What Have You Overheard While Faking Being Asleep? (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Stories)

people who have pretended to fall asleep what is something interesting you've overheard I remember way back I couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve you know being a little kid and all so during this sleepless night where I guess my parents thought I was asleep I heard my dad say where do you think we should hide the new puppy that was pretty much at the top of my list so naturally I was excited that I was getting a puppy they talked for a good 20 minutes about the puppy saying things like how should we keep it from barking before he finds him before I dozed off next morning I discovered that my parents knew I was awake and just decided to duck with me there was no god damn puppy I got a gameboy though so it wasn't too bad was spending the night at a friend's house I'm a guy she's a girl brought my friend over because we were out partying we all slept in the same room I was laying on the floor near my friend when I heard my friend Andrea call my name wanting to sleep I ignored her not moving to which she respond okay Andy I think he's asleep come here about five minutes later I hear the bed squeaking and her soft moans one of them sneezed about 15 minutes into it in which I responded bless you they immediately stopped tense both 10 would do again edit holy [ __ ] I got gilded thanks my gold was expiring in a few days now I can spend more time picking out these smokes instead of worrying about being builded when I was a kid my mom would make my brother and me take naps for like 45 minutes I pretended like I was sleeping and I heard my mom talking on the phone to my grandma during the conversation I assume my grandma asked what my brother and I were up to because she said him Holly's brother is sleeping and in Holly is pretending to be asleep I was like doc she said she knew I was faking because my mouth was closed and whenever I'm actually asleep my mouth is slightly open ever since that day whenever I'm pretending to be asleep for whatever reason I keep my mouth slightly open thanks for the tip mom we can retreat at church camp my buddy and another friend's girl and I ended up in a room with two bunk beds we were chillin when I realized that I was the third wheel so I powered down first there were tests to see if I was awake then she climbed to his top bunk then kissing then her moaning then her telling him he should wash his hand I got bored and did some fake sleep talking they laughed and continued but they called it a night without rounding home she left and I figured it was best to not give high-fives till the next day I don't know why I waited until we were at his house maybe she wrote back with us still it was my first time playing Super Nintendo and as he handed me the controller that would introduce me to Yoshi I asked him you did wash your hands right he was so thrilled to get to talk to someone about it when I was 8 on Christmas Eve I overheard Santa eating the cookies and drinking the milk later he opened the fridge and ate a large chunk of a cake and ran around the living room smearing the cake everywhere Santa was our dog night after drinking with friends I wasn't really pretending more trying to keep them my head from spinning I overhear my buddies say to Maya the friends say I wonder how easy it is to smother someone to death I'd have said something about keeping one eye open when you sleep for that exact reason but you were having the spins that's a valid reason to not fire off a response was in this messed up relationship with my ex-husband when I was pregnant with my second kid we had a roommate female but we would all have sex with each other because we were young and free-spirited or something anyway I pretended to be asleep one night because I didn't feel like having six that night and didn't want to turn anybody down or make up an excuse my ex-husband in the room made got to talking in the next room the bedroom door was open so I could hear them pretty clearly and she asked him why he married me anyway his response I just didn't know what else to do at that point seemed like the next logical step and I took it I honestly wish I hadn't done it and I wish I was single right now living life but now I have this ducking family and I'm not sure how I'm gonna get out hit me real hard a French girl I met in a hostel came into where I was sleeping and just sat there I had just cut it off with her so I didn't want to deal with her sheet so I pretended to be asleep for a few minutes she just mumbled random sheets she was pretty drunk finally what got me up was when in the cutest French accent she told me she was going to set me on fire in my sleep I should have mentioned that yes I did sleep with her again after that sometimes you gotta do messed up sheet to stay not on fire I was drunk at a party and couldn't fathom the world so I lay down closed my eyes in a dark room I heard two of my friends come in one came over to me and poked me and the ribs then said it's fine he's asleep then proceeded to talk about how both of them were cheating on their boyfriends and who at the party they wanted to dark a screaming match involving the line I want you to say one nice thing about my kids one followed by silence and door slamming I was less than three feet away as one of my best friends took a 19 years virginity we traveled from the beta