Trevor Noah's Full Speech at 2022 White House Correspondents' Dinner

let's see how we do this how's everybody doing tonight you guys good everyone good first of all thank you so much steve good evening mr president first lady members of the media and all the men relieved that ronan farrow isn't here tonight it is my great honor to be speaking tonight at the nation's most distinguished super spreader event no for real people what are we doing here let's be honest what are we doing like did none of you learn anything from the gridiron dinner nothing huh like do you read any of your own newspapers i mean i expect this from sean hannity but the rest of you what are you doing here you guys spent the last two years telling everyone the importance of wearing masks and avoiding large indoor gatherings then the second someone offers you a free dinner you all turn into joe rogan huh i mean dr fauci dropped out that should have been a pretty big sign fauci thought it was too dangerous to come tonight pete davidson thinks it's okay and we all went with pete okay all right then now for those who don't know me uh my name is trevor noah and i'm i'm really honored to be here honestly um you know because you could have picked any comedian you could have invited anyone but you went with the south african variants very on theme i appreciate that and uh covert risk aside can i just say how happy i am that this event is happening again for the first time in three years yeah and the truth is i want us all to have a good time tonight so please everyone relax you know i know everyone in this room is worried about who catches you laughing at what and but just chill just chill we're celebrating we're out you know get comfortable not too comfortable jeffrey toobin not too comfortable no you know what no don't don't ooh him a bunch of haters you know what so what jeffrey you made a mistake you whipped it out in front of your co-workers that's the first step to winning a grammy for comedy album of the year you're halfway there my friend you don't let the haters stop you we all come back from mistakes now you might have noticed i'm gonna be telling some jokes tonight [Laughter] but i want you to understand i am not here to tear anybody down okay yeah i might roast you gently you know like a pair of testicles on a tucker carson special but i'm not i'm not doing this just for the attention all right i'm a comedian not kirsten cinema all right and by the way give it up for kirsten cinema whoever thought we'd see the day in american politics when a senator could be openly bisexual but closeted republican huh that's progress that's progress [Music] and yes i know a lot of you are worried and yes it is risky making jokes these days you know i mean we all saw what happened at the oscars um i've actually been a little bit worried about tonight i won't lie you know i was like what if i make like a really mean joke you know about like kellyanne conway and then her husband rushes up on the stage and thanks me i just hope we all stay calm because it is exciting to be here even though some people don't think this dinner should even exist as you said mr president you know because some people think this shows that the media is too cozy with politicians but what those people don't understand is that you guys have integrity you would never allow personal connections to affect your ability to be good journalists isn't that right chris cuomo where is chris by the way is he is he here couldn't make it oh by the way um before before we really get going a few quick announcements um anyone here who is a democrat in a swing district i've been asked to remind you not to hand your resume to the cable news execs at your table until after the event please thank you very much also a quick note before people order their uber's home tonight governor greg abbott is generously providing free buses for the telemundo table very classy very classy but man what a room this is huh look at this room everyone is here tonight we've got politicians huh we've got the media we've got celebrities basically anyone who's been to jeffrey epstein's island this is an exclusive event in fact coming in coming in i heard megan mccain telling the bouncer do you know who my father was and they were like you have a ticket you you can just come in but she insisted on telling them who her father was anyway and i'll tell you somebody coming from africa i mean i've just got to say this is so exciting you know to be at this swanky party full of washington's most powerful people you know it's not as exciting as madison cawthon made it sound but still very sexy very very sexy there's many big names here tonight yeah one of my favorites ronda sanchez is here yeah yeah oh man i'm actually surprised that he found the time you know he's been so busy trying to outmaneuver trump for 2024. i see you ron i see you player yeah i've seen what you've been doing blaming trump for the lockdowns distancing yourself from the vaccines that trump created with his own two hands nobody knew how to make vaccines until i made them beautiful beautiful vaccines nobody knew how not even fouchy but ron ron is playing at coy man he won't even tell people if he got the booster yeah or as they say in florida don't ask don't tell am i right i'll see you ron you see what i like about rhonda sanchez is like if trump was the original terminator desantis is like the t-1000 you know you're smarter than him you're slicker than him you can walk down ramps yeah because you see no trump said he won the election but everyone was just able to look at the numbers and see that he was wrong that's why rhonda sanchez is one step ahead first you ban the math textbooks then nobody knows how to count the votes boom my man what a room are you kidding me the great chef jose andres is joining us here tonight give it up for him people my good friend in the room whenever there's a disaster anywhere in the world chef jose is there which i guess is why he's sitting at the cnn table tonight