-Hey.
Hey, Pluto, hi. Boy, it must be fun
to work here. Although the biggest drawback
to working in a theme park is that you must live under
constant fear of deadly
terrorist attacks. [ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ] ♪♪ [ Carnival music playing ] ♪♪ -Good morning. Welcome to the Mickey's
Breakfast Jamboree. My name is Billiam, and I'll be
serving you today. You guys here on a special
occasion? -Well, we're here on that
new Magical Gatherings family package. Got the whole Matusic clan
down from Ohio! Right guys? Say "hi."
-Hi! -Well, great. Let me tell you Mickey's
specials today. We've got steak and eggs served
with some home fries and Mickey waffles.
-Whoo! I love me some steak and eggs! -Ever since they found
mad cow disease in the U.S., I'm not
taking any chances. It can live in your body
for years before it ravages your brain. [ Horn wah-wahs ] -♪ You're enjoying your day ♪ ♪ Everything's going your way ♪ ♪ Then along comes ♪ ♪ Debbie Downer ♪ ♪ Always there to tell you
'bout a new disease ♪ ♪ A car accident
or killer bees ♪ ♪ You'll beg her to spare you,
"Debbie, please!" ♪ ♪ But you can't stop ♪ ♪ Debbie Downer ♪ -Well, we did it, gang.
We pulled off -- a family reunion at Disney. I don't know about you guys, but
the first thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna ride that haunted
elevator thingy! It drops you straight down. -This is my dream come true.
I mean, I'm totally serious. Tigger hugged me at the door,
and I thought I was gonna cry. -Aww. -I guess Roy isn't doing as well as
they first thought. -What? Who's Roy? -Roy of Siegfried & Roy. He was attacked by his own tiger and suffered devastating
injuries. [ Horn wah-wahs ] [ Laughter ] -So, hey, who wants to go on
Space Mountain with me? -Me! Yeah!
[ Cheering ] -I want to see
the Country Bear Jamboree! -Ooh!
-I want to go to every country in Epcot, and greet them in
their own native language. Hola! Konichiwa! Hi! -Did you guys hear about that
train explosion in North Korea? [ Horn wahs ] The media is so sensitive
there -- so secretive. [ Laughter ] We may never know how many
people perished. [ Horn wah-wahs ] [ Laughter and applause ] -Who's ready for
Mickey waffles? -Oh, me, me, me, me, me, me. -Oh, yay. -Oh, my God. I just made eye contact
with Pluto, and he's coming over here. -Pluto!
-Pluto! -Pluto!
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm hugging Pluto.
I'm at Disney World, and I'm hugging Pluto! Somebody take a picture. -I want to be in it.
I want -- I want to be in this one. -Well, you guys, Disney World
really is fun. Makes me feel like a kid again. I mean the time before
my two-year stint at Children's. [ Horn wah-wah-wahs ] Oh. Hey.
Hey, Pluto, hi. Boy, it must be fun
to work here. Although the biggest drawback
to working in a theme park is that you must live under
constant fear of deadly
terrorist attacks. [ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ] -Pluto! Pluto, wait. Where you going? -With that costume on,
he's probably in the early stages of
heatstroke. [ Horn wah-wahs ] [ Laughter and applause ] Speaking of --
Speaking of -- [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Speaking of heat, if this
greenhouse effect keeps up, we'll all be living under water. [ Horn wah-wahs ] [ Laughter and applause ] [ Laughter ] By the way -- By the way, it's official. [ Laughter and applause ] I can't have children. [ Horn wah-wah-wah-wah-wahs ] [ Cheers and applause ] -You know what, Debbie? You are totally ruining
my trip to Disney! I didn't say a word during
"It's a Small World" when you talked about
low birth weight or during the fireworks,
when you went on -- when you went about about
feline AIDS. -It's the number-one killer
of domestic cats. [ Cats meows ] -I can't take it! [ Laughter and applause ] -So, after this, we'll hit
the park, guys? -Yeah. -Slather up the sunscreen. I had a mole looked at recently. The doctor told me that
due to the extent of its irregular borders,
I'm flirting with a melanoma. [ Horn wah-wahs ] [ Laughter and applause ] You guys go ahead. I'll meet you
at my favorite ride -- the Hall of Presidents. [ Horn wah-wahs ] -♪ No, you can't stop
Debbie Downer ♪ -They never did catch
that anthrax guy. [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -Aloha. Welcome to the island of Kauai. -Oh, thank you. Thank you. -We're on our honeymoon. -Oh, how sweet.
-Yeah. Honeymoon in Hawaii.
-Yeah. -That's so original. -Thanks. -It must be fun
working here, huh? -Oh, it's great. They make us wear grass skirts. -We play the same song
over and over. -We make $7 an hour.
It's a dream job. -Well, Hawaii's
a beautiful place to live. -Yeah, you should have
seen it before it was covered in hotels. -Yeah, here's a fun fact
about Hawaii. Our biggest export is coffee, and our biggest import
is fat, white tourists. [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] ♪♪ ♪♪ Aloha.
