Whiskey Ginger - Nick Swardson - #054

what is up whiskey ginger fans I want to let you know what's going on in my life ladies and gentlemen this weekend I'm gonna be in Nashville Tennessee gonna be in Nashville then in Huntsville Alabama then the following weekend I'm gonna be at Cobbs in San Francisco the following weekend I'm gonna be an Indianapolis then I go home take some turkey put it in my mouth taken naps ki doodles then I'm back in California doing the Brea improv the sixth and the seventh and I'm doing one last show of the year in December 14th at the Ice House two shows actually one night and then kicks off the red rocket tour of 2020 as you can see here the amazing art made by jenna sunday and joseph aria come see the red rocket live go to Andrew Santino calm for tickets I am so excited we're adding new dates as we go we're gonna keep it moving baby please come out and support the red door kept this episode of whiskey ginger is brought to you by Buffalo Trace buff trace as you know is the only bourbon with 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yourself some Buffalo Trace because they're changing the ways that whiskey is being made and I'm proud to support them because they're proud to support me so go on and get you a bottle of buff Trace that bourbon with balls you can see it right on the label go ahead and take a picture send it to your family you can see he's got his nuts hanging down because you don't care baby it's Kentucky Bourbon it's the best there is my friend so drink up some Buffalo Trace and enjoy the episode predictable heavy heavy on the deck let's do it ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth I say that for all my guess but I mean it especially today it is Nick Swardson yeah are you happy I'm very happy you look good thank you I don't feel good I feel great yeah yes how long have you been off the sauce um I haven't drank since September 25th oh he didn't want to do it on 9/11 no damn it did you do anything on 9/11 did you celebrate I didn't I am you don't celebrate the holiday I don't I I was gonna go to Vegas and go to New York New York I didn't have enough money so September 25th is when you quit you have to eat this a little bit by the way I eat this a little bit more pull really okay not that much that's insane okay that's good all right um what you quit on the 25th you I quit on the 25th wasn't um by choice so I I usually do this I usually detox like half the year so I'll go drive for like five months and I take a ton of vitamins I eat really healthy a lot of people don't know this they just think I'm like a tornado all the time but I eat like really healthy I just like acupuncture all this stuff and then I'll do the opposite so they'll go on a [ __ ] shitstorm and I'll just drink for like four months straight what did you pick the five months that you would take off like on but like was it like I'm gonna take off you know January [ __ ] kind of well I had gone into a movie in February with it was me and Spade and so I don't drink when I film yeah so I did like you know we film for like two months and then I just carried it over after that I was developing a new TV show and pitching that so I was drive for another three months and then Memorial Day weekend hit and I was like oh that's dance bang yes I just signed up all summer and just went and I just drink I don't do drugs people think like because I make fun of cocaine and stuff I do that [ __ ] but I just drank but I drink a lot like I'm from Minnesota where it's [ __ ] insane how much they jar everybody drinks I'm from Chicago it's yeah it's [ __ ] psycho I mean like their tolerance is just insane it's like when I go home it's so much I remember one time speaking of Chicago it's one of my favorite cities I remember I landed and I went into my hotel and then I just went out to get a bite and get a cocktail it was like 4:00 in the afternoon was like a happy hour I know these geysers like eight dudes that are obliterated this is Wednesday happy hour they were obliterated middle the day I realize well yeah there's like shots I'm like no I'm good man still four I'm like you know I'm just having a cocktail and I go hey your buddy I think is really [ __ ] up man he might want to watch him they're like dude that's Jerry man he's like that all the time he's fine I'm like I think Jerry's in bad shape like I know bad shape I think Jerry might be my I want to tap out and they're like dude no Jerry gets up standing on a table stance on the table it just wobbles he just goes face first in another table smashes his entire face [ __ ] out [ __ ] and I was like Jerry and they're like whoa and I'm like get him a [ __ ] cab or running over like what are you doing there's like immediately got him out of there that's Chicago oh yeah there's like theyd we grew up like that's why I'm always I've talked to her ogen about this he's always like you think cuz I made fun of them for silver October I think it's funny that they all like quit their vices and then they just go full-bore again right when it's over it's like yeah really doing much if you want to temper it I guess that makes sense but to be like one month we're gonna chill and then come November I'm gonna die like they all I mean birds but do you see how much weight Burt lost no Kreischer lost a ton of weight like in one month I was blown away he went through with it sober October yeah man he's he is like it's it I think I think Joe said 50 pounds fifty pounds if I'm not wrong I mean I believe that where did you lose weight when you stopped I lost weight so I you look you look in shape shape yeah I like got out a bunch too I'm like getting back into like working out and just I mean I so I drank so much over the summer that I have ended up in the hospital for three weeks so it was like bad I had posted on my Instagram yeah and but it was like I downplayed it big time what happened um so I go on this bender I end it in Minnesota I do a show and then I drank for like a month and a half Minnesota I'm going to twins Gaines Vikings games and just hanging out with my buddies and we're just getting smashed and then I I borrow from my hotel room not weird and my buddy picks me up take me to the airport so I've got shows in Colorado and I turn to my buddy and I go I go something's wrong man and he's like I you're just hungover and I'm like no I know hangovers like this is something's wrong and he's like just get on the plane you're fine so I throw up in the airport getting my ticket so I'm at the computer and I'm like again not abnormal but now I've got pains in my body so I'm like something's wrong I'm kind of panicking so I get on the plane I throw up on the plane yeah in the bathroom and then I get back to my seat and we're landing in Denver and I just opened my carry-on and barf on all my clothes and the guy next to me was like oh yeah so then I get off the plane go get like some toms and like a Gatorade and that didn't help so I'm like all right I get a cocktail so I got a cocktail if that didn't out then I throw up again and now I'm in like pain like all over my body being stabbed so I go to Urgent Care and they're like oh my god you need a [ __ ] ambulance so they call an ambulance and I go to University of Colorado hospital and they check me in and it was [ __ ] Armageddon it was three weeks of just like the worst the worst thing you could go through it was off I mean there's worse things you know I mean I had talked a lot of my friends who've gone through like you know cancer and stuff but this was just so intense for such a brief period of time and it was altitude sickness alcohol poisoning pneumonia pancreatitis sepsis in my blood which can eat one of those things can take you out and I had all four sepsis in your [ __ ] blood yeah it was [ __ ] horrifying so I was hooked up to tubes feeding tubes I mean it was it was insane dude and it was really bad surgery no but I had procedures so they had to drain the toxins out of my lungs drain my stomach Jesus yeah I was out for all of it obviously and they just it was hardcore dude and it is a wake-up call yeah and it's funny cuz I had so many wake-up calls like so many where it was like I should probably but now so this one so people don't notice I had a 10% chance of living what 10% chance because you had so many combined I had so many things at once that were all lethal and it was like it was gnarly and they told my family they're like be prepared to say goodbye to Nick so my family all flew in and I underwent all these things and the doctors like it's a miracle if he walks away from this it's a miracle like there were so many things that could have gone wrong and I uh I walked away from it which is insane and they were like you should probably not drink again and I was like yeah it's fine like I don't mind I never needed to drink you just I just loved it like I had a blast like people who've met me on the road I go to bars after the show I buy shots I mean I like you know I just love drinking and like you know I'm just having a blast I've always had a blast I'm not like a fighter I'm not dramatic I'm not gonna you know steal stuff though you what you do you get black I steal helicopters that was one thing that was a real dice roll LAPD catch me now I think they say 10% I truly believes I think they give percentages to give you like the fighting hope you don't I mean like when there Ryan he's only got 10% it so you're like gonna make it I think they do that till I give you this like influential you know cuz they say like people that this is this is totally true though people that want to live tend to live you know through weird ROI adversity like even medical issues like they say when people just kind of stop or give up they die they literally are just like man [ __ ] because the body kind of loses any sort of adrenaline or movement to try to like keep you pumping and going I think they do that to give you some sort of inspiration to be like hey man this is could this literally could be it I mean for the obvious reason of you being very sick right I think they do that to [ __ ] get in your head well they didn't tell me that they did I was told after oh so I wouldn't never mind were like he's so I went through all this [ __ ] and then afterwards I started to get better and better and then my sister is like yeah I'd like a 10% chance of living and I was like what she was like yeah we were told to take a bye to you and I was like nobody told me that and they were like