>>> CLEVELAND CAVALIERS POWER
FORWARD, KEVIN LOVE IS GETTING A LOT OF PRAISE FOR AN ARTICLE HE
RECENTLY WROTE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH.
HERE WITH HIS TAKE ON LOVE'S ARTICLE IS PETE DAVIDSON.
>> YEAH, THANK YOU. THANKS, COLIN.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL CRAZY
PEOPLE WHEN I SAY -- [ SCREAMING ]
>> IT WAS GOOD. IT WAS GOOD.
>> IT MADE ME LAUGH EARLIER. >> HAD A CRAZY FEELING, I LIKE
IT. >> WELL, LAST WEEK, KEVIN LOVE
ONE OF THE LEAST HATABLE WHITE GUYS ON THE PLANET, OPENED UP
ABOUT A PANIC ATTACK HE HAD DURING A BASKETBALL GAME.
AND HE SAID IT OPENED HIS EYES TO HOW NO ONE SHOULD BE TOO
PROUD TO TALK TO A MENTAL HEALTH EXPERT IF THEY NEED IT.
THE ARTICLE WAS COMMENDABLE, IT WAS PRAISED, AND I HATED IT.
>> YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT? >> NO, IT WAS FINE, HE'S A GOOD
GUY, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. IT'S TOTALLY COOL HE HAD A PANIC
ATTACK, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT BEING
UNSTABLE, LEAVE IT TO THE BIG BOYS.
ALL RIGHT? I'M SORRY YOU MISSED YOUR
THREE-POINTER, KEV. BUT I'VE BEEN IN THERAPY SINCE I
WAS 6-YEARS-OLD, AND I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF WHEN I WAS EIGHT.
TOUGH NEWS ABOUT YOUR REBOUNDS, THOUGH.
>> I'M SORRY, ARE YOU LIKE BRAGGING?
>> SO WHAT IF I AM? I LOVE BEING MENTALLY ILL.
I'M SO RELIEVED THAT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
YOU KNOW? NOW I DON'T HAVE TO HIDE
ANYTHING. IF I'M OUT SOMEWHERE AND I'M
ACTING LIKE A DICK, THEY'RE LIKE, OH, NO, NO, NO.
HE'S, YOU KNOW, HE'S MENTALLY ILL.
AND IF I'M HAPPY, THEY'RE LIKE, GOOD FOR HIM.
BUT NOW, YOU KNOW, KEVIN LOVE JUST WALTZES IN WITH HIS PANIC
ATTACK AND JUST WATERS THE WHOLE THING DOWN.
>> YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY, YOU SOUND JEALOUS?
>> I AM JEALOUS. KEVIN LOVE IS, LIKE, HANDSOME
AND HE'S RICH AND HE'S A BASKETBALL PLAYER.
HIS UNCLE'S A BEACH BOY. THE WORST ONE BUT IT'S STILL
SICK. HE'S GOT IT ALL.
YOU KNOW, LIKE. HE DOESN'T NEED MY ONE THING.
YOU KNOW, LIKE LET ME HAVE THAT. YOU KNOW?
OR AT LEAST TRADE ME UNCLES. YOUR UNCLE'S OUT THERE TOURING.
MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE. WHEN I WAS SIX, MY UNCLE TOOK ME
CAMPING AND I CRAPPED MY PANTS IN THE RAIN.
AND THEN I TOLD MY UNCLE WHAT I DID, HE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE.
AND THEN MY MOM TOLD ME NOT TO TELL MY DAD BECAUSE MY DAD WOULD
KILL HIM. AND THEN MY DAD DIED A MONTH
LATER. BUT AGAIN, SORRY ABOUT YOUR FREE
THROW PERCENTAGE. IN KEVIN'S DEFENSE, HE IS RIGHT.
NO, I GOT TO SAY THAT, SO PEOPLE DON'T GET MAD.
I HAVE TO PRETEND THAT I CARE ABOUT THIS GUY.
NO, IF YOU EVER HAVE A PANIC ATTACK, YOU SHOULD SEE A MENTAL
HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. NO MATTER HOW MINIMAL THE
EPISODE. BUT JUST DO ME A FAVOR, LIKE
STAY IN YOUR LANE. I CAN'T STAY IN MY LANE BECAUSE
I'M ON A TON OF KLONOPIN RIGHT NOW.
