DEMOCRATS SWEPT TUESDAY'S
ELECTIONS IN VIRGINIA, NEW JERSEY AND NEW YORK, WHICH ARE
ALREADY BLUE STATES. SO, IT IS A VICTORY FOR
LIBERALS, BUT A VICTORY NONETHELESS.
KIND OF LIKE WHEN YOU GET AN UBER AND THE DRIVER'S A WHITE
DUDE AND YOU ARE LIKE "OH, THAT'S NICE."
YOU KNOW IT'S RACIST WHEN YOU CAN'T TELL WHICH SIDE, RIGHT?
ALSO ON TUESDAY, DANICA ROME BECAME THE FIRST TRANSGENDER
CANDIDATE TO WIN A SEAT IN VIRGINIA'S HOUSE OF DELEGATES,
DEFEATING BOB MARSHAL, WHO CALLED HIMSELF THE STATE'S CHIEF
HOMOPHOBE. IN FACT, HE'S SO HOMOPHOBIC THAT
HE REFUSED TO GET WITHIN EIGHT POINTS OF HER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT MIKE
PENCE HAS FORMED A VICE PRESIDENT'S CLUB WITH JOED BIEN
AND DICK CHAPY, ROUTINELY CALLING THEM FOR ADVICE.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A STUPID CLUB, SAID AL GORE, TO NO ONE.
>> A MAN IN FLORIDA WAS SURPRISED WHEN HIS --
>> SORRY. SORRY TO INTERRUPT, MICHAEL.
TIFFANY HAD A REQUEST. ♪ SHE'S YOUR QUEEN TO BE ♪
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I TOLD YOU I WOULD WEAR THIS
DRESS AGAIN. OH, OH, OH, OH, OH!
>> THERE YOU HAVE IT. >> IT IS A NICE DRESS.
>> IT IS A NICE DRESS. >> SHAWN COMBS ANNOUNCED HE IS
ONCE AGAIN CHANGING HIS NAME, THIS TIME TO BROTHER LOVE.
AS IN DAMN, THIS BROTHER LOVE ATTENTION.
>> THE STATE OF VERMONT HAS OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED ULTIMATE
FRISBEE AS A HIGH SCHOOL VARSITY SPORT.
DAD. >>> HIDDEN VALLEY IS NOW SELLING
A FIVE LITER KEG FILLED WITH RANCH DRESSING.
THOUGH THE KEG WILL ONLIAN SOLD IN STATES THAT ALLOW ASSISTED
SUICIDE. >>> A NEW STUDY FINDS THAT SHEEP
HAVE THE ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE FACES.
SO, REMEMBER FARMERS, ALWAYS HIT IT FROM THE BACK.
>> O.J. SIMPSON'S PAROLE MAY BE REVOKED AFTER HE WAS THROWN OUTS
OF A LAS VEGAS HOTEL BAR AFTER BEING TOO DRUNK AND THROWING
GLASS. BUT COME ON.
GIVE HIM A BREAK. I MEAN, YOU WOULD DRINK A LOT
TOO IF YOUR EX-WIFE WAS MURDERED.
>> ARCHAEOLOGISTS IN EGYPT HAVE DISCOVERED A 2,000-YEAR-OLD GYM
WHICH FEATURED A WORK OUT ROOM A RACETRACK, AND BASED ON MY
EXPERIENCE IN GYMS, THE REMAINS OF AN OLD MAN BLOW DRYING HIS
TESTICLES. >> WHERE DO YOU WORK OUT, MAN?
>> THE NBA SEASON IS TWO WEEKS IN, AND THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS
ARE OFF TO A GOOD, BUT NOT GREAT START, LED BY ROOKIE LONZO BALL.
HERE TO GIVE HIS TAKE, HIS OUTSPOKEN FATHER, LAVAR BALL.
>> HOW ARE YOU DOING, MICHAEL? I TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN.
THE LAKERS ARE THE BEST TEAM EVER.
NEVER LOST. >> THEY ARE NOT THE BEST TEAM
EVER. THEY ARE ONLY LIKE 5-7.
AND YOU ALREADY PROMISED THAT LONZO WOULD BE
BIGGER THAN KOBE BRYANT? >> YOU DAMN RIGHT.
