when i was 9 i was a hardened criminal - skywars

welcome guys it's not so the sky works we're going to have to record this one as quickly as possible because my mom is tolling at my little sister's you're gonna have their friends over today and yes understand is that no recordings are going to be no recordings are going to be able to be made when there are like three to five eight-year-old girls in the same house I'm going to like barricade myself in my room and hope they spare my life because you guys understand that eight-year-old girls are some of the most savage bullies on the planet like the boys they'll just try to beat people up and I mean they're like a football you know I'm not the most muscular dude but if a group of like eight-year-old boys tries to beat me up I'm just going to like throw them out I'm just going to like pick them up and throw them they can't do anything to me obviously I have like zero upper body Springs but at least I'm like you know like 12 times as tall as them I'm sure someone's doing a math and like tech my way that doesn't add up you're not 12 foot tall well you don't know me how does this dude get out here thank you I guess understand is that like eight-year-old girls it doesn't sound like this it sounds like I'm just making one of those exaggerated jokes that I love to make what eight-year-old girls are legitimately the most savage bullies on the planet because they know that they don't they don't go for physical wounds they go for psychological wounds like they will go straight for your self-esteem your confidence they'll go straight for it man and you can't escape even if you're like an adult even if you're almost an adult like me I mean I'm going to be an adult in this ow I'm going to be an adult in a few months it doesn't feel like I'm going to be an adult but apparently I will I mean legally and even though I'm like you know good like four feet taller than them they don't care because they what am I going to do beat them up no I they know there is zero risk of me attacking them back so they're just gonna they can be as savage as they want like you know the children in Skyrim who are completely invincible by the way they're like the only thing you can't kill in that game and they talk mad trash because they know they're invincible even if you are the dragon court and you can't do anything to them because they're invincible I'm going to barricade myself in my room there's only two ways to get into my room and only one of the doors is a walk so I'm gonna actually barricade myself I started to barricade I have a few is you stacks of books over there but I'm going to like some chairs can put some more stacks of things I don't know we're gonna we're gonna go all out I can't really do anything until I get another parolee and we're back with an actual refilling past the life in the church is like wait why aren't you guys fighting well we might fight you if you wouldn't build your Fortress of Solitude I don't know I got only integrals so like I actually had bookshelf like I do well I could make I could break them get 24 books and make like a sharp this 12000 thing do you mind but that would take you know 12 years so we're just going like this hello I was a terrible student over here oh god no oh thank god I'm out please don't fall somewhere random in a girl please don't fall please I'm alive haha we're going to go back over here mm-hmm stab this do you actually have decent stuff now with me won't matter are you pulling out your bow bow was a well known for its great short range capabilities but since I can't rant long enough about eight-year-old girls to get enough Adsense I'm going to talk about my own elementary school experience because it was it was weird man I wasn't even like that weird of a child I just wanted like any good eight-year-old child to just go home and play pokemon that's all I wanted to do but the school administration oh I'm level hundred eighty-nine with school the school administration I for some reason they thought I was like the biggest bug ever like I was the next Al Capone just in training because they would not stop like sending me to the principal's office I don't know why I wouldn't even like do bad things like one time me and my friend we just wanted to play like it wasn't Club Penguin but it would like basically Club Penguin like it was like we wanted to go to some website for little children's games because we were like you don't we were nine actually but whatever take a duper big show and run away from all your problems now when they have enter Parolles you you can die and now this guy he can die too you didn't take any damage from that are you kidding me goodbye anyone else hmm oh I thought tell me how you wanted to go on this website but it was blocked by the school Wi-Fi and so we're like oh hey well the school life is physically set if you think that's what sites should gain access go fill out this form and so we we being able to read are like well it says to fill out this form so we did and then like maybe two weeks later both of us get dragged down to class and they're just like okay we got a very like we got like a really like panicky email from like the technicians or wherever they like they got they got this strange message and they they don't they don't know what's going on everything's on fire now do you mind on like Springs ran off a long time ago and ESP thank you showing how they they dragged us and stuff and there's like the technicians they got this is this is terrible and nice like they like so what's the piece of paper like printed it out like it's like a felony or something and the paper literally reads like that please enable this website pretty please with a cherry on top and they'd like they tracked it down they've tracked this down as hard in the criminals they figured out what computer the thing came from and like which students were using it at the time and just like that who cares and they banned us from the computers for like a month and eventually our parents figured it out and this is like my parents my parents were social in elementary school I get first they didn't realize the school was dumb so they picked I owe them and eventually like like halfway sometime in like fifth grade they realized the school is like run by idiots and my child isn't actually a thug it was eventually there's like but he didn't he filled out a form the world didn't end it told him to fill out a form so he did why are you punishing him being able to read you test him on reading comprehension anyhow but this wasn't even this wasn't even like this first or last time something like that happened they just would not they would not have doing things like that and if they tell my parents burned down a beloved or something it was insanely one time one time I got in trouble because for some reason I mean I was a little kid looking back on it this sounds pretty weird out of context but I guess I've been like tickling my friend at lunch again that sounds pretty weird Dallin I'm a 17 year old but you know I was what like eight nine back then so I guess it was only somewhat weird please leave me alone and keep your keep your judgment away from again I'm creeper ya win that one v1 you can do it don't you ran away from a creeper dude come on the creeper almost walked off by itself that's how land you walked off by yourself skywars players ladies gentlemen skywars players that anyhow the school phones my parents and tells them that I like beat up this kid like I punched him everything they're acting like I feed him within like an inch of his life and my parents like they free jacks they didn't realize the school was