COLIN, ARE MY EYES CROSSED? >> NO.
>> I GOT NO TEETH. >>> THE MANAGER IN AN I HOP IN
MAINE APOLOGIZED AFTER A MANAGER ASKED A GROUP OF BLACK TEENAGERS
TO PAY UP FRONT FOR THEIR MEAL. MOST PEOPLE THAT EAT AT I HOP
PAY FOR IT ABOUT TWO HOURS LATER.
>>> A FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION HAS ORDERED THE MAKERS OF THE
SNUGGIE TO PAY MORE THAN $7 MILLION IN REFUNDS OVER
DECEPTIVE BUY ONE GET ONE FREE ADS.
IT'S A RARE PIECE OF GOOD NEWS FOR PEOPLE OWN MULTIPLE
SNUGGIES. >>> THE WINNER OF AMERICA'S BEST
LICENSE PLATE IS NEW MEXICO'S CHILLY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD
PLATE. WHILE THE WORST IS NEW JERSEY'S
DA FU YOU LOOKING AT. >>> TODAY IS ST. PATRICK'S DAY,
THAT WAS A GREAT TRANSITION. WHICH MEANS MILLIONS OF TOURISTS
HAVE COME TO THE BIG APPLE FOR THE PARADE AND MAY NEED SOME
TIPS ON WHAT TO CHECK OUT. HERE WITH SOME IDEAS IS OUR
"WEEKEND UPDATE" CITY CORRESPONDENT STEFON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> HI.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US, STEFON.
>> CONNER, PERCY. IT'S NICE TO BE HERE.
>> THANK YOU, STEFON. SO THE PARADE IS OVER, I BET A
LOT OF PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR A HANGOUT.
ARE THERE ANY RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THEM?
>> YES. IF YOU'RE DRUNK IN MIDTOWN EAST
DOING CHEAP COKE OFF YOUR LAUNDRY CART, I HAVE JUST THE
PLACE FOR YOU. NEW YORK'S HOTTEST CLUB IS
GADDUSH. INSPIRED BY TRUE EVENTS.
THIS FORMER CVS WHICH BECAME A CHASE BANK AND THEN BECAME A CVS
AGAIN, FINALLY ANSWERED THE QUESTION ABOUT THE TROUBLING
FEEL. LIKE WHEN LARRY KING WOULD PLAY
HIMSELF IN A MOVIE. THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING.
DEATH SETS, KEY FOBS, KALE CHIPS.
ROMAN J. ISRAEL ESQUIRE. PLUS YOU CAN PLAY EVERYONE'S
FAVORITE PARTY GAME, THE STRANGER.
>> WHAT'S THE STRANGER? >> DO YOU KNOW THAT BILLY JOEL
SONG "THE STRANGER?" >> YEAH.
>> WELL, IT'S WHEN YOU SIT ON BILLY JOEL'S HAND UNTIL IT'S
NUMB AND THEN YOU RUB YOURSELF WITH IT.
>> WAIT. WAIT, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE
NUMB? >> SO YOU CAN PRETEND THAT IT'S
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN'S HAND. >> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT, STEFON, LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK.
I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE IN TOWN FOR ST. PATRICK'S DAY MIGHT BE
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE DIFFERENT.
>> YEAH, SOMETHING MORE IRISH THEMED.
>> YES, YES, YES, YES, YES. >> MOONLIGHT, LA LA LAND.
[ LAUGHTER ] IF YOU'RE IRISH OR JUST WHITE
AND VIOLENT, I HAVE THE SAINT PATTY'S PLACE FOR YOU.
NEW YORK'S HOTTEST IRISH CLUB IS OFF TO CHURCH, MOTHER.
LOCATED IN THE CLOGGED HEART OF THE BRONX AT THE CORNER OF
3,000 STREET AND GARY MARSHALL MEMORIAL DRIVE.
THIS GANG RIDDEN SKATEBOARD PARK WAS THE CEREMONY SPOT FOR VERN
TROYER'S 2004 WEDDING. THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING.
PEEPS, TED TALKS, ROMAN J. ISRAEL ESQUIRE.
