Whiskey Ginger - Tom Segura - #091

what up whiskey ginger fans welcome back to the show if this is your first time joining us welcome to the show subscribe like it do all the good stuff you got to do and share it around to tell your friends about it today's a great episode we got one of my good buddies mr. Tom say gooey yeah say Gouda I don't even know how to say it I think it's a go order but I'm stoked to have him to do it is so much fun to talk to and good to look at ladies that shiny beautiful face it is he's a gorgeous man but I got good news for the fans we got new merch baby Bing Bing Bing Bing like this hat right here is on the website go to Andrew Santino's store calm Andrew Santino store.com to find all the brand new merch t-shirts hats highball whiskey glasses with yours Truly's mug all over it I'm pretty proud of this stuff this is this is the first time that I've been like oh yeah we can roll out all this good new stuff and I think people will like it so go to Andrew Santino store com2 check out the merch go to my website Andrew Santino come if you want to find out everything else you need to know about me including lists of the patreon which I highly recommend because I'm doing one-on-one Cheeto chats more intimate episodes the solo EPS are there so go over there to the patreon in Andrew Santino comm but if you want to pick up some new merch go to Andrew Santino store comm support the Wisc ginge crew please whiskey ginger fans get your lips on some a dis drink up some Buffalo Trace it's the only bourbon with Boston 1773 they've been operating as the oldest running distillery in the United States my friend the oldest continuously operating distillery in America Buffalo Trace is the best I've talked about this sauce before it's my favorite juice man they make so much good stuff and these guys aren't messing around and Kentucky said that it's vital medicine right now so it needs to continue during the pandemic and I couldn't agree more this stuff is good to get inside your body they got some great stuff over that I visited the campus it's incredible they're great people they aged this bourbon for a minimum of eight years which is longer than most Bourbons that you're gonna get in your hands for the quality and the price it's incredible I can't talk enough about it the other guys you know they're competition those are their common names those two guys that start with J their boo boo compared to this stuff man this is the good jazz honestly it's a high quality high level stuff and their other stuff Eagle rare and Blanton's and hat pappy is just as good as this jazz in a different way go get your hands on some of this right now they're not going to slow down there keep pumping it out and they're donating to those in need to our heroes that are on the front lines doing the good thing giving them alcohol so they can wipe their hands now for their stomach that's this stuff but it's distilled Asian bottled by Buffalo Trace distillery 90 proof Franklin County Kentucky Buffalo Trace is an American family owned and fiercely independent go grab some buff trace near you some kicks you match so well - it was you know what it was a coordinated effort today meaning that I knew I was coming on here for the first time yeah waiting for the invite for a while but coming on not true and I was like I threw these on and then my son one of my son's was standing next to me and he was like what shirt you're gonna wear and I was like I don't know man I started pulling shirts out he goes why don't you just pick one you know how [ __ ] stupid you feel like how old is your son now he's four and a half the older one he's like Mike I hate he goes why are you cuz I was like picking out different shirts like how do you pick he goes I just pick one smart and I was like yeah dude all right he knows it he knows exactly how to dress and he said dad you got this you have to fix this up this has to match that to match the kicks and it does though it all matches though well you look good I have I have on this is really embarrassing yeah these are cool Stan Smith's but they've got these these hard ties at the end yeah but sometimes they Clank when I walk and it's embarrassing those look good but I walked into a cafe now I mean this is also by the way matching on its own level this is a man I do matchi stuff but it's because I only have three colors yeah I'm kind of like you people talk about me in the comments always I go where buy new clothes but I can't afford it and people need to know that why I don't have any money to buy new clothes I knew that yeah you know that because you care about me but they you know they just want to like you know belittle me and it's like dude I can't afford it buy new stuff so black and blue and gray is all I can afford once you get into like reds and yellows greens teals all that stuff it's expensive those are thousands of thousand I don't know yeah what they cost when you go I have a few I have a yellow shirt and I have a teal shirt they were at 2,800 bucks each a piece a piece C and that says for the color that's just for the color do you wear them ever I mean on special occasions you know mostly I wear black because it's free yeah black is all well that's why I wear these pants these are free everything black has free clothing wise everybody knows that but one day I'll try I'll get into if I mean you know if something good happens in the biz I'll be able to afford a yellow or blue shirt I'd love to be there that day I'll invite ya know okay I want to introduce my guests I should do that first ladies and gentleman welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth I say that for all my guess but I mean it once again today it is Tom Segura yeah thank you it's not welcome back though I'm welcoming the guests back oh you're welcoming them back I'm welcoming the fans my fans but yeah they're both there they are returning they're returning yeah no new fans will come from this is what I'm saying I never get new fans ever I've had the same 55 listeners since we started the podcast that's [ __ ] that's growing it's big it's big and we're taking over and I got to tell you I don't I don't really want more people to listen to it I think this is we're gonna settle with this so cheers to that yeah bottom clean cuz I we can't yeah the Pandy we can't touch just a little bit of something for them mmm blood not good mmm yeah good I like it that's Hollywood stuff dude you got this from Hollywood I called my guy Mike Hollywood and I said can you get me some blood yeah yeah this is uh this is a 48 year old Puerto Rican man's blood that's good it's really good and it [ __ ] you up if you drink blood yeah punch up enough yeah because it messes with the the levels of your own blood it gets inside of your own blood and you get a little bit more you look a little lucid and I bet if it doesn't match that's probably not good for you but that's probably what makes it feel good right pop it right out you put it right out if it doesn't match oh really yep not a big deal whatsoever you'd be a good doctor thank you - I just need to inform some people for people that don't know Tom Segura is probably one of the most I would famous is a dumb word infamous comic orders of our time a little unknown stuff about you that people don't know is you you actually wrote the original screenplay for Hamilton for the show for the play Hamilton yeah which i think is so annoying that that guy took all the credit for it and took all the royalties and took although you're not getting paid nope that's offensive dude because that's your play so lin-manuel and his his mom and my mom huh we're like friendly and they you know these dudes like [ __ ] [ __ ] together and oh cool so like when you know we got to talking about he likes hip-hop and I was like yeah I do too right so we started kind of going back and forth and then he's like you know you know I think about history and I was like my history dude what do you want to know about so I started I'm the one that gave him the whole background on right you know like on Hamilton dude yeah so he didn't know any of that stuff until you nothing what a thief do you know when that nothing he was like we were founded in 16 was like 16 he didn't know didn't know the year you know yeah you know what dude but in that and when I saw the goatee I thought that's that's it's a giveaway that's a giveaway yeah Tom probably said why don't you shave into a goatee cuz hey you should have a beard yeah well the goatee because what happens when you have a goatee your lips look like an [ __ ] look it looks like he's so right I was like I know you're an [ __ ] yeah so you know what you put a goatee on your face go to your guy that's smart it's a smart well you do so many other great wonderful things you have a podcast that I loved coming on that's a my should let me redo that you have a you have a podcast that I enjoyed being a part of and it's called where my mom's at and that's that's unbelievably it's an unbelievably funny podcast and I can listen to it all day thank you it's really good it is really good and it's uh it's Cristina's that's her that's her mom podcast oh my mom's at know Cristina's is the your mom's house no the other way no Christina's podcast is your mom's house and was also hers because she correct also they're both well I mean yeah but that makes sense yeah yeah those are both hers speaking of which dude speaking of hip-hop really annoyed at something that happened not too long ago was it that you wore a Gangstar shirt from our mutual friend DJ premier and he tweeted about it or grammed about it yeah and you know I were three Gang Starr hats and I you know that he sent to me and I got no love and it really like kind of hurt my feelings in it the [ __ ] like the post is obviously flattering but isn't it crazy to have a relationship with him I was in my bed I'm he's texting me one morning and I said to my the old bag my wife I said to her this is the crazy [ __ ] on earth I'm texting my literal musical like hero as a kid yeah and she was I who is it it is DJ Premier gang star she's like oh yeah I like gangster yeah you play me any star and I was like isn't this insane she's like yeah that's cool but I she it's like she didn't it didn't register I'm like oh baby this is if Whitney Houston texted you right that's what that that's what this is I got okay so I've always been a huge huge fan and I know a few hip-hop people he is like the absolute top of the food chain to me and I think yeah I would never you know I've on social media of like stuff maybe of commented once or twice yeah but you know it was from a disc I never like was like trying to get in there you know I mean I was like that feels like a a weird it's weird to fish for a hip hop fry yeah like you know whatever happens happens right dude so I wore a shirt that I did I bought from his store right on something and he he posted in his stories and then he sent me a message and I was like wait a minute and I had to keep looking at the name to like I was like what the check mark I was like no yeah and then I went back to it and I went back to the message and then he was like like the special is great and I love the pockets I was like what so I responded and we started going back and forth and I immediately started to do screen grabs and I had my two college roommates who we all listened to the same music together I was like you're definitely going to [ __ ] your pants on this one because sometimes they've seen me like you know on a show or in a movie or something or some comment and they'll go like and that crazy that you I go you guys are gonna die ya gonna die and they're like what I go you have just I am chatting with like our I said you know ya hero and they're like what who and I said primo and they're and they just sent like blown brain and was like yeah and they were like no and I and so then I sent them and they're like what the [ __ ] is happening Mike one of my friends was like if you are gonna go like hang out well he DJ's can I please be like just be near ya he's like he's like I'll do whatever I'll sweep the floor and I was like I'm just yeah and then we started him him being such a fan of comedy it's crazy it is wild because well the more I meet hip-hop artists as years go on of guys that I'd have loved ya forever the more you realize that they love comedy so much and somebody a fan once asked me what do they think the connection is and I really couldn't put my finger on it I was like I don't know why a lot of hip-hop artists like love stand-up comedy I don't know if it's I don't know it's much different than other musicians but for some reason so many hip-hop artists I know through the grapevine er that have been like oh dude huge like huge fans of the comedy region of mic I wonder why that is versus you know like at the store sometimes we would get like famous musicians would come through you know a couple of bands that are big into a comedy world but it's it's more rare you know like Rory Scovel and all those guys they know oh yeah yeah Jack White yeah they know jack white and and that whole crew they kind of it like they're into it and I know that like tool apparently the guys that you know they follow tool do you know about this yeah the road they followed Rory did that too yeah and then they figured out I guess that like tool knew who they were and was fans of comedy I was like I think there's like there's this crossover of musicians that always has existed but a lot of times we won't like they won't admit it we can always admit that we're huge fans right but a musician for some reason because we're clowns like they don't really want to admit that they go to the circus and also I think some people will go they'll just they'll think of if they if somebody says I'm a Santino fan they'll go so you like this perspective on something in the end the the person who says there are fans is like the guy makes me laugh I don't yeah it's just joining break down everything he says you know in 98 one time he he did it yeah well what's even funnier sometimes when someone will claim you said something that you didn't say yeah you know that they're like now but you know he when he did that joke about this thing you know like I someone say that to me they go yeah time to this joke I was about to sing and then I'll tell them who really said it I'll go that wasn't Tom yeah that was some other idiot yeah yeah I still don't like Tom for that yeah it's like you'll get this you'll get it even though someone did he opposite of that is when somebody goes dude I love