my sister goes yeah you were like in a weird head space where you kept saying who brought all these rabbits because you were like hallucinating and I was like oh okay yeah I probably wouldn't absorbed any information and if I was trying to find they probably juiced up on [ __ ] huh yeah it took a while for me I mean I'm still like kind of I mean I'm like 98% but I was just on so much [ __ ] and like coming down from it I didn't realize I was like oh yeah I'm back and it's like no your body everything has to like readjust yeah my grant when my grandfather had was riddled with cancer and he was like on his way out there was a couple of great stories I mean this is it's like it's funny but it's not but he was so [ __ ] like loopy and out of it with like all the [ __ ] they were giving him yeah that like my dad walked in and he was like hey Jim do you want to like go for a walk around the you know around around the room cuz he didn't they kept telling him as a hospital but I think he just like didn't admit that it was a hospital they would say and he'd be like this isn't a goddamn [ __ ] I don't go to hospitals alright yeah ok let's walk around this facility and he would walk and he'd go he's like my dad walked out he's like are you gonna are you gonna come with I thought you just said you wanted to go and my grandfather sat up he's like as soon as you get these [ __ ] snakes out of my room I'll get out of the bed yeah I was like dad such an easy snakes on a plane joke like right there for you just lay it it t to the but he just but he was so like off on drugs he used to ask my dad for money he'd be like hey pal he didn't know who my dad was at some point okay pal he's like you give me give me a twenty spot my dad's like what he's like give me a twenty spot I have no [ __ ] pockets yeah he's in like a hospital gown right and he's like they took my [ __ ] money they took everything from me my dad's like I don't think you need money around here he's like you always need money idiot my dad's I guard so he would just hand him 20 bucks all the time because my grandfather thought like you need cash right it's gonna happen you need cash but it's just because like he was so amped on [ __ ] that he just was I mean it was like a he was like Ana lucid dream world the whole [ __ ] time yeah it's really surreal and I [ __ ] did the same thing I was in my gown hooked up to all these tubes and I kept going where's my [ __ ] wallet and my sister's like it's in your bag and I'm like can I have it yeah and she'd be like why why do you need her wallet I'm like and she said this is all stuff that's told to me and I go every man needs his wallet which was like okay like hiding your principles that's like out of the 1920s like broad yeah get my wallet broad where's my briefcase and but I kept doing [ __ ] I would just hold all this someone you remember none of this I remember nothing [ __ ] and I remember they told me that I go umm I would wake up in the middle of night at 3 in the morning and I might take my like [ __ ] robot with IVs and I'm like alright see you guys later and people be like mmm looks like my sister and my brother would sleep in the room with me maybe like where you going I'm like I'm going bowling and they're like where what are you talk you're going bowling I'm like they have an alley in the basement and they're like now they they don't and I'm like I'm pretty sure they do I go I'll be right back and I would go out and [ __ ] just walk around the halls I'm like I haven't like talked to the nurses I'd be like let's escape like what like it was just like weird but you know I've just bounced back but it was it was crazy so long story short I was just like you know I never needed a drink and so I was just like you know I'm 43 now I've done everything like I'm in the vodka Hall of Fame like by like first-ballot yeah you like there's no question yeah you're up like rafters yeah they raise your MCA retired you yeah but now you've now you feel like you you're like you didn't need it so now it's like it's so beyond behind you you it's not even a thought cuz you didn't you didn't feel like you had a an addiction you feel like it was just you loved to party more than to drink I just love to drink and just have fun and go and get smashed and I mean I would live I mean I've got a billion stories I've done everything with drinking yeah of like just and I would posted on Instagram just smashed I mean you know I think back to all the times of just you know and I loved it dude I mean I like I said I was never inappropriate I was never violent I would just get [ __ ] house and my friends we'd all get [ __ ] up and just the next day I'd be like dude you remember okay you know I just thought it was funny like did you I'm interested to know like for scale like remember uh remember when that sheet came out about the daily diet so to speak of like cocktail of drugs and alcohol that hun arrests Thompson did do you remember that newspaper clipping no you never saw that no I'd love to see it it was like it's like quit quaaludes in the morning cocaine cigarettes a bottle of Chivas that he wouldn't even eat till like 5:00 p.m. he would like wake up and eat and just like eat drugs and drink until like 4:00 or 5:00 p.m. and then he would and then he would start a writing session in like 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning that's when he would begin after like a full day of like an a run of coke and two bottles of Shiva sand like it's an insane list but it was a newspaper clipping that I think someone did an article about it will will [ __ ] will post it for people to see it's insane but like you when you're in the heaviest part of your drinking like what is your what's the daily routine of drinking for scale just so I like know cuz some people are like I drink a lot and they're like I just binge and then I'm done for like until tomorrow evening and then I binge again I feel like that's what most people the Midwest do right in Joel Friday binge all Saturday Sunday they do like you know Sunday Funday and then Monday to Thursday they're like they they just don't drink at all yeah well I mean like you know with this job like being a comedian it's like you know you just have so much time and like I would just take periods off so I would shoot a movie or something and then do like a small tour and I'm like I'm gonna take months off so this summer I had like scattered dates but it was for the most part it was just I just had time yeah so I mean if I was getting after it I mean I would wake up at 5:00 a.m. I'd go to my local diner fine they would start serving at 6:00 a.m. I would have cocktails until my local bar opened at 11:00 a.m. then I would start I would drink it keep drinking until 3:00 p.m. then I would go and take a nap and I would wake up 7:00 p.m. and then drink until last call [ __ ] yeah and I would you know and I wasn't like when I'm in LA it's not like crazy drinking but you know I would get pretty hammered and then uh you know but when I'm in Minnesota it was like if I'm on one I would need three drinks or four drinks just to like kind of get even just to balance out yeah just to go like okay and then I would you know eat and you know have like some water and then you know I would just bar hop and you know how many total drinks do you think a day was like an average if I was on one yeah I mean a 15 to 20 oh [ __ ] and you're not a big guy dude no I remember her saying I've out drank and I mean I'm proud of this I shouldn't be my old security guard I'm one of my tours was a black belt it was six nine and he was from Chicago and he was probably 354 pounds and you and I outrank a guy oh he was so mad [ __ ] and he goes what the [ __ ] and then my other stupid drinking thing was I out drank an Irish wedding so my best friend from third grade it's almost like a sin it insanity some Swedish so my best friends three great I was his best man and I show up at the church and I was like gonna pace myself you know because I have to give a speech eating of the whole thing so 9:00 a.m. I'm at the church his mom goes Nicholas all right let's go and I'm like what what's going on and we were rehearsing and she goes no and she hands me a bottle of Jameson 9:00 a.m. I haven't eaten yet I'm like are you kidding me and she goes Nicholas you're the best man for Robert and I'm like all right so start doing Jameson we drink throughout the entire day and we're just drinking look everybody has a bottle of Jameson's real Saint Paul Minnesota Irish like serious so we drink and we drink and we drink and I would have to start eating and like just trying to pace myself I'd do the speech and I roast everybody have known them my whole life and then we just keep drinking and there's after party and like all this stuff so I went from 9 a.m. to 4 a.m. with his dad as two uncles hardcore Irish and we're in the hotel room we're still drinking and they all just go I got to go to bed and I just go so I won I won I won right I'm the last man standing and they were like yes yes you won and I'm like I'm so happy I beat an Irish [ __ ] idea if I can want to that was the day those are the good days those are in the past I mean we've all had those [ __ ] up insane drinking stories but I think when they linger through your 30s it gets harder and harder to justify them when you're 25 when you tell one of those funny stories people are like yeah that's great it's funny and then you get older and even you get scared of him you're like I can't believe we [ __ ] did that that like wasn't a good idea like when I was 22 or 3 my buddy was at college at Marquette and we were partying at Marquette with the Irish rugby team and they were [ __ ] little it's just insane human beings like just always wanted to fight and drink and fight and drink and this girl we were at her apartment and I remember I was I mean I barely remember but I was so [ __ ] out of it that like I was I picked her up and I was hugging her like by her like legs in her butt like you know like it was picking up and she's like yelling and laughing in the air and I and I [ __ ] fell and she hit her head against the coffee table and everybody was like oh my god and she popped back she's bounced stuff you have fine and we all started laughing and partying and then someone's like go to the bathroom and she goes to the bathroom her ear was split in half in like this way yeah yeah yeah oh my [ __ ] we all had that moment of like oh my god are you dead she was