Whiskey Ginger - Lil Dicky - #071

what up whiskey ginger fans welcome back to the show of this is your first time joining us welcome thank you so much please subscribe down here or down there I don't know which way it is please go and rate us give us five stars leave a nice comment do all that good stuff let us know what you like about the show we appreciate it you spreading the whiskey ginger word around town if you want to know where I am around your town go to Andrew Santino calm for tour dates right now I'm gonna Detroit Michigan tomorrow night I'm in Atlanta Georgia then next week I'm in Philly which is the hometown of our very special guest a little dickie then after that I go to Chicago then I go to Connecticut then I go to Cincinnati and Cleveland of course I end that month next month with the skank fest in Houston with all those wild out-of-control people of course the rest of the dates are up at Andrew Santino comment to be going to Miami in Seattle and Portland and we're adding dates like Houston and Dallas 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which is convenient because everybody is on these things anyway you can make it yourself you can do it yourself you can create it yourself or you can use help that they give you which i think is incredible because i'm not good at that stuff so you can blog publish you can promote shows you can announce upcoming events birthdays whatever you whatever you need really Squarespace is the spot to do it it's incredible it really is so easy to use and I highly highly highly recommend using Squarespace of all the other website creators that are out there they seem to be the most user friendly that has it's great customer service and they're awesome with one-on-one stuff so they can help you out get your business get your website get whatever you need online started and off the ground do yourself a favor head go to squarespace.com slash whiskey that's squarespace.com slash whiskey for a free trial when you're ready to launch your page use the offer code whiskey like we always do pretend percent off your first purchase of a website or domain once again squarespace.com create that website use the code whiskey get yourself ten percent off ladies gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth I say that for all my guess but I mean it once again today very sincerely it is Dave Byrd aka lil Dicky aka the Philly phenom the juicy Jew the ketamine King no you don't use drugs say no to drugs ya don't have introduce I'll of you thank you so much for coming cheers you to you Cheers a nice yeah remember in the as luck or if it's bad luck otherwise actually you know why that is no tradition because if you're not looking someone in the eyes when you cheers it means you might have done something to the drink oh the level of dishonest like crossing the finger behind your back interesting that's amazing whether this is high-end whiskey very good whiskey right mmm I only get I would only brought out the good jazz you know I've never even had whiskey like I didn't know what like if I even liked whiskey until about six months ago I never had a night where like I drank whiskey and I did one night like a Saturday night it was the time of my life but then the next day I was incredibly hungover what do you when we went out what do you usually have a week I don't have like a go to like when I'm at a bar like I feel like it's pathetic that I every time I order drunk at a bar I still have to sit there and think every time I sit there and thinking what did you do when we were in Vegas would you have him we were in Vegas probably like a tequila soda lime or something I don't even like it I don't like any of it it was me up to me I'd get like what's the hot toddy you know everybody get a hot toddy now you can't why not hot water is always accessible that's at any bar they have a hot water thing and I've gotten looks okay what about this this is incredible so just ask for high-end I'll give you a list of high-end Bourbons and whiskey's that you can ask for that you just ask for one or two cubes in there what about the hangover you have to drink a water every two or three of these I say chug of water for every two of these how much this thing caused the booze inside of it the whole bottle when that's full yeah it's like a hundred and fifty dollar bottle of booze okay it's reasonable yeah it's not like 10 grand no no my god do you think we're drinking 10 grand [ __ ] I thought you said it was high in it is very high in how'd that be I said reasonable I don't think any people at home hi yeah no there is like that that's absurd but like the difference is like it probably costs it probably costs a reasonable amount for high-end whiskey but if the resale value is through the roof because not a lot of people get their hands on it sure I'll tell you all about it afterwards yeah it's sneaky sneaky stuff sometimes I get some sneaky sneaky stuff you know I'm open-minded to hearing all I know you're very open-minded you kiss me on the lips multiple times yeah that's cool this is the thing this is the thing that I want to tell people about you and our relationship I introduced you as Dave bird of course because dave is how I know you little Dicky is how people know you yeah to a degree we're doing a television show that's coming out in literally one week in one week yeah and and it's called Dave it's called Dave yeah not little Dickie no not little Dickie you were actually gonna make it Dave comma not little Dickie when you ania yes cluttery too much right clunky - clunk yeah - any workers yeah no I just I don't know like you know obviously I had a great pride and being little Dicky of being a rapper like I'd really it's the best thing I've ever done in my life but when people come up to me on the street and they go like yo Dukie like I don't even like relate to that name like it's not it's not who you are no that could feel like it's you know so I'm just like excited for the day where people call me Dave when they see me now they're gonna call you Dave I hope so I mean marketing would have it as so well the Billboard is great people haven't seen the billboard it's wrong Lord it's Dave popping out of his own underwear yeah that's my real legs too they did photo I think there's a little bit there's some Photoshop I seen your legs I like your legs but those are a little bit Photoshop and you're happy trailers Photoshop yeah it's true my but but the the strength you see in my core in the picture is I think that's all you need it's accurate those [ __ ] gutters are you yeah you have those how you got those [ __ ] gutters yeah I have but only because of genetics like I don't you have a thin frame for someone who doesn't you don't work out yeah I don't I don't really worry I mean I could but honestly I have so much body acne that it's just like what's the point would you have acne not body I mean the stomach is it's becoming I'm starting to get stomach acne what I know I never it's readable we we shot a couple of scenes in the show where we would have our clothes off together you know I'm not gonna divulge any more than that cuz you got to see the [ __ ] show yeah by the way it comes out a week from today I didn't even say it comes out on FXX on Hulu and there's another platform but whatever look at the [ __ ] up just if you can't find it you're numb you're gonna love it you're gonna love it I promise me too and essentially we did a couple of scenes together where we would get we had less clothes on you had a lot of less clothes scenes which isn't you did right you got a lot of nude scenes yeah oddly enough you yeah for someone who's self-conscious about their body I didn't put yourself in yeah I wanted to show the body acne honestly I feel like it's liberating in a sense like honestly I've been hiding it from women for years we're like we're like it was on my back like if we know I was hooking up with a girl like when I go to the bathroom like I'd I kind of walk out the door like with my back I'd be like all right I'll see you in a second I'm like I just flip around real quick when I get to the door so like they don't you know what I mean I like but wouldn't they feel it when they hug your back not really do you make sure they don't touch your back I don't make sure but yeah I'll fidget if it's this is the thing I know about Dave this is the thing I know about our friendship that makes me laugh is you you're very honest with me always yeah and you've told me often times how you've navigated your sexual life the first night we had dinner together we spent like two three hours in Santa Monica talking about the navigation of sexual of your sexual life and how you have to have certain lighting yeah always yeah do you have to you make sure that when your penis is available for some change whatever sucking [ __ ] it's in the perfect light and and time and timing right yeah a fairly represented penis you pray yeah you prepped the dick for its for its big game yeah I'll shave it cuz like I'm kind of guy who's got here going all the way up the shaft full shaft you don't shave on your penis shaped my actual whole dick come on swear to God my with what a razor another rate well actually use a buzzer right but specifically like a it's caught victim in the man's keeper it's like it's designed for they're one of those show oh yeah really yes what I got well I use something that's like designed to shave your dick and like I mean the manscape make something called the lawn mower that's exactly what it is yeah and if I didn't if I didn't like shave my dick my dick would have like a beard like ours this would be your dick yeah brown hair or black hair me a plan yeah black hair on your day I don't know if it's shave so I said oh not just your nuts like it's on it's on your balls like literally all the way up my dear why would that be because my tics made of the wrong skin I think my dick is made of my balls right so I'm serious so I think like because you know your balls have hair yeah so if your dick is made of that material then it wouldn't turn have hair that's my I haven't you know that's your theory I'm not a scientist but that's my working