your bit about the rock I'm like I don't have a bit about your like they're like yeah you do they're like it's hilarious and they're and I could tell how happy they are the like that's a funniest [ __ ] you're like yeah now it's pretty good at some point you just accept it you gotta show it's all my friends and I'm like thanks man well you know it is my bit yeah I had a I had a bit one time that this was the best way I've ever heard somebody handled one of these like oh we have a joke in common mm-hmm I had a bit that was kind of similar to fits as fits fits Greg Fitzsimmons fits dog had a bit and he was working out this new bit at The Improv or something and I walked up to him afterwards and I was like hey man I just want to tell you we kind of have this like weirdly there's one link that's pretty similar in this bit and that's how a friend handles it you know you just yes so when you go ahead we do this weird there's something I just want to let you know it's not the same but it uh and literally fits goes oh really I go yeah and he goes oh man who does it better and I was like oh you do and he goes okay that's that that's all I want to know because as long as I do it better then I don't I don't yeah and it was unfortunately his take was better so it was it was annoying because he was right like he had never seen mine he was joking around but it my ego check set off when I was like yeah his version is funnier that is yeah that's a very real moment though whose is better you go oh wait a minute is better like have you ever had a joke that someone else has done that you never talked about did you ever like you that you never approached them on where you're like it's close but I tried to like I've tried to go if I'm I remember being at The Improv on Melrose and seeing somebody you know they just like they had like a similar they had a premise that I'd already done and recorded in everything oh you put it out and so I was like I was like do I say something and I was like hey just so you know I have a bit that like tackles the same topic immediately people get defensive they're like I'll stop do I go no you don't stop doing anything right I'm just letting you know just in case it's out there and another time I told somebody that kind of thing where I go I'm doing a bit like this and then they were like okay should I should I stop I go look they're different jokes yeah I'm just letting you know I'm letting you know because you know I'm here tonight that when you see me do it it wasn't from tonight me going like well that's a great like you have to like let him know well yeah man I'm already doing this bit yeah you know I've done that I mean my favorite I've told this story before but like I bet I did a bit over ten years ago on an album and it came out and then Mulaney did like a the same topic and he's like you know the perfect comedian so yes there was like he's every all his bits are great so people started to hit me up this is like a while ago like oh cool Mulaney bit you did what was it by the way it was a [ __ ] and word comparison I have to say I'm doing that bit right now do it run with it it's brand new so I did it did you say the N word yeah I say it over and over and over let's say like 45 my bid is I don't say the M will M word cuz the M word is offensive to me which is me I say little person I think the M word is disgusting but the N word I'll say a thousand times yeah yeah I say that a bunch and then I say but little LP how say yeah yeah yeah but he did it he did a bit like that and well he did we did the the similarity is that the the comparison the premise is the same sure bearing the two gravity of the words we both probably like I don't know man like 29 or something right like at the time and whatever it comes out on an album I do it on a half-hour special he does his I think on a album and special they're not the same joke but they are the same you set up set up right and I like you know we weren't living on the same coasts even but the funny thing was people I would get messages like you stole this from him so I had never seen his so I look it up and it's great of course I'm sure it's good it's great but then I was like well when did his come out and his came out after so it was like such a joy oh I know you write back to people so normally I was like 2004 I was like put it in there just was like had you ever check these release dates out and then one guy wrote back oh oh yeah [ __ ] but like of course I never thought like I knew he didn't take it for me it's like that that premise for a joke could be thought of by anyone that guys just like your execution of it right how you follow through he did something in the stories by the way is so much more refined and thought particular Minds more crude right stupid his his is like a French bistro yeah you're like a a mess hall you're like there's food on the floor yeah it's disgusting it's disgusting yeah yeah no I I he did a joke one time that that air was working it out and I think he ended up putting it on something but he came he was at the store and it made me so [ __ ] mad because I literally had written that thing down yeah a week before I'm not kidding we watch we watch Family Feud religiously at my house we love it it's my favorite thing to keep on castie Harvey is the funniest backhanded compliment passive aggressive yeah they're like so mean like so quietly mean like one time a woman goes on the question was or the category was favorite country to vacation to and a woman goes we're gonna go with Africa Steve and he looks at the kid he likes lo pans to the camera and he just stares from I mean no no [ __ ] like 20 seconds of TV time and they let it sit and he goes your favorite country - vacation - is Africa and even their like starting to sink it yeah and he goes don't show me Africa it's like man and he just turns back to the camera and it's like so mean for a TV host to be mean to their yeah so the guest people who are thrilled to be they're so excited trying I love this student so I said one night we're watching it and he's being he's like berating these people and I go it's it's like why does family for you to always have a war between a black family and a white family yeah it's it's this weird race which oh it can't be two black families can't be two white families it's always black so I wrote down something along those lines of like if you want to know the status of race relations in America just watch Family Feud because it's black versus white and feel how different their answers are yeah we're there and he I see him at the store and he says something to the effect John Doe yeah and he says something affect a week or so later he's in town and he goes nothing in life is black and white nothing of course unless you are contestants on the family feud and he goes into this whole bit and I was like [ __ ] me I don't know if he ever ended up doing it on something well he's like I saw him at Melrose another time doing like stuff that he's cool it was clearly in its infancy right and it was it was better than everybody's set everyone's well formed yeah you your bit like yeah every time I was like so it was either such an interesting thought such a funny take such an original spin I was like and then I walked out of there and I was like dude that was great and I go I loved and I couldn't like sight it I was like it was all good every piece of it was very you're very talented yeah I want to dive back into this real fast honestly because now I'm interested are you an old-school like underground hip hop fan when you were did you like backpack hip hop or no that wasn't your [ __ ] I mean like you know I some underground stuff like the thing you know I'm 41 so when I was a when I was eight and nine and first buying like tapes and stuff yeah same there was a rap section in music stores there was ten groups yeah so I just owned all yeah you had that yeah that was just like I just had I had Public Enemy EPMD Eric being rock him Queen Latifah Big Daddy Kane The Fat Boys Run DMC like that's how I started right and then it just kind of expanded from there you know so right but did you ever have like did you ever get into like um in the late 90s a maybe the mid to late 90s is when like backpack rap kind of took off quote-unquote backpack hip-hop like a lot of assumption growing up in Chicago for me it was like the Midwest rap scene of guys like atmosphere and the Rhymesayers guy and rhyme stairs crew and brother ollie and mediocre and Aesop Aesop Rock prior to ASAP Rocky which is so funny that ASAP Rocky became this super famous when I was a kid Aesop Rock was an underground hip hop artist who I was obsessed I was obsessed with who painted pictures verbally similar to the way that like Ghostface does like in this very like weird theme Attica Lee off but like its I still know examine it really yeah it's really strange it's beautiful the way you did it but all those guys I really got into heavily I mean I've talked about before but I spent every last time at this old record store at asu's campus called hoodlums I every dime I made from work I would go buy [ __ ] from hoodlums music of any kind until the guys finally respected me you know when you go to like earn a respect of something like that and the guys are like he's in here all time he knows kinda what he's talking about pull to him and then they would finally give me early drops or they would tell me about guys like mr. LIF or all this stuff and then I got I got obsessive I got to a point when it was like honestly for a poor kid like I had no money and when I was in school it was a bad habit I was spending like $500 a week on what music are going to shows oh dude it was obsessive well it was almost unfortunate how much money I was spending on if I was talking to a girl I think you've got to come to a show with me you know like we'd have to go to a show because if she didn't like him pop I was like this girl's [ __ ] trash like I immediately was like you don't like hip-hop you [ __ ] you're you don't you don't know music yeah it like overtook my life so I I'm just didn't know if you had any of those like underground hip-hop guys that you really got sunk into and a lot of those guys by the way are still around yeah some of them do die I made a thing as a joke when I when I tried to [ __ ] with Burt mm-hmm I [ __ ] with him all the time but he's your handicapped friend yeah yeah yeah I've seen I'd do a thing without help him out put him on a show like his whole career no like he he's special you know needs right right and so he's like you know we work with me like a volunteer thing I will bring him in I write a podcast but like it's basically like helping him you know yeah yeah no no I've seen and a lot of people on the internet often say there's a quote if you don't have you've seen Evan or if you read comments but it's always said they call it cool charity I didn't know what that was and it's I guess there's a thing called cool charity it's a it's a charity called cool charity and it's money to keep funding you helping Burt because they're afraid that at some point you'll get over it and get sick of it yeah I think it's I imagine you probably feel a certain way about Bobby yeah I know Bobby to me is Bobby isn't my Burt to you though because to you and Burt like you there's love in your heart for him absolutely and with Bobby it's more like like I literally I hate him as a human yeah as a comedian and I'm doing it because it's a debt that I owe and I and I oh I have a 185 thousand our outstanding debt at Caesars in Vegas yeah I just got to recoup some of that money back so this is a thing I just need to do also the state gives me 45 bucks a month to watch over him I have to check out on him twice a day but it's like gas money right yeah yeah but honestly it's just troubling because when you have to you have to wake him up you have to put him to bed you have to clean him and cleaning him as the hardest do you have to clean Bert no so you have to clean Bob and washing him is tough because he squirty squeamish you know hub yeah what they freak out what he hates water tubby yes and and when he gets in there he panics and he doesn't like shampoo time and when we dry him off it's tough so it's a challenge but you know I'm willing to do it yeah I'm willing to do it because I'm an I'm a nice guy and I do I do care about you know not him but like maybe other people other people yeah around him or repay my debts and anything any semblance you know I like that are you done having kids yeah this is it forever did you get I'm going to you are yeah I'm going to are you not scared like a month I had my appointment yesterday for the concert guess what huh I have a horny oh you're so horny you have a hernia yep when you're a hornball you just get horny hernias yes they go it's a horny ax and I go what's that like it's a hernia from being horny mm-hm so you're such like a sexual dynamo yeah that your body just pushes out stress they're gonna to do her knee they're gonna fix my hernia and give me a vasectomy at the same time would you the hernia from so I'm on like nine week I just jumped into a powerlifting why are you doing that because I was just [ __ ] I wanted something like different and we crossed the threshold of one that's not okay anymore I mean I know I just was like bored and I'm doing 35 is the number when you're like I can't be doing pal I think that I [ __ ] did it in the last nine weeks because I'm in week 9 of this program and I went from doing like functional fitness with a trainer yeah to dead lifting three days a week squatting doing overhead are you guys doing it yeah I like it you do I like it and the sad thing is that like I've made in nine weeks I've made pretty crazy progress yeah and I will lose all of it when I do the surgery and also yesterday after I got my like they they're like you have a hernia I was like I told the doctor you never felt that I didn't feel it he was like it's small but he's like it's gonna get worse like you have to fix it I'm like whoa I tell him obviously I'm doing this program yeah can I keep lifting he was like yeah he's like you can keep lifting I go with hernia that's what I'm saying I'm like but wouldn't it get worse she's like yeah and I go so should I keep lifting he's like I don't know I'm a doctor dude I'm not your friend yeah I go well but I mean I go I'm not you know I'm not saying I'm not at strongman category but I'm lifting heavy weight you're doing reps with 300 pounds on dead like I'm doing reps with it that's heavy as [ __ ] it's pretty heavy yeah but I go and I