What The Hell Happened This Week? - Week of 6/06/2022 | The Daily Show

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] north korea voted korea of the year by north korea magazine for the past three decades a few years ago most people thought the only way the world was going to end was if north korea's marshmallow dictator decided to kick off a nuclear apocalypse but since then we've all learned that there are actually many ways the world could end it could be a global pandemic it could be russia starting a world war it could be apple letting you edit imessages i didn't say that so obviously people haven't been paying as much attention to north korea lately which is probably why kim jong-un has decided to remind us that he still exists we're going to turn to north korea launching a new round of missile tests the regime firing off eight rockets over the weekend in the u.s and south korea launching missiles in response in a show of force the u.s and south korea sent eight surface-to-surface missiles into the sea that's after north korea did the same just hours earlier there is no direct communication that we know of between the biden administration and the north korean regime so instead both sides seem to be communicating through missile launches huh the u.s and north korea are communicating using missile launches that's adorable it really is it's so different missile missile you up missile missile no for real it actually sounds like a couple that really needs therapy you know it's just like and what do you do when she shuts you out i launch missiles and what are we supposed to do talk to the u.n you know people say that black people and white people can't get along but i don't know what hope there is in the world if north and south korea can't even get along yeah they're both korean looking at the other one like these koreans man and you know who i feel really bad for those missiles yeah the missiles that were shot into the ocean because think about it they think they have a specific purpose to blow up in glorious combat but then they just end up being used for a show it must hurt their feelings it's like being a condom that gets put on a banana for sex ed class i was meant for greater things damn it [Applause] but joking aside though joking aside i want to be serious for a moment here because let me get this straight north korea and south korea and the united states are now launching missile after missile into the ocean but i'm not allowed to use plastic straws huh is that right is that right i'm out here trying to do my part using a straw that dissolves the second i put it into my drink the second i put it in i don't even know what i'm drinking what are you having trevor oh a tequila paper mache yeah i saved the turtle the one that got shot by a ballistic missile what does the ocean have to do with our beef huh those creatures are down there just trying to live their lives they don't need to deal with missiles from human conflicts can you imagine what it's like for them are real life is better under the sea we roll in the waves the fish swim in the seaweed oh no oh no everybody's dead everybody's dead the fish are all dead under the sea ariel don't got no legs or a head and the worst part is having my accent makes me sound jolly even when i'm not this is where i wish i was from germany this accent doesn't convey the tragedy of this terrible crime that's happened under the sea [Applause] [Music] [Applause] but enough about those north korean missile strikes there are bigger threats here at home people that we need to deal with and yes i'm talking about the danger of trans children playing sports which luckily lawmakers in ohio are ready to take a really hard look at so as we enter pride month the gop controlled ohio state legislature passing one of the most extreme transport bands we've seen to date that bill including a shocking provision that calls for examining the genitals of female athletes who are quote accused of being trans the proposed rules would prohibit any trans girl from competing with cisgender girls it also has a verification requirement if somebody is accused of being trans the bill says if someone is suspected to be trans she must go through evaluations of her external and internal genitalia testosterone levels and genetic makeup yeah that's right america you asked lawmakers to protect your kids from guns and they said we got you we're gonna look at your kids genitals i feel like there was a miscommunication there because which one do you think is more traumatizing to your kid honest question what do you think's more traumatizing to a child than losing a race in high school or them winning the race and then having to get probed by a doctor to see if their genitals are what the right size because it's bad enough to target trans girls but you you understand this law actually targets all girls right or at least all the girls who are too good at the sport yeah because you know how this is going to turn out i've seen enough american parents beating each other up at little league games to know that this is going to be weaponized to win a game it's only a matter of time before a softball pitcher strikes out three goals in a row and then the parents gonna rush the field like genital check no way she's throwing 95 with two x chromosomes no ways show me that dad who are they gonna find to do these examinations huh who's even gonna do this what every dude wearing one of those female body inspector t-shirts are they gonna be drafted into service now no it was just a joke i don't actually have any training in this area so obviously you understand why there's backlash to this bill in fact some doctors in ohio are saying that they refuse to investigate children's genitals as part of this law yeah which is good but i mean i also don't agree with it you know if they wanted to stand back and do nothing to keep our kids safe then they should have become police officers all right finally too true to real all right finally as you may know a couple of weeks from now america will be celebrating juneteenth the holiday commemorating the end of slavery or as tucker carlson would put it the day millions of african americans became