AND BE SURE HIT TO FLOOR AND DANCE A JIG WITH IRELAND'S
HOTTEST FARRAKHANS. >> WAIT, LOUIS FARRAKHAN IS AT
THIS CLUB? >> NO, FARRAH KHANS.
HELP RAH KAHNS THAT LOOK LIKE FARAH FAWCETT.
BUT ALSO YES, LOUIS FARRAKHAN WILL BE THERE.
>> OKAY. STEFON, STEFON.
>> PLEASE, PLEASE, CALL ME BY YOUR NAME.
>> OKAY, COLIN. TELL US THAT ONE PLACE THAT
ORDINARY TOURISTS MIGHT ENJOY, PLEASE.
>> YES, YES, YES, YES, YES. IF YOU'RE ORDINARY, AND YOU LOVE
SEIZURE INDUCING MALAYSIAN MUSIC, I HAVE JUST THE PLACE FOR
YOU. NEW YORK'S HOTTEST CLUB IS STAND
CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS, PLEASE.
BUILT IN THE UPSIDE DOWN WORLD, THIS HAUNTED HOSPICE WAS CLOSED
WHEN INSPECTORS FOUND A SEXY FORM OF ASBESTOS THAT COULD
CAUSE DISEASE. >> NOW WHAT DISEASE DO YOU GET
FROM SEXY ASBESTOS. >> ME SO HORNYOMA.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THIS PLACE HAS EVERYTHING.
YOUNG POPES, OLD POPES, ROMAN J. ISRAEL ESQUIRE.
AVOID THE DANCE FLOOR ON WEDNESDAYS, WHEN A DOZEN HOT
DACHSHUNDS AND CORGI'S GET IN FREE.
THEY CALL IT LONG AND LOW NIGHT. I DON'T TRUST ANY DOG WHOSE
STOMACH TOUCHES THE GROUND. PLUS, YOU CAN PARTY IN THE VIP
ROOM, WITH A GROUP OF HUMAN SQUATTY POTTIES.
>> WHAT IS A HUMAN SQUATTY POTTY?
>> IT'S THAT THING THAT -- YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S A NEW ERA, AND I
DON'T WANT TO SAY A WORD THAT MAY BE INSENSITIVE.
MAY I CONSULT MY LAWYER QUICKLY? >> SURE.
>> GREAT HE'S AN ATTORNEY AND A CONCEPT TULLE ARTIST NAMED SHY.
SHY? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI. HI, SHY.
>> HELLO, GENTLEMAN, HOW ARE YOU?
>> SHY, FOR PEOPLE -- DO PEOPLE STILL USE THIS WORD?
THANK YOU, SHY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HUMAN SQUATTY POTTIES, IT'S THAT THING OF WHEN YOU SIT ON
THE TOILET AND TO HAVE GOOD POSTURE, TWO LITTLE PEOPLE
CROUCH ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR AND YOU PUT YOUR FEET ON THEIR
HEADS. >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
>> I'M REALLY GLAD YOU MADE SURE TO MAKE THAT SOUND MORE
SENSITIVE. >> ON THAT NOTE, LET'S TAKE A
CLOSER LOOK AT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.
>> WAIT? ISN'T "A CLOSER LOOK" SETH'S
THING THAT HE DOES? >> OH, SETH AND I ARE VERSATILE.
SOME NIGHTS I DO IT AND HE'S UNDER THE DESK.
>> STEFON EVERYONE. >> JILL STEIN, 2020.
>> FOR "WEEKEND UPDATE," I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGH
He has said Ol Billy Bread Basket is one of his favorite comedians and a big influence on him. The millennial Burr.
Pete Davidson's teeth are fucking immaculate.
Later in the video: "If you're Irish or just white and violent..."
That's pretty accurate.
Is Pete Davidson supposed to look like a drug addict?
Edit: holy shit, so I looked him up and it turns out he is a drug addict. Fuck I'm sorry for being insensitive
Geez, is he supposed to blow through his skit smiling? That's out of character and it feel like a rehearsal than a live performance.
wow snl is not funny at all.
mirror?
Fuck nice catch. He is literally doing Bill.
Jesus SNL sucks nowadays. He makes Jimmy Fallon look like Marlon Brando with the amount of times he broke character to laugh at his own jokes.