I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO RUDY GIULIANI. ( LAUGHTER ) FORMER NEW YORK CITY MAYOR AND AMERICA'S MOST ILLEGAL LAWYER. ( LAUGHTER ) YOU SEE, HE WAS IN A SUPERMARKET ON STATEN ISLAND SUNDAY, CAMPAIGNING FOR HIS SON ANDREW GIULIANI, WHO'S TRYING TO MAKE HISTORY AS NEW YORK'S FIRST CAVE MAN GOVERNOR AND, THANKFULLY, RUDY IS NOW DOING OKAY AFTER JUST BARELY SURVIVING IS A HEINOUS DRIVE-BY ON HIS UPPER BACK. >> Trevor: A STATEN ISLAND GROCERY STORE WORKER FACING ASSAULT CHARGES ACCUSED OF SLAPPING FORMER NEW YORK CITY MAYOR RUDY GIULIANI. THIS SURVEILLANCE VIDEO SHOWS THE ENCOUNTER INSIDE A ShopRite STORE. THE CLERK APPEARS TO HIT GIULIANI ON THE BACK PROMPTING REACTION FROM THE MAYOR. >> A 39-YEAR-OLD APPROACHED GIULIANI, SLAPPED HIM ON THE BACK AND SAID WHAT'S UP SUM BAG? GIULIANI REFUSED TREATMENT, AND THE MAN WAS TAKEN INTO CUSTODY ON CHARGES OF SECOND DEGREE ASSAULT. >> Trevor: DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH! THIS IS SECOND DEGREE ASSAULT! THAT'S HOW TOUGH NEW YORK'S LAWS ARE. THIRD DEGREE IS IF YOU LIGHTLY BLOW ON SOMEONE'S EAR. AND FIRST DEGREE IS IF YOU BOOP THEM ON THE NOSE. BOOP! AH! AH! I HAVE BEEN HIT, I HAVE BEEN HIT! I DON'T THINK IT IS RIGHT FOR ANYONE TO BE PUTTING THEIR HANDS ON POLITICIAN OR ANYONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. I'M NOT SAYING THAT. BUT NO WAY IS THAT SECOND DEGREE ASSAULT. IF THAT'S ASSAULT, THEN WHAT? WILL SMITH MURDERED CHRIS ROCK. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED THERE. AND NOW IN THE GRAVE! IN THE GRAVE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I LOVE HOW THEY SAY RUDY DECLINED MEDICAL ATTENTION. FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT? THAT'S THE KIND OF INJURY WHERE THE ONLY THING YOU COULD DO IS KISS IT AND MAKE IT FEEL BETTER. THAT'S IT. IS IT BETTER, RUDY? IS IT BETTER? IF ANYONE NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION, GUY WHO TOUCHED RUDY GIULIANI. HAND PROBABLY LOOKS LIKE DUMBDORF AFTER HE TOUCHED A HORCRUX. THE GUY SOUNDED AGGRESSIVE BUT WHAT'S UP SCUMBAG IS HOW PEOPLE SAY HELLO ON STATEN ISLAND. NORMAL CONVERSATION -- WHAT'S UP, SCUMBAG? NOTHING MUCH. PLEEP YOUR MOTHER. WELL, NICE TO SEE YOU, GRANDMA! ( LAUGHTER ) TO ME, THE BEST PART OF THIS STORY IS THE MORE RUDY TOLD IT, THE MORE THE SLAP SEEMED TO HURT! >> HE HIT ME HARD ENOUGH TO KNOCK ME FORWARD ABOUT LIKE THIS. YOU KNOW ELDERLY PEOPLE DIE MOSTLY FROM FALLS? THIS GUY COULD HAVE KILLED ME. >> I GOT HIT ON THE BACK AS IF A BOULDER HIT ME. IT KNOCKED ME FORWARD A STEP OR TWO. >> ALL OF A SUDDEN, I FEEL A SHOT ON MY BACK LIKE SOMEBODY SHOT ME. >> YOU KNOW, THAT -- THAT WAS -- THAT WAS THE WHOM WHO WAS RUBBING MY BACK, THE GUY HIT ME SO HARD THAT SHE HERSELF ALMOST FELL FROM THE REVERBERATION OF -- >> Trevor: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, HE SLAPPED ME