go and I I'm saying it feels heavy to me it's not about like like to me some guy a little bit it's [ __ ] don't of course so I'm like the strain is it I go it's full body strike an feel my body being like holy [ __ ] every time I complete a set of this right and I go and now it's gonna be in my head that my organs are popping through a cavity he's like yeah she's gonna have to see what happened I'm like I love I love by the way this is a literally a few days ago I went in to go to the orthopedist to go see about my leg I've torn ligaments in this leg playing basketball mm-hmm and I reinjure day I have a like a like a the the tendon has spiraled so now it it's bruised so for two weeks I was out of unit 36 go ahead no no just just I'm just saying like you know be like it's gonna be worse it's gonna get well it all happened I know dude and so I go in but I love the the nonchalant nough snowing on in the world that they kind of don't give a [ __ ] as much as they used to about like like that like he was like dude lift if you want to lift them but if I could say that they're done being the guy that goes you don't remember when the phrase used to come out when they would go they said I'd never walk again I think doctors are done calling their shot they don't want a Babe Ruth sometimes because they don't wanna be embarrassed like and I walked again dr. ziering so what like dude they don't want to be that anymore because this this dis doctor she goes she was we need to take x-rays so she takes x-rays and I said well I didn't break it before I tore the ligaments so bad that they thought it was broken because of the bruising was insane and she takes us ray she's like yeah you didn't break anything and there's no irregular tendon placement so you didn't really tear much but it's just like anna twist and the bruising right so then I said well I'm in this like I'm in this golf tournament and I like really want to play like a sad are you gonna tell me I'm not so sure that play and she goes oh no you I mean when is it knows like this tomorrow it was literally the following day yeah and she's like no yeah I just I mean good you can play just are you gonna wrap it she she was like are you gonna wrap it I'm like should I she goes yeah cuz I want off [ __ ] off [ __ ] okay are you just like leaving it up to me and she goes yeah I mean look you you can you play golf alone yeah lot a lot a lot dude a lot I know I've talked about out in here I'm joining a club join a club I know I'm alone yeah I'm a little embarrassed about it because I never came from country club lifestyle lives although I love it so fine here's the thing if you get me out there I would become the junkie yeah see ya I played golf when I was end of high school going into college my parents at the time lived on a golf course oh you grew up on a golf course well no they moved there like ah as I was going to college you grew up on a frisbee golf course when you were young that's right right and then I went to to visit them and I had the summer free I was working but I was had a lot of time and then they live on the course so I can just walk on and I started to play and I got here's what I got to I got to the point where I could join you for around the golf and not feel humiliated oh dude let's go you know well no that's then oh yes sorry yes when then I played a little more then it was one of those things where like the next time I played golf was like a year later and I would just slice everything and yeah when you take time off it's it's it's really [ __ ] up well dude it's funny as I've gotten older I've I've had people go oh I didn't really I didn't even know you played golf like some people that know me well or like I don't but cuz I go by myself a lot or I go with comics I know that golf people who go a lot of us I mean first of all Scovel to bring him up again Rory Jay Larson Chris Porter Brad Williams Jimmy Schubert I played KP Anderson do you know KP yeah yeah my god dude it's like it's literally it's an endless list of guys good um who's really good in court McCown is the best oh yeah I knew that because he was a cat he can I knew that bro court by far is the best he legit he's a scratch golfer he's [ __ ] phenomenal Wow yeah he beats the [ __ ] out of everybody we play when we play and people talk big game then we put up money we play money games and it's never big because I don't feel like losing money to a guy that's that good yeah I'll lose money to a friend that's my level but uh he beats the [ __ ] out of us like he's he is so good it's like annoying but I'm better than him at comedy so that feels good noe and then Rob Rob Riggle is a good golfer he is yeah Rob's a good golfer huh I'm trying think of some sneaky guys that are actually good that like don't really like golf is always this kind of like Bert's kind of sneaky is he good you know what we did is we went to top golf in Atlanta yes and it was the three was he and me and and re and I thought we were gonna go for like 35 minutes like it was one of those things where I was like you want to have lunch yeah yeah do we stay there like six and a half hour oh I've been there it's a topical I've spent two three hours at top golf so it's so fun but and I'm what I'm saying is that like you know obviously it's not the same as playing golf but you could tell after a while who has a nice stroke yeah but like and especially because those places they have you they have the variations in game yes so it's like alright this time we're trying to do this everything we were trying to do I mean you know you'd have [ __ ] up shots but then like he was consistently hitting so he's a sneaky ass yeah he's like um but then he did you see his post the other day where he raced that dude he raised the Busra I know I saw that and I was like he called me before he posted he's like I lost you know footrace to Ron oh you've lost the [ __ ] Ron yeah he was like yeah I go how and they put shows like they both have they're like drinking bellies and like it's by the way but also he runs up right up straight up I noticed that his Scott his neck is at the sky I was like dude bend down and go forward that Ron did beat him it was very close it was very close very close but it was it felt so good that Ron one I know dude when I started watching the video that's so funny I started watching it and I was like I don't want him to win this and of course because he was a journalist I loved that he left in the stuff before he's like I'm gonna kill him Michael yeah no yeah and then he's like why are you ran today which is the first things when somebody's like whenever that dude competition thing happens between men whenever we do that thing where they're like you can't hit that shot and it's like okay well I worked out earlier so of course I'm tired like you're the excuses flow he is Bert's of sneaky athlete the way that I used to feel about Paul Pierce like Paul Pierce has that body where you're like these guys he looks like I dude I know like bigger and kind of slovenly yeah but he's unbelievably athletic Burt would not surprise me on the golf course I bet you he's very good there's guys that I play with yeah I'm not gonna mention names that have [ __ ] dumpee awful bodies I mean dude completely out of shape and actually unathletic as [ __ ] they couldn't throw a baseball they couldn't roll football but out there they're phenomenal yeah it's something about he can dial it in forgot like golf like he talks a lot of [ __ ] for everything and you're like you can't do any of these but in golf if you were to be like this matters you need to play well he would be would be yeah he's got that thing he has that like he's got that forever focus where you're like well I'll just commit everything I have to something one of my favorite stories is a when I was getting to know him we went to Hawaii this is like 2008 and so I didn't really you know we're hanging out there doing this show together and I was like how would you play a like him he would say I could did you play football in high school and he was like I was supposed to be like the next great player there but I got injured I was like who Dwight what is most of me what do you mean he was like no I was like I was really good baseball and I was like uh-huh and then like I was supposed to be like they were expecting me to be like the next like all-state player and I was like why would they expect that oh yeah he's like because I was just like so good other things but then like I hurt my shoulder and I was like this guy that's why they thought you were expectations that you'll be an amazing athlete this guy in layup drills in gym class no no he's gonna be an all-state football but there's no doubt about it did you go to school with pro athletes ever I played against one I had a moment I had Heath Evans on my podcast oh you were to high school with him I went to high school a rival high school okay and you know was amazing I was thinking about this yesterday I still can't cuz I it would amaze me watching the last dance you know with Jordan I was like how does he remember like he was like then 1985 the third game of the season I went to for this layup I'm like you remember that you played like 3,000 games and like so with Heath you know my football career ends as a senior in high school so I go well my memories of those will be more clear to me yeah he went to Auburn and then he played 10 seasons in the NFL and I had a Manos I don't know if you remember but our sophomore year he's like yeah we beat you guys or you guys beat us but I had 156 yards right I was like wait a minute what like redialed that [ __ ] end dude he remembered it exact that that to me this is a great point dude that is the definitive difference that I've noticed between people that are pro athletes yeah and just guys that played up to a certain level because I know guys that played sports in college they don't remember much they remember a good amount yeah but pros for some reason they'll name you the [ __ ] second game of high school they'll go yeah I made made varsity when I was a freshman and I dropped six and I got benched because I was close to falling out and you're like how could you [ __ ] it dude he remember like so he went to a garbage football team where he was a place called Kings Academy in Palm Beach Florida trash and well they were just a horrible football team right but they had him right but like so we beat them every year yeah but he like you would you would we all knew his name in high school you know what it is when you know an opposing players never knew yeah you're like like there's a DH like in high school and and he was like I told him I was like I remember that hit hitting him cuz like his line was terrible he was a running back yeah hitting him in the backfield felt like somebody had a like a vault door and they just threw it in your face you're like oh my god like it didn't feel like hitting anybody else that I ever hit and I was like dude I remember the feeling of hitting you that it was like Jesus likes that guy is a [ __ ] blur mate I think I think like whether or not you believe whatever you believe in God in the universe like I just you just know if you've ever faced a pro athlete at any point in your sporting career you just can tell that they're made different they're made different just they're like we are different than you and you know right away you're like oh they're resiliency the strength like there's little things where you go holy [ __ ] you're this is supposed to happen yeah if this isn't I worked really hard I mean they do but it's also like this is I built it this is a thing that happened and I just happen to be my high school had I mean in the in the four years I was there I think we had like eight pro athletes really and one Olympian yeah well in Chicago district of western suburbs of Chicago yeah I went to high school in the western suburbs it was crazy my schools were huge we were like 4200 people babies and there were sister schools so they both had the same size class but it was like two two brothers that both played in the NFL while all of those four NFL players but two of them that were brothers which was insane and then in the sister school Candace Parker who's like one of the best players of all time yeah and she did she dunked in high school I remember when people said joke about it was I remember footage of her dunking was on ESPN it was dude when she dunked in high school it wasn't even a surprise because people who knew about it yeah so when it got national news that she was this phenom people are like yeah we know her brother Anthony Parker wasn't pro NBA player but no one talked about her because it was like oh it's his sister Candace and then by the time she [ __ ] sprouted in high school not only people knew she was people know she was gonna be a pro athlete they were like watch what she does dude she used to beat the [ __ ] out of the boys team beat I mean like really [ __ ] out of the boys team and they had good ball players too she was just like I don't live rent but nobody would watch it for the first time you go holy [ __ ] remember before we transfer I moved to Florida from Milwaukee and I went to a big public high school in Milwaukee where Milwaukee where did you live in Mequon really yeah I didn't know you ever lived in Wisconsin yeah you that's why I like I like you and I hate you yeah and I can no that's why I know what Florida I like you it doesn't bother me yeah Wisconsin I know why I hate you yep Mac why Mequon man what the Homestead High School there you did how long were you there what I went there for seventh grade eighth grade and then the first semester of ninth grade and so when I remember that when we when I left middle school by the way I'm so annoyed at these [ __ ] they're like class of 2020 and it goes middle school and you're like you're really gonna post that not a real thing my kid finished eighth grade not a real thing so anyway I we transferred to or you move from middle school the high school high school at the time my school was pretty big it was like between 2,500 and 3,000 kids right it's pretty big that's big that's pretty big high school yeah and you know you you start like I was playing a lot a lot of basketball and I was a I was like a lean pretty tall 8th grader yeah playing basketball pickup games everyday front yard every day I remember one day we went to the gym at Homestead and there was a pickup game going on and this guy there was two guys one guy named a Fuma oh [ __ ] I'll betcha yeah yeah and I know I know how he had [ __ ] off with