now of course the real reason that it's such an honor to be here tonight is that we all get to be in the same room as the most powerful man in the united states so let's give it up for joe manchin everybody where is he there good to see you sir good to see you no for real for real mr presidents thank you for being here thank you for having me here you know i was a little confused about why me but then i was told that you get your highest approval ratings when a biracial african guy is standing next to you so uh uh so what would you say uh joe i'm glad that i could uh do my part and uh hopefully this will work i'm not actually him i just did the voice more importantly first lady dr jill biden is here everybody give it up for her you know interesting fact even as first lady dr biden continued her teaching career yeah the first time a presidential spouse has ever done so ever congratulations now you might think it's because she loves teaching so much but it's actually because um she's still paying off her student debt i'm sorry about that joe yeah i guess you should have voted for bernie you know so can i just say i think everyone will agree that it's actually nice to once again have a president who's not afraid to come to the white house correspondents dinner and hear jokes about himself i'll i'll be honest i'll be honest i'll be honest if you didn't come i totally would have understood yeah yeah because these people have been so hard on you which i don't get i really don't you know i think ever since you've come into office things are really looking up you know gas is up rent is up food is up everything no it really has been a tough first year for you mr president and and surely you must be a little worried about 2024 you know there's a lot of passion on the republican side there really is you know it's going to be an interesting time and as you all know president biden's lack of a filter does get him into hot water sometimes you know last month he caused a huge international incidence saying that vladimir putin should be removed from power it was very very upsetting to russia yeah until someone explained to them that none of the stuff biden wants actually gets done but despite some hiccups president biden has led the country through some really dark times since he took office the covert pandemic the war in ukraine the launch of cnn plus and don't forget don't forget don't forget he's also had some major legislative successes you know in his first year in office i might add you know he got a bipartisan infrastructural past that would do everything from fixing america's roads and bridges to modernizing school buses which matt gates's girlfriend is very excited about don't boo love not to mention no president in my memory has given more marginalized groups opportunities and i'm talking about women the lgbtq community the taliban the list goes on and on and i know i know mr president that the left is super upset at you you know but i think that they should be happy to know that you just recently announced that you're proposing a new 20 minimum tax on the super wealthy and i will say president biden that you were a big man here a really big man you could have targeted donald trump but instead you chose to only raise taxes on billionaires that was big of you really nice prove me wrong show me the taxes so personally i think that president biden could do a better job of taking credit for the things that are going right you know i mean unemployment is currently at three point six percent think about that with three point six percent two percent if you don't count the cuomo family and i will say president biden came into office and he's done well and he's done badly and in this room i know there's a lot of mixed reviews you know there was a lot of talk about how the president really respects the press but what has he really done for you guys huh think of all the journalists whose careers have been hurt by the biden presidency people like daniel dale used to be cnn's star fact checker on tv every day but now there's barely anything to check same for glenn kessler of the washington post on the way here i saw him on the street offering four pinocchios for a dollar mr president that's on you and what about maggie haberman for four years it was exclusives huh on the russia investigation corruption the president doesn't read his daily briefings on and on now look at her she spends all day fighting with random people on twitter like a common political reporter you've ruined her mr presidents now of course of course um president biden doesn't often have to deal with the media directly yes that task force to press secretary janseki yes glad you could make it tonight really glad you could make it tonight jen it's nice that you're willing to come over here and risk getting covered for like what the tenth time now let me ask how do you keep getting covered jen like your boss hooked us all up with free tests does he not have your address what's going on there the word on the street is actually that um jen saki is uh going to msnbc next month yeah yeah yeah apparently just being on c-span the ratings were too high and she wanted more of a challenge you know want to switch things up she can't laugh at that don't put the camera on her if it's true congratulations to jen on your big career chains but you know moving to msnbc is going to be a big switch up for you because right now your current job is to make the biden administration look as good as as possible you know at all costs now you're going to be at msnbc and you're going to have to um you'll be fine actually sorry i don't even know why i i apologize by the way msnbc can i just say you guys are doing great work you know i love watching your shows you know when trump was in office your shows were all about how bad he was and now that biden's in office yo shows all about how bad trump was consistency is important we appreciate that we really do also shout out to joe and mika yeah i love you guys most adorable hr violation