unemployed is that progress anyway because juneteenth is now a federal holiday more people are celebrating than ever before the only problem is not everyone knows the best way to celebrate walmart is under fire for selling juneteenth products that some people say are tone deaf and insensitive the products have been lambasted by many online after pictures of juneteenth ice cream and party supplies surfaced the children's museum of indianapolis is apologizing after backlash to a juneteenth inspired food item in its cafeteria the museum offered the juneteenth watermelon salad the museum released a statement saying in part as a museum we apologize and acknowledge the negative impact that stereotypes have on communities of color oh this [ __ ] pisses me off so much how are you gonna make a juneteenth ice cream huh i hope they took it all off the shelves and they got rid of it in fact i don't trust them i hope they send it here to the daily show and i'll i'll deal with it personally oh every single one of those ice cream any other ideas they have ice cream they better send them here just what a randomness what are you doing what are you doing you know apart from the watermelon black people stereotypes it's amazing to me how america does this like they turn every meaningful holiday into an excuse to spend money like that's part of the problem here you don't need to sell things for juneteenth juneteenth wasn't even a mainstream thing last year think about it but now already they've turned it into a day of merch and look i mean i'm not hating you know we we we do it too here on the show yeah i mean this whole segment is brought to you by taco bell's brand new flaming dune team corditas taco bell emancipate your taste buds [Applause] [Music] language like when i say the word turkey what do you think of probably a big bird that people eat while arguing with their family about whether or not gender is a spectrum right yeah well the country of turkey knows that's what you think about when you hear their name and they're sick of that [ __ ] the country of turkey is ready to change its name officials have notified the united nations asking that the country be referred to as turkey a the way it's spelled and pronounced in turkish it's a way to disassociate its name from the bird and negative connotations that sometimes come with it the official request follows the release of an ad campaign promoting the new name hey mom i just landed oh hello turkia hello turkey [Applause] hello yay hey cookie yay i like this i like this and i'm willing i'm willing to start saying turkey i don't mind but i refuse to use those little dots over the u alright and this has nothing to do with turkey and everything to do with drawing a line for how many keyboards i'm willing to have on my phone i'm already three keyboards deep i've got emoji keyboards i've got my gift keyboard then my symbols keyboard then a secret symbols keyboard behind that keyboard now i'm going to add another keyboard so i can type a u with the dots that make it look like it's staring at me it's too much it's too much turkey and i know what some of you are saying right now you're like oh trevor you don't need another keyboard you can just hold down the u key yeah but it's about the extra effort do you use your thumbs too much they're going to bulk up i'm trying to get mine long and slender for the summer baby that's right so i'll say turkey but you got to help me help you and not the you with the dots turkey all right because no i get why turkey's doing this i get it a country's name is its brand nobody wants their brand associated with an animal that people don't even like that much i mean if you're going to get mistaken for a bird at least let it be a bird with some flavor some juice you know like if their country was named spicy chicken sandwich they wouldn't be changing anything i would say turkey should just know this though just because they got the u.n to agree on this doesn't mean that people are actually going to start calling them turkey yay it's not that easy trust me i know this back in middle school i tried to get everyone to call me travolva yeah and they just laughed like you guys did now they said it was a stupid name which i guess in retrospect it kind of was you know unless you guys like it no okay you're fine travolva travolta noise is stupid forget it let's move on wait did someone say it was cool no okay i just thought i heard someone say it is a cool because it could no all right still no all right i actually think this is a good idea you know what a lot of countries should be updating their names yeah they're just updated to make it modern you're like this isn't the united states of america let's be honest it's more like the states that barely put up with each other of america yeah every country like greece makes it sound messy but it's not hungary what if they've eaten yeah niger well you need to change that name to be safe you just need to change that name to be safe i bet you right now they're losing a ton of white people tourism because there's a lot of white people are too nervous to type that into expedia it's just like i'm heading to n n.i.g you know what i'm just going to paris i'm just going to go to paris i'm just going to paris i don't want any trouble here let me go to paris [Applause] but let's move on to some other international news because while turkey is changing its name russia has spent the past three months trying to change ukraine's name to russia junior but ukraine isn't the only country suffering from russia's invasion yeah what many people might not know is that ukraine is one of the world's top producers of grain but as part of its invasion russia is blocking ukraine's ports and intercepting the grain so now the world is facing a grain shortage which russia is taking advantage of the u.s has given out about 14 countries a heads up about stolen ukrainian grain u.s officials say that russia stole grain from ukraine and alerted these other countries mainly in africa that russia will probably sell it policy experts say faced with starvation most countries in the area likely won't hesitate to buy from russia the director of one african think tank told the new york