athletics he had a big gut ah and like gave up he kind of gave up and he's playing this game shirtless with his gut like bouncing and he did a 360 dunk [ __ ] we were like oh my god and then another kid whose name I don't remember he went on a fast break and I found out he was a junior in high school and on the fast break he cupped the ball here and did a fool and we were like oh my and we were like is this what high schools like yeah because like this will be domalis oh and that's when you start going when you go I don't [ __ ] tennis is cool yeah that's when the golf for me yeah you're like high schools when I really don't know but golf yes I was like I don't think I don't think I can play basketball for me like the basketball thing is more demoralizing like in football you know yeah it's like we had a when in football I had the hundred meter track champion on my team so like you're just like you see him you're like I'm never gonna catch him yeah he's also on my team yeah that's just and you just watched when you're like holy [ __ ] but then like with like with power like with Heath and like there's other like odd play to get some all-american linemen I don't know you just kind of go like yeah I got I got owned this play but the next play maybe you get one on and we're sure and there's something that for some reason in basketball if you're playing with people who are like way on another level yeah it's embarrassing it's so embarrassed it's so demoralizing to have somebody just like shove you and then dunk and then their dicks in your it dude Baron Davis and I did a show together we became buddies and I went and played with em one time just for fun yeah it's not fun it's not fun it's not [ __ ] fun even if you're like I'll just stand at the key I'll just jack up a3 when somebody gives me the ball cuz they feel bad cuz you know Orange whitey is open yeah and even then it's not fun because you missed by a mile and they make fun of you yep and then the opposing team makes money and that your team goes what a [ __ ] you shooting that [ __ ] yeah like okay I'm gonna sit down yeah I just don't wanna it's like you realize how how much better you need to be to continue to play those kind of sports in life so bring it back around that's why I love golf golf golf's great don't need to [ __ ] do thing I just can be good at myself saying you know it's a gentleman sport yeah and like even if you you love it for the cuz I know it's a dick like I haven't played in a long time now it's addictive and you're outside and beautiful but you can meet like so many incredible people it's not it that's my favorite part by the way a lot of that's the thing about clubs which is kind of nice is like a lot of old athletes that live in LA they have join clubs yeah so you get to meet guys and you know I'm at no liberty to say but like when you you're like oh it's just so yeah yeah it's cooking to see old athletes because this is another thing no one knows about old athletes I don't care what color you are if you played pro sports when you're done you play golf yeah every single one of them like it used to be this white sport not anymore dude one of these cool old Hollywood dudes play golf yes you know yeah they all do yeah yeah it's pretty cool ah Pesci Pesci's hello in play so I'm just like it was like what cool what what a cool interesting world to like it makes you level at some degree of like yeah you're you're here because of your acumen of our business but when we go play golf if I can beat you there yeah it's in credit fee 'ls [ __ ] awesome but yeah when you're like dude I'm better than you at this little thing this thing you're better than me at all the other stuff yeah but ya know I I I got into it years and years ago and I've kind of you know I've always played it but now I'm getting more into it because are you playing more in quarantine like a more yeah wait gotten better I have but also it's been tough because la opened way after a lot of other like Ventura County always they opened up and then la was like can you shut up and play alone where you play or no but you have to get into a um like well I'm not a member yet so I just can't go yeah but at a public course I go I play alone all the time and that's not a big deal nope my wife makes fun of me I like it I used to play the high a little of it I just will go out you know if it's early enough if I want to knock it out in the morning I'll go they may pair me up with one guy I played with when I'd played that summer goddammit this famous author dude I got it I I could look at reycarts while there you go uh Stephen King there's how many books everybody I'm gonna text right now yeah see if I get answer while we're doing yeah that's good in here we poor gentlemen listen up I know you want to smell good I know you want to look good and feel good there's a brand new company that's offering a solution to all of your problems in this area they're called Hawthorne Hawthorne is incredible stuff you get online you take a two-minute quiz it takes no time at 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like crap anymore go to Hawthorne calm that's Hawthorne with an E and use the promo code whiskey to get 10% off your first purchase that's Hawthorne H a wth o R and E calm use the promo code whiskey get 10% off and smell better back to the episode [Music] wait let me let me transition to something else we used to I used to talk about this on the show all the time and now I don't anymore do you remember your first time that you got drunk because I know you have a relative memory of that yeah of when you first got [ __ ] up yeah what is it can you tell me yeah yeah and Thomas texting his agent right now and I can see it reflecting off of his eyes and it says get me out of her and he spelled here wrong what an idiot its he spelled the HEA our what in the idiot I hope nobody calls in a moment has it makes me leave first time I got drunk drunk the first time I got absolutely shit-faced I was 14 I mean like really [ __ ] up 14 yeah we do an age we used to do an age scale thing on the show of like who did who got drunk the youngest and I think 14 might because I'm I'm 14 just about to turn 15 he was my almost 15 day you're 14 SUV that's young I was pretty young and I was in cuzco peru cusco peru yeah and i was with my cousin my American cousin Brian and my Peruvian cousin one lease wait a minute one release wasn't the American cousin no [Laughter] police and this Indian guy Brian so I got absolutely I mean they would have they probably should have put me in the hospital have you tasted booze before that I tasted booze that I had a couple drinks before but I'd never gone full-bore full-bore yeah I was having pisco which is like the Nash it's kind of the National liquor Pisco Pisco pis CEO is it clear liquor or dark Lear okay and there's like I guess it's considered a I think it's considered a rice liquor you know how they make liquors of different yeah yeah sure sure I'm trying to just well you know Mike like like rice wines or like like sorry colorless or yellow colorless or yellowish - amber colored brandy produced in winemaking regions of Peru and Chile made by distilling fermented grape juice yeah sorry so I'm just letting you know what it is but it's no but I like that I'd like to know I used to so I had sampled they have a drink it's very famous train called pisco sour pisco sour yeah and it's like the national and everybody has it I mean it's it's a staple of this it tastes good yeah it's great oh it does oh it's delicious so we start drinking them and at my older cousin who lives down there is probably man like at least 10 years older than me so he's probably 25 26 at the time he's got a Schappert making sure we're all like we're big boys but he's you know yeah he's the adult I don't remember so much when things turn but I remember that I just stopped speaking English it's only Spanish and my American cousin was like you were berating me for my my poor Spanish but you did it in Spanish then I had a jacket on it gets cold it's up in the mountains sure and I lost it at a bar and then I just cried about my jacket and and they had to like care I mean I threw up on the streets and then to carry me back to the hotel and I was bawling about my jacket yeah you missed that [ __ ] Jay I missed that jacket and then I would just turn to my cousin and I was like Gary you only speak English by the way belligerent I bet you woke up the next morning and you felt fine yeah those days are so [ __ ] far gone they're gone I miss them like I miss the idea of just those two salespeople [ __ ] me up for a week really no no some people are like I have one drink and I'm not feeling well if I have booze like I can have a couple beers fine uh more than three it's like a problem yeah I don't have beers anymore because of that wine is like the only thing I feel like I don't really think about it afterwards yeah but if I have like two Bourbons I'm no it's not that I'm [ __ ] up it's that the next day I'm like oh man like I don't feel great your energies but yeah I don't feel good there's something about it that like that that but because wine is typically accompanied with meal right yeah so you're gonna have food with it we're Bourbons I've sat at home on his stomach where I haven't eaten my dinner and just had a couple of sips had a couple of sips had a couple of sips and then the old bag is like let's go do something and then we go do something somewhere and then it turns into like I've had a night of bourbon and the next day is ruined I never used to be that guy where I was like it ruined today now if I have too many I officially ruin a day which didn't exist back in the day it ruins a day yeah ruins the day the day is beat I hate that yeah I know I can't do it anymore I don't know like the body cuz oh yeah we were talking about you know things start like right before I started that powerlifting plan yeah I was doing I was getting zoomed trained at home yeah and the guy was having me do a interval thing where it was like interval training is great yeah but so one of the one of the like sequences was it was a barbell with light weight on it but it was supposed to you were supposed to like clean and just press it overhead right but like rapid-fire like go go go go go for 40 seconds he's like keep going keep going keep going I remembered that I had one of them up and I think I got lazy with it I just kind of dropped my shoulder I was like oh that feels like it has not felt the same since it's been a few months now up tight up here somewhere in my shoulder shoulder and like I there's certain positions where I can feel it in like clicking and I'm like something's wrong ah so I told my doctor I was like like I don't know what it is and I've continued to work out but there's def it's definitely something's wrong with my left shoulder right and he was like just uh go to this guy I'll give you a shot and I was like but mmm are we gonna find out what's wrong with it he's the guy he's like just get the shot go so should I keep working out and of course he's like yeah yeah I he's like dude I'm gonna die yeah yeah work out I don't know I don't care I don't get the shot you do I don't care what you eat yeah just get the shot shut up have you ever had that where a doctor says something that you know is bad advice but like we had a friend who's a doctor who goes somebody ordered a turkey burger we were out to lunch I'll never forget and he goes out turkey burger he's a doctor yeah any go turkey burger and the guy that we're with is like there's a bachelor party and he goes he goes yeah man honest no I don't [ __ ] feel like red meat today and he was like annoyed that he you know cuz I called him out yeah and he was like oh dude just get the burger like what the do you like the taste more of a turkey burger he goes no dude I'm just trying to be little more health-conscious he goes as a doctor not your doctor but as a doctor I'm telling you the difference is minimal over the course of time over the course of life caloric like fat content he's like describing all this stuff and he's like it just it just doesn't matter and I was like yeah like it just kind of had this like it was just a check like he said cuz you're gonna have fries and we're gonna have 40 beers yeah so the [ __ ] 19 grams of fat you saved yeah we'll make up for somewhere else just eat the [ __ ] beer I'm your friend yeah and my wife is that doctor that's my life life is like I made a good decision today she's like just if I can just I know croissants make you happy just eat a [ __ ] I know but she and she's right by the way I know that's the thing is that like I'll go like today I box this morning and what time do you box early 10:00 I can't I can't work out before I I don't like it but I can't do I wouldn't do the lifting thing then I can do the it's cuz it's more like a cardio workout yeah that that to me I don't like to do it I don't like that 8 a.m. [ __ ] fine I can do I can do 10 11 but anyways I do it and you know whatever I probably burned like 600 calories a lot yeah yeah it's you know you're just pouring sweat and I come inside and then my wife's like I'm gonna try these cookies and I'm like like I you see me yeah that's okay wish she's like she's always like what is it gonna kill you yeah I'm like I know but like case you just imply now she's right yeah she's right like my dad just did this to me my my old man goes this is my favorite this is how my dad thinks now like my dad's been retired this is like everything to my dad he'll find something that prove dads do this in general they find something that proves what they already wanted to believe yeah like he goes he goes I read this article and thought Golf Digest uh you know Tiger after all this working out and all these injuries he says that he almost wishes he never worked out because now he's in so much pain it's like did it really help who knows I'm like dad that's insane rhetoric like first of all what he's saying is he was she didn't worked out that hard as hard as he did yeah my dad's like I don't know sounds like he wish he never worked up as my dad trying to mail in the work out and my mom was like no because now these retired he won't do he's doing a lot less I mean he's he's come back a little bit but for a while the moment my dad retired he was like [ __ ] everybody it's like gimme a drink give me a bratwurst I'm gonna watch TV he just didn't want it he's loving it yeah he was loving it do it finally he deserved it he worked his whole [ __ ] life and he got [ __ ] over he got fired from a company