Is She Testing, Or Wasting My Time?

all right I'm coach Cory Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today's newsletter is going to be is she testing or just wasting my time I've got an email here from a viewer and he broke up his girlfriend this was about four-and-a-half months ago didn't hear from her for a couple months he just completely walked away and then she started putting herself back into his orbit he had a really great store he was actually out on a date with another woman and he runs into the parents of this girl who we used to date and some interesting things happened after that it just reminds me of a story that I wrote about my book I remember I was at a girl I was dating I was still learning this stuff I hadn't perfected it yet and this girl I was really in love with I just I'd [ __ ] up a lot and so I ran into another girl who I had [ __ ] up with like three or four years before and I was completely different I was doing around with her and so I'm actually out on a date with her that I run into the boss of the other girl but I was really in love with and wanted a date and it's like it was just funny because I was on my way back to my house with this other girl who I'd screwed up with several years before and I was like finally you know I'm gonna seal the deal here and then the next morning I got a call from the other girl that I was really in love with and it just helped things because it it realized that she realized basically that there was a possibility I was she was going to lose me to another woman and a beautiful one at that because it's funny she's like oh just calling to see how your night near in your evening when I say it went great she goes why her to girlier with was really beautiful I was like yep so it's just it was amazing how how funny that was the situation was and after I walked away that evening with her from her boss and her boss's husband it's just thinking this is gonna be good this is going to definitely help my situation this guy has something similar that happens here that's really it's really cool it's because it makes you feel confident especially if you got [ __ ] around or droped around a girl blow you off it's like these kinds of things make you feel like a million bucks it really helps you get past because you know if the girl you were with or used to date finds out or sees it you're moving on with your life and you're having a good time now what do you feel good about that but especially if you're trying to reott rack the one you're no longer with it really can cause it a go you know yeah I made a mistake maybe I judged him too harshly well I got a quote that I wrote in this topic and then I'm going to jump right into his email and the quote says no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don't invite them to do if you allow someone to come into your life start jerking you around and you continue to tolerate their bad behavior you are asking them to do it to you again by your tolerance of their bad behavior you enable and invite them to continue mistreating you if it's a lover you really want a job you want a business deal you want to close a new friend you want to have a rockstar employee you want to hire etc you must have a point that if they push you too far you will walk and never look back in every negotiation in life and make no mistake about it life is a constant stream of negotiations you must know your outcome in the minimum terms you are willing to accept before walking away from the deal or relationship if you don't you will perpetually be disappointed not give what you want and have people walking all over you you don't get what you deserve in life only what you negotiate so let's go ahead and jump right into his email he says hey coach Corey I found your work a few months back and wow what an eye-opener it's been thank you for doing what you do it is my purpose and it's my joy I really like to see other people succeeding from all the fuck-ups and all the mistakes that I've had in my life and then they don't have to go through the same pain they don't have to endure the same kinds of mistakes I just like seeing other people happy because of what I've gone through my life it makes all this struggle worth it plus it's great during awesome living helping people he says my ex has recently put herself back into my orbit how convenient he says she left me four and a half months ago and it wasn't a bad split but about two and a half months ago when she was away on a family vacation I finally got the dreaded let's just be friends speech that's always fun so you said it I finally got so it tells me you were expecting that to happen so obviously things weren't going well he says I told her I couldn't do that sorry and she seemed to understand she contacted me shortly after she returned you know just to see how I was doing well the real reason is she's calling to try to keep you in friendzone because she wants you to be a backup in case things don't work out with some other dude or she doesn't find anybody better that's what's really going on she's testing you in that particular moment because most guys are thinking oh I don't want to lose her so I'll just go along with the friendship thing and eventually she'll fall back in love with me and we'll live happily ever after if you agree to that [ __ ] never going to happen you have to be congruent with your words you can't say one week hey call me when you figure it out then after a few days not here for me you call her makes you look weak makes you look needy desperate and like that you don't really have a strong masculine core he says and she mentioned being friends again when she called trying to stick you back and friends and why because she pretty much walked all over you in the past women don't dump men who they're in love with they dumped men who they can treat like a doormat and who they've lost all respect or guys who just don't treat them properly and so she probably figured that she could call and you just go okay I'll befriend those really nice he says I found your