What Is Your "We Will Never Speak Of This Again" Moment?

what is your we will never speak of this again moment teenage me maybe 14 I find out a girl my age wants to suck me off in my neighborhood we meet in the woods one night and do the deed a week later she's posts it on MySpace that night I'm outside shooting hoops with my friends and her father walks over to my house and I immediately know what's going on he asks to speak to my parents and I let him in the house after the most painful hour of my life he appears out of the front door and leaves my parents call me in and we discuss it and I cry like a bee from being embarrassed it's been 15 years and it has never been brought up again a friend of mine and I were watching a movie on a site called rabbit you can all watch movies and browse the net on the same tab and somehow we got into an argument over horse dongs being able to kill people she looked it up online and we watched a nasty video of a man getting plowed by a horse little did we know a notification went around on our friend list saying Brent and dannan are watching man gets violated by horse and dies come what with them I am still was shamed one day about seven years ago also I went hiking with my sisters it was fun but exhausting so I decided to take a shower when we got back home I was also in the mood for some extra stress relief so I grabbed my flashlight and sneak its in with me I start undressing and notice a little brown spot about halfway down my inner thigh upon close inspection I realize it's a big fat fricking tick oh crap I think this bastards been stealing my blood for hours and who knows how many more are on me that I can't even see I know I can't handle this situation alone so I do what any sane rational person would do I burst out of the bathroom after fumbling with the doorknob run straight into the living room where my eldest sister is watching TV and say I have a situation that requires your assistance except all she heard was Bob help so she looks at me confused and then bursts out laughing that was when I realized I'm standing in the middle of the living room completely naked I cover my shame and run back to the bathroom to grab a towel my sister stops laughing and to come check on me and I finally managed to put into words that I have a ticker need help removing it as well as checking form all my my mom hears all the racket and starts coming out of her room to see what's what at the same time my sister looks me dead in the eye with the kind of face that just screams you're a goddamned [ __ ] now she quickly and elegantly grabs my flashlight off the bathroom counter and Chuck's it into the cabinet under the sink before right before my mom turns the corner he ended up helping get rid of the tick and check for more obviously trying very hard not to laugh while I just sit there in silent misery afterward I beg her to never mention this to anyone I threw my flashlight away later that week on garbage day so nobody else would see it my sister passed away a couple days ago from an overdose that we believed was a suicide oddly enough this is my favorite memory of her despite how embarrassing it is although while I'll never be able to share it with the rest of my family I'm sorry to hear about your sister rm8 thank you for sharing the time I showed my dong to my father because I thought it was shrinking I was 17 at school I ate something for lunch that didn't sit well with my stomach next thing I know I'm in my classroom hunched over feeling like my stomach is combusting I go into the bathroom to find that my dong has become short and black with the skin crusty and dry it felt like it would rip off if you tugged on it a little when I got home I was hysterical because I thought I would lose my dong or that this was permanent I decided swallow my embarrassment and show my dad we did nothing about it and eventually the skin went back to normal and my dong grew back to an almost normal size however my dong is not as long as it used to be both erect and flax it still to this day I don't know if the food I ate was the cause of it it was just a slice of pizza my dad and I have never spoken of that day update I think it's important to note that I'm black and I have light brown skin so it's possible that my dong wasn't actually black but the contracted skin made it look darker in color and I confused it for turning black also when I showed my dad my dong looked almost normal the skin wasn't as contracted and wasn't nearly as dry as it was when I looked in my school bathroom that's why he decided not to take me to the hospital didn't have a dad so one day my dong swelled up and I thought something serious was going on so I had my mom check it for me it turns out I had touched it after messing with cleaning supplies ten stroked ten never brought it up again and never will my brother had an imaginary girlfriend with an imaginary facebook profile she would post loving imaginary messages on his wall I asked about her a few times then got a little more persistent ater a while I got suspicious and did an image search for her photos they were for another person in another country also no one every saw the imaginary girlfriend if someone asked me about her after seeing their loving Facebook exchanges I would kind of imply that we'd met to spare my brother and myself embarrassment eventually he stopped talking about the imaginary girlfriend and she stopped posting imaginary things but I will never ask what happened to her I'm pretty sure he will never mention her