he worked for for three decades don't ever use Turtle Wax carwash I've said that once I'll say it again I've used them don't ever use it again use McGuire's use anybody else use anybody mother's use anybody you want okay yeah they fired by the way they fired my dad after like you know three decades yeah some employment yeah the company was folding it's a family owned company they'll be buried by the time this podcast comes out but no it's just it's just my dad's loyalty was insane to the company and that was also why I've said this before what my dad was so into me doing what we do cuz he was like yeah your aunt you're your own boss yeah you're right you're your own victim and you're on your own Victor so like you're there's no one to blame and you can take the credit which is nice he's like don't he's like don't ever spend your whole life working for someone who doesn't give a [ __ ] about you which is what so true I know dude it was weird to hear because my old man was that he's kind of by-the-book guy and he's like I say it all the time to me I mean I endorsed like that aspect of what we do it like really resonates with me yeah I don't like people you know some type of like what would you be doing I was like I would own my own business I know that yeah I don't know well I wasn't doing nothing wrong with working for someone else others no just remember there's a good chance they don't give a [ __ ] about your well-being yeah like when you work for some big company or corporation or whatever you got to do whatever any American has to do but that proved to me that man these companies they'll [ __ ] spit you out after you were like I'm loyal to you I'm loyal to you I love you and they're like cool man thanks for the eight billion dollars over the course of so many years [ __ ] off I've had and my uncle got super [ __ ] by a company he basically spelled yeah he oh he built like he was there the guy that built this independent company up and and they don't give a [ __ ] now givers know why I played golf with twenty years ago I can't believe he's alive Wow and can I say his name sure this is Stewart Woods an American novelist by the way he's got a lot of body two years old he's what he's a book god yeah oh dude I know I've seen this guy's books yeah you recognize these Stewart Woods books because you've seen them in like airports yeah kiosk spindles massive yeah dude he's one of these guys that does YAG thrillers right yeah three yeah yeah they're like they're like crime thriller crime thriller drama books that's exactly what they are I've seen the I've seen a million of these I had this like he always looks like this by the way this guy at home we're gonna put up a photo so you can see what he looks like they always look like that was look like that yeah why what is that like that's Bert is that like the pro athlete theory where you're like they're born for that oh he was born to write books I remember this that I was mortified maybe you've had this experience where when you start if you're not like a really good when you're young you picked I picked I started playing golf let's say like I'm 17 or something sure and I was mortified to play with other people because I knew I wasn't good right and then that that summer I get to playing like where my parents live and I got to that point where I was you know getting better getting better and feeling a little more confident we're like I don't want to embarrass like I don't want to be like people would see me and they would go like you know they would go this guy can [ __ ] and go I don't know why like they're like you can rip when I sew way you hold you yeah and I was like embarrassed so I'm playing with my dad and your dad a good golfer he's like a lifelong girl he's all right you know okay he doesn't really play anymore but you know he would like in a on a good day he would shoot in the 80s but on average he probably shooting like high 80's 90's you know but like competent like play can join a foursome and play yeah so you know he's definitely the veteran taking me around I'm playing with him one day and it's just the two of us and then we come up on a hole and there's a guy sitting in a golf cart that is not the golf cart that the course gives you it's like yeah it's like tricked out yeah yeah yeah [ __ ] and my dad's like that's he knows he right he goes that Stewart Woods with Flex Stewart was he's like he's a like a big-time author the author with the trick now god yeah I was like all right he's a [ __ ] baller he's a ball I go okay and so my dad recognizes him and loves famous people celebrity so he was like he's like and when I have a couple of your books that's your dad that's my dad and Stewart Woods is like well you got like 12 more to go and I'm and then he's like you might have to play with you and I'm like aw [ __ ] and the guys like sure now I'm nervous that I'm going to embarrass myself front of Stuart was America a mr. I don't know yeah he's like yeah sure you can play with me I'm like [ __ ] so he goes up there to tee off he shanks this [ __ ] I was like yes and he puts another ball down shanks that one perfect puts a third ball down shut up hooks it I was like what the [ __ ] he does like he it's like six of them I don't take breakfast ball French ball yep just and then when I was like okay and then we you know whatever get on the fairway he just picks a spot throws one hits it [ __ ] it up throws another one down that's it so I'm like - he's gone through like 26 balls on this hole we organized an omelet do we play a few hold of them and then we're like I think we're gonna split because he's so bad that like he look he's dragging us he's putting your game down yeah I was like man we're pistou we're gonna walk we got to go we got to take off because you're dog [ __ ] all right man and if you think I'm bullshitting Orchid Island I still [ __ ] remember the course Orchid Island yeah that's what it is Florida has a good place in my heart I've talked about it before it's where I lost my virginity you did Marco Island Florida baby Oh West Coast that's right baby Gulf Sabri Oh 16 16 16 16 pretty young yeah wait yeah 16 high school girlfriend traded a bottle of Captain Morgan rum for the room key yeah we knew one dude that had a hotel I was I could give you a bottle Captain Morgan rum a handle if I can have the room key for a little while and he was like how long you for I was like probably all night I get in there was like 26 minutes later I'm like all right we got to pack up and go back out there yeah we just want to watch a show we wanted to watch one episode of Law & Order and now we're back yeah Marco Island Florida I spent as it was it a memorable experience like in a good way or now yeah actually be I was for both of us we were virgins so it was like we decided that was our say it was I was the same it was nice that it happened that way yeah that it was like were my first time was her first time yeah because I hear the other way when people are like it was a nightmare I hear that from women women yeah it's always that way yeah but I he's ever like it was her 50th time it kind of was like how nice would have been if your first time though was a chick like you know a few years older I was like let me just show you huh what we like yes and you're like okay actually you know what it would have been great if I was like 20 and I waited and like a 42 year old yeah he was like I'm gonna suck your balls that would have been the best you know but we were both and then you'd be like sex is amazing and then all your sex would be a disappointment right everything else yeah no we were we were both yeah Florida had this we knew would that's where it was it was like I'm redoing mark your vacation there yes Spring Break Oh spring yeah hi Scooby well dude Chicago kids Florida is our mecca like in Florida is where you know because it's a snowbird you know all the Midwest people go down and California should be where we really end up going yes too many people go to Florida but no one can afford to go out there but also Florida's like you can drag a better [ __ ] it's so much easier to navigate oh yeah all that stuff oh yeah the beaches yep the anything you're trying to get to and like if you want to park somewhere it's easy and Gilda it's the out here it's a [ __ ] nightmare yeah I know that's exactly right it's like but as a kid also flying to California was daunting he's like yeah this is back when people didn't fly that much just a flight for the you were like you you're gonna drive there so it was like we would drive to Florida I mean we would go down there and I've been to Marco Sanibel all that like we would go to the islands if I and usually was with someone else's family cuz like yeah my parents were like not going down yeah so who someone's who can I go with their family you know yeah get the [ __ ] out of here go jump in their van and it was the road trip was half of the fun like all that stuff was [ __ ] great yeah it was like kind of like that's what made that the Florida was great but getting there was great too which I don't think we'll ever have again cuz I don't think road trips unless the pandemic collapses the airline is really road trips just aren't a thing for like your kids generation won't really road trip no unless you for fun or like we'll go to the Grand Canyon whatever you won't you won't but like our generation it was kind of like that was still a fun thing to go do the the why can't I think I'm the Chevy Chase what's wrong with me Chevy Chase vacation yeah the original vacation it was like that's what America was at that time was like yeah we'll drive there you like it's so far like they're weird a lot that there's a chubby chaser Maryland yeah there's a chubby chased bolivars here yeah yeah we see that no see that beloved I think that name means something I mean I've said that before I'm like it's not a thing and I'm too dumb to know that it I was exciting Chevy Chase we Google it right now yeah well you Google just do it because honestly there's a Chevy's Bovard in I think it's I want to say it's it's right next to Griffith Park I think it's right over there there's a chubby chaser Avenue or Boulevard it was like dude you know like when you google it also has like common questions asked about yeah also ask yeah the number one one foot in just Chevy Chase it says what is wrong with Jen be chase what is the matter of a Chevy Chase well cuz you've heard all these stories where he's like you know these little lower of Chevy where he's like doesn't want to work anymore and is kind of pissy and mad and angry have you heard any of this stuff yes yeah I mean you heard like I think maybe Dan Harmon had talked about on the set of community he was like grumpy and mad and but but also I want to side with him for two seconds I got a guy that I don't know I guess after like 40 years in the business yeah I probably would be like ah right [ __ ] everything I'm doing this but I just have to pay bills and as an actor there's no real retirement plan that doesn't exist like you know you know I mean it's like people also forget though like with him and I would say this will be like kind of generationally removing people from like but he was one of the biggest box office stars in the world yeah in the world and I thought of it was actually before my time but I learned this say about Burt Reynolds yeah same there like do you understand though like had a string of like seven years as the number of a guy yeah and then it's like when that changes and you're just like everyone so people like you but you're just an actor now you're a guy that's got to be it's got to be hard well but also it's not a hard to see in a business where like there's people dude that I've made like nine ten eleven box-office bombs yeah the business is still like we love them yeah but you're like but they keep eating [ __ ] yeah like I don't think you could name one I don't think you could name one legitimate Jennifer Aniston movie where you're like ah dude it's the movies incredible it's amazing movie no and I'm not [ __ ] on her it's like she's just been in a lot of stuff where you're like it's okay Anna yeah but friends love like but friends boyfriends but it just helps I just want a saying where Colin Farrell is he was starring in things for a while yeah and he said in something recent like you could probably find it that he's never been happier than when he was like when he could no longer be the the title said he loves his mean you know someone can just say that but he's like it's such a freeing thing to I'm sure the pressure must be absurd to carry a movie yeah like like we've known Tiffany had we've known Tiffany hatch for years as a stand-up yesh when she became a movie star named movie star the pressure is absurd because they're like well you are this thing now and if they don't like it then we look at you for some reason but you're like what about the studio what about the writers what about them and the way people like criticized her is crazy yeah everyone why are you so mad if you're up there you're gonna get it yeah you they they we are I don't know the term but we love to we love to go as high as you can get it and when you're up there you're like come on down on down yeah it's such a sick business I wanted to educate you a little bit yeah please the name Chevy Chase is derived from Chhavi sauce they made the name of the land patented to Colonel Joseph belt from Charles Calvert v Baron Baltimore on July 10th 1725 it has historic associations to a 1388 battle between Lord Percy a Valen an earl Douglas of Scotland the subject of the ballad entitled The Ballad of Chevy Chase Wow at issue in this ship I'll see if French word describing a border raid or hunting grounds or a chess in the show via the Chevy Oh heels of Cheviot Hills Chevrolet at hills of North umberland and Otto Burton we have Chevy a Hills here we do yeah we have a Chevy details here it's so what is his show is his real name not Chevy Chase I haven't I'm reading about the name the word no okay so we got a rumor and speculation Chevy Chase Maryland has no direct relation to actor and comedian Chevy Chase both are named after the British ballad he was named so he just happens to come from chase last name chase and and his named that as such yes his real name is Cornelius crane chase yeah and it looks like Chevy Chase Maryland was named the most affluent town the United States most affluent town yeah Maryland Chevy Chase Maryland Chevy Chase Maryland yeah no [ __ ] mmm Maryland you've been to the Northeast oh yeah yeah yeah I