like it is it was like yeah and like in the moment you're like cool but if it happens now it [ __ ] 36 I'm like yeah that's that's like like that if I do that now I'm like done that then I'm like I'm done that's all I got a [ __ ] quit drinking yeah so when those moments happen when you're younger they're easy to justify and then you get older and you're like I don't know 15 20 drinks it's like it's too much oh I mean I cuz every time you do like a physical you know they'd be like to you how much you drink yeah they're like how many drinks you have like a week and I would if I was someone I'd be like 15 to 20 I remember the doctor one time cuz you have 15 to 20 drinks a week and I was like the day and he goes yeah right I go yeah and he was like holy [ __ ] heard that before doc yeah so you know but I mean I'm looking for you know I mean those memories I still even in my forties like I didn't give a [ __ ] man I got like zero Fox tattooed on my yeah I love that arm I was just like we're all your tattoos drunk no I mean a handful of them more but I don't regret any of them I love all of them you know grit nut there's not one real not one close I love them all the hell they all of it greats I mean in my opinion great story but yeah yeah I mean you know drinking is a blast and I'm not gonna be one of those people that's like sober and like oh you know would you know but I just I do just want to tell people that are drinkers like just to kind of especially the older you get like make sure you just get like blood work and just make sure like your pancreas or liver you know what I mean because you know once you go down a road where you can't go back you're [ __ ] so you know and it's not like people drink like I do but there are people that drink heavily when I was in the hospital I would ask I was asking the nurses I'm like oh do a lot of people come in here for drinking and she was like guys come in here with cirrhosis that are like 23 what yeah I mean like and your liver is not even all about you know it's diet too I mean luckily luckily I I always eat really healthy like I gave up dairy years ago I don't know eat sugar you know a lot of people don't know that about me but it's like I don't eat fast food I don't eat you know stuff like that so if you balance it out it really helps oh definitely well the problem is where we come from that doesn't exist right no I mean when I quit dairy I'll go home to Minnesota and it was [ __ ] like I might as well say it said like I don't like air anymore yeah like air is bad it's gross and it's fattening when you quit dairy and you go home they're like what do you eat then you don't have what do you yeah there's one fold you eat what do you have bread well you have pasta with cheese right you're like what I like sneak it and that's like how my parents are like they always go like we don't eat that much red meat I'll be like you just had a burger yesterday my mom is like well well okay yeah I think you just forget what things are cuz that red meat to them is like just a steak yeah I mean like cheese for them is just like slices of cheese you know there's cheese in all the [ __ ] that you eat there's milk in all the [ __ ] that they eat they just don't think about it or care I know and I've got to go home and so it's like no dairy and no drinking so the Minnesota is gonna be very confused but I think people just be glad I'm not not dead [ __ ] dad yeah they're gonna be happy that you're [ __ ] still living thank you oh my god well yeah do you have any like iconic drinking stories with cuz you've like you've embedded yourself in Minnesota Minnesota infamy for sports especially because you're a sports man like with the Vikings and with the twins like have you drank with athletes oh yeah yeah I've drank with everybody I mean Minnesota's like I mean I my last special on Netflix I wore like a corner bar t-shirt was it which is a bar I hang out at Minneapolis am i special and I remember D'Elia was like what are you wearing and I'm aware I was wearing basketball shorts do you know the story yeah I wore showed my Netflix special with a bar a bar t-shirt yeah it's on comedians of the world yeah a bar t-shirt and basketball shorts and shoes with no socks and aleeah's like what are you wearing for your special I'm like this and he goes you're [ __ ] kidding me and I go no what I go who cares what I wear and he goes this you're [ __ ] special I'm like I don't yeah it's about my jokes I don't care what you know and he's like goes on Twitter he's like I'm with [ __ ] Swardson at our Netflix specialty hearing he forgot pants not wearing pants so my god I got neurotic and I ran out of the taping I was like an hour before taping whatever and ran in some like French mall in Montreal and bought pants and even try them on he's just like oh my god but like I wore another bar in st. Paul called plums is one of my home bars I would that t-shirt on The Tonight Show or not Jimmy Fallon show up before the side show but on Jimmy Fallon show I [ __ ] plums t-shirt and everybody's just like what do you like because they true to your [ __ ] though oh yeah I love Minnesota it's my favorite but yeah I've gotten smashed I mean the last the last time I went out are the st. Paul Saints our minor league team won the championship and I met up with that I became friends of them on Twitter and we met up at a bar and they were being honored at the twins game and they were like you got to come with us on the field and I'm like hammered when we were all hammered and I'm like what hey what do you mean they're like leave a jersey for you and the coach is like who the [ __ ] this [ __ ] they're like it's Nick Swardson dude what are you talking about so I got it's on my Instagram you can see the video of them announcing the team I got right over his way third-base I'm a behind Nick Swardson on the crowds like what's so good it was so great was my last hurrah but yeah I mean I had yeah tons of so many drinking stories I mean it was but you managed to keep yourself out of like [ __ ] up trouble you were never like arrested and it was never like dad you hear Swartz I went to jail for [ __ ] no I was never on TMZ I never drank and drove I mean I did one of my 20s was just so stupid but I made a point of like never getting into a car drunk or smart do you own a car do you even have a car no I gave my car up four years ago yeah see I was like you [ __ ] you just get new bird around right yeah I mean I live in West Hollywood yeah where all the three comedy clubs are so it's like wow The Improv the Comedy Store laughs actor there right there yeah and there's a million restaurants you just walk and you know I care about the environment - I need you no pollution [ __ ] I just rather take a [ __ ] yeah you rather take another person's car yeah that makes yeah our helicopter you pollute but I'm gonna get in inside of it you pollute you Paulo not me but I uh yeah Uber's [ __ ] amazing so no it's go it did not look not drinking a driving I'm a big proponent I think it's hard to not have a [ __ ] car in LA I'm always impressed by people that don't do it I heard Jordan Peele didn't have one for the first like five six years that he lived in LA that he just didn't have a license in New York and they moved here and was like yeah I'm not gonna [ __ ] get a card I want to get a car in this city well not having a car is I mean you know a lot of people don't have that luxury but it's like you know I don't have to commute but uh you know it's just it's such a stress like I used to live in Venice Beach which for people who don't know it's on the beach but Hollywood's like without traffic it's like 20 minutes 15 20 maybe but with traffic it can be like 45 to get into how it was a [ __ ] nightmare and so I remember back then I mean it was just this is the stress of driving and I mean I would get road rage like all the time I remember I was really bummed because like the more famous I got nothing I'm that famous but famous they got rumors yeah I mean that's what they ranked you online McGregor family yes it's understandable I didn't want to say it but but I remember I would get bad road rage and odd this car cut me off like really bad like dangerously during the day or driving and I was like this [ __ ] so I just started [ __ ] tailing the car so pissed and I pulled up as it was two lanes then and I pulled up next to it he rolled up my window and I go you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] [ __ ] and they rolling on my nose two chicks they go Nick Swardson oh my god we're such fans and I was like yeah it's like totally diffused me I've had one of those moments of road rage where I was like yelling at a guy and then we got up with this to the like the light together and he looked over I mean he was like doing this thing and he was just a huge dude and I was like what's up what's up no nothing I wasn't I wasn't I pushed out real bye was like oh I would that was significant no not me I was so scared he's gonna come out beat the [ __ ] out of it because in your car like I'm the toughest guy alive oh yeah then once it came down to it you're like I don't get my ass kicked on La Cienega like I get [ __ ] up in front of the Beverly Center yeah and you just don't know what's you know know you don't know what kind of cycle with their [ __ ] what they're up to I want to talk I want to tell you this this is this is insane how old were you when you shot your your half-hour for Comedy Central you were they were you the youngest to ever do a half-hour for Comedy Central so I was like 22 or 23 and then somebody said Bo Burnham was like 22 or summer ever but you were the first for a long time you were the youngest that I had heard of yeah and that was it before like the Internet so I started in the mid 90s where was like we didn't have then or not like we had to let mean you know it was like doing one-nighters and [ __ ] driving your car alone across the country for no money and I mean just stage time I mean it was like grimy - what year was that taping - Comedy Central half-hour I started 96 the half hour was 99 mm right here's what's crazy I had I had that half hour on VHS oh really I loved it dude it was I'm being genuine it was like one of my favorite I remember watching it in college and it was I was I just thought it was the one of the most fun just like seamlessly having a good time while telling jokes comedian that I'd seen because all these comics that I'd seen at the time when I was like