times quote this is not a dilemma africans don't care where they get their food from and if someone is going to moralize about that they are mistaken okay okay whoa whoa whoa whoa i get what you're saying but africans don't care where they get their food from come on don't put it like that yes some parts of africa are suffering from famine and their leaders can't afford to take the moral high ground because they need the food but not just africans don't care where they get their food from it makes it sound like us africans were just running around on the sidewalk grabbing people's branches out of their plates just like ha ha you did not got your brioche it's mine now and by the way just in case you're wondering africans are going to use the grain to make like bread and [ __ ] okay these stories always make it sound like africans are just gonna eat the grain right out of the sack make it sound like that with us this is like ah we love this i put the green in my mouth huh i know that's what you guys are picturing in your heads i know it i said we need grain and you guys were like i guess they eat grain i guess that's what they do we cook the situation is really messed up not only is russia stealing ukraine's grain they're causing a food shortage in the rest of the world and then they're going to sell the grain to make up for the shortage that they're causing and can we just take a moment to acknowledge how humiliating this is for russia when they started this invasion putin was like our glorious army will conquer ukraine for new russian empire and now he's just like okay plan b let's just rob this [ __ ] okay we just go to steal we just go to steal now [Music] [Applause] you went from being all high and mighty and now the dude's basically on the corner in africa like you got do you want green i got green you want green i got grain i also got the rolex i got the rolex just the good stuff just the good stuff you want the grain i got the grain let's move on from the war in ukraine so the war zone that is america ever since the uvalde school shooting congress has been working hard to craft sensible gun safety measures that can be narrowly defeated at the last minute but a lot of people are trying to make this time different i mean just today matthew mcconaughey who's from uvalde was at the white house pushing for reforms unfortunately though nobody really expects a lot to change now that's where there is an upside to living in the states that barely put up with each other of america right and that is individual states can break off and pass their own gun laws which is exactly what's happening right here in new york new york bolstered its already tough gun laws some of the strictest in the nation governor holcol signed a package of gun reform bills yesterday now among them a measure that bans the sale of semi-automatic rifles to anybody under 21. new buyers are also required to obtain a permit also red flag laws are expanding body armor for civilians is outlawed an ammo for semi-automatic handguns is required to be micro-stamped to make it easier to trace hulkel celebrated the new laws in the bronx it's just keeps happening shots ring out flags come down and nothing ever changes except here in new york wow [Applause] wow this is this is so weird a mass shooting happened and then politicians did something i didn't even know that that was possible yeah it's like i showed up to mcdonald's and the mcflurry machine is working it's just i don't even know how to react to this dude do i clap am i supposed to tip what's a good tip for passing gun or 10 i'm sure it's 10 you know what this feels like this feels like when you're ready to argue with your partner and before you can say anything they just apologize right yeah now you've got a throat full of screams and nothing to do with it it's like thank you i appreciate your apology i love you too and new york made a lot of changes for instance it's raising the minimum age on semi-automatic rifles which seems like common sense to me you know although in my opinion instead of 21 i feel like it should be 21 and four days yeah because i don't want someone buying a gun on the same night that they're slamming 10 shots of jaeger just spread it out you know new york is also going to be banning body armor and that makes sense in fact this is the first state in the country to do it which is a great idea in fact they should also ban under armour while they're at it yeah it's not about the shootings i'm just tired of seeing people's nipples on the train you know i get it you work out [Applause] and i know i know some people are saying but wait i'm not a shooter i just want body armor for my protection don't worry you don't need body armor right if you're not doing anything in nefarious you don't need body armor yeah something i've learned from american movies is that you just need to keep a precious family heirloom on your body that stops any bullets any time she's like oh thank god my mom's bible stop the bullets oh thank goodness my grandpa's pocket watch saved me oh thank god i carry grandma's cherished dildo with me all the time saved my life once again thank you grandma thank you so much i'm just going to let that soak in for a second all right finally let's move on to a story about cnn which stands for cable news ninjas anyway for years cnn has been notorious for overhyping every story like it's you know the zombie apocalypse she's like breaking news the midterm elections are now six months away and not surprisingly this approach has started to backfire as viewers have learned to tune it out you know like the boy who cried wolf or in this case the wolf who cried wolf so because of that because of that cnn is making a big change we start here with breaking news about breaking news involving cnn the network has a new boss and he says cnn is now cutting back on over hyping everything is quote breaking news so much so that cnn has actually added a breaking news guideline to its style book so you'll soon see a lot less of that breaking news banner at the bottom of the tv screen yes cnn is cutting back on the overuse of breaking news and to celebrate it immediately put up a countdown clock to the moment when it'll