lived there I lived in a College Park for a while for the AmeriCorps school yeah I was just gonna say I rule is always different because oh you didn't go to school you just around it was I mean I just like yup college I the college parties I love college party what's so funny about that i party with guys at asu yeah that were like 20 was it yeah I know we worked on the chair before you said it thank you ah I remember partying with like 20 to 24 year olds when we were in 1920 we first got in you're like they're 58 yeah these guys are 106 but I was also like the other coolest dudes on earth yeah it's like what do you do and the guys like Jiffy Lube and you're like I can do what dude yeah we had dudes at like party with us that didn't go to college but lived in college they lived in college like they would meet us on campus they would hang out like they were in college but they weren't in college yeah it was the weirdest feeling of I remember being in college and having not a college like yeah like local yeah how much of a really small schools awake you see them you notice the more you know I mean you're like yeah you bet that you've been at these parties for a while now he's like I'll never leave did ya started at 17 I'll never cry send yes that was a lot there was a lot of California transplants in Arizona those schools have to both of them U of A and ASU have just insane reputations yeah for what for academics you mean you were like yeah ology on that we are the best bio we're the best at chemistry and ironically also at math that's crazy yeah I went to school I got my degree in hydroponic chemical engineering with a minor in heart surgery as a focus that I'd never even heard of that yeah it's a new class it's one class heart heart heart surgery focus yeah heart surgery focus yeah and you don't have to go to med school because probably least what the professor says med school is a lot of fodder it's a lot of books and like is that how you would be good at it I don't think so I think you just have to talk about it as much as and we talked about it often about what surgery would be like is it scary have you done a heart surgery oh my god what are you doing snow no I just we just talked about it often but I have a degree for it I don't think I can perform I think it's highly illegal but I do think the degree sets me up for a future in what could be perhaps consultation online have you ever witnessed a surgery uh though no of you many really yeah I had the wild idea that I wanted to be a doctor a surgeon you did well this is young though yeah sure sure sure so I was like a freshman in high school and I tell I'm like I think I want to be a doctor I mean I'm a freshman aren't your parents like yeah of course but I think they're like well this is a good sign it's a good sign but I was like yes I do I mean I'm very convincing you know and they're like okay so I go I think I want to be like a surgeon though you know so yeah my dad calls his brother who's like a well known doctor who sets me up your dad a doctor by the way no okay his brother and tested me up to go to the Mayo in Jacksonville and witness surgery like for a day to just be a part of it like I get there 7:00 a.m. and I'm a freshman I remember that the one of the doctors goes what school do you go to I was a kind of a big kid you know yeah I mean for a freshman in high school I was probably uh five-nine five-ten and like 185 or something full-sized he was like what school do you go to I I say my high school and he's like that's a university I go I'm in high school she was like you're in high school so I think he thought he was also eating other high school boys well he's like he goes like why are you like he thought he was gonna take like a college get right right right and he's like so you're here I was like I want to do this he was like okay alright so I witness 13 surgeries that day holy they start me like first day like I'm at the hospital 6:30 in the morning yeah and this guy he's like alright he takes me in like the first surgery we witness is to an 87 year old woman who's having a cyst removed from her vagina oh my god and I go in there he's like you're gonna stand here he goes like I so I'm standing at the foot of the bed and you standing in my kind of sign that stares straight up yeah yeah I'm covered and everything and he goes no come here come here and he pulls me aside he goes just so you know she's not under so if you say something she can hear it and I go she wait for the surgery yeah she's just like anesthetized right right from the waist do they start and like so there's this 87 year old [ __ ] just like wide open it from me I'm like all right that's how you knew you were gay I knew I knew it and then he kind of he's like they go in there and then he he's like here's the cyst and then he's like holy [ __ ] like this is enormous so they start bringing in other people to look at it and then they go like Edith just like yes he goes we're gonna take some pictures and she's like okay we just want to post this stuff this is why we've never seen one this size so this is gonna be in a journal but your face will be in the photos or anything like that okay yeah yeah and so they start taking pictures I'm sitting there like oh my god and then he pops it and yeah it's just like oozing no oh my god leave that and he was like when that's something I go yeah yeah I'm gonna understand of comedy more surgeries [ __ ] that like I don't add that to me I always had a stomach for stuff that's like that turns people but I never understood how someone could like over and over I want to open people up I was always like look like we did the Frog in you know and buy or whatever you know you have to offer and that made people sick I remember kids puking in class and it never made me sick but I was like who would want to do this over and over oh I know who would want to do I wasn't so weird I said that day and I was like well undo surgery oh [ __ ] that no way I never get the whole idea of like I could be okay with doing it if I have to do it but there's people that are so comfortable yeah that it doesn't but it's like a it's I thought about this the other day when I was at when I was going to get the the my ankle looked at in the medical building as I'm passing these hallways and passing like there was a an optometrist Italian tours is they you know every kind of doctor and as I was in the waiting room I thought about that I was like kind of wonder what it's like to make the decision of like I guess this will be my focus because I definitely don't want to do that and I know internally they probably talk [ __ ] to each other videos like a podiatrist or an orthopedist they're like wow oh like did they [ __ ] on each other absolutely so like if you do if you're if you're a surgeon they're like top top tier [ __ ] and they look at the other doctors like [ __ ] like oh is that you they absolutely do it's so late the general surgeons I'm saying are up there cardiology and that's legit neurologists right you know you're doing like who's the lowest like who's the one that they mocked the mouse well I mean I'm sure it's probably chiropractors you know yeah but then even if you're there like you're not but I mean I'm sure they they definitely oh if you're like you know your general physician they realize that you're you're a necessity yeah you're needed but they're like they they are what do you really like you know that they call them Wikipedia way above you yeah thank you comes doctor Wikipedia yes just generalize amenities here everyone yeah are you gonna guess what someone has again Mike is that we gonna do your whole thing is that you refer your patients to us who because I saw a thing someone just to make fun of it oh there's a show called floor is lava on Netflix that people are watching them you know about this [ __ ] floor is lava yeah it's like a it's like a gauntlet game show three people they try to get through a room where the floor is literally like bubbling [ __ ] lava and they have to jump from thing to thing to thing to get to the exit and if they fall in they lose and it's real or scribbly a lava real lot no it's it's no it's a it's like a game show it's a game show no but during one point they had doctors versus nurses and the doctors were like yeah you know like know we love our nurses like they're the best like they yeah yeah that they're wonderful and the nurses were like did they talk [ __ ] because we do like all the [ __ ] work like they just get like Santeria and like read a [ __ ] notebook that way like they were so annoyed of it they were it was it was like funny that they were like oh what did look what did they say they do because they're like GPS like they tweet like we do everything and then one girl was like no seriously like we like she's like listening of all this [ __ ] that you could tell that there was such a there's such like this internal clashing or they're like don't think you're [ __ ] you know it's like well I am better than you like no [ __ ] you like yeah you do the thing you just get to take credit it's a very classes thing I think especially with doctors and nurses that's sure for sure and I think I mean cuz here's the thing like if you're you know a nurse has a actually has a pretty extensive education of course really knows to get there's it's not just like you don't just like sign up yeah yeah and I think that they're less dismissed I mean they're you know they're probably jokes with doctors but the way that like civilians are like you're a nurse it's like I'm sure do you do know that i'll i would savior i could save your laugh right like that is true yeah they just get kind of brushed off as like you're a part of the process yeah which is a bummer because it's almost like they're not parking attendants like they're what's how it's how that's how doctors treat nurses the way from just what i've heard you treat everyone that's ever opened for you oh i'm you you are brutal you're brutal somebody told me one time whoever was opening for you a couple years ago not only did you not they couldn't get a hotel you forced them to you rented a car at hertz he rented like a Chevy Volt and you made them sleep in the car I did and I also wouldn't turn it on no I don't turn it on yet cuz it's about you know getting like I realize I'm a coach for these you know openers or you can see we say [ __ ] well I was just saying I say I also asked for a feature gift okay you have to bring - to bring me a gift and so the first time that I you know was educating one of them on it and they were like what's a feature gift and I'm like well you gift the headliner as a way of saying you know thank you for having me and she the opener was like well how do I like how much did I spend and I go how much are you earning this week right so she said you know $500 right something around $500 five or six hundred dollars yeah should be they should be willing to take a loss to open for you yeah of course financially I had cuz I have heard what you typically do is if a feature is getting a certain amount of money let's just make an arbitrary and let's just say like oh they get seven or dollars I've heard that you doc depending on what how many jokes you don't like yeah that's true oh yeah if like if you don't open strong right is it how do you dock is at 10:01 and yeah Wow if you have a wildlife joke you immediately lose 100 bucks really so it's out out and what's the biggest detrimental what joke can they tell that you really take away the most money what is it that looks like the thing that they just to inform listeners in fate in case they don't know you really start taking away money if they do a certain kind of joke or yeah I mean like if they do an accent or like you know something about like oh you know one time I was with my mom and family stuff yeah yeah no do you really cut it then it's they just go right to have you know have you ever made sure that people that work with you don't get paid at all I try to like I'll you know if I do if I do a club I'll just I'll tell the club go are you planning on paying them and they'll be like yeah I'll go just give it to me yeah and then they go like you'll pay him and I go yeah yeah I mean it's a look it's your it's your comedic choice as a performer to do what you want but I do think that's what I like to remind them I like to go like to when they're like oh I didn't get paid I'm like oh did everyone come out to see you is that what you say to that yeah yeah I guess I get that and it is your video they'll tell you yeah yeah can I ask you one more intimate question yeah it's kind of long the comedy lines there's rumors on the internet that your son is a ghostwriter for some of your some material yeah you're willing to admit that on the show you're willing to admit that today that your son actually does write some of your stuff so where you gonna where you gonna join you think to play dude the deflection is so obvious I'm not to play I'm saying you're deflecting to you you said you were gonna join you're deflecting because your son writes your [ __ ] I use because and I cannot wait for this to come out so people can hear finally that like people always are like Tom so funny like I friends ago I love Tom I like oh you're friends with Tom I said yeah yeah we're cool yeah love Tom it oh dude I think Tom's so funny - jeez people say that's kind of [ __ ] that they think you didn't hear this comedic [ __ ] like a phenomenal comedic entertainer and you're so funny and and for years I've been like there's no [ __ ] way yeah that he that he does his own stuff yeah and I thought that he doesn't steal joke from peers cuz I know you don't steal from comedians but I go he's Jack he's getting it from somewhere so because he is I'm for real here's what I've heard yeah I've heard you can join a club socially or you can join them to play just like just yet oh but you get a better deal yes I think if you just I think if you joined socially but they don't have golf access well I gotta you got to be honest yeah um I'm not joining a club that was just to bait you to find out you're not really you have I just wanted to find out if you could if you could had some pull in some town to get me into something to you feel like when you argue with someone that your heart rate goes down yeah actually really yeah that's a psychopathic yeah it goes way down like if we get in a debate I calm down you calm down yeah because I feel like I I have to because you sink low everything slows down so I can start picking out some your hurry doesn't race and you don't get