getting really deep into comedy a lot of guys like just formulated sets and they were the joke structure and they were you could tell they were like working so hard on being a comedian and that would you your first special was kind of like you having the most fun it looked like you were having more fun than even like the crowd could have and that's why they were like so deep in it with you do you know what I mean it was yeah it was [ __ ] awesome honestly man it was probably one of the best I've ever seen thanks man yeah that was really well received I mean that put me I mean that did everything for me and this executive Chris Young who is still really close friend he fought for me to get that he was like Nick Swardson is ready for a half because I'd done premium blend and some other shows and their likes too young and Chris was like no trust me he he is ready for a half hour and they're like he's [ __ ] 22 whatever I was and Chris is like no he's like I'm booking him and he fought for me and booked it for me and that like that was one thing that really started to change my life because that's when they would air those things like non-stop yeah now they said all those people that started in that era of like me Gaffigan ad Berg Dane Cook Pablo Francisco I mean I'm definitely forget a lot of people but there was so many people that came out of that though those two first seasons do you remember Stephen Lynch yeah of course yeah he was around that time yes he was around that time he blew up off that people that don't know you should look him the [ __ ] up I know he's probably still touring and stuff I talk about him like he's gone but like he just has not in kind of the social zeitgeist as much anymore but back then he would do he would do songs and his songs were so [ __ ] amazing he did stuff with Obon Anthony for years yeah but he was back then and I remember he was another guy that I was like wow dude he's having so much [ __ ] fun it was hard to not get on board of guys that were like having a really good time do you yeah like now comedy is can be a little bit more subversive and a lot of comics now feel like I feel like they're like arduously going through their jokes you know I mean like nothing bothers me more when a comics like what else it's like what else right I mean what else would why are you asking that tell them what else like I I never I never liked that new transition into what's happening it's not everybody but I feel like that was the beginning you guys this class was the beginning of like people having a fuckload of fun and telling jokes do you know what I mean yeah totally it was just this like new energy kind of exploded from all of those young people Pablo - he was [ __ ] good god I mean his energy level was unmatched it's absurd but I think I just think like that was kind of the that was the beginning of a new stage and Aaron comedy you know what I mean and what kind of push you up over the edge huh yeah I mean that changed everything but that you know when I started in 96 comedy was dead I mean I remember they were like comedy clubs were like are you starting it's dead it's over because the 80s had oversaturated the markets so bad so to just to put it so you understand like right now every major city has like one club maybe two they'll have like a be kind of decent room sometimes but still every you know an improv or something Club back in the 80s like a city like Minneapolis st. Paul where I grew up twin cities they had like ten comedy clubs which is [ __ ] insane like now they have to but they just and so it dilutes the the content scene you know you just have people like going on and telling hacky just kind of stupid observational [ __ ] so it just all the clubs started folding and folding and folding and folding so when I started 96 the money was nothing I mean I would get like $150 a week for a whole weekend yeah so I was not the headline but right yeah to emcee I was living with my mom and then the opening act we get like 500 and then the headliner get like 1200 you know and to me that was like only kind of me 12 indoors was that Wednesday Thunder Sunday or Thursday Friday like Tuesday Sunday [ __ ] yeah so it's like you know everybody was dead so the people that started in that generation like really believed in it you know I mean all those people I mean we just struggled and it's like everybody came out of it you know and you know that that scene brought comedy back single-handedly right like those years and those comedians it just was a fresh take it wasn't a guy that I like and my wife is [ __ ] come to you but uh that guy was good no but it was like people that really gave a [ __ ] I mean I remember living in New York with Zach Galifianakis and doing shows and moody shows for nothing like twenty dollars of that yeah it was just like but there was a million chose to be had in New York right there was there was a handful but it was like that was a split thing to of comedy clubs and then the underground scene the alternative movement which came up around the time I started where it was just like not like comedy club like boom boo-boom boo-boom but it was just like taking your time reading your notes trying out stuff right you know not just being a rapid-fire so I kind of fell in a high Davone yeah it's funny cuz I like my introduction to comedy like I said like that was my that was when I like I mean I knew when I was younger that I wanted to do comedy I was so scared and nervous right like that that influence of like when Zach did like live of the purple onion in San Francisco and like that meshed with like what was going on on Comedy Central it was this wonderful hybrid kind of of like the alternative scene whatever the [ __ ] they wanted to call it back then and the club guys they they're kind of was like a meshing of the two was like kind of happening at once and then it's broke apart and it became like a battleground of like them versus them it was like this it got like weird I was caught in the middle of it cuz I was I could do both yeah and yeah it was like the coyote it's so stupid that turn but the alternative comics would be like oh what do you do the road and I'm like yeah I do the road I've got like gigs on the road they're like oh my god you don't want to this coffee house I'm like no it's [ __ ] no I want to make money yeah they would [ __ ] on it and the club comics to be like oh you grew up with a piece of paper which I understand but it was like you know it's just Dom de you know it wasn't like a war like East Coast West Coast was there was guns there's a lot of bloodshed yeah it's noon Gras flow carried in a cage she read her notes before she did it okay press the trigger Oh but yeah it was it was interesting but you know they were both great scenes they both still are but now it's funny because I like when I started in LA I moved here and oh six and it was and I kind of had to go to the alt scene or whatever it was because the club scene was [ __ ] a was dead the Comedy Store was [ __ ] and it was also like really cruel and mean and no one was like receptive there wasn't like knew guys could get around there so like I had to just [ __ ] my [ __ ] around at like coffee shops and [ __ ] and that became like this kind of new hotbed and now years later the clubs and the chronic adult scene how most people are seamless like most people have to do both Brian if you kind of want to be able to bounce all these new things around it's like you go do a show on the west side then you go to a store spot then you go I think that's like the beauty of what's turned out and because comedy is just at this weird bubbling point when like everybody wants to do it I mean even people that are like not comedians are doing it yeah as my fear is like it's be is it are we diluting it again like are we getting close to the to the pop again I don't think so because I think the quality I mean especially like in LA yeah I mean these shows are banger shows an absurd you know there's so many great comics it's like I don't think it'll be diluted because with they aren't opening more clubs right you know what I mean it's not like they're just expanding they're just the shows are just so strong yeah so you know I don't think it's being diluted and especially across the country I mean you know the love is still there when you go to a town where they're super appreciative that you go there we just get spoiled in Los Angeles because in one night on one show there's five or seven headliners that their tickets alone are worth what the entire lineup is worth you know I mean like you did the the when I when you read on Twitter someone's like what yeah for all the I you know that's like a thousand dollar ticket yeah but they get it for $20 or whatever I think we just get so inundated with it and LA people get so much of it that it's sometimes it's just it's it's a mindfuck yeah go back to st. Paul it's like when it's one comical weekend and that's it otherwise probably dark right I mean other than local show yeah for the most part yeah it's headlining our opening act what was your home club what did you start Acme comedy company in Minneapolis that's right that's a great [ __ ] Club gray Club undergrads like an underground low yeah it's like what comedy should be it's really intimate and I guess but I remember I did his show and people don't believe me this is a real show I did parlor I'm Melrose when J I bet she's running yeah and I was like I had some new material so I'm like I'm gonna stop by the parlor so I stopped by and I'm like hey Jay can you throw me on and I'm not something that wears out my welcome like I'll just you know I'm like I just need like 15 minutes right maybe like yeah okay and so I jumped on and the crowd was pretty stoked and then general Tosh showed up and they threw him on II did 15 minutes then Dane Cook showed up and they threw him I needed 15 minutes then Chappelle showed up and then he did like a half hour and the crowds like what the [ __ ] is happening right now like and it was a free show yeah and like nobody we didn't get paid or anything it's just working out material but the guys just like I mean that's like $1,000 ticket easily yeah and it was at a sports bar across the street from like halfway the world literally across from after the world of comedy hell it doesn't make it doesn't make any sense the fact that that's a reality and the fact that they feed that kind of it's like that dream of winning the lotto to Americans