>> I HAVE SO MUCH MONEY.
>>> 86% OF THE PEOPLE ARRESTED IN NEW YORK CITY FOR MARIJUANA
POSSESSION ARE BLACK OR LATINO. WHILE THE REST ARE BLACK AND
LATINO. >>> PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS OPPOSED
A TAX ON ALUMINUM, WHICH WORKS OUT TO A MILLION DOLLAR PER
MONTH TAX ON BLAKE SHELTON. >>> A RARE LETTER BY MAHATMA
GANDHI, IN WHICH HE MENTIONS JESUS CHRIST BEING SOLD AT
AUCTION. HIS LETTER READS SIMPLY, JESUS
CHRIST, I'M HUNGRY. >>> THE ACADEMY AWARDS ARE
TOMORROW, HERE TO BREAK EVERYTHING DOWN IS RESIDENT
MOVIE BUFF, KYLE MOONEY. >> WHAT'S UP, MIKE?
OSCAR SUNDAY, LET'S GET IT! >> WOW!
YOU SEEM PRETTY EXCITED. >> OF COURSE, MAN, EVERYBODY ALL
DRESSED UP, IT'S GOING DOWN. BIG MIKE!
>> NOBODY CALLS ME THAT. >> UH-HUH.
MIKE, COLIN, ME -- THE BOYS! BUT UM, WHAT'S THE PLAN ON
SUNDAY? WHERE ARE WE GONNA, YOU KNOW,
WHERE ARE WE GONNA WATCH THE BIG SHOW?
>> OH, I DON'T KNOW YET. >> DON'T --
>> I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.
WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR BEST PICTURE THIS YEAR?
>> I'LL GET TO THAT. BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU, COLIN?
DON'T YOU USUALLY DO, LIKE A BIG OSCAR PARTY LIKE EVERY YEAR OR
SOMETHING? >> WHAT'S THAT?
NO, SOMETIMES -- I'M ACTUALLY NOT SURE YET.
>> REALLY? BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HEARD SOME
PEOPLE SAYING YOU ARE DOING A BIG THING THIS YEAR?
THAT'S NOT GOING DOWN NO MORE. >> I GUESS I WAS THINKING ABOUT
MAYBE DOING SOMETHING, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GOING TO COME
TOGETHER. >> OKAY, UM, BECAUSE YOU LIKE --
YOU WOULDN'T JUST NOT INVITE ME, RIGHT?
>> WHAT? NO, IF I WAS DOING ONE, YOU
WOULD BE INVITED FOR SURE. >> DOPE.
WELL, LET'S JUST DO IT AT MY PLACE.
MICHAEL YOU SAID YOU FOR SURE DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS YET, RIGHT?
>> I SAID THAT? >> PLEASE DON'T TELL HIM.
>> WHAT'S THAT? >> NO, CHE AND I WERE TALKING,
WE HAVE TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT LATER.
>> OKAY, HOW ABOUT WE FIGURE THIS OUT RIGHT NOW.
SO BIG MIKE. WHAT TIME ARE WE THINKING, LIKE
10:00 A.M. START, I THINK MY BROTHER AND HIS GIRL MIGHT ROLL
OVER TOO, SHE MIGHT BRING HER BOSS.
>> SO THE GROUP WOULD BE YOU, YOUR BROTHER HIS GIRLFRIEND AND
HER BOSS. >> YEAH!
AND YOU AND COLIN, SINCE YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE PLANS.
>> WE GOT TO TELL HIM. >> I GOT TO BE HONEST, I'M
STARTING TO THINK THAT COLIN IS HAVING A PARTY AND HE'S NOT
INVITING ME BECAUSE YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE ME.
I MEAN THIS KIND OF FEELS LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL, WHERE PEOPLE
WOULD BE FAKE TO ME BECAUSE I DIDN'T WEAR NAME BRAND SHOES.
IS THAT THE PROBLEM? THAT I DON'T WEAR NAME BRAND
SHOES? >> NO, IT'S DEFINITELY NOT.
>> OKAY, WELL, THEN, WHAT IS IT? SAY IT TO MY FACE.
OH, WAIT, I GUESS THE PARTY ISN'T HAPPENING ANY MORE, EVEN
THOUGH I JUST FOUND THIS. >> ALL RIGHT, FINE, KYLE, I'M
SORRY, I'M THROWING A PARTY, IT'S JUST THAT YOU AND I ARE NOT
THAT CLOSE, AND I COULDN'T INVITE EVERYTHING, OKAY?
I'M SORRY MAN. >> OKAY.
AND YOU'RE POSITIVE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SHOES?
>> DO THOSE SAY BEEBOK. >> ALL RIGHT, FINE, IT'S BECAUSE
OF YOUR OFF BRAND SHOES. >> THEY'RE CHEAP, BUT THEY'RE
JUST AS GOOD AS THE REAL THING. I MEAN, HEY, WE ONLY MAKE 8
BUCKS AN HOUR HERE, RIGHT? >> OH, NO.
>> DO YOU GUYS MAKE MORE THAN THAT?
>> KYLE MOONEY, EVERYONE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> BARBRA STREISAND REVEALED THAT TWO OF HER DOGS ARE
ACTUALLY CLONES OF A THIRD ONE WHO RECENTLY PASSED AWAY.