short of breath know at any moment I like like I saw that I saw that big gold thing over there and I thought I could hit him over the head with that and hurt him bad that calmed you down it caught makes me feel good that gives me like I'm like a solace of of the moment dr. Drew was telling me about that he was like you know and some people because we're watching confrontation video clip arguments yeah and I was like he was like that woman calls the girl in n-word and she fights her that one no it was a different one cause it was a neighbor it was a neighbor who was mad at his neighbor for burn and dirty I had never even met using dirty firewood and he's like oh [ __ ] your [ __ ] smoke is dark he was going to crazy he's in bad wood you're burning it he was and drew was like you know there are people who when they do this when they confront their heart rate actually like they got they it makes them feel good to have the confrontation they're getting to a calmer as most of us would be like the [ __ ] and you feel your heart rate go up and you feel you're kind of your throat dry out oh you're like you know you can even feel like the and anxiety yeah he's like no this guy he's like this might just be like a thing he does and he feels good after it I had over there was a woman who's flying through the neighborhood this is crazy cuz like if a guy was doing something and I got on a verbal Arctic altercation with a guy at this age that you're like I'm not fighting a guy this is [ __ ] insane like I'm doing something I need to like really defense yeah with a guy I really go [ __ ] you and I'd probably stay the same heart rate yeah my heart went through the roof because it was a woman this woman because her her confidence was staggering yeah dude she was flying down the street in our neighborhood we're walking our dog and our neighborhoods quiet as [ __ ] and she's flying in this truck and as she goes by I do the very dad bullsh I'm like slow down I do the slow down down your windows open slams on the brakes puts a reverse I'm not kidding it puts it out was you when I go are you yes my heart attack yeah yeah I saw I saw it was like this little yeah any girl and she's like what the fact that you say you [ __ ] [ __ ] and I was like I said slow down you're flying through the neighborhood I'm trying to keep my composure but inside of my - this lady is ray-ray she's gonna kill me yeah she if it was a dude I probably would've been like oh [ __ ] you break it the [ __ ] this woman was attacked she could barely over the wheel or head was like a foot over the wheel and she's like well it's a yeah oh my god you fast for you you [ __ ] and I swear to god dude was emasculating the [ __ ] out of me and I'm like you need to calm down like you need to slow down in the neighborhood like I couldn't get it out cuz I was I couldn't believe she had I thought no way is this woman gonna back up and be like you [ __ ] big and then I go just I go and then I started doing this I started saying you need to relax you need to roll that filter you need oh yeah dude she like are you like how is she huh maybe I mean 38 but with drugs 46 yeah I mean you could she had a tough day she had a really tough usually like the the druggies though yeah they'll do that [ __ ] oh yeah I had the compost she's ready to fight yeah I had to this was not drug related I have a car where I just had a crazy exhaust put into it and I was shifting manually and so I went to shift in in this neighborhood and you could hear like the like when I shift it I wasn't going crazy fat it does sound strong but it sounds nice and this guy walked down the street he's goes like this I've been that guy by the way so you know what I did know it was kind of a psycho move I was driving I went like that I like fast cars and then I just kept going yeah you don't you don't the stop for that guy yeah but I do think you're flying through AI if you're going super fast like absurdly fast on the freeway or on major roads I'm cool with it cuz I like fast - yeah neighbor resident no no it's not cool right just think you're a dick like you are if you want to speed go on the main road if you want to flip your car in the freeway do it dude yeah I want to watch it whenever I see someone flying I'm always like doing what I want it when people are cutting through lanes yeah my dad is always like look at this [ __ ] guy you know the guy that's a changeling change oh yeah my dads are like his [ __ ] and I'm always like no I love it cuz I want to see I want to watch it yes I'm behind it I want to see it when I was a kid I've told the story before my dad and I watch I watched a car no [ __ ] I watched a car go from the opposite side of a freeway over onto our side of the freeway with my own two eyes yeah watch it happen he must have either fallen asleep or avoid clipping someone and went over ace wasn't a medium it was the old there wasn't concrete mediums it was um it was like on the Kennedy Expressway and it was a like a guardrail they were almost like mini guardrails you know they were just single strip flipped over there it cracked over and then spun yeah watched it happen as a kid I was like nine I remember I remember it so vividly and it was like on the news it was this big thing and the whole time I was and we were there we were there yeah it was absurd and I don't even know what ended up having everybody died but whatever the case it's like if someone's gonna be crazy on the freeway it's like that's the spot to do it I guess you're gonna be absurd have you gotten an absurd speeding ticket in one of these things because you you like a zoom zoom fast car I like a zum-zum fast no I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in a while and I've never gotten a I've never gotten pinched when I was doing I I was going to be on coke when you were speeding well I got pulled over I just remembered this I got pulled over about six months ago going pretty fast what are we talking I'm not sure I'm not sure what over a hundred there was the thing is like I was in the school zone you were gonna 185 no no I was I was doing that thing where you know it was a night drive I was coming back to LA yeah and it's like that you'd hit pockets where you can floor it but then like you see cars you slow down you know it's like freeway driving after 10:30 90 do 100 yeah you're in that zone I saw I got lit up I was like and they she let me go was a female you know who you were no she didn't know who you were shouldn't say anything because I feel like people that let go it's only because they know who you are why would cops let you go when you're speeding she's probably a fan and didn't say it I got pulled over again last week now you remind me I got pulled over last week in a different car and then they let me go yeah you knew you were there's no [ __ ] you know how many people are listening like [ __ ] you got when people get pulled over the cop has no reason to not give you well he goes what he goes where you going so fast this is what they said last week how the light I know I go I'm sorry he goes where he going so fast and I go I even realized those going fast like I was like I go was I I go I you know I mean I go I'm sorry I was just he goes was that your friend there cuz I was driving with someone it was in another car oh yeah and I go and then he goes uh are give me I gave him everything and yeah he's like uh he comes down he writes something down and he goes uh he gives me my eyes he goes do me a favor yeah he goes slow it down for me then I go sure yeah Tom Segura was it you knew who you were I don't know yes dude yes because I'm not famous like you're famous I have like a few people that go oh I kind of recognize this weirdo aren't you from us thing that I don't like and I go yes and and when I get pulled over every time I've gotten tickets I I have a felony ticket from my from my pass for double the speed limit yeah but that's when I first started in comedy I was doing those triple drop that wait what else were you going 1:31 third day was a 65 zone I think yeah where were you outside of Nevada on the way to win in Makkah how fat is that ticket I mean this was all this was 12 years ago or 13 years ago but it was uh it was a felony charges I had to go to court for holy [ __ ] yeah which was crazy because they can they can if it doubled the speed limit is a felony right and they don't have to write it as a felony right up ticket it can it can it can be just a violation and they could choose to make it a fun but something tells me that like go ahead when he met you yeah yeah it was like I kind of want to make this official yeah same yeah it's happened in my whole life with cops I've always had an adverse reaction to cops I'm I have cops are my family and I respect them yeah at the moment I get pulled over I'm like this isn't why I pay for you I guess I don't say that but I get so annoyed that I'm like your this is why go get a guy that's killing somebody or raping something like why you're that guy feeding your that I [ __ ] hate it yeah why are you getting me I'm going a little fast my older sister I have an older sister and my older sister your sisters 92 92 years old wild it's crazy yeah the where's born so far apart but she she has been the PERT but the person at fault in 13 or 14 car accidents what yeah take her license away I know that's it what state is this in a few but mostly it was constant in Florida she's a national problem on the road she's it's unn well leave time out let me ask time not to cut you off yeah in Wisconsin there isn't a three-strike laws so maybe that's why she cuz you know that's where she started driving okay cuz cuz I don't know if you know this this is that we used to joke about this in Chicago Wisconsin has no law in DUI culture if you get three Steve duis you have a license your license is expelled for the rest of your life right and you know three strike law states California yeah yeah most places that Illinois like that yeah if you have three three duis you're done for yeah Wisconsin does not have a three-strike law for duis there was a woman sorry to interject but there was a woman I remember reading story she had 12 DUIs always heard those stories but Wisconsin because Wisconsin cops are like come on Betty get home will ya and she's like all right you get it at home they're like ah take you in come on we got will you follow us will you follow us like Wisconsin has that like drinking country lifestyle where like falls asleep yeah we gotta take her in yeah so your sister started with one of her dozen in Wisconsin yeah yeah so [ __ ] yes that so even minor things like backing up into a light pole backing up into a parked car come on can sit but they're considered they are acts accidents yeah barking leaving or crashing into the crashing into the island at a gas station I think well your while you're just leaving the gas taking off yeah and then like damage the whole side leaving a kid leaving a dog but she's also don't think it's just these she's also been t-boned and she's all she's been hit but at her fault like what yeah she's been t-bone she's rear-ended people she's t-boned other cars have you driven in have you been in a vehicle with her yeah she just has no spatial awareness not recently not right and like also you know there it's one of those things too like if you like driving there's things that you think are intuitive that somebody who is a bad driver you're like what are you doing I couldn't reflect more it's crazy yeah I guess you're doing this all wrong why would you do it like that you know what you say that when you know why okay yeah you're like why aren't you going right now why did you stop right why are you learning here right like all that so I but I remember I remember as one of them like my dad is pretty composed you know like I've seen him get mad but he's pretty composed and when we were in high school I remember they had like a built in dresser to the wall in your room in his room okay like the dresser was like it came with the house it's railed into the wall and I remember that my mom told him something and he was opening a drawer and he pulled it out of the wall when the whole thing came out and I was like oh [ __ ] and so I was like what happened and she had told him that my sister had just called and told her that she got a speeding ticket for going 105 in a 55 he was like she was 16 or 17 and then so he was soem and then he called her he was like why are you going and she was like I was dancing like that's why I didn't know she was dancing he was like wait a minute you're driving she was like yeah but I was like driving it are you driving a vehicle no no she's almost rage didn't really realize how fast I was going ha ha ha I like your sister yeah although I never want to be near her on the road in a vehicle it's a real dangerous well be safe Tom okay don't ever get near your sister ever again in a car I I want to say this I really appreciate you as a person as a comedian and as a friend because you're great at all three before on the episode I want to say this is me being sincere when I started this podcast I was gonna Tom was gonna help me out and I was very grateful for it and I mean that and the only reason I didn't take help from Thomas because Kristina's advice was just better than yours yeah genuine genuinely christina was more intuitive she was smarter she had better ideas if Tom said you should rent an airplane hangar at LAX and do it from there yep I went there they wanted 80 huh eighty-seven hundred dollars a month for a closet and then it was like what about the whole hangar tom says anything yeah they're like that's insane owner if it's agree it was crazy yeah I couldn't anyway I didn't take your advice and I'm glad I didn't because it was so ill there's such bad advice but I appreciate you because when I started this podcast literally you were one of the people I talk to about it I was like yeah I kind of want to do it is this a bad idea no no and you were a very promotional of it and I appreciate you for that have you taught me a lot as a friend as a comedian you've taught me that you can you can get away with anything on stage as long as you pretend like it's funny and that's something I've learned from you and I learned that you know for my son so thank you for being here and I end every episode the same way I want you to look in the camera when I get off camera okay and I want you to end it with one word or one phrase of your choosing I'm gonna walk off and then you are in an episode look in the camera one word or one phrase [Music] [Music]

