>>> AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR "WHAT
STILL WORKS." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HELLO AND WELCOME TO "WHAT STILL WORKS," WHERE WE LOOK AT
EVERY PART OF AMERICAN SOCIETY AND WONDER, WHAT STILL WORKS?
IT'S A NEW YEAR AND WE HAVE A NEW PRESIDENT SO SOME THINGS
SHOULD WORK, BUT DO THEY? OUR FIRST TOPIC IS GOVERNMENT,
AND ALREADY I HAVE MY DOUBTS. JOINING US IS A CONGRESSWOMAN
FROM GEORGIA WHO'S BEEN PROMOTING Q-ANON CONSPIRACY
THEORIES. PLEASE WELCOME
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE. >> HI.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME. GUN?
>> NO, NO. NO, THANK YOU.
I'M GOOD. >> OKAY.
>> CONGRESSWOMAN GREENE, HARD TO SAY THOSE WORDS TOGETHER, WHAT
ARE SOME OF THE THEORIES YOU BELIEVE IN AND HAVE BEEN
PROMOTING? >> HOW MUCH TIME YOU GOT?
OKAY, FIRST OFF, I BELIEVE THE PARKLAND SHOOTING WAS A HOAX.
THE TEACHERS WERE ACTORS AND THE CHILDREN WERE DOLLS.
I BELIEVE 9/11 WAS A HOAX. DID ANYONE ACTUALLY SEE IT
HAPPEN? I'VE ALSO TOLD MY SUPPORTERS
THAT THEY SHOULD PHYSICALLY MURDER NANCY PELOSI.
SHE'S THIS LADY I WORK WITH. >> YEAH, I'M FAMILIAR.
THANK YOU. >> OH, AND THIS IS A NEW ONE
THAT JUST CAME OUT, I THINK THAT THE CALIFORNIA WILDFIRES WERE
CAUSED BY JEWISH SPACE LASERS. >> SO THERE ARE LASERS IN SPACE
THAT CAUSED WILDFIRES AND THE LASERS IDENTIFY AS JEWISH?
>> YES, CORRECT. >> AND THOSE ARE REAL THINGS YOU
BELIEVE AND TELL OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT?
>> UH-HUH. YES.
>> AND YOU'RE A U.S. REPRESENTATIVE?
>> UH-HUH, YES. >> YOU REPRESENT THE U.S.?
>> UH-HUH. YES.
>> PEOPLE CAN GOOGLE YOU AND IT WILL SAY SHE'S A REAL MEMBER OF
THE U.S. GOVERNMENT? >> THAT MIGHT NOT BE THE FIRST
THING THAT COMES UP, BUT YEAH. >> AND WHEN YOUR COLLEAGUES
FOUND ALL ABOUT ALL THESE HATEFUL AND PSYCHOTIC THINGS YOU
SAID, WHAT DID THEY DO? >> I WAS PROMOTED TO THE
EDUCATION COMMITTEE. >> OKAY.
THANKS FOR COMING. SO GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WORK, AND
HONESTLY I REGRET NOT TAKING THE GUN.
NOW LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE STOCK MARKET.
THAT USUALLY WORKS, RIGHT? THAT'S WHERE PEOPLE INVEST ALL
THEIR RETIREMENT MONEY, SO IT SHOULD PROBABLY WORK.
HERE TO HELP US ANSWER THAT QUESTION IS THE NEW MAJORITY
SHAREHOLDER OF GAMESTOP DEREK BONER.
♪♪♪ ♪
>> THANK YOU. >> WHAT UP?
THIS IS CRAZY, DUDE! BY THE WAY, MY NAME'S
DEREK EVANS, BUT I MADE YOU SAY BONER.
>> TERRIFIC. NOW, WOULD YOU SAY THE STOCK
MARKET STILL WORKS? >> FIRST OF ALL, IT'S PRONOUNCED
THE STONK MARKET, AND -- YEAH, HELL YEAH IT WORKS.
I TOLD YOU I PUT ALL MY MONEY IN GAMESTOP, AND I CAN'T LOSE.
>> SO, NORMALLY A STOCK PRICE REFLECTS THE COMPANY'S VALUE,
RIGHT? >> OKAY.
>> NOW TWO WEEKS AGO GAMESTOP WAS VALUED AT $17 A SHARE AND
THEN IT WENT TO $413 A SHARE. WOULD YOU SAY THAT REFLECTS THE
KIND OF BUSINESS GAMESTOP HAS BEEN DOING IN THE PAST TWO
WEEKS? >> WE SELL GAMES?
>> RIGHT, BUT ARE YOU GOOD AT IT?
>> NOT REALLY. PEOPLE DOWNLOAD THEIR GAMES NOW
SO WE'RE KIND OF, LIKE, WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
>> A DYING BUSINESS. >> YEAH.
THAT'S IT. >> SO YOUR PRICE SHOULD HAVE
GONE. >> DOWN?
>> BUT INSTEAD IT WENT -- >> UP THE MOST.
>> SO NOW IT SEEMS LIKE -- >> THE ENTIRE SYSTEM IS A JOKE?
>> EXACTLY. >> INTERESTING.
