♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] -If you put your hands up,
does it mean to stop or does it mean to go?
-Water. -Does it mean stop?
-Hot water. [ Cheers and applause ] -Hello, welcome to "Bronx Beat." I'm Betty. This is Jodi. -We're back, people.
-We're back. -We're back.
-We're back. [ Cheers and applause ] You know what, we're back
because we can't do this sho in the summer.
There's too much going on. -No, it's too hot
and there's -- -There's only one air
conditioner. -And it goes,
"Pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah-pah." -Yeah. Fwlwlwlwlw! -School is out. There's kids
everywhere during the summer Everywhere you go, is riddle
with kids. -My house is literally fille
with children all summer long, none of them mine. All I do is make food
for other people's kids. I'm like a short order cook. Some weird kid comes up to m
and says, "Mrs. Deitz, can I have some
milk?" And I say, "I don't know, go ask your
mother. I have no idea who you are." [ Laughter ] -Baseball, football,
soccer ball, hockey ball, you-name-it ball. -Pick somebody up here,
drop somebody off there. Rabbits, dogs, weird smells. My car and my house are like
a petting zoo. -You know what I did? The minute the school bus
picked up my kids, I put my feet up,
I poured myself a glass of white wine.
-Good for you. -So what if it was
8:30 in the morning? I'm a grown up.
Mind your business. -Who cares? Have a whole bottle. I don't care what you do,
do whatever you want. You're a big girl.
Go to the movies. -I'm not going to the movies
No way! Not going to the movies. Because now,
in theaters everywhere, bed bugs.
-Ugh, bed bugs. -Bed bugs, bed bugs. -Everywhere.
-Bed bugs. -Bed bugs.
-Bed bugs. -Bed bugs.
-The movies. -Restaurants.
-Gross. -Your house.
-Disgusting. -You know how bed bugs
get into your house? -Why, how?
-They ride in on the backs of mice.
-What?! -Marauding armies of bed bug
galloping in on mice. -I'm gonna be sick. -So guess what --
You got bed bugs? Congratulations,
you also got mice. -Disgusting! Hey, hey, guess what bed bugs? Do me a favor -- Take a hike I didn't invite you.
Grab your saddles, jump on your tiny mice, and ride
yourselves out of my house Giddy up, giddy out.
-All right. All right. All right. So, Jodi, tell everyone what
you did this summer. Tell 'em the big news. She and her husband
renewed their vows. -Yeah, whatever.
-Tell 'em everything. -Okay, so everybody knows I hate
my stupid husband. -Right. -So I have a near-death
experience. I'm standing on the commod
changing a light 'cause, of course, he won't. Toilet seat gives way, and long story short,
I saw a light. Bathed in the light, my dead
auntie Joann, I swear. -Oh, my God. She died?
-Yeah. You didn't know that? -Oh, she was so old.
-I come to. My stupid husband's giving
mouth-to-mouth to me. Next thing you know,
we start making out. Boom! We're renewing our vows. [ Laughter ] -There she goes.
-What could I do? -There she goes. -I love the stupid guy! Gave me my three kids! He saved my life! -You know what? You know wha
I wish my husband would renew? -How?
-His commitment to cleaning up after that stupid bird he bought
himself for his birthday. So dumb.
-Hate that thing. That parrot's gonna outliv
the both of us. -You know what? Those dumb
things live 70 years. -So dumb, those birds.
-So dumb. What kind of pet is that?
-Dumb, stupid birds. Okay, enough.
-Yeah. -All right.
Let's get to our first guest -Oh, God. That's right.
We have a guest. -All right. There's been a lot
of hubbub, a lot of hullabaloo -Hullabaloo is right.
-Hullabaloo is right. Hello. -Hullabaloo.
-Hullabaloo. -Down at the public librar
about this girl. She's 16. She volunteers reading
books to kids. -Oh. That's wonderful.
-Yeah. -And you know what?
She used to babysit for me She is adorable.
Let's bring her out here. Maureen DeCicco!
-Here she comes. [ Cheers and applause ] -Hey, Betty. Hey, Mrs. Deitz How are you?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa. -How's Joe Jr.?
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Oh, my goodness. Whoa. Holy moly, Maureen. You have really developed
over the summer. -Yeah, developed.
Honey, you've exploded. -Kaboom!
Those are some bazooms. -Like, kapow! -Kablooey.
