Whiskey Ginger - #100 - Chris Distefano 2.0

what up whiskey ginger fans welcome back to the show it is your first time joining us welcome to the show you picked a good one my guest today is chris destefano this guy is out of his mind crazy wild dude i love him he does a podcast called history hyenas with giannis pappas ladder 14 dude wei zhang he's goofy he's crazy he's insane uh this podcast is no exception trigger warning if you get offended easily and you can't take a joke this one's not for you me and this idiot go off the rails completely wackadoo space cadet nonsense uh goofball stuff we are obviously joking around the entire show me and chris are poking at each other to see who could take each other deeper into the droves of nonsense comedy it is uh uh an exercise in hyperbolic chaos so parental advisory uh it's all a joke guys relax take it easy it's stupid and it's stupid for the purpose of being dumb that's when chris and i get together that's what we do we egg each other on to say just insane stupid stuff so this one's super fun uh we loved it we had a good good laugh and i hope you do too because it's uh it's stupid we're together obviously promoting this little tour we're doing me and christa stefano are doing uh four dates on the east coast october 8 9 10 11 wilmington delaware on the 8th uh butler pennsylvania on the 9th scranton pa on the 10th in cape cod massachusetts on october 11th go to andersontina.com for tickets andrewsantino.com is we're going to get all the information you need to know uh the patreon is there which will probably put the full link of this insane dumb chaotic episode unedited for the patreon fans to just enjoy and sit back and and listen to how insane we get uh and also andersontinostore.com is where you get the hat and the shirts the glasses the sweaters we're releasing uh new merch new one-of-a-kind stuff all the time so go to anderson.com for tickets to see me and krista stefano and as far as the episode goes sit back sip one have a laugh take nothing serious okay in here we pour whisper whisk whisk twist that creature in the ginger beer sturdy [Music] i like gingers cheers hold on let's put just a little bit of irish coffee for you [ __ ] yeah that was the second hit we put something off camera this field cheers cheers cheers oh ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth i say that from i guess what i mean once again today it's mr chris the stefano hey how you doing we're going to do we're going to do the [ __ ] steamy windows tour our agents of weijong zhang [Music] listen he's bounced back we make we make ten percent on white girl rosie yes uh yes we also we also that guy by the way he got away they they kicked him off twitter for a second then he got back yeah and now he's richer than ever because he sold two companies yeah nobody cares that guy won man stealing jokes is the best we should steal jeff that's the thing people are always like oh my god this person's done they're canceled they're gonna lose followers no they're not it just never happens i mean the fat jew people are like his career is over it's like what do you mean what do you mean he's worth like 30 million dollars he made more money after everyone knew who he was my mom read an article was like who's fat jew yeah and i was like oh it's a sky da yeah whatever i'm trying to explain it to her it's going over ahead yeah if your mom knows who this person is they're rich and famous now 100 rich or famous people need to learn that your parents don't know who your favorite comics are no [ __ ] way dude they have no idea who my food my favorite comics are my favorite comic i would say is sam kinnison um he's dead yeah he's dead he died i [ __ ] uh who else is hilarious i mean biden joe biden's fight he was playing despacito yesterday can i tell you something joe biden is a good comedian but the problem is i don't think he's found his voice yet that's the that's my biggest beef with biden yeah yeah he's almost there yeah he was at a mic i when i was traveling new york one time joe biden was at where we were on like the upper east side at this weird mic and he brought a guitar on stage right and he does i don't know if you've seen this bit and he goes and he goes um this is how i feel about guitar comics and he breaks the guitar right well he it wasn't his guitar there was some guy in the band yeah and he did this bit and he broke out a lot of cash right and he threw it at the at the kid really and he goes fixed yourself and he left and i i thought it was a good bit that's i don't you know i don't want to criticize someone's comedy but i think it's really really funny dude joe fix yourself joe biden and then he goes and blacks he said something about what i was gonna say because that's the thing i was gonna say dude one time like literally and like we all know joe like he's a comic that's been working on the circuit joe biden's been in circuit for about a decade yeah so whatever [ __ ] catholic school you went to school i went to catholic school joe biden went to catholic school and we were coming up we do an open mic at the laugh lounge in new york city and i'm sitting there uh waiting for my you know gonna do my notes this is what 2012 2013 i'm writing my notes and joe biden comes out of nowhere wait wait wait wait wait wait wait zhong zhang and i was like how come like everybody could tell stories now in 2020 about this happened to me 15 years ago it's always like a guy doing something horrible to a woman and then it's like okay but it's like joe biden stuck way zhong zhang and smacked me in the face how did you hear it it was in you it was called oh you heard the other side with the other ear yeah yeah and then and then and it's like i tell told that story and people look at me like i'm a [ __ ] lying sack of [ __ ] it's like dude joe biden did that to me but now but now he's [ __ ] you know i mean listen well we didn't know he was gonna run for uh what is he running for mayor or whatever whatever dude i don't [ __ ] care but it's just it's these stories that never get out you know kamala harris too she was um kamala harris had you know she was living in in los angeles for a while i don't know she was an actress yeah for a long time yeah you know she was on two sitcom pilots that my buddy's buddy was on yeah and uh he said it would never would never show up to table reads yeah uh she would absolutely never try to remember her line she goes i can write better than any of any loser writers dude one of the best oh she said any of you like wait wait zhong zhang she's [ __ ] hot though come on that's why she worked so much one of the best weekends i ever had is i was i was at um a ramada in sacramento and i would just [ __ ] i would i would go on youtube and take stills of kamala harris's feet and then i would rub uh honey dijon mustard on my dick and just jerk off it was [ __ ] crazy it's wild it's straight there i would come and then i would comment it would just be [ __ ] great man mustard's very healthy coffee dijon honey honey dijon because they're what's the one from like chick-fil-a has a really good it's like a hot honey mustard that's right i don't know dude i love the thing about chick-fil-a is even more than a chicken i love their policy they're great well because they're more are they mormons is that who it is no no mormons is in and out yeah i just stand behind whatever chick-fil-a does i'm i'm all for chick-fil-a yeah i remember that they said they were closed on sundays uh and i was like why would you close on sundays and they say because we don't think gay should get married and i was like all right yeah i understand they wanted to because on sundays they take the time to to pray for the gays that's why they said they said sunday is our day to pray for the gays right we hope they can pray them straight right and i gotta be honest i've read some statistics that say if you pray hard enough you can pray a gay person straight within a couple of years really interesting i've heard of different statistics all over the internet my mother obviously prays a lot very very catholic she's told me that she's like prayed a lot for my day and it's just theirs well that can't leave because because you so you're not trying to escape it yeah right like it's only you can only get rid of it if you really want it gone yeah dude it's like quitting cigarettes because i got to be honest with you it's like yes i like women for sure like i you know i see a woman i can see that's beautiful but i [ __ ] love wei jong-jan like it's just something that i like to do like you're thinking two balls it's your three balls and you put that in your mouth man it's your thing and it's like people like oh you always make gay jokes it's like it's not a joke like i like wei jong-jan and people always like i remember one time even giannis my podcast partner historians he was like all you do is make gay jokes it's like not funny more he's like dude what do you mean it's not funny like i i understand what humor is i'm a [ __ ] been a comedian for 10 years one of my favorite things to do is to get down on my knees and put up way zhong zhang and and i just like the way that that feels and it's like people want to be like in 2020 like everybody's a joke you're just saying things for laughs and votes and clickbait and it's like yeah man i the one dude i kiss men on the lips softly yeah i'll kiss a man on his on both his lips softly i'll tongue kiss a [ __ ] man yeah dude i got one i got two chains on one of these chains is a woman's chain i [ __ ] like men what's up dude you're right i just i really i can't wait for my dad to call me that when he listens to this episode yeah because i'm gonna get one of those he's like i heard your buddy talking about blowing guys and stuff it's a bit right yeah whatever you say mr said but it's not a bit it's not a bit dude it's not a bit and people need to know this this is what i um yeah two things on this podcast now that you're this this deep in it um one chris is never joking and neither am i we've never made a joke this whole thing is a very strict honest real podcast yes never once a part of this i know it's a comedy podcast all this is real we have no this is not for jokes no this place is not