will a to attend a rave with some girls we met at EDC a few months prior after all the partying took place one buddy took the older sister to his car and my other buddy started making moves on the younger sister I was sleeping on the floor and was petrified because I felt like if I moved it would Hill his game so I sat through the most awkward sexual experience of my life to help him get laid it was short and sporadic but they both seemed to enjoy it I think so I think I made the right decision pretending to be asleep on the floor as they bunny humped on the bed literally to one stroke two feet from me I was pretending to be asleep in a hostel dorm room because I didn't want to deal with others girl and the guy started ducking in the bed across from me she was on top and caner with a horsey yay whee my mum told a friend via telephone I thought my husband was cheating so now I do it too I still don't know what to do edit my father has not cheated and it's proven my mum is just stupid they're getting divorced now I heard my roommate on a cruise ship getting viciously and sloppily finger benched for over an hour while the guy kept saying to her to guess how many fingers are in you now pretended to be asleep at a sleepover heard my supposed friends planning to throw my clothes in the tree duck middle school that's nothing we filled my friend sleeping bag with uncooked hotdogs of course he woke up and resisted but we were stronger must have been about 16 17 ish was staying at a friend's house who was with his girlfriend he was the first in our circle to have six and he ducking loved to brag about it how much of a natural he was how surprised his girlfriend was that she was his first all that cliche bollocks we'll just laughed let him have his fun and got on with it anyway back to being at his place with her I go and crash early on the floor of their room in a kick-ass little blanket pile with her dog it was great I was just getting bored of him rampantly flirting at her like a brain-damaged peacock so about a half hour later they come in and of course they start ducking I honestly think they forgot I was there or something I hear very loud kissing a few Batman grunts a bit of whimpering they had started and finished in less than a minute so I'm lying curled up in the corner of their room under blankets and a dog listening to my friend crying Shane while his girlfriend was finishing herself off that was a great night when I was six strokes seven I remember staying up late without the Babis etre realising whilst my parents were out I remember when they came back home I was so worried about getting into trouble for still being awake that I pretended to be asleep mum came in the room asking whether or not I was awake I stayed quiet and then she just sat down on my bed she was quiet for what felt like forever but was probably only a couple of minutes before she bent over stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head whilst telling me how much she loved me and how much I meant to her and then she took the covers around me tighter and left to this day it's my favorite memory of her and one I've never shared with anyone edit thank you so much for the gold never expected to receive any it just proves what I've always known I have an amazing mom also to everyone who told me to tell her I will her birthday is coming up in a month so I'm going to figure out how to word it in a birthday card I was dozing off in my bed with my girlfriend at the time when I heard her confess her love for me she was pretty hammered but she went into intricate detail about how she feels respected enjoys the six and sees a serious future with me the next morning I got yelled at for not cuddling and hatted was a major issue I don't think she even knew of her confession spelling lying in bed when I was a little girl in my stepdad who must have been in there for half an hour jumped out of the airing cupboard in the dark roaring and terrified me still hate people jumping out on me suddenly revealing themselves when I was about 13 or 14 not that long ago I overheard my parents talk about my dog chowder I was in the living room half passed out from exhaustion while they were in the dining area shelter was in the vet for a couple of days because of something called distemper I just thought that after a few days he'd get better and go back home and be the normal dog he would be I was wrong I lay motionless on the sofa because I was lazy to get up I accidentally heard mom cry I heard words like what will we tell her and she can't notice before her exams she might not do well by this time I got really curious so I tried my best to stay awake while staying in the uncomfortable position that I was in a few other medical terms passed and I hear the word euthanize I knew what that meant and it took me a few seconds to put the pieces together I cried the whole night and they found out in the morning so they're not really interesting just heartbreaking I've heard my dad listening to porn through the speakers when I was a kid maybe seven or eight I couldn't even comprehend what I heard and fell asleep shortly thereafter you got to be younger than me because when I caught my dad looking at porn the pic was probably loaded 75% on the screen and my dad was panting like a dog not me but once during a sleepover in middle school this girl pretended to sleep to try and catch us saying bad things about her we never did we