-Bing, bang, boom. -Va-va-vooey.
-Va-va-vooey, va-va-vooey. Ba-ba-booey.
-Ba-ba-booey. I hardly knew ye. Maureen, what the hell
happened to your shirt? -It looks like today's sho
is brought to you by the number 38
and the letter DD. [ Laughter ] -Well, I guess I --
I developed over the summer. -Oh, you guess? Look at Elmo His head's all stretched out -It is?
-Yeah. You remember when Jerry Lewi had to take all those steroids
and his head blew up? That's what Elmo's head look
like right now. -It does.
-It does? -Yeah.
-Yeah. Let me tell you what you
need to do, Maureen. Listen closely. Tell your ma
to take you down to Kohl's and get yourself a good bra.
-A good bra? -Yeah. Okay?
-Yeah, okay? And ask for Paula.
-Paula. -She's a miracle worker.
-Unbelievable. -She doesn't even use
a tape measurer. She just walks around in
a circle and eyeballs you. She's like a oracle. -What are you, honey, a 32
-32? -You a 32?
-Yeah, you a 32? -What are you, a 32?
What are you, a DD? -DD?
-You're a DD? 2-D? 3-D? -DD? More like 3-D. -Tell me about it.
I need some glasses. Need those glasses.
-Cowabunga. -Ai-ai-ai.
-Ai-ai-ai. -Va-va-voom.
-Yeah, well, the library told me to wear some
looser-fitting clothing. It's so embarrassing.
-Hey, listen to me. Never be embarrassed
about your body. -Never.
-Never be embarrassed about your body.
-Never. -It's beautiful.
-Beautiful. -In France,
everybody walks around with no shirt on whatsoever.
-Yeah. -Everyone -- boobies
as far as the eye can see. -It's Boobieville.
-La boobies. And you know what?
Good for them. They know how to do things
over there. -Yeah.
-I'm this close to moving to France, except that
I can't speak the language and I hate the people. -Also, you know what? Who care
if kids are looking at boobs Boobs feed babies, all right
Boobs feed babies. I turn on "CSI" the other night, and there's a dead guy
with a worm in his eye. But we can't look
at the tops of boobs? So dumb, America.
-So dumb. So dumb. So dumb You know what? You do your thing
at the library. The kids come for the boobs,
they stay for the books, everybody wins.
-That's right. -Oh, my gosh. You're right Yeah! Yeah!
-No, no, no, honey. Don't bounce.
-Don't bounce. -No, no, no.
You got to cool it, Maureen. -Cool it, Maureen.
-You know what? -All right.
She's beautiful, huh? I want to ask you some mor
questions. -I want to ask you
how your ma is. How's your ma?
-My mom's great. She loves the spaghetti
you brought. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Film projector clicking [ Indistinct conversations ] -When do we go?
-Are we on now? -When the arm is up,
does it mean we're starting? -When the light goes on.
-Oh, this means we're starting All right, hello.
Okay. Hello, hello. -I can't even tell. -Whoo! This is "Bronx Beat."
-Hello. -I'm Betty, and she's Jodi
-I'm Jodi. Hello. Welcome to "Bronx beat."
-Ugh. God, why do we do this sho
today? -I don't even know.
What is this show? I honestly have no idea. You know, when I left the hous
this morning, it was pitch dark outside. There was nary a person
on the street. -Nobody but nurses and drunks.
-Nurses and drunks. It's so early.
-It's so freezing out! -Ugh!
-I'm cold. I'm depressed. -Oh, I know.
-What do you call that, that seasonal depression?
-Wintertime. -Wintertime. Yes.
-You know what? You know wha I wish I was a bear. So I coul
sleep and wake up -- wake up when it's spring.
-Just hibernate. -Hibernate. I want to go
into one of those bear comas You know, wake me
when it's over. -You know, you know,
if I hibernated, if I went into a bear coma you know what would happen
to my husband? He would starve to death.
-Yeah. Yeah, my husband thinks
the microwave is a big clock -Oh, stupid, stupid. You know,
wake me up when it's summer. You know what?
I'm grouchy today. -You are grouchy.
-I'm grouchy. -You know what? I am grouchy -You know, we're allowed
to be grouchy. Be grouchy. Be good to yourself,
you only live once. -You're right, you're right.