for comedy not not at all not it maybe at one time it was but in 2020 when things are serious when the biggest election of our lives is coming up in a month or two from now whenever this comes out there's i'm not joking i'm not i'm i'm genuinely being like serious because it's like a lot of people like want to make jokes and be like oh comedians are politicians politicians or comedians like i don't know i identify as an american citizen and i'm not joking when i tell you do the right thing in november and make sure you that [ __ ] box you check whenever you vote is to the right the whole way down because i swear to [ __ ] christ if if our boy donny t doesn't get four more you're really gonna be in for it what do you think's gonna happen [Laughter] it's so much fun i i love that i i love you so much well you because everybody knows you know look we have difference in politics you and i people know that but you're such good friends because like you are you've told me before you're not just pro-gun you're you're pro-gun deployment which means you think they should be handing out guns when you register to buy a home yes will you get your license yes yes that you should be given a gun like you bought a house it's an escrow here's a gun and and you think depending on the size of the house you told me that's how the size of the gun you get absolutely because some neighborhoods require bigger guns i'm not you know you do the [ __ ] math right if you have a mansion you can't go out with a little 22. yeah yeah you got to defend the property you got to defend the property so so bigger house bigger guns and uh and yeah i'm one of those guys that's that's all for that and i mean i don't know how to use a gun i've never held a gun i don't know how to shoot a gun but you know i uh i i believe in you know yeah defending defending your [ __ ] property uh because it's it's what it is you know this is america well let me let me ask you one more thing i just have a i have a bunch of questions that i don't know that if you want to answer on camera but you can if you feel like it there's been a lot of controversy about building a border wall right now you said we should build a border around florida because we don't want those people to come in right to the rest of the country and then you said on our podcast that you should build the wall and it should be amazing it should be amazing which was which was a joke but you said that in 2019 when now it's not a joke it's not a joke that at 2020 now where i'm like you know we need to build a wall and i'd like to build the wall with the bodies of dead democrats okay that's what i want and that's not a joke anymore that democrats just that are just dead if you're a democrat and you die and if you want to lend yourself to america because all you've been doing now is trying to take her down is you can lend your [ __ ] dead useless blue carcass to the wall in mexico to prevent anybody who doesn't have a u.s passport who doesn't [ __ ] bleed red white and blue right you could use your [ __ ] vegan carcass i'd be a part of that wall that's what i feel recently we're quoted in the uh in usa today yes saying that that it you're originally quoted in usa today and you said not only should at every sporting event we play the national anthem but you also think we should do different renditions one of them by kid rock you suggested you should yeah he should play the star spangled banner kid rock you then said you want travis tritt to play um god bless america yes so you said you said not only should we do that we should have a lineup of musicians to play american pro songs in fact you said it could take over some of the game yeah i think i i that's what i'd like to see i mean i'd like to um see a lot of people you know roseanne barr i'd like to see what you know she sang the national anthem once or twice and i thought she had a good rendition i think um yeah and i think now you know if uh if you get down on uh one knee when the when the anthem's uh playing um you in order to get up you just have to you know we have to fist fight like i just feel like if you want to get down on one knee if you want to get back up you're kind of signaling to me that if i'm a true patriot and i bleed red white and blue and i want to fight for america then you getting down on one e is kind of us saying like you know let the fight begin and and i also think a lot of you parents out there that want that are say you know what my kid's eight years old and i'm gonna let them choose what kind of [ __ ] sex they wanna be if they wanna be trans or whatever i think that the rules should be if your child's under 18 and you want them to go trans you as the parents have to go trans first so you two wei jong jan and then let your little [ __ ] kid and then you see how you like fear and then let your little 15 year old kid cut his [ __ ] schmiegel off if he wants that's my policy what do you guys think i think it's good dude i think there's a great policy i got a pilot on true tv yeah yeah you're in town doing a pilot yeah do you want to talk about the pilot yeah dude they're telling me that i [ __ ] shouldn't be out doing anything you know because what if i get covered i was like [ __ ] please dude what if i wait wait wait wait wait don't they test you every day yeah they're like oh thompson you're gonna go do tom segura's podcast i was like i'd rather [ __ ] get coveted and die on segura's podcast than [ __ ] be out here for two weeks in this [ __ ] city while it's all on fire and the reason why the city's on fire is because let's just [ __ ] face it okay what is los angeles what is los angeles the biggest democrat biggest gay city and what does jesus do every six months light it on fire what does that tell you he's a republican you think jesus was a republican jesus is a republican you know that for a fact for a fat my mother [ __ ] talks to jesus and he says i'm i'm voting right always he all he does is protect the red cities and light the blue cities on fire portland l.a is on fire but let me give you an argument what happens with the hurricanes in the south how do you explain that why would jesus do that um i don't know probably because there weren't many hurricanes before until there were these little blue pockets oh like awesome do you think the hurricanes are out to just to hurt the blue blue parts yes yes that's what i think and you know look none of this is a bit this is just how i feel dude honestly whether or not people think you're being honest the real truth is you are yes [Laughter] we're having a little irish coffee irish coffee on the podcast yeah and um i'm so happy to see you dude dude i'm so [ __ ] happy honestly last time i saw you yeah you know you told you talked on the podcast about um you can't have booze and pills because then you go it's like a good day you goes like an eight and honestly and and i thought about i thought that was a funny joke that chris said when he was here last time yeah yes can you send me a couple videos yes and that's that comedy's gone that's all fact that's comedy's gone now because you know and and honestly i was talking to donny don check out don de peda um he's off to this he's right here off to the side he's checking he's got his leg spread wide open for his hair he's [ __ ] seen wide open until i get to him well because you're going to crack him you hundred percent dude that [ __ ] happens you guys were hanging out last night and i said what are you guys doing and then you said oh we're gonna watch the islanders game yeah and i said oh great you know i also love hockey and then you said right on but don and i have a thing that we have to do now what do you guys do when you watch hockey what is it that you were doing we were i mean i'm a big islanders fan they won last night uh in double overtime um so we were just uh we were watching hockey kind of just sitting back and like enjoying being white seeing i don't believe that and i know i know something else was going on because you were acting real jumpy and you said well if he comes over we'll have to change well that's only well that's only well no it's because his girlfriend is latina and latinx latinx and and uh we kind of always our little word we don't it's embarrassing because like ice comes over a lot right to check on the status and all that now is she legal or no he says yes but we know i don't let's not i don't want to get it you know i know it's knowing i've made some calls or whatever and it's like you know are you going to bust your buddy though that's the problem like no i mean if they ever want to break up then yes a hundred percent i'll get ice yeah she's going right over the democrat dead body wall oh so she's involved because she's a lefty sh uh she's elected honest don's not a left she's a south american lefty yes they south america have to go no that's true that's very this country's not going to become venezuela how do we fix the country uh republicans which is all republicans yeah and then uh yeah i mean you know wei zhong zhang and uh and that and that's i think that's the only way i think it's like in a movie when you have to kill like when you know like when they killed the night king and game of thrones and then all everybody just faded away all the [ __ ] those dead soldiers just faded away that's what happens right in the heart then all the democrats will just they just crumble into snowflakes oh because they're made of snow yes and they turn into snowflakes oh my gosh exactly and then the good guy so john what's not jon hamm jon snow is is don e t do you think we should have police occupation like you said uh out out loud multiple times on ventura boulevard on veteran boulevard right here in l.a you said not you said refund the police times two yeah so not defund you want them refunds double their budgets refund the police yeah for all the yeah refund the police refund the police double their budget is what you were saying you think and you had told me give them i want i want to give them more guns yeah you said two guns per cop two guns per cop on each side two guns per capita two [ __ ] per cop yeah so two guns a cop and you think every cop a good cop should get a tank is what you said good country and bad cops