really liked her but we did say I wish Katherine was still awake at which point she snapped awakened was all hard you don't really love me well one time I heard my brother getting jerked off by his at the time boyfriend so glad we remodeled our house the following year and I got my own room finally my mom to her friend when I was like eight I don't actually even like her she's so annoying I want to get rid of her naturally I burst into tears she said she was sorry she knew I was awake and it was just a joke she's got a cruel sense of humor not me but was told to me by someone at a party apparently someone else who wasn't his father went upstairs with his mother while he was sleeping in the living room turns out it was his uncle not his father's brother his mother's brother on my way back from a race in Colorado and my buddy got pulled over for speeding in Iowa I was on the bench seat sprawled out trying to sleep when we pulled over I asked what's going on we're getting pulled over I promptly said you guys deal with that sheet I'm going to sleep pretended to be asleep and heard the cop go what the ducks up with your buddy is he okay and give my friends a ton of sheets for having me asleep in the back Gigi copped it and try and wake me though now that I think of it that's not even the first time I was a freshman in college and a couple friends rented a house in her eye and us all being underage idiots proceeded to have massive party cops raid in it I ran upstairs and jumped in a bed of faux cops barging looking for sheets shinning the flashlight in my face I still pretend to be asleep they call over and are like hey sensor this kid's Ducktown they laugh find a little wee down on the other bed in the road proceeded to let me sleep through everything my best friend and I were at another friend's house other friend had a boyfriend at the time but they were going through some sheet and split up but we were always like oh they'll get back together we had a pretty cool weekend of drinking games watching films and eating food we had the house to ourselves and we would fall asleep wherever I was put up in a room with a spare bed and next to the boyfriend because I'm a guy and they wanted the guys together I had been sleeping pretty rough one night and I awoke to hear soft moaning from the bed next to me he's just jerking off I thought so I just turned over and tried to sleep then it started again motor but it wasn't him it was a female by distorted hearing due to drifting out of sleeps had to get louder and more on she I was so freaked out I was fully awakened I just had to pretend to sleep and endure this nightmare after they finished he waddled off to the toilet after stepping on my bed naked if the girl was left there I looked at her to realize it wasn't his ex it was my best friend she thought I was asleep I thought he was ducking his ex but I still gave her a high-five for it back in grade school I was over at a friend's place with a couple other friends for a sleepover we were watching kenny vs spenny the episode where they see who can go around naked the longest or something his mom comes in and thinks he watching gay porn naturally we pretend to be asleep while him mom reams him out and thinks he's watching gay porn in front of us sorry Scott good times though fell asleep on a table outside at a party woke up but remained with head on table cute girl I was talking to earlier begins discussing me with my friend then says she considered getting off with me earlier but I kept passing out I'm like duck yin let's get it on drunk me springs up and says well I'm sober now then passes out again informed by said friend of my dear see the following day freshman year in college I wake up at 3 a.m. to my roommate and her friend drunk whispering about me in the kitchen area she gets up too early I hate how she doesn't go out on Fridays so annoying etc if you had a problem with me as a roommate tell it to me straight preferably do this early in the semester not the week before term ends so that I can adjust my habits and be a better roommate I had been sleeping on the couch in my CCA Room in school and I heard my name just as I woke up so I stayed put to eavesdrop a couple of mates were talking about me in a positive light and saying nice things about me without knowing I was awake it was really nice to hear it especially since I was a relatively low point at that time every time I think about this I feel good even though it's been a half dozen years or so and it always reminds me to uphold those good characteristics I wasn't pretending I had been asleep for about 30 minutes while my boyfriend and his buddy you were smoking some weed ah I'm not really sure what woke me up but I kind of became conscious for a few moments but didn't really move or anything so I was just trying to go back to sleep anyway my boyfriend who had been robbing my back as I slept turned to his buddy and said hey man you see this girl right here I'm gonna marry her one day she's gonna be my wife and his buddy just says lair dude I know and I'll be standing right there with you when it happens it was so sweet and it was so hard to not just tear up or smile or anything but when things are tough I sure do think of that night [Music] you

Channel: Storytime With Reddit

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Id: opzKzRpe-Ko

Length: 18min 32sec (1112 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 01 2020