-And the way things are goin these days, the whole world'
gonna blow up. -Everybody at my house is sick
-You know what? People don't know what to do a
my house. They don't know how to use
a Kleenex. It's disgusting!
-So many germs. You know, I would pay $1 million
for someone to come to my hous and get rid of all the germs My house is germ city.
-What would they use? How can you get rid of all
the germs in your house? What, gallons of Purell?
-Anything. -It's not going to work.
-Oh, I don't know. It doesn't matter.
-You know what I saw on TV There are bugs that live
in your eyelids. -What?
-And you can never get them out. -Disgusting.
-Never. -That's gross.
Jeez, now I got to add tha to my list of worries.
-I know, your eyelids
are the bug's house. -Gross.
-Forever. Garbage. -What -- Why do you
got to tell me that for? Just bring on the guest.
-All right. We have guests, plural.
-Oh, God, there's two of them? -Here we go. Yeah, two.
God, all right, just -- -Just bring them out.
-Bring them out, so we can get this over with.
All right, I can't read this You need to type these names -I was half-asleep when I-
I got here this morning. I'm sorry, my hand was froze
like in a claw position. -Is this an "S" or a "5?"
-Who knows, I wasn't myself. -All right. Dr. Joseph,
oh, you're already here. -Oh, sneaking up on us.
Hello. -All right,
so where are you from? -We're from the New York
Blood Center. And we're launching our
Bronx community blood progra to help increase the level o
blood donations in the Bronx -Oh, stop saying blood.
-Oh, God. It's making me sick. The word blood.
-Yeah, I'm gonna faint. -I can't even look
at a sewing needle. It's like I'm going to -- No -Yeah, all these medical shows
They make me sick. I can't even watch "Scrubs."
-Ugh! Yuck, Yuck, Yuck. Go ahead. -Joe and I will be at
the North Central Bronx Hospital in the nurse's residence
Sunday from 12:00 -- -Uh-huh.
So how long you been married Huh? -Oh, we're not married --
I mean, not to each other. He's married.
-[ Chuckles ] -Not for long. Because guess what --
He loves you. -He loves you.
-He loves you. Look at the way
he's smiling at you. Vava-voom!
-Vava-voom! -Lovebirds. They're in love! The feeling is mutual. Look.
She's got oogily eyes for him. -Look at the eyes!
-Adorable! -We have a great deal of respect
for each other, but we're strictly coworkers -Yes. [ Laughs ]
Strictly professional. -Yeah. Sure, sure.
-Yeah. Sure, sure. -Okay. That's what you're
going with. All right. Yep -Whateva.
-So, blood drive. Ugh. Blood drive. -You know what? Two things
I hate. Blood and driving. -Ugh! You know what ever word I hate
"Hemoglobin." -Gross. -It doesn't make any sense
It makes me sick. -Well, we started the progra
a few months ago, and we're very excited -- -Let me ask ya something.
You two share an office? -Well, there are a few of us
in the office. -Oh, close quarters.
-Uh-huh. Long hours. -Yep. Drinks after work? -You know, the last time I had a
romantic drink with my husband Nineteen Eighty-Neva. [ Laughter ] You know where he takes me
to eat? Chez Nowhere. It drives me nuts. I hate him.
But you know what? I love him. -Oh. Here she goes. -Gave me my two daughters.
And my son. He's a good man. -Very emotional now. God.
-I know. -Alright. Anyway.
Blood Drive. Go. -Blood drive. Go.
-Yes, please. Come down. Donate blood.
It's easier than you think -Hey. Let me pass somethin
on to you two. Love has no color. [ Laughter ] -She's right. Color of
your skin, doesn't matter. -I dated a Puerto Rican once
-[ Gasps ] -Met him at a Yankees game
He was handing out nuts. [ Laughter ]
Drove my parents bonkers. -Sexy! I didn't know that!
-He was such a good kisser Oh, he's such a good kisser.
Not like my husband. Ugh! Kissing my husband
is like kissing nothing. -Tell me about it.
-It's like kissing a dead fish I'd rather read a book.
I'd rather kiss a book! -Yeah.
-Ugh. -I bet you two smash your face
together any chance you get. -Yeah.
-Let me tell you something You are gonna open your desk and there's gonna be
a secret Valentine in there. And guess what. It's from him. -Bingo, Jodi. He loves you
-He's in love with you! -Lookit! He's loving on you!