get a hammer yep that's what i think i guess it makes sense that this these are plans that you've kind of started to put into place do you think maybe you could run for office at some regard and make some moves i'd like because comedy's not going to work out do you think no comedy's not going to work out i know it's ruined my career in the last 20 minutes do you think people we live in such a sick twisted world that people would potentially take the first 20 minutes of that podcast and put it out for realsies if they ever got mad and take this out of context yeah of course they would how funny is that that like we're doing i did a bit on rogan making fun of i put a thing up on twitter or instagram about joe biden when he was talking to um uh uh what's his name from uh the wake up show why can't i think of his name what's wrong with the wake up show schultz does a show with him what's wrong with me akash singh no dude [ __ ] charlemagne yeah charlotte charlemagne yeah when he was talking to charlemagne and biden was like if you have a problem knowing if you're voting for me you ain't black you know whatever so i did a side by side on my instagram for a joke hilarious and then joe and i talked about it some on the show some yeah some conservative news network clipped it out and then sent it around their viral threads on instagram oh my god and i was like how weird and they it like the the caption was so we i wish i still had it it was like joe rogan and andrew santino talked truth uh into the liberal nonsense media world whatever it was like what had nothing to do we were joking about the clip right but they made it like this is their stance on joe biden it was so annoying but i was like oh they'll do that with and now that we're doing so many hours of podcasting anything they have hours of [ __ ] to clip from did you hours and hours and hours and did you genuinely get like hate no no no no nothing no in fact the other way but i got so much weird acts from like random accounts like true patriot instagram or like whatever and they'd be like this is yeah yeah this is what the [ __ ] we're talking about but i'm like all right well then you didn't look at any of my other instagram stuff because i [ __ ] on [ __ ] everything like obviously you didn't see what i was obviously didn't see my other posts but yeah they just see what they want to see which which by the way not to get deep speaks volumes people just see exactly what they want to see and then they're done then they're right well that's but that's the whole thing i think like with twitter and social media that's why i've been trying to limit it dude why i don't know if you can watch it already social dilemma oh my god you've watched it gave me anxiety so it gave me anxiety it gave me anxiety but it also kind of made me realize like that i understand it has implications in the real world that i'm aware but it's not real because all like hate tweets that like for ex the only time it's ever really happened to me is is i did a show on netflix ultimate beastmaster it was called and one of the asian competitors fell into the water and i said there goes bin fung into the duck sauce i called the water duck sauce and yeah yeah and and i got you know people were tweeting at me and they were yelling at me and blah blah blah blah and it was all online because everybody that came to my shows and everybody that i ever met in person that saw that show was like dude i love funny just very complimentary nice things to say so it's and i i i always wondered like i wonder if some of the people who said things on twitter may have been some of the people who came to my show and said great job we love you because it's like a part of a like a dark part of a human being's brain wants to say something on twitter just like you want to yell curses and things out in the comfort of your car and like still remain remain anonymous i think that's what a lot of people do but it's weird because it has implications in the physical space get your [ __ ] hairy arm in here dude keep talking yeah so i think that i think that more and more i'm starting to just realize like hey if you don't allow social media to be real then it's not real like so right because i understand you know people can get cancelled and all that which i have to imagine eventually even that's gonna not because being cancelled is just the cool thing now it's like eventually that's not going to be cool to kids anymore they're back oh we did that already on to whatever the next thing is it's all like these phases so but yelling at you for something you said it's interesting to me of like uh jeff scott i've told this story before but it just every time it comes back jeff scott's the the piano player at the comedy store you're you know jeff okay jeff is gay openly gay has hiv by the way beat it that's how tough he is he's beat his kind of gay guy that got it in 80s when right everybody was dying and he lived and you're like this guy's the toughest you guys like hang out you hit him with bats and [ __ ] what do you guys do yes we kiss really okay no jeff's like the greatest guy but jeff always used to but he's gay though yeah well i'm joking and that's the one and that's the one thing that's the one issue no but jeff jeff always jokes around uh he would always be like i hate it when a comic meets me and doesn't make gay jokes and i was interesting really and he goes yeah because if gay guys fought for equality for all these years he goes i fought for equality for all these years you're not going to treat me as an equal you're going to make it like a naughty thing that i'm that that being gay is a part of me he goes i make fun of you for being an ugly redheaded [ __ ] yes why can't you make fun of me for being gay and i know jeff this is what we're as comedians we're all trying to say for years but the problem is so many people just see it from their one side like he said the duck sauce he's racist of course yeah but what then they can't make fun of you what is it like they can't [ __ ] on you yeah because because it's just people in my opinion and it all did honestly i think happen when trump came into office because i've obviously i just kid a lot i'm i'm pretty apolitical if anything i'm i am a registered democrat i don't know what i'm gonna do in this [ __ ] election well i mean this [ __ ] election is crazy nancy pelosi's got nice fat titties though uh clip it and um clip it yeah and uh and um but i just think like it's just a reaction to trump people are so upset that yes a man like that that was rich and famous and white and people hated him and i understand the reasons they hated him but now the reaction is [ __ ] everybody we're going to try to take anybody down for anything and i just can't take him down exactly that's what it is you can't beat him and that's just not sustainable it's just not a sustainable thing and it's like and it's like you just gotta i really genuinely feel like with jokes like to be funny you can't have hate in your heart like if the hate is there then i think most people sniff it out like oh that wasn't funny but the things that are just funny yeah it's like all dave chappelle's jokes about transgender people they're just funny the people that want to hate on him were like dave chappelle is just being naturally funny about jokes about the trans community because he does accept them you know what i mean of course so he actually hated him most likely he wouldn't say anything about them sure that's what i'm saying like like most guys that have these most people that have enough hate they you know they talk about it to their family inside their house yeah they don't say it out loud in public yeah because then people know yeah i don't make any jokes about the chinese well because no this is something that we're not joking about yeah you you for years have said you wanted to become a citizen of china because you love how they operate yeah because it's ccp christy communist party oh it's ccp ccp the chris economy's part no of course i make jokes about the chinese dude imagine they did make the virus which i [ __ ] absolutely believe they did that just came out the other day and they start selling the vaccine for five dollars in barber shops that'd be like dvds would be [ __ ] great and also what a good business yeah yeah we made the virus and now we got the message yeah but our government does that what are we pretending like they don't do i love what people like why would they do that our government makes [ __ ] all the time absolutely they make [ __ ] all the time dude and then when the [ __ ] movie pandemic 2020 comes out [ __ ] bobby lee will play the coronavirus he will that'll be the actor that plays it but he'll get he'll get called out and cancel because he's korean and they'll go you couldn't even hire a chinese actor to play that right right so then who do you who do you hire then i don't know from there i don't know who's who's chinese dude han james han james yeah i don't know i don't know that's a guy i made up but it could have been a guy it could have been a guy yeah look i think i think at the end of the day uh you've said to me that you don't think you said people not only should not people not wear masks you think we should start coughing on more strangers shaking more hands again washing hands you're a big not washed hands guy not at all because it's like the germs they gotta [ __ ] like i mean how much how much of [ __ ] do we want to be you're gonna wash every germ off your [ __ ] hands it's like nah dude right it's like because when someone says like they shower every day what for you know what i mean yeah once in a while is fine yeah once in a while is fine and washing hands just like but what did i what did i just did i cut up some did i you know am i bleeding no i don't need to wash no i don't need to wash when people do this thing with the mask i i go up to i take it off of them i rip it right you don't wear a mask in front of me i use it to my [ __ ] advantage i have like my mask on my face and then i see [ __ ] hot jewish girl i [ __ ] throw it onto my head i'm like oh god i mean and i [ __ ] start talking to her yeah i put it down on my face again when i want to like try to get with like