you know how like every Amaris Peschel ii like back where we're from it's like I know like our family members that never not play the lottery like that that's it's like they have to play it every week that's one good thing to do that's the same idea that they put in people's heads about you know about like you know who might show up you never know like you never some people they're like I have to I want to go that's what I think regulars go to the clubs because they're like what if Chappelle comes and does two hours in the belly room which [ __ ] hat actually happens yeah like it does happen which is I guess I think the the beauty of the scene that I think a lot of New York people I talk to are like that's the big difference is it just doesn't happen as much over there it does here well the Comedy Cellar it does yeah but the Omni southern New York I mean they just I mean a good that's a good to be expected at you know I mean at a comedy club right you're in LA well yeah I mean I'm you know a sports bar you're not gonna think like why would and why would they right yeah but here there's something about the culture that feels like somebody hears you did it then Tosh is like Oh sports is over I'll probably just I'll probably pop over there yeah you know I mean like it feels like it kind of like it breeds its own success rate at places like that now you feel like that doesn't happen as much in New York yeah I think Gaffigan is popping over to the [ __ ] you know some local corner bar I mean he's on the road like 24/7 cus I've known Jim since I started I was certain comics I'm like like I can do it like and scattered like isolated dates right or like I'll plan like a tour you know but then I look at like Sebastian Gaffigan even to Leah where I'm like what the [ __ ] like without Instagram I just see like constant tour dates yeah it's like boom boom boom I'm like I mean tunings [ __ ] exhausting I mean that's one reason like why kind of crashed in the summer I just my body you know when you go into different time zones and altitudes and you know your agents like care but they kind of don't like they would book me they don't care maybe like alright you got a show in Miami then you're in Connecticut then you're in Aspen and I'm like what and it's like back to back yeah well I'm like you know you're that like sea level and also at 8,000 feet the next night you know and you're like you're in the Himalayas the night before your scuba diving there's an underground club we want you to there's a Laugh Factory on Everest buddy will you come to Everest come on its brand new I give you good right Jaime the owner of the club he would pitch that by the way that would be something he's like check it out buddy new club brand new club inside a volcano they have meetin forehand meet them for hands yes I think I think they do care about the travel but it's hard it's hard and I think the thing this is what I'm interested in to for you is like the balance of like when you come home do you ever feel like you're like do you ever feel like it's home or sometimes like home feels stagnant too cuz you're like I don't I've been on the road or bouncing around so much that when you're home it almost feels uncomfortable like it isn't as peaceful as you want it to be I mean yes and no I mean that's why I never really did local sets I mean I am now cuz I'm trying to build up a new hour yeah but I mean for a while I was like the club's would like hit me up non-stop and people be like hey do you wanna do my show and I'm like now like I just got off the road yeah I like see a movie right or something there's good wasted but um get wasted and then see a movie yeah I think most comics don't do that though most comics don't like to take a break yeah I mean there's certain comics I mean they're just machines I was just always laid back I mean if anybody's seen my shows they're late but I mean I bring a piece of paper still on stage I like to put it down under bottle of water and I think people have this weird negative connotation with that but it's it's not gives a [ __ ] it doesn't matter if the jokes are still good it's not like that's gonna change the performance aspect I think people's have this kind of like vaudevillian thought that like you come out and you're this like great amazing act and like you're putting on this gym they want to be like oh oh oh oh like all that thing ya know this is still this is always going to be this work in progress like the the thing that people that love comedy love is that like they're watching you grow this thing with them yeah and then if you put it on TV or wherever the [ __ ] that's the final product yeah and a lot of people don't realize that realizes like you know comedy still at this I mean I've done a twenty three [ __ ] years it's still trial by error you know what I mean or whatever the [ __ ] trial by fire what is it either works trial by error fire I mean we can't ok vote right here click this for trial by which so whatever the [ __ ] trial by diagram but um you know it's like you have to like work on your material so it's like you have to do it on stage yeah like you can't you know comedians don't stand in front of mirror so it's like you know when [ __ ] bombs I mean I had some [ __ ] semi clunkers the other night last weekend and then I was just like all right right point taken on that one I need tweak it or you dump it or whatever I mean usually like if I think it's funny I'll tell it and then have people catch up to it have you ever bombed on a TV set yeah I had yeah I did I've got like at like one of those just for laughs like Gala's room now I um well there's two stories this wasn't a bomb but I did The Tonight Show Jay Leno way back in the day and I [ __ ] killed it was awesome right and the Booker's were like use my set as like the standard of like hate how you do it and it was really cool and then the second time I did it I was a little bit more confident and I totally spaced my first joke I mean literally a second and I walk out I'm like what is my first joke this is live on the air um did you say out loud what's my first yeah then I go oh my god and I go well at least I'm not on The Tonight Show and then I go my mom's watching just horrified and then it came to me and I was like oh here's a joke and the audience laughs and then I told the joke I went fine but it was one of those moments where I was like were you going what were you boozing now did you ever booze on TV performances or no um cuz I don't you not really I've been hung over for them right but you don't drink before you get on stage oh I have yeah but for TV stuff I mean for TV stuff now the drunkest I've ever been was uh way back again it was a show called late Friday do you remember late Friday I mean I know it I know of course I wasn't [ __ ] it came on after Conan yeah and it was just a stand-up show you know they would have five comics and I mean this is 15 years ago and and so they did this which many shows make this mistake where they have an open bar so me and Paul F Tompkins and Mary Lynn Rajskub McKee remember who else was on the show but who's really strong lineup and we show them they go our call time our show up time to get in a hair makeup was four hours before the taping four hours with a open bar so we're all like [Music] so we all just get obliterated so I walk onstage drunk with a cocktail and [ __ ] doom I said it's fine you know what I mean but it was just like these shows that do that and they quickly stop doing that because of our taping cuz of you he might have done one more where they did it and they're like okay let's not yeah let's not do that but to say when I bombed like bombed yeah my buddy Jordan Rubin was working for Carson Daly yeah he's great I know yeah Kars is a good dude and he was doing I was gonna say Jordan I don't [ __ ] know Carson okay he's here well he's a really good guy okay his talk show and they would have comedians and Jordans like hey what you do is set and I'm like now man it wasn't like 2:00 in the morning and I'm like no I'm good and he's like due to be really solid if like I put you know if I could put you on and I'm like I don't want to do it and he's like just come on so I'm like okay all right fine I'll do him a favor so I do that I walk out I'm doing my set and I tell my first joke and it [ __ ] eats it and I'm like and I mean like eat it and then I do another one and it [ __ ] bombs and I just go and I turned to Carson who's at his desk I'm like really really I turn the crowd I'm like really this is and I see Jordan and like I'm this is on and I'm like oh my god so I just like phone and the rest of the side of the crowd was just stupid not that I'm a genius but I am no but what I know but I was like they just it was just a tank job and I was just I got off stage and I was like what the why the [ __ ] did I do that I knew it's gonna be bad Jordan was like sorry about that god damn it you have that tape it's gotta be somewhere and I don't want to find those talos the tapes I want to find so bad when people bomb and they're like I don't even know where that thing is I want to see those yeah I remember one time I was at the Comedy Cellar in New York and this is when the old Conan O'Brien is tape in New York and I was hanging out at the Comedy Cellar and they have a restaurant above the club and all the comedian's like you're on Conan tomorrow and I'm like yeah and they're like you should run your set and I'm like nah man I got it down it's good and like now you should run it like David town might be blocking with you and they're like dude you should you should run it the host is like you want to run it and I'm like no I'm good man and they're like you should do it if it's tomorrow you should run your set so I go [ __ ] all right fine so I go and when you run a TV set you've got to time it out so it's like you can't interact with the audience you just gotta like do your jokes so in New York and up a lot of clubs it's like the audience is weirded out if you just go up especially in New York so I just go on I'm just like I'm about doing my jokes tanking horribly and I'm like none of this is funny none of this is funny to the crowd is snap and they were like no I'm like one guy then the comedians are laughing in the back of the room I'm like and so I'm like this is gonna be on Conan tomorrow cuz I'm [ __ ] TV and it's not funny [ __ ] you and I just keep telling my jokes is keep bombing and I'm like [ __ ] this storm offstage I go