Attraction Triggers & Turn-Offs

hi I'm coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter the top of this newsletter is going to be attraction triggers and turn offs well I've got five different emails I'm going to go through with you today three of them are from guys and two of them are from women but before we get into it I've got a good quote that's really important with what we're going to be going through because I really go into the difference.we masculine feminine energy and the characteristics of each as well as the behaviors it says an understanding of masculine and feminine energy is essential to creating and maintaining attraction during dating and extending into relationships masculine energy tends to be more purpose mission goal strength leadership decisiveness and accomplishment focused feminine energy tends to be more focused on connecting bonding relationships commitments receiving uncertainty submissiveness feelings and following when either a man or woman action ways that are not consistent with their natural essence it tends to lessen sexual attraction and repel members of the opposite sex well let's get in the first email this one's from a guy and I did a phone session with him I think about a week or so ago he says hey coach I had a Skype chat with you last week and I told you about a girl that I was seeing from another city after she went cold on me and not speaking for a week she dumped me by saying as she felt we were too far apart in distant etc I followed your video and book advice and backed off and didn't contact her when she contacted me via text a week later I told her the standard hey I really want to see you we had a great time last time we were together and I really like you but I don't want to be just friends call me when you want to see me again she ended up texting me back tell me the next time you were in my country and and that's basically what she said and then he says and then she confirmed via Facebook that I received her message so she's reaching out on social media as well to make sure you received your text that means it she's really concerned about it that she wants you to know that she'd like to see you he's a few days later the day that you and I had our Skype session she wished me a happy birthday and I had a small chat with her how work is etc I kept the conversation short and organized to see her next time I am in her country she replied in a very positive way yes I'll be free then and of course we will see each other well that's obviously a good thing I don't know if he didn't say whether it was made definite plans or just say next time I'm in your country I'd like to see you but the key is in that situation unless of course you don't know when you're going to be in her country again but the end of day like if you know you're going to be someplace you say hey I'm not sure what I'm gonna be there but I'll get in touch with you as we get as I get closer to the date we could definitely plan something then and then you know a week or two before you actually come to her country you say hey I'm going to be in town on such and such date I'd love to see you when are you free to get together that what I just said is specifically how you want to say it to her he says at this point I thought I had her the next evening at 11 p.m. she contacted me asking I mean what kind of presentation and I was going to be doing what I'm visiting your country the next time is I happen to leave my phone at work that night so I messaged her back in the morning when I got to work hey it's a secret with a little smiley face in a wink then I wrote just kidding it's a seminar with a professor then she replied nice there's really nothing to do at that point when you either have plans set up or you're going to see her in a few weeks so you'll get in touch when you know a week or two before you actually go visit to make some definite plans just like I said a min ago using those words hey I'm going to be in town next week I'm going to be in town the 25th through the 30th and I really love to see you when are you free to get together because when you phrase it like that it presupposes that of course she wants to see you of course she's going to make time for you because this is always what happens when girls who like you know that you're coming to visit they will make there they will make themselves available to you in other words the way I phrase it there's no doubt there's no no hopefully you want to see me hopefully you can make time your schedule is just you presuppose they want to see you and you act accordingly act as if think from the end always remember that's what James Bond that's what he always does no matter what a woman says no matter how much she protests or says there's no way you're getting my pants he always has that boyish smirk because he knows how it's going to end why because that's how it always ends why because he's James Bond that's just the way it goes he says I was always quite busy that day at work I didn't reply anything back I figured she just wanted that info to tell her friends or something I didn't think it was a big deal anyway a week has passed I haven't gotten any text from her apart from a facebook like when I posted something about going to another country in Europe and I reciprocated by liking her photo with her small cousin a few days later see what's happened is you know you're going to visit and you're thinking that she's gonna be calling and texting you every day that's not the case this is still you being impatient this is still the