officially reduce the amount of breaking news very exciting one thing at a time [Music] look look people the truth is the truth is most stories aren't giant news in that way i'm glad they're doing this you know great job chris licht there's only been like three breaking news stories of the past two decades let's be honest like 9 11 coronavirus and that time that guy put salt on his food but from up here yeah most people put the salt from like down here but he did it from up here yo i do change the game it's a technique it's a whole thing and now that cnn is acknowledging this now that they're acknowledging that not everything is breaking news maybe just maybe all of cable news can acknowledge that maybe news doesn't need to be 24 hours maybe huh it's not necessary you know maybe you can wait to get all the facts and tell us the correct story at the end of the day just me possibly i mean think about it think about it think about it honestly the first 10 hours of any news story on cable news is just speculation breaking news we're hearing that a tiger has escaped from the zoo and mauled 10 people it's a sad day hold on hold on slight clarification we're now hearing that the tiger was in the mall and the mall has 10 people everybody is alive and oh hold on our sources on the ground are telling us it's not a tiger it's a panda express there is a panda express in the mall we're going to stay on top of this story for the next 24 hours breaking news [Applause] here's the thing even when there is news most of it isn't that exciting right it's just everyday stuff that's boring but important the economy is up the economy is down the government is doing something or more likely not doing something you know so this is good and to lower expectations cnn is actually replacing breaking news with a new graphic for stories that are just normal stuff and we have an exclusive look at what that'll be [Music] it's perfect i think they did a great job well done cnn [Music] january 6th it's why your uncle is calling you from a prison phone january 6th wasn't just a way for q anon members to get their steps in it was the culmination of a high level plot to overturn the election results and now after a year of gathering evidence and speaking to over one 000 witnesses the january 6th committee in congress is ready to spill the tea on what actually went down prime time hearings the january 6 committee set to take their case to the american public how they plan to argue that donald trump and his supporters planned the insurrection in an effort to overturn the presidential election the committee and its members really want these hearings to be blockbuster watergate style hearings and they are meticulously crafted they're trying to make sure that this does not look like other congressional hearings maryland rep jamie raskin has said that he expects that the hearings will blow the roof off of the house yeah that's right the january 6th hearings are starting tomorrow and every broadcast network every cable news network is going to be covering this obviously except fox yeah yeah they're going to be spending all night talking about the real culprits why is nobody talking about how congress has too many doors if there was only one door in and out this never would have happened the crowd would have peacefully dispersed after hanging mike pence huh you know who's going to be told about the coverage of this donald trump yeah because think about on the one hand he doesn't want anyone to know what he did on january 6th but on the other hand you know he would love his hearings to get the highest ratings of all time you know it he's going to be out there like don't watch the hearings folks the fake news is saying i overthrew the government which i didn't do but it was the biggest overthrow of all time but i didn't do it i didn't do it at all watch the hearings you'll see you'll so the democrats are hoping that these hearings are going to finish trump off the same way that watergate finished off nixon but the difference is those watergate hearings happened back in the 1970s that was a different time they only had what three channels back then yeah americans only choice for entertainment in 1973 was either watching the watergate hearings or chain smoking in between heart attacks that's all they could do and i'll tell you this now if the democrats want everyone to watch if they want americans to pay attention they can't just have their regular boring ass hearings you know you know those hearings where they act like they just dropped the bombshell and the rest of us have no idea why but you'll never believe what happened next the white house counsel emailed the chief of staff and he bcc the assistant white house counsel wait why are all the cameras leaving what's going on what's going on no no what they need to do you want people to watch in america is you have to spice things up you know have a kiss cam going for the witnesses yeah get shakira to do a half-time show oh oh you know what they should just get sex involved i'm gonna say it yeah that's what made the bill clinton scandal so big yeah you gotta give people sex stuff like i don't know like that guy who stole the podium did he have sex with it afterwards or that guy who dressed in the animal skins that was a sex thing right that had to be a sex thing you know actually i've been thinking about this hard and i figured it out americans like entertainment congress wants americans to pay attention to politics those two don't mix but there is one person who can make political machinations interesting for the masses there's only one man lin-manuel miranda how could a red-head right-wing you would not support break the border to get into the capital supporting law and order in the room where it happens the room where it happens but yo we don't talk about bruno no no five bernie high five high five [Applause] all right let's move on to some international news because while america is trying its hardest to preserve its democracy europe is tackling major problems of its own iphone charges the european union is officially adopting a common charger the usb-c that's the type of charger already used in most android phones and other