back upstairs and people are like how'd it go and I'm like I [ __ ] hate you I hate all of you and I just want let's taping one fine but it was really that's just them looking to bury you they want to get in your [ __ ] head well now they were just like having fallen it was just you know they didn't want to like hurt me no but they just wanted like you're lying they want to hurt they wanted to kill you they wanted you dead how did you how was your how did you end up what was the meeting point of you becoming close with Sandler and like getting in it could becoming friends with him and like being a part of like his world that was off that Comedy Central special really the first one yeah so they had you know like they had replayed it and he was in bed with his wife and they were just channel surfing and they stopped on my special and they watched it and he wrote my name down and he went to the office he goes who is this kid and they were like oh that's Nick sports is a young comic and he goes I want to meet him so he called his manager and they were like yeah we represent him he was I was with the same management company and so my manager calls me he goes Adam Sandler wants to sit down with you I'm gonna go what [ __ ] he talking about and he goes he wants to meet you I know why and he goes I don't know he just apparently saw your stand-up so I go into his office just me [ __ ] dumb kid from Minnesota and I'm like what's up man and you're saying he didn't and he goes I saw your special me and my wife and I wrote your name guys like really funny and I go thanks man I got a huge fan I got a part of my sensibility I grew up on your sensibility and he has a high school at school and he is I have a movie called Grandma's Boy and I go OK because I heard you're a writer and I go yeah because I started doing jokes about your grandma and I go yeah and he goes we have a scripts pg-13 romantic comedy but we don't want that we want it hard are and we'd like you to do a rewrite on it you can write yourself into the movie any part you wants create a part for you so I read the script it was you know not great it just wasn't my thing was a broad pg-13 romantic pony so I did a full page one rewrite and me and Alan covert it was a star and I sat down and created the robot guy and all the crazy [ __ ] and you know the rest was history and then Alan and Adam read it and they loved it and you know they were you know obviously a huge part of it and we just collaborated on this movie and they you know came out the way it came out bombed at the box office horribly as most great comic yeah a lot of good comedy said I knew what was going to I'm like no one's gonna we did it they didn't know how to market it or whatever so then after that Salmons like okay we'll have this movie idea called Benchwarmers and then I did that and then he's like I wanted to jump on my movies and I started working on his movies and then we just hit it off because he's like a really down-to-earth like chill dude diarrhea and so am I so it's like we just feel like just sports fans and you know just chill yeah and dudes Grandma's Boy was the beginning though that was the great art of like yeah with me and Adam are you friends with anybody on like everybody from that film they stayed close yeah I mean we're all still friends Joel David Moore who played the robot guy he lives like right up the street yeah he does I just had lunch with him he's a really close friend I still run into Jonah every once in a while I haven't seen Linda you know in a minute but yeah we're all close that's great it's funny because like a lot of people do those like that Hollywood thing with like it's like a family I mean we all like [ __ ] we love each other but sometimes you do work with people where you're like this is almost kismet that we all came together cuz we do all get along and they like everyone has good chemistry and you click right and kind of like yeah it's nice when it happens like Sandler's formulated his universe that way which is you know if anybody's doing it right that guy [ __ ] did it right he's like I'm just gonna put nan [ __ ] in life like I'm gonna work with people I wanna well yeah if you have an ego I mean a lot of people wonder that they're like what is the same people and he's like and I'm like because he doesn't want to be around [ __ ] douchebags if you're if you show any kind of the characteristic like that you know he's just like I don't want to be around that and a lot of people aren't I mean people always ask me like who's biggest [ __ ] and I'm I mean really I haven't really met that many [ __ ] everyone's pretty pretty cool no but it's true but it is true in Hollywood I like I've done enough things with different people that like I learn you're like oh dude there are a lot of egos so I get why certain people don't want to work with other people anymore because it's just like a clashing of personalities and it would be right like imagine if anybody walked off the street and you had to pick 15 random people to work with some of those [ __ ] people you're not gonna get along with that's just nature you don't even rise so in film there's it's in TV it's the same thing in film it's like who knows like so when you can control universe like he does why wouldn't you [ __ ] pick people that you are like I like these guys they do the right thing and they don't [ __ ] up and you know I mean like did Sandler ever have a moment like were you partying on set when he was and was like you got a cool it the [ __ ] out I mean he would he was less than thrilled with like cuz he knew I was a big drinker and right I mean I would I would never really carry it over and to you know what we did I mean you know aside from maybe one or two hiccups but you know it was just you know I always just told him like he just lived in a different world than I did you know what I mean so it was like as much as being him are the same you know he's got a family he's a great husband you know he oversees like so much an entire company that's Multi multi a hundred million dollar company you know so he's just got so much on his plate where I'm like I gotta like a week off like I'm gonna get hammered and watch sports you know what I mean so it's like he could never understand that you know yes so it was just we came from two different worlds in that respect what were the hiccups you want to say tell me now I mean that's between me I mean nothing bad no you just have slipped up and he got [ __ ] yeah I mean he would just feel like Jesus Christ Nick but you know I always delivered and I always you know when we were tour was stand-up I would drink sometimes and you know it would never there was never a disaster you know I'm not even close but you know there would be times where there was one time when we were filming this movie just go with it yeah and there was a ton of people in the movie and Dan Patrick you know he's yeah Dan Patrick yeah he's the best big sports a caster he's spanning SPN anyway so dance I'll be the like the day off so it was like a Friday night and uh home to dance like you want to go get a drink on my cat so we're filming on Maui then we go to Tommy Bahama's was like the bar close to the hotel where they show the shirts yeah really they sell the shirts so I showed up shirtless with no shoes and board shorts so they're like you can't be in the bar so I walked to the clothing store but I'm talking about Alma shirt and shoes looked like whatever so Dan I went through a phase where I was doing these shots mind erasers oh my god yeah so I was like explain to people what a mind eraser a mind eraser is in like a cocktail glass like a rock slow bass yeah like that like this yeah exactly like that and I can't even remember it's like Kahlua um I can't remember the ingredients vodkas vodka Kahlua and like one other there's something else there's one sweetener in there there's like a yeah I'm sweet in there that's triple sec but no it's something that whatever so what you do is to put straw in and you [ __ ] just suck the whole thing down and it's called on the mind eraser for a reason yeah so me and Dan are doing mind erasers and we're going back and forth and we do like four or five and I'm like another mind eraser and Dan's like I'm done dude I'm gonna get like a beer so I do like five more mind erasers so now I'm obliterated so I stumble out of the bar and then I [ __ ] lose my phone somehow cut to I wake up on a putting green sprinklers I'm like so it's like 6:00 in the morning and I'm like what the [ __ ] something where am I am I'm Jurassic Park like I'm looking around so I'm like holy [ __ ] so I find a road and I'm like no idea where I am mind erased and I hail a car it's driving up I'm like hey hey hey I'm like where am I I'm like you know where this hotel is and the guys like yeah it's like a mile and a half that way and I'm like thank I can I get a ride and the guys like no I just drove away I'm like alright so to start walking down the road and then Adams assistant pulls up and I'm like [ __ ] so he goes hey man what are you done why you up so early and I go it's going for a run man it's getting some air working out you know and he's like oh that's awesome he goes you work out and why do you work out and tommy bahama stuff and i was like you know that's why you know just keep festive and he's like all right do you want to ride back and I'm like then I to go with it I'm like nah man I'm not done with my walk and he's like oh that's really cool man oh oh boy kinda like suck up a mile and a half walk but uh did you ever admit to them that you were [ __ ] out I didn't cuz I mean you know it didn't affect anything but then Patrick Thoreau's me under the bus on his show he's interviewing Sandler and he got the story wrong so we're talking about drinking his dan can drink a lot he's a good drinker and he goes yeah yeah I remember swarthy and just go with it he was drinking and Adams like yeah and he goes yeah I never one time he passed down a sand trap and he showed up on set and it's sand in his hair and I was like yeah and I'm listening I'm like what the [ __ ] I didn't do that I texted Dan I'm like dude what are you doing I didn't do that he goes it was something like that though and I'm like yeah but it wasn't I didn't show up on it's like I wouldn't be that unprofessional his telephone for sure it was nuts man that was crazy that day yeah Dan don't [ __ ] don't embellish my story yeah that's happens when you drink that they got