SO HARD MY EYEBALLS FELL OUT AND I HAD TO PICK THEM UP AND PUT THEM BACK IN. YOU ALL SAW IT! HE SLAPPED ME SO HARD I SHIT OUT THE SIDE OF MY FACE TWO YEARS AGO. THAT'S HOW HARD IT WAS! YOU SAW IT, EVERYBODY! I FELT IT! I FELT IT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT RUDY WAS LYING ABOUT THE ELECTION BEING STOLEN BECAUSE HE WAS A TRUMP SYCOPHANT. TURNS OUT HE LIVES IN ANOTHER WORLD. THIS IS JUST HIS BRAIN. I WILL SAY, IN HIS DEFENSE -- IN HIS DEFENSE, HE WAS ALREADY IN WEAKENED STATE. YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT. HE WAS OUT DURING THE DAY IN A STORE THAT SELLS GARLIC. I MEAN, YOU KNOW... ( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS HARD FOR HIM. IT WAS HARD. BUT LET'S MOVE ON FROM AN ATTACK THAT RUDY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER TO ONE THAT HE ALWAYS CONVENIENTLY SEEMS TO FORGET. JANUARY 6th, THE DAY TRUMP SUPPORTERS TRIED TO PLAY CAPTURE THE FLAG WITH MIKE PENCE'S HEAD. YESTERDAY THE JANUARY 6th COMMITTEE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WOULD BE HOLDING A SURPRISE HEARING WITH A SURPRISE WITNESS. YOU KNOW, WHENEVER CONGRESS SAYS SOMETHING LIKE, OH, THIS IS A MUCH WATCH, YOU'RE LIKE THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT MORBIUS. BUT LET ME TELL YOU TODAY'S HEARING WAS PROPERLY INSANE. LET'S CATCH UP ON THE LATEST JANUARY 6th UPDATES. ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO, TURNS OUT THE SURPRISE WITNESS TODAY WAS CASSIDY HUTCHINSON, A TOP AIDE TO DONALD TRUMP'S CHIEF OF STAFF, WHICH MEANS SHE WAS OFTEN IN THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS, THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS. THE IT WAS OVERTHROWING DEMOCRACY. HUTCHINSON HAD A LOT OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WHAT TRUMP WAS DOING THE MOMENT HE LOST THE ELECTION THROUGH JANUARY 6th. ONE OF THE STORIES SHE TOLD WAS HOW TRUMP LOST HIS SHIT WHEN HE FOUND OUT HIS ATTORNEY GENERAL WASN'T GOING ALONG WITH HIS LIES ABOUT THE ELECTION. >> I REMEMBER HEARING NOISE COMING FROM DOWN THE HALLWAY. I LEFT THE OFFICE AND WENT DOWN TO THE DINING ROOM, AND I NOTICED THAT THE DOOR WAS PROPPED OPEN AND THE VALET WAS INSIDE THE DINING ROOM CHANGING THE TABLECLOTH OFF OF THE DINING ROOM TABLE. HE MOTIONED FOR ME TO COME IN, AND THEN POINTED TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE ROOM NEAR THE FIREPLACE MANTEL AND THE TV WHERE I FIRST NOTICED THERE WAS KETCHUP DRIPPING DOWN THE WALL, AND THERE WAS A SHATTERED PORCELAIN PLATE ON THE FLOOR. THE VALET HAD ARTICULATED THAT THE PRESIDENT WAS EXTREMELY ANGRY AT THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S A.P. INTERVIEW AND HAD THROWN HIS LUNCH AGAINST THE WALL. >> MS. HUTCHINSON, WAS THIS THE ONLY INSTANCE THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF WHERE THE PRESIDENT THREW DISHES? >> YES, MA'AM. >> AND