a democrat [ __ ] and then i put it down here you know i [ __ ] look like a muzzy if i want to talk to a black girl hey tell me what percentage of andrew schultz's fan base is black uh a hundred percent there's no white people like him uh no white people like him but i just i i when i anything white people just like him from a distance they won't listen to him because yeah well i i think i mean yeah andrew like he's he's the kid like he's so i i i think he i would consider him a black human i mean he's black he's a black man he is he's a black man with white skin i mean you know like sammy sosa bleached his skin it's like andrew schultz the black man but um flagrant too every time i've done flagrant two um where was flagrant one i don't know that's a good point but it was flagrant one when when it never came out no it just went right to flagrant you can't have a sequel without having crushing it more than andrew schultz uh it's tough honestly no joe rogan maybe the joe rogan that's it maybe schultz is better than rogan i don't know ooh maybe schultz has more money than rogan now ooh could you imagine i heard the spotify deal fell through yeah i heard it was in escrow and it fell through yeah joe actually called me the other week looking for like a not a loan but like a kick i shouldn't be talking about this but yeah rogan called me and was like and wanted some money could you float me a couple hundred grand dude and i said absolutely not this is your fault for leaving california is the best state in the united states i've never done joe rogan's podcast i don't even know him i want to [ __ ] say right now dude i'll wrestle you wherever you live i'll [ __ ] wrestle you and if you can get me in a chokehold and i can last 10 seconds and not come you got to put me on the show what about that that's a good send that's a rogan clutch a good bit clip it clip it that's a good bit chrissy clip it i really do think that that could work 10 seconds and if i don't come then he's got to interview me immediately but but if i come then i'll leave i'll i'll get off his property you bow you have to borrow i'll bow and i'll get off his property you do not you've never met joe once i've never met joe once i can't believe that that's so weird though yeah i've never met i've never been to the studio i just i was just people you know at times would be like oh i i i heard john rogan but i always got close i was you know your show and and fighter yeah you're you're always you're around it anyway i'm around those guys but i've never been on the show what what what show other than joe's have you done that you uh ha that you haven't done that you want to do is there is there a podcast you do that you go oh god i wish i did that i wish i did that one um well tom segura but i'm supposed to be doing tom segura soon i've never done their show i've never done time you're going to love supposed to be doing tom sagura you're going to love um i did uh um what what else um wait wait wait wait wait wait zhong zhang wait wait wait zhong zhang um we could cut it um i uh i uh what else show i think i mean because what are the big ones i mean you know how about what show have you done that you didn't bad friends i've never done i'd love to do bad friends yeah with that [ __ ] doctor what show um what show have you done that you didn't like what show have i done that i didn't like this is mean but it's real that i didn't say it i'm trying to think that i didn't that i did not like what show didn't know because i would like to be honest you do all the legion of skank stuff yeah legion of skanks but you know legion of skanks legion of skanks the problem is i get so comfortable in there because they're so debaucherous [ __ ] absolute scumbag people louis you know puerto rican round snake just scum of the earth he admittedly you know he admits it i just get in such a disgusting place mentally that i've said things that i've ruined relationships with my family like i've mentioned things about my family where they've called and had sit downs and been like like my mother they were talking truly i was like being excommunicated from my family because something i said in legion of skanks what did you say that was it was i can't even repeat it i'll tell you after but it's just it was so bad say it and we'll cut it and i just [ __ ] no dude it's like members of my family were like we're going to sue you how would they know they listen to the show because they're [ __ ] people listen and then somebody sends them something like a cousin you have a young cousin who sent me right and it's so interesting because you know one of my one of my you know family members a girl was like oh my these guys told me because they're looking out for me like no they're not they're trying to [ __ ] get pity from you so they can hook up with you yeah what don't you understand idiot but she's you know but this is why women can't run the country that you that's one of the primary reasons why did you you why have you so often stood on a platform to make it so that women can't vote again um you've said this so many times you said suffrage was a mistake and women shouldn't be able to vote now why is that you think are you afraid of women's votes yeah i just think that uh i just think like show me one example in history where they ever voted for something and it's and it's been the right move oh okay so prior to women's voting we were on a good track 100 okay i mean look in the middle east i mean they don't have any [ __ ] problems right yeah and you know and look at what the men have done the men i don't know that there's no way the covet 19 numbers are high in countries like iran and iraq because they've been women they've had [ __ ] face covers for millennials since the beginning can't get in there dude if you if you if you could change one thing about america today what is it one thing you can only switch one thing what is it if i could change one thing um i'd like to go back to the original 13 colonies you want this thing let's get rid of let's anything west of western can you name the 13 colonies new york new jersey maryland um virginia north carolina south carolina georgia connecticut vermont what do we got uh nine pennsylvania ten um massachusetts eleven uh new hampshire 12. end no but i don't know i because it gets tricky i always forget if if maine or rhode island is 13. yes dude very good thank you i know every state capital too well you have a show called history highness you should know the history of history in america historian is dude you know what's so crazy yeah one time i opened for richard lewis this was like 2010. the beaucoup guy uh is he uh no he the guy you know the [ __ ] erotic uh do you not know boku what's boku god do you not know you guys neither of you guys is that a sushi spot we're gonna we're gonna show in the middle of us we're gonna put a boku commercial richard lewis used to do boku was like a they tried to make it a new drink okay like a noob sucked it was like boku baby and he tried he was you don't remember these commercials oh my god tell your story i'm gonna show you it though dude have i said anything that's like bad that we have to edit out okay um in here we pour whisper fellas fellas fellas are you sick of smelling like your old self you still wearing cool water cologne by david off what are you doing you wearing curve for men grow up okay go to hawthorne.co.com hawthorne h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e dot c-o take a two-minute online quiz tell them what you've worn deodorant-wise body wash wise uh if you use uh you know lotions or soaps or whatever you use that has fragrances in them you let them know what you like to smell like as a man because it's hard out there to find a good product that smells good clean and not too flowery hawthorne will then take a little algorithm from a computer beep beep bop and tell you what you should be smelling like i'm telling you i was a skeptic okay i was like whatever i'll take this quiz and i'll send me whatever you got to send me i thought nothing of it now they sent me a box of everything i did body wash i have shampoo conditioner hand soap hand lotion face cream uh two kinds of cologne i did the premium package and i'm not lying to you i was surprised i was like this smells really good this all smells good and it matches very closely to what i like to smell like what category of stink papa santino wanted to have and uh it's it's it's awesome it's incredible how how good they are at pinpointing uh what's going to be new and good for you so it's a good switch up from your normal old run-of-the-mill colognes or body washes and all that stuff but go take that quiz it's extremely simple you know it's totally risk-free with free shipping and free returns if you don't like the way you stink after you get it send it back and another man will take on your stink it's totally worth it genuinely take a two minute quiz and find out what you should be smelling like uh check out hawthorne.co that's h-a-w-t-h-o-r-n-e with an e dot c-o use the promo code whiskey you get 10 off your first purchase and like i said you don't like it send it back you pay nothing so hawthorne.co use the promo code whiskey to get 10 off your purchase it is worth it start smelling better dudes whiskey ginger fans if you are having trouble getting your happy back let me tell you something speaking to someone there is no shame in that game a lot of people are adverse to therapy i think it is a beautiful wonderful thing a lot of people also don't want to leave their house and they're embarrassed to go somewhere well i got your solution better help better help is going to help you get the happiness back in your life start figuring out the problems that you have that you just don't know how to talk about this is great it's simple and easy you can access this all over the world from your computer uh they have online counselors professionals that they match you with to talk to you about whatever it is you want to get off of your chest during these troubling times um it's a broad range of expertise uh locally in many areas and they're also looking for new counselors so if you're a counselor go to betterhelp and sign yourself up but uh i've