theory people need to watch the show because if you watch the show understand yeah it'll come out but I know you never told me that though I think you told me that was the hair all the way up I mean I could there's a few things that still does I've seen I saw your dick but I don't think well you can't see hair you can't see it from know I shave it it's gotta be up close yeah do you ever get razor burn I mean sometimes on Nick it there was one time where I was on tour yeah and it was in Florida and I had like hooked up with a girl and this one girl in Florida like the year prior and like I hit her and said okay like I'm gonna be there and she was like great like go hang out so like it was kind of in the air that sex was gonna occur yeah you knew it to the point where like I shaved that morning but I nicked my dick and but it was nicked right around like where the shaft meets the nuts to nothing nuts like the stuff like the pubis Caesarea like the pouch of fat on your body was like oh so then I thought like what a condom cover this neck and then I got a boner put the condom on sure enough it didn't and would you do to get a test boner what did you do do you watch them wha I probably just thought about things for a few seconds can you get hard from just thinking about oh my god you know guys that don't that are unable to get a boner I can't even understand like I'm hard if a girl even is holding my hand I have a boner no gosh yeah it's always a boner with a woman what's your quickness women what's your quickest way to make it go away if you get up if you're getting a heart come just come but I mean you're walking around you're hanging out you hold your hand you're walking down you're going to a restaurant I think about like death yeah who specifically I actually think a lot about like Babe Ruth you had a baseball player yeah and like his legacy yeah and just those kind of thoughts like old classic teams yeah we're talking like it just the old like just like chucking like icicles on Isaac Bowles yeah and just like I think about like the lineups for Scranton go to our station like I'll vision like my you know grandmother who's dead like I'll think about the fact that she is dead those kind of thoughts was she in a casket she'd get cremated yeah but you never saw right Jews don't do that I love that I've always said that I really respect you is for that don't cremate it no no Jews don't do open caskets you never really see the cat inside the casket right from what I know Jewish funerals they don't I don't know if that I think I believe I had eyes on my grandfather bad Jews bad I mean I bet we are bad Jesus you are bet you are but I am a bad Jew you know one time I'm some such a bad Jew that so the last day of Hebrew school yeah you know I go in there for five years and it's like literally like I'm like 13 years old I had just gotten bar Mitzvahed it's like the last day yeah it's senior writer times a million everybody's horsing around yeah all I'm doing is being a little extra chatty and my teacher kicked me out of class I was doing nothing I was literally just talking with my friends like and he he kicked me out and my friend Joey out and I thought it was very I was just so I was rubbed the wrong way yeah so I went to the bathroom and I [ __ ] on the floor you in the bathroom of the sewer polite enough to go to the bathroom but you [ __ ] in the floor on the floor in the bathroom on the floor even in a stall or just in the rate was in a star okay it's right where the [ __ ] was so close it was I mean that to me is the biggest statement you cuz I'm right there but I'm still making this choice it's kind of a fairly it wasn't an emergency because like I'm there yeah but but it's in the stall still and I kicked in a window screen what it's probably the worst thing I've ever done in terms of like bad behavior that is bad boy yeah that's bad boy tenant the last day of school may be so puss maybe he'd maybe he maybe he was just trying to teach you a lesson well if he was I didn't hear a cool shat on the floor and yeah and committed like not arson but whatever you do when you are since fire yeah well destruction of property yeah but you pooped in the stall I would seek pooping in the common area to me would make more sense to many she goes pooping in the shoes walking around you can see yeah you're still respectful puman in the stall is almost like giving someone the ring finger middle finger like it's a fake out it looks like the middle like a [ __ ] you but it's I know what that even you tell me I still thought it was real but this is my point this is pooping in the stall yeah this is pooping in the common area yeah that's the stall common area wasn't no I mean not even possible I did a lot of bad boy stuff - sorry what's the worst thing you've ever done in that kind of as a little boy yeah yeah yeah I did a lot of bad boy stupid bad boy I got kicked you know I had this running nickname on the podcast people know this Slugger Santino's cuz I got kicked out of like two different schools for fighting when I was a kid when I was a young kid - not like a [ __ ] not like middle school why were you fighting people would make fun of me because I was a red-headed person so I just got very annoyed and angry I guess that's the thing that redhead people might go through his children they came out and they get mocked yeah so I would just I had I had zero tolerance you know you were swinging I just hit as hard as I could yeah I would hit you as hard as I could yeah and most times I would not just win it would it would he was very bad I would be scared if I mean I'm I'm never gonna fight it I imagine I'm a horrible fighter but I think I like I would you know if I was in a confrontation and you were there I feel better about my I feel more comfortable yeah yeah I mean listen I I have a thing inside of me that I try to hide as an adult but as a kid couldn't get rid of it oh yeah I just didn't like Peter talking bad about me yeah so I would hit him as hard as I [ __ ] could yeah but yeah but the worst thing I did was probably I mean amongst a million things of like not like fighting but like bad boys was like I think I've told this story but there was a British girl Lisa who came a brand new British girl who's very pretty and she came to our school and Andrea new brand new British class yeah like we just walked out of the package yeah yeah hello yeah and then we made fun of her on the bus incessantly because we all had a crush on her all the boys had a crush on her yeah so we'd pick on her the she she'd a British accent yeah oh my god she was she was amazing but we pick on her cuz we're crushing on yeah I know Megan nagging we reneging yeah and so I would we would mock her and then we got pulled to the front of the bus we had to sit in the front of the bus and the bus driver hated me and these two idiots that I was friends with and so we had to sit in the front so we use this as an opportunity to write stuff on on loose-leaf paper yeah and hold it up for the back of the bus to see it's more stuff like Lisa you know like my [ __ ] yeah Lisa he's my dick you know you say my dick this you know this morning it was almost like it was British puns - we were Picasso we're pretty clever for how young we were one town was like Lisa at least have munch my crumpet you know stuff like that I was such a little [ __ ] like I would do anything for a laugh as a shame like just over one time that one of the missus named an example but just a British the teacher like wrote the word chalk on the board yeah and then she spotted CH a you LK and I first off in this class like this is what it was a teacher who like I feel like it was easy to take advantage of and I did it I mean it's really a shame yeah I did that [ __ ] all time like I would like I'd go like this I'd go like this you know and then she'd call on me this is you raising your hand then I go well I'm not raises their hand not raising my hand is like stretching and like I do stuff like that go to I go to the pencil sharpener and like sharpen it for like 90 seconds how I used to do this I love [ __ ] like that but people people that don't know that was old for young kids that don't understand they used to be a pencil sharpener at the front of a room in a classroom there's no way that's what I understand there's no way that exists any because of the mechanical pencil yeah [ __ ] nobody uses regular old pencils right are my dad and the love the turnstile the crank felt so good ranked it and then it didn't feel as good as the insert and the insert was usually on a teacher's desk if you had a cool teacher they'd let you use that a little bit it would always [ __ ] it up a little bit hell you had so much more control on a wall shaving pencil shaver because you could really kind of balance the weight of how you manage Roden you mold your own your remote yeah you shape your own tip but with the but that when you inserted it I often times to go further than you need to just because it's way too far yeah yeah I kind of want to get one of those right now and just stick pencils in it all funny I want to do math and like doing them I mean why are they even teaching math what do you think we should be teaching instead of math like proper like sex ed sex ed real success yeah like proper like that like how to like you know [ __ ] right what's the what's the one thing you'd want to learn if you could have gone back and learned not knowing what you know now if you could have been like oh I'm teaching sex ed this is the one thing I want to tell kids that they don't know or a few things what are some of the things that you're like man we never learned this uh how to make a girl calm I would say it should be taught in school that'd be incredible I mean that I mean that wholeheartedly as a you thank you have no idea what it's you don't think girls come you don't know girls come when you're a young boy you don't understand it you think sex has come this is a little law it's not off topic but I'm just piggy back in that last convent to me I found that sometimes like I'll hook up with a girl in like my you know I've got a best friend Danny you've met Ben I