STARS -- THEY'RE JUST LIKE US. >>> THE LAS VEGAS AIRPORT HAS
SET UP NEW RECEPTIC ELS THAT AM ALLOW PASSENGERS TO DISPOSE OF
THEIR MARIJUANA BEFORE BOARDING A PLANE.
THE RECEPT CALS LOOK JUST LIKE THIS.
>>> MARCH IS WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH.
AND OF COURSE, IT'S THE ONLY MONTH THAT TELLS YOU WHAT TO DO.
MARCH! IT TELLS YOU TO MARCH.
>> YEAH, MARCH. >>> THE WINTER OLYMPICS ENDED
THIS SUNDAY. HERE TO GIVE HER FIRSTHAND
REPORT IS SNL'S NUMBER ONE OLYMPICS FAN, LESSCY JONES.
>> YOU ACTUALLY WENT TO PYEONGCHANG.
>> IT WAS AWESOME. YOU THINK I STAND OUT IN
AMERICA, EVERYBODY IN KOREA WAS 4'1" THEY EITHER THOUGHT I WAS
AN ATHLETE OR A GOD. SOME OF THEM THOUGHT I WAS A
TRANSFORMER. BUT A TRANSFORMER DON'T EAT
KOREAN BBQ LIKE THAT. >> SO YOU ENJOYED THE WINTER
OLYMPICS? >> MAN, I LOVED IT, COLIN.
I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD. BECAUSE HONESTLY, THIS YEAR IS
THE FIRST YEAR THAT I GOT INTO THE WINTER ONES AS MUCH AS THE
SUMMER ONES. I NEVER GO SKIING.
I LOVED SEEING JAMIE ANDERSON OUT THERE RIDING THE HASHPIPE.
>> I THINK IT'S THE HALFPIPE. >> SHUT UP!
>> OKAY. >> YOU DON'T KNOW!
I'M THE EXPERT. >> OKAY, AND DID YOU LIKE THE
BOBSLEDDING? >> OH, YEAH.
WOO! THOSE THIGHS WERE NICE FOR MY
EYES. BUT MY FAVORITE WAS HOCKEY.
THAT'S VIOLENCE ON ICE, THEY'RE PUNCHING AND CHECKING BITCHES AT
30 MILES AN HOUR, AND DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY GOT A
THING CALLED THE PENALTY BOX? >> YEAH.
>> THEY SEND YOU THERE AFTER YOU CHECK A BITCH!
AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IF I PLAYED HOCKEY, THEY WOULD
CALL ME PENALTY BOX JONES. 'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE I WOULD BE
THE WHOLE GAME. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE
AMERICAN TEAM IS BRINGING IN PENALTY BOX JONES!
OH, MY GOD, CAN SHE DO THAT? SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ON SKATES!
IS THAT LEGAL? COLIN, I LOVE HOCKEY.
>> THAT'S WONDERFUL. >> AND THE WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN
THE MEN. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT.
I SAID IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THEY WON THE GOLD MEDAL ON A SHOOTOUT.
AND THIS WOMAN WHO DID THE WINNING GOAL, SHE DID LIKE A
POP-LOCKING MOVE. LIKE POP-POP POW!
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT.
>> I DID NOT THINK YOU'D BE A HOCKEY FAN.
WE SHOULD GO SOMETIME TO A GAME. >> OH, YOU LIKE HOCKEY, SNOW
MUFFIN? >> I PLAYED A LITTLE BIT OF
HOCKEY GROWING UP. MAYBE I COULD TEACH YOU A COUPLE
MOVES. >> YOU ARE SO WHITE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND YOU SOUND PRETTY CONFIDENT.
I ALREADY GOT A FRIEND WHO SAID THAT SHE'LL GIVE ME SOME
POINTERS. HEY, HILARY.
YEAH! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YES! YES, COLIN.
THIS IS HILARY KNIGHT. SHE JUST WON THE GOLD MEDAL FOR
THE U.S. WOMEN'S HOCKEY TEAM. YEAH!
>> HI THERE, HILARY. CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU. I HEARD YOU PLAYED HOCKEY
GROWING UP AND YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW US SOME MOVES.
>> WELL, I -- I MEAN, I PLAYED RECREATIONAL, I DON'T THINK I
COULD TEACH YOU ANYTHING. >> I'D LOVE TO SEE SOMETHING.
>> I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU TRY. SO DON'T BE TALKIN' ABOUT HOW
YOU GONNA TEACH ME SOMETHING, I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE GOLD MEDAL
OLYMPIANS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> GET IT? >> YEAH, I GOT IT.
>> DO YOU, COLIN? DO YOU GOT IT.
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION, HILARY DO THIS WITH ME.
>> WHO RUN THE WORLD? >> GIRLS.
>> WHO RUN THIS MOTHER? >> GIRLS.
>> HILARY, TELL COLIN WHAT I TOLD YOU TO TELL HIM.
>> COLIN, YOUS A BITCH. >> HILARY KNIGHT AND LESLIE
JONES, EVERYONE. FOR WEEKEND UPDATE,
Good for Hilary Knight, but holy shit was that bit leading up to her appearance annoying to listen to.
Whats the deal with her eyes was she high or something?