Go ahead. Kiss her. -Yeah, no one's watching
this show. Just kiss her. -Kiss her! No one's watching
Just go ahead. -It'll be cute. Just do it
-Just kiss each other. -Come on!
-We're pressuring them. We're pressuring them.
-You're right. -Take your time. Take your time.
Love needs time. All right How do we take a call?
How do we do this? -Uh, I dunno.
-Stupid. There's buttons. -This thing drives me nuts
-Hello? -Ma? I threw up. -Aww, it's little Frankie.
You threw up, baby? All right. Where are you? -I threw up on your bedspread. -Aww, the bedspread
is beautiful. -Sweetie, tell your daddy to
get you some flat ginger ale Where's your father?
-He's down in the garage. -Unbelievable. He's in the
garage, making his own beer. -Ugh! Grow up. So stupid. -All right. Bye, Frankie.
Go get your dumb father. -Ugh. God. So, you two are doctors. So what's Frankie got? The flu
-Maybe. -Yeah. What's little
Frankie got? The flu? -He got chicken flu?
-Stomach flu? -Bird Flu?
-Chicken Flu? -Super Flu?
-Mega Flu? -Mega Flu? Mega mega flu?
-Super duper flu? -Yeah. I'll tell ya. I'll tell ya what
everyone does have. Bugs in their eyelids.
-Ugh! -Can't get them out.
-Freaky. -Disgusting. It's garbage. All right, you guys, take care
-All right. Yeah. You love birds take care.
Do your thing. Bye-bye! -Bye-bye! -We are not in love. -What? We're not? [ Audience awws ] -This weather, it's a mess
-I know. -And your husband with
the beer, too. Forget it. -The whole house
smells like a distillery. -It's disgusting.
It's your house. -It takes like garbage. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪♪♪ [ Indistinct conversations ] -Oh, my God. Hello.
-Hello. All right.
Welcome to "Bronx Beat." -I'm Betty.
-And I'm Jodi. You knew that.
-Yeah. All right. So why ain't you
drinking your coffee? -Oh, what, I didn't tell you
I go to the doctor yesterday News flash -- I got IBS,
irritable bowel syndrome. -Ugh! Who doesn't have it? -No chocolate, no nuts,
no cheese... -No.
-...no coffee... -What?
-...no wine... -What?
-...no salt... -What?
-...no pepper... -What? Nightmare. What can you eat?
What can you have? -Oh, here's what I can have --
water and nothing. I can have as many helping
of nothing as I want. It's an all-you-can't-eat
buffet. -You know what? If I had IBS
I would kill myself. -Yeah.
-Toodle-oo, sayonara, bye-bye. -Bye-bye. But you know what?
At least the weather's turned. -Oh, sweater weather.
-Sweater weather. -Sweater weather.
Finally, sweater weather. -Sweater weather. Ohh!
-Sweater weather. -It's about time.
-It's about time. -Sweater weather.
-Sweater weather. -Ohh.
-Finally, sweater weather. -Thank God. Sweater weather.
-Sweater weather. -Oh, boy, all right.
Well, we got a guest. -Every time with the guest. Why? -I know, but do you know what?
The sooner we get the gues out here, the sooner we ca
get the show over with, and then we can get out of her
and we can have a nice glass of w-- What am I talking,
glass of wine? I got IBS! I can't have
any of that. My life is over -Let me tell you something You have a glass of wine,
your butt's gonna explode. -True. All right. Well,
let's bring out our first guest. He's a firefighter
here in the Bronx, and he's gonna talk to us
about fire safety. -All right, Jenna. Bring him
out. His name is Paul Dooley Jenna, bring him out.
-Paul Dooley. Bring him out. -Bring him out, Jenna.
-Hello, Mr. Dooley. -Hi. How are you?
-Good. How you doin'? -Handsome.
-Handsome. -Handsome.
-Look at you. -Handsome, handsome.
-How you doin'? Thank you. -Very handsome. Like all
firefighters. Am I right? -I don't know, but thank you
for having me on your show Uh, I just -- Me and some
of the guys at 114 Ladder, we're going around the borough
mostly schools, mostly children, talking to people about
fire-safety preparedness. -Sure.