YOU WANT TO BUY MY STONKS? >> I'M GOOD, THANK YOU, BUT OUT
OF CURIOSITY, WHO ELSE INVESTED IN GAMESTOP?
>> OH, JA RULE. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.
SO THE STOCK MARKET NO LONGER WORKS.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOCIAL MEDIA.
SOME MIGHT SAY IT NEVER WORKED, BUT LET'S ASK TWO EXPERTS,
TWITTER CEO JACK DORSEY AND FACEBOOK FOUNDER
MARK ZUCKERBERG. ♪♪♪
>> WE COULD GET YOU A CHAIR, MARK.
>> I PREFER TO STAND. IT MAKES MY LEGS WORK JUST AS
HARD AS MY BRAIN. DAB!
>> HE'S ONE OF OUR BEST AND BRIGHTEST.
SO, GUYS, YOU'VE HAD TO SUSPEND THE ACCOUNTS OF MANY PROMINENT
CONSERVATIVES WHO WERE SPREADING LIES AND INCITING VIOLENCE.
HOW DID THAT GO? >> NOT WELL.
IT SEEMS TO HAVE FORCED THOSE PEOPLE ON TO DARKER, SCARIER
APPS WHERE THEIR DELUSION AND BLOODLUST CAN RUN WILD.
>> AND FUNDAMENTALLY, FACEBOOK STILL WORKS, NOT ONLY DOES IT
HELP FORM COMMUNITIES ONLINE, IT HAS
HELPED PEOPLE MEET AND CONNECT IN REAL LIFE, FOR EXAMPLE, AT
THE CAPITOL. >> AND WHILE WE'RE GATHERING
OPINIONS ON WHAT WORKS, WOULD YOU SAY THAT MY CHIN BEARD IS
WORKING? >> IT'S WORKING IN TERMS OF
KEEPING ME A LESBIAN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US. OUR NEXT TOPIC IS THE VACCINE
ROLLOUT. IS THAT WORKING?
JOINING US IS SOMEONE WHO JUST RECEIVED THE VACCINE,
O.J. SIMPSON. ♪♪♪
>> HOW'S IT GOING, GANG? GREAT TO SEE EVERYBODY.
I DON'T GET OUT MUCH, SO THIS IS FUN.
>> O.J., YOU GOT THE VACCINE? >> YEP.
>> TEACHERS CAN'T GET VACCINES, BUT YOU DID?
>> THAT'S CORRECT. >> PEOPLE WITH LONG-TERM LUNG
CONDITIONS CAN'T GET THE VACCINE, BUT YOU DID?
>> ABSOLUTELY. >> SO AMONG THE FIRST 3% OF ALL
AMERICANS GIVEN THE VACCINE WAS O.J. SIMPSON.
>> HEY, GUILTY AS CHARGED -- ABOUT THE VACCINE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> ALL RIGHT.
SO THE VACCINE ROLLOUT DOESN'T WORK.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING. >> I MEAN HONESTLY, MY SCHEDULE
WAS WIDE OPEN. GOD, THIS THING MAKES ME SO
ANGRY I SWEAR I COULD JUST -- HEY, STAY COOL, JUICE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> COOL, AND OUR LAST TOPIC
TONIGHT, TOM BRADY. IS TOM BRADY WORKING?
HERE WITH HIS THOUGHTS IS TOM BRADY.
TOM, THIS IS YOUR TENTH SUPER BOWL APPEARANCE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> YOU'RE 43 YEARS OLD, BUT YOU
LOOK 27. >> I HAVEN'T EATEN SUGAR IN 15
YEARS. >> YOU WENT TO HISTORICALLY ONE
OF THE WORST FRANCHISEES IN FOOTBALL AND IN YOUR FIRST YEAR
YOU TOOK THEM TO THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, BUT IT'S REALLY A TEAM EFFORT.
>> NO, DON'T EVEN TRY IT. NO ONE ELSE BELIEVES THERE IS
ANYONE ELSE ON THE TEAM. MY POINT IS YOU STILL WORK.
>> YEAH. >> YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WIN
FOOTBALL GAMES AND YOU JUST KEEP WINNING THOSE FOOTBALL GAMES?
>> YEAH. >> YOU MIGHT BE THE ONLY THING
IN AMERICA THAT STILL WORKS. >> YEAH.
>> SO I GUESS EVERYONE MUST BE ROOTING FOR YOU, RIGHT?
>> ALMOST NO ONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU, TOM
BRADY, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY GOD DAMN THING THIS COUNTRY CAN
STILL RELY ON, AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE A WEIRD TRUMP GUY OR
ANYTHING, RIGHT? >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> AND THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
"WHAT STILL WORKS." I'VE BEEN KATE McKINNON AS
MYSELF, SLOWLY LOSING MY MIND, ALONG WITH ALL OF YOU.
STAY STRONG OR WEAK. WEAK IS A GREAT OPTION, TOO.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
Everything in the skit was a little too on the nose.
Is she really a lesbian?
No discussion of how gamestop's short interest is >100%, huh? Just crazy people on the internet!
Can anyone share a mirror that works for us non-USAers?