-Aloha. -Where are you guys from?
-Boston. -Boston. Let me ask you guys
a question -- When you guys go to
a restaurant in Boston, is it acceptable to wear Crocs
and a bathing suit? -What?
-Well, you know, in Hawaii, we have a name
for people like you -- garbage. [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] ♪♪ ♪♪ Hey, how are you guys tonight? -We're great. -This place is so peaceful. You must love living here. -Oh, it's peaceful? Peaceful here
in your oceanfront resort? Because my brother and I here
live 15 miles inland. Yeah. There's a rusty pickup truck
with weeds growing out of it. Yeah.
That's our house. -Yeah.
You want to come visit? It's real easy to get to. You just drive
through the shantytown, make a right at the meth lab,
and you'll see a 15-year-old girl
who got pregnant by an out-of-town businessman. Then ask for her brother.
That's me. [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] -Skip me, please. I hate this kind of thing. Squeegee musicians, skip me. -Okay.
-Okay. -We respect that.
-Respect. -Alright. [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] ♪♪ -Hey, guys.
Guys, check it out. Leis. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. The second
we got off the airplane, we got "lei'd." [ Both laugh ] [ Glasses shatter ] [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -Wow, you guys are great. -I love your traditional dance.
What does it mean? -Oh! Well, it means
I dropped out of high school, so now I have to dance like
a monkey in front of you people. -You guys probably assume
that Hawaiians are uneducated. It's not like,
uh, our president's
Hawaiian or anything. -Yeah.
-Barack Obama? Isn't he from Illinois?
-You know what? -No, no. Hold on,
hold on, hold on. It's okay. She knows.
Now she knows. -Anyway, aloha. -Oh, wow, aloha. You know, you really
made an effort to learn our language. -Yeah, you know,
"aloha" has multiple meanings. -Yeah, it can mean hello,
good-bye, or suck it. -So, um, aloha. -Yeah, aloha hard. [ Both singing in Hawaiian ] ♪♪ -You know, I think
our shift's over now. -That's too bad, brother.
I was having fun. -Yeah.
I really liked those people. -Yeah. -Alright, let's do it.
-Let's go. ♪♪ [ Somber music playing ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -[ Speaking Italian ] [ Speaking English ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Yes, yes. ♪♪ -Are we really going to get wet
on this ride? I just got my hair done. -Sweetie, can you just
try to have a good time, since it's your birthday? -You're right. Taking me to Universal Studios is as good as going to Paris
after all. -Oh, babe, look,
two seats in this one! Oh, come on! Shake a butt! -[ British accent ]
I'm coming, babe. -Yeah. Oh, it's a little shaky,
this thing. -Oh, alright. Grab my hand?
-I got you. I got your hand, babe. -I'm excited to see
real dinosaurs. -Oh, yeah, babe. Yeah, but they're not real,
babe. They're stuffed. -Oh, alright.
-Yeah. Oh, my God, Gene!
Look at this! No friggin' way! I haven't seen you in, what,
like two, three years? Oh, it's crazy, huh? You know, last time I saw you,
you was with your wife. Yeah.
What, you guys break up? -No. This is her. -Oh, whoa. What happened to you, honey? -What does that mean?
Is that good or bad? -Hey, you remember Jemma, huh? -Hi, I'm Jemma. I'm British. This is my pig Pipsqueak.
-Yeah. -She's British, too. -Okay, folks. Welcome to
Jurassic River Rapids. As a reminder,
this ride does get wet, so you will want to
secure your valuables in the center console there. And I'm sorry -- Is that a pig? -Yeah, yeah, I think so. This is your pig, right, babe? -Yeah. It's a mini pig. Look -- We dress alike. -Oh. Hey, hey. Hey, Gene, she dresses like
a pig, huh? How hot is that, huh? Hey, you about to pop through
those button-fly shorts? -Gene, you're not going to
bust your new shorts, are you? -I hope not. -Just don't. -Okay, well, uh,
I still can't let you have any animals on the ride,
so I guess I'm gonna have to hold him for you. -Oh, okay.
-Sorry about that. -Hey.
-Goodbye, Pips. Mummy's gonna miss you, but I'll only be gone for
like five minutes. Oh, it's okay! I love you!
[ Smooching ] Goodbye, Pipsqueak!
I love you! -Hey, Gene, Gene, she's talking
that sexy piggy talk. Bedtime talk to the pig, huh? Is your fly as strained
as mine, Gene? Ha! I can hear my zipper going,
"Oh, whoa, whoa! I can't hold it!
I can't hold it!" Hey, what do you think
your buttons sound like, Gene? -I don't know.
Maybe like, "Boop." -Oh.
-Does "boop" mean your button popped, Gene? -Oh, careful.
He bites and kicks. -Okay. Uh, make sure
you're all buckled in, and watch out for
those velociraptors. -Hey, hey. -Oh, wow! We're moving! -Hey, I know! Alright, here we go!