used this i've promoted it before i think it's wonderful man it's incredible to talk to someone about your problems we all have issues i've talked about my anxiety and depression in the past and we all struggle with stuff that we're embarrassed about for some reason and you shouldn't be okay millions of people i put up reviews on there if you go to betterhelp.com reviews you can see what the testimonials that other people have said that it's really helped them out it's simple and easy and uh what do you got to lose man you talk to someone on your computer all day anyway why not talk to someone who can help you out with your problems uh go to betterhelp.com that's athelpbetterhelp.com whiskey join the million people taking charge of their mental health uh right now we have a special deal 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com whiskey that's betterhelp.com whiskey 10 off the special order if you go there please if you need to talk to someone talk to someone man get back to feeling good hey we're not going to do a lot of editing okay because here's the problem yes accountability my editors my editors i'm going to say my editors are illegal they're illegal i know the other guy what's the guy's name [ __ ] andreas or something yeah i didn't [ __ ] know what to do well he doesn't he doesn't even work on this show right but two editors that work on this show i don't tell them right i make andres come do off off the side stuff right because i can pay him under the table i give him like four bucks an hour right yes i don't want any of this stuff done i don't want to talk what about do you guys keep bobby and crate or he's upstairs right now in the crate and you know what's so funny is with gabby so you know like um do you know cup of noodles sure we'll hide those all over the house and he can smell them so it's like a little hide and go seek for him to get lunch breakfast lunch and dinner right so three times a day we'll hide a couple noodles somewhere and we'll put a little bit of water in it so it starts to stink and yeah and he knows where it is yeah i don't want any stuff that's not gonna go on but no no no anyway so i um yeah go ahead so um so i uh if i said anything on this that's bad i love that yeah have i said anything on the show that's bad yeah yeah yeah so [Laughter] so richard lewis for richard lewis yeah and richard lewis it was at caroline's and um and uh by the way i don't do well any time i perform at that bomb the three times i've been there even the last time that i thought i sold a lot of tickets for people to come see me yeah still just like spoonfuls of [ __ ] something about the room i never did well in it yeah no but it's not their fault no i got to tell you though i just can't do it in that room something about it bomb i've bombed it up i've bombed [ __ ] hard at caroline's before so and this was one time so in 2010 i started maybe uh 2011. i started commenting in 2010 so i think about 2011 i'm a year into comedy i the the i won so no one or got into some comedy competition in caroline's and you got to host a show oh so i hosted for richard lewis cause you won the competition i didn't i don't think i won you know like maybe it came it was like the final four marching bands and i came in the final four maybe i i forgot who [ __ ] won maybe it's norman or sam morrill somebody like that one so um oh michael che one that's who [ __ ] i don't know who that is yeah michael che he's you probably you've seen him before what does he do he does com um i don't know he's [ __ ] on snl or whatever snl what is that uh saturday saturday no lie saturday no lies yeah so it's always true it's all true always true true political show saturday no license i love check yeah dude he is very funny so he won you came in eighth i came in eighth so i i host the show for richard lewis and richard lewis in between shows because he's very neurotic he's he in between shows he will go back to the hotel he won't wait in the green room so caroline's yeah he goes to the hotel and that's it every time he goes it takes a car back and forth to hotel he won't sit and wait in the green room because he like just need he wants to walk onto stage and walk out that's how he does it so and the hotel is like five blocks away but like with traffic and [ __ ] in the city like it could take 20 minutes so i do the shows friday and then i do the shows friday and saturday so friday and friday the shows go great i have to do 10 minutes which is that's exactly what i have it's 10 minutes on the [ __ ] dot of material maybe a minute more but it's all [ __ ] and let's be honest seven of the 10 minutes a year or two maybe i was two years in is all [ __ ] to begin with i think it's good but it's [ __ ] so i have no people having a birthday yeah i maybe have three minutes of material and i'm supposed to do ten so i just do ten you know you get the light at nine and then efficient you're off right that's what it is all the shows two friday first one saturday great then saturday night 10 o'clock show again like clockwork at the ninth minute it was the same joke you know same [ __ ] joke do and then boom and then i finish it no light there's no light going on there's no red light which is that means you have a minute left and whatever i don't see the red light but i do the joke anyway i'm like i'll just get off i see the owner of the club go like this he's which means extend extend extend so i'm like oh [ __ ] so i do another two minutes [ __ ] can't you know like sucks 450 people there sold out for richard lewis saturday night i i still see the guy and he's going like this and i was like okay so then so then you've already buried your other three minutes of not good material nothing right so then i start doing premises right with no punchline trying to get through it you know like stop with the l train yeah that stuff yeah so now we're at about 17 18 minutes i have three minutes of material and you know of good jokes that are done in the first two minutes so now we're at 18 minutes yeah okay i don't know what the [ __ ] to do so then i started asking people birthdays who's got a birthday just like you did which i should have done in the beginning who's got a birthday right people who's got an anniversary good now it's 22 minutes he's still going like this dude i then start to go into the crowd and say name a state i'll tell you the capital [Laughter] i went through all 50 [ __ ] states it was like the crowd couldn't believe that i knew everyone they were like he's not going to know vermont and i was like montpelier and they were like holy [ __ ] keep going on i brought a guy on stage i started making fun of him but it was bombing i was like making fun of him having like a limp he's like i had a stroke i was like get out of here like [ __ ] like that dude 61 minutes no i had the recording on my old phone one year in comedy 61 minutes on stage asked everybody whose [ __ ] birthday it was every anniversary state capital nailed every [ __ ] state i was getting into countries in south america and starting to yell out their capitals and i was saying racist thing somebody was like you know what's the capital of columbia i was like wepa like you know like i was like i was like fire hydrants open illegally in the summer i was saying things like that like just racist [ __ ] because i was a brand new comedian and that's what you do the defense mechanisms yeah so so so i did that dude what happened was is he was he had gotten into a car accident if this car had gotten his cab driver whatever got into a car accident and the guy was drunk so he had to stay for the cops right and then they rushed it on doesn't say anything doesn't even know that that happened no he wasn't careful just like oh give it up for he called me jeff i'll never forget he's like give it up for jeff i was like 60 what is your name uh christopher oh yeah yeah chris give it up for jeff's not even close to you yes give it up for jeff but i dude everybody i asked every single person in that crowd the birthdays and they named every [ __ ] state um and got the capital was she a good guy richard lewis yeah but the thing is though i started talking about like he's dead he's not no i i don't i didn't get a chance to i opened for him but i didn't get a chance to meet him look i i'm stepping on toes here because i don't even know the guy but like go back to the hotel between shows like what the [ __ ] you doing i don't know i think he's just like an erotic guy like that no i know i know let's stop this stop yeah we have to stop this treatment of comics like we're special right we're idiot losers right who just so happen to know how to make people laugh right it's like over bobby told a story on bad friends about a about a girl comic he wouldn't say the name i'll tell you who she got mad because in her grinder she asked for like a certain kind of gum and they didn't have the gum right and then yeah grow the [ __ ] up grow the [ __ ] the [ __ ] up shut up yeah i'm so tired of us of comics thinking that they're special look we're funny we get to make people laugh outside of that you don't deserve the check you make no way no way no [ __ ] way dude on the stage you deserve that chat i deserve you dude i [ __ ] did a show in monmouth new jersey two weeks i deserve 75 000 dollars to do 30 minutes that's how much you made socially i mean the show was socially distant so i couldn't you know sell but i deserve a check for 75 000 and the heads of a [ __ ] few you know wei zhong zhang [Music] the most i've ever made doing standing i'll say that we got to bleep that out we got to bleep it out yeah the most i've ever made doing stand-up i did stand up for jeff bezos right on this weird little private island he had uh and and and it wasn't a huge check but it was the most i ever got for one time it was bezos um there's a like a bunch of like rich super rich famous guys there and i did 45 minutes and i got 265k wow 45 minutes there you go dude dude i mean you know it's a shame it happened but i mean you know we were all there like how many times did we do shows for jeffrey epstein and it was just like a couple couple thousand i mean we all were on epstein's island shows and it was like you know was it good money