devices all electronics sold in the eu will have to use a usb-c port that's in order to reduce cable clutter and electronic waste apple has their own proprietary charger and they say the proposed rule could render as many as a billion devices obsolete oh really apple you're mad about a change coming out of nowhere that's going to render a billion devices obsolete oh that's funny because i've got a drawer full of wired headphones that agree with you now you know [Applause] and you know apple claims they claim that this new regulation is going to hurt them financially but guys let's be real apple always finds a way to win you know they have the regulation but they'll find a way to spin this into making money even if it's off of this thanks to the eu your old phone is obsolete now and in the old days you might have just thrown it into the garbage but not anymore introducing the eye garbage a groundbreaking new way to throw out your phone it's basically a regular garbage can but like it's got round edges and it's kind of shiny anyway it's a thousand dollars i'm gonna buy one of those i will say this if the usbc is going to become the default charger around the world they've got to come up with a better name than usbc that's boring no one wants to say that you know like apple they went with lightning charger yeah it makes you want to charge your phone usbc sounds like you're filling out taxes with that did you fill out your usbc can to change the name to something more badass you know want to charge your phone so fast your dick falls off you need the thunderblaster [Applause] yeah that's the sound it makes every time you charge your phone and by the way can i can i just say how crazy it is that america is struggling like how do we protect our children from gun violence oh how do we stop people from starving even when they work three jobs there's nothing we can do meanwhile europe is so far ahead they truly have first world problems you know they're like you know i was thinking about this when i was in the doctor's office not paying the other day but isn't it so stressful how you have like one charger but then you need like a different charger i was thinking about this i mean you know there are many changes we could make here i learned about this in universities that i also didn't have to pay for you know you can like apply your mind and you can do this you know it's all about your perspective guys all right i'm going on paternity leave for an entire year see you guys later auf wiedersehen choose [Applause] all right enough about europe right now there's an even even bigger story brewing in the world of sports you know usually in golf the biggest controversy is that a player wore a two colorful shirts you know or someone said a bad word after they sliced their shot this time though golf is tied up in a real scandal because some of its star players are switching to a new league launching in saudi arabia it's caused a major split in the golfing world a controversial saudi-backed golf series tease off tomorrow the tournament has secured several big names despite threats from the pga tour to sanction them american golfer dustin johnson quitting the pga and joining the controversial league backed by saudi arabia and this is coming after phil mickelson announced his comeback by joining the same league despite previously describing the saudi regime as scary mfers who have a horrible record on human rights i understand that many people have very strong opinions and may disagree with my decision but at this time this is uh an opportunity that gives me a chance to have the most balance uh in my life uh going forward and i think this is going to do a lot of good for the game we all agree that when phil mickelson says this gives him the most balance in my life he means money right i mean just say money the reason i'm here is money yeah because the saudis are reportedly paying him 200 million dollars yeah so just say it's the money stop coming up with all these stories i would say that the audience vows him i wouldn't even play those games i'd be like yeah you know why i'm going to saudi arabia they're giving me 200 million dollars 200 million dollars busy talking to me why are you going why i'll give you a million dollars if you shut the [ __ ] up busy acting like you've ever had to make this decision people are kidding themselves about their morals everyone's like i can't believe he's doing you telling me that for 200 million dollars you wouldn't play golf for the saudis hell let me tell you that for 200 million i would let the rule of saudi arabia set up his tea on my crutch that's where he can hit it from i can buy a new crutch with that money a better crutch i'll be honest with you i am torn when it comes to this issue because on the one hand i do think boycotting a country like saudi arabia could effectively push them to create a less oppressive society i believe that happened with south africa during apartheid people boycotted the country was embarrassed changed on the other hand there's an argument that maybe by bringing them in and exposing them to the rest of the world that might cause liberal values to infiltrate their societies you know because it starts with golf then over time it's racket sports squash tennis yeah yeah and now they're wearing shorts ooh getting more liberal yeah then maybe you at a bar where people men and women can hang out after their activities and then boom you got a liberal society or at the very least a country club it's progress i mean the real question here is why why would you even want to play golf in saudi arabia in the first place the sand trap is the entire country what are you doing what are you doing all right finally if you're one of those people who can't seem to arrive on time for any meeting or any date or any event in your calendar well according to trend watchers your time is up being fashionably late is no longer in fashion according to a new york times article it argues that now being fashionably late is out of fashion that punctuality is cool in the third year the pandemic apparently people are less sympathetic for old excuses of why you show up late to a meeting the author of this says that now that