neediness and the the illusion of action you have to actually do something well she knows that you're coming to visit she's not your girlfriend and there's no reason to be reaching out to her contacting her and it's nice that she liked something on Facebook of yours that shows that she's monitoring you on social media and seeing what you're up to but you going and liking her photos it's just another way to pursue because in your mind you think well I have to do something to make her like me more but you doing too much is actually what got you dumped in the first place and I know we talked about this night and the call but this is what happens it's like you start doubting yourself you start wondering all she's not gonna like me it's not going to work out because that's your bleep because you're not thinking from the end you're thinking oh it probably won't work out because as we discussed in the phone session those are some of the limiting beliefs that you have so the key is to act as if he says I also noticed she's been going out that weekend and her friend posted pictures of them hugging some guys and they were discussing in the comments how cute one of them is and how something happened seems like an inside joke or something or an indication that someone hooked up with someone it's not your [ __ ] business she ain't your girlfriend anymore and you shouldn't be stalking her on social media anyways and that's part of the problem you're in this fear of laws kind of mentality she already said she'd love to see you she pursued you she initiated it you told her you're definitely going to get together when you come to visit next time he says the facebook conversation involves the guys too and our other friends so I don't think it's a setup or anything like that remember the quote that I shared feminine energy tends to be uncertain and you're acting uncertain so in essence you're in your feminine right now and this is part of the problem and it's key to go back and because I'm going to post that quote obviously on the actual article page my website but to really get to understand which behaviors are masculine and which behaviors are feminine so you can apply that to what you're thinking or not thinking about doing and saying because if you do things and you say things that are really feminine kind of qualities that's going to cause her to back up and lose attraction for you he says I have a feeling that she met another guy in the meantime and had me as a backup which she no longer needs again more doubting the future more uncertainty this is more feminine energy here he says it's just my vibe it could be paranoia you're definitely a little paranoid but you're thinking like a woman instead of a man right now a man wouldn't give a [ __ ] he knows he's going to be going to Belgrade and whether or not he's Caesar who [ __ ] cares if you see her it's a bonus and if you don't maybe you'll meet somebody else that's the way you need to think that's how James Bond would think he's his thing is I organized to meet her in her country on the 27th of November so I'm unsure how to act now well obviously now I can tell that you definitely have definite plans and meet up whether there's nothing to do you don't need to pursuer you have definite plans that's only with three three and half weeks away at this particular point but how you I'm unsure of how to act you have a day with her go about your life meet other women hang on have some fun and hook up in your own country and if you get to see her if she keeps the plans that you have with her awesome it's a bonus it's like the cherry on top it's the icing on the cake he says however I feel that if I contact her confirming that she will see me and I will only seem we forget rejecting it exactly because feminine energy is uncertain of itself masculine energy is certain you have a date so therefore you should be certain but if you start acting uncertain and start reaching out to her like a woman would it's going to ruin the sexual polarity and turn her off perhaps they went overboard with being too cold to her for not replying to her nice message absolutely not there wasn't the conversation ended there was nothing for you to say to her remember it's a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear she knows you're coming to town you're going to see her in the 27 and there's no reason for you to call or text that will facilitate her being unsure of yourself remember feminine energy is uncertain masculine energy is certain and so therefore the two to three weeks leading up to you actually coming to visit when she really starts to wonder hey just want to see how you're doing I'm making sure you're still coming to see me in the 27th absolutely baby wouldn't miss it for the world I look forward to it that's how you respond to that he says what do you would think I should do now abso-fucking-lutely nothing is I have a feeling she might cancel on me last minute when I go to her country either way well if you keep thinking like that remember what you focus on tends to expand your acting totally in your feminine right now you're not acting like a man what act you have a date with her who cares if she cancels it it's her [ __ ] loss if she does that but I promise you if you keep running around in circles like a dog chasing stale thinking and being fearful and feeling like you have to do something there's a pretty good chance she will cancel on you he's I feel like I got dumped twice right now I'm perhaps I should have not played it so cool actually did everything perfect