what do you want to do i want to make money yes but i i was making money it's like are you going to pay for my kids tuition yes i saw a couple of wei jong-jan not me yeah dude he was doing [ __ ] jokes clinton used to play the saxophone why any either way zhong zhang like dancing snake charm or naked any playing the saxophone yeah naked i just crossed like it on the floor i see it all the time see it all the time yeah there's some [ __ ] way what are you gonna do so that's all gonna get cut no no no no no yeah leave it in no cut it out we'll make it we're gonna have to listen to it right zhong zhang you can't do that holy [ __ ] can we do it should we name the tourbillon zhongzhang see me windows i thought about it yo dude dirty name the tour steamy windows yes because we couldn't think of a good name yes and we've beaten the we're gay joke to the ground and we figured what's a little bit more beating it to the ground steaming windows steaming windows and put dr fauci in there and let me tell you something a lot of people hit us up and say hey we want to come see you guys live you're so much fun it's too expensive right and to that i say [ __ ] you yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] you loser you're a [ __ ] poor [ __ ] why oh is it the system's fault you're a poor dumb fighter i haven't worked in six months get another [ __ ] job get a [ __ ] job i can't too bad then steal then steal yeah if you can't afford to get to our show with your own money steal it steal it exactly dude so yeah so [ __ ] steamy windows tour and we're gonna do it and let me tell you something yeah i know it's expensive for some of these cars but it's perp it's it's you gotta it's 150 dollars a car or something like that but get a few people in the car you can get a bunch of people get a [ __ ] bmw x7 and get some people in the third row and get in the [ __ ] car yeah and you really need to pick up the pace with the tickets butler and scranton cape cod is doing well okay what's going on in scranton you better you're embarrassing us how about this how about this all jokes aside we know the tickets are expensive we don't make the ticket prices in fact chris and i are losing money on the first two shows and he doesn't know that i'm telling him now for the first time he doesn't realize this yeah i'm telling him we're losing money on the first two shows because we have to pay for these outdoor venues so the tickets are expensive you can put a bunch of people in the car and by the way it's set you know there's no drink minimum at a club you got a drink minimum in your car there's no drink minimum in fact it's byob and f b bring your own booze and food and if you're drinking and driving we don't care we don't don't care because i've signed a waiver and you will have to sign a way of replying that says i'm legally not responsible for you killing yourself and your family not my problem because she came to the show if you live super far away we suggest getting someone who's a sober driver if none of your friends are willing to be sober then so be it then you're gonna then you're rolling the dice what are you never been to vegas sometimes you gamble you gotta gamble on your buddy how who can drive the best drunk in fact test it out now go out with friends now start drinking and driving see who can get home the fastest any of the donald trump supporters that were jim gaffigan fans before two weeks when he went in her twitter tirade and denounced our president come see us come see us come see us you're not gonna hear any of that [ __ ] from us i feel like i have to say please don't drink and drive please come see us we love you please be safe but also the jim gaffigan thing crazy real talk i was sitting i'm literally sitting on twitter and i saw he was trending and i was like oh [ __ ] your instinct in trending is uh killed or canceled yes he's dead or he got canceled yes and then i see oh no no he's starting a war dude he fought with so many people on twitter i couldn't [ __ ] believe how many times he responded it goes to show you he responded to like a thousand people it goes to show you the true like truly how upset you know donald trump is making people like he was taking he was [ __ ] it's getting to the point where people are trying to control things so much that they can't control yeah that they get so upset and that's the not a problem with twitter that's a byproduct of twitter is you're gonna go on there in a emotional state yeah and do things that i don't know that anybody regrets it but it's just like no they do yeah i've had friends told me i had a girlfriend tell me she went after someone and she was and she goes i kind of regret the way i handle the situation right and i said but it's crazy because now it's already out there it's gone it's over even if you delete those tweets with the things that you said it happened right it existed the the damage of what you do when you attack people for no reason it's it's our it's over it's over before you could ever fix it right it already ha it's a car accident it's done it's done yeah you can fix the bumper oh my god i'm so sorry but it's like but everyone in the neighborhood is going to go yeah those two cars have a car accident that's all you're gonna know well it's like more and more it's like we're just so emotional like people was like oh don't be emotional be rational it's like i don't think we're capable of it as human beings it's like we lead with emotion everything we do is emotionally charged in some way even our most rational decisions sure so when the emotions tip out of whack and you've maybe had a few drinks or you're so watching somebody on tv that you don't know at all that you're just like kind of like i think people lose sight of the fact that like there's things that donald trump does that he knows for example he retweeted today my you know buddy of mine was going [ __ ] off today on how donald trump how our president how could he retweet a clip of joe biden joe biden had played i said despacito yeah yeah but they somebody made a twitter thing donald trump police [ __ ] the police oh my god donald trump what an idiot why would you do that's like no what you don't understand is most people didn't even know that joe biden played the despacito song that didn't get covered really by the media because it's pandering to the latinx community and it doesn't and everybody knows even the most extreme left people like it's pandering we know it's panicking we played it we know he doesn't like that we know joe biden is pandering whether you like him or not it's just pandering [ __ ] so trump what he did was is i as soon as i should i was like oh this is why i did it cause he's like let me retweet this because people know that it's not [ __ ] the police let's google the actual song and then you saw all the tweets coming in why would biden pander why would biden pander and then that looks worse for biden of course but then people get so upset and it's like no no no he you're stepping right into donald trump's trap again yeah you keep stepping in when you do that so it's like just he's so good just back away it's like i know how to step into the traps i [ __ ] puerto rican baby but they don't know how to do that you don't know how to do that because the same people that are like adamantly [ __ ] trump [ __ ] trump [ __ ] trump and then i go on their twitters yeah they follow him sure you follow him yes if i don't there's a lot of people i don't like i don't follow them that's the problem is like if you're going to say you're not that you don't want to get that you hate someone so much and then you and then you say why do you finally go why you have to [ __ ] see what he's going to say next yeah no no so you like him so then are you unfollow also why are you inviting constant negativity into your life if you don't like a person yeah whether you're republican democrat gay straight muslim jew whatever if whatever your opinions are if you don't like it why do you invite it into your life every [ __ ] day because they like it because they like because of course they [ __ ] like it so it's it's it's it's mind-blowing to me i don't like science i'm a little [ __ ] i'm a little buzz right now so somebody logged me out of twitter no no log him in yeah i give an example don't cut anything i don't want to say after this i don't like sci-fi movies i don't watch them i don't hate you for watching them i don't hate you for liking them they're not my [ __ ] i don't watch them i certainly don't follow star wars on [ __ ] i don't follow a fan account why would i do that to engage to so anytime someone does that on the [ __ ] internet no it's cause they like them it's because they love that [ __ ] so that that's what it is like people get so upset and they're so emotionally charged on social media it's like when i watch people go [ __ ] crazy and respond to anyone everything it's also gonna what i genuinely believe now this truth i genuinely believe this i'm not you unless you physically have a video or a video evidence of you or somebody saying something you know racist sexist or whatever if you have to have concrete video evidence for me to believe it if you show me a screenshot of your dms of somebody saying a slur or or or this term or that term or you show me any type of picture of it i don't i i believe that account first to be some type of russian bot or some type of commuter computer bot that is intentionally trying to divide us it's intentional it's intentionally trying to divide and then watch the tweets go and watch people go crazy because it there's dude in 2001 september 11 2001 the months after 9 11 all you saw was cars with american flags and american flags outside of houses and now 19 years later if you see an american flag they think that it's racist and they and they automatically say you're a trump supporter you're against our country by having the flag to me the only way that that is possible is by some type of intervention from another country probably china or russia so there's there's just there's no way that happened by just american people changing we were first [ __ ] sure manipulated by some other country and i genuinely believe because when you say when you say when you do