know I love ya and he'll be like did she come and then I feel like more often than not I'll say I didn't have clarity yeah because it's vague there are time een there are there because there's so many times were like a girl will sound like she just came you know they ramp up ramp up ramp up like moaning today I'll be like did you say did you come and she'll say oh no and then I'll be so confused there be times where I don't hear any of that and I'll say did you come and I said oh my god three times you didn't you didn't know yeah I just have no clarity right that's what I mean the vagueness ooh sexually insecurity it's like you know when I wanna I don't know sometimes you go down I went for years without going down by throat cancers the fear yeah just yeah just I don't know I didn't I just and then and then like then I I did it for the first time in four years and then I did it like six times that month he had a blast yeah I'm just a month of month it just eaten well sex yeah and I was gonna say for that month your beard did smell yeah it was like a really little I don't know it's you don't like it I like pleasing a woman yeah I do what - am I like I wish there were there like that there were other ways to please them that didn't just goodness it's like it's I don't have the right jaw yeah issue and it's like I just don't have the right jaw and like I don't have the tongue that like rapidly flicks like I yeah my tongue I can't do that okay so that I'm just like kind of moving my head around at a rapid rate okay just like freaking out yeah and then I feel like if I could have an a seizure I feel crazy but like I don't know it depends it really depends like that month I was enjoying it every step of the way you did you did I enjoyed it yeah would you take a break from uh why'd you stop neck pain it does hurt the neck some fight you're over it and I don't even and then I also don't even love like getting head like I like getting hand jobs more than half yeah you've told me this enough every time you talk about a different I can't [ __ ] believe you do why nobody likes an job more than a [ __ ] there's no way I like it infinitely more but they have to have what you do you have to have lotion or something nearby Lube is great you know I mean I have Lube on your ride but just sitting around yeah what if you're hooking up and I hand them space what are you gonna do I have it you got to plant it everywhere I have it planted you have a loop plant in every room in your house I have where a woman would be I have Lube like I have in the downstairs living room there's like a little bomb you had one bite in the TV room down there yeah you do down there and it's like it's like in the couch like in my kids no one will ever look there I don't think it's not in a drawer what about in the front room what do you have in the front living room that's what I'm speaking up not the downstairs TV room I never gonna grow announcer that's the boys room that's right I was just gonna say this bedroom is where it's like wedged and but wait what was that we're just talking about Lube and oh you know my ideal way to come which I've never actually experienced via a girl because it's too ridiculous I do it myself and we should talk about the oculus because I've been spending an insane insane so much the personal space yeah but my ideal way to come is I have a boner and I take it and I just kind of slightly Bend it up you bend it up a little bit like that and I just wait to come I just sit there and I wait what and I'll come the most I can come so I just really like want to be comfortable for the girl to ask her to do that because it's such a insane request to say hey it doesn't really pulled or chop fingers and just kind of just adjust my dick a little straighten it out a little bit really from like seventy to eighty six degrees and I'll just sit and think and I mean tremendous orgasm what yeah do you still shoot a good shot no normally I lose oh you got a trip you gotta you got a drooler the way when it's it when it's been up like that you get a good shot I might shoot Wow yeah you want a woman to just be able to pull it up that's really what it is tell us about the oculus explain to people what it is and people the virtual reality helmet then yeah VR yeah you know I always I always imagined VR porn yeah and I thought this should be everything and then I just I don't know I'm actually shocked like you don't have an oculus do you know like I feel like you guys know about what they don't like it has changed everything go on I haven't I got an oculus about eight weeks ago and I have not jerked off in like the two-dimensional space since because it's that's old-school now it's just literally because they shoot it it's not like just like oh you see what the normal porn but they kind of 3d it's like you're watching porn that's shot from a people view perspective like I go at this time I look at like the closet right next I mean I look back and I'll see like the girls tips with like the weight like I'll see the shape of the tips like it's yeah it's it's incredible that is why but though there is one day there's two downsides one it's like you know I jerk off after I like wash and like shower and everything - I don't jerk off a fight the last thing I do before I go to bed is jerk off and with the oculus it's like I don't like doing it mic it to my face after I wash my face I just feel like it's like not necessarily the best thing for my skin one lovers just your eyes right now it's like pressing my greasy hair against my forehead too yeah you know the shame you feel or not to shed the bit when you come watching porn and like you're done it's shame and then it's just like oh you feel bad there's it's times a million when you have to remove this helmet and then you're back in like the real world and you're like it's like you're there and then you take it off and like you're like in your shitty room yeah it's gross it's like [ __ ] you just like escape like the maître it's like do you think it'd be better if if you if you lived in a palatial estate do be better yeah would my room is just very you're like so nice I know I like my room but I know what you're saying it puts you in check it really is like what's jarring like it was you know what does that for me well sometimes I play with my butthole when I jerk off no you don't yeah I swear to god I've talked about it on stage before I just tickle it a little bit so you're about standing up now I lay down but I spread the eggs and I spread the legs and tuck it around spread my legs and I pull it around here and I play okay your hand yeah I play with the tush yeah you finger you put your finger in don't put it in just I take a little tickle the tush interesting yeah if you press your thumb on your anus and you massage and you massage it a little bit interesting very good very very good surprisingly so so a girl no penetration I don't want anything in it but I tickle tickle tickle and I got to tell you when you come after that then the calm is great the shot is amazing because there's more there's the prostate yeah actually some people say you can come way harder if you put a finger in your ass but but after I take after I'm tickling and I'm playing you want to talk about feeling bad I feel bad yeah yeah I walk with my pants around my ankles yeah balancing balancing it on the jizz on my chest and the [ __ ] I got to dirty hands yeah exact to dirty the to dirty hands is great that's my problem yeah that sucks what is the oculus cost how much I got mine for free but I think it's like 600 it mean it's worth it 600 hours I they reach out to you oculus no Benny got it from me some that Betty would get it yeah if you don't know Benny Blanco he's weren't the greatest [ __ ] music producers on the history of this planet yeah period Benny is a magical unicorn of a person who showed up to set a few times he's in the show but he showed up when he wasn't in the show yeah to kick it yeah and he's and his girlfriend friend girlfriend role I don't know his girlfriend yeah gore just cool dope awesome yeah would be right you see when you know a guy like Benny yeah he said he's in Ramah he's like um he is like you if you got compressed a little compressed and I kind of like put in a machine that makes it look like Andre the Giant like but combined with Joe Pesci he's thick he's like mutilated but in a good way yeah he's like so he's honestly so ugly that he's high yeah I went back one bag all the way around other side hot do you think you're hot I think I'm cute yeah and I think my success is hot is hot enough to make me switch from cute to hot so I guess I think now I might I might be hot but really I I deep down know that I'm disgust by hideous cuz like I know I'm still doing the things that you do no way thank you physically the way that you yeah physically I know I'm hideous but why do you say that just like the amount of grease yeah your greasy guy grease the nose the body acne what's wrong with your nose just like it's like just it's just just a Jewish nose it's nothing wrong with it it's just looked that way it looks pretty normal I don't think I don't think it's nothing to complain about now it's not enough to complain about it's really the body acne in the dick made of the wrong skin but outside of that it's you're fine cool don't you think everyone has those things I hooked up with a girl in college one time that when she there's a weird realization and people don't think I'm gonna have orange hair all over my body that's foolish but they just don't think about it yeah but I don't have a lot of hair on my chest I don't hear my hair yeah none of my back but my legs and and my beef yeah am i scrum very here Harry you put my Strummer so Harry aftershave I have to trim down you have pubic hair like a bush Tong well no I tons unless I trim it grows so fast it's unbelievable I'm not kidding every other week I have to here because it's too much I shave mine all the way no can't do that looks like a baby bald eagle I can't do that I need it to give yourself some girth just like it looks yeah I did I saw a girl in college saw I had thick pubes at the time mhm