-All right. You know what? Hey, hey, did you hear? Those California fires --
started by man, not nature -Yeah, yeah. Some jerk woke up
got out of bed, put his pants on, and said, "You
know what I'm gonna do today I'm gonna light a fire and rui
a bunch of people's lives. -You know what I would say
to that guy? I would say,
"I'm glad you like fires 'cause you're gonna
burn in hell." -Yeah.
-Right, Paul? Right? -You know, arson's
a very serious crime. Most of your fires, though
are started accidentally. It's why it's
so vitally important to fireproof your home, especially with
the upcoming holiday season. -Yeah. You know what holiday
I am glad is over? -Huh?
-Halloween. -Yeah, stupid Halloween.
-Ugh. -I got to buy candy
for other people's kids. -I had a full-grown man
come to my door in jeans and a white hooded sweatshir
and said he was a ghost. -Ugh!
-Demanded candy. -Ugh! Forget about it.
Beggars and bums. -You know what? If you're
old enough to buy beer, you're old enough
to buy your own candy. -Yeah. And get this. My little one wanted
to go trick-or-treating as a Pussycat Doll, all right? I said, "No way. 11-year-old girls do not wea
shiny underwear." -No.
-"You are going as Nemo, just like you did
the last three years. -Yeah. Let me tell ya something.
You gotta watch that one. It's gonna be hard
to keep her off the pole. -True. -So, Paul...
what else do we need to know -Stop, drop, and roll, right -Well, I mean, basically,
every household should have a plan
for how to escape during a fire. -Hey, Paul, let me ask you
There's a fire in your house What's the one thing
you're supposed to grab? -Yeah. Paul,
tell us what to grab. -Tell us what to grab, Paul.
What do we grab? -What do we grab?
You know what I would grab I would grab my kids
and my holiday leather pants -Nice. -You know, we normally advis
everyone not grab anything Just get out.
-Yeah. I would also grab my husband
but I would also have to gra the TV set because that'd be
the only way to lure him out 'cause he's so dumb! But I love him!
-Oh... -Gave me my two daughters.
-Here we go. -And my son, all of whom
I would also grab! Oh, my God. The IBS has
made me so emotional. -News flash, Jodi. News flash.
You were born emotional. Go ahead, Paul.
What else? What else? -I was just gonna say, not t
put too fine a point on it a fire breaks out, really al
you should grab is yourself. -Well, that's good
'cause my husband's an exper at grabbing himself. [ Laughter ] -You know what?
Firemen are hunky. -You know why?
You know why they're hunky 'Cause they protect you.
-Yeah. You know what I bet you got,
Paul? You know what I bet you got?
Killer abs. -What's that?
-You got rippled abs. -Yeah. Are they rippled, Paul?
You got, like, a 6-pack of abs -You got an 8-pack of abs?
-No. What? No. -You know CPR?
You know mouth-to-mouth? -I'm trained in it, yeah. -Oh, yeah, yeah.
You know mouth-to-abs? -Yeah. -You, uh, you know how to make
your mouth go south? -Hey, take it easy.
-What? I'm just having fun No one's watching.
No one's watching. No one's even watching
this show. -Paul. Hey, Paul. You know where
there's never gonna be a fire? My bedroom, 'cause every night my husband's
making love to ESPN. If I ever have to hear
that "SportsCenter" song one more time,
I'm gonna kill myself. ♪♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na ♪♪ Every night!
♪♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na ♪♪ -Let me tell you something.
told you what you should go get. -What am I gonna do,
walk into one of those store and buy one of those things?
-Go into the store and buy one of those things. You are in charge
of your own pleasure. -Maybe I --
Maybe I should get goin'. -No. You stay.
-No. You stay, Paul. You know what? We're gonna go. You're gonna stay
and finish the show. -Yeah, Paul. You know what
Just hold up your pamphlet -Yeah. We're gonna get
a glass of wine. One glass of wine is not
gonna kill you, all right? -We'll have one glass of wine.
Maybe we'll go to that store -Yeah. You're in charge
of your own pleasure. All right, Paul. We're leaving
-Nice to meet you, Paul. Bye-bye.
-Okay. Good to see you. Uh, that -- I guess that's gonna
be "Bronx Beat" for today. Uh, remember fire safety
with the upcoming holidays Shout-out to all the guys
at 114 Ladder -- my friend Bernie,
Mikey Spratford, Mike Smith, Bruce George, uh, uh, my wife! Ha ha! Okay. What's up? [ Cheers and applause ]