ARE THERE OTHER INSTANCES IN THE DINING ROOM THAT YOU RECALL WHERE HE EXPRESSED HIS ANGER? >> THERE WERE SEVERAL TIMES THROUGHOUT MY TENURE WITH THE CHIEF OF STAFF THAT I WAS AWARE OF HIM EITHER THROWING DISHES OR FLIPPING THE TABLECLOTH TO LET ALL THE CONTENTS OF THE TABLE GO ON TO THE FLOOR. >> Trevor: YEAH. I KNOW. I, TOO, WAS SHOCKED TO HEAR THAT TRUMP THREW ANY OF HIS FOOD AWAY. LET'S BE HONEST, THIS GUY'S TAKEN MORE SELFIES WITH FOOD THAN SOME OF HIS KIDS. PROBABLY THE REASON ERIC DRESSES UP AS A HOT DOG JUST TO GET A HUG. DO YOU LOVE ME, DAD? YOU'RE THE SON I ALWAYS WANTED, OSCAR MAYER, ALWAYS WANTED! ( LAUGHTER ) AND YOU HEARD WHAT SHE SAID -- THIS WAS ANT ONE-TIME THING. TRUMP WAS CONSTANTLY THROWING FOOD TANTRUMS. BUT WHAT'S INTERESTING IS SHE DIDN'T SAY FLIPPING THE TABLE, SHE SAID FLIPPING THE TABLECLOTH. ( LAUGHTER ) SO EITHER TRUMP WAS AN AMATEUR MAGICIAN, OR HE WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO FLIP A TABLE, SO HE JUST DID THE TABLECLOTH. HE WAS LIKE, AAAHHH! AAAHHH! EH... ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND, YOU KNOW, IF THIS HAPPENED REGULARLY, IT MUST HAVE SUCKED FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WORK IN THE WHITE HOUSE, YOU KNOW, ALL THE STAFF WHO HAD TO CLEAN UP AFTER HIM, THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THE FOOD AND THE DISHES -- CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW TRAUMATIZING THIS MUFFIN FOR THE DISHES? ( FRENCH ACCENT ) HI, EVERYBODY, WELCOME TO THE WHITE HOUSE! BE OUR GUEST! BE OUR -- AAAHHH! WHAT IS HAPPENING? AAAHHH! YOU JUST KILLED ME, SPORK! DON'T LOOK, YOUR MOTHER IS BEING MURDERED, OH, MY GOD! THIS MAN IS WORST THAN THE BEAST! WE SHOULD GO BACK -- AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! ( SOUND OF DISHES ( CRASHING SOUNDS ) ING ). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Trevor: TURNS OUT THAT WASN'T THE ONLY TRUMP TANTRUM HUTCHINSON TESTIFIED ABOUT BECAUSE SHE ALSO SAID THAT ON JANUARY 6th AS THE TRUMP MOB WAS MARCHING TOWARDS THE CAPITOL, TRUMP WANTED TO LEAD THEM TO THE CAPITOL HIMSELF, RIGHT, BUT, WHEN SECRET SERVICE AGENT BOBBY ENGEL REFUSED THE PRESIDENT'S REQUEST FOR SAFETY, THIS HAPPENED -- >> THE PRESIDENT SAID SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT OF, I'M THE F'ING PRESIDENT, TAKE ME UP TO THE CAPITOL NOW, TO WHICH BOBBIE RESPONDED, WHICH ARE, WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE WEST WING. THE PRESIDENT REACHED UP TOWARDS THE FRONT OF THE VEHICLE TO GRAB AT THE STEERING WHEEL. MR. ENGEL GRABBED HIS ARM AND SAID, SIR, YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR HAND OFF THE STEERING WHEEL, WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE WEST WING, WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE CAPITOL. MR. TRUMP THEN USED HIS FREE HAND TO LUNGE TOWARD BOBBY ENGEL. WHETHER