out of control and sometimes people tell a story that you sometimes people tell me a story that I'm like what happened cuz after enough times I would forget sometimes I'm Ryan think that's what happened but I guess like now dude you did it was awesome like a buddy of ours got left in Mexico and the story has grown like a bunch of different ways like he literally fell asleep in the back of a [ __ ] 15 Paz van and when we all got dropped off at this resort he was passed out and we legitimately forgot about him and he got brought to the guy's house that owns the van and woke up at the guys house was a but like the variations have been like yeah dude and any like walked into the house I heard you see like laid down in a bed in the house and and the guy tried to fight him and he fought like it's just it just gets inflated until someone like that's not half a duty walk home sad through the [ __ ] desert but that I mean that's that's part of the game of like when you get [ __ ] up those stories are gonna get pushed around but luckily you didn't do I've never heard one bad story about you I've never heard one where you're like Swardson really [ __ ] up it's bad he did he did the thing you know what I mean like he ya know I was always super chill I mean I would just you know I mean there's so many scenarios where I would find myself in those kind of situations where I'm like where am I like what the [ __ ] I mean I remember back in the day when I was first coming up after my first special Aaron Auer dude colleges and I would like join frats like I would like you know they'd be like everywhere having a party and we would all just go and print rage and they'd be like do you want to like join our friend I'm like yeah and I would do like part of their initiation and that's like I just you know it was a blast but I remember there was one rides like chug like a bottle of Crown Royal for like 20 seconds it's like [ __ ] long 20 SEC that's the whole but that's like the bottle it was like yeah it was a long [ __ ] time that's insane he's one of the worst hangover CI bar floor the airport barbed oh you barked often was that your did you puke all the time I didn't I would always puke the morning after I was never like a you know I wish I was like puke at the end of the night at least get that [ __ ] out of you I never puke even when I drank way too much I don't puke which is sucks I wish I did yeah but I just can't do it some people it's like that's the idea and then they clean up I just hold it it just doesn't come out man yeah that's bad I hate it because I think everyone I know that pukes they feel like they clip there they're good again but if I puke yeah I know people I'm way worse if I throw if I throw up it's it's like a two-day I'm [ __ ] yeah I mean that's why we'd go on these things where it was like I wouldn't let the hangover hit me so I would wake up like still buzzed right and I would just run it back keep drinking yeah so it was like I know people would be like holy [ __ ] and I was friends with it you know still um but like a lot of drinkers where we would kind of you know like Dave Attell and God you know he quit but like Doug Stanhope is a huge drinker still he's yeah and like I would always touch base with him already playing and like guys were you know it was like we were like like drinkers I mean and a lot of those guys are getting clean I think the new generation of guys is like so many people are getting sober now I was saying that a lot of people are how many people are getting sober it's really it's really hurting the brand of the show to be honest with you but so many people and I have that I'm friends with you know or the or they got sober and I'm it's just it's been how I know them now for every like Bobby Lee was Bobby's been sober for a long time but like guys like that that like that's all they did years ago it was party so [ __ ] hard and they had to stop you know what I mean yeah it just was a it was a forced you know forced thing wasn't a choice yeah once you get that [ __ ] memo which I did when I was in the hospital was just like all right here's the deal like your body's just like you want to keep doing this like it's you know and I just I realized at that point cuz the doctor was like you know if you want you can drink cuz I have friends that have I went through a similar type of thing and they went back to drinking the doctors like you can but it's gonna come back worse and you could die like that [ __ ] that and I was just like okay I'm not [ __ ] doing that you know what I mean because you're so young like you don't want to I mean oh I feel like if it's if this happened at 75 I'd be like [ __ ] it ya know for sure I wasn't better but at 43 and it's you know it's just it's not worth it to young I mean my a good family a family friend without saying anything but she passed away at 40 years old from cirrhosis cirrhosis yeah right yeah and the doctors when she went in was like you've got like 2 or 3 months to go this thing is like really it's shutting down by an a daily basis right and they're like this is like this is of an alcoholic who's been drinking for like 40 plus years he's like the comparison and photography was like this looks like a thing that we've seen for someone who drank for so long for so many and like twice your age yeah I mean it's just like it and it does it cut it gay it even gives like on a peripheral it gives me like a weird like I should be a little bit healthier and slow down drinking not like I think I'm there but like you just sometimes those things make you go [ __ ] man even friends like if you felt other friends their habits or attitude a lot of people got freaked out nobody knew what was happening because I didn't have a phone right so nobody knew I was just all the sudden I was just off social media yeah so my fans were like um and then my friends so I was my birthday was in the hospital so these people were texting me and like on social media and I'm my phone happy birthday love eating all this stuff but I never got it responded so in everybody's like people just started to panic and then when they found out I came home and I told them everybody like a lot of my friends were like oh [ __ ] if that happened to Nick even though I was worse than everybody but you know a lot of my friends still were heavy heavy drinkers yeah a lot of them kind of like panicked a little bit and cut back or quit I mean I that I feel like that's been happening and I see it happening more and more in the comedy community and like last night da Marrero said this he was just like you know he had a health scare or health incident happen to him and he was like it's just [ __ ] up that we have open bar like our whole career is open bar yeah like yeah that is a weird thought to think like no other job is like open bar totally cool to do this every night like whatever the way you want now you get caught up and it's just so easy I mean again it's so funny I just I had a blast I mean I just do you feel healthier now do you feel like oh yeah I'm sure I know I wake up at like 7:00 a.m. I have like a whole routine with like juices and vitamins and not like all this stuff and I mean I love it you know you have to be on medication now for the rest of your life yeah I'm on a [ __ ] like forty different pills no no I don't take any meds or anything nothing no to recover your insides is all it's like all just gonna it's all vitamins Wow it's all stuff I mean that's the great thing about the human body is it does regenerate the liver does and my pancreas is now back to normal and it's you know but it's you've got to like eat healthy and you've got to monitor your vitamins I mean you know I got blood work done and I've got a great doctor and you know he walked me just through all this stuff to take which I already I mean I took it anyway but just a couple other things I mean like I take acupuncture which is amazing yeah that's just good yeah it's really great I love the way I feel the first time it freaked me out a little bit like I felt so weirdly different that I was like ooh this is like scary how much this did with so little like acupuncture isn't from a tangible standpoint you don't feel like it's doing that and then you're done and you're like holy [ __ ] I feel it really does if you go to somebody that really knows what they're doing right it's like anything like a masseuse or anything with it if you go to someone that's really in tune like my dude is like this [ __ ] he's studied with like monks and like all this stuff like overseas and all this crazy [ __ ] but uh yeah I mean it's it's crazy yeah he'll put a needle in my like in between my toe and I'm like ah I'm like what is that he goes that's a pressure point for your kidneys I'm like that bad but it was like all this stuff and then he would put my liver and like and you could feel your body pull the pin in or the needle yeah and I'd be like what the [ __ ] and he's like your body's grabbing it because it needs to release pressure because it's under so much stress and I'd be like [ __ ] it's really it's like yeah it is magic it's pure [ __ ] it's incredible it's like it is voodoo [ __ ] where you're like I I do see how like like some people don't can't don't want to do it don't get into it cuz like I don't know what is it gonna do the same way like my dad's never had a massage that's all I commit West my father's like um like letting someone put their hands all over right it's like that old school like now my wife that's goofball [ __ ] I ain't doing that so yeah it does really I like I highly suggest it and especially now that you're like now that you're trying to like kind of get back to square one do you feel like you're writing in your comedy is getting more like centered and stronger you're not like floating a little bit and like because I feel like when you're party and you're drinking any of us I'm not writing as much like I'm just not producing as much yeah I mean you know I mean I'm definitely more focused on doing sets I was set tonight it's that last night of the weekend I mean I'm like back in the grind of yeah you know writing and stuff you're building an hour yeah but I mean you know like that's what I liked about having that dichotomy of like working as a stand-up and writing and then I like I wanted a month or two off or it was like I want to watch sports I don't want to like deal with Hollywood [ __ ] it's like I've been in the grind for so long and it's like I mean that to