more people have to go back into the office they are more protective of their time that they gotta be there and less forgiving about people who are late that's right people being on time is cool now we're putting the punk in punctuality yeah someone just charged their phone but still let's let's not get carried away with this all right i agree yes it is good to be on time especially for big things you know like meetings at work or your wedding yeah you don't want to be late for that especially if you're the bride because then like the organ player they're gonna have to fill time you know and just be like dun look i agree i agree i think it is good for people to arrive on time but i will say this i hate this culture of people who are personally offended by people who weren't there on the dot oh you disrespected my time and you disrespected my family calm down you'll get so touchy about it you weren't your entire yo back in the day i get it you had to wait at the mall until your friends showed up you didn't know where they were you know if they were late or dead you had no clue yeah you didn't even know if you were stood up for a date until you saw the person the next time hey what happened oh i got married what but in 2022 no one should be pissed off that they had to wait a little bit for somebody to show up you've got a phone people use it right read the news play a game learn japanese or maybe you should answer one of those 2 000 unread emails that i've seen on your phone oh i was waiting for you they're waiting for you you're going to be mad that i'm late to dinner then when i finally get to dinner you spend half of the time looking at your phone why didn't you do this [ __ ] before i got there huh why you got the phone music no i'm late no trevor you came late you came late trevor i'm not late i'm giving you an opportunity to watch things on i'm giving you an opportunity to watch a video of an orangutan pulling a guy through a cage yeah pulling a mat you've seen me before you've never seen an orangutan pull a grown man into a cage and then another guy comes to help him and the orangutan blocks him with his foot and that other guy's like all right i'm not helping anymore this [ __ ] is crazy and if you haven't seen that video that's because you're probably always on time [Music] the price of gas aka petrol aka car cocaine there are a few commodities out there that affect the cost of living more than gas you know it's how we get to work it's how we ship products across the country and it's how we let our ex know that we busted them cheating now i don't need to tell you that over the past few months the price of gas has been climbing faster than your grandpa's heart rate on viagra in fact gas is so expensive instead of champagne bowlers have started ordering canisters of premium at the club yeah i was like that club was really lit and as the national average in america hits five dollars a gallon for the first time ever people all over the country are doing whatever they can to stretch a tank as far as they can for a nation that feels like it's stuck right now in gas gridlock many drivers aren't sitting idle with soaring costs they're getting creative my salary hasn't changed so i carpool with my sister to work uh one week she drives and the one week i drive i just bought the motorcycles because now for 20 bucks i use like for three days to four days it saves me a lot at a time gas prices are so high bike sales are exploding i've moved to the city i don't need my car um can't afford gas and even google maps is your friend with an option to navigate based on fewer hills and traffic even police departments are under strain this michigan sheriff's office is feeling the pain at the pump as well according to its facebook post and has advised deputies to manage non-urgent calls over the phone well well well i guess joe biden did end up defunding the police yes the secret was just defunding everyone at the same time so we didn't notice i see you joe very slick but yeah gas prices are so high even police have to do their jobs over the phone which you got to admit is going to be tough for some cops you know she's going to be like all right sir are you black okay then i'm going to have to ask you to whip your own ass a little bit yeah just frisk yourself for no reason just to be safe you know who's actually going to be hit the hottest by this right it's the carons yeah cause they're the main people calling the cops with non-urgent shits they're like hello police there's a black man at the grocery store buying tricks cereal which is illegal because tricks are for kids hurry hurry quickly all over the country americans are doing anything they can to save on gas carpooling switching to motorcycles [ __ ] i pretended to be sick this morning just to get a free ambulance ride to work it's definitely aids monkey boxy bowler i don't think i'm gonna make it i don't know how much longer i have oh wait that's my office you guys can put you can drop me off here yeah i'm gonna pull through i'm gonna pull through you guys can pull over here i'm good i'm good yeah i'm good i'll see you guys tomorrow all right bye-bye bye-bye you know for real though it's actually times like this but a lot of people are glad they live in new york city because you don't need to pay for gas here right you can walk you can ride a bike you can take the subway and then with all that money that you've saved not buying gas you can afford a room the size of a coffin yeah in new york concrete jungle where you have 10 roommates there's no space for any of you that was a verse they cut out of the song but it goes to show you how desperate times are america will do anything to save on gas right now i mean not investing in mass transit obviously but anything else anything else and that means we're gonna have to move on because unfortunately gas prices aren't the only problem affecting american people right now and yes i'm talking about guns the never-ending problem that america just can't seem to solve which now that i think about it maybe america shouldn't keep hitting the same brick wall maybe america can just use some of its problems to solve some of its other problems you know yeah