anything anything at all uh patriotic you're automatically this like trump crazy who does that that's that's [ __ ] an attack as if he owns the flag or something now that's an attack from an outside country that's just an attack from somebody else you the american people have their brains certain people that believe that they don't know that they've been 100 infiltrated and played right because most people that get so outraged on social media they've never experienced the hate that they're outraged by they just saw it on a media account or the media told them and then they get so mad but they've never done any they've never had a problem in their life most of them because if you really have problems in your life most people have real problems in their life they spend all the time trying to fix their issues on the problem they're not tweeting about it they're like oh i need to go do this because it's true they don't have time for twitter they're working and they're working too working so they have [ __ ] going on and then and then it just it doesn't even add up they're like oh i i didn't even know that was hit like you know when you ask somebody like in your family or a family friend you're like did you hear this happen they're like right what when you're like three months ago it's like the biggest thing in the world and they're like i had no idea yeah yeah it gives because our tour your what my uh my uh my my my manager once told me he was talking about he was like i was like oh man he got [ __ ] fired he did yeah hey he did yeah you're stealing money that's why guess what the jig is up the jig is up with the [ __ ] community with everybody who can help us the jig is up the piano middle man we found out how to get the drugs dude we don't need you patreon.com bay ridge boys american flags anybody who signs up gets a flag well you get two flags you get you get one you get a flag shirt and a flag hat uh and and it says right on there don't be a flag about it don't be a flag about it when you sign up for patreon.com you get a flag if you stop the subscription you get away zhongzhang and what is that you just could send someone to the house you get a picture of me oh cutie pie the big g-a-y chrissy d so so nobody knows this we're going to break this news here on my podcast right now that giannis is moving overseas people do you want to do you want to make the announcement people don't know that giannis the bay ridge boys is going to continue it's going to continue okay history hannah is going to keep going on you know there's a lot of 14 boys can't see it can't be stopped but giannis has decided to move to where do you want to tell us what country he's moving to i mean if you want to say the word decide you could say the word decide oh we want to be politically correct but giannis wanted to lie to me one of his best friends to his supporters to his comedy fans who wanted to lie and tell everyone that he's greek mr pano's character i'm greek i'm greek i'm greek yeah and then we find out because i did the research because i am an american citizen that he's from turkey which is in the middle east so he has to go he's got to go and he's deported now yeah that's enough that is enough so he's gone that's disgust i didn't even know disgusting that's disgusting chris disgusting i gave him a box of sand and i said go home well that's what he gets and that's what he gets for deceiving you you're his best friend you're his partner in crime yeah and here he is all these years so he goes but go to patreon.comridgeboys if you want to keep them out okay guys go to patreon.comridgeboys if you want to make sure that someone like giannis gets back to where he belongs exactly if you want a federal agent if we want our good heart our patreon money we take a big percentage of picture money and we we give it to the government to make sure there's always eyes on giannis to make sure he stays two feet in the middle east where he's from because you know what you guys have done enough for the government they should do more for you exactly and you're and you're doing it's a good duality because you told me when when this whole when the panty started you got a ppp loan from the government yeah like six thousand fifty six thousand and then and then i said that's a pretty good loan and you said i must've joked i must have broken up or something it was 156 000. yeah right you said 156 000 and we're spending most of this on pre-merch on of course the flag hat flag shirt i said where's the rest of it going and you said i'm working on a project to take care of somebody yes and my heart goes to oh my god someone's sick in the family yeah but no it was to get rid of yawn so get rid of the honest and then wei zhong zhang wei zhong zhang hey zhong zhan well i hope you win the case and honestly i don't think he deserves to stay in this country after all that turmoil that he's caused not at all because lying to you and saying i'm a greek i'm a greek i'm a greek and upon it's not funny anymore no it's not funny rude that you're he's not an american citizen nope so he's out so but you know but we're still going to try to do the uh do the podcast and um you know and uh and yeah i mean you know as best we can i mean what can you do i've i'm i'm i have a podcast that's i'm going to be starting with sal volcano um that hasn't uh come out yet because i just wanted to get like a cleaner image to get away from what's the one we're going to call it right now hey babe with uh chris stefano and sam volcano why does your name come first uh because i'm more famous than cell and i make more money so so that's why so that's why he spent 75 000 on one on one shoe he couldn't even find the other shoe yeah this guy's a shoe god he's got a female he's got a habit he's got a sh yeah he's got a hat he's got a shabbot he's got a shabbot shabbat so so we got that podcast coming out which uh should be coming out soon um so look out for that um because you know i'm obviously so busy i'm i'm i have a show in practical jokers that i do and i'm just very very busy so i can't that was with that show you're not on that show are you all right that sal show yeah nobody cares you're on a pilot yeah yeah i'm on a true tv pilot but what is the is the pilot gonna you think it's gonna do anything or no the pilot yeah 100 so it's going to take off people watch tv in 2020 people watch true tv that's where they walk that's where the eyeballs are they're on yeah they're on tv people watch television more than the internet and and anything else more than youtube you had a tv show yes a network show right what happened i they canned it they can't they canned it um did you like it uh i did i i actually did like it and then i illegally put it up on instagram illegally yeah illegally because you're not supposed to do that and i said [ __ ] sue me i said sumi because you know guess what you want to [ __ ] come and shoot me jeongjeong jong-jan and he did and he did and you've said right in the [ __ ] middle of the parking lot right what happened i just was walking and then all of a sudden i [ __ ] oh i'm walking and i get you know i i last thing i remember is i start to go i start to go uh a little like woozy i wake up i have uh you know like some some fluid coming out of my butt and uh and and a big hole in my pants and then there was a post-it on my head that said make america great again wei zhong zhang really yeah said donald trump's my best friend d-t-l-l-m yeah d-t-l-m d-t-l-m b-l-m oh yeah by the way all yeah uh yeah wait wait wait wait zhong zhang you gotta edit that out edit that one out edit that but how [ __ ] even wild is that if you said that you're [ __ ] done anything we've joked about could be we can be just buried it's wild though you can't just kidding you can't want but i mean to live in the country that way is wild well because because you we don't even realize it's like you know people like oh you know people uh vladimir putin or whatever silences people people go missing in communist china or people go missing in russia people go missing here too it's a it's hit jobs that people they don't get killed they go missing and career is over so it's the same in america as the people who want to go cancel but then we'll denounce communism it's like you're doing the same yes you just don't have to we just don't have to kill him with a gun you don't have to kill him with a gun now we just kill him with the internet kill him with the internet if you could kill someone with uh with the internet without a gun who would you kill if so you mean i'm not physically gonna murder them no if you have the ability to do what we do in america to somebody to just erase them because you don't like them who who will just get them out mm-hmm who do i [ __ ] want to just just get out just i'd like to just see that years you told me cuomo i don't know if it's still cuomo but do it for years nobody's had nobody's fallen off like governor cuomo i mean people love that guy in march yeah and then i mean the guy [ __ ] the [ __ ] in bed and it's just ruined he's trying to where is he now what do you think i don't [ __ ] know let's let's in our minds where is cuomo sitting right now right now probably he's pro [ __ ] governor cuomo he's probably sitting in the pedophile ring you think so i think he is i say he's sitting with the moussade i watched that documentary oh my god no it's crazy i don't [ __ ] know anything did you guys watch it we did we did but it's so nuts like you can't even [ __ ] it's insane i don't know but i i i yeah governor cuomo he's really him and de blasio it's really like it's it's discussing what they're doing to the italian name because we had a [ __ ] good italians had nice man they're really defaming italian i mean bro i've never this is true i've been living in new york city my whole life i've never seen two men universally hated by both sides as much as i mean the most liberals and republicans hate cuomo and de blasio i i think they both think that they have political career their political careers are over like they are hated in new york like new york new york as an entire city cannot stand those guys but it's crazy because everybody loved cuomo in march and what happened really though because