work by that point and I gave her the how to get your ex back speech obviously from the video that I did a few years ago the best strategy to get your ex back and I truly walked away after that well good for you for having the [ __ ] balls to do that because you realize that what you were doing was not working your best it's like Wayne Dyer says wherever you are in life you could take great comfort in the fact that your best thinking got you to where you are right now but you realize hey my strategy is [ __ ] it's not working it's not getting me the results that I want and therefore you went to youtube where you went to Google search and you eventually found my website or my youtube channel he says she even sent me an email the next day thanking me for my honesty and letting me know she wouldn't be contacting me anymore lol in other words she won't be contact you until she tries to get you to cave again he says we had zero contact for about a month and then one day a little over three weeks ago guess who I get a text from who could it be I simply responded by asking so I suppose you want to get together he says that was in the morning and she sent four or five texts that night maybe eight to nine hours later that she knows I probably don't want to get together she just wanted to know how I was doing and stuff like that sure sure that's why she reached out because I was she started to realize that you're moving on with your life and you're totally cool with her being part of your past and then if she really values you if there's any little bit interest left she's not going to just let you walk out of her life and plus she's gone we want her day meet somebody else did he have another guy all or another girl all along he says over the next few days when she'd initiate contact I tried twice to set up definite dates with no success this is really important I talk about this in the book and I talk about this in a lot of videos you're only going to ask twice on two different occasions both times you like and then you don't ask anymore that's it and when they reach out to you after that you say you talk for two or three minutes max if they're calling you if it's a text only a couple of texts and then you say the same thing hey it was great hearing from you but I got to run keep in touch one or two things will happen after that they'll either bring up hey we should get together or I want to see you how about we go out for drinks or when can I see you then you make a date but unless they bring that up no get the [ __ ] off the phone in the text conversation saying great hearing from you I got to run and keep in touch it communicates it you're busy you've tried you make the effort and that's it and then they're going to realize really quick if they don't do something drastic you're history he says so I never brought up getting together again five to six days later it was a Saturday and now she's texting me asked me to go out for drinks with her that night huh imagine that I already had a date that night so I just told her I had other plans how about a rain check she said of course well I would have said I got plans but yeah I'd definitely love to see when you're free to get together and you invite her to come to your place remember she tossed you aside like you're trash you're not going to take her out you're not going to spend any money on you're not going to go pick her I mean I do eat at [ __ ] make her come to you she comes over to your place and makes dinner with you or that that's all you're interested she goes well how about we meet out why don't we go to that really nice restaurant used to take me to so you know what it's just been a long week I'm just the mood to hang in my place if you're not up for a nice quiet romantic evening then give me a call in two to three weeks and maybe I'll be up for something more formal then you need to make her come to you for the first two or three dates after that dinner at your place wine drinks coffee tea whatever you happened brank and dinner that's it hang out have fun and hook up like I talked about my book why because she doesn't deserve it she hasn't earned it she tossed you slide like you were nothing you were nice enough to ask her out twice and she's like yeah cuz she had all the power and now you're saying no you got to earn me back you're not telling her that but you're acting in a way that's that communicates that you're really not going to go out of your way for you want to see that she's submissive and that she appreciates you and she's going to make the effort to get get you back because she's the one that ended it she unilaterally changed the terms that she didn't give a [ __ ] about your need your want your desires therefore the greatest gift that you can give anybody in life is your time so therefore if you're gonna give her your time it's gonna be on your terms in other words she's gonna come to you she does want to come to you then no skin off your back [ __ ] it he says she said of course but then I'm a few minutes later tried to get me to change my plans and hang with her now the old you probably would not like okay but the new you since you've been applying the things I teach it's like yeah I'm busy I got plans he says I wouldn't and she finally said okay have a fun night two hours later I'm on my date at one of the nicer restaurants in town and her parents get seated at the booth next to ours ah what a co-inky-dink I bet you felt like a [ __ ] million bucks and that happened here you are this pretty new girl hey mom dad how you guys doing I remember that it was funny with it that that story I was telling you about when I was out and I ran into this girl's boss along with her husband a couple week or two later I was over at her parents house the other one that was really in love with and I was talking to her to her mom and she's telling me she says I thought that was so funny when I heard that story cuz I mean she day her parents love me and they're both like you know you're gonna [ __ ] it up a Corey it's like he's a catch don't [ __ ] that up