me is like where problems happen with like executives and networks and like pitching ideas and they're like I don't get it and people always like how can we don't do more movies and more TV stuff and it's like it's so [ __ ] hard pictures show every year yeah and I posted online like so many shows I've created where people like I don't get it and you're just at the mercy of you know I mean these this [ __ ] so you know after a while you're like [ __ ] this I'm gonna drink for a month and watch baseball you know you need the relief yeah it's like you want to have a life like I don't want to be just I mean that's why I love stand-up comedy it's like what I say goes like no one there's no executive going like I don't get that you know like how many people said I don't get gay robot when we created gay robot it was awesome pilot and you can find it on YouTube it's so [ __ ] funny it was so ahead of its time and they tested it and they you know they have a thing where they test pilot so you they shoot a pilot and they have a room of people that will watch it like 40 people and they'll be like the labid buzzer of things that make him laugh and them things they don't like and so they tested in a room full of 40 young men like in their 20s which was my demographic when the show was created and they were all like guys shows too gay so they were all like insecure and couldn't just laugh so they're all in a room with each other and nobody want to be like yeah it's funny in any book we [ __ ] we're some stupid [ __ ] so the show just got killed right they just were like oh now we can't do it I'm like you can't just stand this show on its own and stand by it it's funny and it wasn't anti-gay like at all it was just like it wasn't silly it was so fun it was just like you know this likeable character and you know so it's just it's frustrating it's [ __ ] so people that are listening you know so many people me and included just you know you create as much as you can and you're just at the mercy of people like yeah like did you create Terry or did they come up with that for Reno I created Terry right so you've created most of your I create almost a hundred percent of what I do she's not a big fan of doing stuff I mean I do other people [ __ ] like blades of glory and this would be 30 minutes or less which is awesome you know I'll do other people's stuff if it's like I trust the directors and the people involved right as the roof of Reubens will be right yeah I love it when Fletcher did 30 minutes allows me Danny McBride Jesse Eisenberg Ozzy it was great that was really fun man it's so underrated but uh you know it's just you you know you try as best as you can to create stuff and then people it's such a broken record I mean that's I was gonna retire I was like I just might go from the health scare you were like I'm gonna no no no just in general I mean I was like kind of over a lot of [ __ ] before like at the beginning of the summer I was kind of like I'm gonna take the summer off and like I just want to like watch sports and just hang out with my friends well you say retire like you mean only do stand-up and [ __ ] the other stuff I was gonna like I'd toyed with the idea of like just I don't know moving to Hawaii and like writing a book or just something different yeah is that what you think you'd do if you stopped I mean I will like later on in life like right now I've got another TV show idea which I might just shoot on my own should that's what I think I'm gonna do I talk to my director from Grandma's Boy and I was like let's just [ __ ] shoot this thing and then show it to people and then they'd be like oh okay right who shot Grandma's Boy oh this guy Nick Goosen oh yes right you're that's you two old friends right yeah he's got some fun with them I was on my way here ya know that I think that's the move though now is to just give them the product it's just so much better in at least worst case scenario you film either a pilot or just like a teaser yeah or something worse case no you just throw it on YouTube and it lives on YouTube it'll be great for that my buddy Matty Matheson just did that who's a Canadian I know man yeah he [ __ ] just put his show off cuz he was like [ __ ] this Vice wanted to do their thing with him again and he was like no disrespect but like I just want to do it my way yeah and that's why he just put his show just a dash up cuz he was like I just I'm gonna shoot this myself then because different people had different opinions about it and he was like III okay nevermind so they just funded it shot it put it up and now it's like doing super well online he was like I'm just gonna do that yeah cuz that's my audience anyway he's like what am i fishing for a network to brand it with their [ __ ] that I don't maybe like or doesn't represent me anyway but I think that's the hardest thing is like where does it go and someone's like you might as well just make [ __ ] on your own yeah I mean you know it's just super frustrating I've seen it happen with you know a million people by like working with Sandler I would see executives like I don't get that I'm gonna get this scene and everybody likes it yeah I'd be like it's pretty [ __ ] funny me and Sam gonna be like no no no this is funny now it goes like bah bah bah I need to explain and they're like yeah but any of you like what the [ __ ] you get so that's like whether or not you like Adam Sandler now he's still Adam Sandler you don't even like he has a viewpoint he has a sense of humor he has a style again whether you like it or not he still knows what he's doing yes you know a nice I mean I think he's [ __ ] hilarious he's it's like he's a genie he's just somebody I can't meet so you just step away and let him do his thing it's like you know South Park like guys like that we couldn't chappal did his show it's like take somebody's creative vision and just let them do it yeah and just like you don't have to a lot of executives and so if you like they have to give a note or they have to be like well what if we changed this and they just do it just so they feel like they're a part of it right it's not really helping the project no no you know what I mean well I hope the next [ __ ] TV show that you're pitching I hope it's independently you know received by someone that doesn't [ __ ] step on your toes and get in your way and [ __ ] yeah I mean you know we're just figuring that out now I mean right now I'm just focusing on stand-up and nailing are you touring I I have two shows the end of December Minnesota and then I'm doing scattered dates in the spring and I'm doing a monster tour in the fall of 2020 yeah so I was supposed to do a big tour in the spring but it's like nah it's just not ready and my agents like no let's go I'm like I don't have a name I've no artwork I don't have a new hour I've got maybe 30 minutes you know maybe 35 right so it's I wanted I wanted to be strong once you're honest yeah I mean I just don't I don't want to do that to my fans of where you know I want to do a fresh hour when it was tricky because I had a new hour and the Netflix was like we'll give you a half hour so I'd already toured with an hour so now I have a half hour but now I have a half hour of stuff I've already toured with alright so it's like kind of tricky so if you see me on tour I might have some stuff that you might have seen before but it's a part of the new hour if that makes sense it's happening yeah so like don't be too upset acne in December no I'm doing Treasure Island Casino Treasure Island Casino in December who shows 2728 and then a spring tour and then a massive Fall Tour of 2012 yeah good man and this summer I'm just gonna [ __ ] Oh what are you gonna do dude hi I'm steal a helicopter I remember this is a true story this is such a booze story me and my friends our party in San Diego and it was the last night I would throw out the first pitch at a Padres game some you know my friends went down hammered and my buddy goes um dude let's go to Tijuana do you want to Mexico's right over the border and I go all right how are you getting there and he goes I don't know and I go should you got a helicopter and he goes yeah I guess I know a dude like ok so he calls this guy there's like four of us calls this guy and I puts me on the phone oh my god sup yeah I want a helicopter Tijuana guys like I it's gonna be like 12 grand I'm like alright and then I get the phone back and then one of my friends thank God just goes hey what are we doing I don't think we should do this and I was like what and he's like I really don't this is a [ __ ] horrible idea and then I like kind of had that moment of lucidity you know where I was like oh yeah what the [ __ ] I took the phone back I'm like we'll call you back we'll call you back I don't know let's hang up the phone it's just like what she took one guy to go we're not that's it yeah I don't think Tijuana Nick Swardson dies with friends at the border I mean she's like that Jimmy think guard well I'm also glad you're not dead in real life cuz you're a treasure and I'm I love you and I'm happy that you're alive and healthy yeah thanks man I love you too and uh thank you for coming and doing this of course dude and telling your truth to your hospital truth your heart it's very nice yeah so just if you're out there be careful please figure out you should be out there you should be out there and be careful um I'm gonna turn off the camera do you want to say one thing to the camera one last phrase go ahead and do it I came up with this on my own god bless us all everyone in here we Paul [Music] during the ginger sturdy jinja's a [Music] beautiful music I like changers [Music]

Channel: Andrew Santino

Views: 214,549

Rating: 4.8697619 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, comedy central, podcast, whiskey ginger, whiskey ginger podcast, andrew santino, funny, the fighter and the kid, joe rogan, joe rogan experience, tfatk, bill burr, bobby lee, chris delia, your mom’s house podcast, tom segura, bryan called, stand up comedy, bert kreischer, the red rocket, all things comedy, nick swardson, reno 911, cheeto santino, santino, gay robot, adam sandler, grandmas boy, stand up, who farted

Id: _JG-pFEPCmE

Length: 82min 24sec (4944 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 01 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/padawangenin]

Oh boy

[u/Lallana_Del_Rey4]

Can't wait to give this a listen, should be hilarious.

I loved nick when he was on with Theo