White Male Privilege Isn't Real

what was racist about a poo here is a brown man married to a beautiful brown woman owns his own business selling overpriced products to unwitting white people who is not racist he's the american dream i am number one and whoever don't acknowledge it hey why are you apologizing for laughing bro look what we've done to white men [Applause] let that out bro you're allowed to be happy white men are like shelter dogs now he's apologizing for laughing at a comedy show isn't that unbelievable it's like watching reek and game of thrones going through the whole arc you guys used to run big dicks swinging everywhere well moderate-sized dicks swinging everywhere that dude i'ma be honest i don't even believe in white male privilege shut up i'm waiting for you to shut the up always say name one thing a white male can't have okay an opinion opinions are liberating i literally get paid for mine the second a white guy even starts to have one the entire internet is like um your privilege is showing [Laughter] maybe you should check your privilege i hate that dude let a white guy express himself because if you don't they bottle up all their feelings and then they fester and get real dark and then they walk into a voting booth every four years and the rest of us are like how the did this happen that's how you didn't let them say anything then one guy showed up and said everything and they were like that's my guy [Applause] it's like the dark knight for white dudes not the hero we need the hero we deserve i'll tell you another thing a white dude can't have an excuse let me tell you something white guy if you fail it is your fault and i'ma tell you right now you look like you've been through some but nobody cares how much you struggle it don't matter if you grew up in a trailer park and your daddy beat you and your mom was addicted to white people crack meth you guys know i'm talking about meth right ravaging middle america kind of funny in a car make sense but the point is we just look at white men like their cats we're like ah he'll land on his feet that sucks dude there's freedom of being a minority the freedom i have if i fail not only is it not my fault it's still your fault ain't that crazy i'm not talking to all minorities i understand black americans have been taken advantage of mistreated for centuries i get that but when i see people who look like me talking about white privilege where were your parents they didn't teach you about your american privilege i grew up in the 90s and i tried being woke back when i was just lazy and they set me straight mom dad you know white people have jobs indians can't access they'd be like okay you know what you have that real indians can't access toilets there's a lot of folks if you try to describe toilets they would think it was actual magic they'd be like wait a minute hold on you doo-doo into a machine press a button dude disappear where does it go [Music] and you're so privileged you'd be like honestly bro i never even thought about it part's unknown i guess could have done that episode we're so privileged we don't just got toilets we got toilet paper it's a lot of people don't got paper paper we got ass paper and have you seen the adjectives we're putting on this product it's pretty privileged no no quilted extra absorbent aloe and vitamin e i am wiping my ass with blankets at this point triple ply nutrient enriched blankets how privileged we are dude my gets more vitamins than the average african adolescent that's crazy and we can talk about other people's privilege get the out of here this is how privileged we are as americans if you go to your friend's house and they got one-ply toilet paper don't you start looking around like did he lose his job i understand why else would be relegated to this government-issued product i can't wipe my ass with this it feels like paper white privilege dawg i'm saying we're lucky to be us i'm not saying he can't cancel anybody i think we're taking it a bit far canceling mascots come on the washington redskins if you really care about the native americans you know that the washington redskins mascot isn't too offensive it's not offensive enough guys i thought this through if you talk to people half of them will tell you that native americans are offended by the redskins mascot the other half will tell you that they're not and what i've realized is we're all just guessing because native americans are basically human bitcoin like i believe they exist but i never got my hands on one of them i've never seen one in the real world but you forget how up that is until you see a racist mascot so if you really care about the native americans you make all their mascots as offensive as possible as reminders the washington redskins they should be the washington white skin heads the chicago blackhawk lives don't matter thanks black dude for laughing so hard you really you free up the rest of these guys to let it out you know what i mean they don't know it's okay they didn't even let me get to the most offensive name the portland trail of tear blazing yeah right that's pretty good now you remember if you didn't think about the trail of tears in fifth grade and now you're like oh maybe we should give them some reparations thank you racist mascot also if you know anything about sports you want the redskins to have a racist mascot because this is a terrible team so if there's any young kids thinking about being racist they'll take one look at that win-loss record and be like never mind wow clearly racism is for losers god one playoff win in 30 years that's embarrassing that should be your punishment if you have a bad team you have to have a racist mascot the cleveland browns you think i want my skin associated with that garbage franchise absolutely not you are the cleveland klansman until further notice grew up in the 90s i'm not used to indians talking about racism these got rid of a poo how you gonna cancel a poo dog i miss a pool you guys remember a pool the indian guy that owned the convenience store in the simpsons he was a staple of my childhood and then all of a sudden four brown dudes wanted to white girls and try to make him racist and then they just canceled this what was racist about a poo here is a brown man married to a beautiful brown woman owns his own business selling overpriced products to unwitting white people who is not racist he's the american dream [Applause] the only thing that offended my parents about a poo was i'm not a poo i'd be like what about his accent doesn't that offend you and they would be like your accent offends me have you heard yourself speak hindi it's embarrassing [Music] man these brown a-list millionaires oh because of a poo i got made fun of in my childhood welcome to childhood what do you this is with everybody else you think they were carrying the korean kid on their shoulders after calculus no they cheat on that and then ignore him until the next pop quiz the korean kid at my school didn't even know his name you know what they called him chinese that's right they didn't care [Applause] thank god i had a poo for bullies to make fun of otherwise they would have made fun of me for me i don't need that 5'7 i'm skinny fat i kind of sound like steve buscemi i get too many vulnerabilities but luckily i had a poo to absorb all of their insults like captain america shield so the worst thing a bully ever said to me was thank you come again oh teacher teacher this kid is calling me polite how will i recover i heard they're gonna bring him back and he's going to be voiced by an indian dude i gotta be honest i don't want that i want a pool voice by a white guy don't woo make me feel away let me explain first because back in the day whenever some racist redneck would be like these indians are taking all our jobs i could be like [Applause] not all of them oh by by the way real quick public service announcement i am double vaccinated but i don't think you should yell at every person who doesn't want to get the vaccine [Applause] there they are get them all black people got nervous no i'm being serious dude i don't think you should yell at a person just because they don't want to get the vaccine unless they're fat now i got a problem with you oh now you care about your health now when you can kill more than just you all of a sudden you're health conscious you're on four blood pressure medications and now you don't trust big pharma your blood type is lipitor and now you don't trust medicine huh [Applause] look if you are against a vaccine but you are a personal trainer who watches everything you put in your body at least you're consistent but if you're about to lose your foot anyway take the shot talking all about i'm worried about my quality of life you can't even walk a flight of steps quality of life you sleep with a cpap machine i don't know the vaccine could kill me so could a nap you talking about cause i'm tired of listening to these fat yeah you know i've been doing a lot of reading online oh what a surprise the fat guy sat at his computer for three days straight it's funny you can read all that but you can never seem to read nutrition facts right there on the box of butter just that escapes you them lame-ass excuses from fat people fat like i don't know what they put in those things you're eating flamin hot cheetos dawg you got any clue what red lake 40 is you fat let that laugh out dawg go ahead bro i see white dude's happy you laughing like you got a fat family member see how he laughing he knows i'm just saying don't you want to feel something in your left arm before you grab that in the middle of your heart attack it would be nice to do this and not have to die at the end of it yeah well that's a little sore as opposed to call my hole once there's only one form of privilege i believe in white female privilege [Music] see how scared you all got in that kind of something that's the power they have them are like voldemort [Music] oh no don't say their name they'll write a blog you'll disappear hey don't hide your face when you laugh bro these every minority that complains about white men ladies is just trying to you i'm not that guy but i don't have a problem with your privilege i think it's a good thing i think you should teach your privilege globally because a lot of women could use white female privilege listen i'm indian i read the metoo accounts from women in india it was horrifying my stomach hurt you couldn't believe the atrocities these women had to suffer then i read the metoo accounts from white women in america [Music] it just don't hit the same i'm not saying white women didn't have to suffer i know there were some terrible stories but there was a lot of you like oh you have no idea how hard it is for us i cannot even walk down the street without men saying hi okay oh that's good oh my god that's so funny that's what you think street harassment looks like oh my goodness do you know what street harassment looks like in india like this [Music] yeah right at a certain point weren't all you guys like dude please talk to me tell me i got a fat ass i don't care just say anything brown got ptsd in the middle i'm on a train again again i am not trying to marginalize what all white women had to go through i read those harvey weinstein accounts that was awful dude these white actresses were like harvey weinstein made me perform oral sex to be in his movie and that's up dude my first thought when i read that is that guy he's a monster i hope he spends the rest of his life in prison and his afterlife in hell that guy yup absolutely absolutely that yo that was my first thought [Applause] my second thought [Applause] is he still casting [Applause] laughs [Applause] [Applause] i'm just saying dude a movie i'm gonna be honest i don't even need a movie i will suck dick for sitcoms for a movie i'll this guy tell my wife about it babe where you going putting on the condom and getting us a condo and again guys i am not trying to downplay the importance of the metoo movement it is easily the most important movement in our lifetimes i would never try to downplay that significance i will say the first few weeks i thought me too was just all of us talking about things we would also do to be in a movie was a little embarrassing on twitter like you were subject to being a vengeance me too i want to send a message to anybody that looks like me you don't deserve anything this idea you walk around with that you will deserve certain things you don't deserve a single thing your parents our parents who came here literally with six dollars didn't get here because they thought anybody owed them dick they came over here because they worked because they were the best of the best that's how they got here then they came here with six bucks in a country where language they didn't understand in a culture they didn't understand and they built from nothing because they knew i don't deserve i get what i earn i eat what i kill how the we lost that so quickly disgusts me and we need to cut that the out you don't deserve go get it go be great like your parents who are hopefully still walking around and looking at you every day that's all i need to say