and both her her mom and her dad were both like she got what she [ __ ] deserved you know I learned a lot from her mom you know her mother she spent all I spent a lot of time talking about these things with her she gave me a lot of great advice he says no more in 15 minutes after they sat down I get a text from the ex that just says I hope you have fun 20 minutes after that she comes in and joins her parents for dinner at the next booth she wanted to see what her competition was looking like she just could not take it curiosity got the best of remember we were like cats they're curious as [ __ ] they want to know he's my date and I were finished eating already had the check so we left for our next adventure now earlier in the day when she was pleading with me to change my plans and hang with her I did tell her that I was free the next day if she found herself in the mood for a Sunday funny okay so you did mention it he says but she told me work was so hectic right now so hectic she doesn't have fun on Sundays anymore she just focuses on getting ready for the workweek yeah that's a steaming pile of [ __ ] [ __ ] that's [ __ ] in other words she didn't get her way she's like yeah I'm too busy on Sunday for you he says so guess who sends me a text at midnight asking will you do brunch with me tomorrow huh notice how flexible she's become all of a sudden huh what a surprise he says a freaking midnight I was on a date and she knew it so now she's like oh my god I might actually lose this guy and so I waited to reply until 9:00 the next morning and I accepted her invitation we spent seven hours together that day at two different restaurants and then back at her place well I said I would have never gone to see her that's part of your mistake and I know you've been watching my videos for a while and in my book you know that the woman's supposed to come to you but you didn't listen so you went out of your way to go take her out of me tonight and shining armor and all that crap when this woman's just jerked you around constantly she hasn't earned it so she doesn't deserve it I let her do 78% of talking and I really listened and communicated like you described which is definitely something that I failed to do when we were still together as a couple when we left the first place I open the car door for her and she just grabbed me and started kissing me hey when we get out and go back to my place and have a glass of champagne sweetheart hang out have fun hook up he says she was all over me at the second place and I did a great job of acting confident taking two steps forward one step back that tells me try to act a little too aloof a little and different like you didn't really care but she's all over you in that point what you should be doing is moving the interaction back to your place so you can hang out have fun and hook up create an opportunity for sex to happen I understand guys are learning this stuff it's like they're thinking oh I got to be a little indifferent and actually I don't really give a [ __ ] that kind of thing he says so finally I took her back to her place and she invited me in all you all you have to do at that point is not talk her out of sleeping with you we made out a little more but I could tell she wasn't open enough yet to go for the indoor Olympics so in other words you gave up so I just told her I had a good time and left it was a good day you should have gotten laid definitely dude but I understand you're buying this stuff you're learning but sex could have definitely happened there this is your ex-girlfriend this is not some [ __ ] stranger you're going out with on a first date he says I let her do 100 percent of the initiating contact after all she dumped me and a day hasn't passed without her texting me at least once using her initiated contacts last Monday in Wednesday morning I tried to make dates again by asking when she was free to get together again again she was wishy-washy two responses so I didn't bring it up anymore this sounds like she's read the book of the rules and she's purposely being difficult thinking she's going to outmaneuver you were out manipulate you then on Wednesday night she texts me are you going to take me out again soon I was a little baffled after all I just tried to make a date earlier that day I just said yes I'd like to do that when are you free she said Sunday or Monday so I replied Monday 6:30 be ready to have fun I'll pick you up again you're [ __ ] up you're going to her have her come to you bro he says she texted me back sounds good she was out of town over the weekend so contact was minimal between making plans and the date we were supposed to have for the day we were supposed to have our next date so money comes in 45 minutes before I pick her up she cancels that's [ __ ] not cool she's doing that [ __ ] on purpose she says she's sick sorry she can't go out makes no mention of rescheduling it was like a flashback to our last month or so together I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything I just got busy doing other things I needed to do half hour later I was when I was supposed to pick her up she sends a little drama Texas says okay hope you you're better and 15 minutes after that when she says hello when I got doing what I was doing about two hours later I got a text hi you last-minute cancel without mention of rescheduling that's textbook blow-off I don't have time for that so I just went did other stuff feel better perhaps some other time she didn't respond but the next day it was a little pissy at first I just remain calm and told her I wasn't upset but that was pretty uncool she conceded and said yeah sorry I was kind of a jackass blow-off I was just so exhausted from driving all week and I didn't want to get out of bed in other words you are really [ __ ] low priority of my life and I knew I could get away with it because I'm used to jerking you around because you would let me get away with it he's I know getting your ex back is a process I wouldn't be surprised if she canceled the date was just test yes she did on a