WHEN MR. ORNATO RECOUNTED THE STORY, HE MOTIONED TOWARD HIS CAVCALS. >> Trevor: INSANE. TRUMP REACHING TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE CAR LIKE AN ACTION MOVIE, ONLY HE'S THE PRESIDENT AND THIS IS REAL LIFE. YOU HAVE TO ADMIT FIGHTING YOUR OWN SECRET SERVICE AGENT IS GENIUS ON TRUMP'S PART. HE'S HITTING THE ONE PERSON WHO CAN'T HIT BACK. YEAH, THEY CAN PUMP BACK BUT THEN THEY'VE GOT TO JUMP IN FRONT OF THEIR OWN PUNCH. TAKE THAT -- RRRR! AAAAAAAAH! ( APPLAUSE ) OHHHHH! DID YOU FEEL THAT ONE, RUDY? ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE THING SHOWS YOU HOW LAZY TRUMP IS. THE CAPITOL IS LIKE TWO MILES AWAY. EVERYONE ELSE WALKED THERE, BUT TRUMP WAS, LIKE, OKAY, I COULD WALK THERE, I COULD WALK -- OR I COULD TRY TO STEAL A CAR FROM THE SECT SERVICE. WHICH ONE IS IT? ( LAUGHTER ) NOT TO VICTIM BLAME, BUT THIS IS ON THE SECRET SERVICE, ALL RIGHT? YOU HAD FOUR YEARS TO TRUMP-PROOF THAT VEHICLE. ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNEW WHO YOU WERE DEALING WITH. THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A TOY STEERING WHEEL IN THE PASSENGER SEAT THE WHOLE TIME. LET HIM THINK HE'S DRIVING AND GO BACK TO THE WEST WING ANYWAYS. FRONT TRUMP, THIS STORY PROVES SITTING IN THE BACK SEAT IS ALWAYS A POSITION OF WEAKNESS. DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE POWER DYNAMICS, ARE NO ONE IN THE BACK SEAT GETS THEIR WAY. HE'S LUNGEING AT THEM LIKE I'M THE (~BLEEP~) PRESIDENT! AND THEY'RE, LIKE, YOU'RE IN THE BACK SEAT, BITCH! SHUT UP! AND HE'S LIKE, MMMR... I'M GOING TO PUT MY WINDOW DOWN! ( APPLAUSE ) THE MOST DAMNING PART OF TODAY IS WHEN HUTCHINSON REVEALED THAT WHEN PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS TOLD SOME OF THE MOB HAD WEAPONS, HE INSTRUCTED SECURITY TO TAKE DOWN THE METAL DETECTORS AND LET THE MOB IN. >> I WAS IN THE VICINITY OF A CONVERSATION WHERE I OVERHEARD THE PRESIDENT SAY SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT OF, YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T CARE THEY HAD WEBS, THEY'RE NOT HURTING ME, TAKE THE F'ING MAGS AWAY: >> Trevor: APPARENTLY TRUMP WANTED THE METAL DETECTORS REMOVED SO HIS SUPPORTERS WITH GUNS COULD MARCH TOWARD THE CAPITOL. ME DIDN'T NECESSARILY WANT TO HANG MIKE PENCE, HE WAND TO GIVE HIM THE CHOICE OF THE FIRING SQUAD. GOOD TO KNOW. THAT'S IT FOR THE HEADLINES, LET'S EKE CHECK IN WITH OUR FINANCIAL EXPERT MICHAEL KOSTA, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CRAZY TIME OF THE MARKET. WHAT'S GOING ON? >> I AM CRUSHING THE MARKET. I JUST KEEP CRUSHING IT. >> Trevor: SO YOU SAY, MIKE. >> I HAVE A HOT TIP FOR YOU, HOW YOU CAN CRUSH IT IN THE MARKET AS EL. WITH FIRST, THOUGH, RUDY GIULIANI, I FEEL BAD FOR HIM. I DO. BECAUSE, LOOK, IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TOUCHED IN A LONG TIME, JUST THE LITTLEST CONTACT, IT