until you started liking her Facebook text or maybe she just had me as a backup all the time and now things are going well with some other guys she has ditched me remember 97% of guys out there they don't know this [ __ ] so who [ __ ] cares you got to let it go and you stop worrying about a dude there's things that you can control in life and there's things that you can and her go come with another guy there's nothing you can do about that it's totally out of your control because it's totally up to her free will and how good or how bad this other particular guy is with women remember 97% of them don't get it so there's a really good chance by the time you actually go visit her he will [ __ ] up anyway so it doesn't [ __ ] matter so let's move on the next email this is from a woman she says hey coach I'm seeing a new guy for about two months now and we'll call him gym guy when we first met we went on a couple of dates and the attraction was high my emotionally abusive ex had also just recently popped back into the picture I was honest with both of them and let them both know I was hanging out with both not sex just feeling things out my ex has been seeking help and I have been there to help him through a lot of issue of his issues apparently I hadn't felt like I had learned enough lessons with him on and off for four years I figured he could change well maybe he just wanted to be extra extra extra sure and plus more than likely the other guy that you just started dating wasn't really acting that strong anyways and so therefore you're just naturally going to be attracted to whoever acts more certain unsure of himself whoever asked whoever acts the most masculine is who you're going to be most attracted to remember the quote that I shared the beginning of the video I told Jim guy that I wasn't going to talk to him anymore because I wanted to give this relationship one more chance as he professed his undying love for me and I am the only girl he's ever loved that's definitely feminine he's totally unsure himself totally being submissive there and acting like he's got nothing else going on in his personal life and he's not acting like he's much of a catch and so therefore she has no choice but to agree with them hey I'm going back to the emotionally of X because you're acting like a boy and he least acts like a man at least for now it is long story short it didn't work with the X he I he idealized and devalued and dumped me I went running back into gym guys arms not necessarily for a relationship more or less I enjoyed his company and he was over-the-top sweet I really liked him then after its what's so beautiful about now you can see the other side of it from a woman's perspective of what she sees when a guy exhibits of Havers will be talked about so often these videos then after a week of seeing one one another gym guy starts talking about our future how he loves me wants to move in together all making me feel really uncomfortable never my article women want to feel safe and comfortable he's in essence acting like a woman he's acting like women did in movies from 30 40 50 years ago which is why it's a total turnoff because what you see in movies today is totally flipped the guys act like [ __ ] in the women act like men she says I told him he needs to chill out and back off but he tells me he loves me like 15 times a day he tells me he doesn't feel good enough for me feminine energy is uncertain and he's acting totally feminine then I'm going to leave him because I'm going to get bored obviously you know he basically says I feel that she says that he feels that I'm going to leave him because I'm going to get bored well it's obvious you're already getting bored because he's not act like he's an equal he doesn't act like he deserves to be there my ex is a multi-millionaire and gym guy is only just starting to get his life together I think he's really intimidated by that fact but he doesn't see that I like him and I'm hanging out with him so none of that should matter attraction is not a choice in here you have a woman confirming that she just likes him because she likes him but yet he's doing and saying things to literally talk her right out of liking him he tells me how much he loves me and needs me look what she says which is a real turnoff because it is so constant remember it's a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear doesn't mean it your cold fish it just means that when she becomes uncertain she calls her she texts you she asked about things where you feel or what you feel towards her he tells me I'm cold and distant but I feel like it's hard to be warm and living when I'm constantly being paraded with pressures to hang out or see one another so in other words she's in her masculine because he's always in his feminine I tell him he is super insecure and he needs to just chill out he says he loves me then if I say I'm going out with the girls one night and the next day I'm too hung over to hang out he gets super weird freaks out and then breaks up with me well that sounds really immature last night we fought all night because I went out Saturday and wanted to spend Sunday alone gathering my thoughts and hanging with my mom you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free and obviously she ain't feeling free everything this guy is doing he's acting like a woman and is forcing her to move into her masculine he works long days and says all Saturday night he was unable to work out unable to sleep in the next day he was a disaster at work he broke up with me late Sunday