purpose this is why you don't go to her this woman's jerked you around so much just like why go out and pick her up and treat her like a normal woman she doesn't [ __ ] deserve it she wants she's supposed to be earning you back so her how was you going to pick her up and take her out and spend money on her and explain these extravagant dates her earning you back it's just basically you go right back in acting like her boyfriend again as if it's totally okay that she dumped you and blew you off her cell vermont's that's part of the problem your actions literally invited her to continue mistreating you because she realized all she has to do is call you and boom you're right back the same guy you were before but however if you had made her come to you and stuck your guns especially if she tried to get you to go out or pick her up or do something like that she would realize that now in other words I'm not you're not going to tell her this but you're not going out of your way for her why should you she tossed you aside like you're nothing she didn't want to work on things she blew you off and tried to friends on you why would you want to go and spend money and pick somebody up like that when you've got a brand new girl who's pretty maybe prettier and she has a good attitude of course you're gonna go out you're gonna spend money on her why not you're gonna go on a regular date cuz she deserves it she hasn't done anything to [ __ ] it up in other words so that's that's a big part of your problem when I see that you did wrong here is you didn't have her come to you you just jumped right back in to be mr. perfect boyfriend and as soon as she saw that there were basically no consequences and that she can she had you wrapped around her finger once again at least she thought she did that's why she blew you off because there's no consequences you're she blows you off and you're ready to pick her up again and take her out and spend money on her no [ __ ] way at least for the next two to three dates she must come to you and you must [ __ ] you you're not taking her out you're not spending money on her now you're gonna tell her are you gonna [ __ ] me but it's like she comes over and you want to hang out have fun and hook up you want to see how flexible she is if she doesn't want to come over and hang out and have fun then you're not gonna take her on e we're all it's been a long week just the mood to hang give me call in two to three weeks and maybe we'll do something more formal then it's that simple and when she's texting you all the time take your time to get back to her if she calls or texts after 6 or 7 p.m. wait till 9 10 11 o'clock the next morning to respond oh he was out with a friend you know just got your text sorry you know I hope you had a great night you don't even bring up what she was texting you about why because she should be disinterested why would you want to be interested in a woman who blows you off and treat you like a second-class citizen or a redheaded stepchild you wouldn't she just simply doesn't deserve it he says she did it she did it off in the last month we were together and I chase and pursue hard to get the next date see that's what she expects is going to happen and so you going to her and picking her up just communicate sit hey I can still treat him like a piece of [ __ ] and he's going to come back anyways that's why it's so important that she comes to you it reestablishes the power and lets her and she asked she'll realize that the only way to get you back is that she comes to you if she makes the effort and then she's going to be on pins and needles thinking gee you know what I don't want to [ __ ] this up I don't want to take this for granted that I got another opportunity with them so he says not this time and now she's communicating all nice again but I'm not going to ask her out again to get together unless she brings it up don't ask her to get together unless she brings up at all and she must come to you I also know that you have to practice diffident patience with women but this one is really testing mine any advice and how I should be responding to her daily texts so I can have more Sunday fun days like with my ex and fewer days like our canceled dates I'm still dating other women practicing with great results but my ex is one I really want simple don't ask her out any more chat for two to three months no phone max one or two maybe three texts back and forth and you end this with all of them the same response hey was great hear from you but I gotta run keep in touch whenever she texts she takes several hours to get back to her she's like she should be the lowest prior to think about it if she was a low priority if she was somebody who really didn't want to talk to you're not gonna be in a rush to get back to her that's how you want to treat her you want to treat her as if you're already bored out of your [ __ ] mind whether it's like I'll [ __ ] not her and you oh I'll text her later tonight you know what I'm gonna you know I'm gonna go take a [ __ ] right now and you know what I'm gonna take a nap then I'm gonna have some pizza and beard and you know maybe I'll respond to that text later I mean seriously think about it that way if you're [ __ ] bored and she's a low priority she's treating you like you're a low priority but you're making her a high priority and that's your problem that's why you're getting jerked around because you're in essence inviting her hey please do that to me again that was a lot of fun I like you blowing me off so if you'd like to get my help personally the quickest way is to book a paid phone Skype or email coaching you can choose any of those options by going to my website clicking the products tab at the top of the page on any page of my website and just follow the instructions for booking whichever option works best for you and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 414,872

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Id: CK9d2GxaSvU

Length: 23min 16sec (1396 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 08 2014