and she literally said you they're orange it broke my heart it like broke my heart into a million pieces yeah so I knocked her out right that's cool you don't know what else am I supposed to do mm I'm not gonna let her talk that way to me slugger Santino's and take that [ __ ] no but I didn't know what my fist was my elbow I don't wanna go to prison you know yeah elbow can seem like an accident yeah I didn't do anything to her I cried I did I cried in the car and really yeah I never sent hurt my felons bro hurt my felons yeah I hurt my feelings a lot I don't like being what's the worst heartbreak you ever had a heartbreak yeah my high school sweetheart she listening what's what's her name I don't want to say her name what's her name give her a name Korey Kuhl kuiba shoutout to Corey the girl's name what did she do to you she did she cheat on you no well no she didn't cheat on me but we dated long distance all this so dated her senior year of high school yeah went to two separate colleges dates stayed together all through college freshman year Wow yeah so that's all I endured the whole year and then with two weeks left until I was like about just like finally be back with and she also went to school in Canada so she didn't have a bra no no Ottawa Montreal anyways the the [ __ ] holidays don't even line up all right you know you couldn't even do the holiday barely SAR and I finally was like getting the permit like this it was like I'm finally made it through the year it's the summer I can't wait to see you and be with you and she broke up with a two weeks left of school and then started dating another guy for like right after a guy you know no okay but she did date the guy for two years so like what you know that's justifiable yeah dude I always say though if they date so I always say to the old bag I you know my lady I would say to her if you leave me but if you end up dating someone I know I'll [ __ ] kill both of you you think you'd kill I do I would murder I'd go out and murder I'd end up in prison for the rest of my life someone I [ __ ] know of all the humans you'd kill 1% I I don't even skip a beat with that that's crazy if it's someone I know yeah if it's any other man that you leave me for fine that's how the world sees them that's just how the world works yeah no you lose you lost it's fine you gotta lose a couple of games but if you date someone I know [ __ ] grounds for murder because that means that you knew before you know he didn't tell me or you maybe did something about it you can't [ __ ] somebody I know dude I know a guy in college I'm not gonna mention him he used to [ __ ] people's ex-girlfriends cuz he thought that was hot really yeah he's turned on by the by the idea that he's true that he's like getting one up on somebody probably it's awful deep-rooted insecurities with yeah but it worked for him because he was able to like scoop him up when they fell down you know yeah he was like this weird he was like this weird superhero that he would be like a savior yeah for like someone's breakup yeah I didn't like it rebound he but he's but yeah he was Dennis [ __ ] Rodman this movie he was the king yeah remember the first time you got drunk my the thing that pops into my head was after prom so I never drank what my parents were so strict yeah like I had every time I went out Friday or Saturday I had to come in at like 11:30 had to be before midnight I was like an early curfew I had to go up to their room wake them up this is their this is what they wanted wake them up blow into my dad's nose and if my if it smelled like mint I'm grounded oh good gum yeah I'm grizzly knows that yeah trying to cover something so that was the press so I was just like and honestly I was so scared about doing it social I actually like deep down like that they were Stricker's I didn't even have to like put myself out there and like really like take risks socially like that that's like Munchausen's syndrome but exactly but then after prom you know we were down the shore I'm from Philly and you know people were drinking so I took one shot maybe two I remember thinking like well you're drunk I don't think I'm sure I mean you're probably just buzzed yeah and then in college all of a sudden I'm in college and I'd never drank except for that one night and like everybody's getting blacked out so like it was kind of stressful social situation and I remember I had those skinny shot glasses that are like the long tall ones yeah and I and some I just thought that they were double shots but they weren't and now they're singles so for the whole year I was thinking I was taking like eight shots every pregame but I was really just taken for yeah and going out and just feel like feeling like I was driving I guess I was drunk I mean no you were drunk yeah but still like you're not I was drinking four shots not eight would have been a lot yeah eight eight shots is a lot by senior year I was at a point where I would like drink like eight to twelve drinks like as a pregame which is like absurd like if I did that now I'd be Hospital I died yeah yeah that's the thing that you lose I used to be able to drink all night wake up the next morning and just walk to class yeah or go do stuff you're the kind of guy who like you'll be out all night you'll come back it's 3 a.m. and like you'll still like you like go to the fridge and open and have like another drink one more yeah it's like yeah one for the ditch I thought my dad calls it one for the ditch yeah yeah one for the ditch which is like a turnip it's a bad turn of phrase yeah it's referring to when you crash your car at the end of the night oh yeah don't drink and drive don't drink and drive and I say that at all my shoulders say don't drink and drive and then I say unless you live far you know present you sensitive then you just might have to do it yeah my dad does it he loves and for the ditch he just loves the idea of like one last one we're home that was always the thing we might see my family was the opposite with drinking we are a drinking family he loved drinking we look it's like a part of our culture it's what we do together in fact some of the best nights of my life have it drunk with my parents my my what I was home I don't know what we were home for maybe was Thanksgiving or but we were home and the old bag was back home with us and she was staying sober for the night for some reason maybe she wasn't feeling well but me my mom my dad my sister we were out and we were getting [ __ ] wrecked and we went to this a local bar like the Crowsnest or so it's it's it is a dumpster it's a bad place right you can get your own beer you give them money and there's a cooler you can just take it out as you please right it's phenomenal uh-huh townie bar that's what they call the bounty bars locals locals only dude yeah you're not invited unless you're a friend at a local right we go out we get trashed and then we're singing and yelling in the car and as we pull into the to my driveway for my parents says I come on Eileen comes on the radio come on uh you know this yeah massive hit yeah and well white Irish people love that stuff that's like foresight we get the you know because we have an answer great song for us it's like Eileen is us yeah so we're screaming at the top of our lungs and I look around at some point I realized I have the greatest family on planet Earth my dad and my mom and my sister are hugging in the driveway laughing yelling come on Eileen at like 2:00 in the morning yeah my parent the finally grown grown adult parents adults grow to beyond adults older people retired yeah adults it just made me yeah they did it and they've looked back on it already yeah now they've got that made me that made me feel but that's what I could the culture of my families we like drinking but always always check down moments of like no one in my family has ever had like a terrible addiction where it's its ruin their lives yeah which is crazy yeah because we like to drink yeah but we check each other a little bit don't you know if you didn't get stuff done like if you weren't efficient yeah you really you would get embarrassed about drinking yeah cuz my whole family was good at that yeah functioning alcoholics is that what you think you're a functioning alcoholic probably but you just have like one drink every night two drinks every night I know not every night so you didn't you're not I know but I think alcoholic has a very like I think it's a broad word like I think I am I think you're not a function you'd spend most of the day sober death sober also we're all day I know but I think there's levels to it I think a functioning alcoholic as someone who's drinking all day and still doing their life I agree but I also think I'm a I am addicted to alcohol yeah but the same way I'm addicted to weed probably that's my point so like I think it's a level of it right like I don't if somebody said you have to give this up for the rest of your life I'd say it must be life-threatening otherwise I won't yeah if you said it's either it's this or death I'd go fine I'll live what this or sex [ __ ] at this age should still hey at this age yeah booze what what were you gonna say you can still what was sex ejaculate other way it's just not vaginal oh good not dead not even a question yeah that's not a question yeah no but sex is also different as you get older too right I've talked about this before the sex is like um tell me sex changes sex is not just penetration as you get older especially if you're with someone for a long time what is it like experiment it can be anything yeah sex can be like making out and touching a lot o my favorite thing to do sexually mm-hmm like seriously is to just sit like indian-style across from a woman hot and like kiss her in underwear yeah and like kiss each other and like slowly tickle our genitals over the underwear that's hot like I prefer doing that to sex that's um so that's I'm saying sex changes as a kid you think it's just like you get it but especially was a college you know [ __ ] pump and slam it as hard as I can yeah like I remember [ __ ] so hard in college at my pelvis would get bruised yeah and I thought