Sunday night I said okay I understand I don't want to ever cause someone this much pain and I do not want to be the reason you lose your job I care about you but I'm not worth that he caught he shortly called me back after our talk I felt sad but hey life goes on right anyway he called me back and was like please don't leave me I love you please help me I would be open to a phone session well what I would do if I were you is you just got to say look you're acting like a woman and if you're feeling insecure about it and you're feeling needy don't call me and don't puke all this [ __ ] up on me I don't want to deal with it you need that confident and you need accessart you need to act like you deserve to be with me and all of your behavior it's a total [ __ ] turnoff it makes me totally lose my attraction for you and any woman will feel the same way so if you want to like not ruin your chance with me you'll cut out all this [ __ ] behavior and start acting like a man and if you can't do that then maybe it's best we just part ways because this you're like a yo-yo and I just I can't deal with it maybe you should go get professional help maybe she'll get coach Corey Wayne to help you but I mean you're obviously in the driver's seat and you have all power but I would tell them explicitly and logically phrase senses that a man's logical brain can understand when he specifically needs to do now if he doesn't listen to you and he won't take your advice then eventually you're going to tire of his [ __ ] and blow him off but thanks for the email is a great email so here's let's get a third email this one's from a guy he says hey Corey I got your book and I must say what a great read it is very helpful and insightful too I would however like your advice on a specific situation I'm 34 my wife is 26 and we've been together for 10 years since she was 16 and married for just over two years eight weeks ago we inside to separate to give ourselves space from each other what triggered this really was that for the past year or so she'd been going out with friends every weekend at least twice maybe sometimes three times a weekend partying like a rock star and obviously the reason she's doing that is she's not feeling stimulated and fulfilled at home in your relationship in your marriage that tells me you're probably at some point stopped courting her properly don't get me wrong I feel that some time apart in a relationship is almost as important as time together but this was becoming too much and whenever I raise the point it always resulted in an argument oh right then they're men who are you with women don't understand them that's just a way that's just the way it is if you're arguing with her all you're going to do is drive her away from you because you're not understanding her and all you end up doing is making her feel hurt and creating distance between the two of you and that's why she wants to go have her freedom because you're basically trying to control her and lock her down so you feel good about yourself in a relationship you've got to let her come me you've got to let her choose you but instead it's like every time you get around her you're like a drama queen because you're acting like a woman he says we've spoken sense and she feels like she never had that carefree time where she did have to answer or be response for anyone else other than herself that tells me she feels like she's totally lost her freedom by being with you that's going to turn off any woman since we separated she's now living with her sister and I've moved on with my life playing sports meeting new people including girls something I've really enjoyed awesome keep doing that you're getting back to the guy that you were before you met her while this has been good I would still like to resolve things with my wife well it takes two if she's unwilling to do that then there's really not a whole hell of a lot you can do we spoke last week and she knows it as a phase she's going through her admission but at this moment in time she's enjoying this phase as not considering coming back that's why you should [ __ ] play ball hang out have fun and hook up with whoever the hell you want because that's obviously what she's doing she's not even living with you I mean you guys are an essence broken up broken up but legally you're still married and so she's acting like she's single so in our oats having a good time and that's why you need to focus get refocused on being the man that you were remember masculine energy is about accomplishing and you should be focused on accomplishing making your life fun and happy taking better care of your body hanging out having fun instead of waiting around and being uncertain being submissive to her and just waiting for her to come back to you he says I'm cool with this at present but I also don't do not want this situation to go on for months for obvious reasons is there anything I can do apart from what I'm doing now focus on yourself don't call her don't texture don't get in touch with her when she reaches out to you make a date hang out have fun and hook up with her when she's down for that other net let her come to you because that it has to be her idea to come back to you and slowly build attraction you should just look at her as just another girl that you're hanging out having fun not with because that's obviously the way she's looking at you but the way you keep acting you're trying to lock her down when she's just not emotionally in a place where she wants to be with you so continue to read the book and especially