like maybe the price of gas will get so high that mass shooters won't be able to drive to a gun store to buy weapons in the first place you don't need red flag laws if gas is 40 a gallon but until that happens lawmakers in congress are trying to find any measure that can help reduce the amount of guns that end up in the hands of mad men and yesterday the house took action a major legislative package on new gun measures is headed to the senate after passing in the house yesterday by a 223 to 204 vote lawmakers approved the protecting our kids act the legislation is a collection of six new gun safety measures including raising the minimum age to buy semi-automatic rifles from 18 to 21 and requiring that all firearms be traceable five republicans joined democrats and also supported the bill it is however unlikely to pass in the senate where control is evenly split one republican congressman who voted against the bill congressman steve scalise explained his opposition to new gun control laws i go back to september 11th airplanes were used that day as the weapon to kill thousands of people and to inflict terror on our country there wasn't a conversation about banning airplanes wow wow that is a good point i can't think of any way flying changed after 9 11. now if you'll excuse me i have to get to the airport 15 hours early so the tsa has time to run a background check on my shampoo to see if it has any links to isis this is a terrible comparison nobody's trying to ban all guns they're trying to add small measures to make people more safe which is exactly what happened to air travel after 9 11. i mean do you even remember what airport security was like before 9 11 you could basically walk onto a plane and just browse around like it was in ikea yeah you could just be like no i don't have a ticket i just wanted to check out the cockpit this is nice this is what does this do boop boop this is fun all right have a safe trap but this is the problem you see this is the problem that gun lovers have in america there's nothing else that is as unregulated as they want guns to be so their options and like the analogies they use always don't make sense they're always like cars kill people too but you don't regulate that wait wait actually i mean alcohol kills people too but they wait actually no way medicine kills people too but we don't regulate oh no wait we do uh let me think guns kill people but we don't regulate those huh see what i did no that's i've gone back on myself that's what i've done but despite despite these dumbass objections from people like steve scalise the house still passed a gun control bill the only problem is that everyone already knows that it has zero chance of passing in the senate which has got to be rough for the house you know you work so hard on something that you know is going to lose you know they're like the new york knicks of legislation like what a weird system in america where one chamber of congress spends all this time passing legislation that they know the other chamber is going to shoot down it's such a strange system normal for america crazy for most of the world america is basically doing that thing that parents do with their kids you know you know those parents that aren't on the same page like you ask your dad dad can we eat ice cream for dinner and he's like yeah sounds good to me but you gotta ask your mom and you know mom is gonna say no so i should have just asked her why are you even a part of this process well if i get your mom on the record saying no then i can run ads against her next year and then we can get a new cooler mom yeah what's especially interesting to me is that as modest as this bill is only five republicans voted for it only five and get this four of them aren't running for re-election yeah which is really interesting you know time and time again you see whenever republicans aren't worried about pandering to trump voters all of a sudden they make common sense decisions and i'll be honest this has shown me something that like maybe america needs to relook the process maybe people in congress shouldn't get to be re-elected you just do one term and you're done that's it yeah because then america's politicians would finally care more about governing as opposed to getting re-elected you know it's kind of like the same way people in relationships finally tell the truth when they're breaking up you know what i mean yeah because the whole time you're worried about saving the relationship but if you're not worried about that anymore you become a lot more honest yeah all of a sudden you're like well it's going to end anyway so i might as well tell you now that you fought like a beatboxing machine in your sleep sarah the whole night moving on this week los angeles is hosting the summit of the americas because contrary to popular belief america isn't the only america in the world yeah there are dozens of countries in north and south america and every once in a while they get together to discuss issues that affect the entire region and then they [ __ ] about christopher columbus but for this year's summit the person most countries are bitching about is joseph robinette biden drama before the diplomacy officially begins this week in los angeles where president biden will be hosting the summit of the americas there is a significant snub the president of mexico has announced that he is refusing to attend the summit because the u.s is not inviting cuba venezuela and nicaragua over their lack of democratic values but mexico says the agenda of migration economics climate and covet is just too important to exclude any of the nations from this region the white house counters that it believes that no dictator should be invited wait a second joe biden has stopped a mexican from coming to america you know wherever he is trump must be so pissed off right now he's like joe biden is stealing my ideas i'm the mexican man mom [Applause] but seriously though this is such a petty story this is a meeting of the leaders of an entire hemisphere but instead they sound like middle school mean girls you know like hey mexico i'm having a party and you can come but don't tell cuba and venezuela and nicaragua because they're not