that was cool they never fun I know I'm not I know you're not a Smasher on this you're a rubber yeah yeah I haven't [ __ ] raw in like five in like five and a half years I know we talked about this unfortunately because I because you have an illegitimate and I mean it an illegitimate fear of ESPYs I was talking about this it way too much I just did a whole Trojan condom commercial shoot I know but they're paying you good money it's crazy [Laughter] nuts it is [ __ ] crazy so tell say this let's shift gears no more sex stuff we have been pretty sexual I thought I don't care that's my fans yeah fans like it and if they don't they turned out they turn it different so an honest conversation is in here we pull this episode of whiskey ginger is brought to you by Buffalo Trace buff trace is the only bourbon with balls since 1773 they've been cooking up the good sauce I've told you this before I'm gonna tell you this again it is incredible stuff it is absolutely delicious it's distilled it's bottled by Buffalo Trace distillery that's 90 proof 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yourself some buff Trace it's the only bourbon with balls it's right there on the bottle show you nuts take a sip back to the episode people do want to know it is funny that people ask me questions about you and it's because they know that we did the show together they know that we're friends and I'm my god that's his business I don't know yeah but people ask me about you doing this album and you're making an album yeah people annoy you with that don't they uh the amount of times you get asked well when are you making an album what are you making an album yeah that's just yeah it's like anything I post it could be like a picture of like honestly like like rest in peace like grandma and I'll be like where's the album though gonna and I get it because because I it's unbelievable how long it's taken me two minutes I didn't see this coming in terms of a tank it's crazy like yeah but you didn't do it on purpose there's obviously life I'm working very hard like I guess I feel I'd feel bad if I was like lollygagging but but I'd also be like if you know if my favorite rappers Drake if Drake took five years in between albums I'd be so annoyed at Drake because it's like man I need my Drake but like not really annoyed but like I'd be like man and I can steal your favorite rapper yeah I love drink still today Drake and Kanye yeah there's a tie for you Drake over Kanye no it's a tie I mean in terms of like it's a tie I disagree why Kanye's Kanye's first couple of favorite album of all time is Kanye for sure which one common strap dropouts the best my favorite now it's not even history music yeah it's not it's actually true me of all the albums he's ever made it's nothing even comes remotely close I I don't think any body of music by anybody comes from only Costa College Drive that's big that's a big leap like it's that to me that it's so clear-cut my favorite album duuude but you you don't put it up against any sort of old-school hip-hop at all mmm you don't think nas Illmatic is one of the best albums of nas Illmatic and it is one of the best albums of all time but I mean like that thing front to back is funny because it's like a 19 year old kid doing its in criminal matter is incredible and it's just like it's like you know you know Cady or like staffy that's like different kind I get that right two different kind of different games what is that what were some of the most influential hip-hop albums when you were a kid college dropout like yeah like I feel like hearing that when I and just the attitude of college dropout it's just one of like I'm gonna be me and you can't tell me what to do and I'm gonna be the best of all time and I feel like that's like how I operate in life the artwork was incredible today our work is incredible I mean the sad like that musically is so much more elevated than like what what like hip-hop like what was coming out of the time right it was way ahead and and now it's like air it's just like it's but people just don't make music like that anymore no but he doesn't make music like that anymore either no he doesn't I'm friends with Kanye and I said do I was talking about I was like I was like couldn't you just make it like more music like that and he was like yeah but like I don't want to I already did that he was like why do I want to like try to remake an old wave instead of like make a new one and I agree with him you know why cuz a lot of artists have tried to do that it just doesn't hurt and he's like dude have like no yeezus I love Jesus yeah give me some other albums that shaped your youth um soundtracks here's to your childhood Green Day Dukey so good yeah again a phenomenal artwork back when artwork was really such a big proponent because you physically held a CD yeah Duke he was such a good I love Duke he gave me another one I was very into limp Biskit really yeah what was it what was what was his album what was I called not theirs well first off actually I need to talk about the Goo Goo Dolls like you love the Google I love the ludos what's in there the one with slide on it whenever that albums yeah whatever that was called yeah because I wasn't a Google Dolls guy so I don't know but that's crazy I do want to look it up know what's crazy about the Goo Goo Dolls that yeah I don't even really so all of their so everyone knows their hits or whatever and like the lead singer John Rzeznik whatever half of their songs yeah on their albums the bass player is the lead singer right Oh boy named goo I'm pointing to examine I with a little boy with his penis being covered up by the hands this that artwork is so recognize what's the next album dizzy up the girl that's the one that I'm speaking yeah dizzy up the girl the greatest line don't realize that so basically John Rzeznik to me as a lead singer and he's the better his voice is incredible and then the bass player is like great app I mean every song that this guy sings the song sucks like right half of there every time he been putting out and it's like unbelievable how like much I guess allegiance that they must have to like splitting up the lead vocal duties right that like you got one who's like it's like having like John Mayer or like usin and like they say divide you're right it's crazy and I feel like only Google Don's fans know that and I wonder if other Goo Goo Dolls fans are as dissatisfied with that hierarchy as I am or are they like [ __ ] you you're not a real Google daus for ya or not like I wonder what I think actually most people are probably like [ __ ] I just want 14 songs of John Rzeznik I mean real hardcore gggg defense yeah they probably don't give a [ __ ] at all they probably some people know but I I know what you're saying like I but look I mean [ __ ] Dave Grohl played drums for a long time but it'd probably be greatest band of all made another great that raised that's almost impossible it's crazy I mean it's you know what that feels like Ronna I like it's funny because I liked Nirvana a lot and as a kid they weren't my like favorite band but I think Eminem I think Dave Grohl second half of his career was much stronger than he could have ever been and I mean that wholeheartedly well the who fighters are obviously I think I think the Foo Fighters were so much better of a band the Nirvana could have ever become I disagree oh yeah oh yeah I don't think Nirvana ever would have lasted no way they were a moment in time omen time no they would have if Kurt Cobain didn't die they'd be making bad music he'd be doing what Green Day did do want to be an American see that's not no never that's not hurt nope yep I mean I would have said that about Billy Joe the same thing see I would have said the exact same day I've said Dookie that album alone would have made me think or kerplunk this one top of that it's tough for these guys you know who n are so rebellious well they're young that's my touch I'm saying there's yeah then like 32 and they know they can't be like we're billing us and be taking serious or so at that point they're just like alright let's get this money yes see they make like the hits or or like Chris Rock says some of the worst things that can happen to a comedian is too much money there's too much money to a lot of committees they lose touch completely yeah I'm not gonna name names but there's guys dude if I showed you what they do now you'd be sad yeah guys legends from our youth yeah that's the problem too much of everything it's like you lose touch you know dude that that that whole album a Dookie was basically about being poor and jerking off in a shitty apartment in Oakland it was like it was like how can I [ __ ] not lose my mind we're also losing my mind yeah and now you know they're now they're like like staunch Democrats who like preach about their politics and you're like oh man I don't know older I wanted to project what 40 or 50 this was 70 or 80 now yeah what was your favorite childhood um Pearl Jam Vitalogy was definitely one of them yeah probably one of the best albums I've ever heard in my life front to back gang stars moment of truth or hard to earn I loved both of those things so very much Gang Starr was probably my favorite group of all time yeah like of all time and that what I love jay-z and Eminem jay-z two-volume took my breath away you mean very first album or aura Shady LP the shady out the real shady LP that one I mean the first and second album I write one with my name is like the dr. Dre I yeah I mean when that came out I was like [ __ ] like 12 or something and I was just like right in his wheelhouse and changed my life item the the wit the music the music was so different than anything I'd ever heard in hip-hop yeah that it was shock it was like scary almost I was like whoa this is like remember how like that's the thing about like I'm like like I think to myself like man like back with like the VMAs were like you you didn't see the celebrities until like those events yeah yeah they wouldn't wait to like see M&M and then you see them any is like like now it's like you're so visible I know you too well we you do a good job of staying a