How To Gradually Back Off After Over Pursuing

[Music] all right I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be how to gradually back off after over pursuing this particular topic is probably one of the biggest topics I think especially most guys that find out about my work is why they're here in the first place they start to recognize that especially when they hear from their girlfriend the girl they're dating I need space there's no spark anymore there's something missing the chemistry's not there I don't feel the same way as I used to anytime those are the kinds of things that you hear when you've been calling too much texting too much and pursuing too much not because you you miss her and you care about her and you want to see her but because you're fearful you're gonna lose her you're fearful that you're not worthy and you're trying to find out where you stand if she still likes you because many guys start to recognize that a woman's attraction for them kind of goes up and down oftentimes without any rhyme or reason that makes any sense to them so this is Lou I've got a really good short email where a guy did this he just met a girl right before all the lockdown started and then he made the mistake of talking and texting too much it's at the point where she really starts losing interest he's like we're talking like every day we run out of things to talk about how do I back off without making her think I'm now ignoring her so this is also tricky for a guy that's never done that to actually back off and do the opposite of what he feels compelled to do he feels he has to do something because as men masculine energy is about Drive purpose mission succeeding accomplishing breaking through barriers achieving goals and so naturally as men where we are looking for something to do to make her like us more but the problem is we've been doing too much and it really the root cause and you'll see as I go through this guy is the email part of the problem is he's sitting around with nothing to do and that's why I make such a big emphasis in my first book how to be a 3% man about focusing on your mission and purpose and life if you don't have a mission and purpose it's lighting you up and fire putting fire in your belly women are going to sense that they're gonna sense a guy that doesn't have direction doesn't know what he wants doesn't go for the things that he's passionate about if you're struggling in the area obviously I wrote my second book mastering yourself to help you align your life with your true calling so again if you haven't read obviously the first book is really essential especially if you're struggling in your personal life you can read it at understanding relationships calm while you do subscribe to the email newsletter so with that said I got a quote that I'm gonna read and then after the first guy's email there's actually a review that I found that somebody recently posts on audible and it really did a great job of explaining what happens as you read at 10 to 15 times and how you don't want to read it as a textbook it's more of a mindset in a way of thinking and the guys totally spot-on and it just clicked for him because he followed the instructions and that's the goal as a coach and that's why I go through these things where guys are screwing up is because you're gonna learn more from the mistakes here's what not to do here's why doing the wrong thing cause this particular woman to feel this way and get the opposite of the results the guy was one wanting because you can learn from these mistakes that other people are making you can avoid them all together because we're all gonna feel those same impulses to do things or say things that are not going to help our situation so the key is we clean up our actions and what we do and what we say to create attraction so let's go through the quote that I wrote in this topic and then keep the code in mind as I'm going through the first guy's email because you'll see part of his problem is he doesn't have his mind set and squared away he doesn't have his mission and purpose completely figured out and you can tell that he's kind of putting this girl on a pedestal and figuring that she's going to be the source of his eternal happiness info Phil meant in life which is never a good it never ends well the court says women are naturally more attracted to and curious about men who are mysterious unpredictable and a challenge to figure out and gain the attention of men who are obsessed with their mission and purpose and building a great life and lifestyle for themselves don't have time to waste on nonsense they are used to dealing with other high achievers who are direct decisive and get right to the point men who have no direction or purpose have nothing going on in their lives other than trying to get through the day and finding ways to keep themselves amused and distracted women have to work harder for men who have their act together than guys who don't if you build yourself into a man who's a catch women will always be trying to get your attention validation and love become a man of value and you will always be a man of interest to women so with that said as I'm going through this first guys emo it's really short does he sound like a guy that's obsessed and focused on his mission and purpose he says hello coach first of all thank you so much for the book and all the videos on your channel I've read the book four times I'm on my way to read it once again I've been following all the techniques well that's part of your problem you're looking for so it's so does a then I'm gonna do B if they do D then I'm gonna do F and G that's just not a that might you may get some short-term sustainable success or attainable success but it's not going to be a long-term sustainable but I [ __ ] up due to the lockdown I met this girl online we started hitting it off well we met once before the lockdown started and had a great time but due to the lockdown we started talking a lot on the phone almost an hour or two every day definitely part of your problem cuz I mean think about if you're forced to work from home you should be working if you're furloughed and you're not able to work wait should you be doing sitting around your thumb up your butt and wasting time no you should be utilizing it to grow your reserve of knowledge and work on developing your skills your gifts your talents you want to be utilizing this time to become a better man not some guy that's trying to distract himself with [ __ ] video games or wasting his time on the internet or watching Netflix all the time if you're watching