learn to apply the communication communication techniques I talked about my book so let's get to the fourth email this one's from a guy he says hey coach how are you I'm [ __ ] awesome supercalifragilisticexpialidocious thank you very much I just have to say your videos are awesome I have your book also they really helped me in a way that I think and so thanks a lot I just wanted to hear your thoughts on a situation I had I have a friend as a personal trainer and every Saturday he holds his sessions in a park which I had been attending I met this girl there who I personally think is the most beautiful girl on the planet it's always nice when you meet a girl you feel that way about so I went up to her and told her I think she's gorgeous and I got her number that's awesome that's textbook that's perfect that shows a lot of confidence you expressed your sexuality without any apologizing and you got her number the only thing that I would have done taking a step further is like hey you're gorgeous you take my breath away when you free to meet up for a drink make the date on the spot because the more steps you put in between making a date the higher the likelihood that something's going to happen you're going to do and say something that's gonna turn her off but the more you're confident and where you go for which one she's just not gonna be able to say no to that and that really makes a difference like if you're just kind of like borderline like on a scale of one a 10-year maybe like a five in her eyes so you like barely got a shot and when you act that way and you make a day in the spot that's enough to put her over the edge to where it's like you know I've never had a guy ask me out that way I do to express a lot of conference so I'm gonna give him the benefit out and see what happens I'm gonna see if he's a good match for me I'm gonna see if he's good for me remember that's the place that women come from are you good for me we went out a few days later and had an awesome time over drinks there was a good connection with this girl and I assumed she had high interest in me because after a little while of chatting she had her leg resting in mind for almost the whole date when woman does that when she puts her leg over yours so you put your hand on the inside earth I just leaned in and you [ __ ] go over the kiss and you start making out hanging out having fun hooking up make dates in the evening that can lead to sex she liked you because you came off as really confident by telling her what you thought about her you were honest she didn't hold back you were won over sent sexual you made a date in a spot so I thought things were going really well and after the date she sat down with me outside we started chatting again for about another 30 minutes then there was a silence and she broke it by saying for some reason I'm just looking at you and I can't stop smiling so I kissed her nice job you went for the kiss we chat it again and then I kissed her once more to say goodbye that's why it's always important to make a date either near your place or her place to where you can say hey let's go out here and go back to my place and my glass of champagne or would you like to come back to my place have a glass champagne with me she texted me when she got home saying that she had fun and I said the same then we agreed that we should see each other again the following Saturday for the personal training session in the park and wrong move do issue making a day to hang out have fun a hookup just the two of you because if you're hanging out and doing a personal training sessions kind of like a friendship thing remember the whole purpose of a date is to create a fun-filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen this was on a Tuesday night I didn't call her a text her to see if she would be the one to contact me she didn't the Saturday comes that she acts like nothing happened well you just agreed to see chill you didn't make it day with her it's like you started off good and then you start doing friendship things like hey let's go to lunch hey let's meet the personal tray it's like saying hey let's meet at the gym that's not a day dude she texted me after I asked her again a week later to see if she was free to hang out and I got B s a B s response so she texted me saying that she wanted to be friends so I told her I'm not interested to give me a call if she changes her mind and left it at that I still see her every now and then as I also teach the same class on Wednesdays I'm a personal trainer also I'm just very confused and a bit frustrated because I did the best I could showing her what I wanted and not being afraid about kissing her on the first date and the fact I've never wanted anyone more than this girl I know it tells me you're probably throwing up your feelings all over her on that date you probably went a little overboard with that and we're a little too nice at the end of day you didn't lead it to a successful conclusion in the bedroom and when it came time to make the nn+ that same day on the day of your first date you're making a second date but it wasn't really dated it's just like hey I'll see you at the gym kind of thing that it's those are the kind of things like she obviously was digging you and she was giving you a shot because you were acting like a man but I would say more unlikely on a scale of one to ten you were probably five in her eyes and so you didn't really have much margin for error there now she did perceive you as like an eight or a nine it wouldn't [ __ ] matter it wouldn't