in town i love it so adorable what [Applause] and that's why we're really here people we're here to honor the media yeah so first and foremost let's give it up for the white house press pool let's give it up for them please you guys you guys are relentless every day you show up and every day you demand answers on the pressing issues of the day and then fox news asks about hunter biden and i'll be honest though i actually think that's a good thing i really do i think people need to be held accountable if they're using their dad's name to get ahead in life and i can't think of anyone better to ask about that than peter ducey yeah wherever he is chris wallace laughed at that joke but you see the real purpose of tonight is to honor some of the country's best political journalists people like abby phillip yamiche alcindor all right and mick mulvaney i actually get why cbs hired mick mulvaney i get it you know he's more than just the guy who assured everyone that donald trump would concede gracefully no he can also get you access to other people who assured you that donald trump would concede very gracefully it's very important so shout out to cbs my corporate cousin you can actually find us on paramount plus yes right between spongebob squarepants and a bunch of movies that even delta's in-flight entertainment system turned down but i don't want to dwell on that i want to dwell on mick mulvaney and we have so many other great journalists here tonight we got anderson cooper in the house man we got rachel maddow we got don lemon we got shepherd smith smith and so many other huge talents who can no longer be mentioned in florida public schools i see you around the sanctus what's going on baby oh man a lot of big media names in the room tonight chuck todd is here chuck you here yeah how are you doing i'd ask a follow-up but i know you don't know what those are don't boo him he's trying man these people are mean chuck the axios team is also in the house i didn't know this but axios is actually greek for political playbook without the birthdays yeah and you know axios got a lot of flack a few years ago for releasing a staff photo that had fewer black people in it than cpac but kudos to axios they fixed that problem by not releasing any more star photos and um and jonathan swann mama i'm a fan personal fan you've been crushing it with those interviews congrats on the award people always asking how does jonathan swann get these politicians to open up to him i'll tell you how it's the australian accent yeah american journalists sound too aggressive what did you do with the money an interview with jonathan swan is like being interrogated by a koala bear but senator mcconnell don't you think it's strange that you and the devil have never been seen in the same place at the same time don't you think that's strange well i guess when you go to hell you'll find out for yourself npr is here tonight one of my favorites congratulations on all the work you do i love tiny desk concerts i just wish you guys didn't always have to beg for money you know maybe you're spending too much on those tote bags who designs those house of gucci why not just ask ivanka which kids make her stuff come on and how about the new york times also here man can i just say new york times i did not realize how much you guys like to party yeah i've seen some of you sneaking off to the bathroom to do things you're not supposed to do tonight like post on twitter yeah i've seen that i love the new york times i really do you guys are the best some of the most accurate precise reporting and news you never fail to write down exactly whatever the police have given you to say really powerful like is it just me or does the new york times keep blaming bail reform on crimes that had nothing to do with bail reform like i'm half expecting to open your newspaper and see a headline match blow for run lead due to changes in state bail laws and you know it's actually crazy how you guys have been attacked for everything from your investigations into trump's taxes to your reporting on the pandemic and yet the biggest death threats that you received is because there were two l's in the world that day that was wild by the way give it up to those new york times reporters who managed to get those kevin mccarthy tapes that was amazing yeah give it up for them incredible you knew how crucial those tapes were which is why you immediately waited until your book was for sale to tell the people about them bravo bravo and you know what i liked about those tapes is that the one piece of good news is that now we know whether nancy pelosi or kevin mccarthy are speaker of the house that position will still be held by someone who believes that trump should have resigned and was responsible for what happened on january 6th yeah that's bipartisanship i like that i'm really excited because the kings of cable are here fox news in the house yeah the top-rated news network for the past about 300 years killing it and i know fox has a bad reputation i even feel you tense up now when i talk about them they really do crush it you know i think they get a bad rap because it's a mixed bag you know they actually have really good journals it just depends on when you watch right fox news is sort of like a waffle house yeah it's relatively normal in the afternoon but as soon as the sun goes down there's a drunk lady named janine threatening to fight every mexican who comes in you can't throw me out i know the real president how about that fox primetime lineup huh tucker carlson sean hannity laura ingram their coverage of covert was really impactful their segments about vaccines moved their viewers into the icu and congrats congrats to sean hannity on becoming the longest running host in cable news history by the way give it up for him for real give it up for him longest running host don't hate don't hit the player yeah fun fact sean hannity and uh ainsley earhart are actually uh dating now yes yeah and i actually think it's beautiful to see an office