movies ideally you want to be watching documentaries education where you can learn from some of the most successful people in the past as well as the present so you can grow your reserve of knowledge and become a better man does this guy sound like he's doing that he sounds like oh hey I don't have to work let me just [ __ ] around and waste my time the guys that don't have a mission and purpose when they got spare time they're wasting it somebody like me like when I was younger like this guy was when I was in college I wasn't wasting my time with a lot of [ __ ] because I was so [ __ ] busy I was working for a general contractor I was tending bar on the weekends and on top of that I was going to school and trying to fit in a socialite so I was busy as hell especially those last couple years when I was trying to graduate and I wrote about that extensively and mastering yourself I even got to the point where it's like I just stopped watching regular TV because I always felt like you're such a waste of time so instead of watching TV in wasting time I'd be reading a book maybe an autobiography or a biography on somebody who was very successful to glean what I could of their mindset the way they approach problems and how they solve things that's what successful men do if they got extra time they're not looking for a way to piss it away and waste it not that you're not going to want to enjoy your life but when you're on lockdown and you're stuck in your house if you're just looking for ways to distract yourself instead of ways to better yourself your priorities are [ __ ] up you're not going to reach your full potential when you got all this time in your hands and you just piss it away and waste that he says it almost killed the mystery element and we ran out of topics to talk about then it hit me that I [ __ ] up here yeah you've been out on one date and you spent all this time get to know each other digitally there's no mystery you probably started getting attached to this girl thinking about all the great things you're gonna do together once the quarantine is over and instead you're talking to scroll out of liking you there's no mystery you're not busy you drop with you oh I'm just sitting at home we're all we're all quarantined instead of all hey I'm reading a book or a I'm participating in some kind of webinar or I'm taking classes online or I'm studying or you got to be busy trying to build a better life for yourself and that's a big part of the problem yeah tying your hands and what do you do do you spend it productively or are you just wasting it being busy the goal is you wanna be productive because being productive is what moves you forward closer to your goals my question is how do you back off from calling every day to once a week gradually and not come off as ignoring her because I really like this girl and that's the reason I want to get the relationship balance back again dude you don't have a relationship you went out on one date and you spent all this time getting to know this girl and she's already bored your only real goal is to set a second date at this point and you obviously recognized that you weren't following the fundamentals in the book because as you mentioned in the beginning of your email you're trying to technique this girl into liking you so the reality is if you find yourself in this situation where you're calling and texting every day and she's getting bored and you're running out of things to talk about what does a woman typically do when she gets bored or too familiar she doesn't call you she doesn't text you most guys take that [ __ ] personally they think oh there's something wrong with me let me fix it instead of just saying hey I got some time I got some peace now I can read a book and I could study I can focus on things that are important to me that will help me become a better more successful more attractive man that's what you should be doing you also want to match and mirror what she's doing so if you find cuz usually guys in this situation are doing most of the pursuing so if you're reaching out seven or eight times for every two times that she reaches out then I would dramatically cut that back to matching and mirroring what she's doing and you may find that a day or two goes by or maybe even three or four and you haven't heard from her that's just indicative of the fact that her attraction has dropped that low to the point where it takes three or four days to build back up to where she misses you and then she wants to reach out to see what you're doing as the book teaches it's a process the guy just starts out asking the girl out once a week and as they get familiar they start dating more they start hooking up usually after the third week or so she starts calling and texting them every couple of days and that leads to a simple conversation and you just use that as an opportunity to make the next date and obviously like the video that I did talking about what to do when you're quarantine or your distance you're gonna do a video date so it would have been much more effective instead of chit chatting 24/7 on the phone to actually plan a date in front of your video camera preferably using your laptop or your desktop computer because you can have it you can eat you can have drinks together can almost be like a date it's something that's planned is something you look forward to because when you're available 24/7 you turn into a gay male girlfriend and her therapist you're her emotional tampon at that point I mean while any of the other guys that she met before the quarantine or that she sent since Matt met on a dating app are not texted and call her all the time like you are and she's wondering why isn't this guy calling me she knows where she stands with you because you're blowing up her phone but she's gonna be more curious about the other guys that aren't so eager are they dating other girls does he not like me these are the things that go through a woman's mind and pushes her buttons emotionally she reaches out to you to try to find out where she stands which is totally natural is just what women do this how they operate but if you never give the time and the space they're just not gonna get to that point so again I've matched matching mirror what she's doing initially I would met I would just match I would wait to hear from her and then if you're calling texting every day and then you just stop you recognize that maybe you're doing almost 100% that pursuing a lot of the phone sessions I do with guys they get the point where they're doing 90 95 % they're pursuing it's like once you pass 