FEELS LIKE YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS MOVED, YOU KNOW? AND, LOOK, I'VE HAD SOME EPIC DRY SPELLS IN MY LIFE. I MEAN, I REMEMBER THERE WERE YEARS WHERE -- DO YOU WANT TO -- DO YOU WANT TO GET TO THE CHARTS. >> Trevor: YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL THE STORY? >> LET'S GET TO THE MORTGAGE RATES, TRENCH. I RAILED OFF THERE. THE INTEREST IN MORTGAGE IS GOING WAY UP, OKAY. IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO BUY A HOUSE RIGHT NOW, THIS IS REALLY SCARING YOU. PEOPLE ARE ASKING WHY, WHY DID THEY START SO LOW AND THEY'RE GOING HIGH NOW? I'M AN EXPERT, LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. THAT'S WHAT YOU BROUGHT ME HERE. JANUARY, INTEREST ON MORTGAGE IS LOW. COLD, RIGHT? WE HAVE SEASONAL DEPRESSION. WE DON'T HAVE MONEY LEFT FROM THE HOLIDAYS. I EVEN TRIED TO CALL MY REALTOR BUT THE MITTENS I WAS WEARING WERE SO BIG I COULDN'T GET HER PHONE NUMBER RIGHT. NOW THE SUN COMES OUT, RIGHT? SEASONS CHANGE. HEY, I'M KIND OF INTERESTED IN HAVING A BACKYARD. I'M KIND OF INTERESTED IN HAVING A POOL. I'M KIND OF INTERESTED IN HAVING AN OPEN CONCEPT OUTDOOR KITCHEN, RIGHT? NOW I CAN FLIP BURGERS WHILE I'M TALKING TO MY FRIENDS AS THEY'RE SWIMMING IN THE POOL. THAT'S WHY, TREVOR, RIGHT NOW, END OF JUNE, INTEREST IS AT ITS HIGHEST. >> Trevor: MYEL, NO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S CORRECT. >> HERE'S THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT -- THESE ARE THE THREE NUMBERS YOU WANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO. THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE 30-YEAR FIXED RATE MORTGAGE. 30 YEARS? WHO'S PLANNING THAT FAR AHEAD? 30 YEARS? I DON'T KNOW EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE CLEAN UNDERWEAR TO WEAR TOMORROW. I CERTAINLY DIDN'T HAVE IT TODAY. NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO PLAN 30 YEARS FROM NOW? THAT'S A LONG TIME. 15 YEARS, YOU KNOW, NOT MUCH BETTER. THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT, TREVOR. OKAY. THIS IS THE ADJUSTABLE RATE MORTGAGE. THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT, BUT IT'S COMPETITIVE AND IT'S TOUGH. HERE'S HOW YOU GET IT, OKAY, YOU HAVE TO POOL YOUR MONEY WITH FIVE ONE-YEAR-OLDS, OKAY? ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, WHO EVEN KNOWS ONE ONE-YEAR-OLD, RIGHT? AND EVEN IF YOU SECURE APP MEETING, HOW DO YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THAT ONE-YEAR-OLD. SO THAT'S A TOUGH ONE TO GET BUT YOU CAN DO IT. HOT TIP, I PROMISED YOU A HOT TIP, IF YOU'RE CLOSING ON A HOUSE ANYTIME SOON AND YOU ARE UNHAPPY WITH YOUR MORTGAGE RATE, ANY PIECE OF PAPER YOU SIGN, ALL YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS JUST DATE IT BACK HERE, THE BANK HAS TO HONOR IT. THAT'S YOUR HOT TIP. ( APPLAUSE ) >> Trevor: STARTING TO WONDER ABOUT YOUR