romance at fox that won't end in a 20 million settlement yeah i'm sure wherever roger ailes is right now he's looking up and smiling oh laura ingram wow what can you say about her that hasn't already been said by the anti-defamation league powerful i'm just sad that tucker carlson isn't here he's my favorite what a talent tucker carson are you kidding me whoa that man's a beast who else could fill an entire show each night asking questions that google could easily answer do vaccines work who really won the election who's the president right now is this america gripping stuff but you know if we're honest people there's so much happening in the world right now sometimes it can be overwhelming and you just want to tune it all out and that's why i love watching cnn where's jeff zucker by the way also couldn't make it what's what's happening over there apparently jeff got fired after he tried to keep his workplace relationship a secret which is weird because if he really didn't want anyone to know about it he could have just made a show about it on cnn plus i know i know it's so sad cnn plus gone but forgotten you know who i blame you know who i blame cnn i blame john king that's who yeah john your magic wall can predict how every person in the country is going to vote in every county but it couldn't give you a heads up that nobody wanted more cnn i mean they spent 300 million dollars on cnn plus 300 million dollars can i be honest cnn i think stanley tucci was playing you guys yeah no i think that dude knew exactly where italy was and he was just going to keep searching as long as you were paying 300 million do you understand how much money that is i mean i do get it streaming they say is the future you know as the old saying goes you got to spend money to make sure that chris cuomo doesn't get in the wrongful termination lawsuits and that's not the only big change going on at cnn they just brought on chris licht yeah my man over there chris as the new head of news his first order of business hire a guy who knows how to turn off the breaking news banner yeah what happened with that they just put it on during the oj chase and then never figured out how to get rid of it the news is not always breaking but this is an interesting time for the media world you know as with many industries the pandemic was a major disruption for journalists but i also think it helped humanize you honestly you know millions of americans watched tv anchors reporting from inside their own homes meanwhile reporters in print media were like we get it you have homes way to show off and we have to face the facts the media is in a tough position you did say that mr president informing the american public is harder than ever before you're battling conspiracy theories that the election was stolen by george soros that jfk jr is still alive that everyone in this room is a secret pedophile and that's just what clarence thomas's wife believes it's insane people this is truly the golden era of conspiracy theories whether it's the right wing believing trump can still win the 2020 election or the left believing joe biden can still win the 2024 election thank you mr president and so as we sit in this room tonight people i really hope you all remember what the real purpose of this evening is yes it's fun yes we dress nice yes the people eat they drink we have fun but the reason we're here is to honor and celebrate the fourth estate and what you stand for what you stand for an additional check and balance that holds power to account and gives voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have one and and and like i'm not just talking about like cnn or fox or any of the other major organizations talking about everyone you know the young journalists we saw today you know intrepid journalists who aren't even in this room in flint michigan or that daring reports at the des moines register or the unflinching local newscaster in el paso texas every single one of you whether you like it or not is a bastion of democracy and if you ever begin to doubt your responsibilities if you ever begin to doubt how meaningful it is look no further than what's happening in ukraine look at what's happening there journalists are risking and even losing their lives to show the world what's really happening you realize how amazing it is like in america you have the right to seek the truth and speak the truth even if it makes people in power uncomfortable even if it makes your viewers or your readers uncomfortable you understand how amazing that is i stood here tonight and i made fun of the president of the united states and i'm gonna be fine i'm gonna be fine right like do like do you really understand what a blessing it is maybe it's happened for so long that you it might slip your mind it's a blessing in fact here ask yourself this question honestly ask yourself this question if if russian journalists who are losing their livelihoods as you were talking about steve and their freedom for daring to report on what their own government is doing if they had the freedom to write any words to show any stories or to ask any questions if they had basically what you have would they be using it in the same way that you do ask yourself that question every day because you have one of the most important roles in the world thank you so much for having me [Music] i appreciate you please be careful leaving tonight we all know this administration doesn't handle evacuations well goodnight everybody thank you so much

Channel: NowThis News

Views: 1,348,384

Keywords: NowThis, news, trevor noah, white house correspondents dinner, president of the united states, joe biden, breaking news, the daily show, comedy central, white house, white house correspondents dinner 2022, daily show, fox news, nerd prom, trevor noah stand up, white house correspondents dinner live, white house correspondents dinner 2022 live, president joe biden, the daily show trevor

Id: FzXC16otRfM

Length: 25min 20sec (1520 seconds)

Published: Sun May 01 2022