human being she's not the kind of person that you really want and no amount of you wanting her or trying to manipulate her into becoming the perfect person for you is going to make her change for you people don't change their nature they may become a better version themselves by the end of day this is what you're dealing with so you got two choices stay with her and have an open relationship actually you're not really even with her because she's screwing some other guy or finally divorced her and leave the relationship pay pay what you're legally obligated to pay and then find somebody who is exactly what you want people do that men and women do that a lot they try to fix people they try to make these people that their that's the thing it's like once you get to a place where you really love yourself and you accept yourself and you appreciate who you are you want to equal you want a teammate you want a partner you want somebody be your biggest fan and your biggest cheerleaders I mean it's always in your corner no matter what through thick and thin but the only way you're going to track somebody like that in your life is you have to become that kind of a person you got to learn to love yourself enough and accept yourself enough to where you're comfortable being single and you have the attitude hey if it takes me five years to find the perfect person I'll stay single I don't give a [ __ ] because settling is the worst thing and I was the biggest lesson I learned in my first marriage was to my first wife was it I settled in every single way in that relationship and all he end up doing was hurting myself and hurting my wife because I was weak and when I got when I finally got finished with the divorce I said there is absolutely no [ __ ] way I will ever get married again unless I am 100% certain that I'm with the right person and I'm with somebody that I really feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with I've come close twice with two different women since then and for various reasons I wrote about some of them in my book it just it didn't work out because it didn't feel right and because of the painful experience that I had in my my mid-20s with my ex-wife how it's not fun getting divorce it's not fun having to deal with divorce attorneys and all the expense of that it sucks if you've never been through a divorce talk to your friends that have been divorced everybody knows something that's been through a divorce it ain't a lot of fun and so when you go through a traumatic experience like that you realize I don't want to go through that [ __ ] again it is better to stay single than to be in a bad relationship when we think about the divorce rates over 65 percent and the majority the people that are married are not happy they're not fulfilled look at all the people that you know that are married how many of our really happy and really in love and really [ __ ] each other's brains out after many years together most of them are we look at the average relationship the average marriage one of the last six to eight years is pretty much the maximum that most people tend to stay together so let's get into the fourth and final email this guy says hey coach I appreciate all of your YouTube videos I had a great time with my girlfriend we were in love then I went trial the world for four months and she was totally cool with it now I've been traveling for two months and my girlfriend has said that she just doesn't want me as a boyfriend anymore she sees me more as a friend than a boyfriend she says she doesn't miss me well gee thanks a lot that's great all right hey thanks honey I really love you I miss you too she doesn't think that we will get back together when I come home she also said that she really likes me and she'll she still wants me in her life to be close just as friends she really wants to follow me on my journey she would love to see the pictures her words aren't mine [ __ ] that [ __ ] but to be honest with you I'm so deeply in love and I can't stop thinking about her Coria won my now ex-girlfriend back how can I get her back dude read my book and move on with your life bro don't call her don't text her don't do nothing you got to tell her honey I love you bye you interested in being your friend that doesn't work for me so you don't want to be with me in an intimate way anymore or a romantic way anymore then you should move on with your life and find what you're looking for because I can't move on with my life and find the woman that's right for me if you're still calling me wanting to keep me in friends I just doesn't work so if you ever reconsider give me a call otherwise it's been really great I really love you I wish you all the best I hope you find what you're looking for have a nice life and you move on with your life and you walk and you never look back the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it and that's the only way you're going to get what you want is to walk and never look back now she may never come back be either way you'll need to get her back or you will find somebody better for you so if you'd like to get my help personally the quickest way is the book get paid phone Skype or email session you can choose any of those options by going to my website clicking the products tab which will be at the top of your screen on any page of my website and just follow the instructions and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 293,472

Rating: 4.8355517 out of 5

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Id: JCHIPYqzDo8

Length: 30min 34sec (1834 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 03 2014