Channel: Andrew Santino

Views: 455,683

Rating: 4.8867087 out of 5

Keywords: ymh, your moms house, bad friends, tigerbelly, jre, joe rogan, bill burr, dave chappelle, tom segura, bert kreischer, 2 bears 1 cave, theo von, all things comedy, comedy podcast, andrew santino, dave on fx, lil dicky, dave, curb your enthusiasm, tfatk, king and the sting, KAT, bobby lee, history hyenas, yannis pappas, andrew schulz, tim dillon, the tim dillon show, chris distefano, the bill bert podcast, kill tony, water champ, Christina p, keep it featherin

Id: nukkzYxRN3Y

Length: 102min 44sec (6164 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 17 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/ThoseFlyingSpears]

when you find out someone listens to aesop you instantly give them 10000 respect points

[u/PM_ME_UR_PERSPECTIVE]

The main mommy and Aes in the same podcast? I'm ready.

[u/[deleted]]

i wonder if aesop keeps it high and tight

[u/SoBetn]

Tom Segura is great

[u/TheHongKongBong]

Nice, first Mauss and now Santino, comedy world has some good music taste.

[u/unplugthemachine]

haha i just know this dude from the show Dave, which i really enjoyed. wouldn’t have guessed he was a huge fan of aesop, as he makes pretty clear in that clip. but that’s pretty awesome.