LONZO IS AVERAGING JUST OVER EIGHT POINTS A GAME.
THAT'S NOT BAD BUT THAT'S NOT UP TO THE LEVEL OF KOBE BRYANT.
>> MAN, DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT NO KOBE BRYANT.
MY OFFSPRING IS GOING TO RULE THE WORLD.
JUST LOOK AT ME. I'M A GIANT.
FULL HEAD OF HAIR. 12 FINGERS.
I CAN PULL A TRACTOR TRAILER 20 MILES OVER A MOUNTAIN USING ON
-- ONLY MY JUNK! AND I'M THE ONLY MAN ON EARTH
WHO HAS EVER EATEN JUST ONE LAYS POTATO CHIP.
>> I AM ASSUMING YOU STILL THINK LONZO IS GOING TO WIN MVP,
>> OH, MAN HE IS GOING TO WIN MORE THAN THAT.
HE'S GOING TO WIN THE DUNK CONTEST, THE THREE-POINT
SHOOTING CONTEST, EVERY SINGLE POWER BALL JACKPOT, AND HE WILL
BE NAMED AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL, ALL WHILE WEARING THE
SIGNATURE ZO 2s. >> I FORGOT THAT LONZO HAS HIS
OWN SNEAKER THAT COST $500. HOW ARE THOSE SELLING BY THE
WAY? >> NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
RIGHT NOW I'M FOCUSED ON MY TV SHOW "BALL AND THE FAMILY".
>> YOU HAVE YOUR ON REALITY SHOW CALLED "BALL IN THE FAMILIAR" IT
AIRS ON FACEBOOK. >> IT IS THE BIGGEST SHOW IN THE
WORLD. A MILLION LIKES.
A HALF MILLION SURPRISING FACES. IT'S THE ONLY SHOW YOU CAN WATCH
WHILE YOU LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS'S KIDS HALLOWEEN COSTUMES.
THE WHOLE BALL FAMILY IS ON THERE.
LONZO, LIANGELO, LA MELLOW, AND MY LONG LOST MEXICAN SON,
LETACO. >> YOU KNOW I SAW LIANGELO GOT
IN TROUBLE WHEN HE WAS CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING IN CHINA.
>> WHAT? COME ON.
WHY MY BOY NEED TO DO SHOPLIFTING FOR WHEN HE'S
ABOUT TO PUT OUT HIS OWN MILLION DOLLAR SNEAKER.
INTRODUCING LIANGELO'S LEGENO 20s.
EACH ONE COST $700,000. THAT'S RIGHT.
EACH SNEAKER. YOU CAN ONLY BUY THEM ONE AT A
TIME. NEVER A PAIR.
NEVER A PAIR. >> WHY ARE THEY SO EXPENSIVE?
>> BECAUSE EACH ONE COMES FULLY LOADED WITH POWER LACES, WI-FI,
A BOSE 24-SPEAKER SOUND SYSTEM, AND THE WORLD'S FINEST CHICKEN
ROTISSERIE COOKER. >> ROTISSERIE COOKER?
>> CHICKEN ROTISSERIE. >> I ALSO HEARD YOU PULLED LA
MELLOW OUT OF SCHOOL AND YOU ARE NOW HOME
SCHOOLING? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> AND THE RESULTS ARE AMAZING. I WORKED WITH THE BOY ONLY
TWO HOURS AND HE OPENED HIS OWN SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS A FRENCH RESTAURANT CALLED LA
MELLOW'S THE MAGNIFICENT. MICHELIN TEN-STAR RATED. AND THE BEST ROTISSERIE CHICKEN
COOKED TO PERFECTION BY THE NEW LIGELO 20s.
OH, IT'S READY MICHAEL. HOLD THE SHOE.
>> THANK YOU. >> THAT'S FOR YOU.
>> WILL BE $750,000. >> LAMAR BALL, EVERYBODY.
>> NEVER OUT. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST. >> GOOD NIGHT.
Ok that was funny
Well at least they didn't make a dog reference
Pro tip: if it doesn't work in your country, replace 'tube' in the URL with 'pak' and it will open a new window where you can watch it
It's happening!!
I remember back when they did a similar but about men’s cheerleading being recognized as a sport with the “...dad” punchline
anyone have a link that works in Canada?