Dino time! Like that skinny Black guy
used to say, right? -I think he used to say
"Dyno-mite." -Yeah.
-I got a song called "Dynamite." -Oh, yeah, Jemma's a singer!
You remember that? -Oh, yeah, I actually do. You have a lovely voice. -Gene, duck. -Oh, my God! Why did you just tell him
to duck? -Oh, because I don't know
your name, girl. -Well, my name -- -Hey! Hang on, hang on. Jemma was about to sing. She sings.
You can tell us after. Hey, Gene -- duck! -Why? -Oh, you should've told me
your name, I guess. -Hey, give me a beat, babe. -Oh, you got it, babe. -♪ Boom boom blast, hey ♪ ♪ Boom boom blast, hey ♪ ♪ Got all in the club ♪ ♪ Shakin' their ass ♪ ♪ Girls are jel
'cause I'm the best ♪ ♪ But, boy, you better run
'cause I'm dangerous ♪ ♪ That's why they call me
Dyno-mite ♪ ♪ I just might ♪ ♪ Blow you a-way ♪ ♪ Boom boom blast, hey ♪ -Oh. Hey. -Wow. That was really great. Right, honey? -Well, I would dance to that. -Hey, hey, Gene,
tell your friend to duck. -What?! Oh, my God!
[ Dinosaur roaring ] -Hey! Hey, that's a mouth. Keeps coming. You gotta turn around
or something. -Look at that. -Oh. -Alright, guys, you survived
your adventure. Hope you enjoyed the ride. And, by the way,
you weren't lying. This pig kicks and bites
and is very nasty. -Hey, hey! Hey, don't you talk about
Gene's wife that way. I'm gonna kill this guy. -Oh, I-I'm talking about
the pig. -Hey, it's his wife, dude! -Hey. Can you help me? My -- My seat belt is stuck. -Oh, nice! Hey, you get to go twice, honey. -But I don't want to go twice. -Can you just have fun, honey?! -Bye, Gene's wife! -Oh! -We'll miss ya! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Culture, history... spaghetti. These are the things of
a boot country called Italia. Hello. I'm Joe Romano of
Romano Tours. For two generations,
my family has provided high-quality tours of Italy to people from
all over the world, but mostly
Long Island and Jersey. -We saw all of Italy in a bus,
okay? We ate every day incredible. -Yeah, I got to look
at the Pope, and he even told me,
"Happy birthday." -Thanks, Romano Tours.
-Thanks, Romano Tours. -Explore the old country with our award-winning
10-day vacation packages. See Venice, the city of wetness. Point and laugh at
the Tower of Pisa. And play with some dough
in Napoli. People love us,
but every so often, a customer leaves a review that
they were disappointed or didn't have as much fun
as they thought. So here at Romano Tours,
we always remind our customers, if you're sad now, you might
still feel sad there, okay? You understand?
That makes sense? Our tours will take you to the
most beautiful places on Earth. Hike the cliffs
of the Amalfi Coast. Fish with the nets in Sorrento. Do this. I don't know. But, remember, you're still
gonna be you on vacation. If you are sad where you are and then you get on a plane
to Italy, the you in Italy will be
the same sad you from before, just in a new place. Does that make sense? There's a lot
a vacation can do -- help you unwind, see some
different-looking squirrels. But it cannot fix deeper issues, like how you behave
in group settings or your general baseline mood. That's a job for
incremental lifestyle changes sustained over time. I want to be very clear about
what we can do for you. We can take you on a hike. We cannot turn you into
someone who likes hiking. We can take you to
the Italian Riviera. We cannot make you feel
comfortable in a bathing suit. We can provide the zipline. We cannot give you the ability
to say "whee" and mean it. You're not your sister. We can provide you with
a wine-tasting tour of Tuscany. We cannot change why you drink
or the person you become when you do, okay? I'm sorry, but it's true. And our friendly tour guides are
happy to take your picture, but, remember,
the pictures you're in are gonna have you in them. And if you don't like
how you look back home, it's not gonna get any better
on a gondola. -Right before we went
in the Vatican, he took my face in his hands
and he said, "If you feel bad about yourself
in a church back home, the Vatican is 100%
wall-to-wall church." -Mm-hmm.
So we went for 20 minutes, and then we went back
to the hotel and watched "Paddington 2."
-Yeah, the best. -Love the Vatican. -This may sound rude, but I'm
trying to temper expectations. I hate seeing people
beat themselves up on my tours. It really gets to me. And, please,
if you and your partner are having trouble
connecting, we guarantee our tour
will not help. If you don't want to touch each
other at home, be reminded, in Italy, you will have
those same bodies and thoughts. You're not blindfold,
strawberry-eaters in Mamaroneck. Why start in Sicily? Look, a day is a long time
to feel happy for all of it. Most of us get 45 minutes,
if we're lucky. And that's our motto
at Romano Tours. -Romano Tours -- We make
memories, not miracles.