Thomas's this is when they first learned and they like they pulled me aside like dude you're like beating up kids how can you look I didn't I literally just tickled him why is everyone panicking like really like yeah until I go and they asked the school the school they go yeah but I mean it's still it's still not imaged to me like why did you say he punched why why what couldn't you just and that's that's the last time they that's the last time they took the school's word for things man it was it was just so satisfying to have my parents on my side after that man it's like whatever that school was just like he literally burned down the entire schoolers like so what did he really do oh well he said he said crap like oh okay so um we don't we don't care I don't know it was it was it was an interest in school to go to my middle school and the high school night now they're there administration is chill I don't know what it was with and I'm pretty sure they probably changed the administration might now consider this was like actually like 9 10 years ago or so I don't know what it was but yeah that you just walked off the mat by yourself now you usually the point in the game where skywards played let's do that please please thank you it took a while but yeah it was going to happen inevitably I have I have enter pearl towards this latitude it's a secret plans and just wait around until I walk off the map because that would be a pretty devastating strategy I'd give it about an 80% success rate now there is no that not really a spot you want to stand in that a really a spot you want to stand in that is really a spotty one substandard this is your plan I'm going him you know what I don't fear anything no no don't blow me there no no no you have to fight you can't just ride your problems away forever please oh my God he's actually gonna do you know what no I don't I deal with this treatment I can ascend up earlier you off the map thank you we're still okay okay we're done here we're done no you don't get to survival that that's not how video games work the last one these incidents was in fifth grade and so this year stood two people we need background information on so I have this friend who were going to help Perry and he was very very short and I was somewhat tall so basically idea was a pretty dramatic height difference that's all you need to know about him all the personality traits you need to know you was short you can it's going to be a good story trust me lots of character development beautiful plot everything I mean how and the other person is who were going to call mrs. a short for Adel because child friendly content anyhow so the thing is on channel hers that I'm not quite sure what her job with the school was all she pretty much did was like sit around at lunch and make sure all the kids didn't like died in a fire while no one was looking but the thing is that she actually kind of I always got the impression she hated children so I'm not sure why she chose a job at a school where she had to deal pretty much exclusively with children but I mean these things happen I'm trying I'm trying to tell a story here let me fall off yeah you fell off by oh my god so she was like an old lady could very poor eyesight all all all those stereotypes put together and so anyhow there we are we're playing at lunch one day with a frisbee and those bell rings we got to go back to class but one of my friends Perry tries to fight me for the frisbee and I mean it's like it's a totally joke fighting basically both grab onto the frisbee and toll and maybe and you know three times as tall as him I win and he falls over doesn't get injured at all literally instantly jumps up laughing and we both run back to class with the rest of our friends and we get like five steps before we hear some voice call out across the field hey I don't know how to do an angry hey I've never been able to replicate it but it was like hey but also extended like dramatically like Gandalf going you shall not pass and you know this is not the most important detailed Ettore and so it's mrs. a and she drags us both and all our friends are looking at us like what's going on so she dragged us both to the principal's office and were just like why and we get to the principal's office and we're just like do you guys know why we're here and we're like no no one told us kinda like and so she just straight up without even like blinking she just like looks principled editing okay I'm gonna have to killing two people bright learn how to speak English again thank you mm-hmm there's another guy I can hear him no there will be no survivin you do you want to you want to be you want to be another guy who gets in my way hmm how did the other guy live oh my god there was a why is there a ladder there who designed this you know you know what we're just the last guy alive if I kill a mask doing all around so we're just gonna we're gonna let him panic they're always set up a TNT trap so anyhow she just looks the principal dead in the eye and goes like she says she watched me hiccup Perry and like throw him against the ground like an angry Hulk like I don't know why she thought this was a believable story and the principal just like is this true and it's like me and Perry erson he's like no and I'm sitting in the back like I got news oh crap I'm just like I have so many witnesses and I'm being accused by this lady who needs like three pairs of glasses simultaneously leave me alone and so but the stupidest thing was they tried not only were they trying to punish me they were trying to punish Perry just as much I'm sitting here like that doesn't if you thought I was bullying him why would you punish him how does that make sense and anyhow so they call our parents and they're acting like oh well this could be an infraction we could prevent them from graduating and you're like what your elementary school teachers your diploma doesn't mean anything it's like a participation award like you did it you passed fifth grade you think I'm going to like be held back in the future like oh well you see you're perfectly qualified from this job but you don't it says here you didn't graduate fifth grade I mean you graduated high school but you really needed the fifth grade diploma that's really what matters I don't know why they thought their school was important anyhow and they're like trying to get us both punished and it's yeah my parents definitely they stayed caught on by this point so there's like yeah sure whatever they were trying to pass it off it's like a bully in charge or whatever and then also punish the kid being bullied because what is justice no one knows I mean how nothing actually happened and I graduated as it turns out I didn't become a drug dealer like they predicted I'm just now even bigger nerd than I was back then so close enough now it's not so this guy was guys hope you guys enjoy it is we like maybe I don't know we've like least I need it to fuel my ego and repair I need to fortify my ego before the eight-year-old girls come and rip it apart okay because they're going to they will mock me relentlessly even if I keep them out of the room they'll just stand outside laughing laughing at me so please leave a like fortify my ego thank you guys bye

Channel: Technoblade

Views: 4,450,270

Keywords: Hypixel, Hypixel Network, Hypixel Skywars, Skywars, Minecraft, Minecraft Skywars, Technoblade Skywars, Technothepig Skywars, Technoblade, Technothepig, Skywars PVP, minecraft skywars, pvp, minecraft trolling, trolling in minecraft, trolling on minecraft

Id: QLMtaL-JoiM

Length: 14min 45sec (885 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 12 2017