little bit distant right yeah but I think most of the time it's because I'm so ashamed that it's been five years as I put an arm out like I don't even want people to see me like you know instagramming like you shouldn't watch for the Sixers why I don't know I'm gonna start instagramming more when the show comes out and like with him in my music comes out Instagram live is always so scary why what if I say something crazy what are you gonna say I don't know oh you did you chant kill the Jews I love Kid Rock yeah which is like such and I did love to rock and then all of a sudden he does race his stuff and then obviously it's like because you race a [ __ ] I think so what did he do I don't know I don't even maybe even me even saying it's like that type of thing on Instagram live he's big Trump guy I think I think so too yeah that which is tight do your thing dude fly private jets [ __ ] live that thug life when I love bow with the BA Howard about Josie rest in peace the [ __ ] dude he was great how'd he die just I think fell off a roller coaster I don't know shouldn't I got on it's a hell of a roller coaster yeah yeah you know those what you have to be taught okay yeah you know you have to be this tall to ride this ride yeah yeah the sign for a second I thought that's all right out of the seat yeah he felt right out of the seat you know that the founder of the Segway yeah he died on a Segway yeah yeah perfect look at me perfect yeah the guy who made the Atkins diet diet as well Adkins Atkins Atkins yeah died by maintaining that good stuff yeah you can't eat that much [ __ ] meat that's crazy you're just eating meat is like a and I'm probably misquoting like the exact science of it but I think it a hard - yeah I love the impossible mean you like it I love it tried it can't I just can't do it tastes like a burger to me and then I feel so good about like I guess but it's also so chemically processed they say those things aren't good for your either better for the earth how do you know we have it's not a long enough time it's like vaping right we don't know how bad it is yet I don't know we haven't had enough test time cow meat is bad kind of it's really bad for the earth yeah my kill the the rate in which we slaughter cows because like I can breed cows not in slaughter just bleeding a breed calf is that even pregnancy milk because they fart and the methane yeah yeah Aaron it's a huge carbon thing I know but but that's the animals fault not ours yeah it's God's fault really he did it Lord if you could have taken one animal if you're Noah and you have the ark yeah cuz you I can see you being Noah one Adam I got you only can take one on the are quote it be if they're like Noah you know you can only do one it's a great question what were you gonna take on which one probably the panda bear my I just think they're adorable he's so cute like I'm not supposed to be vicious by that one sure yeah if I had an option truly of like a girlfriend I mean this isn't true I mean a wife is differently like if I had the option of like dating a girl who's like really hot and like who like I wasn't like in love with but like I really liked her and respected her and like she and I was just the probes like the perfect situation for like three months where I was like totally sexually satisfied and she did everything so it was such a relief not wife because I wouldn't trade anything for a wife I'm like that like the perfect fling or I live with a panda bear who's trained to where every time I come home he rises and stands and walks and he hugs me hmm and then he goes back to just lies down and like all he does is lie and watch television like I can lie on him and like a hug and all he does is lie and hug I would pick the panda bear any day that way every day I mean that sounds like the dream buddy hugs you get a day for the panda bear I think we'll just like anytime you enter the room maybe you know if you got a dog it's kind of similar you know a dog named Oh God yeah a dog right now she's in the room she was barking when you came in on even members she wanted to see you but she gets excited yeah and I wanted to put away cuz otherwise she wouldn't believe it she would do you know what she does is really cute she's snit when she were in here recording she'll sniff the door and she'll go to let her let us know that I'm that she wants to come in here dude a dog is the exact same thing yeah greets you with such excitement does she peddles more standard no that is no she pees when she sees me that's bad she gets so excited she pees I must suck for you know I clean I lick it right up I love don't get a dog it's like you just don't know what you're getting like I got friends who got dogs in there right you don't know that's sure though just like they're going like every breath I take pickle and then like I couldn't like I can't live with that then yeah every kind of dog yeah you have to get a certain color that's fart all the time or they do markley it's like my dog doesn't mark you don't even know you know I had it on even now she barked me came to the door cuz whenever something comes to the door she barks yeah but once you're in here and she can smell you and knows that you're part of the crew I was so enamored by your haircut you like my new hair my little army haircuts tight yeah this is in case I get shipped off to World War 3 that we're about to get it you're very like ready to play like an old roll like yeah when I can older like a war movie real pick up those shells yeah see me back at the bunker at noon yeah that's that's me yeah that's my could be in an old war movie I don't want to act that much anymore though really yeah I think doing our show is kind of like I want to just do really good though I know but I want to do things that only that I want to do anymore but you're actually a really like I think a lot of stand-up comedians hmm are bad at like noticeably bad actors well don't just say that I think a lot of actors are probably bad act totally a lot of people are bad but you're like as a guy who's a you sifting through the footage every day yeah there are a lot of moments in the show that aren't even funny yeah there's a lot of stuff that doesn't have stuff that's real and you're so good like believable well here's what you should say let's say this to the [ __ ] to the people at home they should know you wrote the show you're producing the show yeah editing the show I made music for the show yeah you're doing all the [ __ ] you're lifting way too many weights well it's called Dave my name's on the line does it I know but still do a lot of people don't do that I got to tell you you hands on a lot of people don't do that I you don't you I don't know if you know that enough cuz it's not like you have no context so you haven't lived in TV long I know that like a lot of people take take take a lot of time away from things and let other people take over and probably to your credit and to your discredit that probably hurts you sometimes yeah you're spending a lot of time on a lot of time I just I feel like I have to you know I delegate to certain extent but you barely delegate be real I barely know again yeah your but your heart at that the things you're good at delegating or like things that you know you definitely don't want to do and you're like we're like that I'm not great at or things that you're like that's a waste of my time if you're like I have very strong opinions and it's like I'd like you do if if something was if we were like left with footage or there was this one little flaw all I would do when I watched the entire episode is look at that flaw and you see and think about the negativity that comes along with that flaw and that's a horrible feeling and I don't I would I want to feel like oh I did my best in terms of making sure that I didn't get those flaws and if the flaw isn't there it's not my phone I gave it my all that's a fact yeah right then you have that near the last check down I'm okay with failure not really but like I can say no you're not I'm not but like what I'm well I'm not okay with this what if so it's like I need to like always feel like I did my best yeah but you I mean the best foot forward on the show right the guy that produced the show and directed the show or cope the co-director produces show Jeff shaver who did the league and he did curb this year yeah and then we had a phenomenal crew of people that came on the show young thug who I was bummed I didn't get to see trippy red yeah gaana Arawak justin beep Justin Bieber who's out there on yeah I'm on Justin Bieber's album that's awesome but not while it is well it's like that very rarely a mic oh my god this is let's take a step back and appreciate like what do you've accomplished in life but being on Bieber and Bieber's album is well how many cameos are on that album I think like I don't know a four or five not a lot I read I read I read the title tag and I was like yeah each one of those songs is only him I mean when the reality is like when I started rapping I did not know like it was not to like become a rapper like I didn't even believe I had that in me to that extent right oh I think I'm like worthy of being a comedian this is a good way to get noticed for that so like the fact that that was the origin and like I've just worked hard enough to where five years later I'm a good enough rapper word the biggest pop star in the world in the world it's asking me to be on his album it's like a total like it's like incredibly but he's asking you to be on the album because of a mutual respect he's done he did earth with you yeah you know what I mean so hit me and said man I think you're one of the best rappers like in the game do you think do you think what you did on excuse me let's see well you did on that was that coffee I know you say bless you fork off - yeah all right how would this that champ what is that god bless how would that cool that's a good well you did what when you did on sway show yeah do you think that's do you think that's that's why Bieber hit me give me about that but do you think that's the do you think that's the illest freestyle you've ever done that's the yeah I