50 percent it's just a matter of time before you get friendzone if you keep that up and obviously that's that's what you're seeing here this guy's starting to lose this girl and he can feel it it doesn't know what to do when he thinks he needs to do more when in reality he just needs to let her be wait to hear from her and then do us do a video date if you still if you're still under lockdown and you can't actually get together because then where I am in Florida we're actually you know we're actually able to go to restaurants and stuff and gyms are opening actually today as a matter of fact which I'm ready to [ __ ] and get back in there cuz I'm shrink down to [ __ ] nothing I'm losing the gays not like it was a huge do to begin with but it [ __ ] sucks now be able to workout for three months it definitely if I noticed a difference it affected my health and not in a positive way even though I got a treadmill in my place so like I said it as it goes down and you get to like 50/50 it's ideally cuz I know it's gonna be hard it's a guy's not gonna instantly go from Colin or two or textin two or three four times a day to all a sudden not calling her texting her because that's just gonna freak him out you most guys won't be able to handle it if you tell them what to do they they still do maybe 30 or 40 percent and what you tell them so just wait to hear from her next and then after you hang up give it two or three days without hearing from her and then reach out a babe hope you having a great day when let you know I was thinking about you and then leave it at that and see what she does with it but you want to get to the point where you at least instantly the first thing is the match of mirror where she's at right now so if over the course of the week she's reaching out to you 50 times and you're reaching out 50 times the next week cut it in half cut it down or a few she's reached out to you 50 times and Iran 75 times then then match match it to 50 times the next week which is like 50 is ridiculous that's way too much but I'm just using that as an example and then just start slowly backing it off seeing what happens because at some point she's gonna notice that you're not as enthusiastic and then she's gonna start to doubt herself and she's got hey I haven't heard from you much baby you've missing me well maybe we should get together maybe we should sneak out or hey you know what quarantine ends on Friday let's get together and meet up for drink I want to see you and get to a physical date as soon as possible but I would like said just keep backing off just see how long she'll hold out because it you know if you're talking every day and you're the one initiating most of the contact and all of a sudden you don't initiate any contact until you hear from her again don't be surprised at two three four even five days go by the less hurt the more her attraction has dropped the longer it's gonna be before you hear from her so you know the average guy that's in that situation they back off it's gonna freak him out when they're talking to girl every day because they've been making that happen and then they don't make any effort to reach out and four or five days goes by and they still haven't heard from her but if you already but hold out and she does reach out to you you're gonna notice that she's gonna be a lot more excited to talk to you and she may bring up hey I'm an orphan oh I'm sorry baby I'm real busy and reading books trying to learn some new things I'm searching for a new job or thinking what I want to do the next chapter of my life or whatever happens to be your got some ambition your focus on something make the next date but like I said it's got to be a gradual process again matching mirror what she's doing initially and then keep trying to back it off but like so the hardest thing is gonna be for guys in this position is doing nothing especially when they all sudden don't talk to this girl for two or three days because that's gonna be shocking to them because the the egos gonna reject that the ego is gonna go no she really likes me really we really have something and yet you still haven't heard from her in four days so what's going on is that you're projecting your fantasy onto her and you're ignoring the fact that she just wasn't as into it so with that said I want to go through this this review was from audible.com and I just thought it was so spot-on because it's a really it's a great way of looking at cuz you know I see people who say why don't when I want to read your [ __ ] book for ten or fifteen times to it I don't read any book you know more than once usually it's like if you're serious if you're trying to undo bad behavior it's a mindset you're trying to learn a new way of thinking and let's go through this guy's review it says this isn't a text book it's a mindset I found Cory on YouTube like many others do it's surprisingly difficult to find content on the internet that delves into how a woman feels emotionally rather than thinking logically sadly so many writers pair at the typical woo her be a good boy way of thinking now word you got to chase women you got to be a stalker and you're gonna chase him down and convince them that you like them that doesn't work too well in the me2 area you know turn into a soccer lectin like that even though the movies still show that [ __ ] but it's changing thankfully these are simple solutions that one make men feel good quickly without having to tackle deep emotional responses to it misinterprets PC culture as being submissive to society rather than presenting an idea in a respectful manner core like a good coach will drill you the book reflects mostly on his life as he drills himself and shows how he learned from his mistakes his videos complement this by drilling others in helping them and the audience learn from their mistakes after all there is no way to learn other than by a person's yours or others mistakes 3% man gives and reinforces fundamentals this book is the foundation to your dream house if you're lucky your land may already be solid enough that you could get away building a small Hut without a foundation so in other words depending on how much of this stuff you naturally know where you already know will determine how much you really have to drill down into it but when I do phone sessions for guys it's usually the dudes that are lazier they didn't follow instructions or maybe they're new to my work and things were pretty [ __ ] up by the time they came to me and so they're trying to turn it around if you're fine with that and great my land is wet sand and I want to