again she is still on Facebook so what you're saying is the imaginary GF is single now in middle school my crushes mom and my mom drove the exact same SUV with similar license plates after school one day I ran up hopped in my mom's car and started talking when she didn't talk back and hadn't left the pickup line I looked at her she was not my mom I look to my right and my crush is standing outside the car looking at me like I was crazy I she push Lea got out and ran a few cars back to my real mom a few years later I had moved back to the area and was a cashier at a local store my crush came through the line and recognized me and started to say weren't you that girl who where I just interrupted with a yes handed him his change and quickly started the next customer a pro would have just went with it my mom walked in on me getting a bj in high school she immediately did a beeline in the opposite direction and said I didn't see anything then the girl and I went and ate dinner with him at our dinner table and we never spoke of it again that was the day your mom stopped seeing he was a little boy when I was 17 a huge photo radar ticket came in for my track something like forty kilometres over the speed limit my mom was furious at me how dare you drive like a maniac I raised you better and all that but it turns out I wasn't the driver that day dad had borrowed his to pick something up I asked him how much it was worth to him for me to take the fall knowing she turn on him with the fury of angry mama bear and that's I got myself a new HDTV that year my mom heard me talking to my best friend about the new edition of international club P magazine that had Geri Halliwell naked in it I got back from school one day and there was a brown paper bag on the sofa which my mom edge towards me and walked off 14-year old me was forever grateful you're the best mum my younger brother and I had an unspoken rule about my Victoria's Secret catalogs he would leave them alone and when my sis and I were done ordering stuff I would conveniently leave them on the back of the toilet for him we never spoke about the deal it was just understood win-win for everyone had to stay with a work friend one night as we had a conference in his hometown the next day it was weird enough staying in his spare room but to top things off he had a fancy modern bathroom with a square toilet which of course I blocked in the morning with a third the size of Mt Fuji after 30 minutes of fruitless searching for a plunger while this situation went from bad to worse he knocked on the door and asked if I was okay I had to tell him not to come in but to just hand me a frickin plunger and some bleach apparently his GF did the same thing the first night she stayed at his place so at least I'm not alone to this day I cannot look him in the eye at work sounds like this guy needs to get a better toilet I was at a pool party in eighth grade I think I may have been swimming around or sitting weirdly but I remember a friend of mine told me dude I just saw your dong me no you didn't friend you're right I didn't never spoke about him seeing my dong again when I was at a middle school pool party it was a bunch of my guy friends and one girl we were friends with halfway through her bikini tops Lipton dime eighty percent sure every one of the solet but nobody said anything she quickly fixed it and nobody has mentioned it in quite some time one time I was taking a poop and feeling very faint I started getting cold sweats feeling dizzy and lightheaded in a panic I shouted for my wife to come help me as she entered the room I proceeded to faint fall off the toilet and roll my body decide to prevent injury mid fall a solid turd torpedoed out of my butt across the floor leaving a trail of poop smear when I came to my wife was standing there in shock I got up grabbed some toilet paper and picked up my shame and we never spoke of it again whoa must have been a solid log to make you pass out I had surgery over the weekend and have been extremely constipated yesterday I was squatting over a toilet crying with a jar of Vaseline sitting next to me my friend who had come to visit opened the bathroom door and made eye contact with me as I was attempting to birth five days of fecal matter she then slowly backed out and shut the door everyone suggesting laxatives and stuff but I think you should just try locking the bathroom door last week I was in the separate bathroom at work pooping and just buying some time until the end of the day there wasn't much to do I accidentally had the door unlocked in this guy at my work opened it and saw me on the toilet and I didn't know what to say so I said hi before the end of the day I told him that whatever that was didn't happen this guy who I work with everyone is asking who he is and I am sitting here wondering why the Frick who put pooping in quotes what is pooping I got up one night to get some water and found that my teenage son was in the kitchen getting food he was behind the kitchen counter so I could only see him from the waist up when he came around the counter into the hall two things happened simultaneously he noticed me and his eyes grew wide in horror and I saw that he was butt naked except for a pair of socks he starts trying to panic run backwards on the tile floor imagine scooby-doo trying to run but getting stuck in place in a flurry of limbs but ended up slipping and taking a hard seat on the tile worst of all he dropped his hot pocket I made sure he was okay then went back to bed and laughed my