mean when people say like what are you the most proud of that's it I think that's the thing I like but if I were to have to show anybody like three minutes of like contact yeah like I could and let me ask you this as someone who's a die-hard hip-hop fan yeah the idea when I was a kid when we were kids were similar in age yeah I'm a little older right now yeah I think you're like I'm 36 so you're five years older doesn't feel that way they feel like peers I know we are yeah but I mean when I when I was a kid which changed in hip hop over the time to was freestyling was always off the dome yeah that was always a thing and then freestyling changed completely mm-hmm it's just the name yeah it's isn't that funny though but that no one ever really talks about it I know it's just kind of like it's a part of the world yeah because I say that that what you did on sway is a freestyle but it no it wasn't necessarily free salad was a it was it was a written verse it was well it was um I mean how many bars did you do it's a four minute and no one could I administer at the top of their head lyrics that complex like yeah no one be impossible you'd have to be like a rocket something unless you're one of the greatest rappers of all time like Nick Cannon who's the greatest rapper of all time period the best freestyle I've ever seen is juice world who died juicy have you ever seen his freestyle yeah they're there so their never-ending Hill you can do for like an hour anyway he makes total sense the entire time and is actually really good like intricate flow patterns he look to me he was the best freestyle I've ever seen and he was like the best hit mate he was like I really feel like he was the most talented it's like songwriter in music did you know big al right yeah big L's 98 freestyle yeah was a freestyle I'm sure so that to me was one busy freestyle J's no way increased like that I don't know what a luxury must be like oh I mean I can't imagine they're just going in there and like doing one juice did that my friend Benny worked with juice yeah and would say he would go in the booth go three minutes over the beat and it'd be a hit and then he said okay another one and then he'd go three minutes over the beat and be a different hit and then he'd be like just pick whatever version you tell Benny to cut it up ya know not even cut it up just like pick like which hit do you want cuz like he would just do it he he freestyle the whole song is freestyle Oh hits huh Smash Hits how-how-how I sit in my room for six months and write a verse you know what I mean yeah this guy goes in there and it's four minutes and it's a smash the brain just works in different ways it does your brain will collect itself in different times right yeah one day you'll write a ton of [ __ ] then one day you're right no [ __ ] yeah it's now how you do it yeah that's how I do it yeah I'm always very observant and just writing notes down at all times sometimes I feel bad about it cuz I'll be like I'll just experience such an insanely interesting moment with another human being and rather than like live in that moment with them I'd be like I have to write this down well you are you're writing it down and then you're living in it right after yeah you want to remember it it's just I have such a bad natural memory like I will forget it if I don't write it down I will fir totally forget what happened what about your long-term it's solid short terms terrible horrible I think it's probably smoking weed I'm the polar opposite yeah my short-term but is is honestly atrocious I mean it's great I'm sorry my long-term is embarrass embarrassing my own feels pretty good my youngest I can remember of like vivid memories it would be like 8 or 9 that's very old no is it young some people that can go into like four or five yes yeah no I'm saying so like you don't have a lot yeah yeah yeah eight or nine maybe yeah maybe ten even yeah maybe fourteen I don't I don't I ya know one of my earliest memories is my cleaning woman at the time lifting me up by my hair lifting me out of the air but what was her name Lisa what what what but she but really she like like Hispanic I don't what did she call you the thing is little Dave the thing is when I say this to my mother she says there's no way that happened she doesn't believe it know what why cuz it sounds atrocious it sounds great I mean it is crazy and it's possible you know how like you can miss remember things well we do this thing where we there's a theory for and I can't think about I can't think of a name but we we compile a myriad of both true stories and things from our society or like the social narrative and sometimes those things intertwine and they become your reality yeah there was a guy named James Frey who wrote a book called million little pieces it's a phenomenal [ __ ] book I highly recommend it yeah Oprah put it on her book club and then a year later basically chastised him publicly because it came out that it was a it's I think it was quoted as being a non memoir and then it came out that the story wasn't completely true it was embellishing it was a little it was filled with hyperbole right well she [ __ ] took it away which essentially gives the takes away the gold seal and had banished this guy this guy's it was like a it was almost like plagiarism you know in in the journalistic world but it wasn't plagiarism he was simply just divulging more than perhaps could have been the truth yeah but that's what we all do as storytellers yeah so it bothered the [ __ ] out of me that's interesting it bothered me so much that she did that that I was like you basically made this guy out to be you put that like the black mark on him to be like he's a big the bay he's he's not real and not true and he's a liar or it's like no he just it's a human he's a human he we all in Bella's story so whatever this was that you remembered as a kid yeah it's it's your reality because it is yeah like what she pulled you by your hair lifted me up because I and the reason was because I kept I was I remember lying on we were watching TV and I was just like lying on top Rose that's small where I could just lie on top of another person what do mean like on her back I feel like my member was like her on her side and me like on top of her like this okay and then I just kept having to pee and I was gonna get up and pee and I think I got up one time too many and she said but they can't mean that sounds crazy just say it she just lifts me up on my hair and I don't remember that remember it's like you never seen inside out the Picts love that movie yeah it's like this was one of my core memories that is a core memory right it logged in core yeah she picked you up by your head to hurt your feelings it hurt my head my scalp but did you cry yeah yeah hard yeah I was physically abused and you told your mother and she was like that didn't happen no yeah I can't remember if I told her at the time that's the thing I'm probably didn't rat she was your babysitter or a house cleaner I think kind of two-in-one she all the above I think so I had a woman that babysat me there was a Puerto Rican girl named Lisa was her first name as well yeah no [ __ ] that's great things usually go this is my Lisa I'd go Lisa and she'd go what uh she would do that all the time because I go Lisa and I'd yell da it was the same Lisa would you yeah my parents got her because of your family yeah your parents like you'll love her you know you'll love her no but she used to go I see Lisa wada and then one day her family I was staying at her house cuz my mom was doing something a lot like late into the night drugs drugs and you no no no well my mom was sober she didn't do that stuff but um she I was over at their house and Exorcist we watched the movie Exorcist do you know the movie extra system yeah and Lola has been around yeah and I had the worst nightmares for months my mom found out about it she got so mad yelled at Lisa forever about it like why would you let him watch that that's insane like but I felt bad because I should have just not told her I had nightmares because I really wanted to watch the movie yeah I was I just want to see it so bad yeah you asked for it I did it was my fault it was my fault I did Lisa wrong but you were a child and that's what she got her fired her and then she got deported actually no I'd no idea a long time ago yeah yes like there's a lot of things about my youth that I don't really remember that are vague because it was I don't know what I don't know what it was I don't know if it was just do you think you're repressing like maybe I'm reason yeah maybe yeah I know abuse though yeah it was never hit just redheaded mistreat man yeah mistreatment by the society yeah yeah oh you piece of [ __ ] that's a red yellow on the week freak loser fire crotch yeah Opie you're nasty you're nasty sometimes they would just boo me I'd walk in there they go boom you were heckled and and I would go I guess I would I would curl up you know like I caused a motor almost you know yeah and they'd throw tomatoes at me yeah here's more red for you loser and they would ha come at me it's not even have a beard back then - I did have a beer buddy I had a beer when I was eight you know what so [ __ ] up though I had facial hair in high school I grew facial hair in eighth grade that is [ __ ] you got a big tall kid I was not big I was tall not as skinny as a [ __ ] rail yeah when I got to college it was like rule then I got fat yeah and then it all kind of like leveled itself out yeah but I was always tall I was probably six one my sophomore year have you ever been able to dunk I dumped a bunch we have tall I've talked about it on this podcast awesome yeah I'm here many a moons ago you could never go out and dunk right now I'm a 36 so now of course not huh I quit basketball years ago yeah [ __ ] taco called me to go play basketball yeah I know I don't do it I can't I don't play ball anymore yeah I lift weights and I run to put in my head I hate lifting weights I know I could tell I love lifting weights that's like the worst thing it's [ __ ] it's so bad like there's nothing I'd rather do less than like take weights and move