build a high-rise if your reaction of this is oh I don't need fundamentals I want to get to the advanced stuff now he put some big bold letters you need fundamentals I see it all the time I see in the comments I see the emails I get and you saw with that first first email the guys obviously the mindset of I needed the technique that's gonna fix this the quick fix I don't have time for fundamentals even though he's reading the book he's still thinking for a guy that's cherry-picking tips out of my book it's not gonna give you sustainable success too many times have I refused fundamentals and tried to go advanced first eventually I did learn the fundamentals but I had to learn them from my own mistakes the hard way so words he didn't he didn't follow instructions initially either he kept doing it the hard way kept looking for I need the right technique I need the right line I need the right phrase and either write come back and then it'll solve everything he says now if you've read all this here's a secret to this book it is not a text book it is a mindset the first time you read it you laugh your [ __ ] head off you'll know what I mean the first time you read it yeah guys read it and they go I did the exact same thing that Corey did that is so funny I literally did the exact same thing he did and the girl said exactly the same thing were the odds of that happening after two and a half times it becomes pretty annoying repetitive and difficult to listen to oh he totally loves listening to me but if anything is ever difficult or it gets harder and harder that means there is a huge reward if you push past it yeah if you keep listening to annoying shaved head pasty waist pasty white guy good things are gonna happen the harder something gets the better the reward it's called the barrier to entry nothing is done in vain again 3% because most guys just they're too much of a [ __ ] to do what's necessary and that's harsh that's reality but for those that are willing to do what's required to become a 3% man you're gonna get the results that everybody else is going to dream about that's the beauty of high achievement in studying personal growth and personal development even though a lot of people might study it very few people actually apply it six to ten times you start to realize you've been reading this book the wrong way the whole time you've been reading it as a textbook if a happens doopy it's not that and it never was it's a mindset you start to realize that quarry things completely different thinks a completely different way than you you start to reconfigure your brain to process things like Corey's brain does this is the feeling that things just click like many authors talk about 11 to 15 times you crave reading this book you crave reading more material from Corey and others and getting over emotional psychological barriers put in place by societal conditioning you've accomplished something great you finally finish laying down a concrete foundation now you can build your dream house so I thought that was a great review to add in there just for you guys especially the ones are going I don't want to read the book 10-15 times I'm busy I don't have the time for that because if you're not you're reading it try to cherry-pick even though you might say you're not or you want to talk about how great your memory is you got to understand the philosophy and the mindset because just like he says and and most of you have probably realized I don't look at the world the way most people do especially if you've read mastering yourself like the way I look at everything I'm all about the individual in building the image illa why because it's simple love is freedom god is love God is freedom therefore God is all about the individual being a self-reliant human being and therefore when people go Cory why do you talk about politics and I go where does the quote in the back of my book says it says enlighten the people generally in tyranny and oppression zuv body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day and me as a person who's self-reliant and believes in the liberty and the supremacy of the individual because at the end of the day we're all divine beings having a human experience and us being here it's the Lord's will that we're here you don't have the right any more than I have the right to interfere in anybody else's freedom or ability to live their lives and have a kind of personal or professional lives that they want to it's our job as fellow divine beings to help each other reach their full potential not order people around and one thing that these lockdowns have brought out is all the little [ __ ] tyrants that we have in government and law enforcement all you have to do is go online and look at all the videos and people don't like being told what to do so the reason I get involved in things politically sometimes and mastering yourself is anything that I see is tyrannical to the mindset or the beliefs or the body of the individual I'm gonna [ __ ] say something about it because I got people that live in these countries that are under these oppressive press oppressive religious laws or regimes and they can't reach their full potential if the society inhibits them so I'm gonna kick and buck against that system because it is anathema to the to God's will that's the way I look at it and this is my whole purpose this is why I do what I do and so therefore sometimes I'm gonna get into politics even if it makes people feel uncomfortable because if I see something that's infringing on somebody's individual liberty and their ability to reach their full potential you better believe I'm not going to be supportive of that I'm gonna be all about opening things up because open is more is a superior way to go just like teak net honset you must love and such way that the person you love feels free so if you're in a situation like this and you're struggling with a relationship or some of you started dating and you're just like too emotionally invested and you want somebody with a clear head that can kind of step right in and point out what you're doing right and wrong and what you need to do differently or more of to turn things around go to understanding relationships calm click the products tab to top your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly until next time I will talk to you soon you [Music]

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 175,150

Rating: 4.8961558 out of 5

Keywords: get ex back, attraction, re-attraction

Id: MLZf6eB2row

Length: 27min 30sec (1650 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2020