blood off years later we were driving and reminiscing about funny memories I said do you remember that night and he cut me off with yes I didn't even have to specify which night we knew and we were silent my father and I had a peak Cold War there has been a tacit agreement never to speak of it and we haven't when I was a teenager my mother found my Hydro piece - both parents confronted me with it when I got home from school and of course confiscated it and of course threw it in the bin or so I thought months later I happened upon my collection hidden at the bottom of my dad's wardrobe hidden from my mother clearly so I took it back and hid it in my bedroom what's he going to do tell my mother I'd taken the pee he'd hidden from her that he was supposed to have thrown out and he found it again and took it back and did it and I found it again and took it back and did it this went on for years and it's never been mentioned and it never will be my husband and I work at the same small office we were the first ones in that morning and other employees usually don't show up for another hour or so there's only one bathroom on our floor as it's a small business anyway I had just had some habanero spicy thing the day before and I was in for some punishment on this particular morning I'm talking doubled over crunching your stomach your farts are fire punishment I hear a knock on the bathroom door and I assume it's my husband hang on I'm having the habanero squirts I'll be out as soon as I can I grown out between aweful spurting sounds I hear a female voice awkwardly reply oh okay sorry Stacy for pulling you into my terrible morning my husband and I work at the same small office we were the first ones in that morning and other employees usually don't show up for another hour or so there's only one bathroom on our floor as it's a small business totally thought this was gonna be a Frick story nope my wife and I were at my cousin's apartment in a big city they have a balcony on the 40th something floor we were all outside on the balcony drinking some beers and getting a little drunk my wife rests her be a can thank God he was a cannot a bottle or glass on the railing of the balcony I scold her and go to move it when my half drunk and clumsy self knocks it off and we watch in horror as it falls in slow motion 40 stories and hits the ground like a bullet next to a crowd of people we never mentioned it to anyone when my best friend died we figured he would have liked a sky burial kind off so with a height of the funeral party we released his ashes into heavens with a giant balloon after a few meters of flight the string has snapped and his remains covered the morning crowd everyone made their best efforts to get very drunk as soon as possible we will never speak of this ever the smoking hot guy I met the prior weekend asked me out and naturally I said yes because I just met him I asked if I could drive and he said no problem on the way to get some grub we're cruising along with the perfect Tunes playing in the car windows down on an absolutely beautiful night he looks over I look over we are both just sparkling you know it was one of those moments where you want to take a mental snapshot and then I guess we must have driven through an area of something he was allergic to because he sneezed a couple small ones then with one massive blow honker who would who would wad off snot all over my windshield and dashboard but unbelievably that's not the worst part nooow he pretended like it didn't happen and went about talking and scooping it up with his hands and smearing it onto his pants I was beyond mortified I was throwing up in my mouth my eyes were watering and he didn't want me to pull over to get it cleaned up we had to go to dinner like that with snotty pants sigh I ended up marrying him we have never ever spoken of it again not even 40 years later the last sentence is great after a house party when I was a teenager me and my friend both passed out on my bed about to stroke three hours later I woke up with horrendous cramp in my leg so I've sat on the edge of the bed massaging it trying to get rid of it my friend woke up and thought I was masturbating that got too awkward to ask WTF was going on he never said anything until the next morning when he was giving me a weird look I'd prefer we never speak of it again he loves twisting the story to any girls on nights out see Jim I even posted on reddit on how it was just a cramp and wasn't masturbating right next to you while you were sleeping therefore it must be true we were at a friend's hanging out he invited a few girls over and one of the guys knew where his nut rag was kept someone went to the kitchen and use tongs to grab it and show off the girls asked what it was and we began to just silently sit there thinking of something when I was a teenager I got really stoned one day and when I got home I went for a shower it was only me and my sister in the house while still incredibly high I got shampoo in my eyes in a little panic I slipped with the shower curtain down fell out the bath hit head on radiator and landed with my arm down the toilet my sister burst in to see what had made a huge crashing sound there's me naked wrapped up in a shower curtain on the floor with my arm down the toilet twelve years later and it's never been brought up when I was college age living at home but going to school my dad worked night shift taking advantage of my usually empty house he didn't get home until 11 a.m. or so on a weekend I decided to freak the