people slip up for all the coronavirus stuff well people no no about the nursing homes it's it's i mean obviously that was you know i don't know that that was necessarily governor cuomo's decision i'm sure a lot of people had a hand in that it's the way he handles himself at the press conferences now like don't make me come down there the power thing it's like people like no no no like and keeping new york city closed as long as he has when we have virtually no cases is is real i mean the people are irate people i don't give a [ __ ] because go to patreon.com rich boys the money's piling in piling in piling it piling in so i don't give a [ __ ] i just [ __ ] lease the bmw dude i don't give a [ __ ] an x7 yeah i don't give a [ __ ] i'll get an x-9 i'll get a takashi bmw x9 seriously 100 you got that kind of money coming in yes dude you're a big dog big [ __ ] dog you're a big dog big dog but here's the thing yeah dude i'm fully drunk right now yeah yeah i know it just happens that's part of it we'll finish off we have to cut out anything that i said probably yeah right yeah i mean there's some stuff in there just but it happens every podcast you gotta cut something right seriously every podcast you have to cut something because you said something stupid on mine right most people like on me and bob's oh we cut a lot you have to because bobby says insane stuff and then i back it up and then we keep going and we get into just an insane place but you know that you have you you're saying it to know you're going to cut it yeah it's just fun to get it out that's what i did because you're not allowed to get it out sometimes why do you why do we feel like we're not allowed to get it out i don't know dude we should be able to just say it we definitely had some funny things though that are very that we could keep yeah you should keep there's a lot of it that you should keep like a lot of it that we're i think we're gonna put in there that's questionable and scary yeah look i can't deny that you're gay i can't deny that you're a hardcore republican who's gay well that's the thing if i say controversial things yeah but then i say but i'm liberal and i'm gay and i'm i'm waiting to get the money to become trans then are the things that i said okay then sure because are they only not okay because i look like i'm a republican straight white male but if i say i'm actually a gay woman that i want to transition then i think the things that i said are okay i think it is right is that that's how it pretty much works look are you allowed as a gay republican are you allowed to out loud support trump amongst the gay community or no um in our community no we can't the only time i've said trump 2020 is when i've had a dick in my mouth so you can't really make it out it's hard to hear yeah it's hard to hear so you know and listen i know a lot of people like oh chris enough with the gay jokes it's like you know after a while you kind of realize like it's not a joke maybe like how about maybe it's not a joke i've been saying this for a long time on my podcast i you know i fall in love with men i have sex with women well it's kind of blended to falling in love with men and having sex with men msm you know and so and the guy the comedy store uh guy i said any gnome and that's a lie and i i'm i'm gonna stand here right now and tell you i have aids and i got it from him jesus christ well so well magic beat it you know but i don't i don't have the money uh i've got the money well but a lot of my money is going to you know different [ __ ] campaigns that social justice issues are you a part of a super pac yes have you done be honest be a hundred percent honest have you donated donald trump's campaign no i haven't i have been honest i haven't donated to to uh to donald trump's campaign have you donated to a party that donates to donald trump's campaign um no have you ever shot that gap yes they donate they donate yeah i can go down the list of people that donate to donald trump's campaign it'll blow your mind how many people have you ever won adidas shoes yes trump interesting have you ever eaten at the olive garden no because of italian oh okay have you ever eaten red lobster though because i like black girls that's they're they're for biden okay they're for biden yeah uh have you ever have you ever been to can we say that or we can't say that can we keep that yeah okay that's fine right yeah have you ever um have you ever uh have you ever shopped at a dwayne reed uh yes trump trump good good have you ever uh planned parenthood have you ever used planned parenthood yes no a couple of girls gaiden that's spider-man okay it's it's easy to fight over where i lay i only will shop or use or employ things that i know are gonna support the party that i support yeah so you should be more diligent about what you support you know what i mean right where's your favorite place to buy clothes um like store yeah favorite favorite store to buy clothes marshalls or jc penney yeah i would say that yeah all navy old navy um aeropostale trump okay so okay well you're safe because that's that's your stuff but when you start to get into the others penguin you know penguin the oh the clothing brand trump trump okay polo i don't fit into their shirts you know no because i because i got leading man face best friend body [Music] so look chris and i are going on tour he's a little drunk i'm a little buzzed we're so happy that you listened please come see us everything we said is a joke except for some of the stuff that chris said you'll know which which is obvious it's just figure it out yeah you'll figure it out i know what it is come see us all right october 8 9 10 11. yeah uh go to the date in charlottesville we we're doing a secret date in charlottesville it's called it's all the time yes sss well we wanted to make it the ss sure we couldn't yeah yeah for some reason the restrictions all this [ __ ] no sir don's like you guys can't put any of this out october 8th delaware okay come see us live october 8th we're in uh wilmington delaware ninth butler pennsylvania pennsylvania which is near pittsburgh yeah scranton october 10th and cape cod massachusetts on october 11th october 11th so these are october boys and then also um do you have any other dates after that or is that just oh that's all i got but plug whatever you got what else october 23rd i'll be doing a cool thing i'm streaming a show you can buy it anywhere in the world wherever you are in the world right you know on october 23rd buy it you can buy it before and i'm gonna do like a special right into your living room so you know tickets twenty dollars you can invite a thousand people over it doesn't matter invite whoever you want over get some beers get some girls get some blow get some american flags and watch me do an hour right into your living room on october 23rd you go to chrisdcomedy.com go to christycomedy.com go watch this dude come see us live together go to anderson.com uh we end this episode the same way i'm gonna walk off you say one thing in a camera when i'm off one thing one word or phrase to end the episode go ahead when i'm off trump 2020 [Music] hey what's up christos stefano here um i just want to do a little promo for the steamy windows tour i'll be doing with andrew santino october 8th 9th 10th and 11th a lot of our fans have been reaching out to us and say what about a makeup tutorial like a lot of our fans like makeup they enjoy watching the makeup tutorials they wear a lot of makeup which by the way i want to let you know andrew and i have both decided we'll be doing all shows in complete white face there we go there we go so you do something like that if you want to feel good about yourself it's you know some may call it a phallic symbol you know dick faces proline felt tip eyeliner crayon eyeliner a punt farty i'm sorry i can't think sometimes when i get the makeup on my face i just can't think you put this on your lips right here and this is nice wow that looks now see that's that really looks nice please come check us out uh in delaware october 8th butler which is near pittsburgh october 9th i don't know why they couldn't just do the show in pittsburgh october 10th scranton pennsylvania who knows which way it's going to vote it is a swing state then october 11th in cape cod massachusetts which is clearly blue it always goes blue so i like to call them cucks we can certainly have sex with your wife while you watch it if that's what the people in cape cod like to do that'll be october 11 so please bring your wives we'll have the camera set up what is this what is all this what do you talk what do you mean we're doing a like a promo video this is it for the tour yeah but chris said that you guys were going to do a makeup tutorial for the tour no dude i was i was joking around like what are you talking about i i put the real makeup on what the [ __ ] are you serious why did you do that i flew across the country to do the makeup thing because i was saying and make it look like a makeup tutorial where it's like tight and close to the i don't i don't mean like put i don't want to put on makeup i went to cvs and more [ __ ] makeup why the water's gonna see this he already has covered i'm gonna kill him i said tell don make it look like a tutorial online i i meant like up close what the [ __ ] you gotta put the makeup on i'm not putting this on i'm sorry you look stupid and that's your fault we're gonna be touring these ghosts and i that's all i wanted to do was get fans out were you gonna pay for my father's funeral yeah fine well this tour will help pay come see us live in here [Music] [Music] i like ginger

Channel: Andrew Santino

Views: 230,814

Rating: 4.7512369 out of 5

Keywords: ymh, your moms house, bad friends, tigerbelly, jre, joe rogan, bill burr, dave chappelle, tom segura, bert kreischer, 2 bears 1 cave, theo von, all things comedy, comedy podcast, andrew santino, dave on fx, lil dicky, dave, curb your enthusiasm, tfatk, king and the sting, KAT, bobby lee, history hyenas, yannis pappas, andrew schulz, tim dillon, the tim dillon show, chris distefano, the bill bert podcast, kill tony

Id: aN65vKSmKEU

Length: 74min 9sec (4449 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 18 2020