them around and physically lift them I know is that me wasn't me that's very rude yeah I apologize turn it off please I turned it I'm turning it off I don't lift weights is not probably not healthy for you if you if you've waited this long well there was a period of so when I got dumped by that girl hmm I started lifting that's why you thought you're gonna get jacked yeah and I got jacked not jack but I gotten good I have got what's called cut we've all cut I have a body type where if I lifted weights for two months I would like look at me like very good yeah but it's just like just a very good metabolism and natural athletic build yeah and I lifted back then for the first time it was I was so weak back then I couldn't even bench the bar the bar I'd even bench the bone how much the bar weighs 45 pounds yeah you couldn't do that and not do it once literally could you do it today today I could but I mean today I couldn't even do 45 hours on both sides no I know they'll be tough huh yeah that's where actually I mean that's not easy 45 is on each side I got you a place where I could do that for like eight eight reps thinks I'm like it I'm always a core guys ready for some reason yeah you're a core guy core strength yeah you have abs not really let me see you lift up your shirt too much stomach acne I don't want to show the come on baby you know you I just got treatment on it and that's all why do you really yeah I just start going a new woman well I don't want to talk about Wow go ahead no you went to a new a new rumor to dermatologists yeah it's how many have you gone through I mean like six six people six dermatologists yeah because they're I mean it's just hope its new its new hope every time I'm gonna open up a place called New Hope dermatology that would that's a great it's a new hope New Hope dermatology well look at it like this you're a good sweet man and people want to be around you including the opposite sex yeah and when the show comes out in a week more people are gonna be around you or the opposite sex do you think it's gonna do a number for me I hope so I hope the babes like it I think they're I think this show I think women comment below if you're a babe and and you're and you're interested in Dave with or without body acne look right into the camera well confidently so no matter what yeah I'd treat you well and I'm smart and funny and I am a really good person that's a fact so if you're okay with a blemish or you know 34 blemishes then you know let's chill then it's very chill yeah what's your perfect first date pitch this to the girl I say we meet at a local bar named it the galley got it nautical themed love that yeah I mean I'm talking the oldest bar in Santa Monica it is there's peanut shells strewn on the ground love it string lights a tree I mean looks like Christmas at all times there it's always the holidays it's simple as you walk in you think all right I could fall in love in this venue yeah you she said you say meet you there you tell her meet me there I'm gonna be there about two minutes early you're gonna be about four minutes late I'm gonna stand outside for six minutes and I want to think think it all through and then you'll come in and we'll joke about the menu because everything's got funny names and they're all nautical themed it is fine they'll come and they'll bring a drink over and it's actually their drinks they're a little stiff yeah very stiff they're very stiff they form right there which honestly I mean it's like fun starts like it's like one drink in and everyone's like it's like spring break yeah you know what I mean Tona and you know the waitress is coming by and she said can I can I get you guys something to eat actually I used to I used to I I'm like a serial dater I was I like I've gone on more dates than any person but now you're chilling now I'm chilling but like there was a time where like at this place the gallery like where I went there like on like 75 first dates within like an eight month span to like we're like I was hoping the waitresses there wouldn't be like good to see you again wailing again like who's like why never been here one time a waitress when my date went to the bathroom and she was a cute waitress too and she was like as my server all a lot and my date goes to the bathroom and she comes by and she says so what do I do to have to be one of these girls you always bring here I started flirting with her and my other date cameras it was like high peak feeling for me in terms of like wow like I'm like like really like developing into my own physique did you ever connect with the waitress no cuz they waitresses no I do actually yeah I mean the waitress at a place that you go to often is what I don't really yeah yeah it's like that's a classic blonde specially if it's a place you I did leave my number on a waitress and on a receipt one time and it worked did it actually she threw it out and then her co-worker found it and gave it to her I don't accidently she just didn't say a co-worker was like oh this is the guy's number yeah and did you end up seeing her yeah and and we hooked up a few times lovely girl lovely car yeah it was very fun she likes slow touching genital touching just enter Indian Indian leg stuff Indian cross like sorry why he took you back I'm just thinking you had a moment didn't you I was just thinking 2015 is calling back you sat right in it for a hot minute it was so nice it was like one of the greatest moments of your life nice I felt you feel it it's a very nice thing if you when you guys do the general touching do you come in your underwear oh so much pre-cum so much I mean am i I'm just soaked oh that's out I have common man I mean no from touch us from the touching on top that's happy yeah that happened last year to wedding I that I over the underwear [ __ ] and came at the wedding in the hotel afterwards in the room in the room have you ever hooked up out in public one time I had sex on the beach on the beach one time was a terrible place to [ __ ] it was one of my favorite sexual experience and all over the place yeah I was for one it worked out it was very cute and it was very sweet you got to be close enough to the water with the sand I've never I've never no never I'm I'm pretty on like public sex is hard you have you for oh yeah you [ __ ] while driving I got my I got my pain sucked well drive never [ __ ] no [ __ ] while driving is almost almost absurdly risky even in porn I'm like how did they fake this yeah that's crazy as a reporter who were [ __ ] while driving it's a whole website called people [ __ ] while driving people [ __ ] while driving cons the position what do you mean she's on top and he's going like this yeah let's go to people while [ __ ] people [ __ ] while driving calm we gotta find out whether some lemon party fake hurricane deck yeah in one week from today woo our television show comes out on FXX Hulu all the good jazz it's called Dave this is Dave yeah it's a wonderful [ __ ] show if you want to know what the gist of it is because that billboard probably wouldn't tell you much no it's a comedy about the life of a young Jewish Philly kid entrepreneurial spirit with an entrepreneurial spirit and a circle of friends that support his kids chaos yeah def that was if that was a logline I that's the one I was I think it's just like you know they say write what you know and like I happen to like live like an incredibly funny entertaining life like I'm a literally like a rapper yeah you get to do that for a living I go around the world rappin and now you get to be kinda gas form and like you know it's like things like literally like I'll be at like a van you and I two girls that come out to me like we'll both give you head right now at the same time like who raised you yeah you don't even know me yeah but you but you still let them know oh that's actually I would never that's a no no ma'am no to at once no I never I would like to get I wouldn't like I think you should let two girls suck your penis I wants I'd like that to happen I think that's a very valid type of porn I'll jerk off to a lot girls if you're out there and you want to suck Dave's penis and there's two of you go ahead and comment in the comments below but then we can set a zero pressure I love you to death I love you so much we're gonna go to a comedy show right now there's gonna be fun it was a surprise yeah it's a good surprise please watch our show also next week as a reminder I'm gonna be in Philadelphia I'll be in your home [ __ ] town yeah and all my friends better turnout for his I think my friends are coming to your thing yeah if they don't come I'll be so mad I'll be so [ __ ] mad it's the lobby and I'll be in Philadelphia it is next next I'm there Friday and Saturday yeah Friday night a Saturday March 6th and 7th oh great so our show comes out watch the [ __ ] show next week and then also come see me at the at the Philly punch line if you don't you're not a real loser you're a loser and you have no you lack taste you like heavy amounts of taste and please watch the show because I promise okay well you're gonna love it yeah they will here's we're gonna here's what we do after every show I'm gonna walk off camera and you're gonna look right into the camera you're gonna say one word or one phrase to end the episode one word or a phrase right into camera by yourself go ahead can I walk up to the camera in here we Paul [Music]

Channel: Andrew Santino

Views: 713,220

Rating: 4.8989358 out of 5

Keywords: comedy, comedy central, podcast, whiskey ginger, whiskey ginger podcast, andrew santino, funny, the fighter and the kid, joe rogan, joe rogan experience, tfatk, bill burr, bobby lee, chris delia, your mom’s house podcast, tom segura, stand up comedy, bert kreischer, the red rocket, all things comedy, cheeto santino, bryan callen, bad friends

Id: w9dux-r6_eY

Length: 75min 41sec (4541 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 28 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/FrogOnACouch]

What is this?

[u/MANAVI_]

I WANT TO BE THAT GIRL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqJd7NpQBv0&feature=youtu.be :D !

[u/McClounan]

Great episode