crap out of my girlfriend at the time and I did and she was loud real loud like nearly two decades of Christian repression looking to take itself out entirely on my dong loud we finish towel off whatever go downstairs and pass my dad's door on the way it is now closed it was for sure open earlier look outside his car is in the driveway I can hear his TV in his room our room shared a wall the headboard of each bed he never brought it up again before this I a girl from work over super late but no place to do stuff so we ended up on the tailgate of my grandpa's truck parked outside in the open in an alley in town also important my dad's bedroom window faces this but I thought he was asleep we freaked it's fine she leaves I go back in next morning my dad says why was there a girl here last night oh we were just talking talking huh yep then he kind of gives me that I frickin no look and says all right talking by this point he probably thinks you have a fetish my parents had to help me get home after an unfortunate event with a dominatrix in Lithuania where I got robbed while strapped down naked on the bed she took off and I had to be rescued by the lithuanian police 15 years old i wonder into the living room in my boxers hand down the front enjoying being home alone a president george w bush is on TV talking about cloning with little understanding of what he is talking about i yell at the top of my lungs we are freaked when i was home alone and a teenager i like to get wacky like this probably just an outlet of excess energy and my general facade of being a decent kid dance around yell random things basically if you saw me in private at any point in these years you would have thought i was mentally ill heck maybe i am who can say unfortunately from the i was not home alone and my mom was in the living room watching this unfold she yelled at me and shocked at my behavior it was probably top 10 most embarrassed I've ever been in my life and it was never discussed again I know exactly what you are talking about because I do the exact same thing no mayo once I think the house is empty I get like bursts of energy to just shout and run around really fast like a kid again sooo it passed like five years since my dad divorced my mom anyway my mom is not too good with phone stuff my dad came to pick me and my brother up from my mom's apartment this was years ago when me and my brother were 14 and 16 so we talked out the man stuff with my dad were allowed to joke around with my dad about these stuff and our mom climbed in the back fear of my dad's car because my brother was in the front and she asked my dad to help her fix her phone she just bought a new one it was something was syncing contacts with Gmail I think so my dad opened up Chrome and my mom was on some website about education and my dad saw that she had around 100 tabs open so my dad opened them up and then it hit us my mom was searching for P and instead of deleting the history she just made a new tab me my brother and my father were watching we all had a short who had but we stopped instantly we didn't want our mom to know we saw that after like two seconds of being scared of all that wonky crap my mom was searching my dad shut down Crone and gave the phone to my mum he told her he didn't know how to fix it then my mom left the car we never ever talked about this not even between my and my brother and we were 100% open to each other I don't think I dare to touch her phone ever again trying to teach my new at the time girlfriend how to drive my manual car she told me she had done it a few times and knew what she was doing fast forward 10 minutes and I no longer have a front bumper she continues with I can't believe I did this your friends and family are gonna think I'm an idiot I just replied with I did this and we haven't spoke of it since everyone thinks I am the idiot you are a good so really nice that you took the blame to save her embarrassment some years ago the toilet in my kids bathroom got really clogged like and possibly clogged nothing not even one of those toilet snake thingies couldn't clog it it was so bad that I literally took the toilet bowl apart and removed it from the mounting determined to see just what the heck clogging it finally after some poking and prodding around I dislodge a small canister of hairspray you know those like travel-size versions about five inches high and maybe 1.5 inches in circumference confused I asked my son if he knew how that could have gotten in there he had a horrified look on his face as if I had dug something up out of her grave he was about 13 or 14 at a time so suddenly I had an idea of what was going on he tried to explain it away as though I was just fooling around and trying to see what I could flush down the toilet haha but I knew his butt was lying I totally knew he was trying to stick that thing up his butt and that it fell in I gave him a look as if to say I know they truth but I'm not gonna push the matter and we never spoke of it again I covered for him when I spoke to my wife and just told her that I think the kids were just fooling around and it fell in Lowell to push the matter if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 58,047

Rating: 4.8916254 out of 5

Keywords: wish it never happened, wish it never, never speak of this again meme, never speak of this again, we will never speak of this again, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: fTIS8OsoDCY

Length: 23min 19sec (1399 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 22 2020