turned her off that much with this particular girl when she gave you the let's just be friends speech you like we're barely hanging on and she was starting to like you her attraction was starting to grow but you fumbled the football by not making a definite date and just agreeing to meet at the gym class he says I'd give it a rest because I'm not going to waste my time in war if there is a chance I could turn this around please let me know what I could do well I'd say you probably pretty much screwed the pooch on this one dude if not it is what it is I know that was a long message I understand your busy schedule but I really appreciate your opinion this one have an awesome day well thank you thanks for sharing the email but like I said that's why I you know it's just a few subtle things that you did wrong but in this particular case they made all the difference because obviously she really wasn't crazy about you to start with but because of the way you communicated your sexuality with her meaning you're gorgeous and you got our phone number right in the spot and then you made a date everything was great but after that cuz you were like kind of still stuck in mr. nice guy mode you didn't really make a second day you made hey let's just meet up at the park and I'll see you gym class it's like that's just a bad way to go dude you're not going to get anywhere when you do that so let's get to the fifth and final email this one's from a woman she says hey Cory I came across your videos on YouTube and I find them incredibly insightful and truthful of how women behave and think I was wondering if you have similar interviews for women on the man immense nature in science well your luck and presently doing a video on it and I'm answering your email in it so she says the reason why am I asking because I like a guy we both live in London the UK who we had obvious chemistry with the second time you met mainly because it turned that we had nine turned out that we had 98% similar interest which was surreal it's always nice when that happens was very rare and he invited me to spend a day out the following weekend I suspected he had a girlfriend and was wondering why he wasn't inviting her out as I wasn't interested in getting involved in a love triangle he said she was in the Ukraine and that it was a long-distance relationship I asked it purposely because in some way I tried to clarify the situation whether he was in or out so you were trying to lock him down to a commitment only this second date I mean thinking I understand as if he has a girlfriend and she's in another country he's really just looking probably to hook up and what I would have done if I were use is hang out have fun and hook up with him and that would have been it but you got understand a dude like that if he's gonna cheat on his girlfriend when she's not around he's not good relationship material he's a cheater but if you want to have a little hook up until you meet somebody that you really dig and who's single and available and unattached that's another story but trying to lock a guy down to a commitment again this is what you see in the movies for 30 40 50 years ago and that's okay when you've been dating for a couple of months but not on your second date remember you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free she says I have little patience for uncertainty but I noticed that after my question all the chemistry disappeared and never reoccurred we meet sometimes as friends and I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach and I don't see the same sign for him long gazing at me smiles and chemistry sets in but I can't get him out of my head could to code the situation please as I'm trying to move on but can't because I don't understand how chemistry could disappear so quickly and if it has disappeared permanently and I'm still not interested in half commitments again focus on hanging out having fun and hook and I'll focus on a relationship on the second date especially when you're with a guy that already has a girlfriend he's just a do to hook up with and I would do nothing I wouldn't call him I would reach out to him I wouldn't do anything if he gets in touch to you say hey let's get together I'd like to see you and make a date an evening that ultimately can lead to sex at some point make a move on the guy guys do like that if you just want to hook up with him but if you're looking for a relationship this guy is not the right dude he's not a good relationship candidate he's a great sex playmate and friends with benefits and from everything you share with me that sounds like that's what he was looking for but you're looking for a relationship and since you're focused on a relationship that's why he's pretty much bounced on you and just kept you in friendzone because obviously he realizes the more he gets involved with you the more that you're going to want more but if you can maintain some control and just understand that he's just a sex plane man or a [ __ ] buddy then that's the way I would look at it if I were you so if you'd like to get my home personally the quickest way is a book a paid phone session you can do that by going to my website click the products tab at the top of your screen and follow the instructions for booking a paid phone or Skype session with me or you can also do email coaching and I will talk to you soon you

Channel: Coach Corey Wayne

Views: 393,871

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Length: 32min 14sec (1934 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 04 2013