Channel: Akaash Singh Comedy

Views: 2,767,085

Keywords: Akaash, Singh, Akaash Singh, Stand Up Comedy, Full Special, Comedy Special, stand up, comedy, indian comedy, indian comic, india, Flagrant 2, Flagrant, Andrew Schulz, Andrew, Schulz, Comedian, Apu, Bring Back Apu, The Simpsons, Simpsons, Apu Canceled, Hank Azaria, Hari, Hari Kondabalu, Problem, Problem with Apu, TruTV, Joe Rogan, Rogan, Joe, Big Desi, Akaash Singh Comedy, Andrew Schulz Comedy, Nimesh, Nimesh Patel, Patel, Nimesh Patel Comedian, Russell Peters, russell peters african names

Id: fk3svL0GPWI

Length: 20min 18sec (1218 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 04 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/blane490]

iirc we kept the Schulz Saves America thread up for a month to gain visibility and reviews. Doing the same for Akaash!

[u/Joe434]

A few big laughs from me and enjoyed it a lot. Wish/thought it would be longer. Finished it waiting for my gf to change clothes for dinner

[u/SDas_]

Does 20 minutes even count as a comedy special

[u/Lifelaughquaratine]

I saw this live and it was really funny! Excited to see this come to life

[u/ThatPanFlute]

Loved it

[u/twig1017]

Better than I expected

[u/glorifyi]

That was so fucking funny I love it. I think the 20 mins was a good idea bc it leaves you wanting more for sure.

[u/Pressure930]

It was mid AF. Felt like I’ve heard all of it before. Maybe I listen to too much flagrant 2. And it was short. Akaash still my guy tho

[u/DangleSZN]

Eh nothing really laugh out loud funny