invited oh america it's so brave that you think you're cool enough to even throw a party you [ __ ] oh my god i will say this i think we can all agree that mexico is making a good point america's stance on human rights violations seems a little inconsistent right think about it you won't even talk to cuba and nicaragua but then you're going to fly to saudi arabia and beg prince bonesaw to release more oil huh i mean it seems like america is a lot more tolerant of countries that have a little uh cha-ching is that what it is yeah in many ways the american government is like a stripper yeah yeah it's like if you ain't paying they don't care about you and i hope you know that saudi arabia america's not actually into you they're just saving up for college that's all this is it's not about you america a transaction here's the thing here's the thing whether the us likes it or not it is connected to these countries right they affect the united states and the united states affects them don't you think it's weird that you're going to be talking about migrants from nicaragua but then nicaragua is not going to be at that summit you want to get strange it's going to be like staging an intervention without the person there you've got to get your life together barry is what i would say if barry was here i think this would have been good guys this would have gotten through to him it really would have been great where is barry by the way what drunk again well we tried all right that's it for the headlines but before we go let's check in on the traffic with our very own roy wood jr everybody [Applause] what's happening man what's happening in the trailer i'm just looking man ain't nothing happening ain't nobody out there gas costs too damn much everybody at home ain't nobody on these roads today man it's looking pretty looking pretty good out there you know i'll be honest man with this these gas prices man that kind of it's got me kind of rooting for monkey pox sorry what how was traffic during the last shutdown it was good wasn't it it was good the last fan didn't think it was no traffic so bring back another pandemic boom traffic fix problem solved the gas prices are getting out of hand like i like i kind of like the fact though that the police can't respond to every call that's cool for now but then when emergency start really started piling up then it's gonna be bad man eventually the police gonna have to start carpooling with the fire department and the ambulance they're gonna have to ride together like the only way they're gonna come save you is if all three things are happening to you at the same time like if you get shot you gotta set something on fire then they'll show up they're gonna have to combine their vehicles it's gonna get bad they're gonna have to come check on you in a fire truck ambulance cruiser yeah the fire truck ambulance cruiser that's with all three police cruiser ambulance fire trucks combines yeah what's happening in the traffic roy it's just it's just people going errands people are just going to and fro man it's just it's a beautiful thing man real quick about the the the gun law stuff the gun whatever they trying to pass yeah the gun safety yeah that's part of it all right can we not like that's the only solution to gun violence is gun regulating guns a lot of different things contribute to gun violence i like this country i agree you start with the guns but then you look at communities you look at schooling you look at eradicating poverty i hear what you're saying right i don't talk about that i'm talking about lonely white dudes i'm talking about we got to have legislation like every lonely white dude got to have a friend we got to legislate friends for lonely white men and i think that's how we get that's how we fix some of it like like it'd be like jury duty like you think you gotta you think you like get to go out this week but then you get a letter in the mail like report to gary's basement and you gotta be gary's friend for a little while because then the lonely wife ain't got no friends man so we don't let the lonely white men not have a friend that's what we would okay but then but then from a friend every lonely white dude gets a friend yeah yeah yeah but then but then what if they put a lonely white man with another lonely white man then isn't that double dangerous no that's called a militia that's safer than a lonely white man a militia is much safer than a lonely white man militia got uniform they got a website they got a schedule they get permits they let you know when they gonna show up who would you rather deal with a militia or a lone wolf militia that's what i'm saying that's what we need we need the structure because we gotta somebody gotta talk to these white white dudes in person we tried talking to them over the internet but reddit didn't work it was a big failure too okay well um let's get the traffic roy it's just so beautiful when you just all right let's get to we got time no we ran out of time again for you we got time yeah we we just just no we we have that we have to have it let me just real quick okay what are you gonna say it's just so that guy's gonna have a wreck he was going away thank you so much right with junior everybody before we go please consider supporting trans lifeline they're a grassroots hotline offering direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis for the trans community by the trans community so if you can then please donate at the link below to help their vision for a world where trans people have the connection the economic security and the care that everyone needs and deserves [Music]

Channel: The Daily Show with Trevor Noah

Views: 2,613,426

Keywords: the daily show, trevor noah, daily show with trevor noah, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, noah trevor, trevor noah latest episode, daily show, trevor, news, politics, what the hell happened this week, north korea, jan 6th, jan 6 hearings, hearings, bidne, joe biden, president, trump, donald trump, turkey, pga, saudi arabia, phil mickelson, house, gun reform, new york, gun control

Id: o1VBpb_1pHc

Length: 53min 41sec (3221 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 11 2022